The Call: Finding and Fulfilling Your Life's Purpose (PDF)

 THE CALL FINDING AND FULFILLING THE CENTRAL PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE Os Guinness WORD PUBLISHING Nashville London Vancouver Melbourne Copyright © 1998 Os Guinness. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,...

 THE CALL FINDING AND FULFILLING THE CENTRAL PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE Os Guinness WORD PUBLISHING Nashville London Vancouver Melbourne Copyright © 1998 Os Guinness. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other--except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture references are from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. The author expresses appreciation for permission to reprint from these sources: Amadeus by Peter Schaffer. Copyright © 1980, 1981 by Peter Schaffer. Published by HarperCollins. "The Memorial" from Pensees by Blaise Pascal, translated by A.J. Krailsheimer. Published by Penguin Classics. "Who Am I?" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer from Letters and Papers from Prison, The Enlarged Edition © 197 1 by SCM Press and by HarperCollins Publishers, Ltd. Sonnet No. 285 from The Poetry ofMichelangelo, translated by James M. Saslow. Published by Yale University Press. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Guinness, Os. The call : finding and fulfilling the central purpose of your life I Os Guinness. p. em. ISBN 0-8499-1291-1 1. Vocations-Christianity-Meditations. 2. Devotional calendars. I. Title. BV4740.G85 1998 248.4-dc21 97-52654 CIP Printed in the U.nited States ofAmerica 0 1 2 3 4 5 9 BVG 9  D.O.M and to CJ with love and gratitude.  CONTENTS 1. The Ultimate Why.......................... 1 2. Seekers Sought............................ 8 3. The Haunting Question..................... 17 4. Everyone, Everywhere, Everything............... 27 5. By Him, to Him, for Him.................... 37 6. Do What You Are......................... 44 7. A Time to Stand.......................... 55 8. Let God Be God.......................... 62 9. The Audience of One....................... 71 10. Our Utmost for His Highest Still................ 79 11. Where the Buck Stops, There Stand I............. 88 12. People of the Call.......................... 96 13. Followers of the Way....................... 106 14. There but for the Grace of God Goes God.......... 115 15. What Is That to You?....................... 125 16. More, More, Faster, Faster.................... ' 134 17. Combating the Noonday Demon............... 144 18. A World with Windows..................... 153 19. Locked out and Staying There................. 162 20. A Focused Life........................... 172 21. Dreamers of the Day....................... 182 22. Patches of Godlight........................ 194 23. Let All Your Thinks Be Thanks................. 204 24. Everybody's Fools......................... 213 25. The Hour Has Come...................... 225 26. Last Call.............................. 237 Acknowledgments................................... 248 Note: These chapters have been written as a series of individual meditations, to be read one day at a time.  1 THE ULTIMATE WHY A s you know, I have been very fortunate in my career and I've made a lot of money-far more than I ever dreamed of, far more than I could ever spend, far more than my family needs." The speaker was a prominent businessman at a conference near Oxford University. The strength of his determination and character showed in his face, but a moment's hesitation betrayed deeper emotions hidden behind the outward intensity. A single tear rolled slowly down his well-tanned cheek. "To be honest, one of my motives for making so much money was simple-to have the money to hire people to do what I don't like doing. But there's one thing I've never been able to hire anyone to do for me: find my own sense of purpose and fulfillment. I'd give anything to discover that." In more than thirty years of public speaking and in countless conversations around the world, I have heard that issue come up more than any other. f,..t some point every one of us confronts the question: How do I find and fulfill the central purpose of my life? Other questions may be logically prior to and lie even deeper than this one-for example, Who am I? What is the meaning oflife itself? But few questions are raised more loudly and more insistently today than the first. As modern people we are all on a search for signifi- cance. We desire to make a difference. We long to leave a legacy. We yearn, as Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "to leave the world a bit bet- ter." Our passion is to know that we are fulfilling the purpose for which we are here on earth.  The Call All other standards of success-wealth, power, position, knowledge, friendships-grow tinny and hollow ifwe do not satisfY this deeper long- ing. For some people the hollowness leads to what Henry Thoreau described "as lives of quiet desperation"; for others the emptiness and aimlessness deepen into a stronger despair. In an early draft of Fyodor Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov, the Inquisitor gives a terrifYing account ofwhat happens to the human soul when it doubts its purpose: "For the secret of man's being is not only to live... but to live for something definite. Without a firm notion of what he is living for, man will not accept life and will rather destroy himself than remain on earth.... " Call it the greatest good (summum bonum), the ultimate end, the meaning of life, or whatever you choose. But finding and fulfilling the purpose of our lives comes up in myriad ways and in all the sea- sons of our lives: Teenagers feel it as the world of freedom beyond home and sec- ondary school beckons with a dizzying range of choices. Graduate students confront it when the excitement of "the world is my oyster" is chilled by the thought that opening up one choice 'means closing down others. Those in their early thirties know it when their daily work assumes its own brute reality beyond their earlier considerations of the wishes of their parents, the fashions of their peers, and the allure of salary and career prospects. People in midlife face it when a mismatch between their gifts and their work reminds them daily that they are square pegs in round holes. Can they see themselves "doing that for the rest of their lives"? Mothers feel it when their children grow up, and they wonder which high purpose will fill the void in the next stage of their lives. People in their forties and fifties with enormous success suddenly come up against it when their accomplishments raise questions con- cerning the social responsibility ~f their success and, deeper still, the purpose of their lives. People confront it in all the varying transitions of life-from moving homes to switching jobs to breakdowns in marriage to crises of health. Negotiating the changes feels longer and worse than the 2  The Ultirpate Why changes themselves because transition challenges our sense of per- sonal meaning. Those in their later years often face it again. What does life add up to? Were their successes real, and were they worth the trade-offs? Having gained a whole world, however huge or tiny, have we sold our souls cheaply and missed the point of it all? As Walker Percy wrote, "You can get all N.s and still flunk life." This issue, the question of his own life-py.rpose, is what drove the Danish thinker S0ren Kierkegaard in the nineteenth century. As he realized well, personal purpose is not a matter of philosophy or theory. It is not purely objective, and it is not inherited like a legacy. Many a scientist has an encyclopedic knowledge of the world, many a philosopher can survey vast systems of t~ought, many a theologian can unpack the profundities of religion, and many a journalist can seemingly speak on any topic raised. But all that is theory and, with- out a sense of personal purpose, vanity. Deep in our hearts, we all want to find and fulfill a purpose big- ger than ourselves. Only such a larger purpose can inspire us to heights we know we could never reach on our own. For each of us the real purpose is personal and passionate: to know what we are here to do, and why. Kierkegaard wrote in his journal: "The thing is to under- stand myself, to see what God really wants me to do; the thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die." In our own day this question is urgent in the highly modern parts of the world, and there is a simple reason why. Three factors have converged to fuel a search for significance without precedent