Never Split The Difference by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz StoryShots Book Analysis and Summary.pdf

 STORYSHOTS Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss StoryShots Summary Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It  First published by StoryShots 2024 Copyright © 2024 by StoryShots All rights reserved. No part of this publication ma...

 STORYSHOTS Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss StoryShots Summary Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It  First published by StoryShots 2024 Copyright © 2024 by StoryShots All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission. StoryShots has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate. Disclaimer: This is an unofficial summary and analysis. It is not affiliated with, authorized, approved, licensed, or endorsed by the subject book’s author or publisher. 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Find out more at reedsy.com  Contents Preface iv Introduction 1 1 About Chris Voss 3 2 StoryShot 1: The New Rules of Good Negotiators 5 3 StoryShot 2: Build an Efficient Negotia- tion Environment 7 4 StoryShot 3: Instead of Feeling Their Pain, You Should Label... 11 5 StoryShot 4: Don’t Be Scared of Using “No” Tactically 14 6 StoryShot 5: “That’s Right” Can Trans- form the Conversation 16 7 StoryShot 6: Bend Their Reality 18 8 StoryShot 7: Create the Illusion of Control 21 9 StoryShot 8: Guarantee Execution 23 10 StoryShot 9: Bargain Hard 25 11 Final Summary and Review of Never Split the Difference 28 12 Rating 30 13 PDF, Free Audiobook, Infographic and Animated Summary 31 14 Related Book Summaries 32  Preface Life gets busy. Has Never Split the Difference been gathering dust on your bookshelf? Instead, pick up the key ideas now. We’re scratching the surface here. If you don’t already have the book with powerful insights into negotiation techniques based on Voss’s experience as an FBI hostage negotiator., order it here or get the audiobook for free on Amazon to learn the juicy details. iv  Introduction Imagine being in a life-or-death situation where every word you say could mean the difference between safety and danger. This is the reality that Chris Voss faced as the FBI’s top hostage nego- tiator. In his groundbreaking book, Never Split the Difference, Voss shares the powerful negotiation techniques he developed during his high-stakes career. Have you ever felt frustrated in a negotiation, wondering why logic and reason didn’t lead to a better outcome? Voss argues that traditional approaches often fall short. Instead, he reveals that the secret to successful negotiations lies in understanding emotions and using tactical empathy. How can you turn a tense negotiation into a collaborative conversation? This book teaches you how to connect with others on a human level, making it easier to achieve your goals. Whether you’re negotiating a business deal or resolving a conflict at home, Never Split the Difference equips you with the skills to navigate complex interactions effectively. Are you ready to transform the way you negotiate? “To get real leverage, you have to persuade them that they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through.” 1 NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY - Chris Voss 2  1 About Chris Voss Chris Voss is an American businessman, author, and academic. He started his career as a policeman in the rough streets of Kansas City. After this, he joined the FBI, where he became their leading kidnapping negotiator. This role brought him face-to-face with bank robbers, gang leaders, and terrorists. He is now the CEO of The Black Swan Group Ltd, which offers negotiation training for businesses and individuals. Voss is also an adjunct professor at Georgetown University and a lecturer at the Marshall School of Business at the University of South Carolina. “Research shows that the best way to deal with neg- ativity is to observe it, without reaction and without judgment. Then consciously label each negative feeling and replace it with positive, compassionate, and solution- based thoughts”. - Chris Voss 3 NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY 4  2 StoryShot 1: The New Rules of Good Negotiators Chris Voss describes negotiation as a process of trying to con- vince others of your approach to a topic. So, negotiation is a type of communication that requires a specific outcome. Negotiation is built on the assumption that humans want to be accepted and understood. Subsequently, being an active listener is an effective way to show acceptance and empathy toward the other party in the ne- gotiation. One negotiation technique is to become an intelligent negotiator who focuses on logic and math. In reality, humans are not always convinced by rationality, and we generally do not accept comments based on logic alone. So Voss rejects this approach. Negotiation has been a topic of study since the 1970s. Still, it was only recently that psychologists like Kahneman and Tversky identified that we all have a habit of adopting cognitive biases. These cognitive biases lead to irrationality. These cognitive biases are relatively common. So, if we can better understand human negotiation psychology, we can become 5  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY more successful negotiators. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. - Chris Voss 6  3 StoryShot 2: Build an Efficient Negotiation Environment Negotiation as Information Gathering When negotiating, it is essential to establish a rapport quickly. A rapport relies on effective empathy so that you can gain trust. That said, it also relies on having as much information about your counterpart and the situation as possible. Chris Voss provides an example from his own life of why obtaining as much information as possible is essential. Voss was involved in the negotiation process after a robbery at a Manhattan bank in 1993. Three innocent hostages were taken. While negotiating, one of the robbers told the FBI that four people were holding the hostages. In reality, it was just him holding them hostage. Upon rewatching the robbery, Voss noticed the other robbers were only after the ATM and bailed when he took the hostages. From obtaining this information, he could ascertain this robber was acting alone in this hostage 7  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY situation. He was lying about the number of people as he wanted to buy time to escape. Voss successfully negotiated this dilemma, as he had sufficient information and developed a rapport with the criminal. Negotiations as an act of discovery. Rather than a battle of arguments, he sees negotiation as a way to uncover as much information as possible. You can start building a rapport by listening to the other party. Validate their concerns, build trust, and create a safety net that allows real conversations to flourish. Doing this produces an environment safe enough for the other individual to talk about what they want. A rapport and trust depend on a slow negotiation process. If you seem in a hurry, the other party will feel like they are not being heard. The other party will also believe you are only negotiating for your benefit. The Three Voices for Negotiation According to Chris Voss, there are three types of voices available to negotiators: 1. The late-night FM DJ voice: Basically, you want to keep your voice calm and slow. You shouldn’t use this voice at all times, but you can use it selectively when you want to create an aura of authority and trust. 2. The playful/positive voice: This should be your default voice. It’s the voice of an easygoing, good-natured person. This voice will help encourage the other individual to start opening up. 3. The direct/assertive voice: This is the voice you should 8  STORYSHOT 2: BUILD AN EFFICIENT NEGOTIATION ENVIRONMENT use most sparingly. This type of voice frequently creates pushback, so you should only use it if there is no alternative. “The goal is to identify what your counterparts actually need (monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise) and get them feeling safe enough to talk and talk and talk some more about what they want.” - Chris Voss 9  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY Mirroring Mirroring is an approach that involves repeating what the other person is saying in a curious tone. Specifically, it involves using the three most critical words to frame a leading question. This approach encourages participants to reveal information, making them feel like they are like you. You are buying time and building a relationship that will help you gather more information to inform your future decisions. There is an example of the effectiveness of mirroring via a study with waiters. Psychologist Richard Wiseman found that waiters received on average 70 percent more tips when they mirrored. You can adopt this five-step process with all your negotia- tions: 1. Use the late-night FM DJ voice. This tone is calm, soothing, and has a downward inflection. It conveys confidence and creates a relaxed atmosphere, making it ideal for fostering trust and comfort during negotiations. 2. Start with phrases like ‘I am sorry,’ so that you display openness. 3. Mirror the other participants to build a rapport. 4. Use silence effectively. 5. Repeat. 10  4 StoryShot 3: Instead of Feeling Their Pain, You Should Label It Chris Voss also provides a two-step approach to build trust through tactical empathy and labeling. Tactical empathy re- quires you to listen to and understand the feelings of the other party. You have to simultaneously understand their emotions and listen to their points of view. Combining these two tips into negotiation will help increase your influence. You can better understand the other individual’s feelings by closely observing the other person’s face, gestures, and tone of voice. Research suggests that observing these emotional cues can help your brain align with theirs. This is called neural resonance. Your brain will mirror their emotions, helping you better understand how they are feeling. After you understand the other person’s feelings better, you should recognize their emotions. This means letting them know that you see and understand what they are feeling. This is called labeling. Once you have spotted an emotion, you should label it aloud by observing non-verbal cues and the words they are using. You should always start your label of emotions 11  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY with one of the following phrases: 1. ‘It seems like…’ 2. ‘It looks like…’ 3. ‘It sounds like…’ Labeling negative emotions can diffuse them. And labeling positives can reinforce them. Based on this, labeling can help de-escalate situations. In a negotiation scenario, Voss describes a situation where a counterpart expresses frustration over a perceived unfairness in the deal. By saying, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated about the terms,” Voss acknowledges the other person’s feelings. This simple act of labeling allows the counterpart to feel heard and understood, which often leads to a reduction in their emotional intensity. By recognizing their frustration, Voss creates an opportunity for a more constructive dialogue. 12 STORYSHOT 3: INSTEAD OF FEELING THEIR PAIN, YOU SHOULD LABEL... 13  5 StoryShot 4: Don’t Be Scared of Using “No” Tactically Voss describes the word “no” as a powerful tool when negoti- ating. If used effectively, the word “no” can uncover unknown points of contention. This works both ways. You should avoid pushing for a yes. Pushing for a yes will not bring you closer to an agreement and potentially irritate the other party. Take a “no” as the start of the negotiation, rather than its end. For example, a party responding with “no” provides an excellent opportunity to probe them to clarify precisely what they don’t want. There are three kinds of “yes”: 1. Counterfeit - This is when the party sees a yes response as the easiest escape route. The party had planned to say no but did not want to deal with the repercussions. 