Chapter 6 CCRT PDF

CHAPTER 6 CCRT Back to the Question! How the hell did I let myself get into a toxic relationship? Moses records in the book of Exodus, Pharaoh had turned Israel and the Hebrew people into his personal slaves. For 400 years the Hebrew people li...

CHAPTER 6 CCRT Back to the Question! How the hell did I let myself get into a toxic relationship? Moses records in the book of Exodus, Pharaoh had turned Israel and the Hebrew people into his personal slaves. For 400 years the Hebrew people lived in Egypt. Three hundred of those years they lived under the thumb screws of the Pharaohs of Egypt. Ultimately peo- ple of Israel were in bondage of persecution and forced labor. Their relationship with the Egyptians had become toxic! This was the first physical and spiritual Auschwitz inflicted on the Hebrew people. Reality Key: The question to ask is, Did the Hebrew people change or did the Egyptians? Genesis 47:1 Ihen Joseph went in and told Pharaoh, and said, "My father and my brothers and theirflocks and their herds and all they have, have come out ofthe land of Canaan; and be- hold, they are in the land of Goshen." 2 He took jive men from among his brothers and presented them to Pharaoh. 3 Ihen Pharaoh said to his brothers, "What is your occupation?" So, they said 69 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY to Pharaoh, "Your servants are shepherds, both we and ourfathers." 4 They said to Pharaoh, "We have come to sojourn in the land,far there is no pasturefar your servants'flocks,far thefamine is severe in the land ofCanaan. Now, therefore, please let your servants live in the land ofGoshen." 5 Then Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Your father and your brothers have come to you. 6 The land of Egypt is at your disposal,· settle yourfather andyour brothers in the best ofthe land, let them live in the land of Goshen; and ifyou know any capable men among them, then put them in charge of my livestock. " 1. The children of Israel walked into the land of Egypt voluntarily. 2. The children of Israel stayed beyond the end of the 7-year famine and drought. 3. God never intended the children of Israel to live in Egypt. 4. The Egyptians were toxic pagans before the children of Israel traveled there to escape the famine. 5. The children of Israel could have left anytime during Joseph's reign as prime minister. 6. They chose to stay. 7. The children oflsrael's children would be born into a toxic land, people, and environment. Reality Key Question: How do you get into a toxic relationship? You are either born into the household or you voluntarily enter the relationship? Almost 99% of the time you chose the very toxic relationship which devastated your life. Almost all the time against the advice of others. They can see how bad the relationship is for you. You have chosen to blindly rationalize and excuse the initial toxicity. In fact, some of the toxic elements are sensual and exciting for a while. Normal does not like to stay dirty and abnormal perma- nently. Normal likes to play dress up at Halloween for fun but never intended to practice black magic. Like the Egyptians and the modem pagan Muslims, they love to live their lives practicing toxic black magic. The Reality Key Idea: How they became imprisoned in a relationship in and with Egypt: 70  CHAPTER 6 CCRT 8. The children of Israel walked into Egypt voluntarily. 9. The children of Israel stayed in Egypt beyond the end of the 7 years of famine and drought. 10. God never intended the children of Israel to live in Egypt (or speak, think, worship, adopt customs or "walk like an Egyptian''). 11. The Egyptians were toxic pagans before the children of Israel traveled to Egypt to escape the famine in their land. The Egyptians did not change. The toxic influence (co- hesion and socially acceptable reality) of the Egyptians changed the Hebrew people. 12. The children of Israel could have left and gone back home at anytime during Joseph's reign as Prime Minister. 13. The children of Israel chose to stay in Egypt. They traded freedom for security and comfort. Most toxic relationships are a trap. The trap is emotional, "What will the children do without their alcoholic father?" The toxic trap is economic, "She makes all the money and has the insurance; I can't leave. What would I do?" The toxic trap is traditional, "I have lived here all my life. What would people in the church say if I got a divorce?"The trap is Spiritual, "IfI just had more faith maybe the physical abuse would stop." 14. "The next 430 years of Israel's children would be born into a toxic land, with toxic people, in a toxic environment. They would grow up acting and thinking Egyptian. The Egyptians are still practicing the same abusive toxic behavior to this day. Consider the massive infectious human rights violations of the Muslim countries in the 21st centu- ry. This pagan culture was born out of the toxic belief system in Egypt later refined by Babylon. Reality Key Question: How do you get into a toxic relationship? You are either born into the household of toxicity or you voluntarily enter the relationship. 