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CHAPTER 2 CCRT The Cornerstone of the Five Reality Centers of Conflict The brushstrokes you paint are the ones everyone sees on the canvas ofyour life. Normally, medical healing is a very straightforward process. When you come down with the flu...

CHAPTER 2 CCRT The Cornerstone of the Five Reality Centers of Conflict The brushstrokes you paint are the ones everyone sees on the canvas ofyour life. Normally, medical healing is a very straightforward process. When you come down with the flu, you try to fix it yourself with mixed results. Finally, when you feel like you are on your deathbed, you give in and go to the doctor. The doctor does not give you a lecture about golfing in the rain; he simply prescribes the right medication and tells you to take the whole prescription. We want a cure not advice. The reality is you only take the medicine until you feel better. This oddity obviously occurs because you know more than the doctor. You refuse to follow the directions and finish the medicine. Next, the remaining bacteria/bug alive in your system develops a stronger resistance to the medicine due to the fact you did not take the full prescription. The American Medical Association (AMA) states that, "The global increase in resistance to antimicrobial drugs, including bacterial strains resistant to all available antibacterial agents, is creating a health 10  CHAPTER 2 CCRT crisis worldwide."The primary reason for the development of so many resistant strains is because people did not follow the doctor's orders. Patients worldwide simply did not take all their medicine to become completely healed. There are 2 primary reasons for the revolving door of life's problems. First, you never complete the treatment. Secondly, you never start the treatment. Knowledge and action are never the same thing. This is an absolute. It is necessary to be healed 100% before you can be successful. Do not confuse the reality of being fully healthy and healed with the illusion of treatment. Treatment is the process; good health is the result of the process of treatment (success in life, family, love, relationships, sex, and money follows the same formula.) It is never about how you feel. How you feel is a result of being either sick or healthy. This is an absolute. Sick or healthy apply to all three areas: mind, body and spirit. CCRT Reality Key: Understanding successful treatment of the total human condition: Reality Key: All humans have the same needs (universally and worldwide). Reality Key: All humans have the same problems meeting their needs. Reality Key: All humans have the same conflicts. Reality Key: All human solutions are the same (if the needs are the same then the solutions are the same). DO NOT confuse conflict of society or individual cultures with the natural human condition. 11 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY Reality Key: Society establishes norms based on cultural conditions and traditions. Reality Key: The human condition, rather normal or abnormal, universally exists with- in the context of their society. Example: If an American soldier in a Vietnamese concentration camp lives in a P.0.W. society, he will still have the same natural needs even though now cut off from his own society, culture, and language. The prisoner's human needs, conflicts, and solutions never diminish even in forced social changes. Man cannot change God's pre-engineered human encoded needs. In the beginning God created man and woman. With thefall ofman and woman the same sin created conflict. The Cornerstone of the Five Reality Centers of Conflict There are (5) Five Origins of Conflicts,just as there are (5) Five universal human needs and (5) Five rules ofthe harvest. Finally, there are (5) Five toxic stages ofrelationships. 5 Flat Tires You can handle one flat tire, but four flat tires and a flat spare means help is desperately needed. The five conflict categories exist in a specific order. I will use a normal family unit to simply illustrate the five conflict categories. By the time individuals or families are will- ing to attend counseling of any type, at least three of their tires are flat and the fourth has a slow leak. This is a critical stage in the family conflict system. Universality (meaning worldwide and in all societies and cultures) families and indi- viduals will try to fix their family conflict system problems first. Unfortunately, it is their individually learned abnormality which is causing the problems. Individuals utilizing the same learned abnormal ideas, concepts and strategies to fix the problems will not work. 12  CHAPTER 2 CCRT The reason individuals keep using the same abnormal tools to fix their conflicts is be- cause they experienced some degree of success, and this is all they have learned in conflict management. Example: yelling at the dog who is dumping over the trash can worked and they stopped; then why not yell at your wife to do the dishes. The abnormal tool is always learned and transferred to others. Therefore, learned abnormality is generational. Abuse lives in family trees. Most individuals and families worldwide would rather eat dirt before considering any form of counseling. The standard pattern is the individuals, or the family will wait until total failure in the family system is looming before considering any outside help. This is crazy! And yes, crazy is part of the abnormal system. Just as driving the car cross country on four flat tires and passing tire store after store never, stopping for help. Reality Key Idea: People doing crazy things will drive others crazy. Dr. Glasser wrote, ''Ifyou want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior. " To fully and completely understand human behavior it is necessary to understand the 5 human needs. These 5 needs are universal and worldwide. These needs were created by God as a gift to man. Man's original sin did not remove or diminish