Emotional Bonds Notes PDF

💑 emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation Carmen Abengozar exam 80% mcq and theoretical question, possibly with practical cases report 10% in class activities 10% report: interview wit...

💑 emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation Carmen Abengozar exam 80% mcq and theoretical question, possibly with practical cases report 10% in class activities 10% report: interview with couple must have been together at least 1 year look at slides first, then book chapter unit 1: the attachment bond concept of attachment phases in the development of attachment concept of attachment needs reasons whys (which seat we chose example) 1. connection 2. bond 3. boundaries 4. (sense of) belonging 5. being identity of the couple is different than the identity of the individual couple becomes “them”, you become part of an “us” when do you feel secure? children in institutions in the early 20th century — children separated from their primary caregivers → harlow experiments emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 1  feeling fear → choosing cloth mother impact of early life deprivation more brain activity in never institutionalized (in)secure attachment depending on when institutionalized/never institutionalized critical / sensitive period → 20-24 months institutional syndrome: less brain activity physical underdevelopment language not discriminating a secure figure insecure attachment bowlby’s contributions to child development and practice minimizing separations physical contact with parents fathers present at birth more time with their children attachment vs attachment behavior attachment = being strongly disposed to seek proximity to and contact with that individual and to do so especially in certain specified conditions the disposition to behave this way is an attribute of the attached person → a persisting attribute that changes only slowly over time and that is unaffected by the situation of the moment VS. attachment behavior = by contrast, this refers to any of the various forms of behavior that the person engages in from time to time to obtain or maintain a desired proximity proximity examples: with therapist → bond, trust, security coworker, coach, teacher, roommates… → attachment security, development, fear and angst (→ emptiness) 1. shoulds 2. desire 3. want 4. need 5. is (reality) emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 2  behavioral systems are homeostatic → balance (→ individual and environment) all systems need to be balanced attachment system → balance → proximity behavior // exploratory behavior attachment figure = secure base from which the infant explores the environment when you’re with this person, what does it do to your body? hormones, thoughts… security — strong sense of being protected, safe haven more threat → more proximity behavior, less exploratory behavior more security → less proximity behavior, more exploratory behavior the attachment relationship functions a secure base from which to explore a safe haven to come back after being threatened proximity seeking and protest at separation if there is no physical proximity anymore, we can develop psychological proximity we always need/should keep a sense of reality secure types → accurate reflections of the experiences the individuals had more sociable more play and exploration less inhibited insecure types → biased perception fear and anxiety: crying and clinging emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 3  or defensiveness: avoidance of contact with attachment figure the attachment system: universal vs individual differences natural selection: children who seek for proximity survive they reproduce and the attachment systems passes to the next generation → is that so? confidence in an attachment figure being available less prone to intense or chronic fear built up slowly during infancy, childhood and adolescence and tend not to change accurate reflections of the experiences the individuals had internal working model (IWM) 1. include the expectations of attachment figures 2. reflect memories and beliefs developed from early experiences of caregiving 3. they are carried forward into new relationships 4. includes models of others and self different types of attachment ainsworth: uganda and baltimore the strange situation experiment.. a fourth group: disorganized disoriented category emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 4  1. show contradictory reunion behavior 2. show confusion or apprehension when the AF approaches 3. changable or depressed affect multiple attachment figures bowlby the child is biased toward attaching himself to herself especially to one figure, mainly the mother by 9 or 10 months of age, principal caregiver becomes the primary attachment figure other figures are secondary and supplementary to that primary figure hierarchy of attachment figures quality of attachment depends on: how the mother responds to crying timing of feeding sensitivity psychological accessibility cooperation acceptance interactional synchrony → reciprocal and mutually rewarding exchanges of behavior between infant and mother an infant could be securely attached to one parent and insecurely attached to the other — the child’s temperament emotional fuzzy or difficult irritable irritability predicts insecure attachment at 12 months of age → ONLY when mothers were unresponsive to their infants crying at 3 months and who received little social support active/passive prone to distress social → interaction between maternal personality and infant proneness to distress bowlby: attachment patterns reflect the interaction between the child’s personality, the family and the wider social environment — cultural differences cultures that encourage early independence → children exhibit less stress in response to separation high incidence of A (avoidant) in germany → due to the parental push for early independence (not rejection) do internal working models remain unchangeable? do attachment patterns remain unchangeable? working models are stable because: emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 5  IWM develop and operate in a stable family setting IWM operate unconsciously, harder to change IWM are self-fulfilling children reproduce interaction patterns even in exploitive or destructive relationships working models change because: 1. the person is not satisfied with their attachment pattern 2. the person experiences events that might change their behavior 3. the IWM is no longer effective to deal with social exchanges → changing IWM to adapt to reality some evidence little meditation 1: set up (horizon sets, waves, include words like consistency, stable movements, curiosity…) → we are linking security with development; it is a permanent change → feeling certaint in incertainty, secure in insecurity → generative intervention fear paralyses us phases in the development of attachment phase 1: orientation and signals with limited discrimination of figure (from birth to 8/12 weeks) baby’s ability to discriminate is limited to olfactory and auditory stimuli baby’s behaviours: orientation towards a person, tracking movements of the eyes, grasping and reaching, smiling and babbling emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 6  phase 2: orientation and signals directed towards one (or more) discriminated figured (from 12 weeks to 6 months) baby’s behaviours more directed towards the main caregiver phase 3: maintenance of proximity to a discriminated figure by means of locomotion as well as signals (from 6/7 months to 2/3 years) phase 4: formation of a goal-corrected partnership (from 3.5 years on) hierarchy of attachment figures unit 2: attachment theory - core concepts and basic principles first principle how does attachment get involved in emotion regulation? when attachment system is activated it regulates emotions the emotion-regulatory function of attachment system: emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 7  what happens in adults? how to adults appraise the THREAT biases? 1. hyperactivating strategies: exaggerated appraise of threat 2. deactivating strategies: dismissal of threat insecure strategies and working models may increase negative thoughts about attachment (e.g. worries about attachment figure unavailability and thoughts about separation and rejection) how do adults seek proximity and support? anxious adults: exaggerated expressions of helplessness to get compassion and care from others avoidant adults: not seeking support → self-reliance secure adults: seek proximity second principle secure attachment as an inner resource (bowlby) mikulincer and shaver’s model interactions with available and loving attachment figures create → broaden-and-build cycle of attachment security provides → 1. inner resources for maintaining emotional equanimity in times of stress emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 8  2. fosters formation of satisfying close relationships 3. broadens one’s repertoire of skills and perspectives 4. contributes to natural processes of growth and self-actualization secure people: self-representations → have a grounded self-worth, self-esteem, competence, mastery when stress or threats → find comfort and reassurance in their own attributes model of self → more balanced, coherent and well-organized integrate weak points within a coherent and overall positive self-structure emotion regulation → have constructive ways of coping acknowledgement and display of stress positive reappraisal of the situation instrumental problem-solving: no fear to rejection or criticism → a child feels comfortable exploring, acknowledging and expressing one’s own emotions secure adults → deal with interpersonal conflicts by compromising and integrating their own and their partner’s positions efficient management of stress → more and longer periods of positive moods negative associations between security and symptoms of depression, anxiety and hostility relationship quality if attachment figure is available → promote and reaffirm positive beliefs about others’ sensitivity, responsiveness, and goodwill secure people trust others experience and express gratitude feel affection toward relationship partners easy to tolerate and accept ambiguous or negative partner behaviors + comfortable with intimacy and interdependence more stable relationships + more positive views of their partners perceive their partners as more supportive feel more trusting and affectionate toward their partners positive expectations concerning partner behaviors emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 9  → attribute partner’s behaviors to unintentional, unstable and highly specific causes broadening of skills bowlby → there is a dynamic interplay between the attachment system and other behavioral systems: exploration, caregiving, affiliation and sex this is the basis for broadening and building attachment security: if attachment figure is available → secure people can take necessary risks and accept important challenges attachment security tolerance for ambiguity (associated with curiosity) cognitive openness less dogmatic thinking explore new environments mastery-approach goals more creativity accept other people’s attitides prosocial values third principle insecure attachment uses defensive strategies defensive biases: distort and damage emotion regulation negatively color mental representation of self and others psychological and social problems insecure attachment strategies: emotion regulation → bias emotion regulation → alter, obstruct or suppress the experience and expression of emotions deactivation strategies (avoidant people) to suppress thoughts related to fear, sadness and shame may activate unwanted needs, memories, behaviors emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 10  — avoidant people negative emotions and expressions of vulnerability incompatible with being self-reliant inhibit emotions related to rejection, separation and loss no problem solving problem solving requires: → opening to new information → admitting frustration/defeat dealing with uncertainty → remembering without blocking the activation of the attachment system related to unavailable, unresponsive or disapproving attachment figures doubt general goodness of the world and good intentions of people → difficulties in reappraising events that elicit emotions and in transforming threats into challenges they don’t anticipate other people’s support because it means to become demoralised — anxious people anxious hyperactivating strategies → they generate and intensify emotional states related to threat they hyperactivate their attachment system: when they perceive a threat in their relationship it is a congruent goal to intensify their emotions how do anxious people accomplish their goal of intensifying their emotions? 1. they overemphasize the potentially threatening aspects of even benign events 2. to transform challenges into threats 3. to ruminate on pessimistic beliefs about one’s inability to manage distress 4. emotion-focused coping: shifting attention to internal indications of distress, so they seem more urgent and destabilizing 5. hypervigilance to the physiological aspect of emotional states 6. heightened recall of threat-related experiences 7. rumination on real and potential threats 8. exacerbation of negative feelings 9. exaggerated displays of distress 10. to engage in wild, counterphobic behavior that makes danger more real 11. to adopt ineffective courses of action that are likely to be self-defeating and result in failure emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 11  insecure attachment strategies: defensive distortions of mental representations of self and others bowlby’s attachment theory hyperactivating strategies of anxious people lead to a low self-esteem deactivating strategies favour defensive processes of self-enhancement and self-inflation anxious people attention to thoughts about personal weaknesses, foster chronic doubt about self-worth and emphasize helplessness and vulnerability → goal: elicit other people’s compassion and support avoidant people divert attention from self-relevant sources of distress no consideration of negative self-aspects exaggeration of strength and self-worth and contribute to maintenance of high-self esteem adopting a self-reliant attitude strategic attempts to convince others that one doesn’t need their support insecure attachment strategies: problems in mental health and adjustment risk factors: 1. reduce resilience in times of stress 2. contribute to emotional problems and poor adjustment hyperactivating strategies: anxious people deactivating strategies: avoidant people emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 12  unit 3: other types of affectional bonds child to parents beyond infancy: 3-4 years old (bowlby) goal-corrected partnership child becomes more able to induce parents to change their plants parents more closely agree with the child’s own plans language skills qualitative advantages in locomotion secure working model → more exploration during adulthood adult child achieves autonomy attachment to parents continues adult child may have a new principal attachment figure with a partner when a parents is impaired → role reversal relationships continue with parent surrogates: older siblings, other relatives, teachers, athletic coaches… even mentors, therapists and priests when relationship with therapist ends → working model remains difference between affectional bonds and relationships 1. affectional bonds are long lasting — relationships may not last 2. relationships are dyadic — affectional bonds are characteristic of the individual, not the dyad, and entail representation in the internal organization of the individual person 3. a relationship is likely to have a number of components, some of which may be irrelevant to what makes for an attachment or indeed any kind of affectional bond what is an affectional bond? a relatively long enduring tie in which the partner is important as a unique individual and is interchangable with no other emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 13  there is a desire to maintain closeness to the partner intermittent desire to reestablish proximity and interaction and pleasure upon reunion — difference between attachment and affectional bond: attachment: the experience of security and comfort the ability to move off from the secure base provided by the partner with confidence to engage in other activities not all attachments are secure the bond of parents to infants representational models some women form a model of themselves in relation to an infant often even long before birth → primed to bond to their infants even under difficult circumstances a parent has a bond to her child this is not an attachment because a mother does not normally base her security in her relationship with her child friends, companions, intimates infancy sociable systems may conflict with fear/wariness system bretherton and ainsworth’s findings most infants showed a mixture of wary and sociable behavior on first encountering an adult stranger when mother was present very few showed only wariness or only sociability infants and young children are much more likely to be sociable than wary when encountering unfamiliar age peer wariness aroused by friendly adult strangers may disappear rapidly as they become more familiar teenagers the group as a whole is most important teenager is NOT attached to group and does NOT have an affectional bond to the group affectional bonds, including attachments, pertain to the individual in a dyadic relationship with another specific person friendships include several dyadic relationships 1. relationships with acquaintances → occasional pleasant interaction 2. relationships with congenial companions → spending a lot of time in activities of mutual interest or concern 3. close, intimate relationships with one of a few particularly valued persons → seeking company intermittently weiss: bonds between army buddies emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 14  youniss (1980): friendship in childhood 1. 