Self in Relationships Slides PDF

2/15/2024 Self in Relationships and Groups PSYCH OF IDENTITY This week… Levels of Self Relationships Groups ◦ Placing the self in a group context ◦ Collective Identities 1 2/15/2024 The 20 Statements Task 1) I am ___________________. 2) I am ___________________. 3) I am ___________________. 4) I am...

2/15/2024 Self in Relationships and Groups PSYCH OF IDENTITY This week… Levels of Self Relationships Groups ◦ Placing the self in a group context ◦ Collective Identities 1 2/15/2024 The 20 Statements Task 1) I am ___________________. 2) I am ___________________. 3) I am ___________________. 4) I am ___________________. 5) I am ___________________. 6) I am ___________________. 7) I am ___________________. ……. Up to 20. Levels of Self Individual Level: Personal Self ◦ Traits ◦ Strong, Smart, Athletic, etc. Interpersonal Level: Relational Self ◦ Roles and relationships with significant others ◦ Daughter, Friend, Husband, etc. Group Level: Collective Self ◦ Social Identities/ Group Memberships ◦ UConn students, Racial group, etc. “Social self” includes both relational and collective levels of self There are similarities across social selves (ex- Basking in Reflected Glory), but also differences 2 2/15/2024 Levels of Self Implications for Self-Processes 1) How does being outperformed by a friend or ingroup member impact selfesteem? Levels of Self Implications for Self-Processes 2) Whose standards does one use in self-evaluation? 3 2/15/2024 Relationships! Our selves and early experiences influence the way we approach relationships ◦ Attachment theory Mary Ainsworth: Strange Situation 4 2/15/2024 Attachment Patterns Secure ◦ Positive model of self and others ◦ Upset when parent leaves but can be comforted Avoidant ◦ Positive model of self, Negative model of other ◦ Reluctant to depend on and trust others ◦ Don’t act distressed when parent leaves and ignore them on return ◦ But, they have an elevated heartrate Anxious ◦ Negative model of self, Positive model of others ◦ Expect rejection and abandonment ◦ Inconsolable when parent leaves and continued distress when they return Attachment Patterns Early experiences can result in lifelong patterns ◦ Age 2: difficult task ◦ Age 21: romantic relationship commitment ◦ People who had unsupportive parents as toddlers have more trouble with commitment in their relationships as adults 5 2/15/2024 Adult Attachment Secure: “I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.” Avoidant: “I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; I find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.” Anxious: “I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or won't want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.” Attachment Patterns Update: 2 separate dimensions Anxiety: Model of Self Avoidance: Model of Others 6 2/15/2024 Relationships Our selves and early experiences influence the way we approach relationships ◦ Attachment theory Our relationships influence the way we think about ourselves ◦ Self-Expansion ◦ Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) ◦ Cognitive Interdependence Expanding the Self Self-Expansion One way we do this is by taking on attributes of close relationship partners Longitudinal study of Self-Concept Change ◦ Participants with a “high expected incidence of falling in love” ◦ After falling in love, greater change and diversity in self-concept domains ◦ Also greater self-efficacy and self-esteem So, our selves seem to get bigger when we’re in love 7 2/15/2024 Expanding the Self Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) ◦ Encouraged by the sharing of ‘expanding’ (novel and arousing) activities ◦ Not by just pleasant experiences ◦ Desire for closeness is key ◦ Anticipatory overlap– Can develop IOS even without shared experiences, to the extent that you want to be close to someone Expanding the Self Cognitive Interdependence In a committed relationship, ◦ Increased spontaneous use of plural pronouns ◦ Perceived unity of self and partner ◦ Increased relationship centrality in self-concept Some argue this specific measure may be unique to romantic relationships Thoughts? IOS is NOT specific to a certain type of relationship 8 2/15/2024 Expanding the Self Caveats Moderation by attachment style ◦ People high in attachment anxiety show more self-change in relationships Expanding the Self Caveats Moderation by attachment style ◦ People high in attachment anxiety show more self-change in relationships Moderation by self-concept clarity ◦ Low self-concept clarity predicts lower interest in self-expansion ◦ And less actual self-expansion Self-expansion can also happen outside of relationships ◦ Novel, exciting task manipulation in the lab (carrying objects; interesting facts) ◦ After exciting new experiences, participants report self-expansion ◦ Show increased effort on next task 9 2/15/2024 Relationships Our selves and early experiences influence the way we approach relationships ◦ Attachment theory Our relationships influence the way we think about ourselves ◦ Self-Expansion ◦ Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) ◦ Cognitive Interdependence Our relationships can help us become the people we want to be ◦ Rising standards for romantic relationships (marriage) ◦ Michaelangelo phenomenon Romantic Relationships The “All or Nothing” Marriage 10 2/15/2024 Michelangelo Phenomenon Michelangelo Phenomenon ◦ We want to become our ideal selves ◦ Partners can help (or hinder) this process NOT Pygmalion Phenomenon ◦ In which a partner attempts to sculpt you into their ideal, rather than your ideal Michelangelo Phenomenon Can you recognize an adaptation of your own that brought you closer to your ideal self (and became a stable component of yourself) that developed from a relationship/partner? What types of things that a partner did were most helpful for you? Conversely, when could this go wrong? Have there been times it’s gone astray? 11 2/15/2024 Michelangelo Phenomenon How might dynamics of the Michelangelo phenomenon differ cross-culturally? Michelangelo Phenomenon How do partners do this? Perceptual Affirmation ◦ Partner ‘sees’ you in a way compatible with your ideal self “My partner sees me as the person I would ideally like to be” “My partner regards me as the sort of person I would most like to become” “My partner thinks I have the traits and dispositions I believe are most desirable” Behavioral Affirmation ◦ Partner behaves in ways that encourage aspects of your ideal self “My partner treats me in a way that is close to the person I would ideally like to be” “My partner helps me become what I ideally want to be– he/she elicits the best in me” “My partner behaves as though I possess the traits that I believe are most desirable” These are positively related to each other 12 2/15/2024 Michelangelo Phenomenon Does this work? Yes! Helps achieve ideal self goals ◦ Progress as a result of partner affirmation Individual benefits ◦ Greater life satisfaction ◦ Overall psychological health Relationship Benefits ◦ Increased relationship quality ◦ Increased commitment Michelangelo Phenomenon 13 2/15/2024 Enhancement and Verification How do we want to be viewed by our partners? Our preferences change by circumstance ◦ Dating  Want Enhancement ◦ Married  Want Verification ◦ Positive global evaluations ◦ Verifying specific abilities Relationships Our selves and early experiences influence the way we approach relationships ◦ Attachment theory Our relationships influence the way we think about ourselves ◦ Self-Expansion ◦ Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) ◦ Cognitive Interdependence Our relationships can help us become the people we want to be ◦ Rising standards for romantic relationships (marriage) ◦ Michaelangelo phenomenon Ending relationships can also affect our sense of self ◦ Changes after breakup 14 2/15/2024 Ending a Relationship Most of this work has been done re: romantic breakups After a relationship ends… Your self-concept content changes ◦ Content both changes and shrinks ◦ Fewer self-descriptors used in a diary study The way we experience our self-concept also changes ◦ Reduced self-concept clarity after breakups (i.e. feel confusion about who you are) ◦ This predicts emotional distress ◦ Particularly likely after relationships with high cognitive interdependence Ending a Relationship But it’s not all bad! Ending a relationship is also an opportunity for personal growth ◦ Ending relationships with limited opportunities for self-expansion allows for pursuing growth again Can allowed personal (re)discovery ◦ Particularly if some self-aspects were not being actively developed in a relationship ◦ And/or in response to confusion introduced by relationship’s end ◦ This can actually lead to positive emotions Can also be a learning experience, adding skills for future relationships 15 2/15/2024 Relationships Our selves and early experiences influence the way we approach relationships ◦ Attachment theory Our relationships influence the way we think about ourselves ◦ Self-Expansion ◦ Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) ◦ Cognitive Interdependence Our relationships can help us become the people we want to be ◦ Rising standards for romantic relationships (marriage) ◦ Michaelangelo phenomenon Ending relationships can also affect our sense of self ◦ Clarity after breakup We can organize our self-concepts into ‘Relational Selves’ Relational Selves Entangled Self or Relational Selves ◦ Self knowledge is linked with knowledge of others ◦ “Me-with-XYZ” components of the self-concept 16 2/15/2024 Relational Selves These aspects influence not only that relationship, but also other interpersonal interactions ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Self-knowledge is stored in “Me-with-XYZ” nodes Enter a new interaction Transference Respond emotionally, motivationally, behaviorally in ways that reflect the activated self-knowledge 17