Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling Manual PDF

46 Commission on Population and Development Department of Social Welfare and Development Department of Health Philippine Statistics Authority Department of the Interior and Local Government Acronyms +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++iii Forew ord++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++v Messages +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++vi The Pre-M arriage Orientation and Counseling Program +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++1 The PMOC Manual++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++5 The PMOC Team+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++6 The Marriage Expectations Inventory Form +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++7 Part : Pre-Marriage Orientation++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++13 About Part 1 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++14 Topic One: Marriage and Relationships+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++19 Session Marriage+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++20 Session Roles, Relationships and Issues++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++23 Session Elements of a Harmonious Relationship++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++28 Session Other Related Laws on Marriage+……+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++32 Session Services Available on Nurturing Marriage++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++34 Topic Two: Responsible Parenthood+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++37 Session What Is Responsible Parenthood?++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++38 Session Duties and Responsibilities of Parents +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++41 Session Effective Parent–Child Communication++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++45 Session Rights of the Child+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++48 Session Home Management++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++50 Session Services Available on Responsible Parenthood+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++52 PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Topic Three: Planning the Family+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++55 Session Human Sexuality ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++56 Session Fertility Awareness ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++60 Session Family Planning+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++75 Session STIs/HIV………………+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++85 Session Services Available on Planning the Family +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++89 Topic Four: Pregnancy and Child Care +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++91 Session Safe Pregnancy and Prenatal Care ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++93 Session Facility-Based Delivery+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++100 Session Post-natal Care+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++103 Session Caring for the Baby++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++105 Session Available Services for Pregnancy and Child Care+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++108 References+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++110 Annexes Annex A: The Marriage Expectations Inventory Form +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++111 Annex JMC No+ 1 Series of 2018+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++115 Annex DILG Memorandum Circular 2018-182+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++131 Annex When You Feel Being Loved the Most (Blank Form) +++++++++++++132 Annex When You Feel Being Loved the Most (Responses) ++++++++++++++133 Annex Marriage and Relationships: Additional Readings ……+++++++++++++++134 Annex Responsible Parenthood: Additional Readings ++++++++++++++++++++++++142 Annex Planning the Family: Additional Readings+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++169 Annex Pregnancy and Child Care: Additional Readings +++++++++++++++++++++182 PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL AIDS Acquired immune deficiency syndrome AO Administrative Order BBT Basal body temperature method BCG Bacillus Calmette-Guerin vaccine BOM Billings ovulation method BTL Bilateral tubal ligation CAH Congenital adrenal hyperplasia CBC Complete blood chemistry CFO Commission on Filipinos Overseas CH Congenital hypothyroidism DepEd Department of Education DILG Department of the Interior and Local Government DMPA Depomedroxyprogesterone acetate DOH Department of Health DPT Diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus DSWD Department of Social Welfare and Development EI Elemental iron ERPAT Empowerment and Reaffirmation of Paternal Abilities FAB Fertility awareness-based methods FAQs Frequently asked questions FDS Family development sessions FP Family planning G6PD Glucose-6-phosphate-dehydrogenase deficiency GAL Galactosemia HIV Human immunodeficiency virus ICT Information and communication technology IDD Iodine deficiency disorder IPV Inactivated polio vaccine PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL OPV Oral polio vaccine PCV Pneumococcal conjugate vaccine PD Presidential Decree PDGCP Pre-departure Guidance and Counseling Program PET Parent Effectiveness Training PKU Phenylketonuria PMC Pre-marriage counseling PMO Pre-marriage orientation PMOC Pre-marriage orientation and counseling POP Progestin-only pills POPCOM Commission on Population and Development PPIUD Postpartum intrauterine device PPMP Philippine Population Management Program PSA Philippine Statistics Authority RA Republic Act RPFP Responsible parenthood and family planning SDM Standard days method SHAPE Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents SSS Social Security System STI Sexually transmitted infection STM Sympto-thermal method UDHR Universal Declaration of Human Rights YAFS Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL The new Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) Manual is a product of a major collaborative work among partner agencies such as the Commission on Population and Development (POPCOM), Department of Health (DOH), Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG), and the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) after a series of consultations and writeshops for the development of the material+ The new PMOC Manual is composed of two (2) parts, namely: Part : Pre-Marriage Orientation, and Part : Pre-Marriage Counseling, the former to be used for the conduct of orientation of couple participants, while the latter, is for the use in the conduct of the pre-marriage counseling sessions+ This new PMOC Manual has been updated to include recent laws in relation to topics about building/establishing a family, family planning methods, improving couple communication, home and family management, among others+ Forming part of the learning methodologies is the emphasis on key messages at the end of each topic, based on the insights and experiences of would-be couples+ All sessions promote interactive learning activities to engage the participants and at the same time motivate them to be more introspective in their decisions to be made, consequently affirming their plan for their future+ Skills-building is also integrated all throughout the sessions+ With this PMOC Manual, it is envisioned that would-be couples will have a stronger relationship and together, as a couple, they will bring about responsible and empowered Filipino families+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL My heartfelt congratulations to the Commission on Population and Development (POPCOM) on the publication of the Revised Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) Manual. The family is the basic unit of the society and thus it is imperative for couples entering into marriage to be provided with the proper foundation to effectively assume their roles as spouses and parents+ As the Vice-Chairman for PMOC National Technical Working Group (TWG), the Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) has been a staunch partner of the POPCOM in responding to the mandate of providing guidance and marriage counseling services to all would-be couples applying for a marriage license+ With the publication of this revised PMOC manual, you have taken a giant leap in streamlining and standardizing processes in the conduct of PMOC to optimize the genuine intention of the program+ It is my hope that with this Manual, all program implementers will be properly guided with the harmonized and collective approach in order to truly make a meaningful contribution to the couple, the family and the community+ This publication serves as your tool in the effective implementation of the PMOC program in all Local Government Units (LGUs) and their constituents nationwide+ To all the people behind the Revised PMOC Manual, may this publication further ignite your spirit of dedication and meaningful action towards helping Filipino couples+ Let us work together in ensuring good quality of life for all would-be Filipino families nationwide! Again my congratulations! EDUARDO M. A O, OIC Secretary PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Reference # PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Marriage as enshrined in the Family Code of the Philippines is not only special contract of permanent union; it is the foundation of the family upon whom this nation seeks to strengthen and protect+ For would-be couples, family members and future parents, marriage is indeed a major life decision that requires thorough attention, commitment, and understanding by the parties involved+ It is therefore imperative that the couples are equipped with adequate information that will enable them to make better and informed decisions on the solemn covenant that they are about to enter+ With proper information and guidance, they will be able to acquire the necessary knowledge that will amply prepare them to effectively respond and handle the challenges and responsibilities of a married life+ Hence, the timely release of this Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) Manual is welcoming breakthrough in the PMOC-Technical Working Group’s efforts to come up with modules that will guide our couples and families+ The Department of Social Welfare and Development highly supports this initiative not only to facilitate their compliance with provisions of law on Marriage License, but more importantly, for couples and families to serves as instruments in promoting our deep-cherished virtues and values of love, kindness and respect of a family; a family that will stay together to support each other and eventually, contribute in nation-building+ Congratulations and enjoy the fruits of a healthy and responsible family life+ Signed by: ROLANDO JOSELITO D. BAUTISTA Secretary Department of Social Welfare and Development PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL The Commission on Population and Development (POPCOM), in its continuing strategy to promote Responsible Parenthood and Family Planning (RPFP) at the national and local levels, endorses the new Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) Manual - a product of a strengthened partnership and collaboration with the Department of Health (DOH), Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG), and the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA)+ With this PMOC Manual, POPCOM enjoins all national and regional PMOC teams– both city and municipal levels – to creatively use this manual as their guide in the conduct of the PMOC activities and actively engage the couples to share their views and expectations about married life+ They should also be able to envision the crucial role they would play as responsible husband and wife, and eventually, in forming an empowered family in the future+ As we in POPCOM, together with our partners in the national, regional, city and municipal levels, prepare the would-be couples to be responsible and productive members of the community and the society in general, let us continue to provide them an enabling environment where they can raise empowered children and individuals+ Let us continue forging stronger partnerships towards building happy, healthy and empowered Filipino families+ Para sa matatag, maginhawa at masaganang pamilyang Pilipino! USEC. JUAN ANTONIO A. PEREZ III, MD, MPH Executive Director Commission on Population and Development PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL By virtue of Presidential Decree the Family Code of the Philippines, the Local Government Code, and the Responsible Parenthood and Reproductive Health (RPRH) Law , all couples applying for a marriage license in the Philippines are required to attend the Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) session before they can be issued a license+ Purpose and Importance of PMOC The purpose of PMOC is to provide would-be couples with information they will need in preparation for the challenges of married life, along with their responsibilities as spouses, family members, and future parents+ It will also give them a better understanding of marriage so they can affirm their decision to get married based on sufficient knowledge and clear expectations+ Marriage is a major life decision and a lifetime commitment+ It is a legal contract that will bind a man and a woman not only for a life of togetherness but also for sharing resources and forming a family+ Marriage not only establishes the lives of the couple but also the lives of the children and future generations+ The decision to get married, therefore, must be well thought out, and must be jointly made by the couple after careful consideration, thorough understanding, and ample preparation+ This is why the PMOC is a crucial first step prior to getting married+ The PMOC Sessions The PMOC Sessions consist of two phases – the Pre-Marriage Orientation (PMO) and the Pre-Marriage Counseling (PMC)+ All couple applicants for marriage license have to undergo the Pre-Marriage Orientation (PMO), which is conducted by trained PMOC team members+ The orientation session is conducted for a minimum of four ( ) hours, completed in one (1) day+ The session is usually conducted at the designated pre-marriage counseling room at the city or municipality where the couple applied for marriage license+ After the PMO, all couples with one or both partners who are 18-25 years old and those whom the PMOC team may find, based on the couples’ responses on the Marriage Expectations Inventory to have issues that need to be addressed more closely, have to undergo the Pre-Marriage Counseling (PMC) session+ Couples who PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL voluntarily want to get counseling may also attend the PMC session+ The PMC session is conducted on the same day and in the same venue as the orientation session, for a minimum of three ( ) hours+ PMOC Certificates After the couples have completed the PMO session, the PMOC Secretariat issues a Certificate of Compliance, a requirement for couples to acquire marriage license+ For couples requiring counseling, an additional Certificate of Marriage Counseling is issued by the Pre-marriage Counselor after they have completed the PMC session+ The PMOC Protocol The services of the PMOC Program are provided to couples applying for a marriage license following the protocol below: 1+ Couples who want to get married and are required to get a marriage license must first apply at the Local Civil Registry Office (LCRO)+ (Note: There are couples who are exempted from the license requirement as provided in the Family Code of the Philippines+) 2+ The LCRO then refers the applicant couple to the City/Municipal Population Office, which is the local PMOC Secretariat+ 3+ The applicant couple registers with the PMOC Secretariat and accomplishes the Marriage Expectations Inventory Form (MEIF)+ 4+ All marriage license applicants are required to attend the Pre-Marriage Orientation conducted by the PMOC Team on the designated date+ The PMO session should be at least four (4) hours+ 5+ Applicant couples with at least one member who is 18-25 years old, and couples who have issues that require counseling based on their MEIF responses, must also attend the Pre-Marriage Counseling conducted by a PMOC team member who is an accredited pre-marriage counselor+ The PMC session should be at least three (3) hours+ Couples who are both above 25 years old and do not show any critical issues in their MEIF may also attend the PMC session if they desire so+ (Note: Couples aged 18-25 who have a certificate issued by a priest, imam or minister authorized to solemnize marriage need not attend the PMC session)+ 6+ The PMO and PMC sessions for the same group of couples must be conducted on the same day+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL 7+ During the PMO, the couples are given adequate information and instructions on responsible parenthood, family planning, breastfeeding and infant nutrition, and marriage and relationships+ During the PMC, the couples are given more focused counseling on specific issues of concern to the couples+ 8+ For couples who have completed the PMO session, the City/Municipal Population Office issues a Certificate of Compliance signed by the PMOC Team members who conducted the orientation+ 9+ For couples who attended and completed the PMC session, the accredited pre-marriage counselor issues a Certificate of Marriage Counseling+ 10+ After receiving their certificates, the couples return to the Local Civil Registry Office (LCRO) and present the signed certificates+ 11+ The LCRO issues the marriage license to the couples upon receipt of the certificates+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL The PMOC Manual The Pre-Marriage Orientation and Counseling (PMOC) Manual is a revision of the old Pre-Marriage Counseling (PMC) Manual used during the pre-marriage seminar that couples applying for a marriage license were required by law to attend+ The revision was prompted by national and local assessments of the implementation of the Pre-Marriage Counseling Program indicating the need to update the manual on new legislations and cultural trends related to marriage and family life+ The Department of the Interior and Local Government (DILG), Department of Health (DOH), Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), Commission on Population and Development (POPCOM), and the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) have also issued a Joint Memorandum Circular (JMC) which, noting the various models of implementing the Pre-Marriage Counseling Program among the different local government units (LGUs), prescribed a standard PMOC Program Implementing Guidelines that all LGUs must follow+ The revised PMOC manual had to be aligned with these guidelines, in particular those provisions pertaining to the conduct of the PMOC sessions+ The JMC also prescribed the creation of national and regional PMOC technical working groups (TWGs) to manage and monitor the operationalization of the PMOC program, as well as tackle related policy and implementation issues+ The JMC also specified the use of the team approach, defining the composition, tasks, and functions of the PMOC teams in all cities and municipalities+ There was also a need to modify the format of the manual, integrating the contents with the processes to make it more straightforward and easier for the PMOC team members to use+ The manual contains the process guide, key messages and pertinent topics for discussion during PMOC sessions+ The revised PMOC Manual consists of two parts; Part 1: Pre-Marriage Orientation and Part 2: Pre-Marriage Counseling. The revision of the manual went through several processes of consultations and writeshops with the members of the national TWG from the DSWD, DOH, DILG, POPCOM, and PSA+ The drafts were pre-tested among target audiences and other stakeholders at the regional and local levels+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Intended Users This manual is intended for the use of the PMOC Team members as reference during the actual provision of PMOC services, or as material for training future members of the team+ Part 1 (Pre-Marriage Orientation) is specifically intended for the members of the PMOC Team who will provide the pre-marriage orientation+ Part 2 (Pre-Marriage Counseling), on the other hand, is specifically for reference of the pre-marriage counselors who will provide pre-marriage counseling to couples who are 18-25 years old and those who need to undergo further counseling+ Learning Approach Each part adopts adult learning methodologies where key messages are built upon the experiences and insights of the participants+ These methods employ the experiential, interactive, and participatory learning approach that engage the learners actively in their own learning by incorporating their personal experiences and prior knowledge to the acquisition of new knowledge, attitudes, and skills+ Experiential learning gives participating couples an opportunity to learn by reflecting on their personal experiences, develop skills through practice, and receive immediate feedback+ The PMOC Team The new guidelines reiterated the use of the team approach in implementing the PMOC Program+ There should therefore be a PMOC Team in every city and municipality+ The PMOC Team should have at least three (3) members: (1) a team leader who is the appointed or designated City/Municipal Population Officer; (2) a representative from the City/Municipal Health and Nutrition Office; and (3) a representative from the City/Municipal Social Welfare and Development Office+ One of the team members should be a DSWD-accredited pre-marriage counselor, to conduct the pre-marriage counseling session+ The city/municipal mayor may add team members if needed; these may come from the Local Civil Registry Office, other local government offices such as Agriculture, Education, or Gender and Development (GAD), or a civil society organization+ The PMOC Team, in addition to conducting and taking care of all the needed preparations for the PMOC sessions, also assumes other tasks to ensure the effective implementation of the PMOC Program in the city/municipality+ The PMOC Team prepares the Certificate of Compliance for couples who have completed the Pre-Marriage Orientation and the Certificate of Marriage Counseling for couples who have completed the Pre-Marriage Counseling session+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL PMOC team members who are to conduct the pre-marriage orientation and counseling sessions should undergo training on how to use the PMOC Manual: Parts 1 and 2+ They should also undergo continuing education through training programs and refresher courses prescribed by the National PMOC TWG+ Assessing Marriage Expectations To assess the level and compatibility of expectations between would-be couples about critical marital and family issues, they are required to fill out the Marriage Expectations Inventory Form (MEIF) before the PMO session+ The MEIF is a set of statements about critical aspects of marriage and family life to which each individual expresses agreement or disagreement+ The statements are about the major topics of the PMO as discussed in this manual+ They indicate how each couple would more likely think, behave, or decide when confronted with these marital issues+ These attitudes or expectations are likely to affect the relationship of the couple especially in aspects where conflict or disagreement is strongly apparent+ As such, the MEIF is to be used in determining areas where couples would more likely have a conflict or disagreement on+ These areas of disagreement become areas for further dialogue between couples so they can address them early towards maintaining a more harmonious relationship during marriage+ The results of the MEIF can also guide the facilitators in determining the areas that need to be emphasized during the sessions+ Areas where the couples manifested disagreements and incompatibilities are the topics to be given more emphasis during the pre-marriage orientation session+ The Marriage Expectations Inventory Form (MEIF) Below is the MEIF to be filled out by would-be-couples+ Statement Agree Neutral Disagree Reason/s A. EXPECTATIONS ON MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS 1+ I feel loved when:  My partner gives me compliments or praises+  We do things together+  I receive gifts, flowers, small things, etc+  My partner willingly provides a helping hand+  My partner shows physical affection (e+g+ holds my hand, embraces/ cuddles/kisses me) PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Statement Agree Neutral Disagree Reason/s 2+ When we talk, I expect my partner to be sensitive/cautious to:  Tone of her/his voice  Words spoken  Gestures, body language, eye-to-eye contact  Listening with undivided attention 3+ I know well the strengths and weaknesses of my spouse+ 4+ If we will have a conflict, as husband and wife, we will solve it by:  Talking it out  Writing letters  Ignoring the issue  Silent treatment  Third party mediation (in-laws, godparents, friends, counselors, etc+) 5+ I will allow my spouse or myself to give financial support to my in-laws/relatives+ 6+ I will allow receiving financial support from my parents/ in-laws/ relatives+ 7+ I am comfortable if my partner checks out my personal stuff such as mobile phone, wallet, social media account, etc+ B. EXPECTATIONS ON RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD 8+ After getting married, we will live independently from our parents/ relatives+ 9+ I will allow my spouse to work for a living+ 10+ I believe that it is the husband who should make the major decisions on financial matters+ 11+ Only the wife is in charge of the household chores+ 12+ If we cannot have children, I will consider alternative parental care (e+g+ adoption, foster care)+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Statement Agree Neutral Disagree Reason/s 13+ Disciplining, nurturing and rearing our children is our shared responsibility as spouses+ 14+ I believe in physical punishment in disciplining children+ 15+ I believe that the children should observe their father’s religion+ 16+ If I will have a child with special needs, I will:  Send my child to school+  Put up my child for adoption/send to DSWD or similar facility+  Confine my child at home+ 17+ For me, having a child is:  A gift or blessing from God  For continuity of lineage  Additional help in earning income  For taking care of us when we get old C. EXPECTATIONS ON PLANNING THE FAMILY 18+ I prefer to have less than three children+ 19+ If we have problems in having children, I will submit myself to fertility tests/ workout+ 20+ I believe that the number and spacing of children is a shared decision of husband and wife+ 21+ I believe that sex in marriage is:  A duty  My right  An expression of love  For procreation or reproduction purposes only (pagkakaroon ng anak) 22+ I believe that the wife may initiate sex+ 23+ Husband’s consent is necessary for the wife to use family planning methods+ 24+ I will personally use or allow my spouse to access modern family planning methods to limit and space childbirth+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL D. EXPECTATIONS ON PREGNANCY AND CHILD CARE 25+ I believe that ensuring safe and healthy pregnancy is the responsibility of the wife+ 26+ I believe that child care and nutrition are the responsibility of the wife+ 27+ I will go to a birthing facility (clinic/ lying-in or hospital) for the delivery of my baby+ 28+ I want my newborn baby to be breastfed after delivery+ 29+ I will subject my baby to newborn screening+ 30+ For me, the husband’s roles to ensure safe pregnancy and delivery are:  Accompany the wife during prenatal and postnatal checkup+  Formulate a birth plan with the wife+  Ensure that either husband or wife is enrolled with PhilHealth+  Know the nearest Philhealth- accredited facility within our place+  Prepare the important things the wife needs before, during and after pregnancy, including those of the baby+  Together with the wife, start saving for hospital fees and other financial considerations that may occur+  Know the emergency signs of pregnancy, and secure contact numbers of service provider+ 31+ I believe in keeping intimacy during pregnancy by:  Going on a date once a week or more often+  Going out with friends+  Having sexual intercourse+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Guide in Administering the MEIF 1+ Administer the MEIF to couples when they register for the PMOC sessions+ 2+ Require each individual to fill out the MEIF separately+ Ensure that the couple do not confer with each other as they fill out the form+ 3+ Remind the couples that there are no right or wrong answers+ They should answer the items according to how they honestly feel+ Tell them that honesty is important in their responses because these will be used as basis for focusing the PMOC sessions+ 4+ Assure the couples that their responses will be kept confidential+ 5+ Gather the forms when the couples are finished and instruct them when to come back for the PMOC sessions+ Processing the Responses Together with the members of the PMOC Team, process the couples’ responses to the MEIF before starting the PMOC sessions, primarily to determine which topics and issues need to be given more emphasis during the orientation, especially on potential areas of conflict between couples that they need to discuss further+ This can also help in determining the couples who need further counseling+ In processing the accomplished MEIF, be guided by the following: 1+ Compare the responses of both partners+ Identify areas where the couple have different or incompatible responses as this can be potential sources of conflict+ Also identify negative attitudes on certain aspects of marriage between the male and female spouses+ Note down such topics for each couple as this will serve as basis for your discussion and observation during the session+ 2+ Summarize the responses of the whole group+ Identify areas where most couples have different or incompatible responses between males and females in general+ Also, identify areas where couples exhibited negative attitudes+ Note down such topics as this will form the basis for your discussion+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Planning the Sessions Based on the MEIF : In integrating the results of the MEIF into the PMO design, consider the following key actions; 1+ After identifying the areas that need further discussion (e+g+ areas with strong disagreement between male and female participants and those to which the participants expressed negative attitude), adjust the session by giving more time, more exercises, and discussing more experiential illustrations on such topics+ Draw insights from the participants on their respective perspectives on certain items+ Engage the group to discuss certain topics to enable them to find proper perspectives on areas of disagreements and negative attitudes+ In every relevant session, always refer to the results of the MEIF+ Do not elicit debate on areas of disagreement+ 2+ For individual couples, engage them in the discussion of topics related to their disagreements and see if such differences of opinion are resolved or can already be managed+ If not, require the couple to attend the pre-marriage counseling session+ The results of the MEIF will also be the main basis of the discussion in the PMC session, particularly for couples that were required to attend the PMC session due to unmanaged differences as observed in their MEI and during the PMO Session, as well as for couples who have expressed the need or desire to attend the PMC session+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL PART About Part 1: Pre-Marriage Orientation PMOC Manual Part 1 is designed to enable PMOC team members to give would-be couples an understanding of marriage and family relationships and responsibilities as part of their preparation for married and family life+ It provides basic information to PMO facilitators for them to provide would-be couples a deeper understanding and appreciation of what to expect during marriage and to effectively guide them in forming their own family+ Contents Part 1 consists of four ( ) major topics that would-be couples need to know before they get married: Topic One: Marriage and Relationships Topic Two: Responsible Parenthood Topic Three: Planning the Family Topic Four: Pregnancy and Child Care Each session is structured as follows: Part Description Introduction It provides a brief discussion of the rationale and overview of the key topics the manual will cover+ Time Allotment This indicates the expected duration of the discussion of the particular session+ Objectives of Each session will have its own objectives and key messages the Session that need to be conveyed to the couple participants+ These objectives and messages shall guide the entire session and shall be checked at the end of the session+ Activity This