Effective Counseling PDF

Ahuancth Wraining 1Juntttutt nf Amtrira A COMPREHENSIVE COURSE IN 'Effective Counsefing PART SIX Basic principles of God's Word are life-changing when they are properly understood and applied. The challenge of counseling is helping a person fully understand these principles and accurately apply...

Ahuancth Wraining 1Juntttutt nf Amtrira A COMPREHENSIVE COURSE IN 'Effective Counsefing PART SIX Basic principles of God's Word are life-changing when they are properly understood and applied. The challenge of counseling is helping a person fully understand these principles and accurately apply them. The most effective way to do this is to explain the Biblical concepts behind each principle. Biblical concepts are eternal truths that are put into words and pictures which we can comprehend with our spiritual understanding. They are the "windows" through which we can see the heart of the principle and the ways in which it should be applied. If you talk to a teenager who is bitter about a facial scar, it will not be very effective to simply tell him not to be bitter. However, if you explain the concept of marks of ownership, you will help him establish a deeper relationship with God and experience the strength that God gives through weakness. His bitterness will be turned to gratefulness. In order to explain concepts effectively, you must memorize key passages of Scripture, identify symptoms and sequences of self-rejection, learn key questions and steps of action, and use personal examples from your own life, as well as from the lives of others. The ultimate test of whether or not you have mastered this material is your ability to help other people thank God for the way He made them, and experience the freedom that comes from proper selfacceptance. The testimonies written by those who have found this freedom will be your documents of proficiency in this important ministry. i\huanrrh IDratntng ]nntttutr nf i\mrrira Box One• Oak Brook, IL 60522-3001 (708) 323-9800 2 A COMPREHENSIVE COURSE IN EFFECTIVE COUNSELING PART SIX 1 2 Review the Basic Resources Material on Design* 3 4 5 6 Memorize Key Seri pture Passages on Design ........................... 10 7 8 9 10 Study the Concepts of Design ..................................................... .4 Identify Symptoms ancf Sequences of Self-Rejection ................ 11 Learn Key Questions and Steps of Action ................................. 12 Write Out Personal Examples of Self-Acceptance .............._....... 13 Gather Examples From Others .................... ·~ .............................. 14 Review Counseling You Gave Others on This Topic ................. 15 Evaluate Written Testimonies of Those You Helped .................. 15 Present the Principle of Design to a Group *Basic Resources on Design: D Review your notes from Monday evening of the Basic Seminar. D Study the Basic Seminar Textbook, pages 10-18. D Read the Follow-Up Course booklet on self-acceptance. D Review the material on birth order in the Advanced Seminar Workbook. D Study the material on spiritual gifts in the Advanced Seminar Textbook. D Read the biography of the "Elephant Man" (Joseph Merrick, Heroes of Faith Series). D Read the biography of Fanny Crosby. 3 STUDY THE CONCEPTS OF DESIGN 1. God created each of us with a body, a soul, and a spirit. God created man in His image so he could have fellowship with God. God is three Persons in One. He formed man out of the dust of the ground (body), and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life (spirit), and man became a living soul (soul). Sometimes Scripture refers to man as a "living soul" (see I Peter 3:20); other times, man is described as "body and soul." (See Isaiah 10:18.) However, in I Thessalonians 5:23, God describes man as having three distinct parts: "... I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless .... " For the purpose of being blameless, we need to understand how these three aspects of our being function with each other. THE SPIRIT The spirit is the part of us that communicates with God. "The Spirit [of God] itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God" (Romans 8:16). This verse reveals that, by nature, each of us has a human spirit which God's Spirit unites with at salvation. "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God" (I Corinthians 2:11). The spirit of man is the home of man's faith. God gives extra faith before the mind is fully developed; thus, He instructs us to have the faith of a little child in order to enter His Kingdom. (See Mark 10:15.) The spirit is also the home of genuine love. There is a love that surpasses human comprehension. (See Ephesians 3:16-19.) The spirit is the home of the conscience. God has written His Law on our hearts so that each person's conscience debates with his mind. Other functions of the spirit include creativity, fervency (enthusiasm)-"fbeJ fervent in spirit" (Romans 12:11)-our drives, and wisdom from God. THESOUL The soul is composed of the mind, will, and emotions. We must bring these three areas under the control of God's Spirit and allow Him to work through our spirit. Otherwise, our souls will be controlled by our fleshly natures and we will be carnal. "For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would" (Galatians 5:17). 