Family in Islam PDF

Unit 5 Family in Islam Objectives 1. Gaining an acquaintance with the importance of family in Islam 2. Becoming acquainted with how to start a family 3. Gaining an acquaintance with the contributing factors to a family’s stability 4. Becoming acquainted with Islamic point of view...

Unit 5 Family in Islam Objectives 1. Gaining an acquaintance with the importance of family in Islam 2. Becoming acquainted with how to start a family 3. Gaining an acquaintance with the contributing factors to a family’s stability 4. Becoming acquainted with Islamic point of view on the relation between parents and their children 5. Getting acquainted with the status and importance of loving one’s children 6. Getting acquainted with parental responsibilities 7. Getting acquainted with the status and importance of respecting parents  Family in Islam Unit 5 191 Islamic Family Discussion activity Suppose there are two Throughout history, almost all human beings have chosen to live in society families that are in the rather than living individually or alone. The reason for this is that humans same economic situation. by nature are in need of the other members of his species. It is almost However, the members of impossible for man to grow physically and spiritually, for his potentials to the first family show respect blossom, and for him to traverse the various stages of perfection without to one another, are organized living within society. The family – that is, siblings and parents – forms the in their work and support fundamental relations for an individual, and then by extension he relates one another. However, the to other members of society. It is from this standpoint that the critical role members of the second family that the family plays in the formation of the ideal society becomes evident. do not trust one another, their lives are disorganized, and Since the family is the microcosm of society, the values and the norms that they fight over everything. In shape the behaviour of its individual members will influence and permeate your opinion, which family the entire society and define its character. Hence, the way the family is will produce successful raised plays an important role in imparting values – such as respect for individuals and have a others or self-sacrifice – to society. prosperous future? 192 Unit 5 Family in Islam The importance of the family 1. The sanctity of the family Since Islam is the last and most perfect of the divine religions, it has emphasized the importance of family and has encouraged us to solidify this bond, to the extent that the Prophet (S) said: There is no institution in Islam more loved by God than the family. (Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 383) The doors of heaven are opened when someone gets married. (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 3, p. 221) Viewing the family in this manner, i.e. as being something sacred, falls within the comprehensive view of the Islamic religion on life and the worldly and otherworldly perfection of man. Also, this message expresses the idea that the formation of a family is not a sexual and animalistic act; rather, it possesses humane and divine dimensions to it and for this reason it deserves to be respected and considered sacred. 2. Forming a family has been encouraged in Islam Contrary to some religious and spiritual traditions which are opposed to the formation of families because they believe that it is an imperfection which Progress tracking leads to the stagnation of man’s spiritual growth, Islam states that man’s Remember, the cultural divine perfection resides within this structure and the acceptance of the conditions of every nation and various responsibilities that are associated with it. The following hadith have the social circumstances of the been related from the Prophet (S): individuals play an important Two units of prayer that are made by a married person are better than role in the implementation of 70 units made by a person who is single. (Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, the rules of Islam in life. For vol. 3, p. 384). example, it is not possible to delineate the exact age when The sleep of a married person is better than the fasts and night vigils someone should get married of an unmarried one. (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 3, p. 221) and formulate a general law A person should not be surprised at this teaching because the human for everyone based upon that perfection that Islam takes into consideration is not acquired by means of because different societies sitting alone in a cave all one’s life. Rather, Islam invites its followers to have different norms due accept their individual and social responsibilities and to play a positive role to the various climatic and in all the dimensions of life. One of the most fundamental stages of being historical conditions in the responsible in this manner is to start to take care of a healthy and righteous world. In general terms, it family. Regarding this matter, Ayatollah Murtaza Mutahhari said, ‘One is advisable not to delay or of the reasons that marriage is sacred is that it distances man from caring postpone getting married about no one but himself. It pushes him to care about others. Now that he is when the conditions for the married, he will not simply work for, make an effort for or serve himself.’ possibility of marriage exist This is contrary to some other views regarding the way in which a human as far as age is concerned being should spiritually grow. Not only is Islam supportive of marriage, it and assuming the other social also believes that there are certain steps towards perfection that cannot be provisions for marriage have taken except through marriage. Marriage is thus irreplaceable. It is worth also been secured. However, mentioning that those who are not able to get married for any reason should the individual or the family know that Allah (swt) has promised to enrich them out of His grace on should decide whether the condition that they keep themselves chaste. The Qur’an says in this regard: conditions for getting married are present and whether the Those who cannot afford marriage should observe continence until time is right or not. Allah enriches them out of His grace. (24:33)  Family in Islam Unit 5 193 3. The goal and benefits of forming a family Think about 3.1. Peace of mind Have you thought about One of the natural psychological needs of human beings is to have a friend, how hard your parents someone who will accompany one throughout the ups and downs of life. To work for you? Could you a large extent, a