part provides instructions on the activities that may be conducted to stir up or draw out what the participants already know or have experienced about the session’s topics+ It will serve as take-off points for the discussion of the key messages+ Key Messages This part provides the key messages that the facilitators and Discussion should convey to the participants for a particular topic+ They are basic messages that should be integrated in the processing of the activity to build from what the participants already know and progress to more discussion and possibly new important messages about the topic+ Synthesis At the end of each major session, the learnings from the discussion are synthesized to reinforce key messages+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL How to Conduct the Orientation Using the PMOC Manual Part 1 The order of presentation of the sections and sub-sections of the manual provides the sequence to follow in conducting the orientation sessions+ Below is a step-by- step guide on how to conduct the orientation sessions using the manual+ This is just a general guide+ Be ready to be flexible when the specific situation or characteristics of the participants call for adjustments in the process+ Properly prepare for the orientation + An important part of ensuring the effectiveness of the sessions is the preparation of the facilitators+ Preparation involves internalization or mastery of the subject matter and making the venue conducive to learning+ Do some of the following to prepare for the orientation: 1+ Read and internalize the topics and learning processes contained in the manual+ 2+ Prepare the needed materials and required logistics for each session or activity as indicated in the manual+ 3+ Make sure you have all the presentation aids and equipment (PowerPoint, flipcharts, projector and screen, etc+) and handouts (e+g+ take-home flyers or printed IEC materials) before the start of the orientation+ 4+ Meet as members of the PMOC Team to plan and discuss needed preparations and to resolve anticipated concerns+ Open the orientation session. Create a learning environment by ensuring that all participants are comfortable with each other, able to express themselves and share their ideas with and learn from each other, and feel safe that the information they share are kept confidential+ Do the following for this purpose: 1+ Introduce the members of the PMOC Team who will become their learning partners+ 2+ Emphasize the overall purpose of the PMOC and generate from the participants their expectations so these can be considered accordingly+ 3+ Help the participants get acquainted with each other through proper introduction or group activities that can let the participants know some personal information about their co-participants+ 4+ Agree on the rules (e+g+ on how the participants should conduct themselves during the course of the session to optimize learning)+ Conduct the sessions+ Conduct all the sessions through experiential learning processes+ Build on the participants’ existing knowledge and experiences about certain topics+ Reinforce such knowledge or experiences with new insights or messages+ Focus on providing proper perspectives on what they already know or emphasizing new learning that they were not able to express+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL It is very important to maintain the entire session as a conversational and learning experience+ Always encourage participants to share their ideas and experiences and process such insights into new knowledge that they can take home+ Avoid being too structured in the presentations and delivery of key messages+ Always leave room for accommodating and building on the participants’ existing knowledge and experiences+ Some of the specific steps in conducting the session proper include the following: 1+ Introduce the topic by discussing its learning objectives and overview and its relevance to them as would-be couples+ 2+ Conduct the activity, ensuring that everyone participates+ Process the activity as the platform for discussion of the key messages+ In processing the activity, focus on their observations (i+e+ what have they observed in the activity), feelings (i+e+ what did they feel while undergoing the activity), and learning (i+e+ what insights have they learned and how do they think this can be applied in their own situation)+ Modify or enrich the suggested activities as deemed necessary or more effective+ Some sessions are provided with opening activities+ These activities aim to get the attention and interest of the couple participants in the topic to be discussed, and draw out their own thoughts and experiences regarding the subject+ Engaging the participants actively in the process is an effective way, not only to get their interest, but also to make them see this process as self-reflection+ Allowing them to delve into their own experiences makes the session focused on them rather than on the facilitator+ This can promote better learning and better acceptance of the information learned during the sessions+ 3+ Discuss the key messages as the activities are being processed+ The key messages encapsulate the important ideas discussed in relation to the topic+ They need not be discussed comprehensively but should be delivered in the context of the participants’ needs and situations+ The messages can be delivered or discussed in the vernacular language that the participants understand+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL If some issues need to be elaborated on, refer to additional/supplementary readings provided in the annexes at the end of this manual+ 4+ Emphasize in your discussion of the key messages and the topic the issues that surfaced in the results of the Marriage Expectations Inventory+ 5+ Observe and listen to the reactions of the participants to assess whether the participants are learning and on what points they seem unclear and need more explanation+ Encourage them to ask questions and voice any need for clarifications on the topics being discussed+ 6+ Always synthesize the topic to emphasize the key messages that the participants should take home+ Get the insights of the participants to gauge their understanding of the topic discussed+ Assess the sessions + Make it a regular activity to assess and evaluate each pre-marriage orientation session conducted+ This assessment activity is important in improving the quality of succeeding sessions to ensure the attainment of the PMO objectives+ For each PMO session, a pre-test and post-test activity, daily feedback exercise, and end-of-the-course evaluation sessions can be conducted+ The assessment of the activity may also be done through the following: 1+ Self-assessment – Ask yourself: What went well? What was difficult? What did I achieve? How will I do it differently next time? 2+ Observation– If there are several facilitators, take turns to observe how participants are responding to the activities and discussions, and then give feedback to each other after the session or activity+ If alone, observe how learners are responding and working together+ During the conduct of the session, watch out for the following: a+ Who is actively participating and who is quiet all the time? b+ Who talks most and who talks least? Are learners listening to each other? c+ Are learners working together or splitting into smaller groups? d+ What is the mood of the group? Are learners bored or interested? Is anyone upset or embarrassed? PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL 3+ Feedback from learners – Solicit feedback by asking or encouraging learners to verbalize their view on the activity or session+ You may go around and ask learners to say something or may call out for volunteers to share their thoughts+ The following feedback questions can be helpful: a+ What is the most important thing you have learned from this activity or session? b+ How will you use what you have learned in your own life (if appropriate)? c+ What did you enjoy most about this activity? d+ What did you find difficult? e+ What suggestions do you have for improving the activity? f+ What questions or issues would you like to cover in the next activity? To add fun, ask learners to respond to the above questions through the following: a+ Making actions or gestures: for example, they put one hand up and wave if they found the activity interesting; put their hands on their lap if they found the activity neither interesting nor boring; put their two thumbs down if they found the activity boring; put their two thumbs down and waggle them if activity was very boring+ b+ Make an imaginary line on the ground, label one end “Very Interesting” and the other end “Boring+” Ask learners to stand along the line according to how they feel about the activity+ Make referrals for needed services. Issues may arise in the sessions that require referral and follow-up+ For example, a participant may need counseling or a particular health service as requested or manifested during the session+ Respond appropriately by contacting and collaborating with resource people and service providers in the community and work with them to respond to the issues raised by the participant or group+ Whatever the case may be, the confidentiality of sensitive information should be maintained+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL TOPIC PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Introduction Marriage is a very big decision to make – one that will affect every aspect of a couple’s life, as partners, as individuals, and as members of the bigger society+ Thus, before getting married, couples must fully understand what they are getting into, what their responsibilities will be, how to handle issues and conflicts they may encounter, and how important it is to make the marriage work and maintain a harmonious relationship+ The first part of this Manual Part 1 – Topic One: Marriage and Relationships – will help would-be couples gain a good understanding of marriage and the relationships borne out of the marriage+ It will enable couples to know that marriage, more than just a license for two persons to live together and beget children, comes with a lot of responsibilities not only to one another, but also to one another’s families, and most especially to the family they will form together+ And more than just a promise a couple makes to one another, marriage is also a legal contract that will bind them, legally, for the rest of their lives+ Topic One consists of five sessions, each dealing with important information couples need to know, and issues they must be prepared to handle when they get married+ These include: marriage and its requisites; spouses’ roles and obligations in the marriage relationship; the elements of a harmonious relationship; and laws governing marriage+ The fifth and last session provides couples with information on the services they can avail of to nurture their marriage+ SESSION Marriage What is marriage? And why do people get married? Is it just a decision between two people to live together – for love and the desire to be constantly together, for sexual gratification, to have children and raise a family, for mutual support and to share their life together, to satisfy social expectations or fulfill their expected roles? Marriage is a legal contract between husband and wife, but at the same time, a social institution+ Therefore, a couple should know fully well what marriage is, its requirements, and the responsibilities that come with it before getting married+ This is because marriage is a life-long commitment that cannot be easily dissolved without legal grounds+ This session provides some answers to the questions above as it discusses the meaning, requisites, and the social dimensions of marriage+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to: 1+ Articulate what marriage is and its purpose+ 2+ Identify the requisites of marriage or the conditions to be met in order for a marriage to be valid+ ACTIVITY: Why do you want to get married? Process Materials 1+ Ask some participants to share to the group the reason  Results of the why they want to get married+ Let them write their MEIF responses on a metacard or ask them to share these  A cutout with the verbally to the group+ focused question: 2+ Cluster and summarize the responses+ Why do I want to 3+ Start the discussion of the key messages from the get married? elaboration or processing of the participants’ outputs+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. Marriage is a binding legal contract between a man and a woman for the establishment of conjugal and family life.  