4 At the time of salvation, the spirit is born again. "That which is born of the Spirit is spirit" (John 3:6). The soul is not born again, but is to be transformed by the Word of God. " ... Receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls" (James 1:21). This instruction of Scripture was written to those who were already believers. The soul in us is similar to what the Promised Land was to the nation of Israel. The land was given to them, but it needed to be conquered. The battleground between God and Satan is the human soul. Whatever "ground" we do not regain in the early years of our Christian lives will develop strongholds against us in later years. Thus, it is vital to "remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them" (Ecclesiastes 12:1). THEBODY Man's body is the intricately formed container of his spirit and soul. Its delicately balanced systems are directly affected by what takes place in his spirit and soul. The body also contains the physical senses of taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. What takes place in the soul and spirit directly affects the body. Therefore, when we are sick, we are to call for the elders of the church and clear any hidden sins that could be the cause of the sickness. God also established the regular Communion service as a time for us to carefully examine ourselves. If we fail to do this, many will be weak, sickly, or will die. (See I Corinthians 11:28-30.) 2. We are created with ten unchangeable features. There are some things about ourselves that we can change, such as attitudes, behavior, and personal neatness. But there are other things we cannot change. What we cannot change, we must accept as God's perfect preparation for accomplishing His purpose for our lives, for giving us more grace, and for conforming us to the image of Christ. These unchangeable features help us to relate to Christ, because He experienced challenges in all ten: 1. Parents He was born with the false stigma of illegitimacy. 2. Physical Features He had "no beauty that we should desire him" (Isaiah 53:2). 3. Gender He laid aside His glory to become a man. 4. Brothers and Sisters He was not accepted by His own brothers. (See Mark 3:32.) 5. Birth Order As firstborn, He had greater responsibilities. (See John 19:26.) 6. Race He was born into a despised race which had many enemies. 7. National Origin His nation was under the rule and control of Rome. 8. Time in History He came during the reign of jealous and ruthless rulers. 9. Mental Capacity He did nothing of His own will, but obeyed God. (See John 5:30.) 10. Aging and Death He experienced the cruel torture of death by crucifixion. 5 3. Comparing unchangeables produces inferiority. We will always see people who we think are more intelligent, more attractive, or more capable than we are. If we compare ourselves in these ways, we will tend to feel inferior and inadequate. Thus, we are warned by God that it is unwise to compare ourselves with others, or to measure ourselves by others. (See II Corinthians 10:12.) It is wise, however, to compare changeable things, such as attitudes and skills. However, our measure for these must not be other people, but the Lord Jesus Christ. Even though we are a long way from becoming like Him, His holiness and purity motivate us to worship Him, and He gives us the grace to become the people He wants us to be. The problem with comparison is that people often put values on unchangeables that are contrary to God's values. For example, we think of the scars in Christ's hands and feet as beautiful because of their meaning to us in salvation. However, the world says that scars are ugly and have no significance. Christ's scars are for eternity, whereas the scars we bear will last only during this lifetime. When we are resurrected with Christ, we will be given a new body without the scars and "defects" we now have. These concepts, when presented properly, can help individuals change their outlook on the scars they have and be free to view them as Christ does. 4. God does not have an outward ideal, but an inward one. The practice of selecting a "Miss Universe" or a "Mr. Universe" is based on the false assumption that there is a universal outward ideal in physical appearance, strength, and ability. God has no such ideal, though if anyone would qualify for such titles, it would have been Adam and Eve as the perfect man and woman. Since the Fall of man, we all have defects, limitations, inadequacies, and blemishes on the outside. Every person ages, and every person dies. God's ideal, on the other hand, is the inward person of the heart with the character qualities of a meek and quiet spirit. These are the attributes which Christ used to describe Himself. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls" (Matthew 11:28-29). It is amazing to discover that those who win beauty contests have the same feelings of inferiority that others have, because of the personal "defects" of which they are aware, and because they are comparing themselves with others. In reality, those who are more attractive are subjected to more temptations. 6 5. God sacrifices outward beauty for inward character. Because our happiness and fulfillment come by the development of inward character qualities, it is understandable that God will sacrifice outward beauty in order to motivate us to develop inward character. Paul stated that "... though our outward man per- ish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day" (II Corinthians David testified, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes" (Psalm 119:71). 