The Marriage Covenant PDF

Text_FINAL.indb 1 T H E MA R R IAGE C OVENAN T 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 2 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 3 THE MARRIAGE C OV E N A N T DEREK PRINCE MINISTRIES - ASIA/PACIFIC 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 4 THE MARRIAGE COVENANT Copyright © 1978, 2006 Derek Prince Ministries-International Published by Derek Prince Ministries-Asia/Pacific PO Box 2029, Christchurch, New Zealand 8140 [email protected] Printed by Derek Prince Ministries All rights reserved. 2000/0617/LOP ISBN 978-81-89250-90-4 Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the New American Standard Bible, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked (KJV) are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Cover Design: DPM-Asia/Pacific 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 5 CO N TEN TS Foreword by Ruth Prince 7 1 Marriage is a Covenant 13 2 The Nature of Covenant 33 3 Union Between Man and Woman 56 4 Finding Your Mate 84 5 Union with God 104 6 Union with God’s People 118 7 The Point of Decision 143 About the Author 161 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 6 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 7 FO RE W O R D SOON AFTER I CAME TO KNOW THE LORD JESUS AS my Savior and Messiah in 1970, I came into contact with real Christians whose marriages were a constant testimony to His lordship in their lives. At about the same time, I became acquainted with the teaching and ministry of Derek Prince, Charles Simpson, and others. As a single woman, my prayer to God was, “Set me under authority, in the place You have for me, that I may serve You in the best way and help to prepare for the coming of Your kingdom.” My prayers were answered several years later, in a way that I had not anticipated, when God chose me to be Derek’s wife, his new “help meet” (genesis 2:18 kjv). Derek’s first wife, Lydia, was an extraordinary woman who laid down her life and her own successful ministry 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 8 8 the marriag e co v enant in Jerusalem for her husband. When Derek married her in 1946, she was a respected spiritual leader there with an established work of her own.1 However, she accepted willingly the behind-thescenes role of intercessor, homemaker, supporter— that of a true wife, until her death in 1975. When I first came into close personal contact with Derek, I was impressed by the way he lived out his teaching in his personal conduct; he “practiced what he preached.” I have come to see that much of his present ability to minister to the needs of God’s people has its roots in the relationship he and Lydia had with one another for almost thirty years and in their relationship, as a unit, with the Lord. Most of the material contained in The Marriage Covenant was developed and taught before I came into Derek’s life. Yet, in the same period of time, while I was living in Jerusalem completely out of touch with his ministry and teaching, the Holy Spirit was speaking to me along the same lines 1. Lydia’s own dramatic story is told by Derek in their book, Appointment in Jerusalem, published just before her death in 1975. The 30th anniversary edition is available from Derek prince Ministries. Note: All of Derek Prince’s daughters have since married. Note: Derek and Ruth remained happily married until her death in 1998. Together, they traveled and ministered around the world, fulfilling the Great Commission. 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 9 FOREWORD 9 about the real meaning of covenant. My study led me to Genesis chapter 15. I identified with the experience of Abraham as he entered into a deep, personal, life-changing relationship with God—a relationship so profound that we still refer to our God as “the God of Abraham.” It was a life of total commitment. During the same period, I was also reflecting on the role of women in the body of Christ. I saw that God had created Eve for the sole purpose of meeting Adam’s need, that man was not complete without his God-given mate. It seems to me that in contemporary Western society, and in much of the church, too many women are endeavoring (often loudly) to do something they were never created to do—to succeed in life as independent, solitary entities. For a number of years, I myself sought fulfillment in that way as a career woman. But when I entered into a relationship with Jesus, my life was redirected. I began to see that it is women who are the losers when they neglect the marriage covenant—along with the men who are not able to achieve the wholeness God intended for them in union with their mates. I realize that it is not possible for every man and every woman to find that ideal mate and that it 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 10 10 the marriag e co v enant certainly is better to be alone with the Lord than to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. For many, there is no other choice than to remain single. The quality of the single life, with which I am well acquainted, can be determined by the quality of the relationship with God and the relationship with other Christians. Commitment seems to be the key—commitment to God, to His will for your life, and to that part of the body of Christ with which you are connected. It seems appropriate that the first publishing of this book is just as Derek and I are joining our lives in the covenant of marriage. At the same time, I am joining myself to the part of the body with which he is as-sociated in the United States, and he with the part of the body to which I belong in Jerusalem. We believe we are conforming to God’s preordained plan as we each lay down our life for the other, that we may merge into one new entity under the lordship of Jesus. We know that, as with everything in the spiritual life, this must be walked out on a day-to-day basis. I believe that this book contains not only the pattern, but also the practical instruction on how to do so. I pray that applying the principles of this book will lead you, whether you are a man or a woman, into 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 11 FOREWORD 11 the wholeness that God wills for you, in covenant relationship with Himself and with His people. Ruth Prince, 1978 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 12 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 13 MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT 1 I s t h e r e a s e c r e t to a s u cc e s s f u l m a r r i ag e? Why do some couples succeed and others fail? Is it all just a matter of chance? One thing is certain: If there is a secret that ensures a successful marriage, millions of couples in our contemporary culture have never found it. In almost every country in Western civilization, the proportion of divorces to marriages has soared dramatically in the last few decades. In the United States, we have reached a situation where there is approximately one divorce for every two marriages. Fifty years ago, a person familiar with American life would never have dreamed that such a situation could arise in so short a period. However, the ratio of divorces to marriages does not tell the whole story. Many marriages 5/30/2017 11:54:06 AM Text_FINAL.indb 14 14 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t that have not yet ended in the final shipwreck of divorce nevertheless find themselves in very troubled and unhappy circumstances. In some cases, there is open strife and disharmony, usually involving all those who live under the one roof, both parents and children. In other cases, although things appear fairly calm on the surface, underneath there are the festering sores of bitterness, unforgiveness, and rebellion. Sooner or later, these are liable to erupt in the form of some mental or emotional breakdown, the cause of which may never be precisely diagnosed. Those who are specifically concerned with mental health have suggested that about one out of every four persons in America today either needs, or will need, some form of psychiatric care. Psychiatric treatment centers are overflowing, and professional psychiatrists are in ever increasing demand. This has a direct bearing on the condition of marriage and the home, because it is generally agreed that the majority of mental and emotional problems can be traced back to tension and disharmony in the home, primarily in marriage relationships. Thus, the progressive deterioration of mental and emotional health is one of many symptoms in contemporary society that point to 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 15 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 15 the most urgent social problem of our day—the breakdown of marriage and the home. The reaction of certain contemporary sociologists to this situation has taken the form of passively accepting the inevitable. Some have even gone so far as to assert that the concept of marriage was a “mistake” in the first place and that it is no longer relevant in I believe that our present “advanced” state of social progress. However, many there is a of the so-called experts who make such pronouncements secret that are themselves the product of unhappy homes; more than can ensure a few also have the record of at least one unsuccessful a successful marriage in their own lives. We marriage. may therefore have grounds to inquire whether their statements to the effect that marriage is irrelevant or outmoded do not merely put them on the level of the fox in Aesop’s fable. He had tried desperately to reach a cluster of luscious grapes, but failed. His final comment was, “They’re probably sour anyway!” In the face of this confused situation and these conflicting opinions, I want to state, clearly and 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 16 16 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t briefly, my own personal conviction. I believe that there is a secret that can ensure a successful marriage. Furthermore, I believe that this secret is revealed in the pages of one unique book— the Bible. Before I proceed to explain what this secret is, it will be appropriate for me to give a little of my own personal background. This could be interpreted as presenting my credentials and qualifications for addressing this subject. P e r s o n a l B ac kg r o u n d I was educated at two of Britain’s most famous educational institutions—Eton College and Cambridge University. Prior to World War II, I pursued a career in philosophy, and in 1940 I was elected to a fellowship (resident professorship) in this field at King’s College, Cambridge. However, the impact of World War II interrupted my academic career. In 1941, while serving as a hospital attendant in the British army, I had a dramatic, life-changing encounter with God—something that was totally out of line with my previous philosophic theories 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 17 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 17 and preconceptions. Out of this encounter, I formed two conclusions that I have never since had reason to change: first, that Jesus Christ is alive; second, that the Bible is a true, relevant, up-to-date book. These two conclusions radically and permanently altered the whole course of my life. When I was in Jerusalem in 1946, I married a Danish lady, Lydia Christensen, who was the “mother” of a small home for girls that she had founded there. Through my marriage to Lydia, in one day I became the adoptive father of eight girls, of whom six were Jewish, one was Arab, and one was English. Also at this time, I studied for two years at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem. Lydia and I and our eight girls continued living in Jerusalem throughout the upheavals that marked the birth of the State of Israel. We thus came face to face, as a family, with the grim realities of siege, famine, and war. Later we moved, still as a family, to Britain. In the years that followed, I served in various capacities in various lands: as a pastor in Britain; as an educator in Kenya; as a Bible teacher and conference speaker in Europe, Canada, the United States, New Zealand, Australia, and other countries. Throughout all my travels, Lydia was 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 18 18 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t always by my side. Sometimes, after we had been ministering together in public, people would make the comment, “The two of you work together as if you were one person.” In Kenya, Lydia and I adopted our ninth child, an African baby girl. We successfully completed the raising of all our nine girls. At the time of this writing, all but our youngest have married and have presented us with many grandchildren. After thirty years, my marriage with Lydia was terminated by her death. Our life together had always been an open book—not only to our children, but also to countless people who, through the years, came to our home for counseling and prayer. Of all those who knew us in this way, I question whether there are any who would not agree that our marriage was happy and successful. Certainly it had its fair share of tensions and problems—more than would be experienced by a “normal” couple who spend their whole life in one familiar setting. But the success of a marriage does not depend upon the absence of tensions and problems; it depends upon a special quality of relationship that needs to be developed between husband and wife. 