6-7 year olds: playmate and sharins 2. 9-11 year olds: reciprocity friends give help to each other and depend on that help, including companionship when lonely 3. 12-14 year olds: close friendships as symmaterical cooperation, reciprocity and trust, in which one could show one’s feelings, discuss differences and feel understoof emphasized congeniality of interests some friendships have an attachment component some constitute enduring affectional bonds many are short lived and context specific others endure despite circumstances that make proximity keeping difficult representational models of one self and of others enable people to sustain a bond across time and distance bonds with siblings and other kin older siblings may play parental, caregiving role and may become supplementary attachment figure when a child’s parent dies, the child’d feelings may be alleviated by older sibling study: mothers left their children in a waiting room sitting, many older children acted to provide reassurance, comfort and care to their younger siblings siblings if close in age may also be playmates; some become friends or best friends → then it has same attributes as regular friendship this implies a secure attachment component what makes ambivalent feelings enduring affectional bonds? emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 15  sexual pair bonds 3 behavioral systems: reproductive attachment caregiving caregiving → two ways giving care to the partner; sharing with the partner caregiving for the young attachment → is built up throughout the relationship; interacts with caregiving to make for a reciprocal give-and- take relationship reciprocity → each partner at some times and in some ways looks to the other as stronger and wiser; the other reciprocates by providing care, comfort, and reassurance → providing feelings of security sexual attraction → important at the beginning of relationship attachment and caregiving → sustain bond even in cases in which sexual interest has waned divorce attachment component is long lasting, it persists long after the pair has been parted, even when the parting was much desired tendency to miss the partner and feel lonely some may resemble relationship between parent and child the child seeks protection and care from the other the parents is viewed as stronger and wiser the parent’s satisfaction comes through giving care and feeling needed other components in marriages professional or business partners; they enjoy sharing same leisure time interests and activities → these components are not essential but may contribute to its persistence over time same sex partners may be more difficult to sustain emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 16  social custom may be a divisive influence; would not be a force supporting continuation of the bond, as in marriage second reference for sexual pair bonding love as an attachment process 1. the emotional and behavioral dynamics of infant-caregiver relationships and adult romantic relationships are governed by the same biological system attachment behavioral system is designed by natural selection to promote safety and survival a. adults typically feel safer and more secure when their partner is nearby, accessible and responsive b. partner may be used as “secure base” from which to explore the environment c. when individual is feeling distressed, sick etc., the partner is used as a source of safety, comfort and protection d. similar activating/terminating conditions (threat/security) of emotions and behaviors 2. the kinds of individual differences observed in infant-caregiver relationships are similar to ones observed in romantic relationships major patterns of attachment described by ainsworth: secure anxious-ambivalent anxious-avoidant were conceptually similar to the “love styles” 3. individual differences in adult attachment behavior are reflections of the expectations and beliefs people have formed about themselves and their close relationships on the basis of their attachment histories → these “working models” are relatively stable, and as such may be reflections of early caregiving experiences when people build new relationships, they rely partly on previous expectations about how others are likely to behave and feel towards them they use these models to interpret the goals or intentions of their partners more likely to assimilate new relational information for it to fit into model even if it needs to be distorted → explains continuity 4. romantic love, as commonly conceived, involved the interplay of attachment, caregiving and sex in adult relationships attachment and caregiving are harder to separate than in infancy either partner can be characterized one time as stressed, helpless etc.. and also as being more helpful, empathetic… emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 17  a person may adopt sexual strategies (like for short term flings) that inhibit development of deeper emotional attachments (e.g. serve the function of intimacy-and dependency-avoidance) unit 4: internal working models - features and functions what are working models? bowlby: in order to predict and manage the world, individuals need → a model of their environment: environmental model → a model of their own skills and potentialities: organismic model inner working models are analogous to maps and plans they are used to: stimulate and predict behavior