4:16). A beautiful vase would consider it a tragedy to have pieces broken out of its side. Yet if there is a light within, that is the only way for it to shine out. Before God can use us, He must break us. The key passage to demonstrate this point, however, is Paul's testimony about his thorn in the flesh. God specifically states that He sent this to Paul in order to humble him, so he would not become proud, but would instead experience inward strength through a new measure of God's grace. (See II Corinthians 12.) This is a key point in helping people understand why God allows outward scars, "defects," and aging. 6. Physical features frame God's message in us. The goal in counseling a person who has rejected himself is to help him concentrate on his inward qualities rather than his outward appearance. Several concepts are usually needed to help a person understand how God uses deficiencies on the outside to develop a more beautiful message on the inside. The frame is not noticed once the picture is complete. Its size, color, and shape amplify the artist's message. The concept of an artist selecting a frame is helpful in illustrating that, because there are many different messages that an artist may wish to portray, there are many varieties of frames from which he chooses. As the inward picture progresses, people do not notice the frame. Instead, they see how it amplifies the message. 7. God continues to perfect us on His artist's easel. A further concept from the field of art can be given by describing the interaction between the Artist and a canvas on an easel. As the Artist begins the picture, it will not look at all like the finished product. A bystander may mock the picture by saying it looks messy. If the canvas saw itself in a mirror, it might agree with 7 the bystander and decide to jump off the easel in order to try to improve itself. As the canvas would make marks, the Artist would wince because He had not planned for those marks to be there. The Artist would then appeal to the canvas to get back up on the easel so He could finish the picture He began. In this concept, we are able to understand the importance of having patience while God works on the picture of our soul. Those who have jumped off must get back on the easel and cooperate with God. In similar fashion, a child is of ten mocked by neighbors or classmates who point out differences in his physical features. He may "jump off" God's "easel" and begin making his own decisions in life. The decisions he makes are like marks on the canvas, but God is merciful and promises that if His child gets back up on His "easel," He will erase the marks made, and the ones that cannot be erased, He will make part of the message. In this way, He will give beauty for ashes. (See Isaiah 61:3.) 8. Grace is the desire and power God gives to do His will. A key factor in understanding why God allows humbling physical features is knowing the vital importance of grace and how we receive it. Grace is a dynamic power which God gives to us to carry out His will. Grace is given only to those who are humble. (See James 4:6.) Therefore, God must take us through humbling circumstances in order to conquer our pride and give us more of His grace. This was Paul's experience with his thorn in the flesh. Discuss with the person whom you are counseling how the changes he would like to make would actually remove an important means of his receiving God's grace. 9. Our defects are God's marks of ownership. A scar, birthmark, or ,, deformity'' will take on new meaning as it is viewed as God's mark of ownership. 8 One of the most powerful concepts in helping a person thank God for the way he was made is viewing his "defects" as marks of ownership. This concept is illustrated by a cattle rancher's placing a brand on each animal to identify ownership. A similar mark of ownership is placed on the ears of sheep. God knows that we are prone to forget that we belong to Him. "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (I Corinthians 6:19-20). Any birthmark, scar, or "defect" can take on a whole new meaning by being viewed as a mark of ownership. Paul stated that he carried in his body "... the marks of the Lord Jesus" (Galatians 6:17). The word marks here is translated from the Greek word stigma. It means "a mark incised or punched for recognition of ownership; a scar of service; a brand to identify ownership." If a defect can be turned into a daily reminder that we belong to God, it will serve a very useful purpose by allowing us to "glory in our infirmities." 10. God has a special purpose for the fatherless. A common cause of bitterness is the loss or absence of parents, especially the father. God knows the importance of a father's role in the lives of children. Therefore, He is careful to explain in Scripture that He is "a father of the fatherless . . ." (Psalm 68:5), and that "when my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up" (Psalm 27:10). It is also important to point out to a son or daughter who has lost one or both parents that God has a special purpose for his or her life. This fact can be illustrated by pointing out the many great men and women in Scripture who were brought up without their birth parents. For example, Moses was taken from his parents. Samuel was given up by his parents. Daniel was separated from his parents. Both of Esther's parents died. Timothy lost his father, and so did Jesus sometime during His growing-up years. In order for one who is fatherless to overcome bitterness and experience God's special purpose for his life, he must do two things: first, thank God for His purposes in taking away his birth father; and second, dedicate himself to serving God and others. Each of the fatherless in Scripture who were mentioned above became great through serving. It is helpful to lead the person you are counseling in an audible prayer, thanking God for His greater purposes and dedicating himself to serving God and others. 