in human history. First, the search for the purpose of life is one of the deepest issues of our experiences as human beings. Second, the expectation that we can all live purposeful lives has been given a gigantic boost by modern society's offer of the maximum opportunity for choice and change in all we do. Third, fulfillment of the search for purpose is thwarted by a stunning fact: Out of more than a score of great civ- ilizations in human history, modern Western civilization is the very first to have no agreed-on answer to the question of the purpose of 3  The Call life. Thus more ignorance, confusion-and longing-surround this topic now than at almost any time in history. The trouble is that, as modern people, we have too much to live with and too little to live for. Some feel they have time but not enough money; others feel they have money but not enough time. But for most of us, in the midst of material plenty, we have spiritual poverty. This book is for all who long to find and fulfill the purpose of their lives. It argues that this purpose can be found only when we discover the specific purpose for which we were created and to which we are called. Answering the call of our Creator is "the ultimate why" for living, the highest source of purpose in human existence. Apart from such a calling, all hope of discover~ng purpose (as in the current talk of shifting "from success to significance") will end in dis- appointment. To be sure, calling is not what it is commonly thought to be. It has to be dug out from under the rubble of ignorance and confusion. And, uncomfortably, it often flies directly in the face of our human inclinations. But nothing short of God's call can ground and fulfill the truest human desire for purpose. The inadequacy of other answers is growing clearer by the day. Capitalism, for all its creativity and fruitfulness, falls short when chal- lenged to answer the question "Why?" By itself it is literally mean- ing-less, in that it is only a mechanism, not a source of meaning. So too are politics, science, psychology, management, self-help tech- niques, and a host of other modern theories. What Tolstoy wrote of science applies to all of them: "Science is meaningless because it gives no answer to our question, the only question important to us, 'what shall we do and how shall we live?'" There is no answer outside a quest for purpose and no answer to the quest is deeper and more sat- isfying than answering the call. What do I mean by "calling"? For the moment let me say sim- ply that calling is the truth that God calls us to himselfso decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion and dynamism lived out as a response to his sum- mons and service. This truth-calling-has been a driving force in many of the 4  The Ultimate Why greatest "leaps forward" in world history-the constitution of the Jewish nation at Mount Sinai, the birth of the Christian movement in Galilee, and the sixteenth-century Reformation and its incalcu- lable impetus to the rise of the modern world, to name a few. Little wonder that the rediscovery of calling should be critical today, not least in satisfying the passion for purpose of millions of questing mod- ern people. For whom is this book written? For all who seek such purpose. For all, whether believers or seekers, who are open to the call of the most influential person in history-Jesus of Nazareth. In particular, this book is written for those who know that their source of purpose must rise above the highest of self-help humanist hopes and who long for their faith to have integrity and effectiveness in the face of all the challenges of the modern world. Let me speak personally. I've written several books during the last twenty-five years, but no book has burned within me longer or more fiercely than this one. The truth of calling has been as important to me in my journey of faith as any truth of the gospel of Jesus. In my early days of following Jesus, I was nearly swayed by others to head toward spheres of work they believed were worthier for everyone and · right for me. If I was truly dedicated, they said, I should train to be a minister or a missionary. (We will examine this fallacy of "full-time religious service" in chapter 4.) Coming to understand calling liber- ated me from their well-meaning but false teaching and set my feet on the path that has been God's way for me. I did not know it then, but the start of my search (and the gen- esis of this book) lay in a chance conversation in the 1960s, in the days before self-service gas stations. I had just had my car filled up with gas and enjoyed a marvelously rich conversation with the pump attendant. & I turned the key and the engine of the forty-year-old Austin Seven roared to life, a thought suddenly hit me with the force of an avalanche: This man was the first person I had spoken to in a week who was not a church member. I was in danger of being drawn into a religious ghetto. Urged on all sides to see that, because I had come to faith, my 5  The Call future must lie in the ministry, I had volunteered to work in a well- known church for nine months-and was miserable. To be fair, I admired the pastor and the people and enjoyed much of the work. But it just wasn't me. My passion was to relate my faith to the excit- ing and exploding secular world of early 1960s Europe, but there was little or no scope for that in the ministry. Ten minutes of conversa- tion with a friendly gas pump attendant on a beautiful spring evening in Southampton, England, and I knew once and for all that I was not cut out to be a minister. Needless to say, recognizing who we aren't is only the first step toward knowing who we are. Escape from a false sense of life-pur- pose is only liberating if it leads to a true one. Journalist Ambrose Bierce reached only halfway. "When I was in my twenties," he wrote, "I concluded one day that I was not a poet. It was the bitterest moment of my life." Looking back on the years since my conversation at the gas sta- tion, I can see that calling was positive for me, not negative. Released from what was "not me," my discovery of my calling enabled me to find what I was. Having wrestled with the stirring saga of calling in history and having taken up the challenge of God's individual call to me, I have been mastered by this truth. God's call has become a sure beacon ahead of me and a blazing fire within me as I have tried to figure out my way and negotiate the challenges of the extraordinary times in which we live. The chapters that follow are not academic or theoretical; they have been hammered out on the anvil of my own expenence. Do you long to discover your own sense of purpose and fulfill- ment? Let me be plain. You will not find here a "one-page executive summary, " a "how-to manual" , a "twe1ve-step program, " or a ready- made "game plan" for figuring out the rest of your life. What you will find may point you toward one of the most powerful and truly awesome truths that has ever arrested the human heart. "In Ages of Faith," Alexis de Tocqueville observed, "the final aim oflife is placed beyond life." That is what calling does. "Follow me," Jesus said two thousand years ago, and he changed the course 6  The Ultimate Why of history. That is why calling provides the Archimedean point by which faith moves the world. That is why calling is the most com- prehensive reorientation and the most profound motivation in human experience-the ultimate Why for living in all history. Calling begins and ends such ages, and lives, of faith by placing the final aim of life beyond the world where it was meant to be. Answering the call is the way to find and fulfill the central purpose of your life. Do you have a reason for being, a focused sense ofpurpose in your life? Or is your life the product ofshifting resolutions and the myriad pulls offorces outside yourself? Do you want to go beyond success to significance? Have you come to realize that self-reliance always falls short and that world-denying solutions provide no answer in the end? Listen to jesus of Nazareth; answer his call. 7 _ _ _ _ _2 SEEKERS SOUGHT H e was only sixty-four years old, but battered by the vagaries of life, he was taken to be in his seventies. Nearing the end of his life far from his sunlit Italy, burdened by the irreparable disintegra- tion of his greatest masterpiece, and brooding on his life's grand fail- ures, he was submerged in melancholy. Almost doodling perhaps, he took a sheet and drew a series oflittle rectangles. Each one stood for one of his life's great endeavors, the dreams and aspirations that had