The Needle, Not the Knife PDF

7 The Needle, Not the Knife Disagreeing productively O ne of my childhood memories is listening with my family to the popular American radio show, Garrison Keillor’s A Prairie Home Companion. Keillor’s deep baritone voice is still heard Saturday afternoons on hundreds of National Public Radio sta...

7 The Needle, Not the Knife Disagreeing productively O ne of my childhood memories is listening with my family to the popular American radio show, Garrison Keillor’s A Prairie Home Companion. Keillor’s deep baritone voice is still heard Saturday afternoons on hundreds of National Public Radio stations as he makes gentle fun of Minnesotans (and just about everyone else). For years, one of the regular skits on Keillor’s show was about the French chef, Maurice, the proprietor of the mythical Café Boeuf, who sees any customer as a potential verbal sparring Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. partner. My favorite sketch involves Keillor calling to make a reservation at the Café Boeuf, only to be questioned vigorously by Maurice (in a ridiculously fake French accent, of course). What will Keillor be wearing? How can Maurice be sure that Keillor’s tie will work with the restaurant’s wallpaper? The more Keillor explains his sartorial choices, the more passionately Maurice questions and challenges him. It was through these sketches that I was first introduced to the image of the French as inveterate debaters. When I moved to France, this stereotype was echoed in the daily news. Strikes and demonstrations seemed to be part of the social fabric, triggered by everything from an increase in college tuition 195 Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 195 3/11/14 9:26 AM 196 erin Meyer to a proposed change in pension plans. But I really didn’t experience the French love of debate on a personal level until one evening when I was invited with my (French) husband Eric to a dinner party at the home of Hélène Durand, a friend from Eric’s school days. Hélène and her husband lived near a golf course west of Paris. There were four couples around the table. All were French, except for me. As the dinner progressed, the group was laughing and getting along beautifully, with Hélène and her best friend Juliette entertaining everyone with funny tales about their mishaps on the golf course that afternoon. But then, halfway into the meal, something unfortunate happened—or so I thought, from my American perspective. Juliette and Hélène got into a big argument over whether the town’s annual golf event, which occurs every spring practically in Hélène’s backyard, was a good thing or a bad one. Hélène declared fervently that she was “totalement contre” (completely against) the golf tournament. Juliette interrupted: “Hélène, tu dis ça parce que tu es égoïste. Moi, je suis pour!” (“You say that because you are selfish. I am all for it!”). The other guests began to take sides. Voices were rising and hands were waving. Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Now, in my own American culture, this type of debate at the dinner table is a very bad sign. It would likely result in someone— perhaps several someones—leaving the room in a huff, slamming the door, and not returning. So I was growing increasingly uncomfortable when Juliette looked directly at me and said, “Well, Erin, what do you think?” Having absolutely no desire to become embroiled in the debate and offend at least one of my new friends, I found my answer very quickly: “I have no opinion.” And to my utter surprise, within a few minutes, the topic changed to who was going where for the upcoming holidays—with no hard feelings whatsoever. I watched Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 196 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 197 in bafflement as Juliette and Hélène went arm in arm to the kitchen to get coffee, their laughter ringing through the apartment, best friends as always. Of course, a disagreement at the dinner table can happen in just about any culture. But the fact that Hélène and Juliette could engage in such spirited public battle with no apparent impact on their friendship marks the episode as distinctly cultural. Now think for a moment how a scene like this might play out in a business setting. Imagine the confusion that might arise among a team of people from varying cultures with dramatically different attitudes toward open disagreement. Uncomfortable? Unsettling? To say the least. confronTaTIon: loss of face or spIrITed debaTe? Li Shen, a young Chinese manager, eagerly accepted a job as a marketing manager for French multinational L’Oréal after earning her MBA at a prestigious European institution. Working at L’Oréal’s Shanghai office, Shen’s excellent English and acceptable French gave her a feeling of confidence when working with her European Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. colleagues. Shen recalls, “I hadn’t actually registered the cultural gap between myself and my French colleagues. After all, I studied for several years abroad, and I am much more international than most people in China. I like to feel I am able to easily move from one cultural arena to another.” After a few months, Shen was invited to come to Paris and present her ideas about how to tailor a marketing campaign to the Chinese market. “The company invested a lot in bringing me to the meeting, so I prepared my presentation tirelessly,” she recalls. “I spent all thirteen hours of the plane ride from Shanghai rehearsing each slide so that my points would be polished and convincing.” Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 197 3/11/14 9:26 AM 198 erin Meyer There were twelve people in the meeting, and Shen was the only non-European in the group. Shen’s ideas were clear and her preparation had been meticulous. But she was taken aback by the challenges thrown at her by her French colleagues. “It started with a question about why I had chosen to change a specific color in a print ad. As I explained my rationale, various members of the group began to challenge and question my decisions.” Shen felt attacked and humiliated. “But mostly I felt upset with myself,” she says. “They obviously did not feel that I was the marketing expert that I claimed to be.” Shen did her best to keep her voice steady through the presentation, but she admits, “In truth, I was almost in tears.” When the meeting finally ended, Shen gathered her things quickly and made a dash for the door. But before she could escape, she had a surprise. “Several of the participants, the very ones who had just challenged me in front of the group, came up to congratulate me,” she says. “They commented on how polished and interesting my presentation was. And at that moment, I realized I was much more Chinese than I had thought.” The concept that the Chinese call mianzi, or “face,” exists in all societies, but with varying levels of importance. When you pre- Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. sent yourself to others, you offer a persona that reflects what you publicly claim to be. For example, when I address a group of international executives, I present myself as a professor specializing in cross-cultural management, implicitly claiming expertise and skill at leading large groups of executives. So if a participant publicly suggests that I don’t know what I am talking about—that my expertise is scanty and my leadership skills are weak—I “lose face,” experiencing a sort of public shame. In Confucian societies like China, Korea, and Japan, preserving group harmony by saving face for all members of the team is of utmost importance. Confucius preached a model of five constant Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 198 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 199 relationships governing how the parent should behave to the child, the older sibling to the younger, the older friend to the younger friend, the husband to the wife, and the ruler to the subject. Under this model, group harmony exists when everyone plays his prescribed role and reinforces the roles of others. To suggest that others in the group are not living up to the expectations of their role leads to a loss of face and a disturbance of societal order. Raised in this cultural setting, Shen was shocked by the willingness of her French colleagues to challenge her ideas in a public forum. As she puts it, “In China, protecting another person’s face is more important than stating what you believe is correct.” Other Asian cultures—especially those of Japan, Indonesia and Thailand—are even more uncomfortable with direct disagreement than the Chinese. Once, when conducting a program with Toshiba Westinghouse, I asked the Japanese participants why their culture made such strong efforts to avoid confrontation. I received the following response from Hirotake Tokunaga a few days later: Pick up a Japanese 10,000-yen and you will see the face of Prince Shotuku, who developed the first Japanese written constitution. Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Prince Shotuku’s Seventeen-Article Constitution begins, “Harmony should be valued and quarrels should be avoided.” This sentence is deeply etched in Japanese people’s minds. Therefore, in Japan we strive to create harmony with others, and we believe disagreement is a clear path to breaking harmony. It is considered deeply impolite to challenge or refute another person’s point of view openly or publicly. Even the slightest deviation from the other person’s perspective must be made by the subtlest hint rather than boldly or argumentatively. In Western countries, everyone is expected to have a different idea from everyone else. In Japan, it is considered more Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 199 3/11/14 9:26 AM 200 erin Meyer important to avoid saying anything that might offend or disturb the harmony of those involved in the discussion and to always defer to the person of highest rank or status. After returning to China, Shen spoke to several European colleagues about what had happened at her presentation in Paris. “One of my French teammates explained that students in the French school system are taught to disagree openly.” As you may recall from our chapter on persuading, students in the French school system are taught to reason via thesis, antithesis, and synthesis, first