successful marriage can respond to this need, for one will have reached where you are be able to overcome the concerns and anxieties that they will face on the today without your family’s path of life. The psychological constitution of man and woman is such that support? Starting a family they want to create and to continue friendships with others. God says in the and making an effort to Qur’an: raise righteous and healthy And of His signs is that He created spouses from yourselves so that children is not only an excuse you may find peace in them and He created between you love and to get closely acquainted mercy. Verily there is in this signs for those who ponder. (30:21) with the efforts that your father and mother made, but Imam Reza (A) said, ‘There is nothing more beneficial for a man than a it also allows you to practice woman who makes him happy when he looks at her, who he talks to, who sacrificing yourself for others is trustworthy when her husband is not present and who protects herself and without expectation of a the sanctuary of her family and the wealth of her husband’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, reward. Maybe after starting p. 327). a family and taking care of 3.2. Teaching children your children for some time you may change your mind Since parents love their children tremendously and consider them to be a part about the objections that you of their own existence, parents always try to teach them about the various always used to make to your matters concerning life. This guidance begins when the children are first own father and mother. born and lasts until the children have grown up, formed their own families and have had children of their own. Parents are like caring teachers who always try to convey their own life experiences – from the simplest to the most complex – to their children, and they do not spare any effort in this regard. In reality, parents are the first and best teachers for their children. 3.3. The subsistence of the human species The process by which the human child grows and is raised demands more consideration than that of other living beings. Naturally, this development can only form within a suitable structure, such as a family. For the subsistence of some species, it suffices for its members to mate with one another; while others need to take care of their children for a short period of time when they Discussion activity are first born. However, since the individual and social life of the human In Arabic, the word fasad being is more complex than that of other species, it is impossible for humans means ‘to corrupt’. In every to attain their desirable perfections unless a systematic and organized group or system, corruption structure such as the family is constantly assisted and reinforced. causes that system to function 3.4. Religious training improperly. In your opinion, what does the phrase ‘sexual One of the signs of a progressive society is the existence of responsible decay’ imply? If the family human beings who are loyal to the ideals of that society. The primary and structure becomes corrupted, natural place where such loyal individuals are trained is within a righteous and what will it lead to? competent family. Hence, the family plays a critical role in the advancement and subsistence of the social identity of a religious society. The following Complete the following has been related from the Prophet of God (S), ‘What prevents a believer sentence: ‘In my opinion, from getting married? Maybe God will give him a child and the number of a successful and stable people on the earth who say ‘there is no God but Allah’ will increase because marriage is one in which of this’ (Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 382). _______.’ 194 Unit 5 Family in Islam 3.5. Preventing corruption One of the strongest urges within humans is the desire for sexual intimacy. When one responds to it in a proper and mature fashion, it is prevented from being misused. In human societies, some individuals do not want to accept the responsibility affiliated with this physical relationship because they do not want to be questioned about their social behaviour. When this attitude enters the jurisdiction of this sacred act, sexual corruption becomes rampant in society. Starting a family is the most proper and natural way in which individuals may learn to be responsible for their sexual behaviour. God says in the Qur’an: ‘Your women are your clothes and you are your women’s clothes’ (2:187). Clothing in its proper form not only covers and adorns a person, but it is also a symbol of being an active member of society in a responsible and positive manner. The following has been narrated from the Prophet (S), ‘If someone marries then he has acquired half of his religion. So, he should beware of God in the remaining half’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329). It is related that the Prophet said: ‘O young people! If you can marry, then do so. This is because marriage can help you stop looking impermissibly [at non-mahrams] and is more chaste. And, if someone cannot marry, then he should fast since lust subsides through fasting’ (Sahih Bukhari, vol. 5, p. 195). 3.6. Abstaining from marriage Based upon the aforementioned matters, it can be said that marriage in Islam is so important that not only has it been encouraged, but those who refrain from getting married and starting a family without a good excuse have been reprimanded. It has been related from the Prophet (S): The best of my nation are the ones who are married, and the worst of my nation are those who are single (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 3, p. 221). If someone can afford to marry but does not, he is not from us. (al-Sunan al-Kubra, vol. 7, p. 125). Starting a family 1. Marriage 1.1. Choosing a suitable spouse One of the factors leading to the subsistence of the family is making good decisions before marriage, which includes having a good intention. Marriage, like all other religious actions, should be done with a divine intention. It has been related that Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘When a person marries a woman simply for her wealth or beauty, then he will be left with nothing but that beauty or wealth. However, if someone marries a woman for her religion, then God will grant her beauty and wealth’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 332). After one makes a good intention, it is advisable to pray and ask God to give one what is in his best interests. After these preliminary matters, the next step – which is also very important – is to investigate and understand