The New Family Code of the Philippines (Executive Order ) provides that: Marriage is a special contract of a permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with the law for the establishment of conjugal and family life+ It is the foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution whose nature, consequences, and incidents are governed by law and not subject to stipulation, except when marriage settlements may fix the property relations during the marriage within the limits provided by this Code+  The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) is a declaration adopted by the United Nations General Assembly, Article 16 of which guarantees that: Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family+ They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution+  Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses+  The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State+ 2. Marriage is entered into for two (2) main reasons: to satisfy a man’s and a woman’s need for love and intimacy; and to provide a foundation for the formation of a family.  As provided in the New Family Code:  The primary purpose of marriage is to spiritually, emotionally, and physically unite a man and woman together, as husband and wife, in a covenantal (agreement or contract) relationship between themselves and their Creator+  Marriage is also entered into by couples to provide for the physical needs for human love, intimacy, and procreation+  Each religion has its respective definition and purpose of marriage which the couples may also consider+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL 3. With an understanding of the legal and social definition and purpose of marriage, spouses should reflect on the following:  Are we both ready to enter a life-long commitment to each other and to our com- munity as a married couple or as a social institution?  Have we prepared ourselves for the legal, formal, psychological, and other requirements of marriage? SESSION Roles and Relationships In marriage, as in any relationship, the participants – the husband and wife – have respective roles to play+ These roles must be understood by both parties from the start of the marriage so that each can effectively perform his/her role in the relationship+ Understanding each other’s roles can also clarify expectations from one another to avoid marital conflicts+ These roles come with duties and responsibilities (to one another, to the family, and other people who have to do with the family), as well as rights that each must exercise and respect+ In addition, in Filipino culture, a married couple’s roles, responsibilities and rights are not only with and toward one another, but also with and toward in-laws and the extended family+ Sometimes, conflicts between husband and wife arise from issues related to in-laws and extended families+ Hence, it is important that couples are able to keep good relations with in-laws and handle issues related to them+ Apart from these, there are many other potential issues that can come between two individuals who have come together to live as a married couple+ These issues can arise from a range of causes, from keeping one’s individuality and independence to inability to communicate, problems in sharing time, money and resources, unfulfilled expectations, and other problems+ But with understanding and cooperation, couples can manage these issues and live a harmonious married life+ These topics are discussed in this session+ TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to: 1+ Identify their would-be roles and obligations as husband and wife+ 2+ Explain how they can maintain a harmonious relationship with the family of their spouse (i+e+ in-laws and extended family)+ 3+ Identify the challenges and approaches to nurturing and strengthening their married life+ ACTIVITY 1 : Expectations on Marital Roles Process Materials 1. If there are more than six (6) couples, divide  Two (2) ballpens or them into two (2) groups+ permanent marker pens 2+ Go back to the respective MEIFs of the  Sheets of paper or couples as reference+ metacards 3+ Based on the MEIF, identify aspects of  Masking tape marriage that most couples have differing expectations on+ Have them list the items on a metacard or piece of paper+ 4+ Instruct the groups to rank the most common items that couples have disagreement on+ 5+ Let the groups present their outputs to the plenary+ 6+ Process the outputs by asking the following guide questions: a+ How do you think these disagreements can potentially affect your relationship as couples ? b+ How do you think conflicts on these issues can be avoided or resolved in case they happen? 7+ As the responses are discussed, integrate the key messages and discussion contents+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL ACTIVITY 2 : Ro l e s of H u s b a n d a n d W i f e Process Materials 1+ Divide the participants into two groups: male and  Two (2) ballpens or female+ permanent marker 2+ Ask each group to list down the role that they will pens play as the husband or wife in the family+  Sheets of paper or 3+ Have the representative designated by each group metacards read out the group’s output+ Ask the other  Masking tape participants to just listen to each group’s report without criticizing or contradicting the responses+ 4+ Process the outputs by highlighting the common responses and relate them to the key messages and discussion contents for this session+ KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. Both husband and wife have shared responsibilities, duties, and obligations in their married life, in establishing and raising the family, and in encouraging and supporting each other’s personal growth and development.  The husband and wife are obliged to live together in harmony, observe mutual love, respect and fidelity, and render mutual help and support+  They shall both decide on the family domicile+  They shall be jointly responsible for the financial, moral, psychological, and spiritual support to the family+  They have both the shared right and duty to manage the household+  Each spouse is free to exercise his/her profession, occupation or activity with support from the other spouse+ If there is an objection from either spouse, both spouses will discuss the matter and come to an agreement based on whether there are valid, serious and moral grounds for the objection that are accepted by both+  The husband and wife shall take care of each other’s health and wellness+  The husband and wife shall be each other’s primary support system+  The husband and wife shall strive and work to resolve conflicts peacefully and amicably+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL 2. Maintaining a nurturing and harmonious relationship is not limited between spouses but also among each spouse’s family.  In Filipino culture, when persons marry, they automatically become members of their spouses’ families; hence, maintaining good and peaceful relationships with in-laws or their spouse’s relatives is perceived as important in strengthening marriage and family relations/ties+  Some of the tips in maintaining good relationship with in-laws are the following:  Treat and consider your in-laws as your own parents – let them feel that they are part of your family+  Build mutual respect by observing traditions and special occasions, and respecting in-laws’ privacy and differing opinions/ideas+  Let in-laws enjoy, bond, and interact with the children+  Maintain good and open communication with them and discuss emerging conflicts maturely+  Be open and learn from their suggestions or insights about marital or family life+ 3. No marriage/relationship is perfect. There will always be challenges, and all couples experience conflicts and issues along their married life. Top 10 Potential Marital Issues According to Experts Boundary Problems (Gina Holmes, author)  Checking out the personal stuff of the partner despite his/her being uncomfortable about it+  Trying to change the spouse into what the other would want him/her to become despite his/her disagreement+  Game-playing or manipulation – not giving the other spouse some needed privacy and independence+ Talking vs. Communicating (Viki Morandeira Tu, life coach and author; Melanie Pinola, author)  Not open to communication or not listening to what the other is saying because of preconceived judgments about the issue+  Miscommunication+  Expecting your partner to read your mind+  Giving in and not saying what you really want or think – ignoring the issue+  Harping on issues that could possibly be hopeless+  Not considering things from other people’s point of view+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Time Management (Susanne M+ Alexander, marriage educator and author)  Couples having so many things taking their time that they feel pulled towards multiple directions, which can cause the quality of the marriage to decline+ Intimacy (Stephanie Manes, relationship therapist)  Lack of interest or opportunity to keep the couple’s sexual or intimate connection alive+ Turned Focus (David T+ Pisarra, author)  Once the baby arrives, the focus of the wife may turn to the child, and never re- turns to the relationship with the husband, leading to lack of intimacy+ Emotional Infidelity (Sue Brans, relationship coach)  Emotional affairs are not just about sex but about having an intimate relationship with someone outside the marriage+ Money (Jenny and Rufus Triplett, relationship experts)  Disagreements due to spending habits, budgeting