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 19 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 19 In the pages that follow, it is my intention to share with you the secret of how to build a relationship of this kind. I trust that the brief outline of my life to this point will be sufficient to demonstrate that my convic-tions are not just a set of abstract theories that have...the never been put to the tests of real life. success of Perhaps I should add that at the moment of writing I am about to remarry. Coincidentally, I met my second wife, Ruth, like my first, in Jerusalem. I enter this second marriage with a quiet trust that God will also crown this marriage with His blessing, as Ruth and I meet the conditions that He has revealed in Scripture. a marriage does not depend upon the absence of tensions and problems... M a r r i ag e I s a M ys t e ry In Ephesians 5:22–32, Paul explained the Christian view of marriage. He concluded by saying, “This mystery is great” (v. 32). Thus, he acknowledged 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 20 20 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t that marriage is a mystery. In Paul’s time, the word mystery had a more specific meaning than it does today. Then, it had religious associations. It denoted a form of knowledge that conferred valuable benefits but was restricted to a special group...God who were bound together by pinpointed their religious practices. For a person to have access to this a number knowledge, he first had to be initiated into the group. of specific Thus, Paul’s use of the word mystery to describe areas of the marriage relationship failure... suggests two things: first, that there is a little-known form specifically of knowledge that can make marriage what it ought to in their be; second, that a person can acquire this knowledge only by marriages. undergoing certain tests and meeting certain conditions. It is the main purpose of this book to initiate the reader into these tests and conditions. In the book of Deuteronomy, when the children of Israel were ready to enter into their promised 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 21 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 21 inheritance in the land of Canaan, Moses reviewed for them the kind of lifestyle God had planned for them in their new environment. He promised them, on God’s behalf, that if they would keep God’s law, they would be abundantly blessed in every area of their lives. In particular, Moses told them that their homes would be like “heaven upon…earth” (deuteronomy 11:21 kjv). He painted a beautiful picture of contentment and unbroken harmony. Such was the level of home life God had planned for His people. About twelve hundred years later, through the prophet Malachi, God took stock of Israel’s conduct since they had entered into their inheritance. In general, they had failed to meet God’s conditions and therefore had not enjoyed the level of life He had planned for them. In His assessment, God pinpointed a number of specific areas of failure. One was in the Israelites’ home lives, and specifically in their marriages. Here is what the Lord said concerning this: And this is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 22 22 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t hand. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. (malachi 2:13–14) Obviously, Israel’s failure in this respect was not due to lack of religion. They were “cover[ing] the altar of the LORD with tears.” Yet, for all their prayers, their marriages were failures. We are quite often confronted with a similar situation today. People may be very busy with religious activities and yet be unable to make a success of their marriages. Their religion does not enable them to succeed at home. Indeed, excessive preoccupation with religion outside the home, by one or both parties, is sometimes an important factor in the failure of a marriage. The essence of Israel’s failure is contained in the closing phrase of Malachi 2:14: “though she is…your wife by covenant.” Israel had come to view marriage as a relationship for which they might set their own standards, one that they were free to initiate or terminate on their own terms. God reminded them, however, that He views marriage quite differently. 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 23 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 23 According to His unchanging purpose, marriage is a covenant, which is the secret that alone ensures the success of the marriage relationship. Once this secret is forgotten or ignored, marriage inevitably loses its sanctity. When marriage loses its sanctity,...marriage is it also loses its strength and stability. Much of what we a covenant, see in our contemporary which is the civilization is closely parallel to the condition of Israel in secret that Malachi’s day, and the root cause is the same—a wrong alone ensures view of marriage. the success of J e s u s’ S ta n da r d o f M a r r i ag e the marriage After Malachi, the next and fuller revelation of marriage relationship. comes to us through Jesus. The essence of His teaching on marriage is contained in a conversation He had with some Pharisees: And some Pharisees came to Him, testing Him, and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read, 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 24 24 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? Consequently they are no more two, but When Jesus one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, taught about let no man separate.” They marriage... said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her He never a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said accepted to them, “Because of your hardness of heart, Moses the current permitted you to divorce Jewish your wives; but from the beginning it has not been standard. this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (matthew 19:3–9) In the movie Fiddler on the Roof, the rabbi in 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 25 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 25 the village is depicted periodically teaching his young students about Jewish Law and spiritual things. At one point in the movie, he says that, among other things, if a wife burns the cake she is baking, that’s grounds for divorce. There are many rabbinical laws that deal explicitly with how and when divorce is supposedly acceptable. When Jesus taught about marriage, however, He never accepted the current Jewish standard. He always went back to God’s original intention for marriage. Here, His remarks were prefaced by “from the beginning.” In Hebrew, the book of Genesis is called In the Beginning. So, when Jesus said those words, He was directing His questioners back to the Genesis record of creation, which is the basis of all His teaching on marriage and the first record we have of the joining of man and wife. He didn’t accept the standards prevalent in the Judaism of the day; He always went back to His Father’s original plan, unfolded in the garden of Eden. We may sum up the teaching of Jesus in this passage in four successive statements: 1. The form of marriage that had become accepted in Israel under Judaism was below the level of God’s will. 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 26 26 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t 2. God’s real purpose for marriage was expressed when He originally created man and woman. 3. In the initial union of man and woman, they were so perfectly joined together that they lost their separate identities and became “one flesh.” 4. It is the purpose of Jesus to restore marriage in the lives of His disciples to the original standard revealed at creation. If we consider the account in the first and second chapters of Genesis of the creation and union of Adam and Eve, one fact is emphasized throughout: God Himself was directly and personally involved. It was His decision, not Adam’s, that Adam should have a mate; it was He who formed Eve from Adam; it was He who presented her to Adam; and it was He who established the terms of the covenant relationship in which He united them. Therefore, it is correct to say that, all through the Old Testament, marriage was viewed as a covenant relationship. However, the concept that developed under Judaism was on a lower level than that which had found expression at creation. Under Judaism, the covenant relationship was viewed as 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 27 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 27 being merely horizontal—between a man and a woman. But the covenant relationship established at creation had two dimensions—horizontal and vertical. Horizontally, it related Adam and Eve to each other; but vertically, it related the two of them together to God....the “A Co r d o f T h r e e S t r a n d s” A passage in Ecclesiastes expresses in allegorical terms the difference between these two levels of marriage: covenant relationship established Two are better than one at creation because they have a good had two return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one dimensions— will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls horizontal when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if and vertical. two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 28 28 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart. (ecclesiastes 4:9–12) the “cord of three strands”... a binding together of three persons: a man, a woman, and God. The principle from which Solomon started, “Two are better than one,” agrees with the reason that God gave originally for providing a mate for Adam: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (genesis 2:18). Solomon went on to give three examples that clearly illustrate this principle: when two are together and one falls, the other can help him up; if two lie down together, they keep each other warm; if two are attacked, together they can drive off the attacker. But the last example that Solomon gives is different: “A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.” In this case, the strength is supplied not merely by two together, but by three together. 