Early Adulthood: Parents and Friends PDF

Chapter 9. Early Adulthood: Parents and Friends Learning Objectives: Early Adulthood Parents and Friends 1. Discuss the importance of parents to young adults. 2. Describe enmeshment in relationships. 3. Discuss helicopter parenting of young adults. 4. Descr...

Chapter 9. Early Adulthood: Parents and Friends Learning Objectives: Early Adulthood Parents and Friends 1. Discuss the importance of parents to young adults. 2. Describe enmeshment in relationships. 3. Discuss helicopter parenting of young adults. 4. Describe the frequency of contact between young adults and their parents. 5. Discuss signs of excessive disengagement. 6. Discuss the importance of friendship to adults. 7. Discuss the determinants of friendship quality. In Part 1 of this book, we outlined the development of the four behavioral systems that make social life possible: attachment, caregiving, dominance, and sex. By the time individuals reach adulthood they have working models of the goals for which these systems are named. Goals of these systems are important to adult relationships and adults have characteristic levels of motivation for as well as behaviors they use to achieve these goals. Levels of motivation and typical behaviors shape adult personality. Personality traits determine relationship functioning. We now turn to a discussion of the relationships young adults have and we examine how personality and social goals influence relationship quality. We also look at the benefits of relationships to adult wellbeing. Relationships involve at least two individuals so goals and behaviors of the two individuals can either match or conflict. Individuals often find themselves navigating relationships with partners they did not choose― i.e., family, available peers, and work associates. Romantic partners and friends can be poorly chosen. Relationships with Parents Over the first 20 years of life individuals gradually shift from complete dependence on caregivers to being able to care for and think for themselves. The developing person and their caregivers must change with the progress of time. Adult offspring and their parents who have achieved postformal thought recognize that change is the only constant of life and are able to adapt. The dialectic of closeness vs. separation is present in the parent-adult offspring relationship and some families resolve this dialectic more adaptively than others. On the one hand, close supportive relationships with parents enhance wellbeing and personal growth in adulthood. Parents can provide important material and emotional support as well as mentoring (Dubas & Petersen, 1996; Lindell & Campione-Barr, 2017). On the other hand, parents can also be controlling in a manner that does not support wellbeing. Parental control of adult offspring is a cultural norm for some ethnic groups. In some parts of the world, girls and women are trafficked and lack the ability to choose their mates (Stöckl et al., 2017). Parents sometimes choose the college offspring attend as well as their careers. To achieve wellbeing young adults must adapt to the circumstances they find themselves in or take risks to assert their autonomy. 142 Enmeshment FACES-IV Items that Assess Enmeshment We spend too much time together. Family members feel pressured to spend most free time together. Family members are too dependent on each other. Family members have little need for friends outside the family. We feel too connected to each other. We resent family members doing things outside the family. Family members feel guilty if they want to spend time away from the family. FACES-IV Items that Assess Closeness Family members are involved in each other’s lives. Family members are supportive of each other during difficult times. Family members consult other family members on important decisions. Family members like to spend some of their free time with each other. Although family members have individual interests, they still participate in family activities. Our family has a good balance of separateness and closeness. Table 9-1. Operational definitions of Enmeshment and Healthy Engagement. Some young adults find themselves in enmeshed relationships with one or both of their parents. Enmeshment is a condition in which two or more people, typically family members, are involved in each other’s activities and personal relationships to a degree that limits their function and compromises their individual autonomy and identity. The Family Adaptability and Cohesion Evaluation Scales- Version IV (FACES-IV) is a measure of family interactions that includes items that assess enmeshment (Table 8-1). Individuation is the opposite of enmeshment and is the physiological, psychological, and sociocultural processes by which a person attains status as an individual human being and exerts themselves as such in the world (Green & Werner, 1996). It is important to distinguish between enmeshment and closeness (Table 8-1). Closeness predicts wellbeing and positive coping in young adulthood (Dubas & Petersen, 1996). In enmeshment, boundaries within the family are too blurred and boundaries with those outside the family are too rigid. Enmeshment occurs in the context of poor self-definition and unhealthy levels of control of the offspring by the parent (Manzi et al., 2006). Enmeshment between young adults and their parents gets in the way of young adults finding their own identity and developing self-efficacy (Givertz & Segrin, 2014; Manzi et al., 2006). Helicopter Parenting One form of enmeshment that has received attention in the popular press is helicopter parenting. “Helicopter