the person one intends on marrying. In the Islamic teachings, certain standards have been mentioned regarding this matter. Most of these standards can be summarized as follows:. The person should be a good match for you, as far as their personality and religion are concerned.. The person should be righteous and well-mannered.. The families of the two parties should be a match for one another. It is not recommended to marry the following individuals: a sinner, someone who is ill-mannered, a selfish person, a foul-mouthed person, someone who talks too much, a shameless person, or a drunkard. One of the etiquettes of marriage is to announce to the public that one is getting married. The Prophet (S) prohibited his followers from getting married in private. Also, it is recommended to have a party and to feed the guests when getting married. The story of the simple yet blessed marriage of the daughter of the Prophet (S), the Lady Fatimah (A), and the Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (A), shows us what is truly valuable such as happiness, truthfulness, simplicity and spirituality.  Family in Islam Unit 5 195 The dowry for this marriage was secured through the selling of the armour of the Commander of the Faithful (A). Their lives began with a small amount of furnishings. The Prophet of God (S) cooked the sweets for the party himself using dates and oil and ordered a fat ram to be slaughtered for the food. Then, he (S) said to the Commander of the Faithful, ‘You may invite anyone you like.’ The Commander of the Faithful (A) said, ‘I went to the mosque that was filled with the Companions of the Prophet (S). I did not want to only invite some of them. I said: ‘All of you are invited to the marriage of the Lady Fatimah (A).’ People came in throngs. I was scared because there were a lot of people but not a lot of food. The Prophet (S) figured out that I was upset and said: ‘O Ali! I will ask that your gathering be blessed.’’ (Amali al-Tusi, p. 42). 2. Obstacles to starting a family: fear of poverty One of the main reasons that some people do not get married is their economic situation. In the Islamic teachings, there are two approaches to this problem. On one hand, young people are encouraged to start a family, be responsible and trust in God. From another point of view, the other members associated with the young couple as well as the other individuals in society have been encouraged to help the new family. God says in the Qur’an: And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (24:32) It has been related from the Prophet (S), ‘Start a family since this causes one’s sustenance to increase’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 329). It has been narrated from Imam Sadiq (A), ‘A man complained to the Prophet (S) about his bad economic condition. The Prophet said, ‘Get married.’ That person married and his economic situation got better’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 330). Of course, it is possible that for some people this problem may stem from greed and the desire to have a variety of material things. It is for this reason that the Islamic teachings have also advised us to be content with what we have. It has been narrated: ‘The best life belongs to the person who is content with what God has given him and who has been given a good spouse by God’ (Ghurar al-Hikam, number 3295). 3. Factors that contribute to a stable family The peak of social relations is manifest within the family; hence, Islam has established two forms of rights for individuals: legal and moral. The wisdoms and commands that Islam puts forth rest upon the existence of these rights which the members of the family have with respect to one another. In other words, in an Islamic family, the behaviour of all of its members rests upon love, respect and understanding. Thus, all of the rights of its members will be respected and there will be no need to refer to the law. Of course, in some cases, Islam has given permission for the woman and the man to separate. However, it has asked the spouses to think of separation as the last resort for the resolution of their problems. In order to have a successful and stable life, there are a number of things that must be observed. Some of these matters are related to the time before marriage. However, some of the most important factors must be secured after marriage and throughout one’s life. Those which follow are just some of the teachings of the divine religion of Islam regarding the stability of marriage and the manner in which one can have a successful marital life. 3.1. Kindness towards one’s spouse and family Islam has established a direct connection between faith and the love for one’s family and says that the love one has for one’s spouse and children is one of the manifestations of faith. The Prophet (S) said, ‘When a man looks at the face of his wife and his wife looks at his face, God looks at both of them. And, when they hold hands, their sins are wiped away’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 16, p. 276). He (S) also said, ‘On the Day of Resurrection, a man from my nation will come, and he will not have any good deeds by means of which he may deserve [to go to] Heaven. However, God will say to him: ‘Take him to 196 Unit 5 Family in Islam Heaven because he was kind to his family’’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 16, p. 379). 3.2. Loving one’s children In reality, when a woman and a man marry, the potential for a sacred love that had been placed within them for the subsistence of the human species is actualized. Also, a loving place filled with the warm feelings of the father and the mother is created for the children. When the bud of their existence blossoms, the woman and the man want to see the fruit of their existence and, in this way, place themselves upon the noble throne of motherhood and fatherhood, take up the responsibility of raising righteous and valuable children and in this allow their existence to continue. The Prophet (S) said that a person who claimed to have never kissed a child in his life was not going to be an inhabitant of heaven. Of course, as is abundantly clear, an excess of anything is bad. In other places, we have been taught the limits of affection and love so that no one may go overboard in this matter and thus ruin the upbringing of the children. 3.3. Being well-mannered Someone asked the Prophet (S), ‘Which believer has the more perfect faith?’ He replied, ‘The one who is kinder to his family’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 3, p. 665). Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘The one who is kinder to his family will live longer’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 102). 3..4. Serving one’s spouse and family It is important to serve one’s spouse and family, tend to the affairs of their lives and to take their feelings into consideration. This is so important that, according to the Islamic traditions, God will give a man a reward for just placing a morsel of food in the mouth of his wife. The Prophet (S) said, ‘The man who struggles for [securing the sustenance] of his family is like the one who fights for the sake of God’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 88). The Prophet (S) said, ‘Giving a drop of water to her husband is better for a woman than fasting for one year and staying awake in the night worshipping God. For every drop of water that she gives her husband, God will build a city for her in heaven, and He will forgive 60 of her sins’ (Irshad al-Qulub, p. 175). The Prophet (S) said to the Commander of the Faithful (A), ‘O Ali! No one serves his family except a truthful one, a martyr or a man for whom God desires the good of this world and the next’ (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 1, p. 132). 3.5. Respect Islam exhorts spouses to have mutual respect for one another and considers this to be a sign of an individual’s nobility. The Prophet (S) said in this regard, ‘The best of you are the ones who are good to their family, and I am the best to my family. Only a respectable person respects their women. No one will disrespect them other than a base person’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 16, p. 371). 3.6. Tolerance and compromise with one’s spouse A very important matter in family life is tolerance and working together. Islam does not simply want the members of the family to respect the legal rights of one another. Rather, it also tells them to observe the ethical rights of one another. Two of the most important familial traits are tolerance and cooperation as members work through the ups and downs of life. Even though the mother is the primary centre of forbearance in the family, the children can also help in this matter by supporting one another and decreasing their expectations from their parents. The husband has also been asked to work alongside his wife and help her with the household chores so that they can live a happy life. The Prophet (S) said, ‘When God wants to give a family good, He gives them knowledge of religion, graces them with frugality in their lives, and the youngest of them show respect to the oldest of them’ (al-Ja‘fariyyat, p. 149). The Commander of the Faithful (A) said, ‘Woman is a flower. She is not a servant of the home. Cooperate with  Family in Islam Unit 5 197 her and help her in all situations so that your life may be easy.’ 3.7. Bringing happiness into the family and home Unfortunately, Islam has been painted with a negative stroke, giving people a very disturbing picture of the religion including how the family life is structured. However, the reality of the matter is very different from what is being propagandized. Since these sources are not properly acquainted with Islamic teachings, false accusations are levied against the religion. The following are a few examples from the Islamic traditions regarding the importance of making one’s family – especially one’s children – happy. The Prophet (S) said, ‘If someone makes his family happy, then God will create a being from that happiness that will ask for his forgiveness until the Day of Resurrection’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 16, p. 379). He (S) also said, ‘If someone buys fruit for his children from the market, he will have the reward of the person who carries charity [to the poor]. This will last until he places the food in his child’s mouth. And, he must begin from his daughters as God cares about girls. And, if someone cares about girls, then he is like the person who cries out of fear of God. And, the one who cries out of fear of God will be forgiven. And, if someone makes a girl happy, then God will make him happy on the Day of Sadness [i.e. the Day of Resurrection]’ (Tanbih al- Arifin, p. 352). Anas, the servant of the Prophet (S) relates that the Prophet (S) was the most cheerful of people with children. (al-Mu‘jam al-Saghir) 3.8. Spending time with one’s family The Prophet (S) said, ‘When a man sits with his family, it is better in the eyes of God than when he performs i‘tikaf in the mosque’ (Mawa’iz al-Adadaiyyah, p. 33). The Prophet (S) said, ‘God loves the believer, his family and his children. The most beloved thing for God is for Him to see a man with his spouse and children sitting in front of the tablecloth eating together. When they gather together in front of the tablecloth, God looks upon them mercifully and forgives them before they get up from there’ (Tanbih al-Ghafilin, p. 343). 3.9. Tolerating the ill manners of one’s spouse Some individuals – especially young couples – speak of separating from their spouses the moment that they see some bad ethical trait in them. They do not exercise patience. However, one must help one’s spouse understand that they have a bad trait and then assist them to get rid of it. Finally, Islam wants us to remember the good traits of our spouse and to forgive their shortcomings. The Prophet (S) said, ‘The woman who bears the bad-manners of her husband will be protected from the punishment of the grave, and she will be resurrected with Lady Fatimah (A) [the daughter of the Prophet (S)]. Such a woman has the reward of one thousand martyrs and of one year of worship’ (Irshad al-Qulub, p. 175). Also, he (S) said, ‘If a man is patient with the bad manners of his wife for the sake of God, then God will give him the reward of the patience of the prophet Ayyub (A) in his time of distress for every day and night that he bears [those bad manners].’ 3.10. Being responsible and respecting the rights of one’s family According to the Islamic traditions, every human being is a manager in some way, and he will be questioned regarding how he dealt with those who were under his care and his responsibilities towards them. A woman is also the caretaker of her home and her children and is responsible for them (see Bukhari, vol. 2, p. 901). The Prophet (S), ‘Cursed is the one who forgoes his family [and does not take care of them)’ (al-Kafi, vol. 4, p. 12). 