Relationships and Belonging PDF

Relationships & Belongings 1 The Need to Belong The need to belong is a basic human motive. We care deeply about what others think of us. Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated. Why do I feel the need...

Relationships & Belongings 1 The Need to Belong The need to belong is a basic human motive. We care deeply about what others think of us. Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated. Why do I feel the need to belong to someone? Being connected to other people, the need to belong, may act to protect us from physical illness and emotional distress. Since we experience discomfort when this need is not being met, we seek belonging throughout our lives. Why is it important to belong? The social ties that accompany a sense of belonging are a protective factor helping manage stress and other behavioral issues. When we feel we have support and are not alone, we are more resilient, often coping more effectively with difficult times in our lives. What gives you a sense of belonging? Belonging is the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group. It is when an individual can bring their authentic self to work. 3 What can extreme loneliness lead to? Feeling lonely can also have a negative impact on your mental health, especially if these feelings have lasted a long time. Some research suggests that loneliness is associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, low selfesteem, sleep problems and increased stress. 4 Need to Belong: A Fundamental Human Motive The Thrill of Affiliation Theory Need for Affiliation: The desire to establish social contact with others. ◦ We are motivated to establish and maintain an optimum balance of social contact. Psychological Barriers of Social Relationships: Shyness Sources ◦ Inborn personality trait ◦ Learned reaction to failed interactions with others Painful consequences ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Negative self-evaluations Expectations of failure in social encounters Self-blame for social failures Self-imposed isolation The Agony of Loneliness The pain of loneliness is a reminder that we need to be around other people. And there's evidence that suggests loneliness naturally rises and falls throughout our lifetimes. Cole says when he first started to study loneliness, he discounted its destructive power . The Initial Attraction Perspectives on Attraction We are attracted to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding. Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In We react more favorably to others who are physically attractive than to those who are not. Bias for beauty is pervasive. Beauty and Attraction: What is Beauty? Some argue that certain faces are inherently more attractive than others. ◦ High levels of agreement for facial ratings across ages and cultures. ◦ Physical features of the face are reliably associated with judgments of attractiveness. ◦ Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults. Is Beauty a Subjective Quality? People from different cultures enhance their beauty in very different ways. Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture. Standards of beauty change over time. Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty. Why Are We Blinded by Beauty? Inherently rewarding to be in the company of people who are aesthetically appealing. ◦ Possible intrinsic and extrinsic rewards Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with other desirable qualities. ◦ What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype Is the Physical Attractiveness Stereotype Accurate? Good-looking people do have more friends, better social skills, and a more active in physical life. But beauty is not related to objective measures of intelligence, personality, adjustment, or self-esteem. The specific nature of the stereotype also depends on cultural conceptions of what is “good.” The Benefits and Costs of Beauty Being good-looking does not guarantee health, happiness, or high self-esteem. Attributional problems with being good-looking: ◦ Is the attention and praise one receives due to one’s talents or just one’s good looks? Other Costs of Beauty Pressure to maintain one’s appearance. ◦ In American society, pressures are particularly strong when it comes to the body. ◦ Women are more likely than men to suffer from the “modern mania for slenderness.” Overall, being beautiful is a mixed blessing. ◦ Little relationship between appearance in youth and later happiness. First Encounters: Getting Acquainted We tend to associate with others who are similar to ourselves. Four types of similarity are most relevant ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ Demographic Attitude Attractiveness Subjective Experience A Two-Stage Model of the Attraction Process Matching Hypothesis People tend to become involved romantically with others who are equivalent in their physical attractiveness. Matching is predictive of progress in a relationship. Why Don’t Opposites Attract? Is there support for the complementarity hypothesis, which holds that people seek others whose needs “oppose” their own? Research shows that complementarity does not influence attraction. First Encounters: Liking Others Who Like Us Heider (1958): People prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced. A state of balance exists when the relationship is characterized by reciprocity. ◦ Mutual exchange between what one gives and what one receives Liking is mutual, which is why we tend to like others who indicate that they like us. First Encounters: Pursuing Those Who Are Hard to Get Does the hard-to-get effect exist? ◦ We prefer people who are moderately selective to those who are nonselective or too selective. ◦ We are turned off by those who reject us. Psychological reactance can increase or decrease attraction. Mate Selection: The Evolution of Desire Men and women by nature must differ in their optimal mating behaviors. ◦ Women must be highly selective because they are biologically limited in the number