and saving money, e+g+, the way bills get paid, prioritizing needs, and not being able to delineate needs from wants+ Inability or Unwillingness to Forgive (Zachary Hamilton, marriage and relationship coach)  Marital issues are ignored or unresolved resulting in the repression of emotions (e+g+, hurt or anger) which, once triggered by an event, may resurface+ This is manifested by bringing up past mistakes or issues encountered during a fight+ Lack of Appreciation (Bill Farr, relationship and wellness coach and author)  Not giving back the affirmation your spouse deserves from the small or big efforts he/she exerts for the relationship to work+  Taking your spouse for granted+  Selfishly taking all the credits for certain accomplishments+ Allowing Technology to Interfere (Amy Morin, LCSW; Devan McGuinness, parenting, relationships and lifestyle trends specialist)  Distraction by technology in the guise of spending time together, e+g+, texting while having dinner, surfing the Internet in the evenings, and using their smartphones/gadgets constantly+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL SESSION For a marriage to last and stay strong, it is important to maintain harmony+ There are several elements of a harmonious relationship that couples should make sure they always have between them+ Among the most important ingredients, the lack of which can spell problems in a marriage and make it shaky, are commitment, communication, cooperation, understanding, acceptance, and mutual respect, among others+ There are many ways couples can cultivate these elements and preserve harmony in their relationship, such as spending more time with each other, enjoying happy moments together, talking with and listening to each other, and giving each other space to grow as individuals+ In this session, couples will learn these tips to live a happy, agreeable, and rewarding married life+ TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to: 1+ Identify and explain the factors that make a harmonious relationship and ways of strengthening and nurturing the marriage of a couple+ 2+ Explain the importance of maintaining good communication in marriage+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL ACTIVITY: Process Materials 1+ Ask each individual to accomplish the questionnaire on  PowerPoint “How You Feel Being Loved the Most” (Annex B1) presentation and 2+ Tell them to answer as they feel personally+ There are handouts on the no right or wrong answers+ 5 Languages of 3+ Then ask them to reflect on their responses and Love compare these with the responses of their partner+  Questionnaire on Guide them in the interpretation of their outputs+ the 5 Languages 4+ Remind the participants that: of Love (Annex a+ Their responses represent their individual preference B1) for love language or expression of love by their  Pens/pencils partner, which affirms or validates that they are loved+ This should be recognized by their partner+ b+ They may also consider how they express love and if it conforms to the preferred love language of their partner+ c+ They should also recognize that their love language may be affected by the presence of children and other circumstances, and thus, may change over time+ 5+ Process the activity by highlighting the key messages and discussion contents for this session+ Build on the experiences and insights from the participants rather than lecturing the key messages+ KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. To maintain harmony in marriage, a couple must have commitment, good communication, empathy, understanding, acceptance, love, loyalty and respect. It is also important to have sexual harmony, financial security, spiritual harmony, and mutual helping. The elements of a harmonious relationship are the following: Commitment – Both spouses should be committed to the relationship+  Husbands and wives/partners who are focused only on themselves and their own desires are not likely to find joy and satisfaction in their relationships+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Communication – Both silent and verbal communication can be strong expressions of love+ To experience the power of a higher kind of love, spouses/ partners need to:  Keep an open communication+  Be aware of each other’s expectations+  Verbalize and articulate needs and desires+  Recognize that even if they love each other, a couple may not necessarily and automatically know each other’s deepest thoughts+  Express what is going on inside their hearts and minds, how they feel about themselves or about a certain situation+  Share one’s thoughts and feelings with one another to make each other feel worthy, loved, appreciated and safe in each other’s affection+  Communication is also important in effectively managing emerging marital conflicts+ A couple should never end a day without first resolving any conflict that might have happened between them during the day+ Empathy – This pertains to the ability to understand another person’s perspective by putting oneself in the other person’s situation+ Husbands and wives/partners are more contented in their relationship when they perceive that their spouses/partners truly understand their thoughts and feelings+ This also avoids preconceived biases or prejudgments about certain actions or behaviors of the partner+ Acceptance – When people feel that their spouses/partners truly accept them for who and what they are, they are usually more secure and more confident in their relationship+  Often, conflicts arise because partners cannot accept the individual preferences of their spouse, try to impose their own ideas or preferences on the other, and demand the spouse to change in order to suit one’s own standards of how a person should be or should behave+  When one person tries to force change on another person, the change is usually met with resistance+ The same is true with married couples+ Basic acceptance is vital to a happy marriage/union+  Acceptance, however, does not mean that a spouse should tolerate the other’s actions that negatively affect the relationships+ Couples should strive to change negative behaviors for the good of the relationship or of the family+ Love and loyalty – Love and loyalty between spouses foster trust and respect+ This involves the feeling of being loved by their spouse which creates also a feeling of confidence that they are able to keep the love and interest of their spouse+ Love is what binds couples to a lasting and meaningful relationship+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Satisfying sexual relationship or sexual harmony – When done as an expression of love and care, sex serves as a powerful instrument of marital fulfillment and happiness+  Sexual harmony happens when husband and wife recognize and appreciate each other’s sexual needs, desires, and preferences+ It also means the ability to give and receive sexual satisfaction from each other+ Sexual harmony can be achieved through a loving relationship between husband and wife who communicate and respect each other+ Financial security – This pertains to the capacity of the couples to provide for the basic needs of the family to ensure not only their survival but their total well-being+  Many conflicts and problems of couples stem from the lack of financial security+ When there is financial security, couples can focus more on the positive aspects of married life, like spending more happy times together and spending quality time with their children+  Wise budgeting and spending are necessary to support the financial needs of the family+ Spirituality – This involves putting the Supreme Being at the center of the couple’s marital relationship+ When God completes the relationship, the marriage/union is strengthened+ The proverb that states “A cord of three strands is not easily broken” holds true in a God-centered relationship+ Mutual service – Married life is a life of mutual service and support+ Spouses help each other through equitable division of labor, sharing of responsibilities, and complementing each other’s roles in maintaining the home and raising the family+ A loving companionship involves daily acts of support, encouragement and assistance+ 2. Shared and mutual effort from both spouses is necessary to make these elements work. PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL SESSION Other Related Laws On Marriage Besides the New Family Code of the Philippines which defines and provides for the legal conditions and requisites of marriage in the country, there are other laws in the Philippines that preserve the institution of family, protect the rights of each spouse, and promote the safety and well-being of family members+ Among these are the Anti-Violence Against Women and Children Act of 2004, the Magna Carta of Women and the Anti-Rape Law+ The recently passed Responsible Parenthood and Reproductive Health (RPRH) Law gives clear provisions on the rights of couples to decide and plan the size of their family, and the duty of the State to provide couples the means to realize this decision and the health care services needed by men and women to attain good reproductive health+ The law is also explicit about the duty of the State to promote every person’s “right to health, responsible parenthood, social justice, and full human development+” The key provisions of these laws are discussed in this session+ TIME ALLOTMENT: 5 minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to: 1+ Identify and explain the factors that make a harmonious relationship and ways of strengthening and nurturing the marriage of a couple+ 2+ Explain the importance of maintaining good communication in marriage+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. In the Philippines, there are laws that provide the legal basis for marriage as well as protect the individuals who go into the marital union. Couples, before they get married, should get familiarized with these laws so that they will know what their obligations are under the law and how the law protects them when they are married.  