3.11. Marital life One of the most important things that can affect the stability of a marriage is the sexual relationship of the spouses and the manner in which this need is managed. Is it managed in an equal and balanced manner or not? The satisfaction of the sexual urge is one of the pillars of the marital life that is effective both in its initiation and its continuance. Unfortunately, due to the unbridled proliferation of the depiction of sexual gratification in the 198 Unit 5 Family in Islam media, the need to have access to a variety of sexual partners has been strengthened in some individuals. Thus, the need for physical intimacy – that was in previous times, the cornerstone of the family – has today become a threat to the same. It is for this reason that along with other ways in which the spouses care for one another, the manner in which this need should be resolved by the spouses is such that neither husband nor wife feels that they are not sexually satisfied within their marriage. There are teachings and advice for both the husband and the wife with respect to the way in which they are to observe the sexual needs of themselves and their partners. The following are just some of these teachings: answering one’s sexual needs as well as those of one’s spouse; keeping away from overindulgence or the suppression of this need; respecting the sexual needs of one’s partner and not being selfish in this regard; observing cleanliness and adorning one’s self for one’s partner in the home; preparing one’s self for sleeping with one’s spouse; respecting the privacy of one’s spouse and not revealing their secrets to others; controlling impermissible sexual fantasies; and in general, respecting the privacy of the members of one’s family. These are just some of the instructions that exist in the ethical system of Islam. 3.11.1. The legal framework All human relations have two levels, which are comprised of a legal level and an ethical-human level. Without ethical values, a life that is simply based upon legal rules is dry and difficult. Also, if there is no legal structure, then it will not be possible to solve disagreements in times of crises. The religion of Islam is the most perfect of the divine religions. Thus, it has instructions for both the legal level of the family and its ethical level. Just as it invites people to good morals and ethical values – such as sacrifice and forgoing one’s personal rights – it has also clearly defined the legal framework of family relations. It does this so that in the case where ethical relations fail, there may be a solution and means of escaping family problems and disagreements. It goes without saying that this legal structure does not mean that individuals must limit themselves to it. Rather, the primary principle that is necessary in an ideal family is for the relationship between individuals to be based upon good morals and reciprocal respect so that legal battles and arguments may never arise. 3.11.1.1. Religious laws related to the family That which follows is a brief explanation of the rules relating to marriage and the family in Islam. 1) In and of itself, marriage is something recommended and desirable. However, if someone falls into sin by not getting married and has the ability to get married, it is necessary to do so. 2) Marriage is a contract between a woman and a man. Both the woman and the man should make this contract with a perfect knowledge of what they are getting into. Also, they should make this choice on their own. When marrying a virgin girl, aside from her good-pleasure, it is necessary to get permission from her father. 3) After getting married, both parties are responsible for living with each other amicably. This means that their behaviour should be accompanied with kindness and friendliness. They should stay away from behaving in such a way that hatred, enmity, or anxiety are created in the other party. In numerous verses of the Holy Qur’an, the Benevolent God has emphasized this matter. Of course, there are different instances of good manners in different societies, and how they are defined varies from culture to culture. It all depends on the social and personal characteristics of individuals. 4) By means of the marriage formula, the man is responsible to pay the nafaqah of his wife (i.e. the food, clothes and housing of the woman) to the extent that is in agreement with her social status. Also, the woman is responsible to sexually satisfy her husband. Reciprocally, the man has to respond to the sexual needs of his wife. In general terms, a man should not be neglectful of the emotional and sexual needs of his wife to the extent that society may say that he has suspended or cut off relations with his spouse. 5) The dowry (mahr) is a portion of wealth that is the responsibility of the man because of the marriage contract. The amount of the dowry is established by the woman and must be agreed upon by the man. Of course, it is recommended that the dowry be suitable for the woman and easy for the man. Some families make the groom  Family in Islam Unit 5 199 responsible for paying a heavy dowry out of fear of the future of the bride and the possibility that the family may fall apart. They consider it to be a type of insurance. However, they do not take into consideration that in the case of estrangement only the apparent form of the family will be preserved. In reality, the man will be like a prisoner. He will simply be alive but will not be living. 6) A woman should get permission from her husband if she wants to go outside of the house. She can get a general permission to do so or a specific one. This means that before or after getting married, she can get her husband’s permission to go outside the house to study or work, for example. 7) Aside from the abovementioned cases, the woman is not religiously obliged to perform the household tasks, to take care of her children, etc. 3.11.1.2. Dividing responsibilities between the members of the family The religious legal rights of the woman and the man were mentioned in the section on legal rules. However, as was mentioned previously, a human life with one’s family cannot be founded upon the dry framework of law. Primarily speaking, the goal of religion in light of these standards is to teach human beings the best manner of living. The ethical teachings of religion encompass the majority of the verses and traditions depicting the model of an Islamic life. The small portion of religious legal rules is simply the last solution for resolving problems and dead-ends. Of course, in every comprehensive legal and social system, there is no escaping these matters. Rather, ethical values and cooperation always lead to the happiness and the fondness of life. The same goes for the reciprocal responsibilities of woman and man. This means that if the woman and the man simply try to secure their own rights and suffice