Biblical Stories for Psychotherapy and Counseling PDF

38 BIBllCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSE.1JNG DEALING WITH SPECIAL GIFTS: SAMSON AND DELILAH Biblical Narrative Jose Carreras, the great operatic tenor, loves playing the role of Samson in Saint-Saen's opera, Samson and Delilah, despite his wiry build. This, he says, is because he believes...

38 BIBllCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSE.1JNG DEALING WITH SPECIAL GIFTS: SAMSON AND DELILAH Biblical Narrative Jose Carreras, the great operatic tenor, loves playing the role of Samson in Saint-Saen's opera, Samson and Delilah, despite his wiry build. This, he says, is because he believes that Samson was not a hulking athlete. Rather, his strength had a spiritual base in the special mission that God had given him. Several biblical stories tell of people who overcame personal handicaps. The career of Samson, in contrast, depicts a man who possessed a gift and had to face the unique problems and challenges that came with it. The Philistines had subjugated the Israelites by virtue of superior arms. God sent to save the Israelites a man who did not use weapons but was himself the weapon. However, Samson's great physical strength also brought the danger that his physical desires could master him and eventually lead to his destruction. "Once Samson failed in the battle for his own soul, he could no longer fight the battles of the Lord" (Leibowitz, 1981, p. 80). It was to prevent this that the angel ordered Samson's parents to consecrate him as a Nazarite even from the womb. Samson was to drink no wine, avoid ritual uncleanliness, and never cut his hair. It is important to stress that Samson's long hair was not a pagan symbol of macho virility and unbridled sensuality but a brake on his great physical prowess. Samson was to remain sober and pure and to keep a physical sign on his head of the purpose that God had set for him-to be God's sacred instrument for overthrowing the Philistines. Samson apparently kept his vows throughout his life, until the day Delilah cut his hair. However, he fell to another weakness. He followed his eyes; i.e., he was very susceptible to feminine charms. "And Samson went to Timnah and saw a woman ... and he said, 'I have seen a woman in Timnah .... She is pleasing in my eyes"' (Judges 14: 1f). At first Samson seemed to use his connections with women to strike at the Philistines. When he told his parents that he wanted to marry a Philistine girl he had seen in Timnah, they did not realize that he was merely "seeking a pretext against the Philistines" (Judges 14:4). Samson used his man-iage to the girl to kill thirty Philistines Self-Esteem: Strengths, Sources, Disabilities, and Healing 39 and to establish himself as a champion of the Israelite people. Whatever beneficial intent may have motivated him, however, Samson's interest in Philistine women continued. The Bible mentions a harlot in Gaza and the affair with Delilah, and the Midrash adds more names to the list Samson did use his strength for several momentous one-man destructions of Philistines, and he brought peace to his people for some years. However, in the end, his weakness undercut his strength. The Philistine leaders bribed Delilah to learn the secret of Samson's prowess. Using the feminine wiles to which Samson was so susceptible, she induced him to reveal that cutting his hair would make him like any other man. Delilah had his hair cut while he slept. He awoke greatly weakened; the Philistines seized him, put out his eyes, and sent him to hard labor in prison. "Samson followed his eyes; theFefore the Philistines gouged them out," notes the Talmud (Sota 9b). Samson's weakness in following his eyes led him to yield to Delilah and finally to lose both his eyes and his special strength as well. There was no magic in Samson's hair, no elixir of superhuman strength. Rather, God was displeased that Samson was so careless about the main sign of his special miss10n. However, Samson's mission had not failed. For over twenty years, he had protected the Israelites from the oppression of the Philistines. Even in his blindness, he struck one more smashing blow that would cow the Philistines for years, when he pulled on the pillars of the temple of Dagon in Gaza and destroyed thousands of enemies in a moment. Even here, while saving his people, Samson did not entirely elevate and purify his own motivation. He prays to God to strengthen him so that "I may be avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes" (Judges 16:28). In one sense, he was praying for satisfaction for his eyes, a personal victory and a fulfillment of the weaker part of his life. Although his destruction of the Philistine temple did bring peace to the Israelites, he prayed not only for their welfare but for his own personal revenge as well. Clinical Implications Unlike Greek tragedy, man is brought to destruction not through an arbitrary decree of the gods but through his own willfulness. Samson brought about his own downfall. He had a special gift and the free 40 BIBilCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEllNG will to make good use of it. He succeeded greatly for he accomplished the protection of his people, but he also "went after his eyes" and diminished the sanctity of his life and work. It is not enough for a person merely to be gifted. One must learn to use these gifts in a healthy way for himself or herself and others and must work against being stultified by them. Part of the therapeutic process is to help people accept their talents as God given and to constructively utilize them. This means to neither seek self-aggrandizement through them nor to ignore them, but to use them positively and modestly as part of a purpose and context larger than one's self. The therapist must help individuals to accept their strengths and to use them well. THE SOURCE OF HE.'A.LTH: ELISHA AND NAAMAN Biblical Narrative The meeting of Elisha, the Israelite prophet, and Naaman, the powerful Syrian general, portrayed a confrontation between two wholly different approaches on how to live. Naaman had lived in a pattern that made it seem both difficult and unnecessary for him to try to find anything better. He was the glorious and highly honored commander of the armies of the warlike King Ben Hadad of Aram (Syria). However, he was afflicted by tsora 'at, a very uncomfortable disease. The transformation of Naaman's life proceeded from empty power, pomp, and ceremony to a deeper simplicity that is the beginning of truth. This process sheds the false burdens and misconceptions that block the individual from fulfillment. The first hint of hope for Naaman and the first sense, as well, of an area of life not subject to his own sort of power came in a piece of advice from a little Israelite girl who had been captured in a Syrian raid into Israel. "Let my master entreat of the prophet in Samaria. He will recover him from his tsora'at" (2 Kings 5:2-3). The king heard this idea from Naaman. Pleased to help his general, Ben Hadad sent Naaman to King Jehoram of Israel, demanding that he cure Naaman of his disease. Naaman traveled in state to Samaria, the capital of Israel. with great stores of ~ilver, gold. and garments. The Syrian king had, however, missed the point, for he assumed that Self-Esteem: Strengths, Sources, Disabilities, and Healing 41 King Jehoram had prophets and soothsayers who would obey his desires just as those King Ben Hadad himself had employed in Syria. He merely sought a new sorcerer, with