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 29 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 29 We may use Solomon’s pictures to illustrate the difference we have observed between the concept of marriage under Judaism and the concept of marriage that was initiated by God Himself at creation. Solomon’s first three examples of “two together” illustrate the concept of marriage on the human plane, a horizontal relationship, merely between a man and a woman. But Solomon’s fourth picture—the “cord of three strands”—illustrates marriage as it was conceived at creation, a binding together of three persons: a man, a woman, and God. The relationship between the man and the woman is still on the human plane; but when God is added to the relationship, it introduces a new dimension. He becomes an integral part of the marriage. One of the most revolutionary features of the teaching of Jesus was His standard of marriage. He refused to settle for anything less than the original purpose of God. For this reason, Solomon’s picture of “a cord of three strands” not only illustrates the pattern of marriage established at creation, but it also portrays just as accurately the pattern of marriage for believers today who are united through their faith in Christ. The principle that binds them inseparably together is covenant. What Solomon 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 30 30 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t said of a cord thus formed is still true today; it “is not quickly torn apart.” Some time ago, I was speaking in New Zealand on this picture of Christian marriage as a cord of three strands. At the end of my talk, a man came up and introduced himself. “I am a professional rope maker,” he said. “My business is making ropes. I want to tell you that what you have said is absolutely true in the practical realm. The strongest rope is a threefold rope.” Then he went on to give me the following explanation: The largest number of strands that can all touch one another is three. If you take away one and leave only two, obviously you weaken the rope. But if you add an extra strand and make four, you do not add to the strength of the rope because all the strands no longer touch one another. If you have a rope of three strands, one—or even two—of the strands may be under pressure and start to fray. But as long as the third strand holds, the rope will not break. This rope maker’s explanation made the picture of Christian marriage as a threefold cord so vivid for me that I went on meditating on it for days. In my mind’s eye, I could see the rope under such 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 31 m a r r i ag e i s a co v e n a n t 31 tremendous strain that two of its strands began to fray. But the third strand remained strong and held out until the strain was eased and the two frayed strands could be bound up. That’s exactly how it is, I thought to myself, in a truly Christian marriage! There come times of strain when both husband and wife may begin to weaken and feel unable to hold out. But God Himself is that...covenant third strand, and He holds on until the strain is eased and is one of both husband and wife can be the central healed and restored. In our comparison of themes of Christian marriage to a cord of three strands, we have said that biblical the principle that intertwines the strands and holds them revelation.... together is covenant. Clearly, this makes covenant an essential element of a successful marriage. And yet, although covenant is one of the central themes of biblical revelation, most Christians today don’t truly understand it. Therefore, we will now go on in chapter 2 to 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 32 32 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t examine the nature of covenant as it is revealed in Scripture. Then, in chapter 3, we will explain in practical terms just how covenant works to unite a man and a woman in marriage and to hold them together. In chapter 4, we will talk about how you can discover whom God has for you to marry. In chapters 5 and 6, respectively, we will examine how covenant also serves as the essential binding force in two other vitally important relationships: between God and the individual Christian, and between fellow Christians in their relationship to one another. Finally, in chapter 7, “The Point of Decision,” we will give practical direction to those who feel a need to bring their personal relationship into line with the principles explained in this book. 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 33 THE NATURE OF COVENANT 2 What is there in a covenant that gives marriage a strength and stability not otherwise possible? What is the essence of covenant? The nature of covenant is one of the jealously guarded secrets of Scripture. It is a pearl that God will not cast to the careless. (see matthew 7:6.) It is something holy that God will not unveil to the impure. In Psalm 25:14, David said, “The secret of the LORD is for those who fear Him, and He will make them know His covenant.” The secret of covenant, therefore, must be approached in the reverent fear of God. It is withheld from those who approach with any other attitude. Furthermore, an understanding of covenant requires careful, thorough study of Scripture. It takes time and concentration. In Proverbs 2:4, 5/30/2017 11:54:07 AM Text_FINAL.indb 34 34 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t Solomon stated that those who desire discernment and understanding must “seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures.” This implies strenuous effort. Just as the earth does not yield up her treasures to the superficial observer, so Scripture yields up the true understanding of covenant only to those who are willing to go below the surface and to devote time and study to their search. I say this by way of introduction to the study of covenant that we will now undertake in this chapter. At first, it may seem somewhat hard and laborious. But if we pursue it with patience and diligence, it will ultimately yield up treasures of infinite worth. These will be the subjects of the succeeding chapters. T h e D e f i n i t i o n o f Co v e n a n t There are two basic words in Scripture for covenant. The Greek word used in the New Testament is diatheke. The Hebrew word used in the Old Testament is b’rit (or b’rith). This Hebrew word occurs in the name of the well known Jewish organization, B’nai B’rith, which means, literally, “Sons of Covenant.” Each of these words— diatheke in Greek and b’rit in Hebrew—is regularly 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 35 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 35 translated by two different English words: covenant and testament. The English word used in each case varies according to the context. In English, we do not normally think of covenant and testament as being the same. We limit the word testament to a legal document that, as Scripture...God’s entire points out, comes into force only after the death of the written one who made the testament. (see hebrews 9:16–17 kjv.) revelation On the other hand, we do not to man is usually think of a covenant as being necessarily associated contained with the death of the parties to the covenant. However, in in the form the concepts of Scripture, this distinction between testament of two and covenant is not valid. In Scripture a covenant is a covenants. testament, and a testament is a covenant. We are all aware, of course, that the Bible has come to us in the form of two “testaments”—the Old Testament and the New Testament. However, our understanding is increased if we substitute the 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 36 36 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t word covenant for testament in each case, and speak of the Old Covenant and the New Covenant. It is a fact of tremendous significance that God’s entire written revelation to man is contained in the form of two covenants. Thus, the concept of covenant is central to the whole of divine revelation. If we do not understand the nature of covenant, how far can we hope to understand the real meaning of God’s message One should to us? What, then, is the meaning of the word covenant? It is not entering into easy to give a precise and simple definition. It is suggested that a covenant, the root meaning of the Hebrew word b’rit is “to bind,” but that nor breaking is not certain. It is certain, however, that a covenant is one, lightly. binding. The root meaning of the Greek word diatheke is “to set something out in order.” It suggests, therefore, the setting forth of specific terms and conditions. It has more of a legal association than its Hebrew counterpart b’rit. not take In Scripture, we find two different types of covenant. One is on the horizontal plane, a 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 37 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 37 covenant between two human beings. This more nearly approaches the concept of a con-tract. For instance, in 1 Kings 5:12, we read about Solomon making a covenant with Hiram, the king of Tyre. (The King James Version here translates b’rit with the word “league.”) By this covenant, Solomon and Hiram committed themselves to mutual friendship and established the conditions upon which Hiram would supply Solomon with material and labor for the building of the temple. Although this form of covenant was only on the human level—between two kings—it is interesting to note that later on, when God declared through the prophet Amos that He would bring judgment on the kingdom of Tyre, one reason that He gave was that they “did not remember the covenant of brotherhood” (amos 1:9)—that is, the covenant made between Solomon and Hiram. So we see that, even on the human level, God considers the breaking of a covenant a very serious matter and one that will bring judgment on the guilty party. One should not take entering into a covenant, nor breaking one, lightly. Covenant, interestingly enough, also is evident in the Hebrew name for the United States of 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 38 38 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t America. The Hebrew word translates, “lands of the covenant.” The fact that the United States was built on a covenant, the Constitution, makes it different from most other nations. We have a “more perfect union” because of the covenant, and we must not turn away from that agreement. Were we to stop abiding by our covenant, our nation would certainly begin to disintegrate. Co v e n a n t: T h e B a s i s o f R e l at i o n s h i p The main use of covenant in Scripture, however, is not as a contract between two human beings on the horizontal plane, but as a relationship sovereignly initiated by God Himself, with man, in which the two parties are not on the same level. Essentially, a covenant expresses a relationship that God Himself sovereignly initiates out of His own choice and decision. He defines the terms on which He is prepared to enter into that relationship with man. We need to emphasize that the initiative is wholly with God and the terms are set exclusively by God. Man’s part is simply to respond to God’s offer of a covenant and to accept the relationship that the covenant brings with it. Man does not set the terms, 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 39 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 39 nor does he ever initiate the relationship. You have to be something of a Calvinist, or at least familiar with the concept of predestination, to grasp and understand this aspect of covenant. Historically, the Calvinist stream of Protestantism has always laid special emphasis on covenant. In so doing, they God never have preserved a thread of truth that is very important. I enters into would venture to say that we cannot fully understand our a permanent relationship with God unless we understand the scriptural relationship concept of covenant. apart from a In the last analysis, every permanent relationship of covenant. God with man is based on a covenant. God never enters into a permanent relationship apart from a covenant. In Psalm 50:1–5, the psalmist gave a prophetic preview of the Lord coming in power and glory at the close of this age to gather His people to Himself. In so doing, he clearly defined those whom God will acknowledge as His people. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 40 40 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t The Mighty One, God, the LORD, has spoken, and summoned the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting. [This is a call to the whole earth.] Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God has shone forth. May our God come and not keep silence; fire devours before Him, and it is very tempestuous around Him. [This is a clear prophecy of the coming of the Lord in power, glory, and judgment.] He summons the heavens above, and the earth, to judge His people: [This is the judgment of God’s people, before the judgment seat of Christ—not the judgment of the unbeliever, but the judgment of the believer. Not the judgment of condemnation, but the judgment for reward.] “Gather My godly ones to Me, those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice.” [This verse tells us to whom God’s call is addressed.] (psalm 50:1–5) The Hebrew word here translated “godly ones” is hasid. It is the word that gives us hasidic Judaism— 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 41 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 41 which is the most intense and dedicated form of orthodox Judaism. A hasid is a person whose life is totally wrapped up in God. He is a person who exists only for God. However, the psalmist here defined the “godly ones,” the true hasidim, as “those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice”—more literally, “those who cut My covenant on the basis of a sacrifice.” The Hebrew speaks of “cutting” a covenant, rather than merely making one. It suggests the action of the knife that puts the sacrifice to death. “My” covenant means specifically the covenant that God Himself initiated, the eternal covenant. There is only one basis on which God makes a covenant— the basis of a sacrifice. Without a sacrifice, there can be no covenant. Years ago, about 1944, when I first began to study the Bible in Hebrew, the Holy Spirit prompted me to do something unusual. I armed myself with three colored pencils—blue, green, and red—and I set out to underline three different themes with a special color for each. The themes were: covenant, sacrifice, and the shedding of blood. Blue was for covenant, green for sacrifice, and red for the shedding of blood. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 42 42 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t In that way, I stumbled into a revelation because I discovered that wherever I had the blue, I had the green; and wherever I had the green, I had the red. In other words, wherever there is a covenant, there must be a sacrifice; and wherever there is a sacrifice, there must be the shedding of blood. This agrees with the description of God’s people in Psalm 50:5: “those who cut My covenant on the basis of a sacrifice.” Two things are essential for entering into a permanent relationship with God: a covenant and a sacrifice. Without a covenant, there can be no relationship with God; without a sacrifice, there can be no covenant. Historically, the way that men entered into covenant with God before the new covenant in Jesus Christ was very remarkable, and many people are not familiar with it. Jeremiah describes it well. This was a period in Israel’s history when the nation was backslidden and rebellious in their relationship to God, and they had done something God forbade them to do—they had made slaves out of their fellow Israelites. When God reproved them for this through the prophet Jeremiah, they made a show of repentance and entered into a covenant in which they agreed to release their slaves. But then, 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 43 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 43 to add to their sin, they broke their covenant and took the slaves back. The only part of this incident that concerns us just now is the procedure by which they entered into the covenant. This has a significance that Without a goes far beyond this particular moment in the history of Israel. covenant, It is described in Jeremiah, there where God says, And I will give the men can be no who have transgressed My covenant, who have not relationship fulfilled the words of the with God; covenant which they made before Me, when they cut without a the calf in two and passed between its parts—the sacrifice, officials of Judah, and the officials of Jerusalem, there can be the court officers, and the no covenant. priests, and all the people of the land, who passed between the parts of the calf—and I will give them into the hand of their enemies. (jeremiah 34:18–20) 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 44 44 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t This provides an important addition to our understanding of the process of making a covenant. Not merely did making a covenant require a sacrifice, but the sacrifice also had to be dealt with in a special way. The animal that was killed as the sacrifice was cut into two parts, and the two parts were placed opposite one another with a space in between. Then the people who were making the covenant passed between the two parts of the sacrifice. This was the act by which they entered into the covenant. G o d ’s Co v e n a n t w i t h A b r a m Keeping in mind this procedure for making a covenant, we’ll turn to Genesis 15:7–18, which describes how the Lord entered into a covenant with Abram (his name had not yet become Abraham): And He said to him, “I am the LORD who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess it.” And he said, “O Lord GOD, how may I know that I shall possess it?” So He said to him, “Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.” Then he 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 45 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 45 brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other; but he did not cut the birds. And the birds of prey came down upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away. Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him. And God said to Abram, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, where they will be enslaved and oppressed four hundred years. But I will also judge the nation whom they will serve; and afterward they will come out with many possessions. And as for you, you shall go to your fathers in peace, you shall be buried at a good old age. Then in the fourth generation they shall return here, for the iniquity of the Amorite is not yet complete.” And it came about when the sun had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces. On that day the LORD made a covenant with Abram, saying, “To your descendants I have given this land.” (genesis 15:7–18) 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 46 46 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t The passage opens with the Lord making a promise to Abram that He will give him the land of Canaan for his possession. Abram responded with a question: “How may I know…?” In reply, the Lord proceeded to make a covenant with Abram. In other words, God’s final It is not commitment to do anything is in a covenant. When God has necessarily entered into a covenant, there is no more that He can do to a mark of commit Himself. Covenant represents final, irrevocable immaturity commitment. Once God had made the covenant with or weakness Abram, He no longer spoke to go in the future tense. He did not say, “I will give,” He said, “I through have given.” The covenant has settled it—finally and forever. darkness. The procedure by which the Lord entered into the covenant with Abram corresponds exactly to that described in Jeremiah 34:18–20. Abram had to take the sacrificial animals, kill them, and divide them into two pieces. Then it appears that, in due course, the Lord and Abram passed between the pieces of 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 47 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 47 the sacrifice. By that strange act, the Lord entered into a covenant commitment with Abram. Now let us look at some of the details of this transaction. Every one of them is illuminating. Genesis 15:11 reads: “And the birds of prey came down upon the carcasses, and Abram drove them away.” These words bring back very vivid memories to me. During World War II, while serving with the British forces in Egypt, I lay in the hospital for one full year, sick with a condition that the doctors were not able to heal. In desperation, I turned to the Bible to see what it had to say. Ultimately, after reading the whole Bible through, I came to the conclusion that God had provided healing for me through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross, that it was a part of the covenant God had made with me through Christ. But as I sought to lay hold of this truth, my mind was continually assailed with all sorts of fits of depression, doubt, and darkness. As I lay there, wrestling to appropriate my covenant benefits in Christ and fighting off these moods of depression and doubt, I happened to read this passage in Genesis, chapter 15, and I saw that it was Abram’s job to drive the birds of prey 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 48 48 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t away. God ordained the sacrificial objects, but to keep them intact was Abram’s job. Likewise, I saw that God had provided the sacrifice in Christ for me, but it was my job to keep those satanic birds from preying on the sacrifice and robbing me of my benefits. So I saw there was a period in which I would have to keep driving the birds away. No matter how many times doubt or unbelief or fear would attack me, it was my privilege and my responsibility to keep those sacrificial objects intact. They were not to be desecrated by the satanic birds of prey that wanted to feed on them and take away from my inheritance. Then it says in verse 12 of Genesis, chapter 15, “Now when the sun was going down, a deep sleep fell upon Abram; and behold, terror and great darkness fell upon him.” This was a very profound spiritual experience in which Abram, as a mature, committed believer, went through “terror and great darkness.” Does your theology make room for that? Do you know that some of the greatest saints of God go through periods of spiritual darkness? It is not necessarily a mark of immaturity or weakness to go through darkness. In fact, God cannot trust the immature and weak with that kind of experience. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 49 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 49 He knows just how much each one of us can endure. Abram did not go through the darkness because he was weak or uncommitted, but he went through it because it was part of his total spiritual experience. His darkness was a preview of what his descendants were to If you should suffer in Egypt. As their father, he had to share a measure of ever find their suffering. yourself in In verses 13 through 16, the Lord explained to Abram the furnace, what was going to happen to his descendants in Egypt, remember and how ultimately He would intervene and deliver them and that is where bring them back to the land of Canaan. Then, in verse 17, God refines a new dimension was added to Abram’s experience: “And you and it came about when the sun tests you. had set, that it was very dark, and behold, there appeared a smoking oven and a flaming torch which passed between these pieces.” To the normal darkness of night was added the blackness of smoke belching from an oven. Frequently, in Scripture, an oven or 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 50 50 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t a furnace typifies intense suffering. In Isaiah 48:10, God said to Israel, “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” This applies at times to all of God’s people. If you should ever find yourself in the furnace, remember that is where God refines you and tests you. How you react in...the the furnace will determine your destiny. You are not necessarily sacrifice in the furnace because you symbolized are weak or backslidden or because you have failed God. the death of You are in the furnace because the furnace does things for you each party to that nothing else can do. In Malachi 3:3, God warned the the covenant. sons of Levi, His priests, that He would refine them as gold and silver are refined. Precious metals are never purified without intense heat. In the midst of this overwhelming darkness to which Abram was subjected—a darkness that was both natural and supernatural—there was “a flaming torch which passed between these pieces” (genesis 15:17). What a depth of meaning there is in that! 