71 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY Fifty percent (50%) of the time, individuals will choose the very type of toxic rela- tionship in which they grew up. The very lifestyle which devastated their childhood is the exact adult relationship they pick later in life. The other (50%) percent of the time, toxic predators and the relationship chooses you. If you are born into a toxic environment, you will attract others who are toxic. A drunk will find the codependent in a crowd just like a toxic abuser will find a victim. Drug ad- dicts will find a supply. Pedophiles will find a child to victimize. Unless the cycle of toxic relationships is broken and completely detoxified, there is no cure. Reality Key: How do you know the relationship is toxic? First Red Flag is you lying to yourself thinking, "They will change or I can fix them." Second, you always choose these relationships against the advice of others. Third, your, friends, family, and even strangers can see how bad the relationship is, but you have chosen to blindly rationalize and excuse the toxicity. The Reality is, many of the toxic elements are sensual and exciting at first. Being a normal, responsible person and having a relationship with a rebel can be exciting and sexy. A normal person, you like being relatively normal. A little toxic goes a long way. It's fun to play in the dirt, but you like to clean up. Permanently toxic, abnormal people like to live in the dirt mixed with manure. Normal people like to play dress up at Halloween for fun, but never intend to become a witch or practice black magic. Toxic predators are professional monsters who come fully equipped to be in a toxic relationship. They play normal to prey on their unsuspecting victim, drawing them into a toxic relationship. Reality Key Idea: A normal person plays with toxicity, like playing dress-up at Halloween, while the toxic predator is a full-time monster, wearing the mask of normalcy. m all have a little deviant in us! Our deviant side is restrained by morality. 72  CHAPTER 6 CCRT Don't blame the Egyptians. 1he Egyptians compelled the sons ofIsrael to labor rigorously; and they made their lives bitter with hard labor in mortar and bricks and at all kinds oflabor in the field, all their labors which they rigorously imposed on them. Exodus 1:13-14 Don't blame the Egyptians because they were toxic before the Hebrews arrived and still are today! Like all toxic relationships, this one met the Israelites' needs. Over time they forgot God and His promises. God gave them a land and never meant for them to live in another land. The Hebrews, over time, became absorbed in the toxic culture and embraced the toxic worship of false gods. Then they intermarried with pagans. All toxic victims assimilate into their toxic environment to survive. The Hebrews con- formed to Egyptian society: complete toxic, long-term bondage. Shakespeare's, Hamlet uttered these last words before he dies, "1he rest is silence." The Hebrew people would be silent before God for 300 years. Then in the fullness of time the eternal God of the universe could hear the Hebrews affliction! "1he LORD said, 'T have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering." (Exodus 3:7 NIV) This is toxic convergence of society; their toxic bondage was complete. The encoding of the toxic bondage was now generational, and by the second generation they were saturated in paganism. The bondage freeing process always begins with God and one man or woman. Before God would do anything to help the Hebrews, Moses had to escape his own personal toxic bondage. He was forced out of Egypt and became a free thinking, unshackled and detox- ified individual. Next, after enough time in a spiritual wilderness and physical desert, Moses would receive his personal emancipation. There is a very long list of God's greatest leaders who had to go into a spiritual wilderness, only to emerge as prophets and kings. The spiritual wilderness is the place where God breaks the shackles of toxic dependence. Consider 73 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY just a few names of those who emerged from the wilderness to do a great work: Noah, Abraham, Moses, Elijah, King David, John the Baptizer, John the Apostle on the isle of Patmos, and Jesus Christ, the Savior and Lord. The Apostle Paul and Barnabas went to Arabia for three years. Paul took the writings of Isaiah, The Law, The Prophets, Daniel, David and Solomon and would emerge from the desert with the books of Hebrews, Ephesians, Romans, Galatians and 10 others, written in his heart, just awaiting his living testimonies and all to be written by his skillful hand. Maybe you are in the very grips of a desert-life experience. God has a plan for you and your life! The details of His plan are not as important as the plan itsel£ The plan is what matters! Your part is just showing up and working the plan. Oftentimes you must walk right through the desert to emerge purged of your toxic overlord's grip. 1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. God is faithful and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way ofescape, so you are able to bear it. Reality Key: I never can comprehend how the snails managed to get into the ark, yet they did; they must have started very early. (Charles Spurgeon) The quest to understand the origin of any problem is the most complex part of coun- seling and psychology. In the 21st century there are abundant techniques utilized for what is called diagnosis. The diagnosis is extremely complex and very subjective. Christ Centered RealityTherapy (CCRT) techniques and guidelines for treatment are simplistic in nature. The formula for diagnosis and treatment is more than an information gathering process. Reality Key: Regardless of the diagnosis, problem, pain, toxic lifestyle and the abnor- mal