Seven Ways to Improve Your Conversations PDF

SEVEN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR CONVERSATIONS Unit 3 (p. 40 – p. 49) Barker, A. (2022). Improve Your Communication Skills. Kogan Page. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  Table of Contents 1. Clarify Your Objective🎯...

SEVEN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR CONVERSATIONS Unit 3 (p. 40 – p. 49) Barker, A. (2022). Improve Your Communication Skills. Kogan Page. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  Table of Contents 1. Clarify Your Objective🎯 2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔 3. Manage Your Time⌛😰 4. Find Common Ground🤍☮️ 5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 6. Summarise Often 7. Use Visuals 📊📝  Seven Strategies to Improve Conversations We hold all sorts of conversations at work. Some are relaxed chats, aka ‘water-cooler talk’; others are planned. How can we improve them, making them more productive? Seven Strategies for Effective Conversations 2. 3. Manage 5. Move 6. 1. Clarify 4. Find 7. Use Structure your time beyond Summarise your common visuals 📊📝 your ⌛😰 argument🪜😡 often objective🎯 ground🤍☮️ thinking💡🤔 By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  1. Clarify Your Objective🎯 Think of a conversation as a journey you are taking with another person. You will both very quickly start to wander off track if you do not know where you are going, aka destination, ‘objective’. State your objective clearly at the start as a headline and ask yourself: ‘problem, solution or both?’, “I want to talk to you about the group project”. Objectives are divided into two categories: 1) exploring a problem 2) finding a solution. We often assume that any conversation about a problem must be aiming to find a solution. As a result, we may find ourselves working towards a solution without accurately defining or understanding the problem. In a meeting, announce the objectives of the conversation on the agenda, ‘things to be done’. In order to state the objective, use your agenda to list what you want to do in the meeting, not just what you want to talk about. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah Of course, it is fine if you decide to change your objective in the middle of the conversation – just as you might decide to change direction in the middle of a journey, as 1. Clarify Your Objective🎯 By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations You can improve your conversations enormously by giving them structure. The simplest way to structure a conversation is to break it into two halves. We can imagine thinking as a process in two stages. - First, we do first-stage thinking (perception), using my perception to exploring reality and translate what we have found into language or words. - Second, we do second-stage thinking (judgement), manipulating the language to decide what to do about it. We often ignore first-stage thinking, assuming that we know what we are looking at. However, the quality of our second-stage thinking depends directly on the quality of our first-stage thinking. As a result, we may find ourselves working towards a solution without accurately defining or understanding the problem. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations If our perception of a situation is limited, then our judgement about it will be limited. If we misunderstand a problem, then we may come up with a poor solution. We sometimes think that we can focus too hard, and too quickly, on solutions. Under pressure of time and the drive for results, we leap to second- stage thinking without spending nearly enough time in the first stage. We do not explore the problems we are trying to solve or sometime we may not want to look too long at a problem, pushing it away or ignoring it, hoping that it will disappear. However, regardless of how troubling the problem may be, try to explore it as fully as possible. Give first-stage thinking as much time and attention as you can. Make sure that all participants By: in the Ms. conversation Noha H. Salah are at the same stage of thinking at the same time.  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations We can break down the two stages of thinking into four conversations. These are conversations for: relationship, possibility, opportunity and action. These four conversations may form part of a single, larger conversation or may take place separately, at different stages of a process or project. These four conversations will only be truly effective if you hold them in order. The success of each conversation depends on the success of the conversation before it. If you fail to resolve a conversation, it will continue underneath the By: Ms. Noha H. Salah next in code.  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations A Conversation for Relationship This conversation lays the foundation for the other three. We hold this conversation to create or develop the relationship in order to achieve our objective. Key questions in this conversation will include: Who are we? What is the problem? How do you define the problem? How do we relate to the matter in hand? What links us? How do we see things? Conversations for relationship may be tentative, awkward or embarrassing. We often rush them. So be patient. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations A Conversation for Possibility A conversation for possibility continues the exploration: it develops first-stage thinking. It asks what we might be looking at. A conversation for possibility is not about whether to do something, or what to do. It seeks to find new ways or angles of looking at the problem. We could look at any problem in lots of different ways: If you are stuck with a problem, try one of these strategies: look at it from a new angle, ask for different interpretations of what is happening, try to distinguish what you are looking at from what you think about it, ask how other people might see it, break the problem into parts, isolate one part of the problem and look at it in detail, connect the problem into a wider network of ideas, or ask what the problem is like, what does it look like, or feel like? Conversations for possibility can be very creative: brainstorming is a good example. But exploring different points of view can also create conflict: what Edward de Bono calls ‘adversarial thinking’. This is not decision time. If you are chairing a meeting encourage people to give you ideas, do not criticize or judge either the ideasBy: or the Ms.person Noha H.and manage the emotional content of this Salah conversation with particular care by asking gently for evidence.  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations A Conversation for Opportunity A conversation for opportunity takes us into second-stage thinking. Key questions in this conversation include: Where can we act? What could we do? Which possibilities do we build on? Which possibilities are feasible? What target do we set ourselves? Where are the potential obstacles? How will we know that we have succeeded? This conversation focuses on future action, planning and choosing from among a number of possibilities. Many of our good ideas never become reality because we do not map out paths of opportunity. A conversation for opportunity constructs such a path, assessing what you would need to make action possible: resources, support and skills. Backward planning, which allows you to simplify the plan and find new opportunities for action, can often be more effective than forward planning. Recall your original objective. Has it changed? Place yourselves in a future where you have achieved your objective. What does such a future look like? What is happening? What do you need to do to create that future? By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations A Conversation for Action In this conversation, you agree what to do, who will do it and when it will happen. Translating opportunity into action needs more than agreement; you need to generate a promise, a commitment to act. A conversation for action is essential at the end of an interview or meeting. After all, if nothing happens as a result of these conversations, why hold them? A conversation for action balances asking and promising. If necessary, take this conversation step By: Ms. Noha by step. H. Salah  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations Relationship Possibility Opportunity Action or or or or Welcome Acquire Solution Part State Gather Develop each Create a objective. information idea or option detailed plan. Establish or about topic as through Assign tasks. build rapport. much as backward Set deadlines. possible to find planning, stating new angles its challenges, through benefits and brainstorming. deadline. Do not judge Pick the most nor criticize promising idea and limit or option. emotional content during By: Ms. Noha H. Salah brainstorming  2. Structure Your Thinking💡🤔: Two Stages of Thinking and Four Types of Conversations A group of four high school students assigned a group project on climate change. Goal: Establish trust, understanding, and roles within the group. Relations hip Discussion: The students introduce themselves, share their interests, discuss their strengths and weaknesses and agree on a group leader, communication channels, and meeting times. Goal: Brainstorm ideas and explore different approaches to the project. Possibility Discussion: The students brainstorm potential topics, such as the causes of climate change, its effects on ecosystems, or sustainable solutions. They consider their interests, the teacher's requirements, and the availability of resources. Goal: Evaluate the potential benefits and challenges of each idea and select the most promising one. Opportuni ty Discussion: The students discuss the potential impact of each topic, the level of difficulty, and the availability of research materials. They agree on a topic: "The Impact of Climate Change on Coastal Communities." Goal: Create a detailed project plan, assign tasks, and set deadlines. Action Discussion: The students divide the project into sections (research, writing, presentation), assign tasks based on each member's strengths and interests, set deadlines for each section and agree on a timeline for the final presentation. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah Throughout the project, the students continue to engage in these types of conversations to ensure effective  3. Manage Your Time⌛😰 Manage Time In Manage Time For Conversations take Conversation to0 fast Conversation too slow time, a non- Reason: Reason: renewable resource. 