Joseph A DeVito - The Interpersonal Communication PDF

16 Chapter 1 T his chapter introduces the study of interpersonal communication and explains why interpersonal communication is so important, examines the essential ele- ments of this unique form of communication, and d...

16 Chapter 1 T his chapter introduces the study of interpersonal communication and explains why interpersonal communication is so important, examines the essential ele- ments of this unique form of communication, and describes its major principles. The Benefits of Studying Interpersonal Communication 1.1 Identify the personal and professional benefits of studying interpersonal communication. Fair questions to ask at the beginning of this text and this course are “What will I get out of this?” and “Why should I study interpersonal communication?” One very clear answer is given by the importance of interpersonal communication: it’s a major part of human existence that every educated person needs to understand. Much as you need to understand history, science, geography, and mathematics, for example, you need to understand how people interact (how people communicate interpersonally) and how people form relationships—both face-to-face and online. On a more practical level, you’ll learn the skills that will yield both personal and professional benefits. Personal Benefits Your personal success and happiness depend largely on your effectiveness as an inter- personal communicator. Close friendships and romantic relationships are developed, maintained, and sometimes destroyed largely through your interpersonal interactions. Likewise, the success of your family relationships depends heavily on the interpersonal communication among members. For example, in a survey of 1,001 people over 18 years of age, 53 percent felt that a lack of effective communication was the major cause of marriage failure—significantly greater than money (38 percent) and in-law interference (14 percent) (How Americans Communicate, 1999). Likewise, your success in interacting with neighbors, acquaintances, and people you meet every day depends on your ability to engage in satisfying conversation—­ conversation that’s comfortable and enjoyable. Professional Benefits The ability to communicate interpersonally is widely recognized as crucial to professional success (Morreale & Pearson, 2008; Satell, 2015; Morreale, Valenzano, & Bauer, 2016). From the initial interview at a college job fair to interning, to participating in and then leading meetings, your skills at interpersonal communication will largely determine your success. Employers want graduates who can communicate orally and in writing (Berrett, 2013). This ability is even considered more important than job-specific skills, which employers feel could be learned on the job. For example, one study found that among the 23 attributes ranked as “very important” in hiring decisions, “communication and interpersonal skills,” noted by 89 percent of the recruiters, was at the top of the list. This was a far higher percentage of recruiters than the percentage who noted “con- tent of the core curriculum” (34 percent) or “overall value for the money invested in the recruiting effort” (33 percent) (Alsop, 2004). Interpersonal skills offer an important advantage for persons in finance (Messmer, 1999), play a significant role in preventing workplace violence (Parker, 2004), reduce medical mishaps and improve doctor–patient communication (Smith, 2004; Sutcliffe, Lewton, & Rosenthal, 2004), are one of six areas that define the professional competence of physicians and trainees (Epstein & Hundert, 2002), and contribute greatly to maintaining diversity in the workplace, team build- ing, and employee morale (Johnson, 2017). In a survey of employers who were asked what colleges should place more emphasis on, 89 percent identified “the ability to effectively communicate orally and in writing” as the highest of any skill listed (Hart  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 17 Research Associates, 2010). And in that same survey, the largest number of employers (84 percent), when asked what would prepare college students for success, identified “communication skills.” In still another survey of women and leadership, the ability to communicate and to build relationships—the essential of interpersonal communica- tion—were noted among the competencies exemplified by top leaders (­ Goleman, 2013b). The importance of interpersonal communication skills extends over the entire spectrum of professions. Clearly, interpersonal skills are vital to both personal and professional success. Understanding the theory and research in interpersonal communication and master- ing its skills go hand in hand (Greene & Burleson, 2003). The more you know about interpersonal communication, the more insight and knowledge you’ll gain about what works and what doesn’t work. The more skills you have within your arsenal of com- munication strategies, the greater your choices for communicating in any situation. Put differently, the greater your knowledge and the greater the number of communication choices at your disposal, the greater the likelihood that you’ll be successful in achiev- ing your interpersonal goals. You might look at this text and this course as aiming to enlarge your interpersonal communication choices and give you a greater number of options for communicating effectively than you had before this exposure to the study of interpersonal communication. Because of the importance of choice—after all, your interpersonal messages and relationships are the result of the choices you make in any given situation—you’ll find boxes labelled Interpersonal Choice Point throughout the text. Choice points are sim- ply moments when you need to make a choice, a decision, about your interpersonal ­communication—for example, about whom you communicate with, what you say, what you don’t say, how you phrase what you want to say, the photos you want to post and those you don’t, and so on. Some of the questions about choices will prove easy to answer while others will prove to be more difficult. This variation in difficulty mirrors real-life interpersonal communication; getting your meanings and feelings across is easy sometimes and very difficult at others. Let’s look first at the easy-difficult dimension and then at a choice point. Consider the following situations and rate them on a continuum from easy to difficult (use 1 for extremely easy and 5 for extremely difficult). ____ 1. Impressing a recruiter at a job fair. ____ 2. Asking a work supervisor to be friends on Facebook. ____ 3. Breaking up a two-year romantic relationship because you’ve fallen out of love with your partner. ____ 4. Responding to a compliment about the way you dress. ____ 5. Reconnecting with a long-lost friend by phone. ____ 6. Voicing an opinion about religion in class that is contrary to the opinions of all others in the class. ____ 7. Crying at a movie you’re attending with three or four same-sex friends. ____ 8. Asking a relative to lie for you so you can get out of a family gathering. ____ 9. Introducing yourself to a group of people who are culturally very different from you. ____ 10. Asking an instructor for an extension on your term paper. ____ 11. Making small talk with someone you don’t know in an elevator. ____ 12. Meeting someone face-to-face with whom you’ve interacted romantically online. If you have the opportunity to compare your continuum with those of others, you’ll probably find both similarities and differences. Reflecting on the easy-to-difficult interper- sonal interactions will help you identify the skills you’d want to acquire or enhance as you make your varied interpersonal choices. Take a look at the first Interpersonal Choice Point which also explains the feature’s purpose and format. 18 Chapter 1 The Elements of Interpersonal INTERPERSONAL CHOICE POINT Communicating an Image Communication 1.2 Define interpersonal communication and its essential The Interpersonal Choice Point feature is designed elements including source–receiver, messages, channels, noise, to help you apply the text material to real-life situa- context, effects, and ethics. tions by first considering your available choices and Although this entire text is, in a sense, a definition of interper- then making a communication decision. For each sonal communication, a working definition is useful at the start. choice point, try to identify, as specifically as pos- sible, the advantages and disadvantages of your avail- Interpersonal communication is the verbal and nonverbal interaction able choices. Of all your choices, ask yourself which between two (or sometimes more than two) interdependent people. This response is likely to work best for you. relatively simple definition implies a variety of elements which You’re taking a course in interpersonal commu- we discuss in this section. But, first, let’s look at some of the myths nication at a new college and you want to be liked by about interpersonal communication that can get in the way of a your fellow students. What might you do to appear meaningful understanding and mastery of this area. likeable and be accepted as an approachable per- son? What would you be sure to avoid