Adult Child of Dysfunctional Family PDF

Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
Loading...

Document Details

DistinctiveKnowledge

Uploaded by DistinctiveKnowledge

Advanced Training Institute of America

Tags

family dynamics dysfunctional families developmental psychology human behavior

Summary

This document explores the concept of an adult child in dysfunctional families. The analysis focuses on Reuben, a Biblical figure, and explores the impact of family dynamics on his life. Keywords: family dynamics, dysfunctional families, and developmental psychology.

Full Transcript

5HXEHQ:DVDQ$GXOW&KLOGRI'\VIXQFWLRQDO )DPLO\ 5HXEHQ\RXDUHP\ILUVWERUQP\PLJKWWKHILUVWVLJQRIP\VWUHQJWKH[FHOOLQJLQKRQRUH[FHOOLQJLQ SRZHU7XUEXOHQWDVWKHZDWHUV\RXZLOOQRORQJHUH[FHOIRU\RXZHQWXSRQWR\RXUIDWKHUߞVEHGRQWR P\FRXFKDQGGHILO...

5HXEHQ:DVDQ$GXOW&KLOGRI'\VIXQFWLRQDO )DPLO\ 5HXEHQ\RXDUHP\ILUVWERUQP\PLJKWWKHILUVWVLJQRIP\VWUHQJWKH[FHOOLQJLQKRQRUH[FHOOLQJLQ SRZHU7XUEXOHQWDVWKHZDWHUV\RXZLOOQRORQJHUH[FHOIRU\RXZHQWXSRQWR\RXUIDWKHUߞ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ߞVQDUFLVVLVPZDVZRXQGHGDQGVKHIHOWMHDORXV)LQDOO\LQWKH ILUVW QLJKW RI WKH ZHGGLQJ WKDW ZDV VXSSRVHG WR EH ZLWK 5DFKHO /HDK VSHQW WKHILUVWQLJKWZLWKDPDQZKRGLGQߞWHYHQORYHKHU6KHPXVWKDYHKDGPL[HG IHHOLQJV +HU SULGH PXVW KDYH EHHQ EUXLVHG ZKHQ VKH ZDV IRUFHG WR PDUU\ KLPDOWKRXJKKHZDVQRWLQWHUHVWHGLQKHUDWDOO 2QFH PDUULHG KRZHYHU /HDK WULHG WR ZLQ -DFRE V KHDUW DW DOO FRVWV DQG ILQDOO\JRWSUHJQDQWEHIRUH5DFKHO+HUSUHJQDQF\ZDVJRRGQHZVJLYLQJKHU DKHDGVWDUWRQ5DFKHO+RZHYHUZKLOH5HXEHQZDVLQKHUZRPE/HDKZDV QRWORYHGE\KHUKXVEDQG-DFREߡ6KHQDPHGKLP5HXEHQIRUVKHVDLGߝ,WLV EHFDXVHWKH/RUGKDVVHHQP\PLVHU\6XUHO\P\KXVEDQGZLOOORYHPHQRZߞߢ *HQHVLV  )URP D SUHQDWDO SHUVSHFWLYH 5HXEHQ GLG QRW H[SHULHQFH D ߡKROGLQJ HQYLURQPHQWߢZKLOHJURZLQJLQKLVPRWKHU/HDKߞVZRPEEHFDXVHKLVIDWKHU -DFREߞVDWWHQWLRQDQGORYHZHUHQRWH[WHQGHGWR/HDKDQGKLPVHOI5DWKHUKH