How To Be Different When Everyone Wants To Fit In

**How To Be Different When Everyone Wants To Fit In** It's hard to be different in a society that shuns those who don't fit in. I mean, let's be real here. Unless you're David Bowie or Marilyn Manson, you might be met with less of a success mindset for being different. No one wants to be a poser, b...

**How To Be Different When Everyone Wants To Fit In** It's hard to be different in a society that shuns those who don't fit in. I mean, let's be real here. Unless you're David Bowie or Marilyn Manson, you might be met with less of a success mindset for being different. No one wants to be a poser, but it's easy and surprisingly common for people to alter their personalities to get that dream job, romantic partner, or group of friends. The truth is, we all have a deep desire to fit in. There's even measurable data backing this need to belong ^\[1\]^. Kind of tough to beat science, huh? What if there was a better way to both be different and be successful? Turns out, there is! Ditch the poser identity and embrace a successful mindset. 1\. Why Accepting Yourself Is So Tough As it turns out, it's exceptionally hard to be different when you don't accept your differences. Who would've thought? That's why the first thing you'll need to do to be different is to accept yourself. You might have to play therapist for this one and ask yourself why you're trying to fit in. What has led you to the suppression of your inner uniqueness? Once you know the answer to this, you can accept the wonderful quirks within you that are just waiting to be shared with the world. 2\. Stop Trying to Be Different Here's the thing: if you try to be different, you're no better than that poser who was trying to fit in with the popular crowd. What happens when you try to be different is that you work to fit into what you think is different without actually sticking to your personal interests. And, if it didn't work in the cool kid's club, what makes you think it'll work for the hipster rebels or other, more unique groups? If you want to actually be different, you'll need to [[focus on your quirks]](https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/discover-how-love-yourself-like-you-mean-these-10-steps.html). From an early age, we're conditioned to dress, talk, and think in certain ways (thanks, education system!) To break that brainwashing and unleash the unique persona within, you'll need to look within yourself---rather than at unconventional trends---to find your inspiration. By now, you might be wondering what we mean by looking within. No, this isn't some new age [[meditation]](https://www.lifehack.org/848704/how-to-do-transcendental-meditation) tutorial, but if you're into that, consider it your niche! What we mean is you need to experiment with your quirks by honestly challenging the status quo. Don't copy less popular trends, and don't try to convince yourself of certain interests to stand out as doing so will just attract the wrong kind of attention. When you naturally focus on your uniqueness, you will feel more like yourself and therefore develop a success mindset that exudes confidence. Sounds good, right? 3\. Why You Need to Embrace Your Hobbies Now for the fun part---hobbies! Hobbies do wonders for one's identity. They can help you further tap into your inner differences, making them extremely great for having good mental health and a [[successful mindset]](https://www.lifehack.org/869081/life-lessons). Here are some ways hobbies can benefit you: You Gain Identity It can be easy to lose oneself in the need to fit in, and some people even go so far as to take on different identities and interests just to feel like they belong. When you deny yourself of hobbies for the sake of fitting in, however, you also rob yourself of the opportunity for true self-expression. Taking on your true passions is far more rewarding in the long run. You Can Find Like-Minded Peers Hobbies are your opportunity to embrace what makes you different in a way that can actually help you find friends who happen to have the same interests as you.^\[2\]^ Not only is it okay to be different, but there's also a community of like-minded individuals somewhere out there just waiting to include you in common hobbies. Once you've found the group that is just as passionate about your hobbies as you are, you'll find it's invigorating to be different! [**[https://www.lifehack.org/894720/be-different]**](https://www.lifehack.org/894720/be-different) Written by [[Midori Verity]](https://www.lifehack.org/author/midoriverity) Last Updated on March 20, 2024 **The Problems with Wanting to Fit In** When we start a new school, often we are faced with the pressure to fit in with the other kids. We feel this need to be one of the \'popular\' people and be higher on the social ladder. Not everyone feels this pressure or desire, but those who do can try and attain this status through means which are damaging to their mental health. The act of wanting to change who you are to fit in is harmful enough to our mental health.Read on to learn more about the problems with wanting to fit in and how you can overcome this desire and start learning to love yourself for who you are. **Damaging to Mental Health** Wanting