Personality Development - Pangasinan State University

# **Pangasinan State University** ## **Chapter V: Moral and Spiritual Development** **Overview:** * Understanding the Values of Today * Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development * Beckwith's Stages of Spiritual Growth ## **Understanding the Values of Today** **Learning Objectives:** * Understand...

# **Pangasinan State University** ## **Chapter V: Moral and Spiritual Development** **Overview:** * Understanding the Values of Today * Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development * Beckwith's Stages of Spiritual Growth ## **Understanding the Values of Today** **Learning Objectives:** * Understand the relevance of values in today's modern society. * Describe each stage of moral development and identify what stage the learner is currently in. * Identify the stages of spiritual growth by Beckwith and enumerate personal ways on how to achieve the ultimate stage. > *"Great values are built on strong moral foundations. Men become great when they allow these values to take root within their souls and live by them."* - Lincoln Patz ## **What are Values?** * Values can be briefly defined as what each person finds important in their life - the things they value. * Values can be defined as the principles that guide people's lives and have varying significance. * Values are the basic, most fundamental beliefs a person can have. They help to determine what a person prioritizes. Values are usually fairly stable, yet they don't have strict limits or boundaries. Also, as you move through life, your values may change. For example, when you start your career, success - measured by money and status - might be a top priority. But after you have a family, work-life balance may be what you value more. As your definition of success changes, so do your personal values. This is why keeping in touch with your values is a lifelong exercise. ## **Types of Values** Classifying values has always been a complicated task since there is no hard and fast rule to classify values as they are closely interlinked. Some of the important values are as follows: 1. **Personal Values:** It is personal to an individual both in terms of their possession and their use. It is a desire and cherished by the individual irrespective of his social relationship. These values make a person good for himself. Examples being ambition, cleanliness, discipline etc. 2. **Family Values:** Family as a social institution is based on certain universally defined value system which are nurtured and cultivated within a family system. Mainly, these values come from the lead of the family mostly father who transfer these values to their children, who further impart these values to future generation. 3. **Social Values:** It refers to certain behaviors and beliefs that are shared within specific cultures and social groups. These values are good for the society and form the basis of the relationship of an individual with other people in society. Examples being courtesy, charity, civic duty etc. 4. **Moral Values:** These values constitute attitude and behavior that a society consider essential for co-existence, order and general well-being. It enables an individual in making a distinction between right and wrong and good and bad etc. Example being fairness, justice, human dignity etc. 5. **Ethical Values:** Ethical values are a set of moral principles that apply to a specific group of people, professional field or form of human conduct. These values presuppose moral courage and the power to act according to one’s moral convictions even at the risk of financial, emotional or social security. These relate to our personal behavior with our fellow beings. All moral values are also covered under ethical values. 6. **Spiritual Values:** It refers to the process of reflecting on non-material dimensions of life and acquiring insights into personal experiences. They affect the individual in his relations with himself and concerned with the realization of the ‘Self’ and being one with ‘Divinity’. Examples being truth, beauty, goodness etc. 7. **Cultural Values:** Cultural values are the standards of what is acceptable or unacceptable, important or unimportant, right or wrong in a society. It gives importance to preserve cultural practices, ceremonies, traditions etc. which might be threatened by the materialistic culture of modern times. Examples being hospitality, social order, tolerance etc. 8. **Intrinsic Values:** They are the ends in themselves, not the means for achieving some other end. In the hierarchy human values, these values stand at the highest place and are superior to all other values of life. Examples being goodness, beauty, happiness, bliss etc. 9. **Instrumental Values:** These are such values that are useful in deriving some other benefit through them such as economic gain or an increase in status. A subject is said to have instrumental value when it is pursued, not for its own sake but for some ends beyond itself. Example being education for success in life, political power to do public service etc. 10. **Terminal Values:** These are the goals that a person would like to achieve during his or her lifetime. They signify the final goals and objectives of a life of a person, and they are his/her destination. Therefore, they are also referred to as the end-state of existence. Terminal values are the highest values in a person’s value system. Therefore, they are very important. These values are shared by a group as a whole. 