of children they can bear and raise in a lifetime. ◦ Men can father an unlimited number of children and ensure their reproductive success by inseminating many women. Supporting Evidence for the Evolutionary Perspective Universal tendency in desired age for potential mate. ◦ Men tend to seek younger women. ◦ Women tend to desire older men. Men and women become jealous for different reasons. ◦ Men become most upset by Physical infidelity. ◦ Women feel more threatened by emotional infidelity. Mate Selection: Sociocultural Perspectives Women trade youth and beauty for money because they often lack direct access to economic power. Men are fearful of Physical infidelity because it represents a threat to the relationship, not fatherhood issues. The differences typically found between the sexes are small compared to the similarities. Conspicuous Consumption If women are drawn to men who have wealth or the ability to obtain it, then it stands to reason that men would flaunt their resources the way the male peacock displays his brilliantly colored tail. Expressions of Love Male and female stereotypes would suggest that while men are more likely to chase Physical appearance , women to seek love Who’s The First To Say “I Love You”? Jealousy Jealousy is a common and normal human reaction, men and women may be aroused by different triggering events Close Relationships Intimate Relationships Often involve three basic components: ◦ Feelings of attachment, affection, and love ◦ The fulfillment of psychological needs ◦ Interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other How do first encounters evolve into intimate relationships? ◦ By stages or by leaps and bounds? Stimulus-Value-Role Theory Stimulus Stage: Attraction is sparked by external attributes such as physical appearance. Value Stage: Attachment is based on similarity of values and beliefs. Role Stage: Commitment is based on the performance of such roles as husband and wife. How Do Intimate Relationships Change? Most researchers reject the idea that intimate relationships progress through a fixed sequence of stages. For reward theories of love, quantity counts. There are qualitative differences between liking and loving, as well as different forms of love. The Intimate Marketplace: Social Exchange Theory People are motivated to maximize benefits and minimize costs in their relationships with others. Relationships that provide more rewards and fewer costs will be more satisfying and endure longer. The development of an intimate relationship is associated with the overall level of rewards. Relationship Expectations Comparison Level (CL): Average expected outcome in relationships. Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt): Expectations of what one would receive in an alternative situation. Investments in relationship increase commitment. The Intimate Marketplace: Equity Theory Most content with a relationship when the ratio between the benefits and contributions is similar for both partners. Your Benefits Partner's Benefits = Your Contributions Partner's Contributions • Balance is what counts. Types of Relationships Exchange Relationships: Participants expect and desire strict reciprocity in their interactions. Communal Relationships: Participants expect and desire mutual responsiveness to each other’s needs. Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles Attachment Style: The way a person typically interacts with significant others. Is the attachment style we had with our parents related to the attachment style we exhibit in our romantic relationships? Does the attachment style you endorse today forecast potential outcomes tomorrow? How Do I Love Thee? Lee’s Love Styles Primary Love Styles ◦ Eros (erotic love) ◦ Ludus (game-playing, uncommitted love) ◦ Storge (friendship love) Secondary Love Styles ◦ Mania (demanding and possessive love) ◦ Pragma (pragmatic love) ◦ Agape (other-oriented, altruistic love) Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Types of Love (cont.) Rubin (1973) ◦ Liking: The type of feeling one has for a platonic friend. ◦ Loving: The kind of feeling one has for a romantic partner. Hatfield et al. (1988) ◦ Passionate Love: Romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection. ◦ Companionate Love: A secure, trusting, stable partnership. Passionate Love: The Thrill of It Passionate love requires: ◦ A heightened state of physiological arousal ◦ The belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person Sometimes can misattribute physiological arousal to passionate love. ◦ Process known as excitation transfer Is the diminishment of passionate love inevitable? Companionate Love: The Self-Disclosure in It Form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers. Less intense than passionate love. ◦ But in some respects it is deeper and more enduring. Characterized by high levels of self-disclosure. The more emotionally involved, the more self-disclosure Culture, Attraction, and Close Relationships Are people the same all over the world? Passionate love is a widespread and universal emotion Yet passionate loves does not necessarily equate to marriage around the world Cultural influence on love is complex Relationship Issues: Communication and Conflict Communication patterns in troubled relationships: ◦ Negative affect reciprocity ◦ Demand/withdrawal interaction pattern Basic approaches to reducing the negative effects of conflict: ◦ Increase rewarding behavior in other aspects of a relationship ◦ Try to understand the other’s point of view Attributions and Quality of Relationship Happy couples tend to make relationship-enhancing attributions. Unhappy couples tend to make distress-maintaining attributions. Breaking Up A relationship is likely to be long-lasting when the couple: ◦ Has incorporated each other into one’s self ◦ Has become interdependent and have invested much into the relationship But these factors also intensify stress and make coping more difficult after the relationship ends. Changes in Life Satisfaction Before and After a Divorce