2. Confirmation - This is generally straightforward. The other party provides a reflexive response to a straightfor- ward question. 3. Commitment - This is the most impactful type of yes. This 14  STORYSHOT 4: DON’T BE SCARED OF USING “NO” TACTICALLY type of yes will lead to a definite outcome, like signing a contract. You must learn which of these yeses is being used by the other party. Understanding this will help you guide the conversation forward and get to the center of the negotiation. 15  6 StoryShot 5: “That’s Right” Can Transform the Conversation This storyshot essentially builds on the idea of mirroring. Sum- marizing and repeating the other party’s concerns is the most effective way to get them to agree to a solution. A simple and clear message, like “That’s right,” can be the most effective way to relay concerns. This is far more impactful in creating negotiation breakthroughs than “Yes.” It is a more robust affirmation of the other party’s concerns. Combine this advice with a label and paraphrasing. 16 STORYSHOT 5: “THAT’S RIGHT” CAN TRANSFORM THE CONVERSATION 17  7 StoryShot 6: Bend Their Reality There are several ways to bend the reality of the other party. For example, starting with a very low or high offer can change the entire negotiation. Using particular offers or ones that incorporate odd numbers can influence parties to compromise. Here are some approaches that are most effective in bending the other party towards your preferences: Earn a reputation for being a “fair” negotiator. Being fair does not mean you are a pushover. Instead, it means you are a shrewd negotiator who understands that both parties have preferences that need to be accounted for. Additionally, you can increase your chances of appearing fair by highlighting that you have something to lose if the deal falls through. Empathy is fundamental to bending the reality of the other party. Acknowledge the other party’s fears and anchor their emotions in preparation for a loss. You want to inflame the other party’s loss aversion, so they are willing to avoid loss by accepting an offer. There are better approaches than being the first to negotiate a price. If you let the other party anchor monetary negotiations, 18  STORYSHOT 6: BEND THEIR REALITY then there is the possibility that you might get lucky. For example, you might have negotiation experiences where the first offer of the other party is higher than your closing figure. In this instance, if you go first, you would agree on a lower price than you could have acquired. Although Voss recommends letting the other party go first, he also highlights the importance of withstanding the first offer. If they drive a hard bargain, you have to stand firm. Do not let their first offer lead to you being the one who bends their reality. You should always establish a range while explaining the evidence underlying your point. Therefore, Voss recommends establishing a ballpark figure with credible references to support your claims. For example, you should reference how people in similar roles earn between $120,000 and $140,000. This approach increases your chances of success. You are backing your points with evidence and leaving room for the other party to consider an offer around this range. The other party will be less defensive, as it sounds less like you are telling them what to do. You should always try to offer the other party materials that aren’t important to you, but could be important to them. Doing so will make your offer appear reasonable, even if you are not giving up much. One way to do this is to pivot to non-monetary terms and ask what factors are crucial for them. Interestingly, arbitrary numbers are generally more likely to be accepted. For example, research suggests that numbers ending in 0 tend to feel like placeholders that can be bargained down. In contrast, a less rounded number, like $47,845, feels more likely due to a thoughtful calculation. Finally, you can surprise the other party with a gift. For example, after a rejection, you can sweeten a shrewd offer by 19  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY giving them a completely unrelated surprise gift. 20  8 StoryShot 7: Create the Illusion of Control Use calibrated questions to create an illusion of control. For example, negotiators often suggest that the other party is in control by using questions that start with “what” or “how.” A calibrated question helps educate the other party on the problem, rather than causing conflict by telling them what the problem is. Here is a list of calibrated questions you can use in almost every negotiation. The questions are: What about this is important to you? How can I help make this better for us? How would you like me to proceed? What is it that brought us into this situation? How can we solve this problem? What are we trying to accomplish here? How am I supposed to do that? These questions will make the other party feel like they are in 21  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY charge. That said, in reality, you are the one in charge. 22  9 StoryShot 8: Guarantee Execution You can guarantee execution in negotiations through observing body language and tone of voice. You have to use this nonverbal information to adapt to every element of the negotiation. Your aim in the negotiation is to get both consent and execution. Here are some tips for using subtle verbal and nonverbal com- munication. This helps us understand and modify the mental states of the other party: 1. Albert Mehrabian created the 7–38–55 Percent Rule. This rule states that only 7 percent of a message is based on the words used. 38 percent of the message comes from tone of voice, and 55 percent from body language. Pay close attention to the tone and body language of the other party. Identify if these match the literal meaning of the words they are trying to convey. If they don’t align, it is apparent that they are lying. 