11. **Aesthetic Values:** It seeks to emulate the beauty of the Divine through the arts. Things and activities which gives joys of beauty are aesthetic values. Example being beauty, taste, architecture etc. 12. **Democratic Values:** These values are characterized by the respect for individuality, equal treatment to all, ensuring equal social, political and religious rights to all, impartiality and social justice and respect for the democratic institutions. 13. **Dis-Value:** Values which demoralize and undermine the human growth and development can be termed as dis-value. This includes jealousy, envy, revenge etc. ## **What is the Importance of Values?** Values help to inform your thoughts, actions and beliefs. They help you be authentic and conduct yourself properly in a variety of social settings. They differ from short-term or long-term goals because they're not specific to a single situation. Knowing our values helps us achieve clarity regarding why we do what we do, and accordingly stay on track and live a consistent life. All our actions and decisions are affected by our values. Anthony Robbins, in his book titled *Awaken the Giant Within* states that values guide our decision and, therefore, our destiny. Those who know their values and live by them become the leaders of our society. Knowing our values helps us design our life goals since we know what is most important for us today and on an ongoing basis. Values are as important as competencies to achieve our goals. ## **Benefits of Identifying Your Values** As you enter adulthood, understanding more about your values can help you become more prepared to make decisions for yourself and inspire you to become the person you’d like to be as you begin your career. There are several benefits of identifying your values: * **Values can improve your problem-solving and decision-making skills.** > *Understanding the things you value most has the potential to help you better handle stressful situations that can sometimes impair your ability to solve problems and make decisions. When you’re in a challenging situation, consider how you can use your values to make a choice. It may be tempting to quickly react to a certain situation, but spending a few minutes reflecting on your values instead can help you ensure the choice you make is the most practical and truly matches what you value.* > *For example: if you strongly value selflessness and see a person who needs help, helping that person can help you feel good about yourself because you were able to directly demonstrate your selflessness.* * **Values can help you realize what’s most important.** > *By identifying a few of your most important values, you can better focus on what matters most to you and remove the things in your life that aren’t as meaningful to you or don’t really depict who you are and what you want to become. To identify what these things are, you can pay extra attention to the choices you make every day and take notes of the things that are most important to you. As you begin to understand your values better, you may find that your time becomes more meaningful.* * **Values can help you increase your self-confidence.** > *Self-confidence helps to prepare you to perform your best at job interviews and in the workplace after earning the position. When you understand who you are and what you believe, you can gain more self-confidence because you’re more likely to make the right decisions. Having self-confidence can enhance your ability to solve complex problems, overcome obstacles others may present to you either during an interview or at work. It can also help you communicate with others around you in a more natural way, including peers, colleagues and supervisors.* * **Values can help you enhance your career choices.** > *Over the course of your career, you’re likely to make many choices, all of which may have differing impacts on your personal and professional life. Understanding your values can help you to not only choose the career you truly want but also help you make better choices while at work and make your transition easier if you decide to accept an entirely new role.* > *If you value a high degree of independence, you may decide a career in freelancing or entrepreneurship is best for you. If one of your values is lifelong learning, you might decide to go with a career in academia. Starting your career may also help you recognize your values by allowing you to transition into a position that better reflects those values.* **Key Takeaways:** * Your personal values are a central part of who you are - and who you want to be. * By becoming more aware of these vital factors in your life, you can use them as a guide to make the best choice in any situation. * Some of life’s decisions are really about determining what you value most. When many options seem reasonable, you can rely on your values to point you in the right direction. * Values are different for each person. While one person might value honesty, another might value wealth. You see, values have been defined as ideals or beliefs that a person holds desirable or undesirable. ## **Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development** **Moral Development** refers to the process through which children develop the standards of right and wrong within their society, based on social and cultural norms, and laws. **Lawrence Kohlberg** He is an American psychologist and educator known for his theory of moral development. **Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development** Lawrence Kohlberg formulated a theory asserting that individuals progress through six distinct stages of moral reasoning from infancy to adulthood. He grouped these stages into three broad categories of moral