Interpersonal Skills PDF

Interpersonal skills ==================== There are key interpersonal skills that are critical to use in leadership transactions. These are: - empathy - honesty - positivity - trust - patience - assertiveness. **Empathy -- the art of understanding** Empathy is the 'ability to un...

Interpersonal skills ==================== There are key interpersonal skills that are critical to use in leadership transactions. These are: - empathy - honesty - positivity - trust - patience - assertiveness. **Empathy -- the art of understanding** Empathy is the 'ability to understand and share the feelings of another'. By putting ourselves in someone else's place and feeling what they would feel, we are able to gain insight and it allows us to adapt to the situation. Empathy allows you to be polite, considerate and helpful. It uses positive language such as "Let me see what I can do" and "How can I help you?" Empathy is not sympathy, where you feel bad about someone's situation but don't do anything to assist. Empathy is a connection that you create with your colleague where you acknowledge their feelings first and then try and problem solve. When a colleague feels understood and cared about, he or she will be better prepared to work with you over the long run. **Honesty** Honesty is the basis for good leadership as, without it, you aren\'t able to develop an authentic relationship with your colleagues. Colleagues look for honesty in leadership interactions, so it\'s important everyone within the organisation is as honest as possible. This can mean simply telling the colleague that you don\'t have the answer right now instead of delaying the response. Sam Briones tells us that honesty is important as: 1. honesty creates trust 2. word of your honesty is bound to get around 3. honesty kills impatience and breeds understanding 4. honesty creates willingness to provide feedback 5. honesty creates a positive working environment. **Positivity in your language** This kind of positivity doesn't necessarily refer to your outlook on life, but to the language that you use. We often default to negative language which is not useful in leadership interactions such as: - unfortunately: I'm about to tell you something bad - as you know: I'm putting you in your place, and confirming your worst suspicions. - I'm afraid that\...: Just like 'as you know', this one invariably always comes before bad news. It is easy to develop positivity; just replace your negative words with positive ones. **Trust** Trust is only earned by behaving in a trustworthy and reliable way in everything you do. The more familiar you are with their perspective and world view, the easier this will be to achieve. Building trust is about being real, human and congruent. To achieve trust you must be trustworthy. Trustworthiness is based on both your character and your competence. Some of the most important character traits required to create trustworthiness are integrity (i.e. your behaviour has to be consistent with your values). If you\'re in a leadership role it means making sure everyone \"lives the values\". This means they understand and buy into the values. If you want to avoid losing the trust of your colleagues there are some simple rules to follow: - never let them down - consider things from their perspective - always justify their faith in you - go the extra mile to exceed their expectations. **Patience** Leadership is not an easy job. - sometimes, your colleagues will be angry with you - sometimes, your colleagues will need extra attention to understand things - sometimes, things will simply be difficult. The worst thing you can do in these situations is lose your cool. How do you develop patience? Jane Bolton believes in four key elements: 1. **Understand the addictive nature of anger, irritation and outrage**. The more you feel 2. **Upgrade your attitude towards discomfort and pain**. In uncomfortable situations 3. **Pay attention to when the irritation/pain starts.** Find the cues that cause you to 4. **Control your self-talk.** The things we say to ourselves have an uncanny ability of coming true, whether they're positive or negative. So when you say "This colleague is really starting to make me angry", instead of, for example, "This is a tough situation, but I'm going to stay calm and do what it takes to solve the problem", it can have a big impact on what the reality becomes. **Assertiveness** How does assertiveness play an important role? Understanding the true meaning and intent behind assertiveness can help anyone managing challenges with their colleagues, suppliers, managers or clients. The intent is to communicate with respect for self and respect for others. This is crucial when we run into difficult situations: for example, having to say "no"; expressing disagreement or dissatisfaction; following up on broken promises; or setting boundaries. In all areas of business, there will be times when we need to agree to disagree. However, keeping the relationship intact should always be the primary goal. After all, we have to continue to work with these colleagues, managers, suppliers, and we need to retain the client. Assertiveness gives us permission to stand up for ourselves. It teaches us what to say and how to say it. We can learn how to set limits when others cross the line. We communicate in a manner that encourages others to take us more seriously. The goal is to communicate disagreement or dissatisfaction in a manner that doesn't distance others. In any leadership interaction when deadlines are tight, the stakes are high, and diplomacy is critical, we need to be respectful and communicate with authority. Saying "no" is difficult for many of us. Many people want to avoid the conflict or push-back that often follows when we refuse a request. It's better if people take us seriously the first time. When saying "no" keep your tone of voice neutral, devoid of anger, frustration or sarcasm. Repeat the request to assure the other person that you understood the question. Let them know briefly why you must refuse. Following up on broken promises or missed deadlines is another uncomfortable situation for many people. How do we confront our internal or external colleagues without distancing them? Stating the verbal agreement, as you understood it, followed up by an open-ended question. This is a respectful way to confront someone. It gives them a chance to speak up for themselves and explain what factors caused the agreement to be broken. This approach is more respectful than an accusation. It gives the other person the benefit of the doubt and seeks a joint solution. Bina Feldman suggests that when you want to confront someone who broke a commitment or promise, state the verbal agreement, as you understood it. Then ask a question, "I understood that we agreed you would get back to me by Monday. Today is Wednesday, and I never heard back from you. What happened? Where do we go from here?" Setting boundaries is all about teaching others how we expect to be treated. If we hear lots of complaints about things gone wrong, and the call becomes ugly, it's important to stand up for ourselves. If someone crosses the line and begins to use foul language, we have the right to let them know how we expect to be treated.