building up one side of the argument, then the opposite side of the argument, before coming to a conclusion. Consequently, French businesspeople intuitively conduct meetings in this fashion, viewing conflict and dissonance as bringing hidden contradictions to light and stimulating fresh thinking. As Shen’s colleague explained to her, “We make our points passionately. We like to disagree openly. We like to say things that shock. With confrontation, you reach excellence, you have more creativity, and you eliminate risk.” Based on the examples we’ve seen so far, you won’t be surprised to learn that France falls on the confrontational side of the Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Disagreeing scale and that Japan is on the side that favors avoiding confrontation (Figure 7.1). The United States (and other AngloSaxon speaking countries) fall somewhere between these two extremes. To begin to assess where your own culture falls on this scale, ask yourself the question, “If someone in my culture disagrees strongly with my idea, does that suggest they are disapproving of me or just of the idea?” In more confrontational cultures, it seems quite natural to attack someone’s opinion without attacking that person. In avoid-confrontation societies, these two things are tightly interconnected. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 200 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map FIGURE 7.1. Israel Germany Denmark Australia France Russia Spain Italy Netherlands Confrontational 201 DISAGREEING US UK Sweden India China Indonesia Brazil Mexico Peru Ghana Japan Singapore Saudi Arabia Thailand Avoids confrontation Confrontational Disagreement and debate are positive for the team or organization. Open confrontation is appropriate and will not negatively impact the relationship. Avoids confrontation Disagreement and debate are negative for the team or organization. Open confrontation is inappropriate and will break group harmony or negatively impact the relationship. confronTaTIon versus eMoTIonal expressIveness Some who have experience working with people from the Netherlands, Denmark, or Germany may be surprised to find these cultures positioned so close to the French on the left-hand side of the Disagreeing scale. After all, people from these northern European cultures are generally considered to be reserved Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. in their expression of emotions. By the same token, a Mexican or Saudi Arabian might be surprised to see the right-hand positions of her culture on the scale. As one Mexican participant in one of my programs remarked, “When a Mexican is angry, that anger will pour out of him. We can’t hide how we feel.” Isn’t it logical that a cultural readiness to express emotions openly would be correlated with a similar willingness to express disagreement? There’s no doubt that some cultures are more emotionally expressive than others. In a study conducted by researchers Shahid, Krahmer, and Swerts at the University of Tilberg in the Netherlands, Dutch and Pakistani children were photographed while playing a Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 201 3/11/14 9:26 AM 202 erin Meyer card game. The photos were then shown to a group of seventy-two Dutch adults, who had to decide whether each pair of children in a given photo had won or lost the card game.1 The Dutch judges did a far better job of sorting winners from losers when looking at photos of Pakistani children than with Dutch children. A glance at some sample photos shows why (see Figure 7.2). Although all the children are emotionally expressive, the Pakistani children are far more demonstrative in their facial Figure 7.2. pakisTani children playing in pairs 8-year-olds winning 8-year-olds losing Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Top row: 8-year-olds winning BoTTom row: 8-year-olds losing duTch children playing in pairs Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 202 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 203 expressions and body language than the Dutch children. Other studies have found similar differences among other world cultures. But emotional expressiveness is not the same thing as comfort in expressing open disagreement. In some emotionally expressive cultures, such as Spain and France, people also express disagreement openly. But in other emotionally expressive cultures, such as Peru and the Philippines, people strongly avoid open Figure 7.2. (conTinued) pakisTani children playing in pairs 12-year-olds winning 12-year-olds losing Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Top row: 12-year-olds winning BoTTom row: 12-year-olds losing duTch children playing in pairs Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 203 3/11/14 9:26 AM 204 erin Meyer disagreement since there is a good chance it will lead to a break in the relationship. To understand how these two cultural patterns interact with one another, it’s necessary to map the Disagreeing scale against a second scale that measures how emotionally expressive a culture is. The result is a four-quadrant matrix (Figure 7.3). Quadrants A and D are pretty straightforward. In