behavior, the plan for counseling is the same. 74  CHAPTER 6 CCRT The diagnosis is always the same: Toxic Abnormal Reality. In a Toxic relationship, a person is either the victim or the predator. The individual could NOT be both at the same time. The behavior in children who are victimized, learn to be a predator. They victimize younger children, especially their siblings. The counseling plan is always the same, moving from a toxic abnormal reality to normalized reality. In CCRT counseling, the clients' plan for success is constantly reviewed and reevalu- ated. Thus, the intake process continues throughout the counseling process. Intake is part of the ongoing treatment in the form of reassessment of the action plan for success. After reassessment, apply new goals and redirection of behavior. The following are the CCRT guidelines and counseling techniques: Reality Key Guidelines: First an absolutely clear understanding, the toxic problem may not be treated on the same level at which the problem occurs. To have authentic help and hope of healing, the victim must understand the problem really does exist. The problem takes on real shape and form. The evidence is in the toxic patterns affect- ing the victim's personal life events. The problem is always three dimensional. The problem exists in the predator and the victim's mind, body, and spirit. The problem must be treated on all three levels. The problem (abnormal toxic relationships) is experiential in nature. If the problem is left to its own development, the problem will not (or never) self-cure or correct. The reality is the problem will grow and manifest into a variety of symptoms. The problem (abnormal toxic relationships) is clearly identifiable and takes on mass and form, and it affects self and others in an abnormal reality. This stage is like a highly infectious disease. Normal reality is replaced with abnormal reality at this stage. Reality Key: Abnormal reality begins and ends with relationships. Socially acceptable abnormal reality is the by-product of abnormal relationships. 75 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY Reality Key: God has a plan. If you are walking in His plan, you are going in the right direction! Part of God's perfect plan for you is for you to leave the desert-life experience. The desert experience will· Harden or humble your body, mind and soul Spiritually blind you or give spiritual wisdom Weaken you or make you rugged and strong Harden your heart or instill passion, love and hope The desert experience is an acceptable and normal experience for all Christians! The guarantee of the desert experience is, you will change. Reality Key: If you are in the lowest part of life's desert experience, then you are in a good place to be remade into the finished work. God did not "save" you to have you live in a spiritual wilderness. No Christian is called to the life of a spiritual desert dweller. This is exclusively your abnormal toxic choice. Satan and his minions are condemned to toxic desert dwelling. The Lord God said to the serpent, "because you have done this, Cursed are you more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you will go, And dust you will eat All the days ofyour life;"Genesis 3:14 Eating dust sounds very desert-like. Satan is operating in a toxic desert. When I was very young, we had a really dumb and obnoxious, but loveable dog named "Percival Pet."We called him "Purse."He never responded to his name. One day my father yelled what he always yelled at the dog, "Get! Go!" Immediately the dog came running up to him. At this point, I had a Pavlovian epiphany. The dog thought his name was "Get Go"; this is why he was always running in the wrong direction. He would come when he was told to go and go when he was told to come! When God tells you to "Go," you must go in the direction He sends you. Understanding directions is very simple: follow them. 76  CHAPTER 6 CCRT Reality Key Idea: No matter how far or how fast you travel in the wrong direction, you will never reach the right place. If you want to go to San Antonio, Texas, and you get on an airplane to China, you will not land in San Antonio. This is an absolute truth. You cannot travel in the wrong direction and get to the right place! The only way to be successful is to go in the right direction in each and every area of your life. Otherwise, your mind, body and spirit are walking through the toxic desert. How do you know if you are out of God's will? You have a plan! You have a plan to exit God's will. It is never God's will for you to be toxic or to be in a toxic relationship. No individual accidentally slips out of the will of God. No man ever went into a bar accidently and woke up the next morning surprised he is in bed with a woman and a hangover. He does not say, "Wow, how did this happen?"Toxic behavior always has a plan. Christians and non-Christians alike understand good and bad behavior! They may not call it toxic, but they know the behavior is bad! How do you know if you are out of God's will? Simple! Listen to all of the excuses you give for your bad behavior! One ofyour bad behaviors is allowing someone to toxically rape you emotionally. Then you make excuses for the predator's bad behavior! Excuses are the victims' explanations for why they are going in the wrong direction! God directs us to specific people, places, and actions throughout our lives; these peo- ple, places and things will be where God's blessings await us. The