doing? Examine your beliefs about interpersonal communication by respond- a. Smile and make eye contact. ing to the following questions with T if you believe the statement is usually true or F if you believe the statement is usually false. b. Compliment others frequently even for no reason. ____ 1. Good communicators are born, not made. c. Dress a level above the average student. ____ 2. The more you communicate, the better you will be at it. d. Speak in class—regularly asking and answering ____ 3. In your interpersonal communication, a good guide to questions. follow is to be as open, empathic, and supportive as you e. Other can be. ____ 4. When communicating with people from other cultures, it’s best to ignore the differ­ences and treat the other person just as you’d treat members of your own culture. ____ 5. Fear of meeting new people is detrimental and must be eliminated. ____ 6. When there is conflict, your relationship is in trouble. As you probably figured out, all six statements are generally false. As you read this text, you’ll discover not only why these beliefs are false but also the trouble you can get into when you assume they’re true. For now, and in brief, here are some of the reasons each of the statements is generally false: 1. Effective communication is a learned skill; although some people are born brighter or more extroverted, everyone can improve their abilities and become more effective communicators. 2. It’s not the amount of communication people engage in but the quality that matters; if you practice bad habits, you’re more likely to grow less effective than more effective, so it’s important to learn and follow the principles of effectiveness (Greene, 2003; Greene & Burleson, 2003). 3. Each interpersonal situation is unique, and therefore the type of communication appro- priate in one situation may not be appropriate in another. 4. This assumption will probably get you into considerable trouble because people from different cultures often attribute different meanings to a message; members of differ- ent cultures also follow different rules for what is and is not appropriate in interpersonal communication. 5. Many people are nervous meeting new people, especially if these are people in author- ity; managing, not eliminating, the fear will enable you to become effective regardless of your current level of fear. 6. All meaningful relationships experience conflict; relationships are not in trouble when there is conflict, though dealing with conflict ineffectively can often damage the relationship.  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 19 The model presented in Figure 1.1 is designed to reflect the circular nature of interpersonal com- munication; both persons send messages simul- taneously rather than in a linear sequence, where communication goes from Person 1 to Person 2 to Person 1 to Person 2 and on and on. Each of the concepts identified in the model and discussed here may be thought of as a uni- versal of interpersonal communication in that it is present in all interpersonal interactions: (1) source–receiver (including competence, encoding–­decoding, and code-switching), (2) messages (and the metamessages of feedback and feedforward), (3) channels, (4) noise, (5) contexts, (6) effects, and (7) ethics (though not indicated in the diagram), is an overriding consideration in all interpersonal communication. VIEWPOINTS Interpersonal Metaphors Source–Receiver Metaphors—figures of speech in which two unlike things Interpersonal communication involves at least two people. Each individual performs are compared—are useful for source functions (formulates and sends messages) and also performs receiver functions providing different perspectives on (perceives and comprehends messages). The term source–receiver emphasizes that both interpersonal communication; they help you to look at interpersonal communication from different Figure 1.1 A Model of Interpersonal Communication perspectives and help highlight After you read the section on the elements of interpersonal communication, you may wish to construct different aspects of the interpersonal your own model of the process. In constructing this model, be careful that you don’t fall into the trap of process. How would you explain visualizing interpersonal communication as a linear or simple left-to-right, static process. Remember interpersonal communication in terms that all elements are interrelated and interdependent. After completing your model, consider, for of metaphors such as a seesaw, a ball example: (1) Could your model also serve as a model of intrapersonal communication (communication game, a television sitcom, a recliner, the weather, an opera, a good book, or a tug with oneself)? Is the model applicable to both face-to-face and online communication? (2) What of war? elements or concepts other than those noted here might be added to the model? Messages Context Feedback Channels [Feedforward] Source/ Source/ Receiver Receiver Effects Noise Effects Encoding/ Encoding/ Decoding Decoding [Feedforward] Channels Feedback Messages 20 Chapter 1 functions are performed by each individual in interpersonal communication. This, of course, does not mean that people serve these functions equally. As you’ve no doubt witnessed, some people are (primarily) talkers and some people are (primarily) listen- ers. And some people talk largely about themselves and others participate more in the give and take of communication. In an interesting analysis of Twitter messages, two major types of users were identified (Bersin, 2013; Dean, 2010a): Informers were those who shared information and also replied to others; these made up about 20 percent. Meformers were those who mainly gave out information about themselves; these made up about 80 percent. Who you are, what you know, what you believe, what you value, what you want, what you have been told, and what your attitudes are all influence what you say, how you say it, what messages you receive, and how you receive them. Likewise, the person you’re speaking to and the knowledge that you think that person has greatly influences your interpersonal messages (Lau, Chiu, & Hong, 2001). Each person is unique; each person’s communications are unique. To complicate matters just a bit, we need to recognize that although interpersonal communication may take place between two close friends, for example, there is gener- ally what might be called a remote audience. For example, you update your status on ­Facebook for your friends (your intended audience) to see. This is your intended audience and the audience to whom you’re directing your message. But, it’s likely (even probable) that your prospective employers will also see this as will others who may receive it from a member of your intended audience. These are your remote audiences. The important practical implication is to be aware of both your audiences and know that the dividing line between your intended and your remote audiences is getting thinner every day. Interpersonal Competence Your ability to communicate effectively (as source and receiver) is your interpersonal competence (Spitzberg & Cupach, 1989; Wilson & Sabee, 2003). Your competence includes, for example, the knowledge that, in certain contexts and with certain listeners, one topic is appropriate and another isn’t. Your knowledge about the rules of nonverbal behavior—for example, the appropriateness of touching, vocal volume, and physical closeness—is also part of your competence. In short, inter- personal competence includes knowing how to adjust your communication according to the context of the interaction, the person with whom you’re interacting, and a host of other factors discussed throughout this text. You learn communication competence much as you learn to eat with a knife and fork— by observing others, by explicit instruction, and by trial and error. Some individuals learn better than others, though, and these are generally the people with whom you find it inter- esting and comfortable to talk. They seem to know what to say and how and when to say it. A positive relationship exists between interpersonal competence on the one hand and success in college and job satisfaction on the other (Rubin & Graham, 1988; Wertz, Sorenson, & Heeren, 1988). So much of college and professional life depends on inter- personal competence—meeting and interacting with other students, teachers, or col- leagues; asking and answering questions; presenting information or argument—that you should not find this connection surprising. Interpersonal competence also enables you to develop and maintain meaningful relationships in friendship, love, family, and work. Such relationships, in turn, contribute to the lower levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness observed in interpersonally competent people (Spitzberg & Cupach, 1989). Encoding–Decoding Encoding refers to the act of producing messages—for example, speaking or writing. Decoding is the reverse and refers to the act of understanding messages—for example, listening or reading. By sending your ideas via sound waves (in the case of speech) or light waves (in the case of writing), you’re putting these ideas into a code, hence encoding. By translating