of others plan ones own behavior to achieve relational goals when parents are supportive and cooperative, the child creates useful IWM: create positive relationships explore environment with confidence and mastery IWM become more sophisticated with development consistent caregiving pattern → IWM become solidified major changes in person or environment may lead to more changes of working models psychopathology occurs when IWM: why are IWM resistant to change? IWM are self-fulfilling watzlawick’s story: emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 18  inconsistent IWM reality ≠ idealised model reality idealised model direct experiences what they are told unconscious conscious experiences of rejection, coldness, unsupportive parents say they are good and the child sees them as parents good child feels resentful child feels guilty; parents reject them because child is bad he suppresses these feelings bc they think their their parents are good parents are good hierarchy of IWM parents’ internal model of childhood attachment govern the ways in which they behave as attachment figures to their own children four components of IWMs (collins and read) 1. memories of attachment-related experiences (especially those involving the primary attachment figure 2. beliefs, attitudes and expectations of self and others in relation to attachment emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 19  3. attachment-related goals and needs 4. strategies and plans for achieving attachment related goals functions of working models 1. cognitive response patterns IWMs affect selective attention anxious-ambivalent → seek approval and avoid rejection; sensitive to criticism or rejection and overreacting to this avoidant → sensitive to signs of intrusion and control IWMs create biases in memory encoding and retrieval → no, we RECREATE our memories incidents that did not really happen recalling an occasional incident as occurring more often than it did ⇒ recalled memories generally confirm existing models of self and other, whether these are positive of negative IWMs have an effect on inference and explanation processes affect the ways individuals make sense of their relationships emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 20  sarason’s study: a group of children received the exact same note, purported to be from their mothers → those who perceived their mothers as generally unavailable to them saw the notes as much less supportive 2. emotional response patterns a. primary appraisal response involves a direct path from the IWM to emotional response, evoking immediate emotional reaction to situation STRONG AFFECT INFLUENCES SELECTIVE ATTENTION strong negative affect such as anger or depression may lead to a negatively biased search process depressed people tend to focus on data that support their negative mood an individual with a negative model of self may focus on experiences of failure and ignore experiences of success MEMORY depressed individuals will recall negative experiences from the past and ignore any positive events that might have occurred a person sensitive to attempts at control will tend, when feeling low, to recall instances consistent with that concern negative IWM → people react in less constructive ways b. secondary appraisal response involved path from cognitive processing to emotional responses how does the individual feel once he/she has taken into account his/her cognitive reaction for example through self talk? primary appraisal response can be maintained, amplified or lessened depending on how individual interprets experience 3. behavioral response pattern secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant → all behave, think and feel differently a. stored strategies in IWM from childhood/adolescence/adulthood (e.g. running home to mom whenever he/she has a problem with partner) b. new plans made in current situation (e.g. decisions such as whether to discuss problem openly with partner or whether to avoid it) emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 21  stability and change in working models stability? 1. individuals select environments that are consistent with their beliefs about self and others (career, jobs, romantic partner) 2. IWMs are self-perpetuating what is noticed (selective attention) what is remembered how events are explained 3. we use IWMs automatically and unconsciously 4. IWMs are self-fulfilling change? 1. major life transitions (leaving home, having a baby, divorce…) 2. new understandings or interpretations of their past experiences (e.g. therapy) neuroimaging and IWMs correlations! neuroimaging studies reveal that mental models rely on the same brain sites that subserve: perception: vision, audition, touch action: movement proprioception: balance interoception: visceral, emotional and cognitive states right somatosensory cortex lit up when participants considered their own feelings, multimodal TPJ lit up only when imagining their mothers feelings and thoughts superior temporal sulcus (STS) lit up when participants imagine themselves as protagonists in a story, solve false-belief task and consider moral dilemmas unit 5: behavioral systems in attachment, caregiving and sexual satisfaction attachment in adult love relationships 1. attachment system develops in infancy and childhood 2. characterized by proximity-seeking behaviors toward attachment figures (typically parents) 3. parents provide comfort and security in times of adversity emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 22  caregiving in adult love relationships the caregiving system is complementary to attachment system evolved to increase the safety and viability of dependent others — such as children or an adult who is temporarily in need of protection, comfort, or support four dimensions of caregiving behaviors (kunce and shaver, 1994) 1. proximity vs distance 2. sensitivity