Communication Skills Textbook - Chapter 1

What is Communication? MAIN IDEA​ ​Communication involves your words, postures, gestures, and facial expressions. You communicate with different people every day. Communication involves three parts. These are the person who sends the message, the person who receives the message, and the message. Yo...

What is Communication? MAIN IDEA​ ​Communication involves your words, postures, gestures, and facial expressions. You communicate with different people every day. Communication involves three parts. These are the person who sends the message, the person who receives the message, and the message. You communicate on the phone, in writing, and with your actions. You use the phone to communicate with people you may not see every day. You communicate in writing and online with your teachers. E-mails and text messages let you share quick information, such as dates or directions. When you communicate by phone, in writing, and online, you use only your words. When you communicate in person, you also use your facial expressions and body language. Verbal ​and​ Nonverbal Communication When two people talk together, they use words to communicate. This is verbal communication. When two people talk face-to-face, others can see their expressions and gestures. This is body language. It is a form of nonverbal communication. Posture is how a person sits or stands and the message the body sends. An open, friendly posture shows that the message is being received. Gestures are motions made with hands or head to express a meaning. Nodding is a gesture that shows agreement or understanding. Facial expressions can also communicate feelings to others. An open, friendly facial expression communicates interest in what the speaker is saying. Tone of voice also provides information to others. The tone of voice, or intonation, provides clues as to how the speaker wants the listener to feel about the information. Intonation can communicate thoughtfulness, happiness, and even anger. Verbal communication is one way to find meaning in what someone else says. Body language is another It is nonverbal communication, or messages sent with expressions and gestures. When you talk to another person, do you look right at the other person? Do you show you care about the conversation? Your facial expressions show that you are truly interested in talking with the other person. Take the time to watch people as they talk. What does their body tell you about them as they talk? READING CHECK Define​ What is body language? Mixed Messages If your words and your body language do not match, you may be sending a mixed message​.​ If you feel shy or nervous, you might talk quietly and fidget with your hands. You might not look directly at the person to whom you are speaking. An angry person might talk with his or her arms folded. If you are feeling embarrassed, you might look down instead of at the person you are talking to. If your body language does not match your voice, you may send a mixed message. For example, saying "I'm fine" in an angry tone might make others think something is wrong. A good communicator will look directly at someone and speak in a caring voice. Sometimes it can be hard to understand a person who says one thing but who displays body language that sends a different message. Power in Relationships Everyone has several types of relationships. Some are with parents or guardians, siblings, other family members, your peers, and people in the community. Power plays a role in each of these relationships. Power refers to who has the greatest amount of influence in the relationship. Your Family​ When you were a young child, your parents or guardians told you what to do. Other family members who were older than you also had power over you. You may remember being told to mind your grandparents, or other older adult family members. If your parents left you in the care of a neighbor, that person had power over you. During your teen years you will begin making more decisions for yourself. As you assume more power over your life, your relationship with your parents will change. Your Friends​ Among your friends, there may be one person who takes the leadership role. This person might make most of the decision about which activities you engage in. The person who makes the most decisions has the power. With your friends, you may develop new interests and want to try different activities. You may begin to try to influence your friends to try new activities too. This will change the power in your relationships with friends. Your Dating Partners​ Dating couples also experience power in relationships. One person may make more decisions than the other. That person may make many, if not all, of the decisions about where you eat, what movies you see, and other decisions. When teens go on group dates, the group decides what they will do. When two teens go on a one-on-one date, one person may have more power than the other. Abuse in Relationship Power In general, the power in relationships is determined by factors such as age, status, and position. In general, older people who have more experience have power over younger people. A wealthy or prominent person in the community may use his or her status to gain power over others. A person’s position might give him or her power. Teachers, parents, police officers, and other authority figures have status that gives them power. Power in relationships can be abused. If one person uses their age, status, or position to gain power and hurt or demean another person, the relationship is abusive. Abuse in family relationships can take the form of neglect, violence, child abuse, or elder abuse. Among peers, an abuser may become a bully. In a dating relationship, an abuser may become force the other person to engage in activities that go against their values. Communications and Gender Stereotypes A person’s gender can affect the way they communicate with people of the opposite gender. In the U.S. gender stereotypes exist. A gender stereotype assumes that a person must act in a certain way just because the person is male or female. According to one gender stereotype, females are expected to be passive while males are expected to be assertive. An example of this stereotype might occur when male and female students are working together on a class project. The males in the group would be