to fit in with the popular kids at school or even work can be damaging to your mental health; ultimately, you are pushing aside everything that makes you unique to mould yourself into this \'perfect person\' that you believe you need to be. You look at the attributes and personality traits that you have and see them as lacking, as not enough to be liked by others, and so, you strive to be something and someone else. This impacts your self-confidence significantly as no matter what you do, you will never accept who you are as a person.No matter what you do to change how you look and act, you will always see it as not enough; as deep down, you know that you are lying to others about who you are. You can generate body confidence issues as a result and start to hate the way you look; leading to anxiety and depression which can then lead to eating disorders in the long run. **Caught in a Web of Lies** When we feel the pressure to fit in and change ourselves, we often, as a result, have to lie to others to create the illusion that we are someone different than who we are in reality. Maybe you want to seem richer or more cultured like a specific group of people at school. Because you desire to be on the same level as them, you lie about your background to seem like \'one of the group\'. While these lies might seem to work at the start, they can be hard to keep up and are damaging to your mental health as you deny who you are every day.If you get caught in your lies, it can be embarrassing and humiliating for you and can even lead to bullying. No matter how long you have lied for, people can take this situation and use it to make you feel depressed and ashamed of at school. The best course of action is never to lie, and always to be true to who you are and where you are from. **Feel Unimportant** With the pressure to fit in with groups who are different to us, we often make ourselves feel unimportant if we aren\'t associated with them. Maybe they are the popular kids at school or people you aspire to be like. Either way, when we don\'t see similar characteristics in us that we see in them, we can feel unimportant. Maybe you want to be cool, one of the popular kids and someone everyone knows at your school. If you aren\'t like this now, you can feel like you are nothing. Rather than letting this feeling eat at us and potentially lead us to depression, we need to see that being cool or popular isn\'t everything and that just because you have a smaller group of friends or aren\'t at the top of the social ladder, doesn\'t mean you are unimportant. Your life shouldn\'t revolve around popularity. **Could be Pressured into Things** Not only could you be pressured to change who you are as a person, but you can also be pressured into doing things that are detrimental to your physical and mental health. If you are trying to fit in with a particular crowd, you might feel the pressure to act as they do, even if that includes things which are terrible for your health or even illegal. You might be faced with the pressure to smoke or do drugs, depending on the people you surround yourself with. It might seem like a one-time thing at the time to get them to like you, but the more you try to fit in with them, the more smoking or drugs you can end up consuming. The mental and physical health effects of these things are apparent, so you shouldn\'t feel pressured into doing them. **How to Overcome This** Now that you know more about the dangers of wanting to fit in, you can start to try and overcome this pressure. The first thing people who feel the pressure to fit in with a group of people need to do is start learning to accept who they are. When we change ourselves to fit in with others, we deny the characteristics and personality traits that make us uniquely us. We need to learn to love ourselves so that we don\'t feel the need to change, but rather let people love us and like us for who we are.People who want you to change won\'t make good friends, and they will always want to alter you in some way and make you feel inferior to them. You should avoid people like this who will never accept you for who you are; being friends with these people will not only bring your self-confidence down, but they will have a long-lasting effect on your mental health.If you feel affected by your experience with the pressures to fit in or are still suffering from self-confidence issues, then speaking with a therapist could be beneficial to you. A therapist can help you build up your self-confidence again and help you learn to love you. By talking to them about your experience, they can help you to understand that the people that you\'re surrounded by don't benefit you and will only damage your mental health further. You shouldn\'t feel ashamed to ask for help when it concerns your mental health as you should always look after your mentality and never be made to hate the things that make you, you.[[Contact me]](https://www.liddycarver.co.uk/get-in-touch/) today or check out [[my website]](https://www.liddycarver.co.uk/) to learn more about my services as a therapist and how I can help you overcome any self-confidence or body image issues you have as a result of pressure.