inspired his adult days as the greatest artist of his generation and probably the most versatile and creative inventor of all time. First he sketched the little rectangles upright. But then, as if he'd pushed them, he drew them toppling one on.top of another like col- lapsing dominoes. Underneath he wrote, "One pushes down the other. By these little blocks are meant the life and the efforts of men." Who, knowing his story, could blame Leonardo da Vinci? Strong, handsome, gifted, self-reliant, and ambitious, he had set out in life with extraordinary assurance but refreshing modesty. When he was young and living in Florence, he had even copied into his notebook the verse: Let him who cannot do the thing he would Will to do that he can. To will is foolish Where there's no power to do. That man is wise Who, if he cannot, does not wish he could. But da Vinci soon left such cautious modesty behind. Throughout 8  Seekers Sought his adult life, whether in Florence, Milan, Rome, or France, he was bent on stretching the limits of his powers. Some would say he merely exemplified the hard lot of artists amid the rivalries, jealousies, and favoritisms of the world of Renaissance art and its patrons. As Giorgio Vasari, the Renaissance artist and historian, wrote, "Florence treats its artists as time its creatures: it creates them and then slowly destroys and consumes them." Others, both then and later, said that da Vinci would have been wiser to concentrate on a few gifts rather than the many that com- prised his genius. This lack of focus, they said, was why he "pro- crastinated" while others, like Michelangelo, "produced." ''Alas," Pope Leo X exclaimed dismissively of da Vinci, "this man will never get anything done, for he is thinking about the end before he begins." Vasari himself regretted that da Vinci had not kept to painting rather than pursuing his myriad inventions that were years, sometimes cen- turies, before their time. But the real problem lay elsewhere. The creator ofsuch peerless masterpieces as the Last Supper and the Mona Lisa was a passionate seeker with a voracious hunger for knowledge and a pressing sense of the fleeting nature of time. But da Vinci's creative gifts, his ardent pursuit of knowledge, and his awareness of the brevity of life all clashed to create a crushing sense that the pursuit of perfection was a tragic impossibility. It was always, "So little time. So much left undone." He could never accomplish more than a tiny part of all that his extraordinary mind had seen. Only months before da Vinci died in 1519, he returned to the church of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milan to discover that damp was already breaking through his fresco of the Last Supper. The maestro's greatest masterpieces were unfinished, destroyed, or decaying in his own lifetime. He could only conclude with sadness that all his vast knowledge and extraordinary inventions were unused, and his volu- minous writings unpublished and inaccessible. One day, not long before he died at the royal palace of Cloux in the Loire Valley, he wrote in his notebook in unusually small script (as if, one writer commented, he were a little ashamed): "We should not desire the impossible." 9  The Call Much of the greatness of the human spirit can be seen in our pas- sionate pursuit of knowledge, truth, justice, beauty, perfection, and love. At the same time, few things are so haunting as the stories of the very greatest seekers falling short. Leonardo da Vinci's magnifi- cent failures point to a very personal entry point to the wonder of calling-when something more than human seeking is needed ifseeking is to be satisfied, then calling means that seekers themselves are sought. A TALE OF TWO LOVES The term seeker is in vogue today. This trend is unfortunate because its use in a shallow way obscures its real importance. Too often seeker is used to describe the spiritually unattached of the Western world. Seekers, in this loose sense, are those who do not identify them- selves as Christian, Jew, Muslim, atheist, and so forth and who do not attend or belong to any church, synagogue, mosque, or meeting place. Such seekers are rarely looking for anything in particular. Often they are drifters, not seekers, little different from the "hoppers and shoppers" who surf the media and cruise the malls of the postmodern world. Uncommitted, restless, and ever-open, they have been well described as "conversion prone" and therefore congenitally ready to be converted and reconverted ad nauseam--without the conviction that would stop the dizzying spin and allow them to be at home some- where. Simone Weil, the Jewish philosopher and follower of Christ, disliked the casual arrogance of the term seeker. "I may say," she wrote in understandable reaction, "that never at any moment in my life have I 'sought for God.' For this reason, which is probably too subjective, I do not like this expression, and it strikes me as false." True seekers are different. On meeting them you feel their pur- pose, their energy, their integrity, their idealism, and their desire to close in on an answer. Something in life has awakened questions, has made them aware of a sense of need, has forced them to consider where they are in life. They have become seekers because something has spurred their quest for meaning, and they have to find an answer. 10  Seekers Sought True seekers are looking for something. They are people for whom life, or a part of life, has suddenly become a point of wonder, a ques- tion, a problem, or a crisis. This happens so intensely that they are stirred to look for an answer beyond their present answers and to clarify their position in life. However the need arises, and whatever it calls for, the sense of need consumes the searchers and launches them on their quest. Notice that "a sense of need" does not j1:1stify people's believing. People do not come to believe in the answers they seek because of need-that would be irrational and make the believer vulnerable to the accusation that faith is a crutch. Rather, seekers disbelieve in wh~t they believed in before because of new questions their previous beliefs could not answer. The question of what and why they then come to believe is answered at a later stage. As Malcolm Muggeridge's biog- rapher wrote of the conversion of the great English journalist, "He knew what he disbelieved long before he knew what he believed." Notice, too, that seeking itself can be pursued from quite differ- ent perspectives and that these differences crucially affect the outcome of the search. Over the years I have talked with many seekers and have observed four major perspectives that structure their seeking. For most people two are less satisfactory, and two are worth considering more deeply, but only one is finally satisfying. One less-satisfactory perspective is the attitude common to well-educated, more liberal people that the search is everything and discovery matters little. Often expressed in such phrases as "The search is its own reward" or "Better to travel hopefully than to arrive," such attitudes fit in well with modern skepticism about final answers and the modern prizing of tolerance, open-mindedness, ambiguity, and ambivalence. For the serious seeker this view quickly proves unsatisfactory. bn "open mind" can be an "empty head," and "tolerance" can be indis- tinguishable from believing nothing. These are no help in finding hon- est answers to honest and important questions. To think that it is "better to travel hopefully than to arrive" is to forget that hopeful travel is travel that hopes to reach a goal or destination. Self-condemned to travel 11  The Call with no prospect of arriving anywhere is the modern thinker's equivalent of the curse of the "flying Dutchman," condemned to perpetual wandering. The other less-satisfactory perspective is the ancient South Asian view that desire itself is the problem. This view perceives desire not as a good thing that can go wrong but as essentially evil. Desires keep us bound to the world of suffering and illusion. The solution, there- fore, is not to fulfill desire but to stop it, finally transcending it alto- gether in the state of "extinguishedness" called nirvana. Though it appears sophisticated, consistent, and practical ~ithin its own cir- cle of assumptions, this Eastern view is radically world-denying. As such its appeal to a culture as world-affirming as ours is inevitably limited. Thus, whether or not they realize it, most serious seekers turn from these unsatisfactory approaches and pursue their search from one of the two contrasting views