sound or light waves into ideas, you’re tak- ing them out of a code, hence decoding. Thus, speakers and writers are called encoders,  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 21 and listeners and readers are called decod- ers. The term e­ncoding–­decoding is used to emphasize that the two activities are performed in combination by each par- ticipant. For interpersonal communica- tion to occur, messages must be encoded and decoded. For example, when a parent talks to a child whose eyes are closed and whose ears are covered by stereo head- phones, interpersonal communication does not occur because the messages sent are not being received. Code-Switching Technically, code switching refers to using more than one language in a conversation, often in the same sentence (Bullock & Toribio, 2012; ­Thompson, 2013; Esen, 2016). And so a native Spanish speaker might speak most VIEWPOINTS of a sentence in English and then insert a Spanish term or phrase. More popularly, On-Screen Competence however, code-switching refers to using different language styles depending on the What characters in television sitcoms situation. For example, you probably talk differently to a child than to an adult—in or dramas do you think demonstrate superior interpersonal competence? the topics you talk about and in the language you use. Similarly, when you text or What characters demonstrate obvious tweet, you use a specialized language consisting of lots of abbreviations and acronyms interpersonal incompetence? What that you discard when you write a college term paper or when you’re interviewing specifically do they say or do—or for a job. don’t say or don’t do—that leads you to judge them as being or not being The ability to code-switch serves at least two very important purposes. First, it interpersonally competent? identifies you as one of the group; you are not an outsider. It’s a way of bonding with the group. Second, it often helps in terms of making your meaning clearer; some things seem better expressed in one language or code than in another. Code switching can create problems, however. When used to ingratiate yourself or make yourself seem one of the group when you really aren’t—and that attempt is obvious to the group members—code switching is likely to work against you. You risk being seen as an interloper, as one who tries to gain entrance to a group to which one really doesn’t belong. The other case where code switching creates problems is when you use the code appropriate to one type of communication in another where it isn’t appropriate, for example, when you use your Facebook or Twitter grammar during a job interview. Communication competence, then, involves the ability to code-switch when it’s appropriate—when it makes your message clearer and when it’s genuine. Messages Messages are signals that serve as stimuli for a receiver and are received by one of our senses—auditory (hearing), visual (seeing), tactile (touching), olfactory (smelling), gustatory (tasting), or any combination of these senses. You communicate interperson- ally by gesture and touch as well as by words and sentences. The clothes you wear communicate to others and, in fact, to yourself as well. The way you walk communi- cates, as does the way you shake hands, tilt your head, comb your hair, sit, smile, or frown. Similarly, the colors and types of cell phones, the wallpaper and screen savers on your computer, and even the type and power of your computer communicate mes- sages about you. The photo and background theme you choose for your Twitter page reveals something about yourself beyond what your actual tweets reveal. Tweeters with the generic white bird photo and standard background communicate something quite different from the Tweeters who customize their pages with clever photos, original backgrounds, and sidebars. The same is true of Facebook pages. All of these signals are your interpersonal communication messages. 22 Chapter 1 Interpersonal communication can take place by phone, through prison cell walls, through webcams, or face-to-face. Increasingly, it’s taking place through computers, through Facebook and Twitter. Some of these messages are exchanged in real time. This is synchronous communication; the messages are sent and received at the same time, as in face-to-face and phone messages. Other messages do not take place in real time. This is asynchronous communication; the messages are sent at one time and received at another and perhaps responded to at still another time. For example, you might poke someone on Facebook today, but that person may not see it until tomorrow and may not poke you back until the next day. Similarly, you might find a tweet or a blog post today that was actually written weeks or even years ago. Messages may be intentional or unintentional. They may result from the most care- fully planned strategy as well as from the unintentional slip of the tongue, lingering body odor, or nervous twitch. Messages may refer to the world, people, and events as well as to other messages (DeVito, 2003a). Messages that are about other messages are called metamessages and represent many of your everyday communications; they include, for example, “Do you under- stand?,” “Did I say that right?,” “What did you say?,” “Is it fair to say that... ?,” “I want to be honest,” “That’s not logical.” Two particularly important types of metames- sages are ­feedback and feedforward. Feedback Messages Throughout the interpersonal communication process, you exchange feedback—messages sent back to the speaker concerning reactions to what is said (Sutton, Hornsey, & Douglas, 2012). Feedback tells the speaker what effect she or VIEWPOINTS he is having on listeners. On the basis of this feedback, the speaker may adjust, modify, Feedback and Relationships strengthen, deemphasize, or change the content or form of the messages. If we were to develop a feedback theory of relationships, it would Feedback may come from yourself or from others. When you send a message—say, hold that satisfying friendships, in speaking to another person—you also hear yourself. That is, you get feedback from romantic relationships, or workplace your own messages: You hear what you say, you feel the way you move, you see what relationships may be characterized you write. In addition to this self-feedback, you get feedback from others. This feedback by feedback that is positive, can take many forms. A frown or a smile, a yea or a nay, a pat on the back or a punch person-focused, immediate, low in monitoring (not self-censored), and in the mouth are all types of feedback. supportive—and that unsatisfying Feedback, of course, has significant effects on the receiver. For example, in one relationships are characterized study, positive feedback on social networking sites, complimenting, say, the photo or by feedback that is negative, self- profile, enhanced self-esteem and the sense of well-being whereas negative feedback focused, non-immediate, high in monitoring, and critical. How (criticism, for example) resulted in a decrease in self-esteem and well-being (Valken- effective is this “theory” in explaining burg, Peter, & Schouten, 2006). the relationships with which you’re Sometimes feedback is easy to identify, familiar? but sometimes it isn’t (Skinner, 2002). Part of the art of effective communication is to discern feedback and adjust your messages on the basis of that feedback. Feedforward Messages Feedforward is information you provide before sending your primary message (Richards, 1968). Feedforward reveals something about the message to come. Examples of feedforward include the preface or table of contents of a book, the opening paragraph of a chapter or post, movie previews, magazine covers, e-mail subject headings, and introductions in public speeches. Feedforward may serve a variety of functions. For example, you might use feedforward to express your wish to chat a bit, saying something like “Hey, I haven’t  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 23 seen you the entire week; what’s been going on?” Or you might give a brief preview of your main message by saying something like “You’d better sit down for this; you’re going to be shocked.” Or you might ask ­others to hear you out before they judge you. Channel The communication channel is the medium through which messages pass. It’s a kind of bridge connecting source and receiver. Communication rarely takes place over only one channel; two, three, or four channels are often used simultaneously. For example, in face-to-face interaction, you speak and listen (vocal–auditory channel), but you also gesture and receive signals visually (gestural–visual channel), and you emit odors and smell those of others (chemical–olfactory channel). Often you communicate through touch (cutaneous–tactile channel). When you communicate online, you often send photo, audio, or video files in the same message or links to additional files and sites. In most situations, a variety of channels are involved. Another way to think about channels is to consider them as the means of com- munication: for example, face-to-face contact, telephone, e-mail and snail mail, Twitter, instant messaging, news postings, Facebook, film, television, radio, smoke signals, or fax—to name only some. Note that the channel imposes different restrictions on your message construction. For example, in e-mail you can pause to think of the right word or phrase, you can go on for as short or as long a time as you want without any threat of interruption or contradiction, and you can edit your message with ease. In face-to-face communica- tion, your pauses need to be relatively short. You don’t have the time to select just the right word or to edit, though we do edit a bit when we review what we said and put it in different words. In this text, face-to-face communication and online/social media communication are integrated for a number of important reasons: 1. It’s the way we communicate today. We interact face-to-face and online. Some interac- tions are likely exclusively face-to-face, while others are exclusively online. Increasingly, our interactions are with people with whom we communicate both online and offline. 