\[/vc\_column\_text\]\[/vc\_column\]\[/vc\_row\] https://www.liddycarver.co.uk/post/the-problems-with-wanting-to-fit-in October 21, 2019 Liddy Carver **"Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you\'re born to stand out" -Oliver James** We spend a very precious period in our lifetime trying to fit in according to what we think society wants us to be. We do not realize how special we are as an individual with our unique traits and personality. This very special quote by 'Oliver James' says it all. Many people may feel pressure to fit in with the norms and expectations of society, whether it\'s in terms of appearance, behavior, or beliefs. However, this pressure to conform can be overwhelming and come at the cost of individuality and authenticity. It may feel sometimes that fitting in is all you are supposed to do in some situations but there is always a choice to be authentic. Trying to fit in may lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and a lack of fulfillment. On the other hand, embracing one\'s unique qualities and standing out can lead to a greater sense of self-confidence, happiness, and success. When you dare to be different and follow your path, you can discover your strengths and abilities, and ultimately achieve greater fulfillment and satisfaction in life. It\'s important to remember that everyone has unique qualities and strengths that make them stand out from others. Rather than celebrating our unique individuality, we tend to hide it embarrassingly. Embracing those differences and using them to your advantage can lead to greater success and happiness than simply trying to fit in with the crowd. Individuality refers to the unique characteristics, qualities, and traits that make a person distinct from others. It encompasses a person\'s personality, beliefs, values, talents, interests, and experiences. Each person is born with their own unique set of genetic traits and predispositions, which can influence their physical appearance, cognitive abilities, and personality. However, individuality is also shaped by the social and cultural context in which a person grows up and lives, our family and the friends we surround ourselves with also play a very important part in one's individual growth their unique personality. Being a shadow under the societal traits may feel safe and comforting for the time being but it can never lead to the redemption we all search for in the long run. And in the process, societal behavior may give you a sense of achievement but that will always be fulfillment in a particular society as a whole, the achievement may not feel on an individual's level. Individuality is important because it allows people to express themselves authentically and pursue their own goals and interests, rather than simply conforming to societal expectations. Embracing one\'s individuality can lead to greater self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-esteem. It can also encourage creativity, innovation, and diversity, which can benefit society as a whole. While it\'s important to respect and appreciate differences among individuals, it\'s also important to recognize our common humanity and to promote understanding and compassion towards others, regardless of their characteristics. [[https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-trying-so-hard-fit-when-youre-born-stand-out-oliver-apfet-]](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-trying-so-hard-fit-when-youre-born-stand-out-oliver-apfet-) **Everybody feels like \[a misfit\] at different points in their life.** If just like me am sure at some point in your life, you are told you are weird, somewhat unusual, not good enough and this would eventually lead you to questioning who you are, usually i find asking myself why i aren't enough? Or wondering what's wrong with who i am? And i did at some point in times go even further and wonder what else should i do to fit in?\" \ This is the internal monologue that I am sure each and everyone of us has gone through when we realise we are different from everyone and the world still tries to force us to fit into society. \ And even if we know or even been told that what others think shouldn\'t always matter and it shouldn\'t be a valid reason to change who we are but have you ever had that one moment where you find yourself wondering if they are right, if you should actually try being like the acceptable version the world wants you to be, almost the whole of our lives is spent on thinking about the ways we can adopt that can make us "more acceptable to the world"by the people around us. \ Is the constant struggle to fit in or to become more appreciated, liked and acceptable, the only option we are left with? Do we have any other choice? Let's dive deeper into it!\ It\'s an unfortunate fact that the world we are living in is not a \"world of diversity even if in today everyone claims to be all about diversity and inclusion \" for me sometimes it seems more like a \"world of uniformity. The beauty of individuality, or diversity is lost in the struggle of trying to be the same as everyone else. It\'s a part of human nature to get gravitated by authenticity. But it seems like we are losing it day by day. In life, everyone gets different opportunities depending upon the circumstances, experiences they face in their everyday life. And sometimes many of those opportunities or chances are wasted because we are afraid and even not ready to take stand for ourselves or what we believe in.