of love that h:ave shaped Western searching for the past three thousand years. One view of love is the way of eros. It sees the search as "the great ascent" of humans toward their desired goal. For the Greeks in par- ticular and the ancient world generally, eros was love as desire, yearn- ing, or appetite aroused by the attractive qualities of the object of its desire-whether honor, recognition, truth, justice, beauty, love, or God. To seek is therefore to long to love and so to direct one'~ desire and love to an object through which, in possessing it, one expects to be made happy. From this perspective, seeking is loving that becomes desiring that becomes possessing that becomes hap- piness. For experience shows that "we all want to be happy," as Cicero said in Hortensius, and reasonable thought would indicate that the greatest happiness comes in possessing the greatest good. The rival view of love is the way of agape, which sees the secret' of the search as "the great descent." Love seeks out the seeker-not because the seeker is worthy oflove but simply because love's nature is to love regardless of the worthiness or merit of the one loved. This view agrees with both the Eastern and the Greek views that desire is at the very core of human existence. But it agrees with the Greek 12  Seekers Sought view and differs from the Eastern in believing that desire itself is (or can be) good, not evil. The legitimacy of the desire depends on the legitimacy of the object desired. All human beings are alike in seek- ing happiness. Where they differ is in the objects from which they seek it and the strength they have to reach the objects they desire. The way of agape is the way introduced by Jesus. It parts com- pany with the way of eros at two points: the goals and the means of the search. First, the way of agape says, "By all means love, by all means desire, but think carefully about whatyou love and whatyou desire." Those who follow eros are not wrong to desire happiness but wrong to think that happiness is to be found where they seek it. The very fact that we humans experience desire is proof that we are creatures. Incomplete in ourselves, we desire whatever we think is beckoning to complete us. God alone needs nothing outside himself, because he himself is the highest and the only lasting good. So all objects we desire short of God are as finite and incomplete as we ourselves are and, there- fore, disappointing if we make them the objects of ultimate desire. Our human desire can go wrong in two ways: when we stop desir- ing anything outside ourselves and fall for the pathetic illusion that we are sufficient in ourselves, or when we desire such things as fame, riches, beauty, wisdom, and human love that are as finite as we are and thus unworthy of our absolute devotion. The way of agape insists that, because true satisfaction and real rest can only be found in the highest and most lasting good, all seek- ing short of the pursuit of God brings only restlessness. This is what Augustine meant in his famous saying in Book One of Confessions: "You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you." Second, the way of agape parts company with the way of eros over the means of the search. Considering the distance between the crea- ture and the Creator, can any da Vinci-like seeker-however dedi- cated, brilliant, virtuous, tireless, and however much a genius by human standards-hope to bridge the chasm? The answer, realisti- cally, is no. We cannot find God without God. We cannot reach God 13  The Call without God. We cannot satisfy God without God-which is another way of saying that our seeking will always fall short unless God's grace initiates the search and unless God's call draws us to him and com- pletes the search. If the chasm is to be bridged, God must bridge it. If we are to desire the highest good, the highest good must come down and draw us so that it may become a reality we desire. From this perspective there is no merit in either seeking or finding. All is grace. The secret of seeking is not in our human ascent to God, but in God's descent to us. We start out searching, but we end up being discovered. We think we are looking for something; we realize we are found by Someone. As in Francis Thompson's famous picture, "the hound of heaven" has tracked us down. What brings us home is not our dis- covery of the way home but the call of the Father who has been wait- ing there for us all along, whose presence there makes home home. THE MOUSE'S SEARCH FOR THE CAT? The old story of "the seeker sought" is illustrated clearly in the journey to faith of C. S. Lewis, the Oxford philosopher and literary scholar who became the most respected and widely read religious author of the twentieth century. Later calling himself a "lapsed athe- ist," Lewis described the movements that shifted him from atheism to faith in Christ. A critical phase in the first movement centered on Lewis's expe- riences of being "surprised by joy," described in his autobiography by the same name. Suddenly, without warning, ordinary everyday experiences triggered in him what he gropes to call a "memory," a "sensation," a "desire," a "longing" for something inexpressible and indefinable. Such experiences, he said, were of "an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction"-so much so that he cannot call it happiness or pleasure, which are too depen- dent on circumstances or the five senses; he must call it "joy." Later, in his famous essay "The Weight of Glory," Lewis described these intimations as a "desire for our own far-off country... the 14  Seekers Sought scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited." The jolt of these experiences moved Lewis out of atheism and made him a seeker. Each instance of being "surprised by joy'' was simulta- neously a contradiction and a yearning. The experiences were a con- tradiction of what he originally believed, his atheism, because they punctured and pointed beyond his secular, naturalistic worldview. They were also a yearning for something new because they pointed toward something transcendent without which he could not make sense of these yearnings he could equally not deny. It was later, in the summer of 1929, that C. S. Lewis's search came to its climax. Strikingly, even though he had pursued his search with an intense engagement, he still spoke of this stage as the time when "God closed in on me." To his surprise, and even terror, he said, things suddenly lost their abstract, theoretical, arm's-length character: As the dry bones shook and came together in that dreadful Valley of Ezekiel's, so now a philosophical theorem, cerebrally entertained, began to stir and heave and throw off its graveclothes, and stood upright and became a living presence. I was to be allowed to play at philosophy no longer. It might, as I say, still be true that my "Spirit" differed in some way from the God of popular religion. My Adversary waived the point. It sank into utter unimportance. He would not argue about it. He only said, "I am the Lord"; "I am that I am"; "I am." People who are naturally religious find difficulty in understanding the horror of such a revelation. Amiable agnostics will talk cheer- fully about "man's search for God." To me, as I then was, they might as well have talked about the mouse's search for the cat. Looking back at the way his search suddenly culminated in the shock of his own arrest, Lewis remarked wryly: "Really, a young atheist cannot guard his faith too carefully." Today the term seeker is often used promiscuously. Fortunately, experiences that require its true use are also on the rise. With 15  The Call unbelief challenged as sharply as belief, and recent modern ortho- doxies as much under fire as ancient traditional orthodoxies, an extra- ordinary new day for true seekers and true searching has begun. But for those drawn to lives like da Vinci's, yet sobered by the tragic impossibilities of finite, unaided human searching, the truth of call- ing holds out comfort and promise. We not only have Jesus' explicit promise that seekers will find ("seek and you will find"), but we also have his direct example to show that seekers themselves are sought. Indeed, from the seeking wise men onward, Jesus is the greatest mag- net for seekers in all history. The words given in Mark's Gospel to Bartimaeus, the blind beggar who desperately sought healing from Jesus, are God's encouragement to all who truly seek: "Take heart. He is calling you." Do you long to know the One you have sought, knowingly or unknowingly, as your heart's true home and one true desire? Listen