reasoning, *pre-conventional*, *conventional*, and *post-conventional*. Each level is associated with increasingly complex stages of moral development. Kohlberg suggested that people move through these stages in a fixed order and that moral understanding is linked to cognitive development. **Kohlberg’s Levels of Moral Development are as follows:** * **The Preconventional level:** children accept the authority (and moral code) of others. If an action leads to punishment, it must be bad. If it leads to a reward, it must be good. There is also a sense in which decisions concerning what is good are defined in terms of what is good for us. * **The Conventional level:** children believe that social rules and the expectations of others determine what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior. A social system that stresses the responsibilities of relationships and social order is seen as desirable and must, therefore, influence our views of right and wrong. * **The Postconventional level:** here what is right is based on an individual’s understanding of universal ethical principles. What is considered morally acceptable in any given situation is determined by what is the response most in keeping with these principles. ## **Six Stages of Moral Development Expounded:** * **Level 1 - Preconventional Morality (Stages 1 & 2)** > *Preconventional morality is the first level of moral development, lasting until approximately age 8. During this level, children accept the authority (and moral code) of others.* > *Preconventional morality is when people follow rules because they don’t want to get in trouble or they want to get a reward. This level of morality is mostly based on what authority figures like parents or teachers tell you to do rather than what you think is right or wrong.* > *Authority is outside the individual, and children often make moral decisions based on the physical consequences of actions.* > *At the preconventional level, children don’t have a personal code of morality. Instead, moral decisions are shaped by the standards of adults and the consequences of following or breaking their rules.* > *Stage 1. Obedience and Punishment Orientation. The child/individual is good to avoid being punished. If a person is punished, they must have done wrong.* > *Stage 2. Individualism and Exchange. At this stage, children recognize that there is not just one right view handed down by the authorities. Different individuals have different viewpoints.* * **Level 2 - Conventional Morality (Stages 3 & 4)** > *Conventional morality is the second level of moral development (8 years old to early adolescence), characterized by accepting social rules and the expectations of others concerning right and wrong.* > *We internalize the moral standards of valued adult role models at the conventional level (most adolescents and adults)*. > *Authority is internalized but not questioned, and reasoning is based on the group’s norms to which the person belongs.* > *A social system that stresses the responsibilities of relationships and social order is seen as desirable and must influence our view of right and wrong.* > *So, people who follow conventional morality believe that it’s important to follow society’s rules and expectations to maintain order and prevent problems.* > *Stage 3. Good Interpersonal Relationships. The child/individual is good to be seen as being a good person by others. Therefore, answers relate to the approval of others.* > *Stage 4. Law and Order Morality. The child/individual becomes aware of the wider rules of society, so judgments concern obeying the rules to uphold the law and avoid guilt.* * **Level 3 - Postconventional Morality (Stages 5 & 6)** > Postconventional morality is the third level of moral development and is characterized by an individual’s understanding of universal ethical principles. > *Postconventional morality is when people decide based on what they think is right rather than just following the rules. This means that people at this level of morality have their own ethical principles and values and don’t just do what society tells them to do.* > *At this level, people think about what is fair, what is just, and what values are important. What is considered morally acceptable in any given situation is determined by what is the response most in keeping with these principles.* > *They also think about how their choices might affect others and try to make good decisions for everyone, not just themselves.* > *Values are abstract and ill-defined but might include: the preservation of life at all costs and the importance of human dignity.* > *Individual judgment is based on self-chosen principles, and moral reasoning is based on individual rights and justice.* > *According to Kohlberg, this level of moral reasoning is as far as most people get. Only 10-15% are capable of abstract thinking necessary for stage 5 or 6 (post-conventional morality). That is to say, most people take their moral views from those around them, and only a minority think through ethical principles for themselves.* > *Stage 5. Social Contract and Individual Rights. The child/individual becomes aware that while rules/laws might exist for the good of the greatest number, there are times when they will work against the interest of particular individuals.* >*The issues are not always clear-cut. For example, in Heinz’s dilemma, the protection of life is more important than breaking the law against stealing.* > *Stage 6. Universal Principles. People at this stage have developed their own set of moral guidelines, which may or may not fit the law. The principles apply to everyone.