some more potent magical incantations. Jehoram also missed the point. Upon receiving Ben Hadad's demands, he fell into a mood of despair, feeling that Ben Hadad knew that Israel had no better magic than Syria and that this was all a pretext to start another war with Israel (5:7). While King Jehoram was pointlessly tearing his clothes in frustration and fear, help arrived from an unexpected quarter. The prophet Elisha sent a message to the king to send ;\Jaaman to him for he wished to teach Naaman that a prophet is in Israel (5:8). This was an obvious truth, although it seemed that no one but Elisha and the slave girl had yet grasped it. Kings did not cure anyone from illness, physical or psychological, by their politics and power any more in antiquity than they do today. Ben Hadad was foolish to think Jehoram could cure Naaman, and Jehoram in his reaction showed his lack of faith and understanding of his role as king of a country such as Israel with its rich spiritual and cultural heritage. Elisha now intervened as God or his representatives often did in a way that both taught and strengthened the ailing patient. Elisha understood the nature of Naaman's deeper problem. He knew what Naaman must learn in order to improve his life, and he taught the lesson in a supportive nonpunitive manner. Naaman came out both wiser and stronger. His misconceptions were removed gently, and hope of a more meaningful life awaited him. Naaman now proceeded with his large retinue of horses and riders and his great display of wealth and power, and he alighted before the door of Elisha's humble home. The contrast between the two worlds was immense: the general with all his pomp and glory and the prophet whose gift was of the mind and spirit. Elisha would not even step out of his home to talk to Naaman. In doing so, Elisha showed that he rejected the superficiality and emptiness of Naaman's world. He would not meet Naaman on Naaman 's terms but only on his own. Instead the prophet sent a message whose deeper meamng did not become clear until later. "Go and wash seven times in the Jordan, and your skin will be restored and healed" (5: 10). Elisha did not address the general by his accustomed titles. He merely issued a seemingly frivolous command. 42 BIBllCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSELING Naaman was miffed. He had expected the prophet to come out to him, pronounce some incantations to his God, and wave his hands over the diseased body. Elisha, however, had done none of these things. He was not playing the game by Naaman's rules, was not assuming his expected role, nor allowing Naaman his accustomed status. Certainly, too, the rivers of Syria are far better than the Jordan, thought Naaman, and he had already bathed in them often and not been healed. His servants then said to him that if the prophet had sent him to some great and difficult task, he would have carried it out. Surely. he should try something so simple as bathing in the Jordan (5: 12-14). How much more fruitful this is than the oppressive labors given to Heracles in Greek legend! This was exactly the point that Naaman needed to learn. The best way of living is not with pomp and arrogance. It is not any magical power of the river that heals and elevates man, but his learning the importance of realism and humility. Naaman was cured both of his illness and of his illusions. A changed man, he returned to the prophet, who now came out to greet him. Naaman explained to Elisha that he must return to the Syrian court and must conform to its practices. However, at heart he will remain faithful to his newfound ideals (5:15-19). Naaman departed a new man. Gehazi. Elisha's assistant, however, was tempted by the very pomp and display above which ~aaman had risen. He followed Naaman and told him that the prophet would like some of the gifts Naaman had unsuccessfully urged on him. Gehazi took them and hid them away for himself. His greed and materialism had now removed him from the spirit of Elisha's world and into the neurotic, defensive, and materialistic unreality of what had been Naaman's old world. Gehazi's greed was not hidden from the prophet, who informed him that he would be stricken with Naaman's old dbease. "And he went out from his presence with tsora 'at, as white as snow" (5:20-27). Clinical Implications Many psychological problems manifest themselves in physical ailments. A child from an overbearing family finds it difficult to breathe and develops an asthmatic condition. Another patient is referred to a therapist by a rheumatologist because of back problems resulting Self-Esteem: Strengths, Sources, Disabilities, and Healing 43 from poor posture. It becomes clear in the process of therapy that the patient finds it difficult to stand up for himself in a healthy way. He either walks bent over or thrusts his body forward aggressively. As the patient learns to be properly assertive rather than submissive or domineering, his body posture improves and his back pains subside. The biblical story of Elisha and Naaman offers the therapist a model for working with such patients. A psychological view of disease is contained in this story. An individual must learn the emptiness of external display. A simple approach can offer an access to wisdom obscured by overly complicated solutions, which themselves are products of a defensive posture toward life. THE FOUNDATION OF SELF-ESTEEM: SAUL Biblical Narrative Sometimes individuals can use an exceptional gift or talent in such a way as to ruin their happiness rather than to bring good to themselves and others. Saul, the first king of Israel, displayed admirable qualities of strength, majesty, quickness of action, and modesty. He was also very tall and handsome, of imposing physical appearance (1 Samuel 9:2). Unfortunately, he seemed to rely on his imposing physical appearance rather than on other abilities in dealing with people. He never developed a more mature sense of responsibility that was so necessary for a king of Israel. This weakness of character began to show itself from the very start of the story of Saul in 1 Samuel 9. First, Saul was not arrogant or grasping. He is introduced as on ~n expedition with a companion to find his father's donkeys that had strayed. After several days without success, they turned, at the worker's suggestion, to consult the prophet Samuel. When Saul approached the town to find Samuel, he paused to ask directions from a group of young girls. The choice was well made. Obviously taken with the tall, handsome stranger, the girls babbled on with a prolonged description of where the prophet was and what he was doing (9: 11- 13 ). Saul went on to meet Samuel and to learn that God had chosen him to be king over Israel. Samuel also described to Saul several events that would occur while he was on his way home including that Saul 44 BIBLJCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSELJNG himself would be visited with the spirit of prophecy. Scripture notes that "Saul turned his shoulder to go from Samuel and God gave him a new heart" ( 10:9). Once again, it seems that Saul felt easiest in expressing himself with his height. Samuel now invited the entire nation to a public assembly at which he would announce God's selection of the new king they had demanded. He used lots to demonstrate that God had chosen Saul. However, when the choice was proclaimed, Saul was nowhere to be seen. Shy of the crowds of people and lacking confidence in his ability to rule, Saul was hiding among the piles of vessels ( 10:22). The people found Saul and brought him to the platform, "And he stood among the people, and he was tallest among the people from his shoulder and up" (10:23). As Saul finally stood before the multitude of his new subjects, it was his height that gave him confidence before them and made him able to accept his position over them. A short time afterward, the new king reacted quickly and surely, raising an army and smashing an Ammonite invasion. Yet, when facing a major battle with the Philistines, he showed an unwarranted timidity by not waiting for Samuel to come and offer sacrifice before the battle; "Saul said, 'Because I saw that the people scattered away from with me, and you did not come by the appointed time ..."' (13: 11 ). It was again a fear of the people's disapproval, albeit not a fear of the Philistine army. Fear would prod Saul once more in a crucial moment and would cost him his throne. He disobeyed God's order by allowing his soldiers to keep the cattle and sheep they had taken in their war against the Amalekites. His excuse to Samuel was that he feared the people (15:24). Any sincere man might have fears about accepting a royal throne, but Saul could have expressed his doubts to God himself or at least to Samuel as God's prophet. Instead Saul simply fled. His modesty was real and becoming to him, but it was mixed too with fears that were not suitable and which led later to tragically wrong decisions and the loss of his kingship and his life. Clinical Implications Many individuals will be somewhat apprehensive when confronted with a new task. A problem emerges when they are so intimidated by the task that they become overly sensitive to rejection by others and Self Esteem: Strengths, Sources, Disabilities, and Healing 45 make decisions solely aimed at pleasing others rather than following an inner voice. They may go to the opposite extreme, imposing their will in a ruthless fashion, totally disrespecting the opinions of others. Saul shows this vacillation in his life. First, he disobeys God in sparing Agag, the king of Amalek, and his cattle because he is too worried about what other people think. Then, he is too severe, with the priests of Nob, killing them for their alleged disloyalty in shielding David. One who pities the wicked will eventually be cruel when one should be merciful (Babylonian Talmud Yoma 22b: Rosenberg, 1996). The therapist must help the patient strike the proper balance between fo,tening to one's inner voice and being sensitive to the opinions of others. An individual can do as much damage by being overly forgiving as by being totally unforgiving. The therapist must help patients modulate their responses in proportion to the precipitating action. THE COURAGE TO EMIG RA TE: ABRAHAM Biblical Narrative America is today a very mobile society. It is not unusual for a person to move from one city to another a number of times, first to new schools and later to new jobs. Each move requires readjustment and an altering of relationships and lifestyles. The biblical Abraham also went through several changes. At the hoary age of seventy-five, he was told by God to go from Haran to Canaan, where he would prosper and become father of a new religion and a great nation. This was not an easy move physically, and it meant separating from his extended family. However, the anticipation of the realization of God's promise mm,t have been uplifting to Abraham even at his advanced age. Abraham was not long in Canaan before the land was stricken with famine. With a large household to support, Abraham was forced to wander once again, this time to Egypt, where food was plentiful. Abraham could have felt deeply disappointed. All his dreams associated with the promised land of Canaan now must be put aside for a while. Egypt was a land of great culture and wealth. Abraham was a godly man who practiced kindness and hospitality, while ancient Egypt was noted for its xenophobia and animal worship. Abraham 46 BIBllCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSE.11'VG dealt with the challenges of his move to Egypt, including the temporary abduction of his wife Sarah. As with each of the many trials in his life, he endured and grew stronger because of his faith and his sense of God's purpose working through him. One can best deal with the disruption of a move by maintaining focus on values and ideals that are truly important. Clinical Implications The story has great practical value for today's mobile society. How shall one maintain a loyalty to his or her own values and central lifemission while going through a series of disruptions and temporary situations? Therapists can help patients focus on their main goals in life, while helping them maintain a practical sense of survival. Deep in the Jewish tradition is the notion that "without food there is no Torah, and without Torah there is no food" (Avot, 3:21 ). One must balance the immediate with the long range. A very good example of this problem emerges from the rules of American football. A team must advance ten yards in four downs to keep possession of the ball, though the overarching goal of a team is to score pomts (either through a touchdown or a field goal). The ability to pursue the larger goal may be undermined if the short-term necessities are not met. When a man moves to a new location, he must take his identity with him. The individual's core must remain solid and transportable, an essential requirement in today's mobile world. Chapter 2 Obligations and Loyalty to Self and Others INTRODUCTION "On three things does the world stand: on Torah, service and kindness" (Avot, 1, 2). One has obligations to ( 1) self, (2) God, and (3) other people. By means of all three, one reaches toward holiness and closeness to God. Study The basis for all these, in the view of the Mishnah, is the study of Torah. This obligation is continuous-without respite, both religious and intellectual. It sharpens the mind and teaches right from wrong at every level from the simplest behavioral to the most esoteric spiritual. It helps avoid errors and misconceptions in understanding and wrong decisions in moral and practical matters. Even when a person is alone and has no immediate duties to others, study must continue. Part of the aim of study is to gain knowledge and sharpen the mind, but study is also an elevating spiritual activity similar to prayer. It should intensify one's feelings of joy and of love for all that God has created. . The study of Torah also constitutes an important part of the relationship between parents and children. "And you shall teach your sons diligently" (Deuteronomy 11: 19) is a means of imparting knowledge, but it is also much more. It serves as a means of bonding between parents and children based on growing together and striving together toward mutual ideals. Beyond even that, the bonding helps to affirm and strengthen the children's identities by connecting them not only with the spiritual riches of Torah and with their parents but with the 47 48 B/BLJCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSELJNG many generations back to the biblical patriarchs. The parents also feel the strengthening of their own identities by taking their place in the linking of generations both past and into the future. Service Along with the obligation to study and understand God's commandments, man must follow them through. Divine service demands specific acts of ritual, which are designed to express and strengthen emotional commitment. In the biblical worldview, both