themselves with only doing what they are obliged to do, their family will never be successful. The advice of the Prophet (S) regarding the division of chores between men and women has been inspirational for many successful Muslim families. Imam Ja‘far al-Sadiq (A) related regarding the life of the Commander of the Faithful (A) and the Lady Fatima (A): The division of household chores was accomplished with the guidance of the Prophet (S). When the Prophet (S) said that the chores inside the house were to be done by the Lady Fatima (A) and the ones outside were to be done by Imam Ali (A), the Lady Fatima (A) happily said, ‘No one other than God knows how this division of labour made me happy! This is because the Prophet of God (S) excused me from doing those tasks that men should do’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 2, p. 172). This form of division is based upon the Islamic ideal in which both spouses participate in the affairs of the house. From the point of view of Islam, it is the responsibility of the man to provide economically for his family and to give his wife what she needs to live respectfully. In exchange, the creation and psyche of the woman has been created in a manner that is more suitable for raising children. Thus, she is responsible for the affairs inside the home. Each one of these roles and responsibilities is harmonious with the physical constitution and psychological qualities of most men and women. Of course, Islam does not prohibit women from being active outside the house. However, the desirable and ideal Islamic house is the one in which the principal goals of family life – such as the raising of children – are accomplished in an easier manner by means of a proper division of labour and rights. The division of household chores in the life of the Lady Fatima (A) does not imply that the Commander of the Faithful (A) only performed the tasks outside the home. Rather, whenever the opportunity arose, he (A) would hurry to help his family to do the jobs inside the house as well. It has been related that he (A) would sweep the home and would help his great wife grind the wheat for bread. When the Prophet (S) asked, ‘[Tell me] which of you is more tired so I can help them,’ Imam Ali (A) said, ‘O Prophet of God (S), your daughter is more tired’ (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 42, p. 50). 3.11.1.3. Divorce It is always possible for human relations to sever. Sometimes, this severance is the fault of the individuals or 200 Unit 5 Family in Islam their families or may stem from other non-human causes. In any case, it is not possible to force people to remain in a destroyed relationship until the end of their lives. It is for this reason that the religion of Islam is realistic and has ordained a legal way to leave such situations. This bitter medicine, which must only be used in necessary situations, is divorce. In Islamic teachings, an emphasis has been placed upon marrying and divorcing in a calculated and reasonable manner. It is possible that this is because each one of these decisions has a critical effect upon all of the other individual and social dimensions of man’s life. They must not be the plaything of fleeting pleasures and fancies. Unwarranted divorce is reprehensible, to which the Prophet (S) said, ‘[The angel] Jibra’il would always advise me to be good to women to the extent that I assumed that it was impermissible to divorce them unless they openly fornicated’ (al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 512). Also, Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘There is no permissible act more reprehensible to God than that of divorce’ (al- Kafi, vol. 6, p. 54). To constantly divorce women one after another has been reprimanded, and the individual that does this has been cursed by God (al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 54). Activity Refer to the following verses and state the commands that the Qur’an gives regarding the behaviour of women and men: 65:6, 4:25, 4:19, 2:241, 2:228. Pillars of wisdom Some women came to meet the Prophet (S) and said, ‘The virtue of fighting on the path of Allah is specifically allocated for men, and there is nothing that we can do so that we can also obtain the virtue of fighting on the path of Allah.’ The Prophet (S) said, ‘The work that each one of you do in your homes is equal to the fight of the soldiers who struggle on the path of Allah’ (Kanz al-Ummal, vol. 16, p. 409). Also, he said, ‘Every woman that cleans her husband’s home will be looked upon mercifully by God. And the one who is looked upon mercifully by God will not be punished by Him…When a woman becomes pregnant, she becomes like the person who fasts and worships God in the night and who fights on the path of Allah with his life and wealth. And when she bears her child, she gets a reward that she cannot even imagine. When she breastfeeds her child, she gets the reward for emancipating a slave for each time the child sucks her breast. When she finishes suckling her child, an angel taps her on her side and says, ‘Start your life anew! Your previous sins have been forgiven!’’ (Amali al-Saduq, p. 496). The relationship between parents and their children The religion of Islam has emphasized the importance of parents and children showing love and respect to each another but has highlighted the rights of the parents and that they deserve a higher form of respect from their children. In general terms, it is only natural that the efforts that the father and mother make for their children are greater than the efforts that children make for their parents. Secondly, when children grow up and become independent, they usually forget the hidden and open sacrifices of their parents. Also, when they get caught up in their own lives and personal goals, they neglect their responsibilities to their parents. This does not mean that all parents fulfil all of their responsibilities perfectly with respect to their children. It is  Family in Islam Unit 5 201 for this reason that in the religion of Islam, there are also rules for the responsibilities and duties of the parents. However, it is generally the children who usually neglect the rights of their parents. All of us have seen mothers who have borne the difficulties of pregnancy, breastfeeding and childrearing with love for their children. There are fathers who have struggled to secure a better life for their families and have loved doing so. However, we rarely see children who love to take care of their elderly parents or even have close relations with them. Therefore, it is only natural that the religion of Islam has