* > *E.g., human rights, justice, and equality. The person will be prepared to act to defend these principles even if it means going against the rest of society in the process and having to pay the consequences of disapproval and or imprisonment.* > *Kohlberg doubted few people had reached this stage.* ## **Beckwith’s Stages of Spiritual Growth** **Michael Bernard Beckwith’s Biography** Michael Bernard Beckwith is the founder and spiritual director of Agape International Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, California. He is a featured teacher in the film and book *The Secret*. In the '70s, he began an inward journey into the teachings of East and West, and today he teaches universal truth principles found in the New Thought-Ancient Wisdom tradition of spirituality. Gifted with a vision of a trans-denominational spiritual community, he speaks to a congregation of more than 9,000 people weekly at Agape. Described in *What Is Enlightenment?* magazine as a “nonaligned trans-religious progressive,” Michael shares his powerful conviction of creating the Beloved Community through his participation on international panels with other peacemakers and spiritual leaders, including the Dalai Lama of Tibet, Dr. A.T. Ariyaratne of Sri Lanka and Arun Gandhi. He is co-founder of the Association for Global Thought, an organization dedicated to planetary healing and transformation. Michael is the originator of the Life Visioning Process, which he teaches throughout the country, along with meditation, scientific prayer and the spiritual benefits of selfless service. He facilitates retreats, workshops and seminars. His books include *Spiritual Liberation*, *Inspirations of the Heart*, *40 Day Mind Fast Soul Feast* and *A Manifesto of Peace*. As humans, we are always on a quest to find our true selves or our better selves (many times, when we've hit rock bottom). And often, quests like these lead us down the path of religion or spiritual awakening. Both paths are equally effective and even overlap for those who are spiritually religious. ## **What is Spirituality?** Let's start with the basics. What does spirituality even mean and what happens if you achieve spiritual growth? The definition of spirituality varies widely, and it's a concept that has been around for millennia. Spirituality is the concept of believing in something that is greater than you and finding peace, contentment, grace, and life meaning in that awareness and knowledge. In many ways, this is also a way of defining reality, discovering ourselves as a person, and recognize the power of something bigger than ourselves. It can be practiced in a number of different ways, including meditation, prayer, and chanting. It can also be about connecting with nature and other people, or even finding your place in life. So, spirituality isn't necessarily tied to religion or God— it's more about what you believe deep down in your soul. For some people, spirituality is tied to their religious beliefs, which usually involve following a certain set of rules or principles set out by their faith. But for others, it's more about finding a deeper purpose in life through personal growth and self-love. It's easy to get caught up in the day- to-day grind of life, but spiritual development helps you take a step back and look at the bigger picture: what are you doing with your life? What do you want out of it? How can you make sure that what you're doing aligns with your values—and maybe even helps other people along the way? ## **What is Spiritual Development?** Before going into how to develop spiritually, let's see what it means to be spiritually developed. Spiritual development or spiritual awakening is a practice or the journey of finding that deep connection with the universe (God, a holy spirit, or something bigger than us) and seeking the truth about our life. It is often an ongoing process. Spiritual development is a practice of self-reflection, awareness, and growth. It's about learning to understand your own needs, wants, and desires. It's about recognizing your strengths and weaknesses. It is the process of becoming more self-aware and then learning how to use that knowledge for positive change in yourself and others. It is about understanding different spiritual states and trying to achieve those. Spiritual development can take many forms: it can be as simple as writing down your thoughts at the end of each day or keeping a gratitude journal; it can be as complex as meditating for an hour every morning or going on a silent retreat for a week; it can be as individualized as exploring what spirituality means to you or finding new ways to pray every day. The only thing that matters is that it helps you feel better about yourself and gives you an opportunity to grow! ## **Four Stages of Consciousness and Spiritual Growth** Four stages of consciousness and spiritual growth were developed by Reverend Michael Beckwith in 1984. Decades ago, when no one was even talking about it. The structure that he described is so relevant and simple that suddenly a path seems to emerge for our spiritual journey. Michael Bernard Beckwith is the founder of the Agape Institute in Beverly Hills California. He preaches in the church there and guides people on their spiritual journey. Michael Beckwith led the movement of positivity and spirituality. He was part of the movie, *The Secret* and thereafter, appeared in many shows such as *The Oprah Winfrey Show* and *Larry King Live*. He talked a lot about the spiritual awakening process over the years. He is also a popular teacher at Mindvalley and leads the “Life Visioning” Masterclass. His