vs insensitivity 3. control vs cooperation 4. compulsive care giving → findings 1. secure participants → high proximity and sensitivity 2. dismissing participant → low proximity and sensitivity 3. secure + dismissing participants → lack of compulsive caregiving 4. preoccupied and fearful → high compulsive caregiving; low sensitivity adequate sense of security → optimal caregiving chronic attachment insecurities interfere with ability to recognize distress signals on others and appropriately respond to them sexual satisfaction 1. sexual system: emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 23  includes motives for engaging in sexual interactions it is expressed in: sexual behavior sexuality-related emotions and desires 2. optimal sexuality: includes security, caring, and sexual gratification involved a healthy concern… attachment and sexuality 1. avoidant → more likely to engage in one-night stands → endorse idea that sex without love is pleasurable 2. female avoidants + male anxious ambivalents → least likely to report engaging in sexual intercourse during the course of the study several studies: sexuality examined through lens of attachment theory (study): 1. caregiving proximity 2. caregiving sensitivity and caregiving control → related to sexual satisfaction in distressed couples intense negative affect communication problems emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 24  conflicts → influence the association between insecure attachment and low sexual satisfaction caregiving behaviors play less a central role in conclusion: unit 6: separation and loss attachment disruptions = prolonged or severe threats to a caregiver’s availability or responsiveness that create fundamental fear and uncertainty about the caregiver’s availability or capacity to respond in moments of danger if disruptions are not repaired: → persistent feelings of fear, anger, or sadness → defensive strategies that reduce ability to engage in emotionally attuned communication with caregivers → risk for psychopathology dysfunctional emotional and defensive responses bowlby and robertson observed 2 to 4 year old children’s reactions to prolonged separations from their caregivers 1. emotional reactions and defensive processes that impair relationship functioning and distort expressions of attachment needs 2. children’s emotional reactions may become dysfunctional when they no longer serve a reparative function of signaling and eliciting a comforting response from a caregiver phases to prolonged separations emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 25  1. protest lasts between a few hours to a week or more crying loudly, showing anger etc. dominant attitude: hope that mom would return efforts to comfort by other adults → little success fear and distress → signalled a child’s appraisal of danger anger → served to mobilize and sustain child’s efforts to reestablish contact with mother 2. despair hopelessness about mom’s return cry active movement diminishes withdrew/disengaged from people around them adults often misinterpret the reduced activity and withdrawal as signs of child’s recovery hostile behavior increases over time 3. detachment child no longer rejects alternative caregivers some children display sociability towards other adults or peer striking absence of joy at mom’s return - apathetic two types of pathogenic attachment disruptions 1. threat to caregiver’s availability experiences in prolonged separations fears of abandonment or loss of caregiver examples: unexplained separations, loss through desertion or death, lack of access to a caregiver in a moment of high need 2. attachment disruption from a breakdown in the caregiving system that leads to nearly complete failure of the caregiver to provide protection and guidance abdication of the caregiving role, betrayal, and threatening or frightening behavior a caregiver who is physically available BUT unavailable as a source of safety and protection severe or prolonged threats to caregiver availability (→ 1) how available is the caregiver? when communication is cut off, older children and adults can perceive physical separations as major threat to maintaining attachment bond e.g. separations where caregiver leaves angry/unexplained manner, may disrupts a child’s ability to plan for reunion and child doesn’t know where parents are witnessing violence between parents reduced capacity to attend child divorce may create fears in child that it will also be left by them hostile verbal communication threats of suicide fear of violence, prospect of loss emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 26  negative perceptions of self foster care families attachment behaviors towards their new caregivers within first few weeks do not predict long-term stability of placement, BUT foster parent’s commitment predict long term stability and adoption severe or chronic threats to caregiver responsiveness → disorganized/disoriented perceive their caregivers as “frightened or frightening” parents showed difficulties discussion loss and trauma during adult attachment interview: momentary lapses in “monitoring discourse or reason” disorientation loss of monitoring of discourse reports of extreme behavioral reactions older children’s strategies 1. a controlling hostile pattern 2. a controlling caregiving pattern → risk for psychopathology emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 27  in an adult attachment relationship threats to caregiver responsiveness may also undermine trust and communication forms of disengagement contemptuous or aloof responses, silent stonewalling, or actual physical withdrawal from the partner disengagement → effort to escape from painful interaction, heightens anxious and angry feelings + is associated with perceived threat to partner’s availability or responsiveness divorce process of divorce includes several dimensions: 1. emotional 