parenting refers to parents who are overly involved in their children’s lives, providing them with a developmentally inappropriate level of control through their advice, direction, and problem-solving assistance” (Schiffrin et al., 2019, pp. 1209, emphasis added) (See Table 8-2). This form of parenting appears to occur among families of young adults attending college. A recent study of the construct revealed a general Helicopter Parenting factor and four subfactors, Information Seeking, Academic and Personal Management, Direct Intervention and Autonomy Limiting (Luebbe et al., 2018). Parents are more likely to engage in information seeking with girls 143 and provide academic assistance and personal management to boys. Helping manage finances, washing clothes, and helping clean are common forms of material assistance parents give, and may occur in families that do not give academic assistance. Furthermore parental monitoring of young adults in the form of information seeking is beneficial (Luebbe et al., 2018). Consolidated Measure of Helicopter Parenting 1. My parent supervised my every move growing up. 2. Growing up, I sometimes felt like I was my parent’s project. 3. I feel like my parent sometimes smothers me with his/her attention. 4. My parent overreacts when I encounter a negative experience. 5. I think my parent is too overly involved in my life. 6. My parent has interfered in my life when I wish he/she wouldn’t have. 7. I sometimes wish my parent would “back off” and stay out of my business. Table 9-2. (Schiffrin et al., 2019) According to Dr. Holly Schriffin of the University of Mary Washington helicopter parenting occurs in the context of high anxiety on the part of parents and young adult offspring, and such parenting further contributes to anxiety in young adults. The defining feature of helicopter parenting is that parents do things for young adults that they could do for themselves. This differs from the situation where a young adult has a disability, mental illness or addiction and/or needs extra support to achieve adult milestones. When parents are overanxious, overly focused on academic achievement and fail to support identity development, college students are extrinsically motivated and develop perfectionism and entitlement (Givertz & Segrin, 2014; Segrin et al., 2013). High anxiety causes procrastination and avoidance goals. Over parented young adults also experience decreased self-efficacy, decreased school engagement, and poorer adjustment to college. The result is lower academic achievement, the opposite of what the parent intends (Schiffrin et al., 2019). Risks of Disengagement. Young adulthood is a critical time in development where identity is achieved, and personality patterns are established. Early adulthood is also the peak time for development of addiction and mental illness, including serious mental illness (Chapter 7). As discussed in Chapter 6, identity development in young adults is variable in that some young adults achieve identity synthesis while others struggle to explore effectively and commit. Strong identity development is protective against substance abuse, mood disorders and personality disorders (Bogaerts et al., 2021; Meca et al., 2019; Rose & Bond, 2008). Individual differences in the development of self-regulation also exist across development; low self-regulation acts as a transdiagnostic risk factor and is causal to internalizing and externalizing disorders (Causadias et al., 2012). 144  Some FACES-IV Indicators of Disengagement Family members seem to avoid contact with each other when at home. Family members know very little about the friends of other family members. Our family seldom does things together. Family members seldom depend on each other. Family members mainly operate independently. Table 9-3. Operational definition of disengagement Clinicians should appreciate the important role parents can play in the lives of young adults, through supporting healthy identity development and young adult self-regulation skills and through providing material assistance (Mortimer, 2011). The end point of healthy adult development may be interdependence as opposed to independence (Settersten, 2012). Whether or not interdependence is healthy (of course) depends on the psychological health of the young adult and parents. Lack of parental involvement during this time contributes to risk because parents are needed to support identity development and self-regulation as well as provide material assistance to young adults (Fingerman et al., 2012; Moilanen & Manuel, 2017). Parents who cannot perform these functions may be a source of stress instead of help. Helpful parental monitoring and material assistance reduces risk for criminal offending in early adulthood (the peak time for this behavior) (Johnson et al., 2011). Young adults who experienced death of their parent(s) are particularly at-risk for mental health, criminal offending, and substance use issues (Kaplow et al., 2010). In summary, disengagement and lack of caring parents creates risk for young adults but that risk must be weighed against the risk of enmeshed involvement if parents are dysfunctional (Leedom et al., 2013). Normative Frequency of Parental Contact Because of developmental differences in identity achievement and self-regulation ability some young adults need more support than others. However, even for high functioning young adults closeness to family can enhance quality of life. Many young adults have internalized a value of “obligation” toward their parents (Table 8-4). This value may result from understanding that parents have sacrificed for