Developing Soft Skills & Personality Lecture Notes PDF

Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 1 Lecture 7 Professor T. Ravichandran...

Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 1 Lecture 7 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur   David McClelland: 3 needs  Affiliation, Power and  Self-awareness Achievement  Spontaneity  The desire to excel: N-Ach  Being vision- and value-led:  PQ, IQ, EQ & SQ  Holism Highlights  Danah Zohar’s Spiritual  Compassion Intelligence  Celebration of diversity of the  12 Underlying principles  Field independence Last Lecture  Act from higher  Humility motivations  Tendency to ask fundamental “Why?” questions  Live life as a project with sensitivity towards  Ability to reframe Goodness, Truth and  Positive use of adversity Beauty  Sense of vocation   1. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash:  2. to fight or contend; do battle. What is  3. a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle; strife.  4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. Conflict?  5. discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas.  6. a striking together; collision. CONFLICT HAPPENS Conflict is… a normal, accepted, expected, inescapable part of life  Everyone faces conflict in their lives on a daily basis. a periodic occurrence in any relationship an opportunity to understand opposing preferences and values 4  Destructive How can or Constructive? we manageDes the energy of conflict? Resolving Conflict 5  Destructive Constructive  Disagreement about ideas  Disagreement about and approaches personality and character  Issue focused  Attacks individuals  Respects differences tries to resolve with hurting personal Resolving  Personal antagonism sentiments fueled by difference of Conflict opinion  Constructive and ensures  Destructive to group group performance and progress and cohesion cohesion  Characteristic of low  Characteristic of High performers performers  Escalating Eliminating  Showing anger, threatening  Being calm and collected  Hitting, throwing things  Keeping anger in control  Shouting, Yelling  Avoiding personal attacks Escalating  Using abusive words  Agreeing to the extent Eliminating  Insulting, ridiculing possible conflicts?  Being rigid & refusing to  Being flexible and willing to change or compromise change and compromise  Refusing to discuss and  Looking for a win-win arrive at a solution solution  Protesting, walking out  Persisting patiently till the conflict is resolved  Not to Say To Say  I am right, but you are  You are right, but I am not wrong wrong  What you say is true, BUT …  What you say is true, AND What to Say  I should WIN in this, but you  Let’s find a WIN-WIN and should LOSE solution  You are responsible  I own responsibility Not to Say?  You should apologise  I am sorry, if I have hurt you  You never listen or made this mistake  You always do this  I am listening  I promise not to repeat   Negotiation  Mediation What resolves  Looking at both sides conflicts?  A Win-Win attitude  1. Negotiating - two individuals sit down and work out a resolution together 2. Mediation – a third party assists individuals in finding a solution 3 Levels of 3. Arbitration – involves a third party and is instituted when negotiations and mediations fail Conflict  [(Law) the hearing and determination of a dispute by an impartial referee agreed to by both parties (often used to settle Resolution disputes between labour and management)]  Arbiter: gives authoritative judgment  Harmonise When is Conflict Relationships using Positive? Win-Win Problem Solving No life is lived without conflicts Every relationship will face conflicting situations at some point or other When we are able to resolve internal and interpersonal conflicts, using win-win problem solving, it strengthens the relationship. when we don’t, it destroys it.  Peace comes not from the absence of conflicts But from the ability to cope up with it.  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 2 Lecture 8 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur   Conflicts— disagreements, struggles, fights as part of life  Destructive or constructive ways of resolving conflicts Highlights of the  What to say and not say Last Lecture  Escalate / Eliminate conflicts  3 levels: Negotiation, Mediation, Arbitration  A Win-Win attitude  Peace & harmony comes by solving the conflicts Looking at Both Sides   Choosing a conducive environment  Brainstorming  Getting the facts  Active/Reflective Listening  Focusing on the problem, not the person  Defusing/managing anger Conflict  Avoiding communication blockers Resolution  Empathy skills Skills &  Cognitive restructuring (Cognition: The psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning) Process  Negotiating outcomes  Choosing a solution that works for everybody  1. Shilpa and Kishore loved each other for three years. They waited till Kishore got a good job and got married despite the opposition from both the families. They were happy to move to Mumbai for Kishore’s job. But after one year of marriage, Kishore has become uncommunicative. He comes home late Inter-personal from work and wants to be left alone in front of the Conflict: TV to unwind. Shilpa feels excluded. She realizes that Kishore has become self-centred and is Example 1 unconcerned about her well-being. She has been wondering whether she should file for divorce. You are their neighbour and a trusted family friend. How would you stop Shilpa from filing for divorce and make Kishore communicative and caring?   Son: Dad, you promised me to take me for a foreign trip this summer?  