2. legal 3. co-parental 4. economic 5. social 6. psychic marital disaffection: weakening over time of emotional attachment to the partner, person becomes estranged and indifferent from partner marriages often start to deteriorate way before divorce if relationship continues, it is bc of commitment to marriage co-parental divorce joint legal custody → both parents have input into decisions, parents need to work together children do better when they have contact with both parents, parenting quality is high from both parents and interparental conflict is low economic divorce assets are divided parents paying child support complain they pay too much, parents receving child support say its too little community divorce when parents detach from old couple friends but don’t have a new social support system emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 28  networks become smaller after divorce friends may dissociate with both to avoid choosing sides psychic divorce accepting relationship and and regaining sense of individuality aud autonomy → good for overall well being difficult bc there are no rituals especially for: non-initiators of the divorce long-married individuals who are attached to spousal roles and identities spiritual divorce divorce represents a religious transgression divorce involves: cutting ties with social support networks crisis in beliefs feelings of guilt and blame strange situation experiment toys used in some experiments episodes emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 29  group A, B or C unit 9: forming romantic relationships 1. a process model of couple relationships 2. a systemic model of couple relationships 3. adult attachment, stress and romantic relationships 3 distinctions 1. unidirectional communication: you don’t know the other person, starting to know → projection 2. bidirectional communication: you know the person, you base your output on the input you receive → intimacy, conding 3. communication from the identity of a couple → you feel you are a couple a process model of adult attachment formation emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 30  a systemic model of adult relationships how a sense of attachment security is related to the formation and maintenance of stable and satisfying couple relationships? secure attachment interactions 1. alleviate stress 2. proximity is maintained 3. positive sense of togetherness 4. foster the organization of interaction goals to get intimacy and closeness 5. involvement in long-lasting couple relationships positive mental representations of self and others attachment security → family system perspective 1. there are patterns in the interactions 2. dynamic system 3. hard to find a cause: there are bidirectional circular influences throughout time 4. our model of the world influences our interactions our interactions influence our model of the world 5. the whole is different to the sum of its parts emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 31  6. changes in one part of the system affects the whole system affect regulation and interaction goals 1. attachment security reflects a positive orientation toward long-term mating strategies 2. insecure people who interact with non-responsive others learn that: attachment behaviors are painful other interaction goals and behaviors should be developed as defences against the distress caused by attachment experiences anxiously-attached: interaction goals → hyperactivation of the attachment system avoidantly-attached: interaction goals → deactivation of the attachment system and a search for autonomy and control securely-attached: disclose more personal information, more disclose flexibility and reciprocity, and feel better interacting with a high disclosure partner systemic perspective: self-disclosure is not enough for creating intimacy and closeness a partner who seeks intimacy: should be responsive to partner’s communication reinforce the partner’s confidence in their good intentions promote more intimate disclosure mental representation of self and others interactions with non-responsive and unavailable others → more likely to experience themselves as incompetent and unlovable interactions with responsive and available others → more likely to experience themselves as competent and valuable self-representations and couple relationships positive models of self → form and maintain stable and satisfying relationships emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 32  feel more accepted and loved by partner encourage them to reciprocate this love and care for their partner high sense of self-efficacy constructive interpersonal problem solving strategies stability in relationships representations of others and couple relationships secure attachment includes: positive model of others; expect others will be caring trust partner is perceived as reliable and predictable, can be counted on and confident in strength of relationships vulnerability and openness — belief that partner will not abuse disclosed emotions → gratitude, warmth, love ⇒ relationship satisfaction interpret unexpected behaviors by partner in less relationship threatening terms → extension of model to family systems high concordance between: mothers’ working model of attachment their infants’ security of attachment after a brief separation measures of children’s adaptation with peers in later years hypotheses: continuity of relationship quality across generations quality of relationship between parents plays central role in generational transmission of working models of attachment emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 33  1. grandparents are responsive and available to their children 2. a secure adult finds a secure partner → marital satisfaction; regulate emotions and solve problems effectively 3. facilitates parents-child relationships 4. fosters a child’s ability to