Quadrant A, emotions pour out—and this includes the emotions associated with disagreement, which can be expressed with little likelihood of relationships being harmed. Israel, France, Greece, Spain, and to a lesser degree Italy all follow this easy-to-read pattern. In Quadrant D, on the other hand, emotions are expressed more subtly—and disagreements are expressed more softly. Most Asian cultures fall into this quadrant; so, to a lesser degree, do a few European cultures, such as Sweden. FIGURE 7.3. Emotionally expressive Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Greece Israel France Italy Brazil Spain A India Saudi Arabia Mexico Peru C Philippines US Avoids confrontation Confrontational UK Netherlands Germany B Denmark D Sweden China Korea Japan Emotionally unexpressive Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 204 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 205 Quadrants B and C are somewhat more complicated and require a little more explanation. Quadrant B, which houses countries like Germany and the Netherlands, includes cultures that are generally not emotionally expressive, yet see debate and disagreement the way the French do—as a critical step on the path to truth. When I began consulting for DaimlerChrysler in 2002, distrust between the two historic divisions of the corporation ran deep, with many Daimler executives proclaiming publicly that they “would never drive a Chrysler.” But when I welcomed a group of thirty German and American DaimlerChrysler executives into my classroom to discuss the differences between their two cultures, the tensions were not apparent. On the contrary, the group worked hard to create an atmosphere of cohesion and friendliness, with the Germans speaking impeccable English, several of the Americans practicing their German, and members of each group humbly cracking jokes at their own expense. The training session seemed to be going quite well—until I introduced the Evaluating scale late in the first morning. When I explained that Americans are generally less direct Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. with negative feedback than Germans, Dirk Firnhaber, one of the Germans, promptly interjected, “I totally disagree,” and went on to cite several personal experiences as counterexamples. A second German colleague chimed in with his own stories in support of Firnhaber, and when I demurred, the two Germans pushed back, defending their perspective vigorously. During the lunch break, Ben Campbell, one of the American participants, who had been virtually silent all morning, came up to me. He was visibly frustrated. “I don’t get it,” he said. “The Germans signed up for this course. No one is forcing them to attend. And they pay a lot of money to learn from you. They know Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 205 3/11/14 9:26 AM 206 erin Meyer your expertise and experience. Why do they have to constantly disagree with you?” While we were speaking, Dirk approached us, having clearly overheard Ben’s remarks. A bit uncomfortable, Ben turned to Dirk. “Is it cultural?” he wondered. “I’ll think about it,” Dirk replied. Sure enough, after lunch, Dirk was ready to share some thoughts about his readiness to challenge me during the morning session: We have this word in German, Sachlichkeit, which is most closely translated in English as “objectivity.” With Sachlichkeit, we can separate someone’s opinions or idea from the person expressing that idea. A German debate is a demonstration of Sachlichkeit. When I say “I totally disagree,” I am debating Erin’s position, not disapproving of her. Since we were children, we Germans have learned to exercise Sachlichkeit. We believe a good debate brings more ideas and information than we could ever discover without disagreement. For us, an excellent way Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. to determine the robustness of a proposal is to challenge it. Ben laughed: Yes! Sometimes I can imagine a German colleague walking into an empty room, closing the door, and starting a rational debate with himself. And it’s not just about business issues. I’ve seen Germans arguing about American politics, immigration, all the topics that we Americans have been trained not to touch with a ten-foot pole. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 206 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 207 Dirk responded: Of course we do not debate issues that are irrelevant or boring! If we are challenging you, it is because we are interested. You Americans take things so personally. If your German colleagues challenge a decision made by the leader of your country, a person you support and admire, there’s no need to get emotional or patriotic. Just calmly provide your perspective, in a rational manner, and you will likely find your workmate is simply interested. This exchange vividly illustrates why the Germans (along with the Dutch and the Danish) belong on the confrontational side of the Disagreeing scale—despite the fact that German culture is less emotionally expressive than many others. If you think of your Germanic European business associates as stolid, silent types, you may be surprised when a matter of controversy arises. You are likely to find them eager to jump into the fray, since they regard disagreement not as a matter of personal emotion, but rather as a valuable intellectual exercise from which truth emerges. Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. By contrast, the cultures in Quadrant C, such as most Latin American cultures and some Middle Eastern cultures, are made up of people who speak with passion, yet are also sensitive and easily bruised. For people from these cultures, it is not easy to separate the opinion from the person. If you attack my idea, I feel you are attacking me also—which means I am likely to want to shy away from open disagreement lest it damage our relationship. To make this more complicated, those from Latin American and (especially) Arabic cultures may appear as if they are fighting Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 207 3/11/14 9:26 AM 208 erin Meyer when they speak loudly and move their bodies expressively. But speaking with passion is not the same thing as disagreeing. One spring, I led a seminar in Dubai for a multinational consulting firm. After completing my work, I decided to spend a couple of days enjoying the warm weather. An Emerati friend from work recommended a boutique hotel in another part of Dubai, and I made reservations for the weekend. Friday at 5:00 p.m., I eagerly accepted a crosstown ride with one of my seminar participants, an energetic woman in her thirties named Isar Selim. We soon found ourselves stuck in crazy bottleneck traffic. Not until two hours later did we emerge onto a quieter street—at which point Selim began shouting out the window in Arabic to a traditionally dressed older man, who was crossing the road with a stack of colorful cloth in his arms. He responded in kind, and as their voices became louder and more intense, Selim got out of the car, shouting and gesticulating. I wondered what they were arguing about. Was he angry because Selim was dressed in Western clothing? Had her car run over some of his cloth? At one point, I thought the man looked ready to hit Selim with the bolt of cloth he was carrying. Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. Finally Selim got back in the car, waved her hand, and drove away. “What were you fighting about?” I asked timidly. “Oh, we weren’t fighting,” she said matter-of-factly. “He was giving me directions to your hotel.” As this story illustrates, to place a culture on the Disagreeing scale, don’t ask how emotionally people express themselves. Instead, focus on whether an open disagreement is likely to have a negative impact on a relationship. In Quadrant C cultures, emotional expression is common, but open disagreements are Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 208 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 209 dangerous. In many Arabic cultures, people make extreme efforts not to offend others by expressing direct disagreement, as the ramifications for the long-term relationship could be serious. One final complication in applying the Disagreeing scale is the position of the Chinese and Korean cultures on the avoidconfrontation side of the scale. If you have negotiated with a Chinese team and been forcefully challenged by them, or seen how confrontational Koreans may be with strangers, you may feel puzzled by this positioning. The explanation lies in the fact that, in both Korea and China, behavior toward those with in-group status may be very different from behavior toward those with out-group status. Confucius provided very clear instructions about how to behave with people you have relationships with. But he provided almost no guidance on how to behave with strangers. In China in particular, where there is a large population and fierce competition, the relationship toward those with out-group status can be one of indifference and, in case of conflict, hostility. Thus, the very same Chinese person who shows polite and careful respect to his boss, colleagues, and clients may challenge every point made by a would-be supplier he Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. doesn’t know at all. The strategy for succeeding in these cultures thus goes back to points made in the chapter on trusting. Take all the time necessary to build up a close trusting relationship. The time required may be considerable, and a foreigner may never achieve the same level of in-group status as a cultural insider, but a little time invested in building a personal connection can go a very long way toward establishing trust and reducing the level of confrontation you experience. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 209 3/11/14 9:26 AM 210 erin Meyer geTTIng global TeaMs To dIsagree agreeably If you are leading a multicultural team, figuring out how to get all the group members to express their ideas openly and comfortably may be a challenge. Here are some strategies that can help. First, if you’re the boss, consider skipping the meeting. Depending on the cultures you are dealing with, both your seniority and age may impact others’ comfort in disagreeing with you openly. In many avoid-confrontation cultures, it may be possible to disagree openly with a peer, but disagreeing with a boss, superior, or elder is taboo. When Danish multinational pharmaceutical company Novo Nordisk purchased a new operation in Tokyo, Harald Madsen found himself collaborating with a group of Japanese marketing managers, all younger than him and junior to him in rank. Madsen scheduled a first trip to Tokyo in search of feedback from the local managers about which of his initiatives would work well locally and which they disagreed with. He hoped to get a good debate going with them, just as he would in Denmark. But Madsen’s dreams of a lively sparring match and a creative exchange of ideas quickly Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. evaporated: I began the first meeting by telling my Japanese colleagues that I wanted them to feel comfortable challenging my ideas so that we could be sure we had the best solution for their market. I then presented a few ideas and asked for input. Silence. I pushed the few with the best English-speaking skills, but it was impossible. I tried to get the ball rolling. Silence. I pushed them for input. A few nods of agreement and platitudes. I could not figure out how to achieve a productive discussion if the group would not debate and share differing viewpoints. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 210 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 211 All the tools and techniques I had developed in Denmark were getting me nowhere. Later in the same trip, over dinner one evening, Madsen asked Kazuyiki Yoshisaki—a Japanese vice president at his own level— for advice. “Here in Japan,” Yoshisaki explained, “even asking another’s point of view can feel confrontational in our culture. When you go around the table asking each guy on the team ‘What do you think about this? What do you think about that?’ that can really take them off guard. No one wants to be put on the spot in front of a bunch of people.” Advance preparation would help Japanese managers feel more comfortable sharing their opinions openly. Yoshisaki suggested that Madsen let his team know a few days before the meeting what input he needed from them, so that they could check with one another and prepare their comments. “But the real problem,” Yoshisaki commented, “is your white hair. In Japanese culture, you almost never see middle management disagreeing openly with higher management or younger people disagreeing with older people. It would be viewed as disre- Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. spectful. When you tell them your opinion and then ask what they think, they are eager to offer their support. Perhaps you think they will say, ‘Dear elder vice president, I entirely disagree with you,’ but they will not.” Yoshisaki suggested that Madsen avoid giving his opinion first. He also suggested that Madsen ask the team to meet without him and report back their ideas. “As long as the boss is present,” Yoshisaki said, “the group will seek to find out what his opinion is and defer respectfully to him.” This is a technique that’s worth trying whenever you find yourself managing a team whose cultural background makes it difficult for them to speak freely in your presence. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 211 3/11/14 9:26 AM 212 erin Meyer A second strategy for eliciting opinions in an avoids-confrontation culture is to depersonalize disagreement by separating ideas from the people proposing them. Consider for a moment the brainstorming system that is so popular in Anglo-Saxon cultures. Four or five people gather to record on a flip chart every crazy, brilliant, or downright stupid idea they can muster up. Once the paper is filled, it’s difficult to remember who came up with which idea, making it easy to challenge or change an idea without attacking the person who came up with it. Harald Madsen took this concept a step further on his next trip to Japan: After a presentation, instead of asking for input and expecting people to raise their hands—which I now knew from experience would not happen—I asked everybody to write as many opinions and reactions as they could on Post-it notes. During a break they put their Post-its anonymously on the main board and then, as a group, we arranged them into sets. Next, still working all together, we made lists of the positive and negative elements of Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. each set of ideas, and finally prioritized them by voting on the most important. Each member had only three votes, so each of us really needed to make a clear choice. Madsen found this approach to be very effective at producing the positive results of debate and disagreement without risking relationships. A third strategy is to conduct meetings before the meeting. I discovered the need for this approach after attending a number of cross-cultural meetings that struck me as boring and pointless— but which participants from other cultures found interesting and Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 212 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 213 valuable. Curious, I began surveying my seminar participants about what they expected from