2. Online and offline communication are related. The research and theory discussed here on face-to-face and on online communication inform each other. Most of the interpersonal theories discussed here were developed for face-to-face interaction but have much to say about online relationships as well. 3. Employers expect employees to have both offline and online communication skill sets. The ability to communicate orally and in writing (both online and offline) is consistently ranked among the most important qualities employers are looking for in new employees. For example, your employability will depend, in great part, on how effectively you communicate in your e-mails, in your phone conferences, in your Skype interviews, and in your in- person interviews. INTERPERSONAL CHOICE POINT 4. Both forms of communication are vital to current-day com- Channels munication. We increasingly develop, and maintain, rela- tionships online with many of them moving to face-to-face Your teacher’s wife has passed away after a sudden interactions if the online interaction proves satisfying. And heart attack. How will you express your condolences? increasingly, relationships are dissolved through email and a. Send him a text message. Facebook and Twitter posts. b. Phone him. Throughout this text, face-to-face and online communica- c. Visit his house. tion are discussed, compared, and contrasted. Table 1.1 presents d. Pat his hand and look sympathetic. a brief summary of some communication c­ oncepts and some of e. Other the ways in which these two forms of communication are similar and different. 24 Chapter 1 Table 1.1 Face-to-Face and Online Communication Face-to-Face Communication Online Communication Sender Presentation of self and Personal characteristics (sex, approximate age, Personal characteristics are hidden and are impression management race, etc.) are open to visual inspection; receiver controls revealed when you want to reveal them; ano- the order of what is attended to; disguise is difficult. nymity is easy. Speaking turn You compete for the speaker’s turn and time with It’s always your turn; speaker time is unlimited; the other person(s); you can be interrupted. you can’t be interrupted. Receiver Number One or a few who are in your visual field. Virtually unlimited. Opportunity for interaction Limited to those who have the opportunity to meet; often Unlimited. difficult to find people who share your interests. Third parties Messages can be overheard by or repeated to third Messages can be retrieved by others or for- parties but not with complete accuracy. warded verbatim to a third party or to thousands. Impression formation Impressions are based on the verbal and nonverbal cues Impressions are based on text messages and the receiver perceives. posted photos and videos. Context Physical Essentially the same physical space. Can be in the next cubicle or separated by miles. Temporal Communication is synchronous; messages Communication may be synchronous (as in chat are exchanged at the same (real) time. rooms) or asynchronous (where messages are exchanged at different times, as in e-mail). Channel All senses participate in sending and receiving messages. Visual (for text, photos, and videos) and auditory. Message Verbal and nonverbal Words, gestures, eye contact, accent, vocal cues, Words, photos, videos, and audio messages. spatial relationships, touching, clothing, hair, etc. Permanence Temporary unless recorded; speech signals fade rapidly. Messages are relatively permanent. Noise Technically, noise is anything that distorts a message—anything that prevents the receiver from receiving the message as the sender sent it. At one extreme, noise may prevent a message from getting from source to receiver. A roaring noise or line static can easily prevent entire messages from getting through to your receiver. At the other extreme, with virtually no noise interference, the message of the source and the message received are almost identical. Most often, however, noise distorts some portion of the message a source sends as it travels to a receiver. Four types of noise (physical noise, physiological noise, psychological noise, and semantic noise) are especially relevant and will help you identify sources of noise you’d want to lessen. Physical noise is interference that is external to both speaker and listener; it impedes the physical transmission of the signal or message. Examples include the screeching of passing cars, the hum of a computer, sunglasses, extraneous mes- sages, illegible handwriting, blurred type or fonts that are too small or difficult to read, misspellings and poor grammar, and pop-up ads. Still another type of physi- cal noise is extraneous information that makes what you want to find more difficult, for example, spam or too many photos on Facebook. Physiological noise is created by barriers within the sender or receiver, such as visual impairments, hearing loss, articulation problems, and memory loss. Psychological noise is mental interference in the speaker or listener and includes preconceived ideas, wandering thoughts, biases and prejudices, closed-mindedness, and extreme emotionalism. You’re likely to run into psychological noise when you talk with someone who is closed-minded or who refuses to listen to anything he or she doesn’t already believe.  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 25 Semantic noise is interference that occurs when the speaker and listener have different meaning systems; examples include language or dialectical differences, the use of jargon or overly complex terms, and ambiguous or overly abstract terms whose meanings can be easily misinterpreted. You see this type of noise regularly in the medical doctor who uses ­“medicalese” without explanation or in the insurance sales- person who speaks in the jargon of the insurance industry. A useful concept in understanding noise and its impor- tance in communication is signal-to-noise ratio. Signal refers to information that you find useful; noise refers to information that is useless (to you). For example, a blog post that contains lots of useful information would be high on signal and low on VIEWPOINTS noise; messages that contain lots of useless information are high on noise and low on Signal and Noise Online signal. Spam, pop-ups, and advertisements for products you’re not interested in are good Social media users are advised to examples. When you do an online search for information, the advertisements and the be brief in their profiles and even in irrelevant sites are noise; the information you’re looking for is the signal. responding (Conniff & Nicks, 2014). All communications contain noise. Noise cannot be totally eliminated, but its effects Similarly, recruiters find that too can be reduced. Making your language more precise, sharpening your skills for sending much information on, say, Facebook, detracts from the candidate’s résumé and receiving nonverbal messages, and improving your listening and feedback skills (Bersin, 2013). How would you explain are some ways to combat the influence of noise. this in terms of signal and noise? Context Communication always takes place in a context or environment that influences the form and content of your messages. At times this context isn’t obvious or intrusive; it seems so natural that it’s ignored—like background music. At other times the context dominates, and the ways in which it restricts or stimulates your messages are obvious. Compare, for example, the differences among communicating in a funeral home, foot- ball stadium, formal restaurant, and a rock concert. The context of communication has at least four dimensions, all of which interact with and influence each other. Physical Dimension The physical dimension is the tangible or concrete environment in which communication takes place—the room, hallway, or park; the boardroom; or the family dinner table. The size of the space, its temperature, and the number of people pres- ent in the physical space are also part of the physical dimension. In print media, such as magazines or newspapers, context includes the positioning of stories and news articles; an article on page 37 is identified as less important than an article on page 1 or 2. Twit- ter’s restriction of messages to 140 characters or fewer is an especially good example of the physical dimension influencing the message; Twitter requires you to abbreviate your message, while having coffee at Starbucks seems to encourage the opposite. Temporal Dimension The temporal dimension has to do not only with the time of day and moment in history but also with where a particular message fits into the sequence of com- munication events. For example, a joke about illness told immediately after the disclosure of a friend’s sickness will be received differently than the same joke told in response to a series of similar jokes. Also, some channels (for example, face-to-face, chat rooms, and instant messaging) allow for synchronous communication in which messages are sent and received simultaneously. Other channels (for example, letter writing, e-mail, and social networking postings) are asynchronous; messages are sent and received at different times. Social–Psychological Dimension The social–psychological dimension includes, for exam- ple, status relationships among the participants; roles and games that people play; norms of the society or group; and the friendliness, formality, or gravity of the situation. Social networks such as Facebook are informal and largely for fun communication; LinkedIn and Plaxo, on the other hand, are primarily for serious, business-oriented communication. 