\ The fear of getting rejected by people who claims to know us even better than we know ourselves becomes an obstacle on the way to being our authentic selves and although this might seem unbelievable, but it\'s a harsh reality that many of us are facing in our day to day lives. The constant peer pressure makes us do things or take steps that are totally against who we are. We suffer every day, with every passing second to achieve one thing: The validation or acceptance of society. Deep down inside, everybody knows who they are or what they want to do with their life. But the voices coming from outside diminish the inner voice of their soul. Changing yourself for others or trimming your edges to fit in the image that someone else has pictured about you in their head is probably the worst thing one can do. Why would someone do it? Will people be happy with the changed you? \ The answer is a big \"No.\" Molding yourself or losing authenticity cant take you that far, I truly believe that you can never truly hide who you are at some point it will show. \ So given the two choices of fitting in or standing out, most of the people choose to fit in or get blended. \ As we all know growth can be scary and criticism can hurt, and opinions of the people around us matter to a point where we are too afraid of being called " Misfits.\" Fitting in for the sake of blending in costs us our uniqueness, which I truly believe is the beauty of the human soul. So What about the other choice? We can standout! We can be different because we are different and the beauty of individuality makes us unique and special and at the end of the day people do exhibit judgemental attitudes whenever someone decides to stand out, but here is good news for all of us there will come a point in our lives we will learn that not everyone\'s opinions matter! So Know yourself first, then stand out! Some people decide to blend in only because they think they haven\'t identified their values or what sets their soul on fire or who they truly are. They hardly have any clue about what they should exactly stand out for! The solution is straightforward! You don\'t have to blend in. Brainstorm try different things, speak to people outside of your usual circle, think carefully about what inspires you, what is the meaning of life for you, Who are your role model? What sets your soul on fire? Then connect the dots, and slowly slowly build yourself, but remember this you have to be clear about what you should stand for! Just be yourself! Life is the sum of the conscious and unconscious choices we make every single day. Everyone has some flaws, and I do believe that there is always room for improvement. But improvement to satisfy someone else or trimming yourself or cutting your edges to fit in are two entirely different things. In cutting your edges, you will lose yourself in the process! \ I say always be open to work on a better version of you, but never lose your genuine self in the process! Because at the end of the day your own self is the only thing that you truly have. everything else is given to you and can be taken away in a flash. So That's all we have! Standout and never fear to be yourself! There is nobody like you, and this is your real power! People can never be pleased with whatever you do or whoever you try to become. In striving for others' approval and validation, your true self is lost in the process and personally the cost of getting accepted, validated, and liked by society is personally to high for me! \ It\'s high because your genuine self is at risk. When a person blindly follows the path or directions set for by others, we inevitably not end up happy. So why not try being your authentic self, and if someone calls you \"misfit, or weird\" then welcome to the world of misfits! \ For me Misfits, are those who dare to show the world their real selves, the pain, the struggles and the wins! Misfits, are those who can take stand for what they believe in. So Have the strength to take stand for yourself. The decision is all yours to make! This months lesson for me is don\'t ever be afraid of criticism masked in the form of feedback or advice by people who genuinely don\'t know who you are, and don\'t overthink whether you are accepted or not whether in your personal life or professional one.\ Following your heart or not is the biggest challenge we all have to face at some point in time, so I say live your life to the full extent because we all know that life is too short to be living someones life! Seize the day!\ Have the strength to live the life that you have always dreamt of and do it by being your authentic self and in return it will attract the right energy towards you.\ This year is all about living authentically in all my perfect imperfections. Originally Published On [[Aimé Digital]](https://aimedigital.eu/) an 30, 2020 [[https://nadiaaime.medium.com/everybody-feels-like-a-misfit-at-different-points-in-their-life-3bac53b6ffee]](https://nadiaaime.medium.com/everybody-feels-like-a-misfit-at-different-points-in-their-life-3bac53b6ffee)