Father: Yes, I did, if you get 10 point CPI.  Son: But, I have got 9.6. That’s close enough.  Father: But, it doesn’t make it 10 kid!  Son: You are so mean dad!  Father: So mean to a loser! Look at Aditya, he has secured 10 point throughout! Inter-personal  Son: But his dad loves him always and supports him. You hate me dad! You love only your daughter, not me! Conflict:  Father: That’s unfair after all I have done for you! I used all my savings to pay the fees for your college! You ungrateful dog! (In his anger, he slaps Example 2 him).  Son: (Cries) You will never understand me dad, never... I hate you! I am leaving home, right now!  As the mother to the son, how would you stop him and make both the father and son understand each other?   Remember: When you are able to provide win-win solution, Win-Win There is an intense feeling of mutual respect Solution Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 3 Lecture 9 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Resolving Conflicts— Looking at both sides Highlights Giving contingency to the third side! of the Conflict Resolution Skills & Process Last Lecture Two Conflict Situations 1. Husband-Wife 2. Father-Son   Choosing a conducive environment  Brainstorming  Getting the facts  Active/Reflective Listening  Focusing on the problem, not the person  Defusing/managing anger Conflict  Avoiding communication blockers Resolution  Empathy skills Skills &  Cognitive restructuring (Cognition: The psychological result of perception and learning and reasoning) Process  Negotiating outcomes  Choosing a solution that works for everybody  1. Shilpa and Kishore loved each other for three years. They waited till Kishore got a good job and got married despite the opposition from both the families. They were happy to move to Mumbai for Kishore’s job. But after one year of marriage, Kishore has become uncommunicative. He comes home late Inter-personal from work and wants to be left alone in front of the Conflict: TV to unwind. Shilpa feels excluded. She realizes that Kishore has become self-centred and is Example 1 unconcerned about her well-being. She has been wondering whether she should file for divorce. You are their neighbour and a trusted family friend. How would you stop Shilpa from filing for divorce and make Kishore communicative and caring?  Bertrand Russell, “Knowledge and Wisdom” ... consider the case of two men, Mr A and Mr B, who hate each other and, through mutual hatred, bring each other to destruction. Suppose you go to Mr A and say, “Why do you hate Mr B?” He will no doubt give you an appalling list of Mr B’s vices, partly true, partly false. And now suppose you go to Mr B. He will give you an exactly similar list of Mr A’s vices with an equal admixture of truth and falsehood. Suppose you now come back to Mr A and say, “You will be surprised too learn that Mr B says the same things about you as you say about him,” and you go to Mr B and make a similar speech. The first effect, no doubt, will be to increase their mutual hatred, since each will be so horrified by the other’s injustice.  But perhaps, if you have sufficient patience and sufficient persuasiveness, you may succeed in convincing each that the other has only the normal share of human wickedness, and that their enmity is harmful to both.  If you can do this, you will have instilled some fragment of wisdom.   Choosing a conducive environment Invite Shilpa & Kishore to your home, or a picnic to their favourite place, restaurant  Defusing/managing anger Make them play games (Truth or Dare), give them a team task (doubles in tennis)  Brainstorming May not work, if they are not willing to participate  Getting the facts (Russell Method) Inter-personal Make them list out five things they like in each other; and five they dislike; Conflict: Qs: Why did you marry against opposition? Why don’t you share the problems at job? What do you do at home? How do you feel in the long absence of Kishore? Solution 1  Active/Reflective Listening Listen to what they have to tell about each other and who triggered the conflict  Focusing on the problem, not the person Identify how you can stop the divorce; do not takes sides or approve of one-sided blames   Avoiding communication blockers Do not let them shout at each other or say “Shut up” “You never understand me” etc.  Empathy skills Make both feel that you are clearly understanding their problems and you are there to help them; Shilpa can empathise with his job stress; Kishore on her lonely feeling  Cognitive restructuring (Cognition: The psychological result of perception and learning Inter-personal and reasoning) You can reconstruct the entire episode of conflict into a game like situation where you Conflict: take suggestions from them for identifying the triggers and removing them. Bring back the trust and love.  Negotiating outcomes Solution 1 Discuss with them the outcomes of separation, and the benefits of living together  Choosing a solution that works for everybody 1. Making Shilpa go to her friend’s or parents home 2. Making Kishore take a break from job 3. Help them plan for travel together 4. They decide to help each other and live together. 5. Plan for a baby.   Son: Dad, you promised me to take me for a foreign trip this summer?  Father: Yes, I did, if you get 10 point CPI.  Son: But, I have got 9.6. That’s close enough.  Father: But, it doesn’t make it 10 kid!  Son: You are so mean dad!  Father: So mean to a loser! Look at Aditya, he has secured 10 point throughout! Inter-personal  Son: But his dad loves him always and supports him. You hate me dad! You love only your daughter, not me! Conflict:  Father: That’s unfair after all I have done for you! I used all my savings to pay the fees for your college! You ungrateful dog! (In his anger, he slaps Solution 2 him).  