VXEFRQVFLRXVO\ LQKHULWHG IURP KLV PRWKHU /HDKߞV ZRPE WKH UHVHQWPHQW WKDW VKH ZDV KDUERULQJ 6KH ZKR KDG JURZQ XS ZLWK D VHQVH RI LQIHULRULW\ IHOW EUXLVHGDQGPLVHUDEOHLQKHUXQZDQWHGPDUULDJHDUUDQJHPHQW6RVKHZDLWHG IRU WKH ELUWK RI KHU ILUVW FKLOG WR JDLQ KHU KXVEDQG V DWWHQWLRQ 7KH PRWKHU /HDK VKRXOG KDYH EHHQ WKH REMHFW WKDW FRXOG VDWLVI\ KHU EDE\ߞV QHHGV DQG GHVLUHV %XW WKH LQIDQW 5HXEHQ EHFDPH WKH REMHFW WKDW KDG WR VDWLVI\ KLV PRWKHUߞVQHHGIRUDSSURYDODQGDWWHQWLRQIURPKHUKXVEDQG 5HXEHQ ZDV QRW FRQFHLYHG DV D UHVXOW RI WKH SDVVLRQDWH ORYH EHWZHHQ KLV IDWKHU-DFREDQGKLVPRWKHU/HDK-DFREKDGVH[ZLWK/HDKRXWRIREOLJDWLRQ DQG/HDKKDGVH[ZLWK-DFREZLWKWKHJRDORIZLQQLQJKLVKHDUW2XWRIWKDW UHODWLRQVKLS 5HXEHQ ZDV FRQFHLYHG /HDK ZKR WKRXJKW WKDW JLYLQJ ELUWK WR 5HXEHQZRXOGZLQ-DFREߞVORYH+RZHYHUWKDWZDVQRWWUXH6RVKHZDQWHG WRKDYHDQRWKHUEDE\WRZLQKLVORYH 5HXEHQDVDQDGXOWFKLOG $IWHUJLYLQJELUWKWRKHUILUVWVRQ5HXEHQ/HDKEHFDPHSUHJQDQWDJDLQDQG DJDLQ PRWLYDWHG E\ WKH GHVLUH WR ZLQ KHU KXVEDQGߞV ORYH E\ DQ\ PHDQV QHFHVVDU\ 6KH ZDV QRW PXFK FRQFHUQHG DERXW QXUWXULQJ 5HXEHQ ZHOO HQRXJK6RKLVXSEULQJLQJZDVQRWDߡKROGLQJHQYLURQPHQWߢQRWRQO\GXULQJ SUHJQDQF\ EXW DOVR GXULQJ LQIDQF\ +LV IDWKHU -DFRE DQG PRWKHU /HDK ZHUH QRW ߡJRRG HQRXJK SDUHQWVߢ $V KLV SULPDU\ REMHFW KLV PRWKHU /HDK FRQWLQXHG WR JHW SUHJQDQW KH FRXOG QRW H[SHULHQFH VXIILFLHQW DWWHQWLRQ UHFRJQLWLRQ DQG HPSDWK\ IURP KHU +H JUHZ XS LQ D VWDWH RI  HPRWLRQDO GHSULYDWLRQ %HIRUH KH ZDV D \HDU ROG KLV PRWKHUߞV EUHDVW ZDV WDNHQ DZD\ IURPKLPE\KLV\RXQJHUEURWKHU+HGLGQRWJHWHQRXJKRIWKHߡJRRGREMHFWߢ H[SHULHQFHWKDWFRXOGFRPHIURPEHLQJIHGE\KLVPRWKHU+HZDVQRWDEOHWR H[SHULHQFH DQG SOD\ ZLWK KLV PRWKHU V ߡJRRG EUHDVWVߢ LQ 0HODQLH.OHLQ V WHUP :KHQKHODWHUHQWHUHGWKHEHGURRPRI%LOKDK5DFKHO VPDLGVHUYDQWDQGKLV IDWKHUߞVFRQFXELQHDQGVOHSWZLWKKHULWZDVDQDFWWKDWFDQEHLQWHUSUHWHGDV G\QDPLFDOO\FRQQHFWHGWRKLVH[SHULHQFHRIߡGHSULYHGߢIHHGLQJDQGGHSULYHG