Conflict Resolution Strategies

Resolving Conflict

• A constructive disagreement focuses on approaches and ideas rather than people.
• Low performers typically use destructive conflict resolution strategies, focusing on personal attacks. Attacks fueled by conflicting opinions and personalities are destructive to progress and group cohesion.
• High performers use constructive conflict resolution strategies that focus on the issues while respecting differences. This leads to constructive results for the group.
• Conflict escalates when people show anger, threaten, shout, insult, and refuse to compromise.
• Conflict is eliminated by remaining calm, controlling anger, avoiding personal attacks, being flexible and willing to compromise, and seeking win-win solutions.

Escalating vs. Eliminating Conflicts

• Escalating conflicts include showing anger, threatening, hitting, throwing things, shouting, yelling, using abusive words, insulting, being rigid, refusing to change or compromise, protesting, and walking out.
• Eliminating conflicts includes being calm, controlling anger, avoiding personal attacks, agreeing to the extent possible, being flexible, being willing to change and compromise, seeking win-win solutions, persisting patiently until the conflict is resolved.

What to Say vs. Not to Say in conflict situations

• Instead of saying, "I am right, but you are wrong", try "You are right, but I am not wrong."
• Instead of saying, "What you say is true, BUT..." try "What you say is true, AND..."
• Instead of saying, "I should WIN in this, but you should LOSE", try "Let’s find a WIN-WIN solution."
• Instead of saying, "You are responsible", try "I own responsibility."

Conflict Example 2: Father and Son

• A father promised his son a trip abroad if he achieves a 10-point CPI, but the son only achieved 9.6.
• The son feels the father does not support him.
• The father is angry and resorts to physical abuse.
• The son feels betrayed and leaves home.
• To resolve this conflict, consider these steps:
  • Choose a conducive environment (e.g., temple, mall).
  • Brainstorm together, planning for a vacation.
  • Get the facts of the situation.
  • Use active and reflective listening to understand both sides.
  • Focus on the problem, not the person (take the kid for a trip).
  • Defuse anger by expressing love and concern.
  • Avoid communication blockers (e.g., blaming).
  • Show empathy to make them feel understood.
  • Use cognitive restructuring to reframe the situation.
  • Negotiate outcomes (e.g., going out, staying at home; going to Ladakh).
  • Find a solution that works for everyone (living at home with understanding, apologizing, hugging).

Win-Win Solutions

• Win-win solutions create a deep feeling of mutual respect.
• Love grows deeper with each resolved conflict when a win-win solution is found.

Other Ways of Resolving Conflicts: Emphasizing Need Instead of Demanding Solutions

• Instead of demanding a solution, emphasize the need.
• For example, instead of saying, "I need a peaceful atmosphere," try "Hey guys! Who is playing music? It's nice music, but I need a quiet atmosphere because I am preparing for my exam tomorrow."

Types of Conflict

• Intrapersonal: Within oneself. The toughest conflict resolution skills are needed for this type.
• Interpersonal: Between two or more individuals.
• Intragroup: Within a group.
• Intergroup: Between different groups.

Resolving Types

• Avoiding: A conflict-resolution strategy used by introverts, peacemakers, or those who are shy.
• Accommodating: A conflict-resolution strategy used by unassertive, cooperative individuals who prioritize relationships.
• Attacking: A conflict-resolution strategy used by aggressive, powerful individuals with a dominating style.
• Collaborating: A conflict-resolution strategy used by assertive and cooperative individuals seeking a win-win situation.
• Competing: A conflict-resolution strategy used by individuals who are non-cooperative and prioritize their own concerns in a win-lose scenario.
• Compromising: A conflict-resolution strategy used by individuals who are willing to sacrifice to find harmony, leading to a lose-lose scenario.

Becoming a Conflict-Resolution Expert

• Embrace conflicts and test your ability to resolve them.
• Help friends and colleagues resolve conflicts.
• Gently intervene in unknown situations to help others resolve conflict.
• Use conflicts as opportunities to develop personality and strengthen human relationships.

Stress Regulation

• Regulating: Not managing or beating stress, but instead governing, modulating, controlling, and directing it.
• Managing Environment: This includes influencing home, office, education, general surroundings, colleagues, lifestyle, and personal health habits.

Regulating Stress

• Personal Health Habits: Keeping fit, sleeping 7-8 hours, exercising for 45 minutes, practicing yoga or meditation, and eating healthy foods at regular times.
• Mindfulness: Fully engaging in what you are doing. This can involve being mindful while bathing or sipping tea.
• Plan the Work, Work the Plan: Breaking down tasks and staying organized.
• Breaks from Work: Regular breaks to reduce stress.

Mastering Stress

• Master the Intrapersonal Level: Maintain healthy habits to manage stress.
• Regulate Inter-personal, Intra-group, and Inter-group Stress: Identify stressful individuals or groups, give suggestions, tell jokes, share your experiences, encourage them to talk, have them laugh.

Stress-Relieving Activities

• Taking a shower (hot or cold)
• Talking to a friend
• Walking in nature
• Listening to favorite or soothing music
• Deep breathing exercises
• Watching a favorite movie
• Reading a favorite novel or motivating book
• Going to a temple
• Shopping at a mall
• Eating favorite food
• Laughing