Son: (Cries) You will never understand me dad, never... I hate you! I am leaving home, right now!  As the mother to the son, how would you stop him and make both the father and son understand each other?   Son: Dad, you promised me to take me for a foreign trip this summer?  Father: Yes, I did, if you get 10 point CPI.  Son: But, I have got 9.6. That’s close enough.  Father: But, it doesn’t make it 10 kid!  Son: You are so mean dad!  Father: So mean to a loser! Look at Aditya, he has secured 10 point throughout! Inter-personal  Son: But his dad loves him always and supports him. You hate me dad! You love only your daughter, not me! Conflict:  Father: That’s unfair after all I have done for you! I used all my savings to pay the fees for your college! You ungrateful dog! (In his anger, he slaps Example 2 him).  Son: (Cries) You will never understand me dad, never... I hate you! I am leaving home, right now!  As the mother to the son, how would you stop him and make both the father and son understand each other?  Choosing a conducive environment (temple, mall)  Brainstorming (sitting together, and planning for a vacation)  Getting the facts (knowing who said what)  Active/Reflective Listening (listen to both)  Focusing on the problem, not the person (take the kid for a trip)  Defusing/managing anger (by love and concern)  Avoiding communication blockers (not letting them blame)  Empathy skills (make them know you feel their pain)  Cognitive restructuring (tell them how better the situation could have been avoided: stopping comparison, Is CPI more important than son’s well-being?)  Negotiating outcomes (going out, staying at home; going to Ladakh)  Choosing a solution that works for everybody (live at the home with proper understanding, saying sorry, hugging)   Remember: When you are able to provide win-win solution, Win-Win There is an intense feeling of mutual respect Solution Love grows deeper with every conflict resolved.  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 4 Lecture 10 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Discussed solutions to two conflicts at inter-personal level Highlights Looking at both sides of the Giving contingency to the third side! Last Lecture Bertrand Russell’s approach to instilling wisdom  Emphasising NEED instead of Demanding SOLUTION Demanding Emphasising SOLUTION NEED  Sister: (to her brother  Sister: Hey guys! who is playing music Nice Music! I need a loudly and dancing with his friends) Monkeys! quite atmosphere Can’t you go out and because I am Other ways of jump and babble on preparing for my trees? I need a peaceful exam tomorrow... Resolving atmosphere. Conflicts  Brother (and friends):  Brother: You goose, we We will leave soon are just freaking out, you can find a peaceful and you can work in place yourself! peace!  Emphasising NEED instead of Demanding SOLUTION Demanding Emphasising SOLUTION NEED  Wife: To do my Yoga I  Wife: (to her husband) I need a calm place. like it calm. Can’t you  Husband: (1) OK I will switch off the TV and do switch off the TV and something meaningful? Other ways of read that novel. (2) OK.  Husband: But, my I will use the Bluetooth Resolving favourite program is headphone (3) I will Conflicts going on, it will take just leaving for jogging time. Why don’t you go now. (4) Never mind, I upstairs? can watch the program on the internet later!  Intergroups Intragroups Interpersonal Intra Personal  Toughest conflict resolution skills are needed for dealing with intra-personal ones! Leaves one with the psychological dilemma whether or not to do a thing. To get up or not to get up? To brush your teeth or not to before having a cup of tea? To go for a morning walk or not? To talk to some one or not? To take bath or not? To complete that long pending work or not? To stop procrastination or not? To give up laziness or not? To become successful or not? To become a self-actualized individual or not? Should I continue with this course or not?   ANGER: When somebody gets angry, s/he intimidates others. When an angry father threatens to beat the mother, children become very anxious. Why conflicts  Often people cause conflicts by acting on are seen in psychologically perceived threats. negative  People generally don’t like disagreements; they perspective? lose their love and affection to people who keep disagreeing with them constantly. They will either avoid or turn hostile.   A well-resolved conflict has the potential to bring  In workplace, creative solutions can be arrived out productive results at.  Conflicts can be used  In intra/interpersonal positively for Clarifying, conflicts, it can be helpful in enriching and Learning, and for developing new ties and How can a promoting a stimulating friendships. environment.  In intra-group conflicts, conflict be the group becomes more  It can help in positive? strengthening caring and inclusive relationships and foster  Overall, conflicts are opportunities for growth intimate bonds. and overcoming hurdles towards reaching  At a person level, one can excellence. emerge courageous.   Avoiding (Shy, introverts, peace-makers)  Accommodating (unassertive, cooperative, relationships first)  Attacking (Aggressive, Powerful, dominating) Resolving Types  Collaborating (assertive and cooperative, seek win-win)  Competing ( win-lose, non-cooperative, own concerns)  Compromising (sacrificing, seeking harmony, lose-lose) Become Embrace Conflicts Conflict- Resolution Look for conflicts and test your abilities Expert to resolve them Help friends and colleagues Gently interfere in unknown situations  Use conflicts as opportunities to develop your personality and strengthen human relationships!  