26 Chapter 1 THE CULTURAL MAP Because of the importance of culture in all aspects of interpersonal communication, we return to culture and especially cultural differ- ences in “The Cultural Map” feature. Consider these as reminders of the tremendous influence of culture on all aspects of interpersonal communication. #4%6+%1%'#0 0146* '7412' #/'4+%# #5+# #6.#06+% 1%'#0 2#%+(+% 2#%+(+% 1%'#0 #(4+%# 1%'#0 5176* #/'4+%# +0&+#0 1%'#0 #6.#06+% #7564#.+# 1%'#0 Cultural Dimension The cultural context includes the cultural beliefs and c­ ustoms of the people communicating. When you interact with people from different cultures, you may each follow different rules of communication. This can result in confusion, uninten- tional insult, inaccurate judgments, and a host of other miscommunications. Similarly, communication strategies or techniques that prove satisfying to members of one culture may prove disturbing or offensive to members of another. In fact, research shows that you lose more information in an intercultural situation (approximately 50 percent) than in an intracultural situation (approximately 25 percent) (Li, 1999). Effects Interpersonal communication always has some effect on one or more persons involved in the communication act. For every interpersonal interaction, there is some conse- quence, some effect. Generally, three types of effects are distinguished. Cognitive effects Cognitive effects are changes in your thinking. When you acquire information from a friend’s Facebook post about the time of the concert, for exam- ple, the effect is largely intellectual. Affective effects Affective effects are changes in your attitudes, values, beliefs, and emotions. Thus, when you become frightened hearing about the increase in gun violence, its effect is largely affective. Similarly, after a great experience with, say, a person of another culture, your feelings about that culture may change. Again, the effect is largely affective (but perhaps also intellectual). Behavioral effects Behavioral effects are changes in behaviors such as, for example, learning new dance movements, to throw a curve ball, to paint a room, or to use dif- ferent verbal and nonverbal behaviors.  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 27 These effects are not separate; rather, they interact. In many cases, a single ­ essage—say, a conversation on homelessness—may inform you (intellectual effect), m move you to feel differently (affective effect), and lead you to be more generous when you come upon a homeless person (behavioral effect). In addition to effects on others, your interpersonal communications also have effects on you. Part of this effect is from your self-evaluation; you might smile after posting a really clever comment or feel bad after criticizing a friend. In addi- tion, however, the reactions of others will have effects on you. For example, your clever comment may be retweeted 30 or 40 times (which is likely to have effects on your self-esteem and perhaps on your future tweeting) and your criticism of your friend may result in a broken relationship (which will have affective and behavioral effects). Ethics Largely because interpersonal communication has effects on others, it also involves questions of ethics, the study of good and bad, of right and wrong, of moral and immoral. Ethics is concerned with actions, with behaviors; it’s concerned with distin- guishing between behaviors that are moral (ethical, good, and right) and those that are immoral (unethical, bad, and wrong). There’s an ethical dimension to any interpersonal communication act (Neher & Sandin, 2007; Bok, 1978). Consider some of the popular beliefs about ethics, perhaps one or more of which you hold personally. For each of the following statements, place a T (for true) if you feel the statement accurately explains what ethical behavior is and an F (for false) if you feel the statement does not accurately explain what ethical behavior is. ____ 1. My behavior is ethical when I feel (in my heart) that I’m doing the right thing. ____ 2. My behavior is ethical when it is consistent with my religious beliefs. ____ 3. My behavior is ethical when it is legal. ____ 4. My behavior is ethical when the majority of reasonable people would consider it ethical. ____ 5. My behavior is ethical when the effect of the behavior benefits more people than it harms. These statements are based on responses given to the question, “What does e­ thics mean to you?” discussed on the website of the Santa Clara University’s Markkula ­Center for Applied Ethics. The following “answers” are intended to stimulate discussion and the forma- tion of your own ethical code for interpersonal communication; they are not “answers” in the traditional sense. All five of these statements are (generally) false; none of them state a useful explanation of what is and what is not ethical. Statement 1 is false simply because people often do unethical things they feel are morally justified. Jack the Ripper killing prostitutes is a good historical example, but there are many current ones such as stalking (I’m so in love I need to be with this person.) or insurances scams (My family needs the money more than the insurance company.). Even though Jack, the stalker, and the scam artist may feel justified in their own minds, it doesn’t make their behavior moral or ethical. Statement 2 must be false when you realize that different religions advocate very different kinds of behavior, often behaviors that contradict one another. Examples abound in almost every issue of a daily newspaper. Statement 3 must be false when you realize so much discrimination against certain people is perfectly legal in many parts of the world, and, in many countries, war (even “preemp- tive” war) is legal. Statement 4 is false because the thinking of the majority changes with the times and has often proven to be extremely immoral. The burning of people supposed to be witches or of those who spoke out against majority opinion (as in the Inquisition) are good examples. 28 Chapter 1 Statement 5 comes the closest to being possibly and sometimes true, but it’s more gener- ally false. The reason it’s more false than true is that the burning of witches, for example, was in the interest of the majority, as was slavery and discrimination against gay men and lesbians, certain religions, or different races. But despite this majority interest, we’d readily recognize these actions as immoral. So, when is behavior ethical, and when is it unethical? Lots of people have come up with lots of theories. If you take an objective view, you’d claim that the ethical nature of an act—any act—depends on standards that apply to all people in all situations at all times. If lying, advertising falsely, using illegally obtained evidence, and revealing secrets, for example, are considered unethical, then they’d be considered unethical regardless of the cir- cumstances surrounding them or of the values and beliefs of the culture in which they occur. If you take a subjective view, you’d claim that the morality of an act depends on a spe- cific culture’s values and beliefs as well as on the particular circumstances. Thus, from a subjective position, you would claim that the end might justify the means—a good result can justify the use of unethical means to achieve that result. You would further argue that lying is wrong to win votes or to sell cigarettes but that lying can be ethical if the end result is positive (such as trying to make someone who is unattractive feel better by telling them they look great or telling a critically ill person that they’ll feel better soon). In addition to this introductory discussion, ethical dimensions of interpersonal com- munication are presented in each chapter in Ethics in Interpersonal Communication boxes. ETHICS IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION Ethical Standards Each field of study defines