ritual act and emotional commitment are necessary, and neither can be neglected without loss. Indeed an important part of service is the linking of man's spiritual and physical parts in a total relationship with God. Both body and soul are necessary, and both are blessings from God. Neither is a useless burden. Neither is inherently evil or sinful. ;\!Ian must recognize God's infinite goodness and benevolence toward people and his constant concern with every individual. God created man in his own image, i.e., with a creativity so great that man himself, like God, can bring new people into being. God blessed men by sharing with them this unique ability of his own. God wants man to do well, and he sets up for him a system, i.e., Torah, in which he can work and thrive. Kindness Man must learn and practice kindness to others. People were not permitted to live in glorious isolation or in alienation from one another. God himself gave Adam a companion, stating that "it is not good for a man to be alone" (Genesis 2: 18). People learn much from associating with others, and they have special obligations to close relatives, honoring and respecting parents and spouses and teaching their children. People are also deeply obligated to sustain the poor and downtrodden and to provide emotional support to those who need it. The problem of baJancing loyalty to oneself and to others is central to mental health and for social adjustment. Veering too much in either direction can create a distortion in one's ability to function successfully. Long ago the Jewish teacher Hillel taught the simple but profound rule: "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am for myself only, what am I? If not now, when?" (Avot, I: 14 ). Obligations and Loyalty to Selfand Others 49 Individuals totally immersed in looking out for themselves may appear self-absorbed and indifferent to others. However, total involvement in others at the expense of the self leaves individuals unable to develop their capacities. This chapter will focus on six psychological issues related to this balance, again illustrating each with a biblical story. The first, Jonah, deals with the problem of overcoming disengagement tendencies and assuming responsibility to others. The second, Lot's wife, deals with the complementary problems of overcoming enmeshment tendencies and assuming responsibility to oneself. The third story, Miriam, stresses the importance of expressing one's own voice in a larger group product. The story of Joshua and Moses involves tbe issue of completing another vision, but in one's own way. David and Jonathan's story highlights the great love that can emerge between friends. Finally, the story of Esther involves the issue of placing one\ resources in the service of a larger goal, saving one's people. ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OTHERS: JONAH Biblical Narrative To act responsibly includes doing what is right even in opposition to one's own views or perceived interests. In biblical terms, right is defined as fulfilling God's commands and wishes. Whether based on selfish greed or altruism, one's own views must give way before God's. For the prophet Jonah, learning the true nature of responsibility was a perilous adventure, but God stayed with him through a series of mistaken judgments until He was able to drive home to Jonah that God, not man, decides where man's responsibility lies. Jonah was commanded by God to travel to Nineveh, capital of the mighty Assyrian Empire, and to urge the people to repent of their wicked way of life. Fearful, however, that his own people of Israel might look bad by comparison if the Ninevites repented, Jonah disobeyed God and instead fled by ship in the other direction. Jonah's concern for his own people and his lack of interest in the lot of the Ninevites was well-intentioned but inappropriate. He should have obeyed God. Certainly, he could have discussed with God any matters of doubt or disagreement as had Abraham, Moses, and other 50 R!RlJCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEIJNG prophets before him. He should have even expressed his anger at God. Although Jonah had disobeyed him, God still wanted to help Jonah both to fulfill his mission to Nineveh and to fulfill himself. God watched over him closely. He sent a storm, and Jonah responded by telling the sailors to throw him into the sea, almost an act of suicide. However, God still did not abandon Jonah, and He sent a large fish to swallow him and save him from drowning. From the fish's belly, Jonah prayed, and God had the fish spout him up onto dry land. God sent Jonah again to Nineveh, where he was successful in persuading the people to mend their ways. Jonah, however, was still disgruntled and almost suicidal, and he sat outside Nineveh unsure what to do next. God had still not given up on Jonah. He caused a plant to grow overnight to give Jonah shade from the blazing Asian sun. Jonah felt much better. God then caused the plant to wither, again leaving Jonah without shade and feeling miserable. God already knew that it was important for Jonah to recognize and deal with the anger that he felt against God. Disturbed about the loss of the gourd, Jonah finally turned the direction of his anger from himself to God, "I am greatly angry even unto death" (Jonah 4:9). God as therapist could begin to deal with Jonah directly. You have had pity on the gourd for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow; which came in a night and perished in a night. Shall I not have mercy on Nineveh that great city in which there are 120,000 people .... (4:10-11) God used the incident of the gourd to drive home to Jonah the immem,ity of God's care for mankind. Jonah had the right and indeed the obligation to understand both his own duties and God's intentions. Jonah was responsible to do what was right, i.e., what God required of him. He was so despondent at the failure of his own plans that on several occasions he expressed a wish to die. God wanted to salvage not only Nineveh but Jonah as well. Jonah had to learn that clarity of understanding and joy in life would come only by fulfilling the responsibilities that God placed on him and not by merely following his own plans. Obligations and foyalty to Self and Others 51 Clinical Implications The clinical message here is clear. Jonah is refusing to go to the people of Nineveh because he is disengaged from them. Perhaps he is afraid of being corrupted by them or that they will surpass him. In either case, Jonah's approach shows a lack of perspective and an inability to communicate with God. He is to be contrasted to Abraham who argued with God to save the city of Sodom. Individuals must learn that they can interact with people who are having problems in life without being overwhelmed by them. People in the helping professions need not be weighed down by their patients' problems. Therapists have a right, and indeed an obligation, to live their own lives. Often, an individual's inability to help another emerges from a lack of mature perspective. One does not have to lose if the other one wins. One's success is not always measured against another's failure. Understanding this involves communication. Individuals locked into this underdeveloped perspective must be encouraged to communicate if they are able. If they are not able to communicate at a particular time they must be protected until they are able to. God does not give up on Jonah but shields him from self-destructive tendencies. Finally the message of compassion is transmitted not just intellectually, but experientially. Jonah only understands God's attachment to Nineveh when he experiences his attachment to the gourd. ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR SELF: LOT'S WIFE Biblical Narrative A person faced with a new set of circumstances may well find it necessary to give up long-established patterns of behavior in order to survive and even to grow and improve. The name of Lot's wife is never mentioned in the Scripture, yet she figures in one of the Scripture's strangest and most remarkable episodes (Genesis 19). Two angels had come to Lot's home to warn him to take his family and escape that wicked city because God would destroy It with fire and brimstone that very night. Lot's wife was apparently reluctant to separate from Sodom and the family and friends that were not going with 52 BIBJJCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COVNSEJJNG her. Even if she was not as evil as her fellow townspeople, she was too involved, too deeply enmeshed with them. Perhaps she was enamored of the lifestyle of Sodom. Alternatively, it may have been difficult for her to separate from something familiar. Whatever her motivation, Lot's wife was ambivalent about leaving. Fiery destruction was already striking Sodom as Lot and his family fled the city. Lot's wife, however, was still unable to separate. for her heart was still in Sodom whether because she actively loved it or simply tolerated it. Impelled by misplaced loyalties, she turned for one more look at her beloved city. and she was caught in its destruction and turned into a pillar of salt. Lot's wife's self-definition seemed totally determined by her experiences with the people of Sodom. Therefore she was unable to see herself in any way other than as a Sodomite. Lot, however, with his experience of the family of Abraham and a self-definition independent of Sodom was able to break away. Clinical Implications Lot's wife preferred to continue familiar, if unsatisfactory, patterns of acting rather than change for the better, and she was trapped in the unfortunate results of that way of life. People may find themselvec; in situations where they are being abused or hurt, yet they seem unable to extricate themselves from this abuc;e as if they are receiving an unconscious sense of nurturance from it. Separating oneself from a familiar environment is not a simple task psychologically. It requires identifying with a transcendent force that provides a basis for selfesteem that is independent of the destructive environment. Consider a young boy from a highly abusive family. He is continually taunted by siblings and humiliated by parentc;. He unconsciously seeks the same punishment in adult relationships. He seems to feel that he deserves to be punished, and he cannot extricate himself from the destructive pattern. How can he? The very humiliation he receives so diminishes his sense of self that he thinks he deserves no better. Even if he sum mons the courage to leave, he will be confronted with severe criticism as he tries to leave. The job of the therapist is to provide a basis for self-definition that transcends his situation and enables him to withstand the criticism he will encounter when he leaves. Obligations and loyalty to Selfand Others 53 SINGING ONE'S OWN SONG: MIRIAM Biblical Narrative The entire Israelite nation had just lived through the tremendous experience of the crossing of the Red Sea. They could feel intensely both the power of God and his caring intimacy, and they had seen the Egyptians, their former oppressors, powerless and dead, hurled in the waves of the sea returning to its place. Moses then led the Israelites in singing a great song of praise to God, commemorating his great love and their deliverance. Indeed, they sang, and all the nations of the world trembled and stood in awe of this immense event (Exodus 15: 14-15). Moses was the man of the hour. His devotion and hard work through many trials had led his beloved people to this moment. It was certainly fitting that the spirit of prophecy should now rest on him and that he should lead the singing of the great song of praise, "Then did Moses and the Children oflsrael sing this song to God, and they said ..." (15: 1). In this great moment, however, something was lacking. Miriam, who was a prophetess, realized it. "And Miriam, the prophetess, the sister of Aaron, took the timbrel in her hand and brought the women out after her with timbrels and dancing, and Miriam responded, 'Sing to the Lord for He is exalted'" ( 15:20). Miriam saw that the women too must participate in the great song of praise, for they needed to understand and never forget their own integral role in making all this come to be. Also, Moses' song of praise was lofty and grand, but it lacked music. The Hebrew Bible on several occasions associates music with the spirit of prophecy. Miriam, as a prophetess, knew that the women with their singing and playing would add whole new dimensions to the greatness of the moment. For Miriam herself, this song marked not only a day of miraculous national salvation but a culmination of a lifelong personal quest, for it was she who, as a little girl, had stood near the river to watch over the small reed basket in which lay her infant brother Moses, hiding from the Egyptian persecutors. The sense of faith and confidence that she expressed even in her actions as a child had now reached a point of high fulfillment. Although Moses was perhaps more visible on this momentous day, the song of Miriam and the women needed no less to be sung. 54 B/BUCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEUNG Clinical Implications The story goes to the heart of the relationship of men and women in society. Miriam's song brought a new dimension to Moses' song of praise. Each person has the uniqueness of his own expression. much like the musical instruments of an orchestra. Even to as great a leader as Moses, Miriam's song makes a distinctive contribution. In the midrashic interpretation. rather than silence themselves. Miriam and the women brought musical instruments from Egypt in anticipation of this moment. Individuals involved in a major event may think they have little to contribute. A therapist must help these people learn to express their own voices even when they feel overwhelmed. This story with its indications of gender differences may be especially helpful in marriage therapy where many problems arise between a man and a woman who are trying to do the same things. Each can learn to bring his or her distinctive voice and skills to the same event. Moses may bring the great vision, while Miriam brings the more lyrical sound. In a successful marriage, each partner must see the importance of the other's contribution to the final product rather than see the other as a threat to oneself. COMPLETING ANOTHER'S VISION: JOSHUA AND MOSES Biblical Narrative The Israelites would never have another leader as great as Moses (Deuteronomy 34: 10). Replacing him could have been a difficult process. which could have brought dissension and demoralization to the Israelite people. Instead. the succession of Joshua was carefully orchestrated so that Moses and Joshua could both perform well, and the people would feel minimal disruption. Possible friction between the two leaders was avoided and each was able to do what he could do best. Without careful planning this likely would not have happened. Several problems had to be handled. First. it was necessary both to satisfy