meetings. I asked: In order for you to feel a meeting was a great success, which of the following should happen? A. In a good meeting, a decision is made. B. In a good meeting, various viewpoints are discussed and debated. C. In a good meeting, a formal stamp is put on a decision that has been made before the meeting. The large majority of Americans responding to this question chose option A. The French, however, largely chose option B. And most Chinese and Japanese selected option C. In many Asian cultures, the default purpose of a meeting is to approve a decision that has already been made in informal discussions. Therefore, the most appropriate time to express your disagreement is before the meeting to an individual rather than during the meeting in front of the group. It’s relatively easy to make this cultural preference work for Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. you. Before your next team meeting, try calling your Japanese colleague for a casual offline discussion. You are much more likely to hear a frank opinion, especially if you have already built a good relationship. If you have a large percentage of East Asians on your global team, you may consider adopting the informal premeeting approach and encourage everyone to make one-on-one prep calls to hear opinions and reach an agreement. Then you can use your meetings to put a formal stamp on any consensus decision reached. Explain the process clearly (that is, use the “framing” tactic described in previous chapters) so that everyone understands Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 213 3/11/14 9:26 AM 214 erin Meyer the process explicitly. No matter what objective you choose for your own global team meetings (option A, B, or C), you can help everyone by being explicit about which method you are using. A fourth strategy for encouraging debate among those who would otherwise shun confrontation is to adjust your language, avoiding upgraders and employing downgraders (see pages 65– 67 in Chapter 2) when expressing disagreement. As you recall, an upgrader is a word that makes an opinion sound stronger, such as “absolutely,” “totally,” or “completely.” Such words are popular in confrontational cultures. By contrast, in confrontationavoiding cultures, people are more likely to use downgraders such as “sort of,” “kind of,” “slightly,” or “partially.” An extreme example comes from a former Thai colleague, who would express her disagreement with me by using a quadruple downgrader: “Maybe we could think about this slightly differently . . . perhaps . . . what do you think?” When expressing disagreement yourself, it is not difficult to change your words slightly based on the cultural context you are working in. Sean Green, an American living and managing a team Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. in Mexico City, describes his experience: After starting my assignment in Mexico, I attended several meetings during which I would disagree with a stance that one of my peers or staff members had taken. And I would voice that disagreement by saying “I don’t agree with you.” But in Mexican culture this level of disagreement is not acceptable, and my open expression of disagreement would effectively end the debate with no further attempt to change my point of view. I soon learned that, if I wanted to encourage team debate, it was important to use phrases like “I do not quite understand your point” and “Please explain more about why you think Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 214 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 215 that.” These expressions encouraged give-and-take rather than shutting down the conversation completely. On the other hand, if you are working with a culture that is more confrontational than your own, be very careful about choosing stronger words than are natural to you to express your disagreement unless you have a solid and nuanced grasp on exactly where the line is drawn between acceptable debate and inappropriate attack. I do not recommend that you begin an overseas meeting by telling your French client, “You are totally wrong,” or announcing to your German supplier, “I am in absolute disagreement with your proposal.” In these cultures, disagreement is expressed more directly than in some others, but that doesn’t mean anything goes. It’s easy to overshoot on the Disagreeing scale. This happened to Wei Lin, a Stanford-educated accounting professor from China who became a colleague of mine at INSEAD. Lin was startled when students made classroom comments like “I don’t agree with that point,” which struck him as insolent and inappropriate. Add to this the fact that Lin was rather small and youthful, so that many of his Dutch, German, Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. and Scandinavian MBA students towered over him, and Lin began to feel that the in-class disagreements amounted to a public attack on his authority. Lin sought advice from several of his fellow professors. “They seemed to feel it was both appropriate and beneficial to have a debate with the students in the classroom,” Lin recalls. “So I decided I would be just as confrontational with them as they were