teaching and ideas on Spirituality resonate with many people and yet are very simple to understand. They can be used as beginners guide for spiritual awakening. * **The Victim:** Things are happening to me. * **The Manifester:** Things are happening by me. * **The Channeler:** Things are happening through me. * **Being Consciousness:** Things are happening as me. These four stages give us the map to consciousness. Through introspection of our lives, we need to map which stage of consciousness are we in right now. As you are doing this exercise, it is important to remember that these stages are all non-linear, which means that we may be in different stages in different areas of our lives. The process of spiritual growth is hardly linear and clear. However, for the sake of clarity, below are the four stages of the spiritual growth process. It is quite helpful if you are beginning your spiritual journey to assess your levels of spirituality. | Stage | Stage 1 | Stage 2 | Stage 3 | Stage 4 | |:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:|:---:| | Life Experience | To me | By me | Through me | As me | | Consciousness Level | Victim Consciousness. Little to no spiritual practice. | Manifestor Consciousness. The practice of affirmations and visualizations. | Channel Consciousness The practice of mediation and visualizations. | Being Consciousness. The practice of meditations and other transformative practices. | | Belief Systems | Life is controlled by external factors. | Uses the law of attraction and feels in control of life. | Lives the life of surrender to the universe. | Loses the sense of ego and lives in oneness with the universe. | | Thought Processes | Why is this happening to me? | I can attract everything I want in my life. | God expresses the divine plan through me. | I am one with God and everyone else. | | Areas of Opportunity | Giving up blaming. | Giving up the sense of control. | Giving up the ego and sense of separation. | Experience limitless awareness. | **Stage One: The Victim Stage (Things are happening to me):** This is the first stage of spiritual awakening and the start of the spiritual rebirth process. As the title suggests, in this stage of our lives, we are playing the role of victim. We believe that situations outside our control are guiding the fate of our lives. We also believe that we have no control over what is happening to us and that we cannot do anything to change our circumstances. For instance, we believe that our heredity, our skin color, or the place we were born drives our lives. If we were not born a certain way, we will not be successful, and we can't do anything about it. In this stage, we are often lost and miserable, unsure about where our life is going and how things are going to turn out. We often feel lost and anxious when we believe we are victims. **Stage Two: The Manifester Stage (Things are happening by me):** This is the next stage on the spiritual path. As we graduate from the being a victim, we enter the stage of the manifester. We start to see the spiritual rebirth symptoms. We begin to believe that we can direct the course of our experiences and that we are not limited by our circumstances. We actively begin to think positively to manifest experiences in our lives. This is the stage that the famous movie *The Secret* describes as well. We start to understand the laws of the universe and begin to use them to change the course of our lives. **Stage Three: The Channeler Stage (Things are happening through me):** In this stage of consciousness, we let go of the idea that we need to make things happen. We understand that we can make them happen, but we realize that there is a larger purpose to the life we’ve been given. We begin to trust the universe and we start the work we were meant to do in our lifetime. We realize that we are not here to just do the things we want to, we are here so things can happen through us. We become the vehicle of consciousness itself. It is the place of ultimate surrender to the universe or God. In this phase, you may also experience some physical symptoms of spiritual awakening like feeling unencumbered and free, lightness in your being, etc. **Stage Four: Being Consciousness Stage (Things happening as me):** This is the last stage of consciousness in the spiritual path. According to Michael Beckwith, there are very few words to describe this state of consciousness and its true nature. Or there are too many words to describe what largely remains indescribable. In this stage, we become aware that we are the universe and that is the representation of our true self. We are eternal beings that are not tied to this lifetime. We realize that we were never really born, and we never truly die, either. We come into coherence with who we are. As we enter this final stage of consciousness, more is demanded of us, and we truly start living as eternal beings. We see less of a separation between ourselves and the outside world and others. We understand that we are all part of the same fabric of the universal consciousness. Our ego takes a back seat as we come to terms with this idea, and we start feeling more connected to everyone and everything around us. **Stage one: ‘TO ME’** The first stage of spiritual development is what Beckwith calls the ‘To Me’ stage. It’s also referred to as the victim stage as it is an early level of awareness where our primary perception is that life is happening ‘to us’. Like a child new to the world, or someone who has not yet claimed full responsibility for his/her life, in the ‘To Me’ stage we experience ourselves at the effect of the people and