The Philippine Constitution and the Family Code recognize that marriage, as an inviolable social institution, is the foundation of the family and shall be protected by the State+  Further, Republic Act also known as the Responsible Parenthood and Reproductive Health Law, affirms the roles of the State in protecting the family+ This law also promotes the rights of the couples to exercise their reproductive rights, particularly their right to have their desired number, timing, and spacing of children within the demands of responsible parenthood through universal access to reproductive health information and services, including family planning+  In addition, there are other laws in the Philippines that protect and nurture marriage, and which can be resorted to in case of violence or abuse in the home+ Married couples should know and observe these laws+ Republic Act No. 9262: Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 (Promulgated March 8, 2004)  Violence against women and their children refers to any act or a series of acts committed by any person against a woman who is his wife, former wife, or against a woman with whom the person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, or with whom he has a common child, or against her child whether legitimate or illegitimate, within or without the family abode, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harassment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty+  The State recognizes the need to protect the family and its members, particularly women and children, from violence and threats to their personal safety and security+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Republic Act No. 9710: Magna Carta of Women  The Magna Carta of Women provides for women’s protection from all forms of violence, including those committed by the State and defense of women against gender-based violence (including domestic violence)+  It also provides equal rights in all matters relating to marriage and family relations+ The State shall ensure the same rights for women and men to: enter into and leave marriages, freely choose a spouse, decide on the number and spacing of their children, enjoy personal rights including the choice of a profession, own, acquire, and administer their property, and acquire, change, or retain their nationality+ It also states that the betrothal and marriage of a child shall have no legal effect+ Republic Act No. 8353: Anti-Rape Law of (September  The law states that rape is committed by a man who shall have carnal knowledge of a woman and uses force, threat, or intimidation+  The Supreme Court recognizes the lawmakers intended to include and penalize marital rape under the definition of rape+ As such, forced sex between married couples is still rape and cannot be excused under the guise of marriage+ (Acosta, 2015)+ See Annex C for other laws related to marriage+ SESSION Services Available For Nurturing Marriage In case a couple needs help, whether in understanding laws or concepts that concern marriage, in enriching their relationship, or in resolving marital issues, there are a number of government services provided by the local government unit or national government agencies that they can avail of+ In addition, there are also private, non-government and religious entities that have programs offering counseling for couples and family life enrichment activities+ Couples should find out where such services are available in their area, and not hesitate to avail of them when needed+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to identify government services and programs they can avail of in regard to marriage and family+ KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT Services and programs on enriching and nurturing marriage are provided by the local government unit, as well as by non-government and private organizations and some national government agencies+ Services/Programs Sources of Services a+ Marriage counseling  Municipal or City Social Welfare and Development Office (M/CSWDO) b+ Responsible Parenthood and Family  M/CSWDO Planning (RPFP) classes  Municipal/City Population c+ Classes on Male Involvement in RPFP Office (M/CPO) and Gender Equality  Municipal/City Health Office d+ Parenting Education on Adolescent (M/CHO) Health and Development  Commission on Population and Development (POPCOM) e+ Services for victims of violence  Barangay VAWC Desk against women and children (VAWC)  M/CSWDO f+ Pre-departure Guidance and  Commission on Filipinos Counseling Program (PDGCP) for Overseas Filipino spouses and other partners of foreign citizens, including former Filipinos g+ Other family and marriage-oriented  Local Government Unit programs by the local government PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL SYNTHESIS OF TOPIC ONE Now we know more about marriage and the relationships that we need to nurture when we get married, which include not only our relationship with our spouse, but also with our spouse’s family+ We learned that marriage, has legal requirements that we need to comply with, and legal implications that we have to observe over its duration+ At the same time, the law also provides protection from abuse to each spouse and ensures the well-being of family members by making it the duty of the State to provide the services needed by the couple to achieve their plans for their family+ We were also given tips on how to prevent and handle marital issues, as no marriage is perfect and all couples are bound to encounter some conflict in the course of their married life+ But with commitment, communication, understanding, cooperation, love and respect, we can maintain harmony in marriage, and live a rewarding married life+ Having learned what it takes to get married, in the next topic we will learn what it takes to be good and responsible parents, how to treat and manage our children and bring them up well+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL TOPIC PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Introduction Responsible parenthood is about the capacity of parents to provide for the various needs of the family and to achieve their well-being and aspirations+ It involves the capacity to decide jointly on the number of children that a couple can afford to support adequately and raise efficiently+ Being responsible parents also means that the children they will bring into the world will be healthy and well cared for+ Thus, it is also part of responsible parenthood to make sure that the mother is physically ready to bear and give birth to a child, and that both parents are emotionally, mentally, physically and economically ready to raise the child+ Waiting for the right time to get married and have children will allow both the boy and the girl, or the man and the woman, more time to develop and achieve the capacities they will need to become better parents, like education, employment, economic stability, personal maturity, and self-confidence+ Responsible parenting comes with a lot of duties and responsibilities+ These include not only taking care of one’s children to keep them healthy, but also bringing them up well to be happy and responsible adults+ This part of the manual lays down the duties and responsibilities needed by parents to have a healthy, happy, and economically stable family+ It also provides us tips on how parents can relate well with their children, communicate with them, and handle issues they may encounter at various stages of their children’s development+ Lastly, Topic Two also gives pointers on how to manage the home and maintain a safe and wholesome home environment for the whole family+ SESSION Responsible Parenthood Responsible parenthood is the ability of a couple to raise a strong and stable family, and make the family a reliable source of emotional, mental, social, economic and moral support for the children+ Part of responsible parenthood is the ability to provide for the needs of the children and support them to achieve their aspirations throughout their development+ This includes keeping them healthy, well-educated, socially secure and well-adjusted+ Responsible parenting is a joint responsibility of a couple+ This joint responsibility starts from the decision on how many children they want and when to have them up to the decisions and actions they take as they raise their children from babyhood to adulthood+ The proper development of children depends a lot on how well parents perform their joint parenting responsibilities+ This session discusses the definition and elements of responsible parenthood+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to: 1+ Explain the meaning of family, responsible parenthood, and responsible parenting+ 2+ Elaborate on the elements of responsible parenthood+ ACTIVITY: Family Visioning Process Materials 1+ Instruct each couple to create a vision for themselves  Sheets of and their family by listing three (3) to five (5) things bond paper that they want to have in the next five (5) to ten (10)  Pens/pencils years+ Their list may contain the following: new house having children, productive employment, new business venture, etc+ 2+ Have each couple create a visual representation of their vision for their family+ 3+ Request one (1) or two (2) couple participants to share with the group what they have in their list and the visual image they have made+ 4+ Process the activity by emphasizing the importance of responsible parenthood in their capacity to achieve the aspirations or their vision of their family+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. The family is the basic unit of society. It is the wellspring of strength and stability of a community and nation.  A family is traditionally seen as being made up of a father (husband), mother (wife), and their child or children+  The family is a child’s immediate environment and serves as the foundation for the child’s physical, social, mental, emotional, and moral well-being+  The family is the source of the child’s sense of security and belongingness, and the source of nurturance for his/her emotional and economic growth+  Couples who are not married and only living together are also considered as family because of their intense emotional bonds or affinity+  Families are the cornerstone of our society+ The quality of the family defines the quality of our nation+  Family structures are changing because of socio-economic and cultural factors; as such, it needs to be protected from factors that may undermine their integrity, well-being, and harmony+ 2. Responsible parenthood is the ability and shared responsibility of husband and wife to provide for and fulfill the aspirations of the children and the family. Planning the number and timing of having children to make sure that they will be healthy and well-provided for is part of responsible parenthood.  Responsible parenthood is the will and ability to respond to the needs and aspirations of the family and the children+ It involves the psychological preparedness and health status of both parents, as well as other sociocultural and economic concerns+  It is the primary right and responsibility of parents to get actively involved in the promotion of their children’s well-being through the provision of adequate care, attention, and affection+ The key elements of responsible parenthood are:  Awareness and preparedness of duties and responsibilities of parents;  Promotion and protection of the rights of the children;  Nurturing parent and child relationship and observance of effective communication;  Effective shared home management; PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL  Practicing family planning;  Promoting safe motherhood and child health and nutrition;  Fostering community involvement and participation; 3. Responsible parenting is the assumption of the joint responsibility by husband and wife in decisions about having and nurturing children, providing for the needs of the family and attaining family aspirations, and positively contributing to community development.  