emphasized the importance of children behaving well with their parents. The other reason that the rights and status of parents have been prioritized is due to their role in the training of children. The process by which children are raised is very lengthy and complex. In the eyes of Islam, the family institution, especially the father and the mother, play an important role in the instruction of children. So, it is necessary for the children to trust and listen to their father and mother so that this long and difficult path may be traversed as easily as possible If children do not look at their parents with respect, it will be difficult for the parents to raise them in the proper manner. In the end, the children will change into uncultivated, corrupt individuals who may end up being bad for the society as a whole. Hence, Islam has made the upbringing of children the responsibility of the parents and has advised the children to listen to their parents. In this way, it has helped the parents in performing their responsibility. In this section, we will point to the status and importance of love for one’s children and some of the responsibilities that parents have with respect to their children. Then, we will explain the responsibilities that children have with respect to their parents in the Islamic religion. 202 Unit 5 Family in Islam The status and importance of loving one’s children The Prophet of God (S) said, ‘The smell of one’s child is the smell of Heaven’ (Rawdat al-Jannat, vol. 2, p. 369). He also said, ‘A good child is a flower from heaven’ (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 218). The Prophet (S) was amongst his companions when they heard the good news of the birth of a girl. They saw signs of displeasure in some of those who were present. The Prophet (S) said, ‘What is wrong with you? It is a flower that we can smell, and its sustenance is the responsibility of God’ (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 219). And he said, ‘When someone looks at his child and becomes happy, he should free a slave for this blessing.’ Someone asked, ‘Even if you look at him 360 times?’ He replied, ‘God is the Greatest!’’ (Rawdat al-Wa’izin, vol. 2, p. 369). And, he said, ‘Kiss your children often since, for every kiss, there is a level of heaven that is equal to the distance of 500 years of travel’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 21, p. 485). Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘God sometimes has mercy on a man due to the intensity of his love for his child.’ Some parental responsibilities The Prophet (S) said, ‘Love your children, be merciful to them and keep your promises to them. This is because they think that you are the one who gives them sustenance’ (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 219). A person kissed one of his children in front of the Prophet (S) but did not kiss the other. The Prophet (S) said, ‘Why did you not act justly towards them?’ (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 220). The Prophet (S) of God said, ‘It is the right of the son upon the father that he gives him a good name, teaches him the book of God, purifies him [i.e. circumcises him], and teaches him swimming. And it is the right of the daughter upon the father that he gives her a good name, teaches her Surah al-Nur, hides her from the eyes of non-mahrams, and does not delay her marriage without a reason’ (al-Kafi, vol. 6, p. 49). In another tradition, the Prophet of God (S) said the to the Commander of the Faithful (A), ‘O Ali! The child has rights over his father, such that his father gives him a good name, raises him correctly, and puts him in a good place’ (Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, vol. 4, p. 372). In another tradition it is stated, ‘When he attains religious maturity, his father should get him married’ (Rawdat al-Wa’izin, vol. 2, p. 367). In another tradition, the Commander of the Faithful (A) mentioned the following as the responsibilities of the father with respect to his children: ‘Giving them a good name, raising them properly and teaching them the Qur’an’ (Nahj al- Balaghah, wisdom 399). The Prophet of God (S) said, ‘The thing that comes about for the child due to the disrespect of one’s father and mother comes about for the father and mother due to disrespect of the believing child’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 21, p. 481).  Family in Islam Unit 5 203 The status and importance of respecting parents The guiding principle of Islam is monotheism, and in the Holy Qur’an being good to one’s parents has been mentioned and recommended immediately after monotheism. This shows us the importance of having respect for parents in the religion of Islam. For example, in the 23rd and 24th verses of Surah Isra, we read: ‘And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) ‘Ugh’ nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: ‘O my Lord! Have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little.’’ Abu Wulad Hannat says, ‘I asked Imam Sadiq (A) to define the meaning of ‘be good’ in this verse. He (A) said, ‘It means to be good to them in living with them and dealing with them and to not even burden them with the trouble of asking [for something]. In other words, it means to give them that thing even before they ask for it even though they may be rich… Even if they reject [you], you should not disrespect them in the least. If they hit you, do not scream and if they hit you [again] say: ‘May Allah forgive you’… Only look at them with love and kindness and do not raise your voice over theirs or your hand over theirs and do not walk ahead of them’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 157). A person once asked the Prophet (S), ‘O Prophet of God (S)! Who should I be good to?’ He (S) replied, ‘To your mother.’ The person then asked, ‘Then to whom?’ The Prophet (S) said, ‘To your mother.’ Then he asked once again, ‘After that?’ The Prophet (S) replied, ‘To your father’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 160). Ibrahim ibn Shu‘ayb said, ‘I said to Imam Sadiq (A), ‘We have an old father who has become very weak. We take care of him.’ Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘If you can do this yourself it is good. Place the morsel of food in his mouth [with your own hands]. This is because this action will be a shield [that will protect you] from the fire’’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 162). A person said to Imam Sadiq (A), ‘My father and mother oppose you, the family of the Prophet.’ Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘Be good to them just as you are good to the followers of wilayat and our devotees’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 162). 204 Unit 5 Family in Islam Imam Baqir (A) said, ‘There are three things that God has not allowed anyone to disobey: giving back something one has been entrusted with – regardless of whether the one bestowing it was a good or bad person, fulfilling one’s promise – regardless of whether the other side is a good person or a bad person, and being good to one’s parents – regardless of whether they are good or bad’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 162). Imam Rida (A) said, ‘It is obligatory to be good to one’s father and mother even though they may be polytheists. Of course, one must not obey them in sin’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 16, p. 155). The Prophet (S) said, ‘It is the right of the father upon the child that his child does not call him by his name, that he does not walk in front of his father, and that he does not sit down before him’ (Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, vol. 4, p. 372). In another tradition, it is stated, ‘Also, he should not do something because of which people would verbally abuse his father’ (al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 159). Mansur ibn Hazim said, ‘I asked Imam Sadiq (A) what the best of actions is. He (A) replied, ‘Praying on time, being good to one’s father and mother, and struggling on the path of God’’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 15, p. 19). In his advice to his companion, Jabir, Imam Baqir (A) said that one of the signs of the Shi‘a is that they are good to their father and mother (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 15, p. 234). The Commander of the Faithful (A) said, ‘Kissing one’s child is a form of mercy, and kissing one’s father and mother is an act of worship’ (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 1, p. 93). Key terms In Arabic, the word uquq refers to being ungrateful and disrespecting one’s father and mother. The one who disrespects them is called an aqq. Disrespecting one’s father and mother – in any form – is a grave sin. There are various levels associated with disrespecting one’s parents and the lowest of these is to say ‘ugh!’, which means that the lowest form of disrespect is verbal. This has been mentioned in the Qur’an. The highest form of disrespect to one’s parents is to kill them. The Prophet (S) said, ‘The highest form of disrespect [to one’s father and mother] is to kill [them]’ (Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 71, p. 69). Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘The smallest form of disrespect [to one’s parents] is for you to say ‘ugh!’ to them [i.e. to verbally express one’s displeasure to them]. If there were something less [disrespectful] than this, God would have mentioned it in the Qur’an’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 21, p. 500). The Prophet (S) said, ‘I swear by the One who delegated me with prophethood! The one who disrespects his father and mother will not even smell the fragrance of heaven!’ (Makarim al-Akhlaq, p. 220). The Prophet of God (S) said, ‘There are three sins whose punishment quickly afflicts the sinner and is not postponed for the Day of Resurrection: disrespecting one’s father and mother, oppressing people, and being ungrateful for a good favour’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 16, p. 312). Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘On the Day of Resurrection, the veil of heaven will be removed and every living being will [be able to] smell the fragrance of Heaven, even if it is 500 years away from them. There is only one group that will not [be able to].’ The transmitter of this tradition asked, ‘Which group is that?’ Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘The one who has disrespected his father and mother.’ Imam Sadiq (A) said, ‘If someone looks at his father and mother angrily, then God will not accept his prayers – even if his father and mother oppress him’ (Wasa’il al-Shi‘ah, vol. 21, p. 501).  Family in Islam Unit 5 205 Case study | Keeping ties with one’s relatives In Arabic, the word ‘rahem’ refers to one’s family and relatives/womb relatives. According to Islam, the word ‘silaha al-rahem’ means to have good ties with one’s relatives. In the ethical teachings of Islam, being good to the fellow members of one’s species and respecting them is a responsibility of all Muslims. Aside from this, honoring family ties has been recommended. Islam has encouraged its followers to be good to their families and close relatives so that their social lives may be pleasant. There are numerous verses in the Qur’an that encourage us to maintain close ties with the other members of our species, especially our immediate family. They also emphasize the creation, continuance and strengthening of emotional bonds between relatives. ‘And those who join that which Allah has bidden to be joined and have awe of their Lord and fear the evil reckoning’ (13: 21). Urwah ibn Yazid asked Imam Sadiq (A) regarding the meaning of this verse. He (a.s) responded, ‘By ‘the ones who Allah has ordered us to join’ your family is intended’ (Usul al-Kafi, v. 2, p. 156). Remember, it is obligatory to keep good relations with one’s relatives and this act has many worldly and otherworldly benefits. In contrast, severing ties with one’s relatives is something that has been prohibited in Islam. Imam Sadiq (A) related the following from his forefather, Imam Sajjad (A), ‘Stay away from living with and befriending the one who has severed ties with his relatives. This is because this person has been cursed three times in the Qur’an (2:27; 13:25; 47:22-23)’ (Safinat al-Bihar, v. 1, r.h.m.). Imam Sajjad (A) also mentioned, ‘We seek refuge in God from those sins that hasten destruction, bring deaths closer and empty cities of their inhabitants. Those sins are the breaking of ties with one’s relatives, bothering one’s parents and not being good to them’ (Usul al-Kafi, v. 2, p. 448). tarbiati.ir Conclusion Islam has emphasized the importance of starting a family and being responsible for each of the members of one’s family. The orders and advice of Islam are meant to protect the family and can be found in the Islamic sources. Mostly, they center on morality and being respectful to the members of one’s family. These teachings are rooted in rights that each of the members of a family has with respect to the others. In reality, the foundation of the family rests upon the principle of love and it includes all of its members, i.e. the woman, the man and the children.