11. Birth order produces predictable tendencies. Scripture identifies various individuals as firstborn, secondborn, or thirdborn. These same individuals possess characteristics that tend to correspond with their birth order. In helping a person accept himself, it is important for you to help him understand how his position in the family affects his outlook on life, his relationship with others, and his basic needs. It would be important to study this material in the Advanced Seminar Workbook and be able to explain the general concepts behind it. 9 MEMORIZE KEY SCRIPTURES ON DESIGN ] God prescribed us before birth. "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. "My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. "Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them" (Psalm 139:14-16). J God created us in three parts. "And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ" (I Thessalonians 5:23). "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground [body], and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life [spirit]; and man became a living soul [soul]" (Genesis 2:7). "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God" (Romans 8:16). "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls" (James 1:21). "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12). 10 D Comparison produces inferiority. "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise" (II Corinthians 10:12). D God has one inward ideal. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren" (Romans 8:28-29). D "Grace" is the desire and power. "But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me" (I Corinthians 15:10). "For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). D "Defects" give grace and power. "For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (II Corinthians 12:8-9). D Defects are marks of ownership. "From henceforth let no man trouble me: for I bear in my body the marks [Gr. stigma: marks of ownership] of the Lord Jesus" (Galatians 6:17). D Each believer has a spiritual gift. "As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God" (I Peter 4:10). D Sin affects our health. "But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. "For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. "For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep" (I Corinthians 11:28-30). D The less attractive are more needed. "And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you. "Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary: "And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. "For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: "That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another. "And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it" (I Corinthians 12:21-26). IDENTIFYSYMPTOMSANDSEQUENCESOF SELF-REJECTION SYMPTOMS INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: D Attempts to hide "defects" D Name-dropping D Need for status symbols D Hypersensitivity to criticism D Conformity to fads D Criticism of others D Excessive shyness D Inability to give or receive praise D Self-criticism D Overdone makeup and jewelry D Mocking others' physical features D Need for constant approval D Wishful comparison with others D Rejection of family background 11 SEQUENCES INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: D Rejects self-doubts God's control-rejects God the Creator D Rejects self-rejects others as well-does not accept life partner D Resents defect"-feels inadequate-surrenders to moral impurity II D Rejects self-envies others-hurts them with criticism and gossip D Rejects self-feels worthless-fails to attempt assigned tasks D Rejects self-seeks out important people-boasts of accomplishments D Rejects self-anticipates rejection-does foolish things for attention D Feels inferior-wants children to excel-puts undue pressure on them D Rejects family-avoids being with them-becomes peer dependent D Rejects defects"-tries to hide them-conforms to passing fads II D Rejects self-needs status symbols to impress-goes into debt LEARN KEY QUESTIONS AND STEPS OF ACTION • "If you had the power, would you change anything about the way you look?" • "When you were younger, did others point out 'defects' in your appearance or call you names?" • "Have you ever wished you could look like somebody else?" • "Do you know what the meaning of your name is?" 1. Emphasize how God formed him in love. 2. Identify God's ten unchangeables. 3. Explain how character brings happiness. 4. Point out that God sacrifices outward beauty in order to build inward character. 5. Explain "defects" as marks of ownership. 6. Emphasize that God is still forming him. 7. Encourage him to get back on God's "easel." 