with me.” Unfortunately, Wei Lin didn’t quite understand the subtle difference between healthy debate and full-on aggression in a European context. “I was really shocked when I got the participant evaluations at the end of the semester. The students described me Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 215 3/11/14 9:26 AM 216 erin Meyer as hostile and angry,” he says. “But I was just trying to adapt to their style.” Ultimately, Lin managed to find a happy medium: I found that I could have good results by allowing the students to question and disagree forcefully, while constantly reminding myself that this was a sign of engagement, not criticism. I tried to give them a comfortable space to express all their disagreements, without confronting them back. This way I remained Chinese in my own behavior—polite and striving for group harmony— but not Chinese at all in my reaction to their behavior. This seemed to work well. I developed a great relationship with my students—much closer than I used to have with my students in China, where the professor is always put up on a pedestal. Now, when I go back to China and the participants all defer to my opinions silently, I wish they would disagree with me, at least once in a while. Particularly when working with a culture that is more confrontational than your own, adapting your style to be like them Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. carries a big risk. Take a page from Lin’s strategy book. Remind yourself that what feels aggressive in your culture may not feel so in another culture. Don’t take offense if you can help yourself. But don’t try to mimic a confrontational style that doesn’t come naturally to you. Engage in relaxed debate or discussion without confronting back. “leT Me play devIl’s advocaTe” Imagine for a moment that the Durands, whom you met during the dinner party at the beginning of this chapter, were to move to Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 216 3/11/14 9:26 AM The CulTure Map 217 your hometown. What might happen if they held a dinner party and invited you, your family, and several neighborhood friends? To be good hosts, would they need to tone down the way they disagree? If the Durands were to move to Minnesota and settle in near my parent’s home a few blocks east of Lake Calhoun, using a softer style of disagreement would certainly be one good strategy. But not the only one. Instead, Hélène Durand could encourage a lively debate about golf tournaments or anything else she found interesting by putting a frame around her words—explaining her style of disagreeing before putting it into practice. My husband Eric was raised in the same community as Hélène and has lived for many years in both the United Kingdom and the United States—including my hometown. Although he has learned to work in both the French and Anglo-Saxon environments, he feels that for any French person working with Americans or British, the Disagreeing scale is one of the most important—and challenging. By comparison with the French, the Americans value harmony and equilibrium. Under the umbrella of their written constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Declaration of Independence, Americans Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. have developed a highly complex, multi-ethnic citizenry characterized by peaceful, tolerant coexistence (much of the time). As a result, Americans tend to perceive dissent as a threat to their unity. “United we stand, divided we fall,” is the basis for many social interactions in the United States. After inadvertently creating some awkward scenes in American meetings with his straightforward, French-style disagreements, Eric devised a solution: I learned a very simple trick, perhaps obvious to someone who is British or American but not a bit obvious to me. Before expressing Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 217 3/11/14 9:26 AM 218 erin Meyer disagreement, I now always explain, “Let me play devil’s advocate, so we can explore both sides.” Most groups seem happy to do this, as long as I am clear about what I am doing and why I am doing it. Sometimes just a few words of explanation framing your behavior can make all the difference in how your actions are perceived. Whether you are from France and living in Minnesota, or from Russia and living in Bangkok, recognizing how your approach is viewed by those around you, and taking a moment to describe what you are doing and why—perhaps with a touch of humor and humility—can greatly enhance your effectiveness. There’s a wise Bahamian proverb: “To engage in conflict, one does not need to bring a knife that cuts, but a needle that sews.” As we’ve seen in this chapter, what sews nicely in one culture may cut in another. But with a little effort and creativity, you can find many ways to encourage and learn from alternative points of view while Copyright © 2014. PublicAffairs. All rights reserved. safeguarding valuable relationships. Meyer, E. (2014). The culture map : Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business. PublicAffairs. Created from eastcarolina on 2023-08-10 03:28:55. 9781610392501-text.indd 218 3/11/14 9:26 AM