Developing Relationships PDF

MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS At the end of this chapter, students will: A. Understand the stages of relationship development and deterioration; B. Determine when a relationshi...

MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS At the end of this chapter, students will: A. Understand the stages of relationship development and deterioration; B. Determine when a relationship is in trouble and how to use relational repair strategies; and C. Improve your interpersonal communication skills and competencies in personal and professional relationships. It is human tendency to evaluate everything and everyone and to form attitudes about people, objects, and events in our lives. As we encounter other individuals at school, work, or in our neighborhoods, as we develop attitudes about each of them. These interpersonal evaluation fall along a dimension raging from liking to disliking and also help to determine the type of relationship that may be formed, for example, friend, close acquaintance, superficial acquaintance, annoying or undesirable acquaintance. Relationships have the potential to form any time two people make contact with each other, whether face to face or via some other medium such as the phone or the computer. Most contacts happened accidentally, depending on factors such as seating arrangement in a class, physical arrangements in a workplace, in a hospital lobby or in an elevator or even in a public transport. Physical proximity and timing are very often the reason how people meet and begin relationships with each other. Forming and Dissolving Relationships How we progress as individuals, survive, develop intimacy, and make sense of our world depends on how we relate to others. Interpersonal Attraction Most of us develop relationships quite routinely, although the process is easier for some people than it is for others. Every day, we are enormously influenced by first impressions. Interpersonal attraction is the desire to interact with someone based on a variety of factors, including physical attractiveness, personality, proximity or similarities in some aspects. 1  MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION A person is liked by some people, disliked by some, and seen as indifferent by others. Why? This question is not easily answered, but, to some extent, differences in attraction depend on the person who is making the evaluation. Attraction also depends in part on the similarities and differences between the evaluator and the person being evaluated. As acquaintances evolve from the first encounter to more engaged relationships, two additional factors come into play: a. the need to associate with someone b. reactions to observable physical attributes. Physical Attributes When we like or dislike some people at first sight, it is an indication that we have observed something about them that appears to provide information. For example, if a stranger reminds you of someone you know and like, your response to the person is extended by association. You tend to like the stranger simply on the basis of a superficial resemblance to someone else. Physical attributes are very powerful message and influence many types of interpersonal evaluations, but appearance is especially crucial with respect to attraction to members of the opposite sex. People respond positively to those who are very attractive and negatively to those who are unattractively Physical attractiveness is a very powerful message and influences many types of interpersonal evaluations. Appearance is especially crucial with respect to attraction to members of the opposite sex. How does attractiveness affect relationships and interpersonal communication? Many people tend to reject others who are far less attractive than they believe themselves to be; in other words, they are saying, "I can do better than that." As a result, people tend to pair off, especially in romantic relationships, by selecting individuals whom they consider similar in attractiveness. Interacting the First Time Individuals meet and interact for the first time. The initial interaction might consist of a brief exchange of words, either electronically or in person, or the eye contact during which two individuals recognize each other's existence and potential interest to meet and converse. If conversation does not begin, the initiating stage may end, and the potential relationship might not progress any further. Whether the interaction continues depends on various assessments that the individuals make - for example, whether the other person is attractive or unattractive, approachable or unapproachable. A connection must be made to motivate one or both of the individuals to continue the interaction if a relationship is to develop. Signs That Show a Relationship Is Over Before a relationship is over, certain warning signs show. These are the three common signs: 2  MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION 1. Aggressive Behavior. A preliminary warning sign that a relationship is heading toward trouble is when one of the parties becomes a little too aggressive by aiming hurtful communication at the other party. All of us, at one time or another, say something that we wished we hadn't said to someone about whom we care. However, whether intentionally or not, when people communicate hurtful statements to one another with increasing frequency, it is possible sign that their relationship is in trouble. 