1. Agreement: Even though consensus 1. People stuck with a problem Thus, can be a positive outcome, it can also or with only one view of a 1. Set the lead to rushing decisions without fully problem exploring all options. This is known as 2. People are analysing the conversation at a "groupthink," where people agree past instead of looking to or convenient time and because it feels comforting to agree moving forward with the future. if necessary 3. People are wandering off the reschedule to a and to avoid conflict. subject. time convenient for 2. Conflict: Disagreements can flare or both of you escalate into an emotional argument, 2. Work out how causing the conversation to speed up much time you have uncontrollably. and do not just Solution: Solution: assume that there Slow down by giving enough time to the Inject energy into the is no time. 1st stage thinking. conversation by pushing for action through the 2nd stage By: Ms. Noha H. Salah thinking.  4. Find Common Ground🤍☮️ The goal of any successful conversation at the core is to seek and find shared understanding or common ground, opinions or interests shared by each of two or more parties. Each person starts at their own private territory, with their own POVs, then we use the conversation to find openings and loopholes in order to cross over to the other’s territory, changing our position, shifting our POVs and finding common ground. In order to cross over to the person’s side or territory, we ask for permission Verbally Hesitantly or Tentatively Explicitly Perhaps we might… Do you mind if I mention… I suppose I think… May I speak freely about… It’s possible that… *Pause before speaking and look away or down. Do not proceed until the other person has given their permission. Accept Permission Refuse Permission Verbally Explicitly Non-Verbally Verbally Explicitly Non-Verbally Please say what you like. Nodding I’d rather we don’t talk about Evade your question I would really welcome Smiling this. Answer vaguely your honest opinion. Leaning forward Reply with another question I don’t mind you talking Folding their arms about that. Leaning backward (sitting back in the chair) Becoming restless Evade eye contact. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  4. Find Common Ground🤍☮️ Finding Common Ground Scenario Example: Choosing a Movie to Watch Person A: I'm in the mood for a comedy tonight. Person B: (Hesitantly) I usually prefer romantics, but I'm open to something new. Person A: How about we try a romantic comedy? They're usually lighthearted and funny, but they can also have some emotional depth. Person B: (Nodding) That sounds like a good compromise. I'm interested in seeing what you recommend. Person A: I saw this movie called 'Love Actually' recently, which’s a collection In of short this scenario, stories Person A and about Person love, andhave B initially it's really heartwarming. different preferences for movies. However, by using tentative language and seeking permission, Person A is able to suggest a compromise and reach common ground Person that B: (Smiling) both parties findI've heard Person acceptable. good B's things about nonverbal that cues movie. and verbal cues indicate their agreement Let's watch it!. and willingness to proceed with the suggestion. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 One of the most effective ways of improving your conversations is to move beyond argument. Too often, we assume that the only way to explore someone else’s idea is to argue against it. Adversarial thinking seems to be deeply engrained in us, perhaps because so many of us learn the skills of debating at school. A debate, derives from Latin ‘to beat down’, is like a verbal boxing match. By the rules of debate, your opinions are somehow proved to be correct if you can successfully discredit any opposing opinions. You do not even have to prove that an idea is wrong; merely by ridiculing or discrediting the person voicing it, you may be able to persuade others that you are right. This is sometimes called an ad hominem argument. As a result, conversations have a habit of becoming adversarial, characterized by conflict or opposition. But argument, however formally conducted, stops us from exploring and discovering new ideas and can threaten the quality of theH.conversation By: Ms. Noha Salah itself by raising its emotional temperature: because instead of searching out the common ground,  5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 The ‘ladder of inference’, developed by Chris Argyris, takes our conversations beyond argument and develops the principle of pattern-matching into a set of steps on a ladder. We pattern-match on each step. At the bottom of the ladder is observation, while, at the top, action. 1. We first observe. (I observe) 2. We step onto the first rung of the ladder by selecting data, choosing what to look at. (I select data) 3. We infer meaning from our experience of similar data. (I infer meaning from the data) 4. We generalize those meanings into assumptions. (I make assumptions based on the meanings I inferred) 5. We construct mental models (or beliefs) out of those assumptions. (I adopt By: Ms. Noha H. Salah beliefs based on my assumptions)  5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 We travel up and down this ladder whenever we hold a conversation. We are often much better at climbing up than stepping down; in fact, we can leap up all the rungs in a few seconds. These ‘leaps of abstraction’ allow us to act more quickly, but they can also limit the scope of the conversation by creating a belief or mental model that limits our thinking. These beliefs can also send us back down the ladder and filter our observations – we select only the data that fits our belief. Argyris calls this a ‘reflexive loop’; we might also call it a ‘mindset’. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah The ladder of inference gives us more choices about where to go in a  5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 The ladder of inference allows us - to move beyond argument by helping us make better decisions that are based on facts and reality, avoiding conflicts and arguments by breaking up your thinking process which happens inside our heads in a matter of milliseconds consequently slowing it down, helping you avoid jumping to wrong conclusions - to become more aware of our own thinking and to ask others about their thinking - to offer or make our own thinking available for others to examine. If we are suggesting a plan of action, we can ask them: ‘Can you see any flaws in my thinking?’ ‘Would you look at this stuff differently?’ ‘How would you put this together?’ ‘Would this look different in different circumstances?’ ‘Are my assumptions valid?’ ‘Have I missed anything?’ - to defuse an adversarial conversation by ‘climbing down’ from private beliefs, assumptions and opinions (slowing down our thinking) and then ‘climbing up’ to shared meanings and beliefs, intervening in conversations that are collapsing into argument, requiring no special training. By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 The key to using the ladder of inference is to gather more data by asking questions which will ultimately remove any assumptions. - What is the data that underlies what you have said? - Do we agree on the data? - Do we agree on what they mean? - Can you take me through your reasoning? - When you say [what you have said], do you mean [my rewording of it]? For example, if one of us suggests a course of action, the other can carefully climb down the ladder by asking: - ‘Why do you think this might work?’ ‘What makes this a good plan?’ - ‘What assumptions do you think you might be making?’ ‘Have you considered…?’ - ‘How would this affect…?’ ‘Does this mean that…?’ - ‘Can you give me an example?’ ‘What led you to look at this in particular?’ By: Ms. Noha H. Salah 5. Move Beyond Argument (Ladder of Inference)🪜😡 By: Ms. Noha H. Salah  6. Summarise Often Summaries help us to do everything else we have been discussing in this chapter, allowing us to check our objective, structure the conversation, manage time and seek common ground and defuse arguments. Summarizing is not merely repeating what the other person has just said. To summarize means to reinterpret their ideas in your own language, involving: - recognizing the specific point they have made (you are thinking about what they have said) + listening attentively, making the person feel heard - appreciating the positionBy: orMs. Noha H. Salahfrom which they say it perspective  6. Summarise Often Example Imagine you are having a conversation with a friend about the benefits of online learning. Your friend might say, "I think online learning is great because it's so flexible. I can learn at my own pace and on my own schedule.” To summarize your friend's statement, you could say, "You believe that online learning is beneficial because of its flexibility." Recognizing: You recognize that your friend believes online learning is beneficial due to its flexibility. Appreciating: You appreciate that your friend values the ability to learn at their own pace. Understanding: You understand that your friend's belief is likely By: Ms. Noha H. Salah influenced by their personal experiences with online learning and their  7. Use Visuals📝 Studies show that people remember: 20% of they hear — 80% of what they see. This is because the human brain process visual cues better rather than the spoken language. Thus, your conversations will certainly improve, if people are able to see or visualize your thinking, ideas or concepts, making meetings more disciplined, more inclusive and more enjoyable. Ways to achieve a visual image of your conversation: 1. Flipcharts, They help you make your thinking visible. sketchpads, notepads, sticky notes, whiteboards, smartboards, slide decks and interactive screens 2. Mind maps Mind maps are a powerful way to visualize your thinking by making meaningful connections between ideas (first-stage thinking by linking elements), make it easier to retain information, and simplify complex ideas or concepts and organize ideas. Many managers use mind maps to record meetings (handwritten or digitally). 3. Metaphor A metaphor, one of the most powerful visuals that is created with the words we use, carries your meaning from one thing to another by creating an image in the other person’s mind, enabling the listener to see something in a new way by By: Ms. Noha H. Salah picturing it as something else, “The finals are like a dense jungle”. 7. Use Visuals📝 7. Use Visuals By: Ms. Noha H. Salah THE END! :D By: Ms. Noha H. Salah