to jesus ofNazareth; answer his call. 16 -----3 THE HAUNTING QUESTION A ll who witnessed the stirring events of 1989 and the collapse of the Soviet Empire will have their own indelible memories of what was called "the year of the century''-the exultant dismantling of the Berlin wall, the flowers jauntily thrusting out of the gun barrels of Soviet tanks, and the toppling of the statues of Marx, Lenin, and Stalin. My favorite memories are accounts and images from the "Velvet rev- olution'' in Czechoslovakia and in particular from the gigantic rallies in Wenceslas Square, Prague, in November 1989, with the sponta- neous crowd responses and the mesmerizing speeches of a slim, boyish, mustachioed figure on the office balcony-Vaclav Havel. V aclav Havel became the internationally famous president of the free Czech Republic. But to his own people he was already well known as a playwright, a writer who spoke truth to the power of Soviet totalitarianism, and a dissident and founding spokesman for the Charter 77 Movement. This last stance led Havel to rwo prison sentences-one, after a travesty of a trial, to four and a half years of hard labor in a "First Category Correctional Institution'' in 1979. While there, Havel wrote Letters to Olga, a series of reflections on life in the guise of weekly letters to his wife. Self-published almost instantly in the Russian samizdat sryle, Letters to Olga has joined Dietrich Bonhoeffer's World War II Letters and Papers from Prison and Boethius's sixth-century Consolation of Philosophy as the three classic prison letters of the West. I 17  The Call Havel's weekly letters, always strictly censored and never certain to be delivered, were the only writing he was allowed to do. Soon they came to give meaning to his stay in prison. "The letters," he wrote later, "gave me a chance to develop a new way of looking at myself and examining my attitudes to the fundamental things in life. I became more and more wrapped up in them, I depeJJ.ded on them to the point where almost nothing else mattered." In the letters Havel sets out like a classical hero on a quest. He is resolved to withstand all the tests fate and prison life put in his way. But soon he discovers that although he has mastered the phys- ical difficulties of prison, he is faced with the far harder struggle of the meaning of life. In following th~s more perilous quest, Havel touches on many themes-such as the nature of faith and fanati- cism, and the dehumanizing tendencies of the modern world. But one theme recurs repeatedly and swells to become central in the 144 letters-responsibility as the key to human identity. For each of us our own identity matters supremely. Whatever other people think, whatever current philosophies say, whatever the ups and downs oflife may suggest, we intuitively act and think as if we have supreme value. Simone Weil speaks for us all when she writes, "We possess nothing in this world other than the power to say I." But why? Considering how many millions of others are alive at the same time as we are, let alone the countless billions before us and after us, how can we explain this intuition against all odds? Havel's mounting conviction is that "the secret of man is the secret of his responsibility." None of us arrives in this world com- plete, and none of us has the wisdom and strength to create ourselves by ourselves. Instead we grow and mature as we respond to what is outside us. But we do not just respond to other people or society, let alone to internal things like a conscience or our genes. Such responses are relatively trivial. At our highest and most human, we are respond- ing to whatever is behind the world and life itself. It is only by responding and growing responsible, Havel argues, that one "stands on one's own two feet." He then asserts what all his thinking has led him to: "I would say that responsibility for oneself 18  The Haunting Question is a knife we use to carve our own inimitable features in the panorama of Being; it is the pen with which we write into the history of Being that story of the fresh creation of the world that each new human existence always is." A knife to carve our portraits on reality? A pen with which to write our stories on the scroll of history? Havel's images of the power of responsibility are vivid, and he goes on to describe this responsi- ble view of human life as a conversation between the "I" and the "eye"- th e "I" as we each see our~e1ves, an d th e "eye" beh'm d every- thing to which we are responding. Elsewhere he uses the metaphor of a "voice" calling us. But he realizes he is begging the question. "Human responsibility, as the word itself suggests, is responsibility to something. But to what? What is this omnipresent, omnipotent and undeceivable instance of authority, and where in fact does it reside?" Here Havel agonizes. If so much hangs on responsibility, then it matters infinitely to what or to whom we are responding. Clearly this "eye" or "voice" is higher than conscience and more urgent than close friends and public authorities. Indeed he gropes and insists it is from "someone eternal, who through himself makes me eternal as well... someone to whom I relate entirely and for whom, ultimately, I would do everything. At the same time, the 'someone' addresses me directly and personally." "But who is it? God?" Havel cannot quite bring himself to that conclusion. But he admits that "for the first time in my life I stood- if I may be allowed such a comparison-directly in the study of the Lord God himself" Unfortunately for the letters but fortunately for him, Viclav Havel did not stay in prison much longer, so the letters are a conversation cut off abruptly at his release and contain few tidy conclusions. But his wrestling reveals a deep contradiction and yearn- ing in contemporary thinking. On the one hand, each human identity assumes and requires responsibility. As Havel says, "Responsibility does establish identity, but we are not responsible because of our identity; instead we have an identity because we are responsible." On the other hand, the notion 19  Th e Call of responsibility and talk of "callings" remain baffiingly hollow unless there is something or Someone to whom we are responsible, or response-able, to whom we are able to respond. There is no calling unless there is a Caller. THE BIOGRAPHY QUESTION Vaclav Havel is rare among political leaders in today's world. But his passionate questionings parallel similar dilemmas at simpler levels. Together these wrestlings highlight another deeply personal entry point to seeing the importance of the truth of calling: The notion of calling, or vocation, is vital to each ofus because it touches on the mod- ern search for a basis for individual identity and an understanding of humanness itself Part of our contemporary crisis of identity can be summed up by saying that modern people are haunted by an inescapable ques- tion ofbiography: Who am I? From magazine covers to psychiatrists' couches to popular seminars, we are awash with self-styled answers to this question. But many people are dissatisfied with the answers peddled because they have a terrible deficiency: They don't explain what to each of us is the heart of our yearning-to know why we are each unique, utterly exceptional, and therefore significant as human beings. Some years ago I came out of a friend's apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan to find an intense-looking man in his twen- · ties standing outside what turned out to be his psychiatrist's office. He was pounding the slim telephone table in the hall and cursing vehemently. "Every time I go to that man I come out skewered to his categories like a butterfly pinned to a specimen board." With feelings like that, I thought, he could have spent his money more wisely. But his point was unarguable. Many of the categories people offer to explain or heal us today are too general. In the case of my hallway acquaintance, the categories were also entirely nega- tive. Thus Marxists interpret us by categories of class, Freudians by childhood neuroses, feminists by gender, and pop-commentators of 20  The Haunting. Question all sorts by generational profiles-such as the "silent generation," the "baby boomers," the "Generations Xers." And so it goes. In each case the perspectives may be relatively true or false; help- ful or unhelpful, but they do not address the deepest questions: Who am I? Why am I alive? Being general, the categories never address us as individuals. At best our individuality is lost in the generality. At worst, it is contradicted and