the people and to keep them in line. Second. :vtoses must relinquish the leadership. Third. Joshua must be prepared to succeed him. Obligations and foyalty to Self and Others 55 Although Moses would always be revered as the greatest of Israelite leaders, a new day was coming. Joshua would need to respond to the demands of his own time and not fixate the people in a stifling worship of Moses. Moses would find peace only when he knew he could safely relinquish the ongoing burden of his work and pass it to the next generation. Moses' concept of leadership could not work for Joshua. God informed Moses that he would not lead the people into the promised land of Canaan. There would be a new leader. Moses had felt a fatherly protectiveness toward the Israelites. These were, after all, the people whom he had led out of slavery and through many perils in the desert. Moses, was now, however, rejected as leader because of his error in striking the rock to bring water out of it in the wilderness of Zin instead of speaking to it as God had commanded. Moses' primary concern at this point was not for his own glory but for his people's wellbeing. He asked God to appoint a leader who would understand the problems of individuals and who would work closely with them, not a distant and imperious figure. Drawing an image perhaps from his own experience as a shepherd, Moses prays that the people will not be "as sheep which have no shepherd" (~umbers 27:15-17). Moses conceived of a leader as a gentle man who leads with moral persuasion and empathy, as Moses himself did, not with strictness and a heavy hand. God then told Moses that the new leader will be his own disciple, Joshua. Moses is to appoint Joshua in front of all the people, and the divine command would be publicly confirmed in a miraculous manner by the breastplate of the high priest. This was all performed publicly so that no one could later claim that Joshua was not worthy to lift up his head while Moses was still alive. Moses seems to have been accustomed to treating Joshua paternally. Moses loved and respected him, and he seemed to feel a need occasionally to support or to correct him. Thus, Moses had prayed for Joshua and even changed his name for fear that Joshua might be caught up in the plotting of the twelve spies (Numbers 13:16). He later rebuked Joshua for urging him to silence two men from prophesying (Numbers 1:28). Now at God's command. Moses helped to set up Joshua as his successor. 56 BIBUCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEUNG Despite all this, Joshua must have been hesitant about assuming the leadership. Moses and God were continually reminding Joshua to "be strong and courageous" (Deuteronomy 31 :7; Joshua 1:6). Joshua may have been concerned too because of what had befallen his master Moses, who, after over forty years of wonderful service to his people, was not allowed to lead them into Canaan. God reassures Joshua that he will, indeed, lead the Israelites into their promised land (Joshua 1:6). What son of leader must Joshua be? Moses would like him to be as gentle to the Israelites as Moses himself was. Joshua must be one of them, and he should consult closely with the elders, leading as a first among equals and not by force. Joshua, however, will not be Moses, and times have changed. God wants Joshua to enter the promised land not as one of the people but as a tough leader, forcing them to obey even by threat of punishment if necessary (Numbers 27: 15-23; Numbers Rabbah 21 :2; Sifre Netzavim, 305). Human beings probably do not much differ as personalities from one generation to the next, but circumstances do change, and leaders must develop policies suitable to their own times. No leader can govern effectively under the shadow of another leader whether living or not. The Israelites knew that Joshua was a leading disciple of Moses. At first, they saw him only as a reflection of Moses, not as his own man. People would say that Moses was like the sun and Joshua the moon (Bava Batra 75a). In order to establish Joshua as leader in his own right, several steps had to be taken. First, God ordered Moses to appoint Joshua publicly, and then God gave Joshua private instruction in the tabernacle without Moses present. This would commend Joshua to the people and show that he could lead even when removed from Moses' tutelage. Then Joshua himself must be prepared. Moses appointed him before all the people and God repeatedly instructed the new leader to rule strongly: "Be strong and courageous" (Numbers 27:22; Deuteronomy 3:28 and 31 :7f; Joshua I :6, 7, 18). Joshua heard the same at least once from Moses and again from the leaders of the tribes of Gad and Reuben. A new leader should neither follow his predecessor in all things nor change merely for the sake of change. The task and success of every great leader is to help the nation fulfill itself. For the Hebrew peo- Obligations and Loraltr to Selfand Others 57 pie this always meant devotion to God and to one's fell ow man, not only to someone else's dreams. Clinical Implications Individuals may feel impelled to carry on someone else's work and that they are blocked in life until they do. This may involve carrying on a parent's legacy or a teacher's. The individual needs to understand where this feeling comes from. Is it a self-imposed illusion or does it reflect an accurate appraisal that one is equipped to succeed another in fulfilling God's vision? Further, is one the best person to do this? Even if this is the case, however, the individual should continue God's work in his own way. Joshua can successfully succeed Moses only by being Joshua, not by being Moses, which he cannot be, and not by ancestor worship. The therapist must help patients find the balance between what they must do and what they need not do to fulfill their obligations to their parents. Jacob's experience with God was not exactly the same as Isaac's or Abraham's. Each generation must define its unique path to God within its own idiom. FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE: DA V/D AND JONATHAN Biblical Narrative Poets and songwriters in every language have long exalted the glories of what they call love. However, what they typically describe is, in fact, infatuation-the excitements and disappointments of a relationship that is essentially immature, selfish, and unhealthy. Their lyrical praises beautify but do not resolve the threat of how destructive an unbridled infatuation can be. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is a masterful study of two young people whose immaturity leads to a tragic double suicide. It is remarkable that the world thinks of Romeo and Juliet as the epitome of star-crossed lovers and forgets their terrible end. The biblical Book of Samuel tells of a very different sort of friendship in its account of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of 58 BIBLICAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEIJNG Saul, Israel's first king. He was beloved by the people and a man of courage both in war and in his humanity. In the early days of Saul's reign, parts of the land of Israel were under the control of the warlike and aggressive Philistines. Jonathan sparked the Israelites' revolt by killing the Philistine governor. It was again Jonathan who sparked a great victory by wiping out a Philistine outpost at ~ichmash with the aid of only one other soldier. Saul's army was, however, soon challenged by a new Philistine invasion led by the giant warrior Goliath. For forty days Goliath challenged the Israelites to send out a champion to meet him in single combat. The Israelites, including King Saul and Jonathan, were unable to react to the giant's bombast, and the humiliation went on day after day. Finally, David the shepherd came from guarding his sheep to kill the giant with his slingshot. When David returned to the camp after his victory, Jonathan greeted him in a most remarkable manner. The Scripture says that Jonathan's soul became bound (bonded) with David's, and he loved him. The two entered a pact of friendship, which Jonathan sealed by giving David fine gifts, including his jacket, bow, and sword. What sort of love was this that arose so suddenly between the two men? It was a love that had no ulterior motive or profit. It did not depend on physical attraction, nor on the faulty empathy of mutual weakness. It emanated rather from the deep draw of goodness for goodness. Jonathan was deeply moved by David's selfless courage and his devotion to God and his people, as well as his intelligent handling of his combat with Goliath and his skill with the sling. Jonathan appreciated and loved the goodness in David even though David would now supplant him as hero among the people of Israel. Only a man of Jonathan's own courage and high-minded character could tolerate the coming of a rival and indeed rejoice in it. David's goodness called forth the goodness in Jonathan, and goodness was the greatest moving force in Jonathan's own life, the force behind his courage and his empathy for others. Jonathan and David's devotion to each other went on even after Jonathan later realized that David, and not he, would become the next king of Israel. Their friendship deepened even during the times when Saul unjustly sought David's life. Jonathan would not disrespect his father, for he loved him too, hut he knew that Saul was wrong, and he maintained his contact with David and helped him whenever he could. Obligations and foyalty to Selfand Others 59 David's lament over the deaths of Saul and Jonathan in battle against the Philistines on Mount Gilboa again expressed and helps to explain his feeling for Jonathan, "Your love was more wondrous to me than the love of women" (2 Samuel 1:26). David understood the greatness of Jonathan's power to love. Love of children or of a husband is often thought of as a special quality of women but, says David, Jonathan's love and loyalty to both his friend and his father remained steadfast and exemplary even in the turmoils and conflicts of the end of Saul's reign and in the time of Saul's emotional decline. 'They (Saul and Jonathan) were never separated in life, nor in death were they apart" (2 Samuel 1:23). Clinical Implications This story can be of particular value in helping adolescents and young adults deal with issues of friendship and love. These need not be limited to a sexual relationship. Certainly, no sign indicates that David and Jonathan had any sort of homosexual connection. Sometimes a friend will do better on an exam or will get a date with someone that your patient likes or will be wealthier or better looking, a better tennis player-or be more popular. This need not destroy a friendship, and actually can enhance it. The job of the therapist is to help the patient accept that a friend may be better at something and to love him or her because of it. This does not mean negating one's self, but rather seeing that life is not a zero sum game. Friendship can instill this lesson well. SAVING ONE'S PEOPLE: ESTHER Biblical Narrative Rabbinic thought contains the concept that a very high quality of human character is the ability to act in a manner out of line with one's usual personality when a situation requires it. Can the leader become an effective follower, or vice versa? Can the flexible person show some stiffness and rigidity? One of the great stories of the Hebrew Scripture centers around Esther, a kind, gentle, and somewhat reticent woman who was brought against her will into a position of 60 BIBIJCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEUNG power and who found placed on her shoulders the task of saving her people from annihilation. According to the biblical Book of Esther, the Emperor Ahasueros of Persia, besotted with wine, had executed his queen, Vashti, for snubbing him. Sorry and lonely when he sobered up, the king began to search for a new queen by rounding up beautiful women from all over the empire. One of those taken was Esther, a Jewess of the tribe of Benjamin whose family, related to the line of King Saul, had been among those exiled to Mesopotamia when Judah had been conquered. Esther's parents had died when she was very young, and she had been raised devotedly by her cousin Mordecai, a distinguished scholar who was known at the royal court. Esther seems to have been a patient, loving young woman who reacted to events by flowing with them. Perhaps this was a suitable way of reacting to events that she could not control-the loss of her parents, the forced removal from Mordecai's home by the king's men, and the year spent in the harem waiting to be called before the king. She did not even ask for anything from Hagai, the harem keeper, as did the other women, who prepared themselves diligently for their night with the king. Esther "found favor in the eyes of all who met her" (Esther 2:15). She apparently had a genuine warmth and empathy for other people, which they found very attractive. Finally Esther was brought to the king although still much against her will, and Ahasueros, as impressed by her as was everyone else, fell in love with her and made her his new queen. Esther would have rather returned to her people and to her family, but this was no longer possible, and she again felt she had no choice but to accept her new situation. Mordecai stayed as close to the palace as possible. He knew the king's instability and, remembering the fate of Queen Vashti, he feared for Esther's safety. In the meantime the king was very pleased with Esther, and he celebrated her accession to the throne with great splendor. Then came trouble. Haman, the king's leading minister, wrote up a plan for the annihilation of all the Jews of the Persian Empire and obtained the king's consent. Esther, on Mordecai's advice, had never told the king that she was Jewish. Mordecai, with his connections in the palace, soon learned of the plot and sent word secretly to Esther, along with a copy of Haman's decree, to urge her to intercede with the king. Obligations and Loyalty to Selfand Others 61 A gentle empathic woman long accustomed to being accepting and reticent, Esther was now faced with a threatening situation that demanded action. Esther's message sent back to Mordecai shows her hesitan~e. All the king's servants and all the people of the kingdom know that any man or woman who enters the inner court of the king without being summoned will be put to death unless the king raises his golden scepter so that he shall live. And I have not been called to the king in thirty days.