explore new ideas and relationship unit 10: sexuality in couple relationships attachment and sexuality in close relationships study 1 aims at clarifying: avoidant individuals more accepting of casual sex and sex without love more accepting of sex without commitment maintain distance and a sense of independence and autonomy → one of the most robust findings regarding attachment related differences in sexuality anxious-ambivalent women higher number of sexual partners outside of primary relationship emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 34  involved in voyeurism, exhibitionism and bondage anxious-ambivalent men sexually reticent secure men and women little involvement in ons and extra-relationship sex study 2 aims at exploring: no differences in homosexual and heterosexual individuals regarding their working models secure and dismissing individuals → less dependence, mistrust and self-doubt than preoccupied and fearful heterosexual individuals: security related to warm and responsive parents homosexual individuals: not related to early relationships with parents but more influences by peer relationships → for gay men: secure attachment predicted by self-acceptance and support from friends (not by support from family) but support from family predicts disclosure of sexual orientation multidimensional view of identity formation processes of self-definition, self-acceptance and disclosure → gay individuals more intensive love experiences in preoccupied individuals → same results in heterosexual and homosexual individuals emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 35  interpretation: 1. dismissive females defend themselves by distancing from their mothers and downplaying importance of their relationship 2. their mothers were already cold and rejecting secure attachment positively related to sexual identify formation close relationships and sexuality in gays and lesbians sexuality in the relationship of gay men modal couple had sex once or twice a week sexual frequency vary from one couple to another the longer a gay male couple is together the less frequently they engage in sexual activity majority is satisfied sexual satisfaction + sexual frequency are correlated and sexual satisfaction + relationship satisfaction were significantly correlated gender roles and sexual activity? people assume one adopts feminine (passive) role and other adopts masculine (dominant) role → do contemporary gay male couples actually adopt these butch and femme roles? no, typically do not fit into those categories social exclusivity and social openness → how common is nonmonogamy? emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 36  monogamy is not the norm the longer couple is together, the more likely are the partners having sex outside of the relationship → negotiating sexual openness parters often make agreements about relationship most men in open relationships had a set of rules: what matters is the agreement, not the rules itself often going from sexually exclusive to sexual openness over time both type of relationships can be very positive and rewarding aids crisis young gay men have adopted safer sex practices with casual partners but to a lesser extent with steady partners sexuality in the relationship of lesbian women big variation in sexual frequency but declines over time lesbian couples may have sex less often than other couples lesbian bed death = lesbian couples have sex less frequently than other couples and that sexual frequency declines rapidly → interpretation is controversial 1. gender socialization leads women to repress and ignore sexual feelings 2. women have difficulty being sexually assertive or taking the lead in initiating sexual activities with a partner, leading to low levels of sexual activity 3. men are generally more interested in sex than women → men’s desire encourages women fundamental challenge lesbians define sexual activity very differently emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 37  another issue sexual satisfaction and its correlates 1. many lesbians describe sex in their current relationship as very rewarding 2. comparative studies find much similarity between the sexual satisfaction of lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples 3. greater sexual satisfaction is associated with greater sexual frequency issues for further study 1. sexual satisfaction was greater for lesbians in couples where partners were relatively equal in initiating sex and in refusing to have sex 2. “dyadic attachment” = shared activities, sexual fidelity, and knowing that the relationship would endure into the future women who scored high on dyadic attachment reported greater sexual satisfaction 3. orgasm lesbians have orgasms more often than do heterosexual women differences in the knowledge and sexual techniques of women’s partners differences in the emotional quality of sexual experiences may be equally important → paradox?? on the one hand, lesbian relationships may increase the likelihood of orgasm and on the other hand, many lesbians emphasize their enjoyment of nongenital kissing and cuddling do lesbian women play the masculine/feminine role? idea was refuted they often share all responsibilities → why is it believed tho? strict society — women had to adopt to either tole to gain social acceptance a newer version of butch-femme roles reemerged in some communities sexual exclusivity appears to be the norm emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 38  ⇒ sexual fidelity was positively related to relationship satisfaction for lesbian and heterosexual couple but NOT for gay male couples 16.10 set up → upset (change, reality - fixing problem) → set down (generative → remediative → life learning) emotions are based on our meanings remediative intervention life learning about self/others/world… emotional bonds and emotional and sexual orientation 39