Principles-of-Conversation.pdf

CONVERSATIONAL MESSAGES  What is Conversation? Informal social interaction in which the roles of the speaker and hearer are exchanged in a non- automatic fashion under the collaborative management of all parties A talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which ne...

CONVERSATIONAL MESSAGES  What is Conversation? Informal social interaction in which the roles of the speaker and hearer are exchanged in a non- automatic fashion under the collaborative management of all parties A talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which new ideas are exchanged The spoken exchange of ideas, observations, opinions, or feelings between people Informal social interaction between two or more people Why converse? To give information To get information To get someone to do something To stop someone from doing something To make someone feel good Requirements for Conversation Establish environment and mindset – context. Use shared language. Engage in mutually beneficial, peer-to-peer exchange. Confirm share mental models. Engage in a transaction – execute cooperative actions. Levels of Conversation Informational - simply an exchange of data; no intimacy Personal/Emotional - sharing about thoughts, feelings, desires, internal experience; with deep connection Relational - engaging about what is happening “right now”; in the moment, between us Five-Stage Model of Conversation First Stage: OPENING Other ways to begin a conversation: A poke on Facebook A wave on Messenger A simple tweet or post A smile A kiss A handshake Sending a friend a photo First Stage: OPENING Phatic Communication A message that establishes a connection between two people and opens up the channels for more meaningful interaction A greeting is a good example. - In normal conversation, a greeting must be reciprocated with a greeting similar in degree of formality and intensity. First Stage: OPENING Openings must be generally consistent in tone with the main part of the conversation. Avoid opening the conversation with the following: Wow! You gained too much weight. Am I right? You look horrible today. What’s up? I think your dress does not fit you right. Opening References 1. Self-references say something about you. Examples: My name is Andre. I am from Cebu. I am taking up Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. I am worried about the spread of covid-19. I love watching K-dramas. Opening References 2. Other-references say something about the other person or ask a question. Examples: I like the color of your shirt. Your lipstick matches your skin tone. Is that book you are holding your favorite? Opening References 3. Relational References say something about the two of you. Examples: May I offer you a drink? Would you like to dance? May I join you? Opening References 4. Context References say something about the physical, social-psychological, cultural or temporal context. Examples: This restaurant is one of the best in town. This painting is fantastic. It seems that there are a lot of people here right now. Second Stage: FEEDFORWARD This second stage gives the other person a general idea of the focus of the conversation. Examples: I have to tell you something very important. Did you hear what happened in class yesterday? We need to talk about our plans for the upcoming summer. Second Stage: FEEDFORWARD Feedforward may also identify the tone of the conversation. Examples: I am really sad right now and I need to speak with you. This will just take a minute. I am happy because, you know what, the long wait is finally over. Functions of Feedforward To open the channels of communication - Greetings are designed to maintain rapport and friendly relations. Examples: How are you? Nice weather! To preview the message - The preview may reveal the importance, form or style, and the positive or negative quality of subsequent messages. Examples: I am afraid I have bad news for you. Listen to this before you make a move. Functions of Feedforward To disclaim - A statement that aims to ensure that your message will be understood as you want it to be and that it will not reflect negatively on you. You use a disclaimer when you think that what you are going to say may be met with opposition. Examples: ✓ I am not against President Duterte but… ✓ Do not think that I don’t like you. It’s just that… ✓ Correct me if I’m wrong but I think… Functions of Feedforward To altercast - This is often used to place the receiver in a specific role and to request responses in terms of this assumed role. This requires the person to answer from a particular perspective. Examples: ✓ If you were the boss, would you give your employees an incentive? ✓ As a future accountant, what do you think will be your biggest contribution to the society? ✓ Would you give him a second chance if you were the wife? Suggestions for Giving Effective Feedforward Use feedforward to estimate the receptivity of the person to what you are going to say. Use feedforward that is consistent with your subsequent message. The more important or complex the message, the more important and more extensive you feedforward needs to be. Third Stage: BUSINESS The substance or focus of the conversation The longest part of the conversation and the reason for the opening and the feedforward Used to emphasize that most conversations are goal directed Brief, rather than long, speaking turns characterize most satisfying conversations. Conversational taboos should be avoided. Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK The reverse of the second stage This signals that the business stage is completed. To use feedback effectively, one must make educated choices along the following dimensions: Positive – Negative Person Focused – Message Focused Immediate – Delayed Low-Monitoring – High-Monitoring Supportive – Critical Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK Positive vs. Negative Positive feedback tells the speaker that he or she is on the right track and should continue communicating in essentially the same way. Example: You give a compliment or pat someone on the back. Negative feedback tells the speaker that something is wrong and that some adjustment should be made. Example: You criticize someone or scowl.  Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK Person Focused vs. Message Focused Person focused feedback centers on the person. Example: You’re very sweet. You have a great smile. Message focused feedback centers on the message. Example: Your argument is a good one. The speech is very informative. Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK Immediate vs. Delayed Immediate feedback is sent immediately after the message is received. Example: You smile or say something in response almost simultaneously with your receiving the message. Delayed feedback comes much later. Example: When you applaud or ask questions of a public speaker at the end of a lecture.  Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK Low Monitoring vs. High Monitoring Low monitoring feedback is a spontaneous and totally honest reaction. Your responses show no monitoring or self-censorship. Example: When your mother asks you what you think of the dish she cooked, you probably would not require guarding your response. High Monitoring feedback is a carefully constructed, highly censored response designed to serve a specific purpose. Example: You probably would be extra careful as when your boss asks you how you like your job. Fourth Stage: FEEDBACK Supportive vs. Critical Supportive feedback accepts the speaker and what the speaker says. Example: When you console someone, encourage him or her to talk or otherwise confirm the person’s definition of self. Critical feedback is evaluative; it is judgmental. Example: When coaching someone to learn a skill, you judge his or her performance. Suggestions for Giving Effective Feedback Focus on the behavior or the message rather than the motives behind the message or behavior. Example: You forgot my birthday rather than You don’t love me. If your feedback is largely negative, try to begin with something positive. Remember that negatives will be much easier to take after hearing some positives. Ask for feedback on your feedback. Example: Do you understand why I said those things? Avoid giving feedback when you are angry and especially when your anger is likely to influence what you say. Fifth Stage: CLOSING Reveals how satisfied the persons were with the conversation May be used to schedule future conversations The feedback and closing stages may be combined at times. Closing a conversation properly must be done to avoid awkward or uncomfortable endings. Suggestions for Closing Conversations Reflect back on the conversation and briefly summarize it so as to bring it to a close. Example: I’m glad that I ran into you and found out what happened at the meeting. Directly state the desire to end the conversation and to get on with other things. Example: I’d like to continue talking with you, but I really have to go. Suggestions for Closing Conversations Refer to future interaction. Example: Why don’t we get together next week and continue this discussion? Ask for closure. Example: Have I explained everything that you wanted to know? State that you enjoyed the interaction. Example: It was really nice talking with you. Conversational Maxims - Principles that speakers and listeners follow in conversation The Maxim of Quantity The Maxim of Quality The Maxim of Relation The Maxim of Manner Conversational Maxims The Maxim of Quantity Include information that makes the meaning clear but omit what does not. Give neither too little nor too much information. People violate this maxim when they try to relate an incident and digress to give unnecessary information. The Maxim of Quality Say what you know or assume to be true and do not say what you know to be false. People violate the maxim of quality when they lie, exaggerate or minimize major problems. Conversational Maxims The Maxim of Relation Talk about what is relevant to the conversation. This principle is frequently violated by speakers who digress widely or frequently interject irrelevant comments, causing you to wonder how these comments are related to what you are discussing. The Maxim of Manner Be clear, avoid ambiguities, be relatively brief, and organize your thoughts into a meaningful sequence. Use terms that the listener understands and clarify terms that you suspect the listener will not understand. Source: DeVito, Joseph A. The Interpersonal Communication Book. Boston: Pearson Education, Inc., 2017.