(4:11) Esther hesitated. She did not so much as mention the danger to her people, but dwelt instead on her own fear that she could not succeed in her mission. She preferred to delay and let matters take their course. ~ordecai realized that things must now be done to prepare Esther to approach the king. First, she must understand that the evil decree has already been enacted and that it would not go away by itself. She must take on an assertiveness that moved against the grain of her whole life's story. Second, she must understand the necessity and importance of what she now must do, and she must do it with confidence if she is to be successful. Esther thought that a delay would help. The king had not called her in a month, and he was certain to call before much more time passed. Perhaps the king was angry at her, in which case again it was better to wait a few days. Mordecai, however, was more politically attuned. The decree of annihilation had already been set in motion and there was not a moment to spare. Only Esther might be able to win the king over. Mordecai's message to Esther impressed upon her the need for immediate action. Do not think that you will be safe even in the king's palace if trouble comes for the Jewish people. If you are silent now, you will never be able to face yourself again. In any case, God will not let the Jewish people be destroyed. He will bring rescue from some other source, if not through you. (4: I 3-14) Mordecai began bluntly but ended by holding up before Esther the wonderful opportunity she had to be God's instrument of the saving 62 BIBUCAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEUNG of her people "for who knows if for such a time you have been raised to the throne" (4:13-14). Esther knew that Mordecai was right, and she accepted his plan, agreeing to go to Ahasueros and asking only that all the Jews fast and pray for her success. The last words of her message to Mordecai are very telling: "I and my ladies shall also fast and so I shall go in to the king, which is not according to the law, and if I perish, I perish" (4: 16). The last phrase seems unduly pessimistic even in a moment of such tension and peril. Rashi, citing an opinion in the Midrash, explains it as expressing Esther's deeper sense of abandonment. She had felt abandoned by her parents and nbw she felt that Mordecai too had been taken from her, although in reality he had constantly done his best for her welfare even after she had been taken to the palace. Perhaps it was this sense of abandonment that had made Esther somewhat reticent. Now, however, Esther must set aside her personal problems and show an assertiveness that was unfamiliar to her. She was aware of the importance of what she must do, and of her own role, and the rest of the Book of Esther recounts how she won the support of the krng and brought about the fall of Haman and the neutralization of the decree of destruction. The story is important both for telling how the planned annihilation of the Jewish people was averted and also for showing how Esther could overcome her own weaknesses to save herself and her people. Clinical Implications This story illustrates a person being called upon to do things that he or she has not typically done. It could be a woman who finds herself suddenly alone and faced with caring for young children. It could be a person who is suddenly thrust into a position of leadership. Esther, despite her shyness, grasps the importance of what she must do, and thus is able to act with an assertiveness that must have been very difficult for her. Likewise, individuals must find their life purpose in order to meet a significant life challenge. The therapist must decide whether patients are able to take on new challenges. If they can, then the therapist must guide them in this direction, but this must be done carefully because not every person can handle every task and a great deal of damage can result. It is destructive to block a person who is ready to move ahead, but it is equally destructive to push someone ahead who is not ready for it. Chapter 3 Making Difficult Decisions INTRODUCTION Holiness To strive toward completeness as a human being means, in biblical terms, to devote both body and spirit to the service of God so that every act and every hour of life can be made holy and meaningful. There is no sense, as in Greek philosophy, that the soul is imprisoned by the body and must seek separation. The body and soul are not by nature in conflict. Instead, obeying the commands of God means to sanctify every human act whether by body or soul. Holiness is not something of the heavens nor does it mean alienating or even separating oneself from day-to-day activities. Rather it means sanctifying even the most mundane activities by closeness to God. Indeed, every blade of grass and every drop of water are also holy parts of God's world. Holiness involves intimacy with God whether one is engaged in physical or spiritual activities. It is actually beyond one's limited ability to achieve such intimacy with God all by oneself, and true holiness is attained only with God's help. What people must do is persevere in pursuing wisdom and understanding with the aim of sanctifying all their acts. "A person sanctifies himself a little, and God will help him to attain great holiness" (Luzatto, 1966, p. 326[). The person who lives in holiness is himself a holy tabernacle, a temple. The righteous are the divine chariot, says the Midrash. Everything that the righteous man does is elevated because he does it (Luzatto, 1966). To live in holiness comes as result of many years of hard work. It is a high goal that (I) offers the individual a new perspective of what is important in a life far beyond the mundane and (2) can arouse a desire to seek human greatness far beyond the baggage of one's past and one's present perceived limitations. 63 64 BIBLICAL STORIES FOR PSYCHOTHERAPY AND COUNSEllNG People face difficult decisions again and again. Often they are caught between conflicting loyalties. They may find it difficult to know what issues to focus on in a myriad of factors. Becoming aware of one's life purpose helps provide a framework enabling one to establish the priorities necessary to making difficult or even agonizing decisions. This section will present five biblical stories each focusing on an issue relating to this theme. Rebecca, the first story, focuses on distinguishing between abilities for a specific task. The second story, Sarah and Hagar, discusses the importance of focusing on one's main aim. The story of Michal, David, and Saul involves distinguishing different motivations behind similar actions. The famous story of Solomon and the two mothers involves integrating implicit knowledge with explicit demonstration. The final story in this section, Cain and Abel, focuses on distinguishing whether a gift is given toward a particular end or is given freely. WEIGHING ABILITIES: REBECCA AND HER TWO SONS Biblical Narrative It is sometimes important to be able to weigh accurately and realistically the abilities of others. This is an important skill day by day and absolutely essential for an effective teacher or business manager. General Robert E. Lee was reportedly brilliant at analyzing the military abilities of opposing Cnion generals and predicting their strategies. One of the foundation stories of the Hebrew Bible tells of the patriarch Isaac blessing his sons, Jacob and Esau. Blessings are taken seriously in the Hebrew Bible, not, however, because they have a magical effect, for they do not. The blessing usually constitutes the passing from father to son of a special purpose in life and explains and supports the receiver's ability to carry it out. Thus were Isaac's blessings to his sons and also Jacob's to his, many years later. In other cases it was God himself who blessed a human being-Adam, :'Ioah, Abraham, and others. Isaac's plan to bless Esau and Jacob might, however, have gone awry had it not been for the insightful and brilliantly planned intervention of R