PRWKHUH[SHULHQFH6OHHSLQJZLWK%LOKDKDPDLGVHUYDQWRI5DFKHOWKHULYDO RI KLV PRWKHU /HDK ZDV DOVR DQ DFW RI DJJUHVVLRQ OLQNHG WR KLV 2HGLSXV FRPSOH[ WRZDUGV KLV IDWKHU -DFRE ,Q WKH YLHZ RI REMHFW UHODWLRQV WKHRULVW 5RQDOG)DLUEDLUQKLVVOHHSLQJZLWK%LOKDKFRXOGEHLQWHUSUHWHGDVDQDFWRI DQJHUDQGUHWDOLDWLRQWKDWKDGEHHQUHSUHVVHGLQKLVߡDQWLOLELGLQDOHJRߢGXHWR WKHKXUWRIEHLQJUHMHFWHGE\KLVIDWKHUDVDQREMHFWRIORYHDQGDWWHQWLRQ )URP DQ HDUO\ DJH 5HXEHQ ZDV IRUFHG WR IXQFWLRQ LQGHSHQGHQWO\ PDNH KLV RZQGHFLVLRQVDQGYHQWXUHV$PRQJKLVVLEOLQJVZKRZHUHERUQDOPRVWHYHU\ \HDUKHZDVJLYHQWKHV\PEROLFSRVLWLRQRIEHLQJWKHHOGHVW%XWKHGLGQRW UHFHLYHDGHTXDWHORYHDQGDWWHQWLRQIURPKLVSDUHQWV+LVPRWKHU/HDKZKR DOPRVWREVHVVLYHO\JDYHELUWKWRVRQVDOPRVWHYHU\\HDULQRUGHUWRJDLQKHU KXVEDQGߞV DSSURYDO DQG ORYH ZDV XQDEOH WR VHUYH DV DQ REMHFW ZKR FRXOG ORYH 5HXEHQ IUHHO\ DQG KHOS KLP JURZ XS DV D FKLOG +H JUHZ XS H[SHULHQFLQJIHHOLQJVRILQDGHTXDF\UHMHFWLRQORQHOLQHVVVDGQHVVDQJHUDQG GHSUHVVLRQLQKLVREMHFWUHODWLRQVZLWKKLVSDUHQWV %\ WKH WLPH 5HXEHQ ZDV DERXW IRXU RU ILYH \HDUV ROG KH DOUHDG\ KDG WKUHH \RXQJHUVLEOLQJV+HJUHZXSEHLQJWUHDWHGOLNHDELJER\RXWRISURSRUWLRQ WRKLVDJH+HZDVDQDGXOWFKLOGLQDQDOUHDG\G\VIXQFWLRQDOIDPLO\VWUXFWXUH WKDWGLGQRWDOORZKLPWREHDFKLOG+HJUHZXSߡLQWHUQDOL]LQJߢKLVORZVHOI HVWHHP E\ ߡLGHQWLI\LQJߢ ZLWK KLV PRWKHU /HDK ZKR ZDV QRW YHU\ JRRG ORRNLQJDQGKDVSRRUH\HVLJKWZKRDOVRKDGORZVHOIHVWHHP,WZDVXQOLNHO\ WKDW /HDK ZLWK KHU ORZ OHYHOV RI VHOIHVWHHP DQG VHOIGLIIHUHQWLDWLRQ FRXOG KDYHUDLVHG5HXEHQDVDFKLOGZLWKJRRGVHOIHVWHHP ,WZDVOLNHO\WKDW5HXEHQDQDGXOWFKLOGJUHZXSWRSOD\WKHUROHRIKLVIDWKHU -DFRE WR KLV PRWKHU /HDK /HDK ZDV VHHQ E\ 5HXEHQ DV D PRWKHU ZKR KDG ߡKDQߢ 恨,GHHSVHDWHG JUXGJH  6KH PLJKW KDYH IHG KLP ZLWK ߡKDQߢ DQG ߡKDQߢ PLJKW KDYH EHHQ LQWURMHFWHG ZLWK KHU PLOG LQ 5HXEHQߞV SV\FKH (YHQ E\ WKH WLPH 6LPHRQ DQG /HYL ZHUH ERUQ /HDK ZDV VWLOO VWUXJJOLQJ ZLWK WKH