The Queen's Goat PDF

THERE WAS ONCE a queen who had no pets. She was not allowed to have cats because cats spread cat hair on the cushions. She was not allowed to have dogs because dogs tracked mud all over the palace on their paws. 'No pets!' said the housekeeper firmly. 'No pets!' echoed the butler. Outside, near t...

THERE WAS ONCE a queen who had no pets. She was not allowed to have cats because cats spread cat hair on the cushions. She was not allowed to have dogs because dogs tracked mud all over the palace on their paws. 'No pets!' said the housekeeper firmly. 'No pets!' echoed the butler. Outside, near the castle orchard, there was a white goat which belonged to the gardener. The goat's name was Carmen. Carmen was not a pet. She was a working goat. Her job was to keep the grass around the edge of the orchard short and tidy. Every day the gardener shifted Carmen, chained to her goathouse, to another grassy spot. The Queen enjoyed visiting Carmen and gave her crusts saved from breakfast (even though queens are supposed to eat up all their crusts to make their hair curl). She noticed that Carmen often stood on top of her goathouse looking longingly towards the distant mountains. 'When I am a grown-up queen,' the Queen promised Carmen, 'you and I will go to those mountains.' \* \* \* One day a special-looking letter was delivered to the Queen. It said that there was to be a pet show in the park and invited the Queen to join the great parade with her pet. There would be prizes for the wettest pet, the driest pet, for the brightest pet and the funniest pet. There would be prizes, too, for the shyest crocodile and the fiercest mouse. 'Oh, what a pity you can't go, Your Majesty,' said the butler, reading over her shoulder (which was not very polite). 'You don't have a pet. But never mind. At least there is no cat hair on the cushions!' The Queen, however, was determined to go to the pet show. She put on her best clothes as well as her crown (held on straight with special elastic), and out she went to the orchard. She found the gardener having a private snooze under an apple tree, while Carmen stood on her goathouse, looking longingly towards the mountains. 'You and I are going to the pet show,' announced the Queen, undoing Carmen's chain. The moment she was unchained, Carmen took off like a hairy rocket, heading straight for the distant mountains. Carmen was extremely strong, but a good queen knows how to hang on tightly, so off they went. They whizzed through the royal petunias. Then they went *bumpity-bump-bump-bump* across the lawn, under the flowering cherries, and through the hedge into Mrs Zingler's back garden. Mrs Zingler was hanging the washing out on her merry-go-round clothesline when something unexpected struck, whirling her round thirty-two times. 'Oh, my sainted Harry!' she shrieked, letting go and staggering about in dizzy circles. 'What was that? Where's my lacy petticoat? Where are my husband's sporting red long johns?' But the Queen and Carmen were already speeding through Admiral Tompkin's shrubbery. The Admiral had given himself a flagpole for his birthday. It stood in the middle of the garden. Admiral Tompkins was in the act of raising a whole string of naval flags when---*whizzz*! Something covered in petunias and wearing a lacy petticoat and bright red long johns knocked his feet right out from under him. 'Confound it!' he cried. 'What on earth was that? It has carried off all my favourite flags.' But the Queen and Carmen had whisked over his fence and across the crazy paving where Mr and Mrs Flip, the ballroom dancers, were practising a complicated dance with tambourines. Something sent them spinning round like tops. 'Horrakapotchkin!' cried Mr Flip. 'Whatever that was has carried off our two tambourines!' But not for a moment did the Queen and Carmen stop. They splashed through the stream on the other side of the crazy paving, still speeding towards the distant mountains. Fortunately, the park was in a direct line with the mountains. Though Carmen may not have realised it, she was heading straight for the pet show, dragging the Queen after her. Faster than bullets, they shot under the ladder Mr Wallace was standing on to polish his windows. His polishing rag was an old satin nightdress that his wife had put out in the ragbag. Mr Wallace flew one way. His ladder flew another. 'Mercy!' cried Mr Wallace, his bald head covered with window-cleaning fluid. 'What was that? And what has happened to my satin polishing rag?' There was no reply, as Carmen and the Queen had already dashed off towards the park. But even an energetic goat like Carmen eventually had to slow down. Petunias were tangled around her ears, and a tambourine was impaled on each horn. She was wearing red long johns, a frilly lace petticoat and, draped gracefully around her neck, a satin nightgown, as well as several naval flags---all most unsuitable for a goat. Luckily the Queen (clinging desperately to the chain) was surprisingly strong for such a small monarch. 'Carmen,' cried the Queen, catching her breath. 'Remember the pet show!' Carmen gave one last, lingering look at the distant mountains. That look said, 'I've done my best, but I'll never get there now!' Then through the park gates came the Queen and Carmen at a steady trot. By a remarkable coincidence they were just in time to join the great parade. Exhausted from dragging royalty through a bed of petunias and four gardens, Carmen behaved perfectly. People exclaimed in pleasure at the sight of the well-dressed goat. Mrs Zingler, Admiral Tompkins, Mr and Mrs Flip, not to mention Mr Wallace---who had all run wildly after Carmen and the Queen---now stood in a row under the trees, round-eyed with admiration and somewhat out of breath. Carmen wasn't the wettest pet; nor was she the driest. She wasn't the brightest or the funniest. Anyone could see at a glance she wasn't a crocodile or a mouse. All the same, she did win a prize. 'A gold cup for the best-dressed pet in the parade!' announced the Mayor. Everyone clapped loudly, especially Mrs Zingler, Admiral Tompkins, Mr and Mrs Flip and Mr Wallace---thrilled to see their clothes and flags and tambourines displayed on such a distinguished goat. After a triumph like that, Carmen became the official royal pet. She did not leave hair on the cushions, though she did sometimes eat them. And, once a year, the Queen and Carmen went on a holiday to the distant mountains, while the housekeeper and the butler stayed behind to polish the gold cup.