toxic people you have allowed into your life are not there for you to fix, nor there by God's design, but by your choice. Let's apply wrong directions to the other parts of life. You cannot spend your way out of debt. You cannot borrow, your way out of debt. The only way to get out of debt is to earn your way out of debt. You cannot yell at your children enough to make them behave; you cannot argue with your spouse and fix your marriage. So, why do you keep doing the same failed things over and over again? At the end of the right direction, blessings are waiting. The only way to be successful is to go in the right direction in each and every area of your life. The question is, "If this 77 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY process is so darn simple, then why can't I make the course corrections to be successful?" Knowing the right direction and crossing the ocean without a compass to guide you is almost impossible. You need help. You need to apply a successful directional change today! It's your journey to success. Why not start today? Reality Key: Remember, all toxic relationships begin with a purely selfish act. The cor- nerstone of all addiction and toxic relationships is selfishness! Nobody places the chains of addiction and toxic relationships on you! YOU and YOU alone put them on and only you can Who has the key? Jesus explains who holds the keys to our shackles. I am He, that, lives, I was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and I have the keys ofhell and ofdeath. Revelation 1:18 (take them off.) It is significant to note there are 2 keys because each person in a toxic relationship is shackled twice. One shackle is hell and the other is death. Jesus said there are 2 keys. The first key is for your individual freedom from hell and the second is for freedom from death. He'll always represent the individual punishment and life experience. Death represents the ultimate demise of the toxic poison. The first step for the Hebrew people was to break free from their toxic bondage in Egypt. The Hebrews were now free from the toxic bondage of the culture of Egypt, but they were still individually toxic and dying. They carried this individual toxicity, gleaned from years of toxic bondage, into the desert with them. The moment they took their eyes from Moses, "God's man'', they returned to the toxic belief system of the Egyptians, rep- resented by the golden cal£ Reality Key: Detoxification is always a two-step process. In Exodus 14:13-16 God tells Moses, ''Do notfear. "Do not fear... God has a great sense of humor. Do not be afraid of fear! Moses and the Hebrews have the entire army of Egypt in full pursuit: swords, men, chariots, and cavalry. The most powerful army on earth is 78  CHAPTER 6 CCRT about to run over the children of Israel and Moses has millions of people following him! He is personally responsible for all of their lives. Families of every description, from the very old and sick to the newborn babies are camped out with their backs to the Red Sea. The people have no escape or place to run and hide. In this life-or-death situation, God tells Moses "Do not fear" and "Stand and see the salvation of the Lord." I love that! I love the whole idea of just watching God do it all and Moses, standing there, not doing any- thing. (All ofyou OCD codependents will hate the idea!) I can imagi.ne what Moses must have been thinking, ''First you give me a stick and tell me to go free millions ofpeople using just that." Next, he must have thought, ''Let me understand my choices, God. You want me to stand here with my stick and not be afraid? Oy vey! In case you ha- ven't noticed, God, either the millions ofdesperate Hebrew people are going to take my stick away and beat me to death with it or I am targeting practicefar Pharaoh's army. Ok, GOD, I will not be afraid. (Ihe Lord truly understands desperate people with desperate situations like yours!) God continues to instruct Moses. He said, "You will remember I (God) will accomplish far you todayfar the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see again forever. And L the Lordyour God, willfight far you while you keep silent. " God was telling Moses to shut your mouth and let me do my thing. Then the Lord said to Moses, why are you crying out to me? Get off of your knees. Tell the sons of Israel to go forward through the Red Sea. Exodus 14:15 Can you see Moses' face? I know God had a great time with Moses. I can just see the Father nudging Jesus and saying, "Listen to what I am going to tell Moses next!" Moses gets off of his knees, opens his eyes, and looks at the sea, then looks up at God, and then looks at the people. Moses tells the people, "OK, everybody calm down (Funny); I got a word from God. God said, 'Tell them (Israel) to go forward."' Can you imagine the look on their faces? Moses must have thought he was like a pastor in a committee meeting with deacons. I understand all of my bad theology, but you cannot remove the reality and stress of the situation. There is a clear understanding of the very human psychological anxiety and drama unfolding. 