Chapter 8 CCRT : Love PDF

CHAPTER 8 CCRT Love William Glasser wrote in 1965, "To develop the underlying problem we all have the same needs but we very in our ability to fulfill the needs - we must examine the generally ac- cepted psychological needs in...

CHAPTER 8 CCRT Love William Glasser wrote in 1965, "To develop the underlying problem we all have the same needs but we very in our ability to fulfill the needs - we must examine the generally ac- cepted psychological needs in more detail. First is the need to love and be loved. All of the forms of love, ranging from friendship through motherly love, family love, and conjugal love, drives people to continuously seek personal satisfaction. From birth to old age, we need to love and be loved... equal importance to the need for love is the need to feel which we are worthwhile both to ourselves and to others. Although the two needs are separate, a person who loves and is loved will usually feel, he is a worthwhile person, and one who is worthwhile is usually someone who is loved and can give love in return." (Glasser, 1965) Reality Key: If love is the summary corresponding emotion of Reality Therapy and a feeling of worthiness in individuals, then the process of love is quite literally the corner- stone of CCRT. Love is the first and foremost need of all human beings universally. There is an equivalent negative emotion which deprives man oflove. Dr. Glasser writes, "Thus, when we are unable to fulfill one or both of our needs, we feel pain or discomfort in some form. The pain, which may show itself through the 98  CHAPTER 8 CCRT whole central nervous system from a simple spinal reflex to our highest sinners of abstract thought, motivates us to some activity to try to relieve it. If we sit on a hot radiator, we leap up to avoid burning ourselves. Similarly, but not as dramatically, if we are unable to love, we may shun people to avoid pain.... we cannot admit to ourselves that we need love because we are afraid of rejection." (Glasser, 1965) Pain does not exist in a vacuum. According to the ancient philosopher Aristotle, "Nature abhors a vacuum." Aristotle based his conclusion on the observa- tion, nature requires every space to be filled with something, even if something is colorless, odorless air. There is no pain (problem) existing without affecting everybody and everything in any and all individuals' lives. Christ Centered Reality Therapy (CCRT) is Christian counsel- ing in action. Christians who take action are always the ultimate answer to life's problems. Ministry is not just simply going to church; real ministry is the body of Christ in mo- tion. Ministry is "The Mind of Christ"living out and evidenced in the lives of His people. "The Mind of Christ" is the grace of Christ acted out in individual lives. The reality of love is born out of necessity. The birthing process includes consummation, creation, pain, delivering, nurturing, growth, and finally maturity. Reality teaches all people life's greatest motivator is pain. The corresponding relief from pain is love. Love is not just the absence of pain. Pain is the one universal experience which each and every human who has ever lived on the earth, has experienced. From birth through the duration of each individual life, pain is an empirical, quantifiable experience. We can count on pain to accompany you and I all of our lives. There is absolutely no guarantee a human will experience any form of love or worth- while expression oflove. Pain is universal to the human experience. There is absolutely no individual who has, is, or will not at some point experience pain as a reality oflife. Reality Key: Pain likewise is humanity's greatest motivator. All humans desire to have love and the feeling of self-fulfillment. Pain is a powerful driving force causing people to both stop and start individual actions. 99 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 2 I ST CENTURY Reality Key: Pain is universal to humans, in the extent it is felt and experienced on a holistic level of mind, body and spirit. Pain is quantifiable in the sense each person can count the number of times they have experienced pain. Pain is always experiential in all of nature. Pain is universal to all generations and has been from man's exodus from the garden. In Genesis the third chapter, the first mention of pain in the Bible surfaces. This pain extended to all of nature and mankind. Commencement of Pain Physical pain, The Snake: "On your belly you will go, and dust you will eat All the days of your life" Emotional and Generational Pain, Eve and the Snake: And I will put enmity: "Between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed;" Emotional, Generational, and Spiritual, Satan and the Human Race: "He shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel." The first time the word PAIN is used in recorded history: "To the woman God said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children;" Emotional, Generational, Menial, Physical, and Spiritual Pain, All of Mankind: "Cursed is the ground because of you; In toil you will eat of it All the days of your life." "Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; And you will eat the plants of the field; By the sweat of your face" The first time the death and the fear of death are recorded in the history of man- kind: "Till you return to the ground, because from it you were taken; For you are dust, and to dust you shall return." The Lord, Adam and Eve, Death: For the first time in the history of the world, Adam and Eve witnessed God killing the insolent animal. The reality of death and the fear of death was understood. "God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." 100  CHAPTER 8 CCRT Adam and Eve, Understanding: Now they understood the fear of death and pain. They dare not try to break into the garden for fear of God, and pain was their motivation. "So, God drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cher- ubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life." (Genesis 3 (NASB) Love and the perception of being worthwhile are equally great motivators. Love is a universal experience as a need. Love has no guarantees. Love is experienced on all three levels: mind, body and spirit. Love is a bit more subjective in its interpretation, but none- theless is empirical and quantifiable. Love begins as a need from birth as an infant and grows into love of a child. The number of experiences and the occurrence oflove can be measured or counted in each life. Love is experienced only when a human perceives his needs are being met. Love, opposed to pain, is often manifesting on all three levels simultaneously. A man hits his finger with a hammer, he experiences pain on a physical level. An individual who hits his finger with a hammer will have an emotional reaction, but the individual will not neces- sarily have a spiritual epiphany. Love experienced in the birth of a child is spiritual, physical and mental. A mother's love and understanding of the