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 51 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 51 The flaming torch was a manifestation of the Spirit of God, corresponding to the “seven lamps of fire… which are the seven Spirits of God” (revelation 4:5) that John saw before the throne in heaven. It was at this moment—the moment of deepest darkness— that the Lord, in the appearance of the flaming torch, made His commitment to Abram. He passed between the pieces and, in so doing, He entered into the covenant. Let me return again for a moment to my experience in the hospital in Egypt. It was at that time of darkness in my own life that the truth of this incident in Genesis, chapter 15, became so vivid to me. I learned that there are times of utter darkness when the Holy Spirit will illuminate only one thing, the emblems of the sacrifice, because that is all we need to see. The sacrifice is the emblem of the covenant, and the covenant is God’s final, irrevocable commitment. You may pass through a time when you can see nothing but the one fact that Jesus died for you. That is all you need to know. Everything is included in that. Romans 8:32 tells us, “He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” There are times when that is all you can hold on to. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 52 52 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t It is the covenant made in the sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus Christ. That is how the Lord and Abram entered into covenant. As I understand it, each passed in turn between the pieces of the sacrifices. Isn’t it amazing that almighty God would do that with a man? It staggers my mind that, in a certain sense, God would come all the way down from heaven to pass between those pieces of slain animals to make His commitment to Abram. I am overwhelmed to realize that God would go to such lengths to make His personal commitment to a man. Va l i d O n ly T h r o u g h D e at h But why was a sacrifice necessary? Why was that the only way to enter into a covenant? The answer is that the sacrifice symbolized the death of each party to the covenant. As each party walked between the pieces of the slain animal, he was saying, in effect, “That is my death. That animal died as my representative. He died in my place. As I enter into this covenant, I enter by death. Now that I am in covenant, I have no more right to live.” That explains why both Hebrew and Greek make no distinction between covenant and testament. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 53 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 53 The necessity of death to make a covenant valid is emphasized in Hebrews: For where a covenant is, there must of necessity be the death of the one who made it. For a covenant is valid only when men are dead, for it is never in force while the one who made it lives. (hebrews 9:16–17) These words leave no room for misunder standing. The one who enters into a covenant enters into it by death. As long as a person remains alive, he is not in covenant. It is impossible to be in covenant and remain alive. The death of the sacrificed animal is physical, but it symbolizes another form of death for the one who offers the sacrifice and passes through the pieces. The one who does this hereby renounces all right, from that moment, to live for himself. As each party passes through the pieces of the sacrifice, he says, in effect, to the other, “If need be, I will die for you. From now on, your interests take precedence over my own. If I have anything you need but cannot supply, then my supply becomes your supply. I no longer live for myself; I live for you.” 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 54 54 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t In God’s sight, this act of making a covenant is no empty ritual. It is a solemn and sacred commitment. If we trace through history the course of events that resulted from the Lord’s covenant In God’s with Abram, we see that each party had to make good on sight, this the commitment that the covenant represented. act of making a covenant is no empty ritual. It is a solemn and sacred commitment. Some years later, when Abram had become Abraham, God said to him, “I want your son Isaac, your only son. The most precious thing you have is no longer yours, because you and I are in covenant. It is mine.” To his eternal credit, Abraham did not falter. He was willing to offer up even Isaac. Only at the last moment did the Lord intervene directly from heaven and stop him from actually slaying his son. (see genesis 22.) However, that is not the end of the story. God had also committed Himself to Abraham. Two 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 55 t h e n at u r e o f co v e n a n t 55 thousand years later, God, in His turn, fulfilled His part of the covenant. To meet the need of Abraham and his descendants, God offered up His only Son. But this time, there was no last minute reprieve. On the cross, Jesus laid down His life as the full price of redemption for Abraham and all his descendants. That act was the outcome of the commitment that God and Abram had made to each other on that fateful night, two thousand years earlier, when they passed between those pieces of the sacrifice. All that followed from then on in the course of history was determined by their covenant. As a matter of fact, the whole of history is the outworking of God’s covenant, which explains a lot of what is happening in the Middle East. The Jewish people were restored to Israel because God promised it to them four thousand years ago. He gave it to them in covenant, and God is not a covenant breaker. The commitment that is made in a covenant is that solemn, that total, and that irrevocable. 5/30/2017 11:54:08 AM Text_FINAL.indb 56 3 UNION BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN I n t h e f i r s t c h a p t e r, w e s aw t h at m a r r i ag e on the highest plane is “a cord of three strands” (ecclesiastes 4:12)—a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. In chapter 2, we discovered that a covenant requires a sacrifice; otherwise it is not valid. In this chapter, we will apply these principles specifically to a marriage in which believers are united through their faith in Christ. The sacrifice upon which the covenant of Christian marriage is based is the death of Jesus Christ on our behalf. He is the sacrifice through which, by faith, a man and a woman can pass into the relationship of marriage as God Himself ordained that it should be. Just as the Lord and Abram passed between the pieces of the slain animals, so in marriage a man and woman pass 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 57 union between man and woman 57 through the death of Jesus Christ on their behalf into a totally new life and a totally new relationship that would have been impossible without the death of Jesus Christ. The covenant of Christian marriage is made at the foot of the cross. There are three successive phases in the outworking of this relationship. First, a life is laid down. Each lays down his life for the other. The husband looks back at Christ’s death on the cross and says, “That death was my death. When I came through the cross, I died. Now I am no longer living for myself.” The wife likewise looks at the cross and says the same, “That death was my death. When I came through the cross, I died. Now I am no longer living for myself.” Henceforth, each holds nothing back from the other. Everything the husband has is for the wife. Everything the wife has is for the husband. No reservations, nothing held back. It is a merger, not a partnership. Second, out of that death comes a new life. Each now lives out that new life in and through the other. The husband says to the wife, “My life is in you. I am living out my life through you. You are the expression of what I am.” Likewise, the wife 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 58 58 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t says to the husband, “My life is in you. I am living out my life through you. You are the expression of what I am.” Third, the covenant is consummated by physical union. This in turn brings forth fruit, which continues the new life that each Everything has been willing to share with the other. In the whole realm the husband of living creatures, God has ordained this basic principle: has is for Without union, there can be no fruit. Covenant leads to the wife. shared life and fruitfulness; life that is not shared remains Everything sterile and fruitless. This approach to marriage, which sees it in terms of a is for the covenant, is very different from the attitude with which husband. most people today enter into marriage. Basically, the attitude of our contemporary culture is, “What can I get? What is there in this for me?” I believe that any relationship approached with this attitude is doomed to end in failure. The one who approaches marriage as a covenant does not ask, “What can I the wife has 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 59 union between man and woman 59 get?” Rather he asks, “What can I give?” And he goes on to answer his own question: “I give my life. I lay it down for you, and then I find my new life in you.” This applies equally to each party—to the husband and to the wife. To the natural mind, this sounds ridiculous. Yet it is, in fact, the secret of real life, real happiness, and real love. In 1 Samuel 25, Scripture records the story of a woman named Abigail, who became David’s second wife. When he met her, she was living in the hills of Judea with her husband Nabal. Nabal means “fool,” and it wasn’t long before he was dead as a result of his foolishness. David sent messengers to ask her if she’d marry him, and she sent back a message that has always gripped my heart. She said, “Behold, your maidservant is a maid to wash the feet of my lord’s servants” (1 samuel 25:41). How many of you would be able to say something that self-sacrificing? In this new relationship of self-sacrifice, each party has a special contribution to make. It is noteworthy that in every passage of the New Testament that deals with the mutual obligations of husband and wife, the writer always began by explaining the special responsibilities of the wife. This is true whether the writer was Peter (a married 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 60 60 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t man) or Paul (an unmarried man). It would seem that, in some sense, the wife is the pivot upon which the whole relationship turns. Unless she plays her part, there is no way that the husband on his own can make the relationship work. We will begin, therefore, by looking at the wife’s contribution. T h e W i f e’s Co n t r i b u t i o n In Proverbs 31:10–31, Solomon painted one of the most beautiful portraits to be found anywhere in the Bible, that of an “excellent wife.” The King James Version translates this “a virtuous woman.” Neither translation fully expresses the force of the original. What Solomon really had in mind, I believe, is a woman who knows what it is to be a woman—a woman who knows how to make the fullest and richest expression of her womanhood, a woman who succeeds as a woman. He opened his description with a question: “An excellent wife, who can find?” (proverbs 31:10). This would indicate that such a woman is rare. Since I was privileged to share thirty years of my life with a woman who answered to Solomon’s description, I can never read this passage without tears of gratitude coming into my eyes. 