circumstances of our life. There are times in each of our lives when we feel like we are on the receiving end of challenges, opportunities, relationships, job assignments, etc. and while we may have desires for a different circumstance, at the time it really feels as though ‘life is happening to us’. As with each of the four stages, in order to move from one stage to the next, Beckwith tells us we must be willing to let go of something en route to claiming a new aspect of who we really are. In order to move from the ‘To Me’ stage of our development into stage two, what we must be willing to let go of… is blame. After reacting, resisting and blaming others (or life itself) for our circumstance, eventually we come to a place where we are ready to claim more of a sense of personal responsibility and become more of a generative force in our life. Through choice or necessity, we make a shift and begin to experience ourselves taking matters of our life into our own hands. **Stage two: ‘BY ME’** Even if we are fully justified to blame others for our current situation, there comes a time when we must realize that as long as we are making others responsible for our circumstance, we are giving away our power and limiting our ability to make the necessary changes. As we let go of the need to blame anyone (including ourselves!) for where we are, we open ourselves to shift into our next stage of development, becoming active manifestos of the path we truly want/need to be on. During stage two, the ‘By Me’ phase of our journey, we may initially feel stretched or challenged by our circumstance, but this challenge is often what is needed for us to dig deeper and become a causative agent in our experience. This is the stage of the journey where we get to discover that we are far more capable than we realized. We are not victims of circumstance but rather creators of it. The ‘By Me’ stage of development is often a building (or rebuilding) phase, where our actions must be grounded, real, focused and self-driven. Breakthroughs in this arena often require focused determination (and sometimes sweat!) and they leave us with the sense of personal accomplishment, “I did it! I can do it!”. In the stage of ‘By Me’, we move past victim-hood and begin to emerge with a sense of personal ownership of the life we create, earn, cause and achieve. This is a powerful step on the path. **Stage three: ‘THROUGH ME’** When we have worked hard at developing skills in any activity or endeavor (from music to sports to mathematics), there is a moment when we cross over from pure focused effort to a feeling of grace and flow with what we are doing. We may have been building skills and trying the same thing over and over for quite some time, when suddenly, we go from playing the music to feeling as though the music is actually playing through us. We go from being the surfer using our skills to surf the wave, to feeling the energy of the ocean guiding our flow upon it. From being the writer of the story, to feeling as though the creative essence of the story itself is expressing through our pen onto the page. When we enter ‘Through Me’ consciousness we go from a sense of personal significance grounded in our own achievements, to feeling a sense of humility about being part of something greater than ourselves. In order to move from the ‘By Me’ stage into stage three, what we must be willing to let go of is our need for control. As we let go of having to be the soul generator and controller of each outcome, we open ourselves up to discover a new sense of trust and connectedness to the bigger story/currents/song ready to flow through us. Sometimes the experience of ‘Through Me’ comes as a graceful extension of personal exertion, and sometimes it arrives more abruptly as we reach the limit of our own personal skills or abilities and have no choice but to surrender, opening ourselves up to be conduits or instruments of the higher energetic forces within. **Stage four: ‘AS ME’** When we let go of blame and move from our perception of life as something that happens ‘To Me’, we begin to discover our true power in life happens ‘By Me’. When we let go of the need to control, we move from our experience of life happening ‘By Me’, to discovering our connection to the greater powers of life moving ‘Through Me’. As we allow our individual expression to merge completely with the energy we are experiencing or creating in the world, we realize we are actually part of the infinite creative force of the universe, which is expressing and experiencing itself individualized ‘As Me’. I am God/spirit/universe/nature/consciousness. As we travel through the third stage of our development and experience a sense of the greater flow moving ‘Through Me’ consistently in life or endeavor, we begin to reach this fourth leaping-off point and the simple but profound realization that whatever is moving ‘Through Me’ is also inside of me. That this greater energetic force and I are actually made of the same source material. Like a ray of the sun or a wave in the ocean, I am actually an individualized expression of this greater force, which is now moving, breathing and acting in the world ‘As Me’. > *A picture must possess a real power to generate light, and for a long time now I’ve been conscious of expressing myself through light, or rather in light. – Henri Matisse*. To move beyond the experience of life occurring ‘Through Me’ and into the ‘As Me’ stage of spiritual development, what we must be willing to let go of is our sense of separation. As we do this (or rather ‘be’ this), we open ourselves to discover the experience of genuine unity of oneness