denied. Such categories force us to lie on their Procrustean bed, and anything about us that doesn't fit they lop off. They trim the picture of our personalities to fit their mass- produced frames. All attempts to explain human individuality in general terms can be summed up as varieties of being "constrained to be." Their inadequacy is obvious. We become "prisoners" of our category, be it gender, class, race, generation, or ancestry. Our individuality is ignored. A second and opposite position has equally obvious weaknesses- varieties of "the courage to be." As this view sees it, we all have the freedom-some see it as the terrible freedom-to be whatever we want to be. All it takes is courage and willpower. We can actually, we are told, "invent ourselves." A classical version of this position is William Shakespeare's Coriolanus who stood "as if a man were Author of himself, and knew no other kin." Similarly, John Keats later remarked, "That which is creative must create itself." This position beckons to us in countless ways today. In a high society version, a French perfume maker currently sells its fragrance to the English-speaking market under the byline "La vie est plus belle quand on l'ecrit soi-meme' (Life is best played by your own script). Not so long ago, in more intellectual French circles, grand existen- tialist terms were used to portray the courage-to-be as a heroic stand of "authenticity" against "bad faith" and final absurdity. Closer to home this position often comes across as "be all you can be" (cour- tesy, for instance, of the United States Army), or more simply "just do it," "just be," "follow your dream," or "if you believe in yourself, you can accomplish anything." Unquestionably, the most -dangerous but alluring version of "the 21  The Call courage to be" comes from Friedrich Nietzche and his disciples. "God is dead," they assert, so meaning is not revealed. Nor can we read it off the pages of the universe, as advocates of the "fiction'' of natural law believe. Instead, we start from the abyss of a world without mean- ing and, by sheer will power, create our own meaning out of noth- ing. Hence, the courage to be of the Superman. According to Nietzche, we have only two choices-obey our- selves or be commanded-which leaves no choice to the heroes who wish to climb beyond the level of the herd to the highest mountains. They must summon their courage, take action on their own behalf, and become the individuals they are. To do so requires self mastery and will power. Their goal is to be able to say with Nietzche, "I have willed it thus." In Western society at a more suburban level, "identity'' has become our most important private project, and devotees of the grand pursuit of "identity construction" focus first and foremost on the body. Hence the enduring fascination with cookbooks, fitness man- uals and diet programs, and the mind-boggling fortunes made through health foods, drugs, plastic surgery, body-care products, exercise gad- gets, and "teach yourself" books of every kind. Such self-construction is ceaseless and expensive. And, as the pas- sion for public hygiene and safety, and the virulence of antismoking campaigns show, even politics becomes a form of body care by other means. After all, in the secular view the body is all we hav~ and all we are. As one of the best-selling "bibles of macrobiotics" put it, "The kitchen is the studio where life is created... only you are the artist who draws the painting of your life." The absurdity of this position is obvious for all but the rich, the strong, the wealthy, the young, and the fanatical. For one thing, even if we can do what we want, the question remains: What do we want? The near-omnipotence of our means of freedom doubles back to join hands with the near-emptiness of our ends. We do not have a pur- pose to match our technique. So, ironically, we have the greatest capacity when we have the least clue what it is for. Which makes us vulnerable to all the "expert services" whose "self-help" methods 22  The Haunting Question promise us everything we crave, but end in delivering to us new forms of constraint-and charging us for them. For another thing, reality reminds us that all the will in the world may not make us what we want to become. When it comes to will power, will is common but power is rare. True identity is always socially bestowed more than self-constructed, so we cannot achieve it with do-it-yourself methods. In short, it takes more than "courage to be." If being "constrained to be" is unhelpful to us as individuals, being told that our individuality is all a matter of "the courage to be" is unrealistic. Little wonder that a third position is growing popular. This third perspective views individuality as a matter of being "constituted to be." From our very birth, we are told, we bear the seeds of our eventual character; we carry the script of our life stories. Often described as the "acorn theory" and developed in the direc- tion of New Age thinking, this view sees each of us as having not only a soul but also a soul-companion. This guardian-spirit, or "daemon," directs us even in the choice of our bodies and our par- ents. So the secret of life is to "read" our life stories and glimpse the guardian-spirit in action and give it free rein. Only so will the acorn become the oak and each of us grow to be the people we are consti- tuted to be-by our personal destiny, or fate. "Everyone's nature," as Pablo Picasso expressed it, "is determined in advance." By start- ing from who we are as individuals, this position at least takes indi- viduality seriously. But the words fate and determined in advance betray the failings of this third perspective. Each of the three positions contains a grain of truth. To some extent we are all "constrained to be." An understanding of the many forces shaping us is invaluable. To that very extent we must also have the "courage to be"-if we are truly to be ourselves and not prison- ers of our past and victims of our circumstances. And to a certain extent the "courage to be" will lie along the trajectory of what we are "constituted to be." But anyone who appreciates the significance of these three approaches and their shortcomings-and especially any- one who feels the force of his or her own passionate uniqueness- can truly see the wonder of the truth of calling. 23  The Call Where each of these perspectives falls short or heads in the wrong direction, calling comes into its own. Instead of being "constrained to be," we are "called to be." The Caller sees and addresses us as indi- viduals-as unique, exceptional, precious, significant, and free to respond. He who calls us is personal as well as infinite and personal in himself, not just to us. So we who are called are addressed as indi- viduals and invited into a relationship ("I have called you by name," God said). We are known with an intimacy that is a source of grati- tude and soul-shivering wonder ("Such knowledge," the psalmist wrote, "is too wonderful for me"). The notion of life as karma, or the belief that your future is unchangeably "written," is as far from the truth of calli-ng as you can get. Humanness is a response to God's calling. This is far deeper than the exhortation to write your own script for life. Responding to the call requires courage, but we are not purely on our own. The chal- lenge is not solely up to us. A bootstraps rise is unnecessary as well as unrealistic. Responding to the call means rising to the challenge, but in conversation and in partnership-and in an intimate rela- tionship between the called and the Caller. In contrast to "constituted to be" and its sense that life is fated and predetermined, "calling to be" stresses freedom and the future. "Who am I?" is not simply a matter of "reading back" early recol- lections that intimate and announce our later destiny. God leads for- ward as we respond to his call. Following his call, we become what we are constituted to be by creation. We also become what we are not yet, and can only become by re-creation as called people. After all, as V iclav Havel wrote in his concluding letter on respon- sibility, "one's identity is never in one's possession as something given, completed, and unquestionable." Rather than a place to sit or a pil- low on which to rest, human identity is neither fixed nor final in this life. It is incomplete. As such we may' refuse the call and remain stunted-unresponsive and irresponsible. Or we may respond to the call and rise to become the magnificent creatures only one Caller can call us to be. Is this a recipe for a faceless personality and a cramped life? On 24  The Haunting Question the contrary. As C. S. Lewis pointed out, "The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become." The alternative is the real disaster. "The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call 'Myself' becomes merely the me~ting place for trains of events whic~ I never started and which I cannot stop." Only when we respond to Christ and follow his call_do we become our real selves and come to have personalities of our own. So when it comes to identity, modern people have things completely back to front: Professing to be unsure of God, they pretend to be sure of themselves. Followers of Christ put things the other way around: Unsure of ourselves, we are sure of God. No one has captured this tension. more movingly than Dietrich Bonhoeffer from his cell in Berlin as the last days of his life and the last days of World War II ran out together. Who Ami? Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my cell's confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, Like a squire from his country-house. Who am I? They often tell me I would talk to my warders freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command. Who am I? They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune equably, smilingly, proudly, Like one accustomed to win. Am I then really all that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, 25  The Call struggling.for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, hungry for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsty for words of kindness, for neighbourliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, caught up in expectation of great events, powerlessly grieving for f~iends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint, and ready to lay farewell to it all? Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today, and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?. Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved? Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, thou knowest, 0 God, I am thine. Do you want to know the secret ofthe mystery ofyour very being and rise to become what you were born to be? Listen to jesus of Nazareth; answer his call 26 _ _ _ _4 EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE, EVERYTHING ne evening in 1787 a young English M.P. pored over papers by O candlelight in his home beside the Houses of Parliament. Wilberforce had been asked to propose the Abolition of the Slave Trade although almost all Englishmen thought the Trade necessary, if nasry, and that economic ruin would follow if it stopped. Only a very few thought the Slave Trade wrong, evil." So opened a fascinating lecture on William Wilberforce given by his biographer John Pollock at the National Portrait Gallery in London in 1996. Wilberforce's research pressed him to excruciatingly clear con- clusions. "So enormous, so dreadful," he told the House of Commons later, "so irremediable did the Trade's wickedness appear that my own mind was completely made up for Abolition. Let the consequences be what they would, I from this time determined that I would never rest until I had effected its abolition." "That was a key moment in British and world history," Pollock told his audience. "For a few months later, on Sunday, October 28, 1787, he wrote in his Journal the words that have become famous: 'God Almighry has set before me two great objects, the suppression of the Slave Trade and the Reformation of Manners'-in modern terms, 'habits, attitudes, morals."' Amazingly, no great reformer in Western history is so little known as William Wilberforce. His success in the first of the "two 27  The Call great objects" was described by Pollock as "the greatest moral achieve- ment of the British people" and by historian G. M. Trevelyan as "one of the turning events in the history of the world." His success in the second was credited by another historian with saving England from the French Revolution and demonstrating the character that was to be the foundation of the Victorian age. An Italian diplomat who saw Wilberforce in Parliament in his later years recorded that "everyone contemplates this little old man... as the Washington ofhumanity." Equally amazingly, Wilberforce's momentous accomplishments were achieved in the face of immense odds. As regards the man him- self, Wilberforce was by all accounts an ugly little man with too long a nose, a relatively weak constitution, and a despised faith-"evan- gelicalism" or "enthusiasm." As regards the task, the practice of slav- ery was almost universally accepted and the slave trade was as important to the economy of the British Empire as the defense industry is to the United States today. As regards his opposition, it included pow- erful mercantile and colonial vested interests, such national heroes as Admiral Lord Nelson, and most of the royal family. And as regards his perseverance, Wilberforce kept on tirelessly for nearly fifty years before he accomplished his goal. Constantly vilified, Wilberforce was twice even waylaid and phys- ically assaulted. A friend once wrote to him cheerfully: "I shall expect to read of you carbonadoed by West Indian planters, barbecued by _Mrican merchants and eaten by Guinea captains, but do not be daunted, for-I will write your epitaph!" Perhaps most amazingly of all, William Wilberforce came within a hair's breadth of missing his grand calling altogether. His faith in Jesus Christ animated his lifelong passion for reform. At one stage he led or actively participated in sixty-nine different initiatives, several of world-shaping significance. But when Wilberforce came to faith through the "Great Change" that was his experience of conversion in 1785 at the age of twenty-five, his first reaction was to throw over politics for the ministry. He thought, as millions have thought before and since, that "spiritual" affairs are far more important than "secu- lar" affairs. · 28  Everyone. Everywhere. Everything Fortunately, a minister-·-John Newton, the converted slave trader who wrote ''Amazing Grace"-persuaded Wilberforce that God wanted him to stay in politics rather than enter the ministry. "It's hoped and believed," Newton wrote, "that the Lord has raised you up for the good of the nation." After much prayer and thought, Wilberforce concluded that Newton was right. God was calling him to champion the liberty of the oppressed-as a Parliamentarian. "My walk," he wrote in his journal in 1788, "is a public one. My business is in the world; and I must mix in the assemblies of men, or quit the post which Providence seems to have assigned me." CALLING-THE CORE Sadly, for every follower of Christ who, like William Wilberforce, chooses not to elevate the spiritual at the expense of the secular, count- less others fall for the temptation. Wilberforce's celebrated "near miss" therefore leads us to the heart of understanding the character of call- ing and the 'first of two grand distortions that cripple it. Earlier, I defined the notion of calling this way: Calling is the truth that God calls us to himselfso decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion, dynamism, and direction lived out as a response to his summons and service. Now it is time to unpack that truth further, begi.nning with four essential strands in the biblical notion of calling that we must always hold. First, calling has a simple and straightforward meaning. In the Old Testament the Hebrew word that has been translated as "call" usually has the same everyday meaning as our English word. Human beings call to each other, to God, and to animals. Animals too can call. (The psalmist, for example, wrote that God "provides food for the cattle and for the young ravens when they call.") Under the pres- sure of theology and history, the term call has traveled a long way from this simple beginning, but this straightforward sense and its obvious relational setting should never be lost. When you "call" on the phone, for example, you catch· someone's ear for a season. 