LVVXHRIߡKDQߢIRU-DFREDVVKRZQLQWKHIROORZLQJYHUVHߡ%HFDXVHWKH/RUG KHDUGWKDW,DPQRWORYHGKHJDYHPHWKLVRQHWRRߢ *HQHVLV ߡ1RZDW ODVWP\KXVEDQGZLOOEHFRPHDWWDFKHGWRPHEHFDXVH,KDYHERUQHKLPWKUHH VRQVߢ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ߞVEOHVVLQJ 6LPHRQ DQG /HYL DUH EURWKHUVWKHLU VZRUGV DUH ZHDSRQV RI YLROHQFH /HW PH QRW HQWHU WKHLU FRXQFLOOHWPHQRWMRLQWKHLUDVVHPEO\IRUWKH\KDYHNLOOHGLQWKHLUDQJHUDQGKDPVWUXQJR[HQDV WKH\SOHDVHG&XUVHGEHWKHLUDQJHUVRILHUFHDQGWKHLUIXU\VRFUXHO,ZLOOVFDWWHUWKHPLQ-DFRE DQGGLVSHUVHWKHPLQ,VUDHO *HQHVLV  -DFRE SURSKHVLHG WR KLV RWKHU VRQV LQGLYLGXDOO\ EXW WR 6LPHRQ DQG /HYL WRJHWKHU 7KHLU EHKDYLRUV LQ WKH 'LQDK LQFLGHQW VXJJHVWHG WKDW WKHLU UHODWLRQVKLS ZDV RQH RI ߡIXVLRQߢ 7KHUHIRUH 5HXEHQ ZKR ZDV XQDEOH WR FRQILGHQWO\ H[SUHVV KLV RSLQLRQV DQG IHHOLQJV DQG ZKR ZDV ZLWKGUDZQ DQG DYRLGLQJZRXOGKDYHIRXQGLWGLIILFXOWWRDVVHUWKLVSRVLWLRQDVWKHHOGHVWVRQ WR KLV WZR \RXQJHU EURWKHUV 7KH\ ZHUH YHU\ FORVH LQ DJH WR KLP DQG KDG DJJUHVVLYHSHUVRQDOLWLHVDQGZHUHLQV\QFZLWKHDFKRWKHU,WZDVOLNHO\WKDW WKHODFNRIUHVSHFWIRUKLVDXWKRULW\DVWKHHOGHVWEURWKHUIURPKLVWZR\RXQJHU VLEOLQJVQDWXUDOO\OHGWRDODFNRIUHVSHFWIURPKLVRWKHUVLEOLQJV(VSHFLDOO\ DIWHU WKH LQFLGHQW RI VOHHSLQJ ZLWK %LOKDK -DFREߞV FRQFXELQH KH EHFDPH PRUHXQDEOHWRDVVHUWKLVYRLFHDVWKHHOGHVWVRQGXHWRJXLOWDQGVKDPH 5HXEHQZDVRYHUO\UHVSRQVLEOH 5HXEHQZDVDPDQZKRIHOWWKHUHVSRQVLELOLW\RIWKHHOGHVWVRQIURPD\RXQJ DJH+LVUHVSRQVLELOLW\ZDVH[HPSOLILHGLQWKHFDVHRIWKHPDQGUDNHVWKHVDOH RI-RVHSKLQWR(J\SWDQGWKHFDVHRI-RVHSKߞVFDOORI%HQMDPLQ 7KHIDFWWKDWKHZHQWRXWLQWRWKHILHOGDQGIRXQGDVH[XDOO\VWLPXODWLQJSODQW DQG EURXJKW LW EDFN WR KLV PRWKHU /HDK VKRZV WKDW DV D \RXQJ ER\ KH ZDV DZDUHRIKLVPRWKHUߞVIHHOLQJVRIVWLOOQRWUHFHLYLQJWKHDWWHQWLRQRIKLVIDWKHU -DFRE,WZDVOLNHO\WKDWKHFRQVFLRXVO\VRXJKWRXWWKHSODQWLQDQHIIRUWWRGR ZKDWHYHUKHFRXOGWRHDVHKLVPRWKHUߞVSDLQDQGUHVHQWPHQW,QWKHPLGVWRID JURZLQJIDPLO\RI\RXQJHUVLEOLQJVKHPLJKWZLVKWRHDUQKLVPRWKHUߞVSUDLVH