these needs. Adam walked right out of the garden with these needs and passed them along to all humans. The 5 Needs 1. Survival - Physical instinct encoded in every human The list includes, but is not limited to food, clothing, nourishment, shelter, personal security, safety, health, defense, and reproduction. Survival is the most generic and simplest need to understand in the human condition. Culture determines sociological norms, like what type of shelter you live in: a grass hut on the Savanna or a three-sto- ry brownstone in Chicago. All humans need food, shelter, safety, and to reproduce to survive. If man's basic needs are the same, then the basic problems in meeting the need are the same. 13 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY Reality Key Idea: Therefore, the answers/solutions to the problems created by the basic survival needs will be the same. 2. Love - Positive relationships, connecting, belonging Love includes love of self, family or loved ones and groups. Love does not include so- ciety or culture. Society is a concept or idea which has no capacity to love or be loved. The village loves you when you are beneficial to the village and eats you when they are out of food. Ones love of country or any inanimate object is strictly one-sided. Love is exclusively a human need. Emotion is the byproduct of the need. No other living creature has the capacity for love. This includes other animals. Humans confuse pre- programmed instinct in animals for love or other emotions. The love of work, hobbies, sports, music, pets, and whomever or whatever that form a positive relationship. The individual normal need for healthy relationships is defined as positive, constructive relationships as opposed to divergent, abnormal relationships which are destructive and negative. A love relationship cannot go in two directions at the same time. Individuals can either have a normal relationship which is productive and healthy or abnormal, de- structive and toxic. I.e., Stupid is the word I use to describe statements like, '7 know my husband is an abusive alcoholic, but he really loves his children and besides it the holidays. " Reality Key Idea: Love is universal. It is needed to meet emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. Love meets all three simultaneously. Love is also a need which is exclu- sively human and divine. Finally love can only be generated and :flourish in normalcy. Abnormality is always destructive and corrosive to all love. 3. Power- Selfworth Power includes learning, achieving, winning, and feeling worthwhile. The accumula- tion of self-worth is a need in normal human development. The list also includes the need to create, generate, perform, carry out, produce, compete and reason. This is a real 14  CHAPTER 2 CCRT driving force of the human condition. Consider an NFL football player who is paid twenty million a year to play a game he has played all of his life for free. The reality is he would play for free just out of the need to compete and have his power base fulfilled. The need for power is so strong in mankind we will pay to watch others win a game for our own self-worth. Years ago, I told my kids, "Those actors on TV got paid to act, but you're not getting paid to watch, so go do your homework." Artificial self-worth is always based on other's actions, deeds, behavior, ideas, philosophy and words. Real power is formed internally and is not reliant on external sources. All external power is temporary; real power is internal. Example: when you receive audience applause or a complement it is only temporary. The power of self-worth and self-satisfaction will only be generated from within onese1£ No one can eat for you, breathe for you, walk for you, and no one can install real power of self-worth for you. Reality Key Idea: Real power is generated from within and is the very essence of nor- malcy. The power to create, transform and transcend is a mobile force in normal humans. Man has the power to transcend any situation drawing upon the reservoir of internal power. Animals no matter how powerful will run from a fire; man alone will run to a fire by sheer force of will power to save the lives of others. Consider the first responders at the twin towers of 911 who ran into harm's way to save lives, giving their own lives for others. Humans alone share this power system. Abnormal power can only distort, deprive and destroy. Abnormal power always feels good, but it is only temporary. 4. Freedom - Free will This need includes independence, autonomy, one's own space, boundaries, free expres- sion, and individuality. Free will was genetically encoded in man as a need from the time of Adam. This need is the very essence of man's mental challenges, human action, drive to explore the unknown, inspirations, visionary thinking, dreams, and imagina- tion. Ronald Reagan said, ((Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant, and the law of God is acknowledged." Free will is the normal human formation of ideas. 15 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY Paradox of Adam's and all men is the abnormal need to control free will and this always coexists with his normal needs. Absolute fact, all healthy newborn babies cry. Universally worldwide mothers and fathers have contrived a multiplicity ofways, plans, devices and techniques just to appease a crying infant. A worldwide multimillion-dol- lar industry has emerged just to pacify crying babies. Yet the reality is the baby will not stop crying until it is good and ready and not before. All babies universally, from Cain and Able to the last child born this morning, will exercise their free will. The need of self-determination and free will is a universally encoded need in all men by God. Free will Is a gift from God. Free will gives man the ability to live without sin or construct sin. Reality Key Idea: Freedom or Free will, is not a political doctrine. It is a divine en- coded need which is the spark oflight in humanity. Normalcy is mankind making choices good or bad but free. Abnormal is man's removal of freedom. The product of toxic removal of freedom is abnormal. All forced behavior is not normal, consider prisoners or a victim of any form of abuse. The removal of freedom is our greatest human punishment, POW's or those incarcerated for their crimes. 