29  The Call Second, calling has another important meaning in the Old Testament. To call means to name, and to name means to call into being or to make. Thus in the first chapter of Genesis, "God called the light 'day' and the darkness he called 'night."' "This type of call- ing is far more than labeling, hanging a nametag on something to identify it. Such decisive, creative naming is a form of making. Thus when God called Israel, he named and thereby constituted and cre- ated Israel his people. Calling is not only a matter of being and doing what we are but also of becoming what we are not yet but are called by God to be. Thus "naming-calling," a very different thing from name-calling, is the fusion of being and becoming. Third, calling gains a further characteristic meaning in the New Testament. It is almost a synonym for salvation. In this context, call- ing is overwhelmingly God's calling people to himself as followers of Christ. Just as God called Israel to him as his people, so Jesus called his disciples. The body ofJesus' followers as a whole is the community of the "called-out ones" (the origin of ecclesia, the Greek word for. church). This decisive calling by God is salvation. Those who are called by God are first chosen and later justified and glorified. But calling is the most prominent and accessible of these four initiatives of God. Not surprisingly it often stands for salvation itsel£ and the common descrip- tion of disciples ofJesus is not "Christian" but "followers of the Way." Fourth, calling has a vital, extended meaning in the New Testament that flowers more fully in the later history of the church. God calls people to himsel£ but this call is no casual suggestion. He is so awe inspiring and his summons so commanding that only one response is appropriate-a response as total and universal as the authority of the Caller. Thus in the New Testament, as Jesus calls his followers to himsel£ he also calls them to other things and tasks: to peace, to fel- lowship, to eternal life, to suffering, and to service. But deeper even than these particular things, discipleship, which implies "everyone, everywhere, and in everything," is the natural and rightful response to the lordship of Christ. As Paul wrote the followers of Christ in the little town of Colosse, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for· men." 30  Everyone, Everywhere, Everythjng In short, calling in the Bible is a central and dynamic theme that becomes a metaphor for the life of faith itself. To limit the word, as some insist, to a few texts and to a particular stage in salvation is to miss the forest for the trees. To be a disciple ofJesus is to be a "called one" and so to become "a follower of the Way." The third and fourth strands of the meaning of calling are the basis for the vital distinction elaborated later in history-between primary and secondary calling. Our primary calling as followers of Christ is by him, to him, and for him. First and foremost we are called to Someone (God), not to something (such as motherhood, politics, or teaching) or to somewhere (such as the inner city or Outer M~ngolia). Our secondary calling, considering who God is as sovereign, is that everyone, everywhere, and in everything should think, speak, live, and act entirely for him. We can therefore properly say as a matter of sec- ondary calling that we are called to homemaking or to the practice of law or to art history. But these and other things are always the sec- ondary, never the primary calling. They are "callings" rather than the "calling." They are our personal answer to God's address, our response to God's summons. Secondary callings matter, but only because the primary calling matters most. This vital distinction between primary and secondary calling car- ries with it two challenges-first, to hold the two together and, sec- ond, to ensure that they are kept in the right order. In other words, if we understand calling, we must make sure that first things remain first and the primary calling always comes before the secondary calling. But we must also make sure that the primary calling leads without fail to the secondary calling. The church's failure to meet these challenges has led to the two grand distortions that have crippled the truth of calling. We may call them the "Catholic distortion'' and the "Protestant distortion." THE "CATHOLIC DISTORTION" The truth of calling means that for followers of Christ, "every- one, everywhere, and in everything" lives the whole of life as a response · 31  The Call to God's call. Yet this holistic character of calling has often been dis- torted to become a form of dualism that elevates the spiritual at the expense of the secular. This distortion may be called the "Catholic distortion" because it rose in the Catholic era and is the majority position in the Catholic tradition. Protestants, however, cannot afford to be smug. For one thing, countless Protestants have succumbed to the Catholic distortion as Wilberforce nearly did. Ponder, for example, the fallacy of the contemporary Protestant term full-time Christian service-as if those not working for churches or Christian organizations are only part-time in the service of Christ. For another thing, Protestant confusion about calling-which we will examine in the next chapter- has led to a "Protestant distortion" that is even worse. This is a form of dualism in a secular direction that not only elevates the secular at the expense of the spiritual but also cuts it off from the spiritual altogether. The earliest clear example of the Catholic distortion is in. Demonstration ofthe Gospel by Eusebius, bishop of Caesarea. A pro- lific but rather unpolished writer, Eusebius is the principal histo- rian of the early church from the apostolic age down to his own day and an invaluable witness to the church's state of mind just before the "conversion" of Constantine in A.D. 312 and the Roman Empire. - Eusebius argues that Christ gave "two ways of life" to his church. One is the "perfect life"; the other is "permitted." The perfect life is spiritual, dedicated to contemplation and reserved for priests, monks, and nuns; the permitted life is secular, dedicated to action and open to such tasks as soldiering, governing, farming, trading, and raising families. Whereas those following the perfect life "appear to die to the life of mortals, to bear with them nothing earthly but their body, and in mind and spirit to have passed to heaven," those following the "more humble, more human" permitted life have "a kind of sec- ondary grade of piety." Higher vs. lower, sacred vs. secular, perfect vs. permitted, con- templation vs. action... the dualism and elitism in this view need 32  Everyone, Everywhere, Everything no underscoring. Sadly this "two-tier" or "double-life" view of call- ing flagrantly perverted biblical teaching by narrowing the sphere of calling and excluding most Christians from its scope. It also domi- nated later Christian thinking. For example, both Augustine and Thomas Aquinas praised the work of farmers, craftsmen, and mer- chants but always elevated the contemplative life (vita contemplativa) over the active life (vita activa). The active life was depicted as sec- ond class, a matter of necessity; the contemplative life as first class, a matter of freedom. In short, Aquinas wrote, the life of contempla- tion was "simply better than the life of action." Even today, when one can find examples of Catholics recovering a more holistic view of calling, "answering the call" is commonly the jargon for becom- ing a priest or nun. The Catholic distortion created a double standard in faith that in turn produced an important irony. Monasticism began with.a reforming mission--it sought to remind an increasingly secularized church that it was still possible to follow the radical way of life required by the gospel. But it finished with a relaxing effect-the double standard reserved the radical way for the specialists (the aris- tocrats of the soul) and let everyone else off the hook. Thus the irony: Monasticism reinforced the secularization it originally set out to resist. In the end the monasteries themselves succumbed to the secularization and became a central carrier of elitism, power, ·arrogance, and corruption. It goes without saying that there were exceptions to this dis- tortion even in the Middle Ages. The strongest, strikingly, were the mystics Meister Eckehart and Johann Tauler who condemned "all those who would stop at contemplation, but scorn action." But for most people in Christendom in medieval times, the term calling was. reserved for priests, monks, and nuns. Everyone else just had "work." Into that long-established, rigidly hierarchical, and spiritually aristocratic world, Martin Luther's The Babylonian Captivity ofthe Church exploded like a thunderclap in 1520. Writing as an Augustinian monk himself, Luther recommended the abolition of all orders 33  The Call and abstention from all vows. Why? Because the contemplative life has no warrant in the Scriptures; it reinforces hypocrisy and arrogance; and it engenders "conceit and a contempt of the com- mon Chri~tian life." But even these radi