DQGDWWHQWLRQE\EULQJLQJKHUWKHSODQW :KHQWKHRWKHUEURWKHUVWULHGWRNLOO-RVHSK5HXEHQLQWHUYHQHGWRVDYHKLP :KHQ 5HXEHQ KHDUG WKLV KH WULHG WR UHVFXH KLP IURP WKHLU KDQGV ߡ/HWߞV QRW WDNH KLV OLIHߢ KH VDLGߡ'RQߞWVKHGDQ\EORRG7KURZKLPLQWRWKLVFLVWHUQKHUHLQWKHGHVHUWEXWGRQߞWOD\DKDQG RQ KLPߢ 5HXEHQ VDLG WKLV WR UHVFXH KLP IURP WKHP DQG WDNH KLP EDFN WR KLV IDWKHU *HQHVLV   +RZHYHU KLV DVVHUWLRQ RI DXWKRULW\ DV WKH HOGHVW VRQ ZDV OLPLWHG E\ WKH LQFLGHQW RI VOHHSLQJ ZLWK %LOKDK 6LQFH KH ZDV XQDEOH WR SURWHFW -RVHSK IRUFHIXOO\KHRIIHUHGDFRPSURPLVHWRKLV\RXQJHUEURWKHUV,WZDVWRWKURZ -RVHSK LQWR D FLVWHUQ ZLWKRXW ZDWHU 5HXEHQߞV VHQVH RI UHVSRQVLELOLW\ DQG VXSHUHJRIXQFWLRQLQJZHUHZHOOVKRZQZKHQKHUHDOL]HGWKDWKLVEURWKHUVKDG VROG -RVHSK WR WKH (J\SWLDQV ZKLOH KH ZDV DZD\ PRPHQWDULO\ ߡ:KHQ 5HXEHQUHWXUQHGWRWKHFLVWHUQDQGVDZWKDW-RVHSKZDVQRWWKHUHKHWRUHKLV FORWKHV+HZHQWEDFNWRKLVEURWKHUVDQGVDLGߝ7KHER\LVQߞWWKHUH:KHUH FDQ,WXUQQRZ"ߞߢ *HQHVLV +HZDVRYHUZKHOPHGZLWKVHOIEODPH WKDWWKHIDWDOWKLQJKDGKDSSHQHGZKLOHKHZDVDZD\7KHSKUDVHߡ:KHUHFDQ ,WXUQQRZ"ߢZHOOGHVFULEHGKLVIHHOLQJRISDQLF+HIHOWLQWHQVHJXLOWWKDWDV WKH HOGHVW VRQ KH IDLOHG WR SURWHFW KLV \RXQJHU EURWKHU -RVHSK ZKRP KLV IDWKHUORYHGVRPXFKWKDWKHIDYRUHGKLP+HOLYHGZLWKDGHHSVHQVHRIVHOI EODPHIRUKLVODFNRIFRXUDJHDQGFRZDUGLFHLQQRWUHYHDOLQJWKHWUXWKRIZKDW KDGUHDOO\KDSSHQHGWR-RVHSKWRKLVIDWKHUZKRߡWRUHKLVFORWKHVDQGSXWRQ VDFNFORWK DQG PRXUQHG IRU KLV VRQ PDQ\ GD\Vߢ *HQHVLV   7KLV LVVXH UHPDLQHGXQUHVROYHGXQWLOKHPHW-RVHSKDJDLQ 5HXEHQ V FRXUDJH DQG DXWKRULW\ DV WKH HOGHVW VRQ FDPH LQ ODWHU LQ KLV OLIH :KHQ-DFREZDVWROGWKDW%HQMDPLQPXVWDFFRPSDQ\KLVEURWKHUVLQRUGHUWR REWDLQIRRGDJDLQKHZDVYHU\DIUDLGDQGYHU\KHVLWDQWWROHWKLPJR+HVWLOO JULHYLQJ WKH ORVV RI -RVHSK ZDV XQZLOOLQJ WR VHQG %HQMDPLQ -RVHSKߞV \RXQJHU EURWKHU DQG 5DFKHOߞV RQO\ VRQ OHIW 5HXEHQ WKHQ EROGO\ VWHSSHG IRUZDUGDQGFRQYLQFHG-DFREߡ

Use Quizgecko on...
Browser
Browser