what is not ethical to its concerns. Here are just a few to highlight some ­communication-oriented codes: The National Communication Association Ethical Credo Blogger’s Ethics The Twitter Rules Online Journalism Radio-Television News Directors Association and Foundation Code of Ethics and Professional Conduct Ethical Choice Point You’ll also find it interesting to look up the code of ethics for the profession you’re in or planning on entering. Before you do so, however, think about what you consider ethical communication. What ethical standards do you follow in your own communication (online and face-to-face)? What ethical principles do you, even if only rarely, violate? Table 1.2 presents a brief summary of the essential elements of interpersonal communication. Table 1.2 In a Nutshell The Elements of Interpersonal Communication Elements Meaning Source–receiver The sender–receiver, the person who both sends and receives messages during communication. Messages The verbal and nonverbal signals that are sent by the source/encoder and received by the receiver/decoder. Channels The media through which the signals are sent. Noise Disturbances that interfere with the receiver receiving the message sent by the source. Context The physical, social-psychological, temporal, and cultural environment in which the ­communication takes place. Effects Interpersonal communication can have cognitive, affective, and behavioral effects on others and on yourself. Ethics The morality, the rightness-wrongness aspect of communication behavior.  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 29 UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL SKILLS Mindfulness: A State of Mental Awareness Mindfulness is a state of mental awareness; in a mind- can help you challenge long-held but now inappropri- ful state, you’re conscious of your reasons for thinking or ate beliefs and attitudes. Be willing to see your own and communicating in a particular way. You’re conscious of others’ behaviors from a variety of viewpoints, espe- the uniqueness of the situation and of the many choices cially from the perspective of people very different from you have for interacting (Beard, 2014). And, especially yourself. important in interpersonal communication, you become Beware of relying too heavily on first impressions aware of your choices. You act with an awareness of your (Langer, 1989; Beard, 2014). Treat your first impressions available choices. as tentative—as hypotheses that need further investiga- Its opposite, mindlessness, is a lack of conscious aware- tion. Be prepared to revise, reject, or accept these initial ness of your thinking or communicating (Langer, 1989). To apply impressions. interpersonal skills appropriately and effectively, you need to Be aware of possible misinterpretations in the mes- be mindful of the unique communication situation you’re in, of sage. Make sure it’s interpreted correctly. For example, you your available communication options or choices, and of the can paraphrase or restate the message in different ways or reasons why one option is likely to prove better than the oth- you can ask the person to paraphrase. ers. You can look at this text and this course in interpersonal Become conscious of unproductive communication communication as a means of awakening your mindfulness patterns. For example, in a conflict situation, one com- about the way you engage in interpersonal communication. mon pattern is that each person brings up past relation- After you complete this course and this text, you should be ship injustices. If you notice this happening, stop and much more mindful about all your interpersonal interactions ask yourself if this pattern is productive. If not, consider (Carson, Carson, Gil, & Baucom, 2004; Sagula & Rice, 2004). what you can do to change it. For example, in this conflict In addition, mindfulness has been found to improve scores example, you can refuse to respond in kind and thereby on verbal reasoning texts, increase short-term memory, and break the cycle. decrease mind wandering (Mrazek, ­Franklin, Phillip, Baird, & Remind yourself of the uniqueness of this commu- Schooler, 2013). It has also been found to reduce depres- nication situation. Consider how you can best adapt sion in adolescents (Raes, Griffith, Van der Gucht, & Williams, your messages to this unique situation. For example, 2013). you may want to be especially positive to a friend who is None of this is to argue that you should be mindful always depressed but not so positive to someone who betrayed and everywhere. Certainly, there are times when mind wan- a confidence. dering may help you develop a great idea (Hurley, 2014). But, Identify and evaluate your communication choices. generally, it’s mindfulness that needs to be practiced. Especially in delicate situations (for example, when express- ing anger or communicating commitment messages), it’s wise to pause, think over the situation mindfully, and identify Communicating with Mindfulness and evaluate your choices (DeVito, 2003b). To increase mindfulness in general, try the following sugges- tions (Langer, 1989; Burgoon, Berger, & Waldron, 2000): Working with Mindfulness Create and re-create categories. Learn to see objects, As you think about mindfulness, reflect on your own ten- events, and people as belonging to a wide variety of cat- dencies to communicate mindlessly and mindfully. Do you egories. Try to see, for example, your prospective roman- regularly examine your choices before you send your mes- tic partner in a variety of roles—child, parent, employee, sage? In which situations are you more apt to communicate neighbor, friend, financial contributor, and so on. Avoid mindlessly? For example, when compared to face-to-face storing in memory an image of a person with only one spe- communication, are you more or less mindful when commu- cific label; if you do, you’ll find it difficult to re-categorize nicating on Facebook, Twitter, or other social network sites? the person later. If there is a difference, why do you suppose it exists? Do you Be open to new information and points of view, communicate mindfully with certain people and mindlessly even when these contradict your most firmly held ste- with others? reotypes. New information forces you to reconsider what might be outmoded ways of thinking. New information 30 Chapter 1 The Principles of Interpersonal Communication 1.3 Paraphrase the principles of interpersonal communication. Now that the nature of interpersonal communication and its elements are clear, we can explore some of the more specific axioms or principles that are common to all or most interpersonal encounters. These principles are the work of a wide variety of researchers (Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967; Watzlawick, 1977, 1978; Watzlawick, Weakland, & Fisch, 2011). Interpersonal Communication Exists on a Continuum Interpersonal communication exists along a continuum that ranges from relatively impersonal to highly personal (Miller, 1978, 1990). At the impersonal end of the spec- trum, you have simple conversation between people who really don’t know each other—the server and the customer, for example. At the highly personal end is the communication that takes place between people who are intimately interconnected—a father and son, two longtime lovers, or best friends, for example. A few characteristics distinguish the impersonal from the personal forms of communication. Social role versus personal information. Notice that, in the impersonal example, the individuals are likely to respond to each other according to the roles they are currently playing; the server treats the customer not as a unique individual but as one of many customers. And the customer, in turn, acts toward the server not as a unique indi- vidual but as he or she would act with any server. The father and the son, however, react to each other as unique individuals. They act on the basis of personal information. Societal versus personal rules. Notice too that the server and the customer inter- act according to the rules of society governing the server–customer interaction. The father and the son, on the other hand, interact on the basis of personally established rules. The way they address each other, their touching behavior, and their degree of physical closeness, for example, are unique to them and are established by them rather than by society. Social versus personal messages. Still another difference is found in the messages exchanged. The messages that the server and customer exchange, for example, are themselves impersonal; there is little personal information exchanged and there is little emotional content in the messages they exchange. In the father–son example, however, the messages may run the entire range and may at times be highly personal, with lots of personal information and lots of emotion. Figure 1.2 depicts one possible interpersonal continuum. Figure 1.2 An Interpersonal Continuum Here is one possible interpersonal continuum. Other people would position the relationships differently. What would your interpersonal continuum look like? Try constructing one for both your face-to-face and online relationships. WR PV O G JKNF FU QTM U TQ VKO FE KGP VY