Responsible parenting involves a series of decisions parents make to ensure the best possible life for themselves, for their children, and for the communities they belong to+  More than just making decisions, responsible parenting is a commitment to ensure the well-being of the family and to enable each member to fully develop one’s capabilities and potentials+ Responsible parenting includes the process of deciding how many children to have and when to have them+  The success of a family to provide a stable foundation for the development of children rests a lot on the ability of parents to practice responsible parenthood+  There are different parenting styles in the Philippines+ They may be classified into the following:  Authoritarian: Parents have full authority over every aspect of their child’s life+  Permissive: Parents do not set standards for their children+  Neglectful: Parents are not interested in their children’s affairs+  Authoritative: Parents balance demands and discipline with responsiveness+ SESSION Duties and Responsibilities of Parents The New Family Code and the Child and Youth Welfare Code of the Philippines enumerate the duties and responsibilities of parents toward their children+ It is important that, before getting married, couples know what these responsibilities are and be able to determine how ready they are to assume these responsibilities or what they need to do to prepare themselves for the task of parenting that lies before them+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL It must be noted that these responsibilities are not confined only to taking care of the children’s basic needs, like food, clothing, and shelter, but include also the development of their moral and spiritual values, their sense of responsibility and community, their social skills, and their ability to become productive members of society+ When couples decide on the number of children they want to have, they should be aware that they have responsibilities to every child, and as the size of their family increases, these responsibilities also increase+ Thus, as they plan for the future of their family, they should also plan for providing time and resources to respond to each child’s needs, and be ready to make necessary life improvements accordingly+ The couple should be able to care for and relate well with their children as the members of the family increase+ All of these parental responsibilities are discussed in this session+ TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to identify and explain the duties and responsibilities of parents+ ACTIVITY : Throwback Process Materials 1+ Ask each participant to think of an event during their  Sheets of childhood that they consider the happiest moment of paper (in their life as a child (for one ( ) minute)+ case they 2+ Then ask them to think of an event during their need to take childhood which they consider as the saddest or lowest down notes) moment of their life as a child ( minute)+ 3+ Let them share their reflections with their spouse or partner+ 4+ Ask one ( ) to two ( ) volunteers to share their stories to the plenary+ 5+ Process the activity by asking them the following questions : PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Process Materials a+ What did you feel when you remembered the highest and lowest moment of your childhood? b+ What did you learn about that experience in relation to your plan to be a parent yourself? 6+ Further process the activity by pointing out the importance of responsible parenting to their children through the key messages+ ACTIVITY : Duties and Responsibilities of Parents Process Materials 1+ Distribute metacards to the participants+  Metacards 2+ Ask them to write their concept of parents’ duties and  Markers responsibilities+  Masking 3+ Tell them to post their cards on the board+ tape 4+ Process the outputs of the participants by clustering common ideas+ 5+ Deepen the discussion by pointing out the key messages as they relate with the outputs of the group+ KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. Parents have enormous duties and responsibilities toward their children, as provided for by law. Knowing and understanding these duties and responsibilities enable parents to apply them towards their children today and in the future.  It is the right and responsibility of parents to get actively involved in the promotion of their children’s well-being through the provision of adequate care, attention, and affection+  Parents have the following duties and responsibilities to their children: Providing physical care, love and basic needs  The quality of children’s physical, mental, and emotional health depends on the quality of parental care they get from their parents and significant others as they grow+ Caring for the child starts while the child is still in the womb+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL  Parents should provide their children with basic needs such as clothing, adequate nutrition, a happy home environment, and health care+  Parents need to ensure the health of their children, provide them affection and proper attention+ Inculcating in them the right values, good conduct, and discipline  Parents should be the role models for their children+  Children should be trained by parents to think, reason out, think critically, and distinguish between right and wrong+  As early as one year old, children should be taught how to accept limitations, value freedom and responsibility, and understand the requirements of living well and peacefully with others+  Parents should also teach their children the value of saving and wise use of money, frugality, and self-reliance+ These can be taught to children early on as they budget and decide how to spend their allowance+ Teaching them their roles and responsibilities  Parents should also be able to teach their children their responsibilities and roles towards their parents+ The Family Code of the Philippines provides that: “Children shall always observe respect and reverence towards their parents and are obliged to obey them as long as the children are under parental authority+” ( a)+  Teach children responsible and productive use of modern information and communication technologies (ICT)+ Developing their social competence  Socially competent children are described as friendly, happy, self-confident, responsible, imaginative, alert and energetic+ They enjoy work, have good communication skills, and are a good sport+  Social competence can only be achieved if children have high self-esteem+ This is developed by allowing them to do things on their own, think for themselves, and make decisions in accordance with their level of development+  Self-confidence is an important component of social competence+ This is developed by praising children for their efforts and congratulating them for their successes+ If they fail, encourage them to try again+  Scolding and shaming them can do more harm than good+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL Education  Parents are the children’s first teacher, and the home, their first school+ Suitable learning experiences must be provided in the home to hasten their mental development as early as infancy+  Every child has the right to education+ Parents are required to send their children to school and provide for their education+  Parents are also duty-bound to discover and nurture their children’s innate talents and abilities to the fullest extent possible+ Citizenship training It is necessary to teach children a sense of nationhood and develop their commitment to their country+ They are to be taught the value of order, cooperation, tolerance, sportsmanship, self-discipline and self-reliance through home and play experiences aside from the learning they get in school+ Educating children in age-appropriate aspects of human sexuality and gender sensitivity Parents should provide correct information on responsible human sexuality with their children+ It has been proven that children who are appropriately aware of their sexuality are more able to protect themselves and become well-adjusted and responsible adults+ Spiritual and value formation Parents should guide their children to develop their spirituality based on their belief and religion+ They should teach their children to have fear and reverence for their God+ They should also be able to form the right values and principles that their children should adhere to as they grow up+ SESSION Effective Parent-Child Communication Communication between parents and children and other members of the family is a vital element of good family relationships+ Communication between parents and children sometimes can be a bit more complicated considering the age gap and the differences in interests and orientations, and sometimes even in the language+ PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL In the modern age, it often becomes difficult for parents to maintain constant communication with their children, especially during the adolescent years when children have gained more independence and have developed their own social circles+ In recent years, there has also been a need to rethink how parents teach values and attitudes to their children, particularly in the face of other influencing factors like television, the Internet, and social media+ It is important for parents to maintain communication with their children+ Verbal and non-verbal gestures, like hugging or kissing, sometimes can be even more effective than words in showing parental concern and approval+ Listening is also a very important part of communication+ This session discusses concerns about improving communication between parents and their children+ TIME ALLOTMENT: minutes OBJECTIVES OF THE SESSION At the end of the session, would-be married couples will be able to identify the ways of communicating effectively with their children in order to develop good parent-child relationship+ ACTIVITY: Greatest Love of All Process Materials 1+ Flash/play the song the “Greatest Love  Audio copy of the song of All+” “Greatest Love of All” 2+ Generate from the couples their reactions  LCD and let them write their reactions on the  PowerPoint presentation metacards/sheets of paper+  Meta cards or sheets 3+ Process the output of the participants by of paper relating their responses to what and how  Pentel pens parents can teach their children+  Masking tape PRE-MARRIAGE ORIENTATION AND COUNSELING MANUAL KEY MESSAGES AND DISCUSSION CONTENT 1. Communication is very important in maintaining a harmonious relationship. As such, communication between parents and children is vital in guiding them through their growth and development.  Basic Principles of Good Parent-Child Communication. Good communication is an important parenting skill+ Parenting can be more enjoyable when positive parent-child relationship is established+ Below are the basic principles of good parent-child communication:  Let the child know that you are interested and involved and that you will help when needed+  Give full attention when your child wants to talk to you+  Unless other people need to be part of

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