2. Lies. Another warning sign that a relationship is in trouble is when one person deceives another by lying about something. Whether the lie is significant or trivial, it weakens the relationship, which is trust. Most of the time, acts of deception have consequences that people don't fully consider when justifying their reason for lying. À relationship built on deceit is not likely to succeed for very long. 3. Betrayal. Another warning sign that a relationship is in trouble is betrayal. Betrayal can happen when someone trusts another person and that trust is broken. For example, if you tell a friend a personal secret and especially ask for complete confidentiality and the friend then spreads the story to others, you have been betrayed. Relationships that are injured by betrayal are often not repairable because of the amount of hurt those breaches of trust cause. Dialectical Theory: Push and Pull Relationships confront many contradictions or tensions, which push and pull us in many different directions at the same time. For example, as an individual you may want to be out with your friends for the evening but you have an important paper due in a few days that you haven't started. Thus, you have to decide between being with your friends or beginning your paper. Or you might want your best friend to spend more time with you, but when your friend does, you decide that you want more time to yourself. This illustrates the contradictory impulses or dialectic that push and pull us in conflicting directions with others. By contradicting impulses, we mean that each person is having two opposing and interacting desires, which push and pull the relationships in different directions. Relationships require both the desire to connect to another person and the desire to retain autonomy as an individual. We want to connect to others, such as partners, friends, parents, siblings, or co-workers, but we also want to retain some control and independence or autonomy over our lives. 3  MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION Intimacy at its highest level does require a bonding that connects us with another person emotionally, intellectually, and physically, but it does not mean or require a complete loss of self. In healthy relationships, there is a reasonable balance of being connected and maintaining autonomy. Relationships that move too far in one direction or the other in terms of control versus autonomy are usually relationships that are extremely unstable and potentially destructive. Interpersonal Conflict Conflict, according to communication scholars William Wilmot and Joyce: Hocker," is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals. For example, suppose you want to go to a concert on a Friday evening and your friend wants to go to a movie. Both of you explain your desire about what you would like to do (expressed struggle), neither of you wants to go out alone on a Friday evening (interdependent parties), you cannot go to both the movie and the concert in the evening (incompatible goals), neither of you can afford to do both because of time and money (scarce resources), and your friend will not consider going to the concert interference). You have incompatible goals, and it seems one person must lose for the other to win. What Causes Conflict? One is faulty communication, a social factor that can lead to conflict. This is evident by the fact that individuals communicate in ways that anger or annoy others even though it might not be the communicator's intention to do so. Have you ever been harshly criticized in a way that you believed was unjustified, insensitive, unfair, and not the least bit helpful? If you have, you know that this type of perceived criticism leaves you feeling upset, angry, and ready to attack, this setting the stage for conflict. Another cause of conflict is faulty perceptions and our tendency to perceive our own views as objective and reflecting reality but to perceive others' views as biased or lacking in reality. As a result, stereotyping or prejudices create conflicting views by magnifying differences between our views and those of others, especially others whom we believe are different from us. Differences may be magnified for many of us when we confront 4  MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION cultures different from our own. There are other causes of conflict such as: long standing grudges or resentment, the desire for revenge, differences in attitudes or character. Can Conflict Be Destructive? Yes. Conflict can be destructive if the following are present: (a) When the resolution of the conflict ends with a winner or a loser (b) When the individuals involved act too aggressively, when they withdraw from each other, when they withhold their feelings from each other, or when they accuse each other of causing their problems (c) When it prevents us from doing our work or feeling good about ourselves (d) When it forces us to do things that we do not want to do (e) When the outcome is more important than the relationship Of course, not all relationship breakups are the result of conflict, nor are all relationship breakups necessarily are destructive or harmful. However, when conflict results in the termination of relationships and leaves one or both of the parties feeling foolish, inadequate, or angry, then it is usually destructive. When Is Conflict Beneficial? Sometimes conflict can be good and sometimes bad. When is it appropriate to engage in conflict? It is okay to have conflicts over ideas, but to attract someone Personally for his or her ideas is not okay. Here are some benefits of conflict: (a) It can bring out problems that need to be solved. (b) It can bring people together to clarify their goals and to look for new ways to do things. (c) It can eliminate resentments and help people to understand each other. (d) It can bring creativity in solving differences. (e) It can produce acceptable solutions that allow people to live more in harmony with each other. (f) It can help people pay attention to other points of view. (g) It can bring new life into a relationship and strengthen it. 5  MODULE: OLENG01 – PURPOSIVE COMMUNICATION Constructive conflict can be frustrating and difficult as well as contentious, and it requires competent communicators who are knowledgeable, skillful, sensitive, committed and ethical in resolving differences. Repairing relationships requires cooperation and mutual agreement; both parties must want to keep the relationship together in order to solve their differences. It also requires effective interpersonal communication. Relationships are often messy, and even the most stable seem to go through various pushes and pulls, which can create tensions between partners. Conflict is inevitable in all relationships. It is caused by social factors which includes faulty communication. To help repair and possibly save relationships, competent communicators know how to use strategies and effective interpersonal communication. In a positive and supportive environment, communication between individuals usually reflects caring, openness, flexibility, warmth, animation, and receptivity. The best way to develop and maintain relationships is to invite more communication.  Sebastian, E. L. (2019). Purposive Communication (0th ed.). Mind shapers Co., Inc 6