ENG PV NKG C I PV TU VKG FE IT PI CP HT PG WP %Q DQ RC CP UVC.Q VU GUV KCN PVU 0 TC CIG GTQ T IJ PF PV T+P VQ G KVV IG TG F UQ CW P 0 NH IW F+P & GUV 6Y UUG XG TGP 4G YGT CPF GT 2C CP HC PF O C G Q UC E CN Q R UW NNG PM P U NNQ GT VQ TU KG TKG G %N DGT GY (Q TKX EWU %C EQ.K / UP FU M P J NQ P C P D   GO R ZK PF QT UQ QU U QE CV G 6C TC 9 CEV +ORGTUQPCN +PVGTRGTUQPCN F C EG G G  TX GK 5G  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 31 Interpersonal Communication Involves Interdependent Individuals Interpersonal communication is the communication that takes place between people who are in some way “connected.” Interpersonal communication thus includes what takes place between a son and his father, an employer and an employee, two sisters, a teacher and a student, two lovers, two friends, and so on. Although largely dyadic (two-person) in nature, interpersonal communication is often extended to include small intimate groups such as the family or group of friends. Even within a family, however, the communication that takes place is often dyadic—mother to child, father to mother, daughter to son, and so on. Not only are the individuals simply “connected”—they are also interdependent: What one person does has an impact on the other person. The actions of one person have consequences for the other person. In a family, for example, a child’s trouble with the police affects the parents, other siblings, extended family members, and perhaps friends and neighbors. In much the same way that Facebook may have changed the definition of friend- ship, it may also have changed the definition of interpersonal communication. Sending a message to your closest 15 friends who then respond to you and the others would be considered interpersonal communication by some theorists and not by others. Online chats and phone and Skype conferences, on the other hand, are also considered interper- sonal by some and not by others. Still another issue is the blurring of the lines between what is interpersonal and what is public. When you send a message to a friend on any of the social media sites, that message is, potentially at least, a public message. Although your intended message may be interpersonal—between you and a close friend, say— that message can (and often does) become a public one—between you and people with whom you have absolutely no connection. Interpersonal Communication Is Inherently Relational Because of this interdependency, interpersonal communication is inevitably and ­essentially relational in nature. Interpersonal communication takes place within a ­relationship—it has an impact on the relationship; it defines the relationship. The communication that takes place in a relationship is in part a function of that relationship. That is, the way you communicate is determined in great part by the kind of relationship that exists between you and the other person. You interact dif- ferently with your interpersonal communication instructor and your best friend; you interact with a sibling in ways very different from the ways in which you interact with a neighbor, a work colleague, or a casual acquaintance. You interact on Face- book and Twitter in ways very different from the way you interact in a face-to-face situation. But also notice that the way you communicate, the way you interact, influences the kind of relationship you develop. If you interact with a person in friendly ways, you’re likely to develop a friendship. If you regularly exchange hateful and hurt- ful messages, you’re likely to develop an antagonistic relationship. If you regularly express respect and support for each other, a respectful and supportive relationship is likely to develop. This is surely one of the most obvious observations you can make about interpersonal communication. And yet many people seem not to appreciate this very clear relationship between what they say and the relationships that develop (or deteriorate). At the same time that interpersonal communication is relational, it also says some- thing about you. Regardless of what you say, you are making reference, in some way, to yourself—to who you are and to what you’re thinking and feeling, to what you value. Even your “likes” on Facebook, research shows, can reveal, for example, your sexual 32 Chapter 1 orientation, age, intelligence, and drug use; and photos—depending on the smile—can communication your level of personal well-being (Entis, 2013). Interpersonal Communication Is a Transactional Process A transactional perspective views interpersonal communication as (1) a process with (2) elements that are interdependent and (3) participants who are mutually influential. Figure 1.3 visually explains this transactional view and distinguishes it from an earlier, linear view of how interpersonal communication works. Interpersonal Communication Is a Process Interpersonal communication is best viewed as an ever-changing, circular process. Everything involved in interpersonal communication is in a state of flux: you’re changing, the people you communicate with are changing, and your environment is changing. Sometimes these changes go unnoticed and sometimes they intrude in obvious ways, but they’re always occurring. One person’s message serves as the stimulus for another’s message, which serves as a stimulus for the first person’s message, and so on. Throughout this circular process, each person serves simultaneously as a speaker and a listener, an actor and a reactor. Interpersonal communication is a mutually interactive process. This circular process seems more true of face-to-face interactions than of social media interactions. For example, in an analysis of tweets, one researcher found that a full 80 percent of users simply sent out information about themselves (Dean, 2010a). Only 20 percent replied to the tweets of others. In face-to-face interactions, you have to respond in some way—even if you choose to say nothing. Elements are Interdependent In interpersonal communication, not only are the indi- viduals interdependent, as noted earlier, but the varied elements of communication are also interdependent. Each element—each part—of interpersonal communication is inti- mately connected to the other parts and to the whole. For example, there can be no source without a receiver; there can be no message without a source; there can be no feedback without a receiver. Because of interdependency, a change in any one element causes changes in the others. For example, you’re talking with a group of fellow students about Figure 1.3 The Linear and Transactional Views of Interpersonal Communication The top figure represents a linear view of communication in which the speaker speaks and the listener listens. The bottom figure represents a transactional view, the view favored by most communication theorists, in which each person serves simultaneously as speaker and listener; at the same time that you send messages, you also receive messages from your own communications as well as from the reactions of the other person(s). Linear View Speaker Listener Speaker Listener Transactional View Speaker/ Speaker/ Listener Listener  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 33 a recent examination, and your professor joins the group. This change in participants leads to other changes—perhaps in the content of what you say, perhaps in the manner in which you express it. But regardless of what change is introduced, other changes result. Mutual Influence In a transaction process, each individual influences the other, to some extent. For example, in face-to-face conversation, what you say influences what the other person says, which influences what you say, and so on. This mutual influ- ence is the major characteristic distinguishing traditional media from social media. In traditional media—for example, newspapers, magazines, television, and film—the com- munication goes in one direction—from the media to you, as depicted in Figure 1.4(a). It’s basically a linear view of communication, which was depicted in Figure 1.3. In social media—for example, photo and video sharing, social networks such as Facebook and LinkedIn, and wikis—the communication goes in both directions, as depicted in Figure 1.4(b). Over the last decade or so, traditional media—most notably television—have been moving in the direction of social media, of mutual interaction with, for example, news shows inviting tweets and reading them on air, voting for your favorite couple on Dancing with the Stars, or rating movies on Netflix. Of course, you can interact—but to a very limited extent—with traditional media such as newspapers and magazines by, for example, writing letters to the editor, asking for advice from columnists such as Dear Abby, or renewing or not renewing your subscription. With the move of newspapers and magazines (and textbooks) to a digital platform, traditional media will come to resemble—to a large extent—social media. Interpersonal Communication Serves a Variety of Purposes Interpersonal communication, whether face-to-face or online, is purposeful and serves a variety of purposes. Five such purposes can be identified: to learn, to relate, to influ- ence, to play, and to help. To Learn Interpersonal communication enables you to learn, to better understand the external world—the world of objects, events, and other people. When you read the tweets from your followers, you’re learning about them but also about the world they live in—whether it’s down the road or across an ocean. Although a great deal of Figure 1.4 Traditional and Social Media In traditional media (a), the messages flow from the media to the individual with little opportunity for interaction. In social media (b), the messages go in both directions: from the media to the individual and from the individual to the media. 