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 61 union between man and woman 61 It is outside the scope of this book to examine every detail of the portrait that Solomon painted. But I want to point out one simple fact that is very significant: the beginning, the middle, and the end of the picture all focus on her husband. In other words, the supreme achievement of an excellent What wife is her husband. Everything else she achieves apart from Solomon that is of secondary value. This is how a woman should really had measure her achievement as in mind... is a a wife. She is not living out her own life now. Her life is woman who in her husband. She sees her success in him. She rejoices in knows what his achievements more than in her own. it is to be a Notice, in verse 11, the first statement about this woman... excellent wife: “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” He does not have to go out in the world and make himself a millionaire to prove himself. His wife’s approval is sufficient for him. Many men strive unceasingly for success in business or other 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 62 62 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t fields primarily out of a desire to prove themselves. Usually their root problem is that they never had the assurance of approval in their own homes— first from their parents, and later from their wives. Consequently, they go through life with a driving urge to gain approval and prove themselves. But a man who has the right kind...the of wife need not depend on anyone else for approval. Hers supreme is enough. Everybody else may misunderstand him, and may achievement even betray him, but he knows there is one person on whom of an he can totally rely. That is his wife. To be a wife of this kind excellent is a very high achievement for a woman. wife is her The husband’s trust in this husband. “excellent wife” is based on one simple but vitally important fact: “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (proverbs 31:12). For thirty years, I had that total assurance concerning Lydia. She would never do me evil. She would disagree with me, perhaps admonish me. We might argue or hold different opinions. But I always knew where I stood 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 63 union between man and woman 63 with her. She was 100 percent on my side. Without that, I could never have become what I am today. Let us move on now to verse 23, the central section of this description: “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” Again the focus is on her husband. He is a recognized leader among his people, sitting in the gate, the place of honor and authority. Solomon’s language is so expressive. “Her husband is known…” In other words, he is known as her husband. Without her support, he would not have been able to hold the position of honor. This principle holds true in most cases where we see a successful, confident, respected man. A great part of what we are really seeing is his wife’s success. Then, in verses 28 and 29, the description closes with the focus on her family—first her children, but finally her husband once more: Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” (proverbs 31:28–29) This description of the “excellent wife”—the 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 64 64 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t truly successful woman—begins with, centers in, and concludes with her husband. He is her supreme achievement, beside which every other achievement is secondary. What reward does he, on his part, have to offer her? “He praises her.” How important that is! Husbands, if you have a wife like this, there is no salary Tell her how that is adequate for her. You much you have nothing to pay her with except praise. And you can love her. Take afford to be lavish with that form of payment because the time to do it. more you pay, the more you receive in return. So take time It is a good to praise your wife. Tell her how sweet she is. Tell her how investment. good her food tastes. Tell her how much you enjoy spending time with her. Tell her how pretty she looks. Tell her how you appreciate her wisdom and advice. Tell her how much you love her. Take time to do it. It is a good investment. You will get back many times over everything you put in. For my part, as I have already indicated, I can look back over thirty years of happy and successful 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 65 union between man and woman 65 marriage with Lydia. If I have one major regret, it is that I did not tell her often enough how much I loved her. I did love her, and she knew it. But I did not tell her as often as I should have. If I could live that part of my life again, I would tell her ten times as often. Let us return again for a moment to the wife’s part. How can a wife achieve this kind of success with her husband? I would say that she has two main responsibilities, closely related to each other. The first is to uphold her husband; the second is to encourage him. In 1 Corinthians 11:3, Paul told us that “the man [husband] is the head of the woman [wife].” In the natural body, final responsibility for decision and direction rests with the head. Yet the head cannot hold itself up. It depends upon the rest of the body to do this. Without the support of the rest of the body, primarily the neck, the head alone cannot fulfill its function. This applies to the marriage relationship. As head, the husband has final responsibility for decision and direction. But he cannot fulfill this function on his own. He is dependent upon the body to uphold him. In a sense, the wife’s responsibility 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 66 66 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t may be likened to that of the neck. She is the one closest to her husband, on whose support he must continually rely. If she fails to uphold him, there is no way that he can function as he should. Just as there is no other part of the body that can take the place of the neck in upholding the head, so there is no other person who can give to the husband the support that he needs from his wife. The wife’s second main responsibility is to encourage her husband. A man should be able to look to his wife for encouragement at all times, particularly when he least deserves it. If Lydia had only encouraged me when I deserved it, it would not have been what I needed. I needed encouragement most when I deserved it the least. I needed somebody who had faith in me when no one else did. I didn’t need a sermon. I didn’t need a counselor. I needed someone to trust me. Encouraging is not an easy thing for a wife to do—especially in times of pressure. It is much easier to reproach or criticize. In fact, encouraging is a ministry that must be cultivated. I believe that many times a wife can transform a bad marriage and an unsuccessful husband into a good marriage and a successful husband if she will learn how to encourage. But that always means self-denial. We 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 67 union between man and woman 67 cannot encourage others when we are primarily interested in ourselves. If you and your husband are both feeling miserable, what are you going to do? Tell him how miserable you are, or encourage him? To encourage him requires self-denial. But that...there is is the essence of the marriage covenant. You are no longer no other living for yourself. person who This brings us back to our starting point: covenant can give to commitment. This alone can provide the grace and the husband the power that each party in a marriage needs to make it the support successful. Good advice or a set of rules are not sufficient that he needs by themselves to do this. There are a number of excellent from his books available today that wife. offer counsel and instruction from a Christian viewpoint on how to have a successful marriage. But in the last resort, Christian marriage will not work without the supernatural grace of God; and this grace is received only as husband and wife 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 68 68 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t yield themselves to God and to one another in covenant commitment. T h e H u s b a n d ’s Co n t r i b u t i o n Now we will consider the husband’s contribution to the marriage covenant. A good starting place is provided by the words of...the Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:7: “For a man ought not to have evidence of his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the a huband’s woman is the glory of man.” It is the closing statement that we are concerned with be seen, just now, “the woman [wife] is the glory of man [husband].” This simply takes the same or is made principle that has been applied manifest, in to the wife and applies it to the husband as well. We have his wife. already seen that the wife’s success was manifested in the husband. In other words, the indication that she was a successful wife is demonstrated by the fact that her husband is upheld and encouraged. Now, success can 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 69 union between man and woman 69 in verse seven, Paul is explaining that the reverse is also true—the evidence of a huband’s success can be seen, or is made manifest, in his wife. She is his glory, his greatest achievement. Uniquely and supremely, she is a living demonstration of the quality of her husband. He brings out her radiance, rest and security; she encourarges and upholds. If they are successful in their roles, he is her glory, she is his. A well known evangelist was once asked about a fellow believer, “What kind of a Christian is he?” “I can’t tell you yet,” he replied, “I haven’t met his wife!” That was a wise answer. Personally, I would never form an estimate of a married man until I had come to know his wife, because she is his glory. If she is radiant and restful and secure, her husband has earned my respect. But if, on the other hand, she is frustrated and nervous and insecure, I have to conclude that there is some area of failure in the husband. This relationship of the wife to her husband as his glory is beautifully illustrated by a parable from the heavenly bodies: the relationship of the moon to the sun. The moon is the “glory” of the sun. The moon has no glory of its own. Its only beauty comes from reflecting the radiance of the sun. 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 70 70 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t Some years ago, in the nasa center in Houston, Texas, I had the opportunity to see a fragment of rock from the moon’s surface that had been brought back to earth by the astronauts. For a while, I gazed at it in awe. Finally, I bowed my head in reverent worship of the Creator as I began to understand the perfect wisdom of His design. The moon rock is dull and unattractive in itself. It has no brilliance or radiance of its own. Yet it is the most highly reflective material that man has yet discovered. Why? The reason, of course, is that it was designed by the Creator for one supreme purpose—to reflect the radiance of the sun. This it will continue to do, as long as nothing comes between it and the sun. But if some other body—for example, the earth— comes between the moon and the sun, the result is manifested in the moon. It loses its light. All this is a parable that illustrates a much more wonderful work of the Creator’s genius—the marriage relationship. Within a true covenant marriage, the wife is like the moon. Her greatest glory is found in her God-given purpose of reflecting her husband. When he shines on her, she glows. But if the full, open fellowship between them is broken—if something comes between them—the result is manifested in the wife. She loses her light. 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 71 union between man and woman 71 Those of us who are husbands would do well to check from time to time on our performance in this regard. We should be ready to see our wife’s condition as a reflection of our own. We males are often quick to notice some area of weakness in our wives—even perhaps to be unkind or critical about it. Yet The moon has it may well be that the problem no glory of we see so clearly in our wives is, in reality, the reflection its own. Its of a corresponding problem that has gone unrecognized only beauty in ourselves. What should a husband look comes from for in his wife? What should he accept as evidence that he reflecting is fulfilling his responsibility the radiance toward her? If I had to answer this question in one word, the of the sun. word I would choose would be security. When a married woman is truly secure—emotionally secure, financially secure, socially secure—in most cases that is sufficient evidence that her relationship with her husband is good and that he is fulfilling his obligations toward her. But if a married woman is 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 72 72 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t subject to frequent or continuing insecurity, almost invariably this can be traced to one of two causes: either her husband is not fulfilling his obligation to her, or something has come in between them that prevents the wife from A wife receiving what her husband has to give her. should always know that she has someone to stand What are the main practical ways in which a husband should fulfill his responsibility toward his wife? I would suggest that they can be summed up in two words: to protect and to provide. A husband’s primary between her practical responsibility is to protect his wife. She should and every feel secure. She should know that she has a covering. It is blow... unfair to ask women to take many of the responsibilities that are thrust upon them today. They may prove to be very efficient; they may even outdo men; but they lose their femininity. In most cases, the true, underlying cause is that the husband has abdicated from his responsibility to protect his wife. A wife 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 73 union between man and woman 73 should always know that she has someone to stand between her and every blow, every attack, every pressure. A husband’s second practical responsibility is to provide for his wife. Scripture is very clear about this. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 timothy 5:8). The word “provide” has a wide application. A husband should see that there is no area of need in his wife for which he has not made provision—whether the need be physical, emotional, cultural, or spiritual. However, one major area in which a husband is responsible to provide for his wife is that of finance. Normally, he should accept full responsibility for her financial needs. A man who does not provide in this way when he can will almost inevitably forfeit some measure of authority in his home. It is hard to separate the earning of money from the right to make decisions about the way the money is spent. But the making of such decisions should be a function of headship. We know, of course, that there are exceptions to this. There are husbands who become incapacitated 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 74 74 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t and unable to work. In such cases, the responsibility for financial provision may fall upon the wife. The marriage vow makes allowance for such cases as this; it covers “in sickness” as well as “in health.” However, it is wrong when unfortunate exceptions such as this become the normal rule. Briefly, now, we may sum up the mutual responsibilities of husband and wife in this covenant relationship of marriage. The main responsibilities of the husband are to protect and to provide. The main responsibilities of the wife are to uphold and to encourage. However, the proper fulfillment of these responsibilities can never be achieved by mere unaided human effort or willpower. It takes something more than that; it takes the supernatural, all-sufficient grace of God. This kind of grace comes only as husband and wife together commit themselves to God and to one another in solemn, covenant relationship. It is the act of commitment that releases God’s grace. The outcome of this commitment is a new kind of life and relationship, one that can never be experienced by those who have not first met the conditions. We will go on now to examine the distinctive character of this new life. 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 75 union between man and woman 75 U n i o n L e a d s to K n o w i n g The result of covenant commitment between a man and a woman can be summed up in one word: knowing. A husband and a wife come to know each other in a depth and a degree that is not possible in any other way. The verb to know in the original language of Scripture has a meaning both wider and deeper than its English counterpart. In Genesis 4:1 It is the (kjv), it says, “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, act of and bare Cain.” (The New American Standard Bible says, commitment “The man had relations with that releases his wife Eve.” However, the King James retains the correct, God’s grace. literal meaning of the original Hebrew.) This is the first time that the word know is used in Scripture after the fall. It is also the first recorded occasion that a man and a woman came together in sexual union. However, the writers of the Old Testament were usually very precise and discriminating in the way in which they used the verb to know to describe sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. In most cases, when a man came together with a 5/30/2017 11:54:09 AM Text_FINAL.indb 76 76 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t woman in a covenant union that had the seal of God’s approval, Scripture says that he “knew” her. But where it was an illicit relationship, one that God had not endorsed and did not approve, Scripture usually says that he...it is “lay with” her. The implication is that it is possible for a man possible for to have sexual intercourse with a woman and yet not a man to “know” her. I believe that this is fully borne out in have sexual experience. Indeed, a man may have promiscuous sexual intercourse intercourse with fifty women, and yet never know one with a of them. woman What, then, is the essential difference between merely and yet not “lying with” a woman and “knowing” a woman? The “know” her. answer can be given in one word: commitment. The essence of sexual immorality is that a man and a woman seek physical and emotional satisfaction from each other, but they have not made a permanent commitment to each other. The pleasure that they 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 77 union between man and woman 77 obtain in this way is stolen. They have not paid the due price for it. One of the greatest joys in life is to enter into an intimate relationship where you know another human being and are known yourself. Because it is so precious and so much is at risk, God has built a fence around it, and that fence is covenant. It’s very important to understand this, so I will give you an example. A young man and a young woman are students in a university. If they have sex together, God calls it immorality. But if the same young man and woman commit their lives to one another, go to the altar and say their vows, and then have sex, now God calls the same act holy and blessed. What makes the difference? Covenant. This brings out how much importance God attaches to commitment. Sexual intercourse that is not preceded by permanent, mutual commitment is immorality. Premarital sex is the innocuous title given to it in contemporary society. “Fornication” is the blunt word used in Scripture. On the other hand, sexual union that is preceded by legitimate, mutual commitment is marriage. The difference in God’s attitude toward these two relationships is clearly brought out in Hebrews 13:4: “Let marriage 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 78 78 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” In this context, “fornicators” are to be understood as those who indulge in sexual relationships without covenant commitment. “Adulterers” are those who have made a marriage commitment, but then indulge in sexual relationships that violate their commitment. In both cases, the essence of the sin is a wrong attitude toward covenant commitment. Those who have sexual relations without covenant and commitment don’t even begin to discover the blessing that God has created for them in real Christian marriage. We return to God’s ultimate purpose for marriage: that a man and a woman come to know each other. I suppose that only those who have been privileged to experience it can appreciate the full depth of this truth. Such knowledge between a man and a woman is neither temporary nor static. It is not merely intellectual, as we normally understand knowledge in contemporary terminology, nor is it merely sexual. It is a total, unreserved opening up of each personality to the other. It embraces every area—physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. If the marriage pursues its God-ordained 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 79 union between man and woman 79 course, the mutual knowledge of husband and wife will become fuller and deeper as the years pass. It is my personal conviction that the greatest wonder of all God’s creative achievement is expressed in human personality. Jesus taught that one human soul is worth more than the whole world. (see God’s mark 8:36–37.) I believe this ultimate is a true, objective evaluation. The whole created universe, in purpose for all its grandeur and greatness, is of less intrinsic worth marriage: than one human personality. The marvel of marriage is that a man that, through it, two human personalities are permitted and a woman to know each other in all their uniqueness, permitted come to know to explore the sacred, innermost depths of each each other. other. For the very reason that marriage in this sense is so wondrous and so sacred, God has protected it with His demand for covenant commitment. There are countless facets to the way in which a man and his wife may come to know one another. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 80 80 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t For instance, the very way in which they look at one another is different from the way in which they look at other people, or other people look at them. One of my favorite pastimes is watching a husband and wife when they are not aware that anyone is watching them. What I always look at is their eyes. (Someone has said that the eye Jesus taught is the “window of the soul.”) Give me time to observe the that one looks that a husband and wife exchange between themselves, human soul and I will form a pretty accurate estimate of how successful is worth their marriage is. A wife has a way of looking at her husband that tells him the whole almost everything without her saying anything in words. world. For instance, “It’s time you took care of the kids.” Or, “You shouldn’t have spent so long talking to that other woman.” Or, “If we go home now, we can have an hour together by ourselves.” For this reason, Scripture indicates that a married woman should never permit herself to look at any other person in the way that she looks at her husband. more than 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 81 union between man and woman 81 This is very vividly illustrated by an incident in the life of Abraham. Abraham was a great man of faith, but he had certain very human weaknesses. On two occasions, in order to save his own life, he was prepared to let his wife Sarah be taken into the harem of a Gentile king. He was slow to realize that divine destiny had linked him irrevocably with Sarah and could never be fulfilled through any other woman. Abraham’s weakness in this respect should serve as a warning to husbands in this age. In 1 Peter 3:7, Christian husbands are reminded that their wives are, with them, “fellow heir[s] of the grace of life.” The phrase “fellow heir” indicates a joint inheritance, one that neither party can legally claim apart from the other. There are areas of God’s inheritance for married couples that neither can enter without the other. These areas are reserved solely for couples who can move together in mutual love and harmony. This principle applies as much to Christian husbands today as it did in Abraham’s relationship to Sarah. The second of the two occasions on which Abraham was prepared to part with Sarah was in the court of Abimelech, king of Gerar. (see genesis 20.) Abraham persuaded Sarah to say 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 82 82 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t that she was his sister—which was true, but not the whole truth—and to conceal the fact that she was also his wife. As a result, Abimelech took her into his harem, intending to make her his wife. However, God intervened supernaturally to preserve Sarah. In a dream, He revealed to Abimelech that Sarah was really Abraham’s wife and warned him that if he took her, he would pay for it with his own life. Abimelech, who was apparently a God fearing man, immediately returned Sarah to Abraham and compensated him with substantial gifts for the wrong that he had done. In conclusion, however, Abimelech addressed a word of reproof and warning to Sarah: “And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand pieces of silver: behold, he is to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that are with thee, and with all other: thus she was reproved” (genesis 20:16 kjv). We may sum up the essence of Abimelech’s reproof to Sarah in this way: “When you are married, you may never look at another man in the way that you look at your husband. He is a covering of the eyes to you.” There is a way in which a woman opens up her eyes to her husband that is both scriptural and very sacred. She should never deliberately let any other man look into her 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 83 union between man and woman 83 eyes the way her husband does. Obviously, there is another side to this: just as a married woman has no right to look in this way at a man who is not her husband, so a married man has no right to receive such a look from a woman who is not his wife. To his credit, it would seem that Abimelech recognized this. At any rate, this warning given to Sarah by Abimelech expresses, in a simple but vivid way, the essence of the relationship into which a man and woman enter through the covenant of marriage. Through their covenant commitment to each other, they come to know one another in a way in which neither of them should ever know any other person and no other person should ever know either of them. The purpose of the marriage covenant is to preserve this unique and sacred knowledge between husband and wife and to keep it from being violated by any other relationship. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 84 4 FINDING YOUR MATE There are three choices o f v e ry g r e at importance that usually face young people as they grow up: the choice of a Savior; the choice of a work in life (a career); and the choice of a partner in life (a wife or husband). If we have chosen Christ as our Savior, we should ask Him to guide us in the other two choices; and these other two choices are closely connected with each other because a husband and wife should be partners—workers together—in life. (see genesis 2:18–25.) I m p o rta n c e o f M a r r i ag e God attaches much greater importance to marriage than most Christians do today. Some of us from religious backgrounds have 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 85 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 85 formed the idea that marriage is a sort of fortunate necessity because we are sexual beings and believe that we must be married before engaging in sexual relations. The majority of Christians really don’t have any grasp on how valuable marriage is in the sight of God. Another problem is that younger Christians, partly because they’ve seen so little to impress them in the lives of older Christians who are married, have completely failed to see the tremendous sanctity and importance of marriage. I really don’t blame them. It’s a tragic fact that we have millions of young people growing up today who have never seen a happy marriage. Given the rising divorce rates, it’s evident that couples do not take their wedding vows as seriously as they should. The marriage relationship, which should be the most stable, constant thing in a married person’s life, can now be dissolved almost as quickly as it was formed. We are not giving marriage its fair due. We have not recognized its value and importance. One of the things that awakened me to the value of marriage was the wedding ceremony in which I married my second wife, Ruth. Brother Charles 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 86 86 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t Simpson brought a short but extremely penetrating message as the officiator of the ceremony. He pointed out that human history began with a marriage between Adam and Eve....we have millions of young people growing up today who have never seen a happy As I meditated on what Charles said, it began to grow in my heart and produce a new understanding. I realized that the revelation of Scripture begins with a marriage in Genesis. Jesus performed His first miracle at a marriage. The great climax of human history that God has foreordained is, once again, a marriage— the marriage supper of the Lamb. I was interested recently marriage. to discover that rabbis, in commenting on the Old Testament book Song of Solomon, considered it, in some sense, the holiest book in the Bible. Yet, frankly, it’s a picture of a very passionate love relationship between a man and a woman. I remember also a quotation from The Marechale 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 87 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 87 by James Strahan. In the book, he quoted one of William Booth’s (the man who pioneered the Salvation Army) daughters as saying, “Christ loves us passionately, and He wants to be loved passionately.” I don’t believe we can ever speak of New Testament Christianity in any form without passion. This passion is supposed to be reflected in our marriage relationships. If marriage was important enough to God that He used it to start history, to begin Jesus’ ministry on earth, and to typify His relationship to the church, we should be careful about the person with whom we enter into this covenant. C h o o s i n g “ T h e O n e” I believe the marriage relationship is the most important personal relationship that many of us will have, though not all of us are meant for it. It is meant to be a lasting, true covenant in which both parties think of each other’s welfare before their own. If you know you’re committed to keep this kind of covenant, you should find someone who is equally committed to keeping it and working through any problems you may have together. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 88 88 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t A Christian should always choose a Christian partner. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (amos 3:3 kjv). Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.” (2 corinthians 6:14–16) This is the Word of God, and you can’t change what God’s Word says just so you can do things the way you’d like to do them. The Bible can mean only what it means. You can’t make it say something else. Years ago, Germany was forbidden to rearm as a result of World War I. But, when Hitler came to power, he set to work secretly rearming the nation. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 89 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 89 He established factories, saying they were to build baby carriages, but really they were to build machine guns. There was a man in one of these carriage factories whose wife was pregnant. He wanted a baby carriage, so he persuaded his various friends who worked in different departments to each steal a part so he could assemble them at home. His friends cooperated with him. One day, a few of them met the man walking down the street looking perplexed. “What’s the problem?” they asked. “Well,” he said, “I put it all together twice, but each time it makes a machine gun!” The Bible can mean only what it means. You can’t make it say something else. That’s the Bible. It makes what it was made to make. You can’t make it mean something else. When Jesus laid down the conditions for covenant, that settled it. There’s no other way. God’s plan 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 90 90 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t for marriage is for His people to be equally yoked with believers. Here is a list of questions you can ask yourself about your potential mate to ensure that he or she is a committed Christian. Does he/she love God more than me? Does he/she love God more than self? Does he/she witness with assurance that he/she is born again of the Spirit of God? Does he/she regularly read the Bible and know what it teaches? Does he/she regularly attend a church where the Word of God is preached? Does he/she like to talk about spiritual things? “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (matthew 12:34). Does he/she lead a clean, pure life? Does he/she have a real desire to lead others to the Lord and see them saved? Has he/she received the baptism in the Holy Spirit? 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 91 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 91 If the answer to several of these questions is “no,” then you are not choosing the right partner. If you are a Spirit-filled Christian and you marry someone who is not a real believer—and so cannot share your spiritual experiences—two things are sure to happen: first, you will have much sorrow and pain in your heart; and second, you will not be able to serve the Lord as well as you would have if you had married a true believer. Perhaps you are thinking, “I will marry an unsaved person, and then I will persuade that person to become a Christian.” But that is foolishness! Above all else, a Christian is a person who obeys God. So you are planning to disobey God by marrying an unbeliever in order to persuade that believer to obey God (by becoming a Christian). You will try to persuade that person to obey God when you yourself are disobeying God! How will that ever work? A young lady once took a young man to see her pastor and said, “This is the young man whom I am going to marry.” “Is he a Christian?” asked the pastor. “Not yet,” said the young lady, “but I will help him to become one after we are married.” 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 92 92 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t “Before you make up your mind, I would like you to do something for me,” said the pastor. He pointed to a table in the room and said, “Just climb up onto that table and stand there for a moment.” The young lady did so. “Now,” said the pastor, “give the young man your hand, and try to lift him onto the table beside you.” Then he turned to the young man and said, “Now you try to pull the young lady down to you.” Within a few moments, the young lady was down on the floor beside the young man. “That’s how it will be when you are married,” said the pastor. “You will not be able to pull him up to your level, but he will pull you down to his.” So it is when a Christian marries an unbeliever. It is always easier for the unsaved partner to make the Christian a backslider than for the saved partner to make the unbeliever a Christian. Here are three things to remember when choosing your mate: Remember that marriage doesn’t change a person’s character. If a person had a bad character before marriage, that person will still have a bad character after marriage. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 93 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 93 Remember that marriage is for life. If you buy a bad t-shirt or an ill-fitting dress, it will wear out and you can buy another. But if you marry the wrong man or woman, you cannot change that person. You are now committed to that person as long as you both shall live. Remember that when you have strong feelings about a person or a thing, it is not easy to find out the will of God about that person or thing. Therefore, before your feelings become too strong for you, you should earnestly pray to the Lord, “Savior, choose my partner in life for me. Perform Your will, not mine, in my life.” Remember that marriage doesn’t change a person’s character. T h e I m p o rta n c e o f P u r i t y One of the best things about God’s provision for marriage is that, by insisting on covenant and commitment as the way to marriage, He has provided protection against anyone being exploited or betrayed. 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 94 94 t h e m a r r i ag e co v e n a n t In 1 Thessalonians 5:23, we get the Bible’s revelation of the total human personality. It is contained in a prayer of Paul for the believers he is writing to: when you have strong feelings about a Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. person or a Notice the words there thing, it is “entirely” and “complete.” Paul is talking about the total not easy to human personality and he presents it in three elements. find out the “May your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete.” will of God... So that’s the Bible’s revelation of the total human personality. It consists of three elements: the spirit and the soul, the inner nature; the body, the outward visible nature. Any woman who allows herself to have sexual 5/30/2017 11:54:10 AM Text_FINAL.indb 95 f i n d i n g yo u r m at e 95 relations with a man, without that man first making a covenant commitment, is really prostituting her entire personality, her spirit, soul, and body. I am not just talking in terms of sexual morality; I am saying that, in actual fact, tha

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