8. Thank God for all unchangeable features. • "Do you know what your motivational spiritual gift is?" • "Have you ever thanked God for the way He made you?" 12 9. Take back "ground" from past bitterness. 10. List benefits for" defects." 11. Develop and use spiritual gift. WRITE OUT PERSONAL EXAMPLES The most effective counseling occurs when we share from our own lives how we were enabled to conquer similar problems. This is the message of II Corinthians 1:3-4, "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." In order to use your experiences most effectively, it would be helpful for you to write them out in the following format: 1. Unchangeable features in myself that I rejected: 2. Wrong ways in which I responded to them: 3. Steps I took to gain self-acceptance: 4. Beneficial results that have occurred in my life: Evaluate with another person what you have written out and make sure that every word and idea is as clear and concise as possible. Be prepared to give this testimony whenever an opportunity presents itself. 13 GATHER EXAMPLES FROM OTHERS Read the biographies of the "Elephant Man" (Joseph Merrick) and Fanny Crosby. Both of them had major "defects" that would have caused the average person to become bitter toward God. Discover the mental outlooks they had that enabled them to accept themselves, and list ways that God blessed them and others because of their defects. Why did the "Elephant Man" cover himself with a cape? What was the secret wish of the "Elephant Man"? How was he honored because of his defects? How did Fanny Crosby compensate for her blindness? What spiritual benefits did she experience because of her blindness? How did God honor her and bless others through her blindness? A Further Example from History: How God Used an Ugly Face to Attract a Hearing and Bring Revival During the latter part of the eighteenth century, lawlessness on the American frontier ,was out of control. Law-abiding citizens tried unsuccessfully to provide their own protection and justice. One day, a Scotch-Irish minister named James McGready came to Kentucky. He immediately attracted attention because his face was so ugly. It was reported that people would sometimes stop in the street to ask, "What does he do for a living?" Others would answer, "He's a preacher." The response was, "A man with a face like that must really have somethmg to say!" People came to hear him and discovered that he was a powerful man of prayer. He motivated people to gather and pray on the first Monday of every month, and at sunset Saturday evening and sunrise Sunday morning. One year later, in 1800, the great Kentucky revival began. Eleven thousand people came to one service. McGready asked for help from other ministers, and the great camp meeting revivals began to sweep across Kentucky and Tennessee, then across North and South Carolina and along the frontier. Thus, a physical "defect" became an opportunity for receiving God's grace and bringing inward beauty to multitudes. 14 REVIEW EACH COUNSELING SESSION There are several important parts to an effective counseling session: 1. Asking the right questions-Write out the questions you asked the person. Decide whether they were yes-or-no questions, for example, "Are there features you would like to change?" or whether they were too personal, such as, "What features would you like to change?" 2. Being an instructive listener-Did you nod, smile, and allow the person time to think through his answers, or did you rush through your material? 3. Explaining the concepts-Did you create interest in the concepts by telling how they helped you? Also, did you choose specific concepts, or did you just go through all the material? 4. Quoting precise Scriptures-Did you reinforce your points with precise Scriptures, or did you just give the material as though the points were your ideas? 5. Leading in steps of prayer-Did you review the steps of prayer that he needed to take, having him follow you in prayer if necessary, or did you leave him with information that was not acted upon? 6. Sensing personal freedom-After prayer, was there a sense of freedom, or were there further questions that needed to be answered? Did you answer the questions with additional concepts, and did you list benefits of the "defects"? 7. Praying for the person-Are you continuing to pray for the spiritual growth of this person, or did your concern end when your counseling session did? EVALUATE WRITTEN TESTIMONIES As you sense spiritual growth in your counselee as a result of his grasping the truths you shared with him, it is wise to encourage him to solidify what he learned by writing it out in a personal testimony. Encourage him to use the same four points that you used in writing up your testimony. As you read over his testimony, you will be able to see how many concepts he remembers and how meaningful the prayer was. The person's understanding of these spiritual truths will tend to grow as he walks in the light of the Biblical truths he has learned. Three or more clear, written testimonies from those whom you have helped will be the confirming witnesses that you have mastered the material in this course. Now you are ready to present the material to a larger group. Date completed _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ Number of written testimonies _ _ _ __ 15 liiiii~ . P01007