2. The Rule of Three involves getting the other party to agree to the same thing three times in the same conversation. 23  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY This approach reinforces the chances of your offer being accepted in the closing negotiation. Voss recommends labeling or summarizing what they said during the initial agreement. This should encourage them to agree for a second time. Then, for the third instance, you could use a calibrated question. 3. A Harvard Business School study found that, on average, liars use more words than those telling the truth. They also tend to use more third-person pronouns. 4. People often get tired of hearing their names. Switch tracks and use your name instead. This creates a sense of “forced empathy” and makes the other party see you as human. 1. 24  10 StoryShot 9: Bargain Hard Negotiators use different styles to bargain: analytical, accommodating, or even assertive. Progressive offers can make each style more successful. Suppose the other party is driving a hard bargain. In that case, you should aim to move the conversation away from monetary issues. Use an encouraging voice and ask the other party to put prices aside for a moment. Suggest the other party consider other options that could make this a good deal for both of you. When bargaining, you always want to prevent confrontation. Collaboration is where you can obtain real bargains. Using first-person pronouns (e.g., I) is an excellent way to prevent confrontation. This brings the attention back onto you. You do not want to beg or appear too apologetic during these negotiations, as the issue is the unsolved deal, not you. Take some pressure off the negotiations by bringing the attention 25  NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE BY CHRIS VOSS STORYSHOTS SUMMARY back to help encourage the negotiations. The Ackerman Model The Ackerman Model is a method that aims to maximize your returns from counteroffers. It is a six-step process that you should follow in this order: 1. Set your target price. 2. Set your first offer at 65 percent of your target price. 3. Calculate your three raises in prices. These prices should decrease in increments, e.g., 85, 95, and then 100%. 4. Use your empathy and the different ways of saying no to encourage negotiations. This encouragement should help the other individual provide a counteroffer, which you should consider before increasing your offer. 26  STORYSHOT 9: BARGAIN HARD 5. When calculating the final amount you are willing to pay, you should use precise and arbitrary numbers rather than rounded ones. 6. Throw in a non-monetary item along with your final offer. This non-monetary item should ideally be something you don’t want. This non-monetary item will also suggest to the other party that you are at your limit. 27  11 Final Summary and Review of Never Split the Difference You should never be so eager to solve a conflict that you accept an inconvenient result for you. Making a compromise or accepting a bad deal is almost always a mistake. Voss calls this splitting the difference. Compromising will not always bring an effective outcome. For example, the other party may provide an offer during a negotiation. Upon compromising, they may suggest you make a further compromise. For example, a kidnapper holding somebody may hold a hostage and ask for ransom money. This would suggest that money is their motivating factor. That said, there is nothing to say that they won’t also kill this individual as a message after obtaining the money. So you should never split the difference. One way to avoid splitting the difference is to take your time. The other individual might start setting deadlines, but your job is to collect as much information as possible regarding your negotiations. Do not make rushed decisions. Most deadlines are flexible and have simply been chosen randomly. The author provides an example of flexible deadlines from his time working 28  FINAL SUMMARY AND REVIEW OF NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE for the FBI. The wife of a Haitian police officer was abducted, and the kidnappers demanded money. But the author noticed an interesting pattern during the following weeks of negotiation. The kidnappers would insist on receiving ransom money on workdays. Then, as the weekend approached, they would stop their requests and lie low. These actions led Voss to realize that the kidnappers had a partying habit, and that’s why they needed the money. Once he understood this, the author also realized the deadlines were flexible and that he could negotiate a much lower price with them. As with most negotiations, information, patience, and time were essential to achieve a successful outcome. 29  12 Rating We rate Chris Voss’ book 4.4/5. How would you rate Never Split the Difference based on this summary? Comment here and let us know. 30  13 PDF, Free Audiobook, Infographic and Animated Summary This was the tip of the iceberg. To dive into the details and support Chris Voss, order the book or get the audiobook for free. Did you like the lessons you learned here? Comment below or share to show you care. New to StoryShots? Get the PDF, free audio and animated versions of this analysis and review of Never Split the Difference and hundreds of other bestselling nonfiction books in our free top-ranking app. It’s been featured by Apple, The Guardian, The UN, and Google as one of the world’s best reading and learning apps. 31  14 Related Book Summaries How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie Crucial Conversations by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny and Ron McMillan To Sell Is Human by Daniel Pink Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Influence by Robert Cialdini The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Freakonomics by Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Jean Greaves and Travis Brad- berry The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene Difficult Conversations by Bruce Patton, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen 32