6TCFKVKQPCNOGFKC 0GYURCRGTU ;QW OCIC\KPGU VGNGXKUKQP C 5QEKCNOGFKC 9KMKU UQEKCNPGVYQTMU ;QW FCVKPIUKVGU RJQVQCPF XKFGQUJCTKPI D 34 Chapter 1 information comes from the media, you probably discuss and ultimately learn or inter- nalize information through interpersonal interactions. In fact, your beliefs, attitudes, and values are probably influenced more by interpersonal encounters than by the media or even by formal education. Most important, however, interpersonal communication helps you learn about yourself. By talking about yourself with others, you gain valuable feedback on your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Through these communications, you also learn how you appear to others—who likes you, who dislikes you, and why. This function, you’ll note, is written into the very fabric of Facebook, Twitter, and blogs, where commenting, recommending, and liking for a post can be indicated so easily. To Relate Interpersonal communication helps you relate. You communicate your friendship or love through your interpersonal communication; at the same time, you react and respond to the friendship and love messages of others. When you poke some- one on Facebook, you’re indicating your desire to relate to that person, to communicate with him or her. Such communication is at the heart of one of the greatest needs people have: to establish and maintain close relationships. You want to feel loved and liked, and in turn you want to love and like others. Such relationships help to alleviate loneli- ness and depression, enable you to share and heighten your pleasures, and generally make you feel more positive about yourself. To Influence Very likely, you influence the attitudes and behaviors of others in your interpersonal encounters. You may wish others to vote a particular way, try a new diet, buy a new book, listen to a record, see a movie, take a specific course, think in a particular way, believe that something is true or false, or value some idea—the list is endless. A good deal of your time is probably spent in interpersonal persuasion. Some researchers, in fact, would argue that all communication is persuasive and that all our communications seek some persuasive goal. This influencing function is seen on social media sites in at least two different ways: (1) direct influence attempts (advertisements or friends urging you to sign up for a cause or to join a group) and (2) indirect influence attempts (reading that your friends have seen a particular movie and enjoyed it, or a newsfeed announcing that one of your friends has joined a cause or bought a ticket to a play or concert, or is signing up for a particular group or cause). To Play Talking with friends about your weekend activities, discussing sports or dates, VIEWPOINTS telling stories and jokes, tweeting, and posting a clever joke or photo on some social Blogs, Etc. media site and in general just passing the time are play functions. Far from frivolous, Blogs and social networking this extremely important purpose gives your activities a necessary balance and your websites are among the chief means mind a needed break from all the seriousness around you. In online communication, by which people express themselves interpersonally but also to a broader perhaps the most obvious forms of play are the interactive games in a real or virtual audience. How would you compare reality environment. In the process, players develop useful skills such as the ability to the typical blog post and the typical take the perspective of another person (Tynes, 2007). And even certain forms of cyber- Facebook status update in terms of flirting may be viewed as play (Whitty, 2003b). the five purposes of interpersonal communication identified here? To Help Therapists of various kinds serve a helping function professionally by offering guidance through interpersonal interaction. But everyone interacts to help in everyday encounters: you console a friend who has broken off a love affair, counsel another student about courses to take, or offer advice to a colleague about work. Social media websites such as LinkedIn and Plaxo and even Facebook and Twitter are used extensively for securing the help of others and giving help to others. Success in accomplishing this helping function, professionally or otherwise, depends on your knowledge and skill in interpersonal communication.  Foundations of Interpersonal Communication 35 Interpersonal Communication Is Ambiguous INTERPERSONAL CHOICE POINT An ambiguous message is a message that can be interpreted as hav- Reducing Relationship Ambiguity ing more than one meaning. Sometimes ambiguity occurs because It is New Year’s Eve and you want to go out with your people use words that can be interpreted differently. Informal time colleagues, but your best friend expects you to spend language offers good examples; for example, the expressions soon, the night at her home like you do every year. How will right away, in a minute, early, and late, can easily be interpreted very you break it to your friend? differently by different people. Some degree of ambiguity exists in all interpersonal commu- a. Tell your friend directly. nication: all messages are ambiguous to some degree. When you b. Drop subtle hints about your preference around express an idea, you never communicate your meaning exactly and your friend. totally; rather, you communicate your meaning with some reasonable c. Grouse about not wanting to be cooped up at accuracy—enough to give the other person a reasonably clear idea home. of what you mean. Sometimes, of course, you’re less accurate than d. Promise to spend New Year’s Day with your you anticipated. Perhaps your listener “gets the wrong idea” or “gets friend instead. offended” when you only meant to be humorous, or the listener “mis- e. Other understands your emotional meaning.” Because of this inevitable uncertainty, you may qualify what you’re saying, give an example, or ask, “Do you know what I mean?” These additional explanations help the other person understand your meaning and reduce uncertainty (to some degree). This quality of ambiguity makes it extremely important to resist jumping to conclu- sions about the motives of a speaker. For example, if someone doesn’t poke you back, it may mean that the person is not interested in communicating with you, or it may be a function of information overload or a lack of knowledge in how to poke back or being away from the computer. Similarly, if someone stops following you on Twitter or unfriends you on Facebook, it may simply be a mistake. Meaning is in the person, not in the words or in the photos posted. While clarity in communication is essential, being vague at times is also an important tech- nique. Ambiguous messages are open to interpretation. They are used strategically to post- pone relaying information, deliberately confusing the listener, or purely for diplomacy. Assess the statements given below; use a 5-point scale, with 1 meaning that you are completely or almost uncertain about the meaning of the statement and 5 meaning that you are completely or almost certain of the meaning of the statement. ____ 1. “I’m very happy with my results.” ____ 2. “I had a little situation at the supermarket today.” ____ 3. “We appreciate your interest in our firm. However, we feel that there’s an entire gamut of opportunities for a qualified professional like you.” ____ 4. “The new hair cut makes you look different.” ____ 5. “Sure, you can go for the trip. You can do what you please.” ____ 6. “I am so happy that you called me. I will arrange to meet you soon.” ____ 7. “I think I understand your goal, but I’ve seen people try this method and fail. I would not want that for you.” ____ 8. “The food served in your house is quite unique. I have yet to develop a taste for it.” ____ 9. “We cannot be together any longer. It’s not you, it’s me.” ____ 10. “I’m on my way, and will be home soon.” Now compare your answers with a friend. It is very likely that you were not able to respond with fives for all the statements, and equally likely that the same would be true for your friend. A different kind of ambiguity—called strategic ambiguity—is used when you want to be ambiguous, and it is seen in a variety of situations (Eisenberg, 2007). The interviewer who compliments you on your interview (without actually offering you the job) may be acting strategically ambiguous to keep you interested in the position while the company 36 Chapter 1 interviews more and perhaps better candidates. The romantic partner who avoids moving in together but who professes a desire to do so may be giving ambigu- ous signals in order to leave open both possibilities— to move in together or not.