Child Abuse PDF

What is abuse? OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G Abuse is any behaviour used to control another person’s actions. Abuse can happen to anyone, whether you’ve experienced abuse in the past...

What is abuse? OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G Abuse is any behaviour used to control another person’s actions. Abuse can happen to anyone, whether you’ve experienced abuse in the past or not. If you grew up with abuse, this behaviour might seem normal to you. However, abuse puts the person being abused and their children’s health at risk. If the violence or threat of violence has happened once, it’s very likely to happen again. It often gets worse over time, happens more and more often, and is more intense. It often develops into a cycle of abuse. Not all abuse fits this cycle. Often, as time goes on, the ‘honeymoon phase’ disappears. If the image on this page seems familiar to you, there is help available. Cycle of Abuse Tension building minor incidents of physical/emotional abuse victim feels growing tension victim tries to control situation to avoid violence ‘walking on egg shells’ victim cannot control abuser longest phase Minimizing the abuse or acting as if it did not happen. Denial keeps the cycle going. Denial Honeymoon Phase Perpetrators, victims, and Explosion abuser sorry and apologetic society at large minimize The actual abuse is: abuser makes promises abuse in relationships. physical ‘hearts and flowers’ sexual idealized and romantic emotional this phase often disappears verbal with time financial It’s okay for adults to disagree, but nobody deserves to be abused or to see abuse. Many people who are abused stay in a relationship to keep their family and home together. However, children who see abuse are harmed by it. No one has the right to abuse another person or child. Healthy Parents, Healthy Children | The Early Years 41  If you’re experiencing abuse, talk with someone you can trust like a friend, family member or your health care provider. There are programs for families and partners who have experienced abuse and for those who abuse. There’s help for everyone in the family: If you’re in danger, call the police at 911. If you’re hurt or have health concerns, go to your health care provider, urgent care centre or emergency department. Tell them how you got hurt. Call Health Link at 811 for your local emergency shelter, available 24/7, when it’s safe for you to do so. Call the Family Violence Info Line toll-free at 310-1818, available 24/7 in more than 170 languages. You can also call this number to get information to help you understand abuse, access financial supports, and find information about a place to stay, if you need one. Call or text Alberta’s One Line for Sexual Violence at 1-866-403-8000 (same number for voice and text). Online chat is also available. Alberta’s One Line for Sexual Violence is private and available throughout Alberta, 9am–9pm. Visit the Links section at healthyparentshealthychildren.ca/resources to learn more about abuse, staying safe and getting support: Find a lawyer from the Law Society of Alberta Lawyer Referral Service who will answer your questions in confidence—the first consult will often not cost you anything. Call Legal Aid Alberta, toll-free at 1-866-845-3425 to find a lawyer to represent you. If you’re new to Canada and want to find out about your rights, contact your local Citizenship and Immigration Canada Office. What is neglect? All parents or caregivers have times when they cannot respond to children right away. This is not neglect. As your child gets older, they’ll learn that people are not always able to respond right away. When children are well looked after, they’ll learn over time how to care for themselves and how to problem-solve more and more on their own. Neglect happens when the people who are supposed to care for children do not: provide for their children things such as food, clothing, housing, medical and dental care, and education pay enough attention to and love them respond to or interact with them and show them affection give them the protection they need for their age and stage of development 42 The Early Years | Healthy Parents, Healthy Children It’s a very serious problem when children are mostly ignored, given no attention and when OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G no one knows where they are, what they’re doing, or if they’re safe. Neglect affects how children grow and develop. If you and your children are in any of these situations, there are many people and agencies that can help. Call Health Link at 811 or talk with your health care provider to connect with people who can support you and your children. Parenting together Whether you’re in the same home or live There are many ways to raise a child apart, parenting with someone else is a shared responsibility. Here are some tips to help you Parenting differs from child to child, parent to parent and family parent together: to family. It can also differ by Focus on communication. Healthy generation, community, country communication is important. Try to hear the and culture. How you choose to other person’s point of view, even when you bring up your child may be similar don’t agree. Plan ahead and talk about how to or different from how your parents raised you. you’ll