5. Fun or Joy Dr. Glaser called the need ''fan" in trying to organize the emotion and needed a verb. I call it JOY because the action of fun is something we learn sometime after birth. Joy is universal and is experienced by everyone. The need (JOY) includes pleasure, enjoyment, contentment, emotional security, bliss, gratification, fulfillment, and phys- ical ecstasy. The concept includes, but is not limited to environment, ease, relaxation, physical expression, realization, illumination, knowledge, comprehension, excitement, resolution, indulgence, belonging, accomplishment and the grasp of normal reality. Reality Key Idea: Humans were designed for the garden lifestyle. The creator de- signed the original humans to have a life without fear, pain, harm, or unhappiness. Man 16  CHAPTER 2 con was designed to live in a blissful state in harmony in the universe, upon earth, and in fel- lowship with God. The Master Designer created man's existence to be in a perpetual state of joy. JOY is the real normal for humanity. That's why the vacation and gardening in- dustry is a trillion-dollar business. All of mankind is still trying to get back to the garden. Outside of the garden man ran for his life, not fun. From man's exodus from the gar- den, all humanity has lived in constant fear and stress. Even the most secular :µiedical communities state all men would live longer and healthier lives in a stress-free environ- ment. The reality is all men have a universal need for peace and Joy. The Nobel Peace Prize inscription reads Pro pace et fraternitate gentium, translated "For the peace and brother- hood of men."The angles of God sang in prayerful hope at the birth ofJesus the Christ, "Joy to the world, and to man good will and peace on earth." The5Needs All five needs are complete and absolute reality. Need 1 is the primal need which controls our base instinct; i.e., fight or flight. All life encompasses the survival instinct. This need in lower life forms both plants and animals are often confused with other emotions. Needs 2, 3, 4, and 5 are needs exclusively ascribed to human beings. Needs 2 through 5 form the normal, natural, internal relationships for all humans. Reality Key Idea: Each idea, action or desire in every life starts as a need. How those needs are met will become either normal or abnormal. Individual choices will determine an individual's behavior. All people have a combination of normal and abnormal behav- iors. It gets confusing! Each person worldwide from the beginning of time has five basic core needs. These five needs produce all human wants. The five basic conflicts are formed by and from the 5 basic needs. All 5 conflicts are universal to all humans. 17 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR T H E 21 ST CENTURY A want is different from a need. A want is always driven by choice. Culture and soci- ety provide the ideas and energy for the wants. A need is an individual, natural occurring process. We are born with all our needs fully intact. A need is all natural; your needs are contained within your DNA. A want is always learned knowledge expressed in behavior. A want is a man-made idea which is formulated by man to meet natural needs. Needs and wants ~e as different as salt and sugar. They even look the same until you taste them. Both are vital to chemistry but have different functions. They may both go in a cake, but they are only blended; they are never the same. Wants can be a positive or negative expression of human need. A man needs to have a physical, sexual relationship with his wife, but he wants to look at pornography to be sexually aroused. He ignores the fact that 99% of all women on the website were sexually abused as little girls and currently use narcotics to perform for the camera. The need is legitimate, sex. The abnormal behavioral choice is pornography. Then the normal want becomes degenerate. The abnormal is always an individual choice. The ques- tion is where in nature is pornography found? The abnormal want is only created in the world system of man and man's choices. Sex between mates is found in all species in na- ture. Thus, the need to reproduce is normal and natural. Good Wants: There are legitimate and important wants which are normal to all of life. Your individual needs always give birth to your wants. Example: I need a vacation and I want to go to European. The reality is I can only afford a trip to Grandma's farm. Reality Key Idea: Behavioral Failure occurs when a want is abnormal and creates a false belief system replacing normal reality with abnormal and false desires. Abnormal False Belief example, "I have to smoke because I have stress." What you should say is, "The reality is I :want to smoke when I have stress. I know smoking is NOT a natural need. I was NOT born addicted to nicotine, but I choose (want) to meet my 18  CHAPTER 2 CCRT natural need for joy (which is the opposite of stress) with an abnormal, self-medicating system the world system created. "You must add all the reality and meaning into the state- ment to be honest and factual. The survival need teaches us, all people need to eat to survive, but you want steak while your budget can only afford a can of soup. The soup will meet your food need, but your want is unfulfilled. Unfulfilled abnormal wants are the beginning or gate way of abnor- mal wants. An individual's idea offailure always begins as an unfulfilled want. Failure is a self-imposed concept which is a tool of self-measuremen.t. All real and legitimate needs are normal. Count it all joy if you have a