in life and endeavor. We release our perception of the infinite nature of the universe as a causative energy that exists outside of us, and we open ourselves to experience this infinite nature in and ‘as’ our very being. The music, the ocean, the story is not only moving ‘Through Me’… they are the living expression of who I am. This is flow in its greatest sense and many would say it is our ultimate reason for being here. Through our actions, experiences, relationships and being, to remember and experience ourselves as unique expressions of the absolute. We each have experiences of these stages of development at different times in different areas of our life. Whether or not we arrive at a permanent state of ‘As Me’ in every aspect of our existence, it is powerful to consider what shifts we can make within ourselves to support our steps along the path. **STAGE ONE: ‘TO ME’** Life is a series of events, relationships and circumstances that happen to me. In order to move to beyond stage one, I must be willing to let go of: blame. In doing so, I claim/discover: responsibility and personal empowerment. **STAGE TWO: ‘BY ME’** I move into my role as a manifestor, claiming my ability to create and influence my circumstance in life. In order to move beyond stage two, I must be willing to let go of: control. In doing so, I discover: trust and connection with energetic forces beyond my individual self. **STAGE THREE: ‘THROUGH ME’** I am an instrument and conduit for Life to move and express through me. In order to move beyond stage three, I must be willing to let go of: separation. In doing so, I discover: oneness. **STAGE FOUR: ‘AS ME’** I and the infinite forces of the universe are ONE. I am God/spirit/life, being me. At once unique and intrinsically part of the greater whole. I am one with all of life. **Five Reasons to Develop and Grow Your Spirituality** > *"The spiritual quest is not some added benefit to our life, something you embark on if you have the time and inclination. We are spiritual beings on an earthly journey. Our spirituality makes up our beingness."* –John Bradshaw We each have experiences of these stages of development at different times in different areas of our life. Whether or not we arrive at a permanent state of ‘As Me’ in every aspect of our existence, it is powerful to consider what shifts we can make within ourselves to support our steps along the path. **1. Hopefulness** If there is one thing that spirituality can add to our life it is a sense of hope and optimism. Spirituality strengthens our outlook for a better future. We will always encounter challenges in life, but if we stay hopeful during these trying times we will persevere. Spiritual growth enhances our ability to deal with life’s ups and downs and bounce back from those difficult experiences. **2. Compassion and Understanding** It is easy to look at others with judgment and criticism, but when we start to grow spiritually we realize how much healthier it is to cultivate compassion and understanding for others instead. It is not only provides us the wherewithal to serve and help others but also improves our personal well-being. When look at life through a compassionate lens we can grow a sense of connection to others and begin to recognize the positive impact we can have. **3. Sense of purpose and meaning** A feeling that our life is worthwhile and that we aren’t just here by some random mistake can make a major difference in the trajectory of our life. We are alive for a reason and are meant to contribute something to the world. According to an editorial in the International Journal of Childrens Spirituality, *"In a modern world that is consumed with materialism, which moves at a frantic pace, and which is frayed by cultural, racial and religious divisiveness, the yearning of the human spirit to connect and find meaning is sometimes overlooked."* Without a sense of spirituality we can lose sight of what is really most important and meaningful. **4. Inspiration and appreciation** Life is full of inspiration when we are looking for it. There is also much to be grateful for despite the struggles and challenges we face. Through spiritual growth we can learn to see the beauty and wonder in our day to day life. The things we often take from granted can start to offer us greater inspiration and joy. **5. Peace of mind** Part of spirituality is connecting to a higher power. Whatever name or label we give to this spiritual source is irrelevant in my opinion. The important thing is the sense that there is something greater than ourselves, and that we don’t have to carry the entire burden alone. When we learn how to “let go” of the emotional baggage we carry it really adds to peace of mind. ## **Chapter 6: Social Graces and Etiquettes** **TABLE OF CONTENTS** * Creating a good first impression * Manners and Etiquettes * Types of Etiquettes * Social Etiquettes * Professional/Business Etiquette * Communication Etiquette * Meal Etiquette * Digital Etiquette * Hygiene, Grooming, and Proper Dressing ### **Creating a Good First Impression** **What is first impression?** First impressions are the almost-instant conclusions we draw when meeting someone for the first time. We form this opinion by quickly taking in information about a person, including their face, dress, posture, and tone of voice. **Creating a Good First Impression** * **Be on time** * Plan to arrive a few minutes early, and allow flexibility for possible delays in traffic or taking a wrong turn. Arriving early is much better that arriving late * **Dress Appropriately** * Make sure that your clothing is appropriate for the situation.