them and/or cared for them lovingly when they were children (Stein et al., 2016). Taking responsibility to maintain contact can be one way this value influences young adults’ behavior (Stein et al., 2016). Felt obligation towards parents is one manifestation of the interdependence that occurs between parents and offspring over the lifespan. Aspects of felt obligation to connectedness with parents include― maintaining contact, providing assistance, and engaging in personal sharing as well as striving for self-sufficiency and avoiding conflicts with parents (Stein et al., 2016) (Table 8-4). In this digital age, 37% of college students have daily contact with their parents through phone calls or texts (Stein et al., 2016). Only 10% of students report less than weekly contact with parents (Stein et al., 2016). More frequent contact with parents is associated with family satisfaction and felt 145 obligation. Given the high baseline rate of contact, there is no relationship between contact and measures of wellbeing. Felt Obligation Measure (FOM) Factors and Representative Items (1) Maintaining contact and family rituals Visit on holidays Maintain regular contact (2) Providing assistance Do them favors Take care of them in old age (3) Engaging in personal sharing Let them take care of you Talk about your problems (4) Avoiding conflict Do what they suggest Keep peace in the family (5) Maintaining self-sufficiency Keep exchanges equal Return favors Table 9-4. Assessment of the “Felt Obligation” construct (Stein, 1992). Friendships People can’t choose their parents, but they can pick their friends from the pool of available peers. Young adults keep friends from high school, and they also make new friends in college and in the workplace. The homophyly that began in early childhood continues throughout life meaning that most people have friends of their same gender and who share their values (Wrzus et al., 2017). In our discussion of adolescence, we distinguished friendship from group sociality in that friendship involves caring and intimacy whereas group sociality involves status concerns (Chapter 5). The same pattern continues throughout life. Both women and men tend to have an average of 3 close friends (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023). However men also have a larger network of other men they spend time with but are not particularly close to (David-Barrett et al., 2015). The level of closeness in a relationship is dependent on the time individuals invest in that relationship. Women invest more in a few relationships, whereas men invest less in more relationships. With this strategy men on average have more social capital (David-Barrett et al., 2015). Social Capital is the value derived from positive connections between people. Read more about social capital. During young adulthood, friends serve many of the same functions as parents (Table 8- 5). Friends and parents are confidants who are relied on for security. Both friends and parents provide emotional support, material help, advice, and validation. The main difference between friends and parents may be that young adults do more fun and exciting activities with their friends. Interestingly, the friendship function which most correlates with wellbeing is stimulating companionship (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023). Young adults who lack parental and family support tend to have more friends. Perceived emotional or instrumental support offered by friends contributes to wellbeing 146 (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023). People have the most friends when they are not involved in an intimate partnership and are not responsible for children. During middle adulthood many of the functions of friends are performed by intimate partners. People also invest less in friendship once they have children (Wrzus et al., 2017). Friendship patterns over the lifespan reflect the fact that people have limited time and energy to invest in their many relationships and life goals. Throughout the lifespan quality friendships enhance life and wellness. Watch Friendships in Adulthood: 5 Things to Know. McGill Friendship Questionnaire-Functions of Friendship 1. Stimulating Companionship or joint participation in exciting activities Has good ideas about entertaining things to do. Is exciting to talk to. 2. Emotional Security or sense of safety Would be good to have around if I were frightened. Would make me feel comfortable in a new situation. 3. Support including emotional, informational, and material Lends me things that I need. Helps me when I'm trying hard to finish something. Shows me how to do things better. 4. Reliable Alliance or trust and loyalty. Would still want to be my friend even if we had a fight. Would stay my friend even if other people criticized me. 5. Self-Validation or encouragement and confirmation. Points out things that I am good at. Compliments me when I do something well. 6. Intimacy or sharing of feelings Is someone I can tell private things to. Knows when I'm upset. Table 9-5. The six functions of friendship as assessed by the McGill Friendship Questionnaire (Mendelson & Aboud, 1999) References Bogaerts, A., Claes, L., Buelens, T., Verschueren, M., Palmeroni, N., Bastiaens, T., & Luyckx, K. (2021). Identity synthesis and confusion in early to late adolescents: Age trends, gender differences, and associations with depressive symptoms. Journal of Adolescence, 87, 106–116. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2021.01.006 Causadias, J. M., Salvatore, J. E., & Sroufe, L. A. (2012). 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