can of soup. Relabeling process The abnormal wants are relabeled as needs by all toxic belief systems. Basically, you talk yourself into believing the unnatural want is really a need in your life. The following state- ments are examples of abnormal wants. "I need alcohol just to function." "I need narcotics just to face the day." "I need eight hours of sleep, or I just can't make it!" "If I don't get the promotion, I will just die." "I need a cigarette." "I need a dog in my life, so someone will love me." "If I look at porn who else is it hurting?" "I need to have an abortion, I do not want to screw up my life, after all it's my choice." All of these wants were first choices. Next the choice was learned. Example, no one was born smoking a cigarette. They first chose to smoke, then learned to smoke, next chose to keep smoking, and finally they wanted to smoke. Now the abnormal want is viewed as a need by the individual. 19 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY The "I want belief system" has been integrated mentally, physically, and spiritually into the individual belief system. It has and will reorganize your normal mind, body and spirit system into an abnormal behavior lifestyle. The client is infected with the self-centered, "I want". Reality Key: Each individual's belief systems are formed out of needs first. The want is either normal or abnormal. Neutral does not exist in nature. There is always a transforma- tion process for a want to become abnormal. The process of marriage and family is a normalized natural and universal need of all humans. Societies and cultures since the dawn of time have formalized marriage in a ritual recognized by their society. This is universally recognized and is understood as a natural and normal need. The natural, normal definition of marriage is one man and one woman. The family which God designed to meet the needs of individuals has a logical order: one man and one woman, followed by children. The matrimonial family unit will meet all individual, natural, basic needs for a relationship. The family will have needs, and the family needs will always create normal conflicts. Conflict is not a need. Unmet needs create abnormal wants. A man needs to feed his family, so he goes to work. The natural need is survival. He now has stress from the drive, work, and choices he must make! (Stress steals Joy) He has resolved to fix the day-to-day stress in his life. Choice #1: smoke and drink. Choice #2: get a gym membership and work out after work. The.first choice is easy and abnormal created by the world system. Choice two is natural and has positive results. Abnormal wants always will appear to be the solution, but they create individual problems. Choice #1 leads to lung cancer and alcoholism. The need to work and the stress from work will never go away! Some people want sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll to fulfill their needs. Utilizing abnormal wants to meet normal needs, life immediately begins to decay and crumble. 20  CHAPTER 2 CCRT No human is born with tooth decay, and with proper, normal care, your teeth will last a lifetime. Tooth decay occurs when you do not take care of your teeth. When oral bacteria consume sugars, within minutes they start to produce acids causing tooth demineraliza- tion, or tooth decay. Therefore, the less sugar consumed, or the fewer number of times you eat sugary foods, or the shorter the duration dietary sugars are allowed to remain in your mouth the healthier This reduces the exposure teeth will have to the acids produced by oral bacteria. If you live on man-made sugar, you will get cavities. The more abnormal your diet, the more your teeth and body will decay! I have spent 30 years counseling and working with drunks/drug addicts, so I recognize decay when I see it. The more abnormal the individual want, the more individual and family decay occurs! The final brush strokes you paint are the ones everyone sees on the canvas ofyour life. 21 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY HAPTER 2 - THE CORNERSTONE F THE FIVE REALITY CENTERS OF CONFLICT Study Guide Questions Directions: Answer the following study guide questions. Some of the questions are sub- jective and only based on your opinion. Utilizing the chapter text, answer in complete thoughts and concepts. 1. "There are 2 primary reasons for the revolving door of life's problems." What are the two reasons according to the text? 2. "The abnormal wants are relabeled as needs by all toxic belief systems." Explain this key concept in your own words and use an example from your life or others. 3. "Every idea, action or desire in each life starts as a need. How those needs are met is either normal or abnormal." Explain the concept according to the text. 4. "This will always determine an individual's choices and outcome." What will deter- mine the choices? 5. "All people have a combination of normal and abnormal behaviors." Why? Do you agree? 6. Unmet needs create abnormal wants. Abnormal wants form addiction, decay, and ma- jor life problems. What is the decay concept of abnormal according to the text? 7. "Abnormal wants always appear to be the solution, but they create the individual prob- lems."The text refers to the world system. What do you think this system is? 8. "Needs must be transformed by abnormal wants. The want is either normal or abnor- mal; neutral does not exist in nature." According to the text, Neutral is not an option. Why? 9. "All humans have the same needs universally and worldwide and all humans have the same problems meeting their needs."Why is this concept critical to CCRT? Explain why you agree or disagree. (Remember you are still learning a new concept) 22  CHAPTER 2 CCRT 10. Write a short narrative about what you think your final brush strokes of your life will be, or what will you leave behind. "1he final brush strokes you paint are the ones everyone sees on the canvas ofyour lift." 23