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 5 Lecture 11 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur   Discussed other ways of resolving conflicts.  Emphasising NEED instead of Demanding SOLUTION  Types of Conflicts: Intra/Interpersonal and Intra/Intergroup  Toughest is the intrapersonal one Highlights  Why conflicts are seen in a negative perspective?  Why you need to see it in a positive perspective? of the Essential for increase in productivity, intimacy in relationships and growth for self. Last Lecture  Resolving Types: Avoiding, Accommodating, Attacking Collaborating, Competing, Compromising  Becoming an expert: Embrace conflicts, test your abilities resolve them.  Conflicts are hidden opportunities to strengthen your personality and develop harmonious relationships—two aspects which are important for your personal as well as professional success.  Do get irritated with others, sometimes for no reason? Do you get head ache frequently? Do you reduce/increase weight suddenly (eating/not-eating)? Do you fall sick so often? Do you take time to recuperate? Sometimes do you just shout at people? Are you getting sound sleep at night? Do you lose keys, pens, mobiles often? Are not able to concentrate on work? Do you lose interest in people? Are you afraid of meeting some people? Do you feel annoyed when you have to respond to so many e-mails and phonecalls? Do you get moody frequently? If your answer is YES to most of the questions, Then you are...  You are Stressed! Stress is Mental pressure, emotional worry, physical strain caused due to imbalance between situational demands and individual’s ability to handle it. What is stress? Imagine a situation that you will have to reach the airport in an hour. But before that you need to sign on 50 files, talk to 10 people, wait for someone to finish a task, on the way your car is moving slowly in the traffic jam... meanwhile, your wife is unwell and wants to know whether you have some time to go with her to the hospital. Do only human beings get stressed? Do only certain types of human beings get stressed? Type A Type B Type AB   Certain stress is necessary to warm you up  Man is inherently laziness Is Stress Bad or  Parkinson’s Law: “Work expands so as to fill Good? the time available for its completion.”  Stress is needed for breaking the inertia and getting into the flow  Good Stress: Eustress  Positive Pumps in adrenalin Makes you focussed & determined Master of Eleventh hour Good Stress  Find creative ways of solving a Eustress problem; experience peaks Eg: A better job in a foreign country, getting married, achieving a challenging target   Causes your fear, anger, apprehension, worry, tension has a negative impact on your body or mind  Haste makes waste: Many mistakes are likely to happen  Sometimes more than the estimated amount of time will be required.  Risk of leaving a work incomplete or submitting an Bad Stress imperfect work can leave one with added stress. Distress  Can disrupt the routine: eating (more or less, untimed); sleeping  Unregulated stress can lead to mental depression and other psychological problems;  physical ill health such as BP, heart attack, stroke, piles, ulcer, cancer, etc.  Developing Soft Skills and Personality Week 2 Module 6 Lecture 12 Professor T. Ravichandran Department of Humanities and Social Sciences, IIT Kanpur  Caused self-awareness about stress Stress is an imbalance between situational demand and individual supply. Highlights All people, all livings things get of the stressed. Last Lecture Good stress (Eustress) and Bad Stress (Distress)   Some are more cheerful and relaxed than others, at home or at work. Why?  Many people have died due to stress.  Those who have survived have emerged as strong leaders and saved mankind from man-made or Why should natural disasters. you regulate  As Nietzsche said, what doesn’t kill you, makes stress? you stronger!  High bps, heart attacks, diabetes, Nervous breakdowns can be handled if stress is regulated!  you complete tasks easier and better; create time for other jobs or just to relax with family or friends. When Stress is You will stay calm even in Regulated testing times; people won’t know whether you are undergoing stress or not.  Regulating: Not beating or killing Governing, modulating, controlling, directing Regulating Manage Environment: Stress home, office, education, general surroundings, colleagues, lifestyle   Personal health habits: Keeping fit  Sleeping 7 to 8 hours  Exercise for 45 minutes Regulating  Yoga or meditation Stress  Eating healthy food in time (Governing, modulating, controlling, directing)  Mindfulness: committed fully to what you are doing  Being mindful while bathing or sipping tea  Plan the work, and work the plan  Break from work   Master first the intrapersonal level stresses by maintaining healthy habits  Try to regulate inter-personal/intra/inter group Mastering stresses Stress  Identify individuals or groups with stress  Give suggestions, tell them jokes, share your experience, make them talk, laugh...   Shower (hot or cold)  Talking to a friend  Walk in a natural setting  Listening to favourite/soothing music  Deep breathing  Watching a favourite movie Stress Regulating (not managing or beating)  Reading a favourite novel, or pages from motivating book  Going to a temple  Shopping in a mall  Eating your favourite food  Laughing