expected to be the leaders of the group. It might be expected that the boys communicate what needs to be done and assign roles to the group. The behavior of the males might be considered assertive. A female who behaves the same way as the boys might be considered aggressive. Both the male and female are fulfilling the same role in the same way, but the female is viewed negatively. Gender stereotypes can have a harmful effect. These stereotypes do not acknowledge that each person is an individual with their own thoughts and feelings. Think again about the example of the group project. A female in the group might want to develop skills as a leader. She may choose not to volunteer if she feels that the role is for males only. A male in the group may feel that he is required to take a leadership role, even if he does not want that role. Your gender does not define how you behave and what goals you set for yourself. READING CHECK Explain​ Why is it wrong to use gender stereotypes? Good Communication Skills MAIN IDEA​ ​Good communication includes listening and showing that you understand what the other person is saying. Interpersonal communication requires sending and receiving information that is understood by everyone involved. You send messages and receive messages by speaking, listening, and writing. It takes skills to be a good communicator. You need to be a good speaker, listener, and writer to send and receive messages. Speaking and listening in person is the most direct way to communicate. In person, the other person hears your words, and also sees your face and body. Your facial expressions and body language can tell a lot. If you look directly at the other person, you show attention and respect. If you look around or past the other person as you speak, you may look like you don’t care about the conversation. If you are smiling, you look like you care. If you look bored, you look like you don’t care. If you hold your arms folded and stiff, you may appear firm and disrespectful. READING CHECK Describe​ Name three examples of body language. Speaking Skills If you want to get your message across, you will need to develop good speaking skills. You can learn several important traits that will help you become a better speaker. Think before speaking.​ When you speak without thinking, you risk being misunderstood. Think about what you will say. You do not want to start talking without thinking about your words first. Make clear, simple statements.​ Be specific. Focus on the subject and your message. Use examples if necessary. Use “I” messages. ​"I" messages speak from your point of view to send a message. For example, rather than saying, “You’re not making sense,” instead try saying “I’m not sure what you mean.” Be honest.​ Tell the truth to describe your thoughts and feelings. Be polite and kind. Use appropriate body language.​ Make eye contact. Think about your expressions and gestures. Show that you are paying attention. Listening Skills Listening skills are as important as speaking skills. Be an active listener. Active listening means hearing, thinking about, and responding to another person’s message. You can develop skills to become a good listener. Pay attention.​ Listen to what the speaker is saying. Think about that person's message. Use body language.​ Face the speaker. Look at the speaker. Focus on the words you hear. Use your body to show that you are listening. Wait your turn.​ Before you respond to what someone is saying, let the other person finish speaking. Then you will have your chance to ask any questions or respond. Ask questions.​ If it is appropriate, ask questions to make sure you understand the other person. Use "I" messages when you ask questions. Mirror thoughts and feelings.​ After the other person finishes speaking, repeat back in your own words what you believe that person said. This will show that you are listening. It will also help you better understand the message. Verbal communication requires strong speaking and listening skills. Refer to the figure in the Lesson Resources panel to review these skills. Writing Skills We also communicate through writing. You may write e-mails, text messages, notes, or letters to family members and friends. When you write, remember that the other person cannot see you or hear your tone of voice, which may lead to misunderstandings. For example, a person reading a message that is written in a direct style may interpret the tone of the message as angry when the writer did not intend to communicate in an angry tone. You can also practice guidelines for good communication in writing.  Write clear, simple statements.​ Be sure to state your thoughts and feelings clearly. Reread your words before sending your message.​ Remember, the other person cannot see your body language or hear your tone of voice. Do your best to make sure your thoughts will be understood. Your Communication Style MAIN IDEA​ ​Communications styles include assertive, aggressive, and passive. Once you know ​how​ to communicate clearly, you can choose your communication ​style​. A communicator can be assertive​,​ aggressive​,​ or passive​.​ Each of these communication styles has its own traits which make communication more, or less, effective. An ​assertive​ communicator is friendly but firm. An assertive communicator states his or her position in a firm but positive way. For example, you tell a friend, “I need to be home on time because I promised my parents.” An assertive communicator shows respect for himself or herself and others. An ​aggressive​ communicator is overly forceful, pushy, hostile, or otherwise attacking in his or her approach. An aggressive communicator may think too much about himself or herself and not show respect to others. For example, you tell a friend, “You’d better get me home on time.” An aggressive communicator can hurt other’s feelings or make them angry. A ​passive​ communicator has a tendency to give up, give in, or back down without standing up for his or her rights and needs. A passive communicator who has a firm curfew might tell a friend, “It doesn't matter when I get home.” A passive communicator may care too much about what others think of him or her. Sometimes a passive communicator may not feel confident or have self-respect. You can change from a passive to an assertive communicator by reminding yourself that your thoughts and opinions have value.