share parenting responsibilities. Parenting advice in this book is Expect an emotional journey. You have your based on up-to-date information own physical and mental health and changing about raising children to help roles to think about. Talk about your successes, guide you in your decisions. challenges, hopes and fears together. Appreciate your differences. When sharing parenting, you may not always share the same views or do things the same way. Even if you have different styles, what is important is to agree on the overall approach, the expectations you have for your child, and to be consistent as much as possible. Talk about your long-term goals for your child. If you have different ideas about a parenting decision, you can revisit these goals and use them as a way to re-focus the conversation on what’s important to both of you. “ Talk it over Be patient with yourself, your child and If you’re sharing parenting your partner because you’re all on this with extended family, ” communication and journey together, learning as you go. It relationship building are just as does get easier. It takes time. important. Be sure everyone is clear about who is responsible ~ Parth, dad of one child for what. Healthy Parents, Healthy Children | The Early Years 43  Parenting when separated or divorced A separation or divorce is very stressful for the whole family. Each family member adjusts to the change in their own way. Although separation and divorce change a family’s structure, it does not change your responsibilities and feelings for your children. Good communication becomes even more important when parenting happens between two families and two homes. If you’re in this situation, you’ll need to work together to help prevent this from becoming toxic stress for your child (see page 23). Here are some ways you can support your child to feel safe and secure: Assure them that both parents love them and are still a part of their life. Support for families when separating or divorcing Help them understand that it’s not their fault. Libraries, support groups and Children sometimes think they’re responsible community or public health for their parents’ separation. centres offer a wide range of Help them understand that they can’t resources for families going change decisions you and your former through divorce or separation. partner have made. If you and your family are having a hard time, call Health Link at 811 Follow your family’s regular routines as much to learn about agencies that offer as possible. marriage or divorce counselling. Talk with your child about their feelings, and tell them you understand that they may feel angry and confused. Make a plan with your former partner on how you’ll both handle transitions as your child grows, for example moving from a crib to a bed or starting school. Being as consistent as possible and keeping the best interests of your child in mind will help make it easier for them. If you’re concerned about your child, ask for help from other family members or from a counsellor. Try to keep communication with your former partner as respectful as possible. If you and your former partner argue or fight often, it can have a serious and lasting effect on your child. Do not speak negatively about your former partner to your child and other people. If you need to share negative feelings, speak with a trusted friend or counsellor when your child is not there. 44 The Early Years | Healthy Parents, Healthy Children  You may want to have a trained person who doesn’t take sides or make decisions OV E R V I E W O F PA R E N T I N G (mediator) help you make a plan that includes an agreement about parenting or child support that you and your former partner will be able to keep. To find a mediator, call the Alberta Family Mediation Society toll-free at 1-877-233-0143 or visit the Links section at healthyparentshealthychildren.ca/resources “ ” For those in two parent situations—you need to be on the same page. If you struggle, you have to open the lines of communication. ~ Jessica, mom of two children Healthy Parents, Healthy Children | The Early Years 45  Growing and learning as parents As a parent, there’s a lot to learn—and children don’t come with a manual! Let this book be your guide to the most up-to-date information about parenting your child in the early years. As you get used to being a parent, you’ll learn as you go and you’ll learn something new with each child you have. No one expects you to have all the answers. When you have questions or concerns, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Start with the people you trust. Friends, family, neighbours and your health care providers can all be sources of support and information. Parenting programs, groups and classes are also available and can help you: learn ways to handle everyday challenges meet other parents share experiences have a break Parenting programs are for everyone. Some programs are available at no cost to you and others have a cost. Many agencies offer subsidies for parents who are not able to afford classes, so be sure to ask if this is a concern for you. Ask if there is child care available while you attend the class. For more information, call Health Link at 811 or talk with your health care provider or your Parent Link Centre. 46 The Early Years | Healthy Parents, Healthy Children