79 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY For the first time in 430 years, the people were breaking free of the toxic bondage rela- tionship, only to be killed or drowned. Maybe chains were better? It is always easier to tell someone to leave a toxic bondage relationship than it is to do so. As a victim, you have very real fears! God said to go! "Tell them (Israel) to go forward." God also instructed Moses how to lead and how to break the people out of bondage. "(Moses) you lift up your staff and stretch out your hand over the Red Sea, I (God) will divide the sea." Wow, that's going to be a neat trick! I dont think Moses had ever practiced the water dividing thing! Moses has seen his stick do a lot of amazing stuff over the last years. He remembered the snake thing and the plague things, but WOW! Now he is looking at the sea and thinking, "What do I have to lose?" So, Moses holds the stick up over his head. As he is yelling back at the deacons, "I'm going to raise my stick and you guys go; run and lead everyone across the sea! Come on, go, go, go!" God also told Moses, "The sons of Israel would walk through the middle of the sea on dry land." Moses is thinking, "Dry land?" Now, this was going to be another hat-trick with the stick. So, the water parted and God opened up the sea to all of the people of Israel. Not some, not a few chosen, not a few tribes; God opened it up to ALL! God opened the es- cape hatch from toxic bondage and the pursuit of the enemy to ALL: the sun worshippers, the pharaoh worshippers and idols they carried, pagan unbelievers, the uncircumcised, the unclean, the infants and the babies, and to those who were pregnant. Even to the half- breed Egyptian Hebrews! Remember, you come out of the toxic relationship bitten and poisoned by the snake (toxic predator). The Hebrew's who had lived for 430 years in a toxic relationship with the Egyptians are not just victims; they are also predators. The Hebrews' now look, speak and act like toxic Egyptians. They are fully assimilated into a toxic culture and lifestyle. They carry the toxic culture out of bondage with them and into the desert God, in His great mercy, opened the chains of toxic bondage for all to break free from their emotional masters. Everyone got safely to the other side. They were free from the first part of toxic bondage (Hell). The enemy could no longer pursue them! The Army of 80  CHAPTER 6 CCRT Egypt never again chased after the Children of God. Moving from bondage to freedom always requires you to change locations; to put a safe distance between you and your toxic perpetrator and the emotional addiction which comes with it! Now free from their bondage, the Hebrew people had completed the first stage but were still dying from their toxicity. It would take 40 years of a detoxification process and a lot of group work before they were ready to re-enter the Land of Milk and Honey. Reality Key: Detoxification is always a two-stage process. First, the victim must break free mentally, physically and spiritually from their tox- ic predator. Secondly, the victim must go through a process of individually detoxifying their life. This is the place in the victim's life where the spiritual desert resides. 81 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY CCRT CHAPTER 6 Study Guide Questions 1. God is the pinnacle of normality and His word is key to normal reality. Outside of God there is human knowledge. A. What is the difference between human knowledge a1;1d God Knowledge? B. Is all human knowledge all bad? 2. Psychological abuse often occurs in toxic relationships. What does this emotional abuse look like in a family? How many types can you name? 3. Christians and non-Christians alike understand good and bad behavior! They may not call it toxic, but they know the behavior is bad! How do you know if you are out of God's will? 4. According to the text above, "Socially acceptable abnormal reality is the by-product of_ _ _ _ _ _." Explain why? 5. ''A normal person plays with toxicity." Qy.estion: If this is true, what is the difference between a normal person playing with toxic behavior and the toxic predator according to the above text? 6. "Regardless of the diagnosis, problem, pain, toxic lifestyle and the abnormal behavior, the plan for counseling is the same." What is the counseling plan according to the text? 7. Part A: What are some individual red flags of a toxic relationship according to the text? How do you objectively counsel a person? Part B: How do patterns ofother relationships become apparent in the new relationship? 8. There are 5 problems which are the cornerstone idea of Christ Centered Reality 1herapy (CCRT), which represent the Five Reality Centers of Conflict. What are specifically and the ONLY 5 origins of conflicts? 9. Explain bondage in a relationship? What are things keeping an individual from break- ing free? 82  CHAPTER 6 CCRT 10. How do the bondage issues tie into the 5 conflicts and are they the same? 11. Perception and reality are not the same! Explain why they are not the same. 12. The plan is for you to rewrite your list. Go in a new direction, making a list of rela- tionship success each and every day. What one thing could you add to your list today which would change your life forever! 13. How do you get into a toxic relationship? There are 2 ways: what are they? 14. A normal person plays with toxicity, like playing dress-up at Halloween, while the toxic predator is a full-time monster, wearing the mask of normalcy. Why would a normal person stay in a toxic relationship? 15. No matter how far or how fast you travel in the wrong direction, you will never reach the right place. This is an absolute truth. What steps should a person take to change directions and go in the right life direction? First Answer Example: (stop going in the wrong direction!) 83