self-fulfillment as reality is not greater -than pain. Mothers giving birth seldom dwell upon the pain after the birth and instead focus on the joy of their newborn child. I witnessed my son run a football for a touchdown. He was hit numerous times be- fore crossing the goal line, but upon emerging victorious, he absolutely felt no pain but a self-fulfillment and a worthwhile feeling with the reality of having scored a touchdown. Both of these examples are universal truths found in all societies and cultures. Love can be found in pain. Love (self-worth) can be a greater reality of pain. Reality Key - Love found in Reality Therapy, in its original formula, is subjective and left up to the counseling client's interpretation. In CCRT, Love is a need and an absolute to the human condition. IOI CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY A missionary friend, who specializes in ophthalmology, works in the backwaters of the world, especially Central America. He works with indigenous tribes and their eye prob- lems. He literally has brought sight to those who have never experienced vision, or at least clear vision. The missionary said, one of his most important tools in presenting glasses to people who have never experienced glasses is a catcher's mitt. The catcher's mitt is in the form of a large piece of rollout foam rubber which he places underneath the person receiving the glasses. The tribesman sits on the foam rubber mat for the presentation of new glasses. When the tribesman places the glasses on his eyes, he immediately screams,jumps up, and throws the glasses off his face. Next the missionary has to persuade the tribesman to keep trying the glasses until the fear of the new reality of sight has diminished. The blind indigenous person's whole world has been built upon obscured reality now becoming clear. The more people who receive glasses and can see, the more common and normal clear vision be- comes understood. Utilizing survival skills, the tribesmen adapted to see with obscure vision. One of the most successful hunters in a village in Central America wore his new glasses into the jun- gle proudly but became lost. He could not recognize any of his usual landmarks to return to the village. The tribesman had to remove his glasses in order to see the landmarks. He had learned to be successful in his obscured reality. This is the same as relying on a counseling client to have a clear understanding and perception of authentic and genuine love. Abnormal Reality has obscured the client's un- derstanding of love. It is essential for success in CRRT to have a clear understanding of love as an absolute condition of normal reality. 1 John 4:7 ''Beloved, let us love one another:far love is of God; and every one that loves is begotten of God, and knows God." CCRT Reality Key-The desire to worship is genetically encoded into all human be- ings, and the desire to fulfill love is inseparable from the human condition. Jesus simply explains, men love darkness rather than light, for their works were, are, and always will 102  CHAPTER 8 CCRT be works of darkness. Without the absolute love of God being the preeminent source of illumination, without God alive in man, darkness will always win. Without authentic love, genuine success and self-worth will never be achieved. Human success defined by this world is not the same as self-worth and love. Material success and false pride are not the same as real God-ordained success. The false perception of an abnormal reality in the world of men will always exist without the illuminating light ofJesus Christ. The guidepost of the social moral center of success in the human condition is Jesus. ''And this is the judgment, the light is come into the world, and men loved the dark- ness rather than the light; for their works were evil. For every one that doeth evil hates the light, and cometh not to the light, lest his works should be reproved. But He that doeth the truth cometh to the light so his works may be made manifest, they have been wrought in God." John 3:19-21 In the Gospel ofJohn, God's grace and mercy are unconditional and afforded to all of mankind. The acceptance of the permanency and reality of God is conditional. God's love extends to all of mankind, but God's love extends eternally, exclusively to and through His Son the Lord Jesus Christ. This is why old age humanists and new age, self-help gurus, would like to make man a self -or the god of one's own understanding, devoid of moral absolutes. The 21st century youth who have been nursed and immersed in relativism and indoc- trinated in a socialist mentality are completely devoid of emotional maturity and moral absolutes. God is essential in CCRT for any and all counseling clients who ever wish to become healthy or find a positive resolution to the need for love and self-fulfillment. Jesus will need to be in the center. The Father loves His Son; and to have a relationship with the Father, one must have a relationship with the Son. "The Father loves the Son, and hath given all things into his 103 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY hand. He that believeth on the Son hath eternal life; but He that obeys not the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on Him." John 3: 35 Jesus Christ agreed with the Father (as He always agreed with the Father) love was the greatest priority between God and man. This is an absolute understanding of each covenant and law is the reflection of the absolute perfect character of God. God's love is the foundation for all of His laws, unlike man's laws. "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law? Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind 7his is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it, Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:36 The apostle Paul provides a commentary on love as it pertains to conduct for a per- son who has become an authentic believer in Jesus Christ. This expands the definition of the absolute expectation and behavior reshaping and modification of an individual who is devoid of love. Christ Centered Reality Therapy and love as an absolute: Paul in his definition to the Corinthians expounds upon what love should be in its authentic state and what an abnormal perception of love can be manifested as abnormally perceived by an individual. Reality Key- Love from an authentic Christian perception is not ambiguous or sub- jective but has clear objectives and goals which are Christ centered and action based. You can even glean from this passage; Paul is removing the theory oflove and the subjectivity of love so; the Technique of Love is Not confused with the Genuine Act of Love. Paul is clearly stating the concept (the lessening of pain is not love.) The concept in medical practice is 'treating the symptoms which are causing the pain is not the same as a cure for this illness.' In the 21st century pain avoidance now comes with a degree and is big business. Man's original fear was and still is pain. Pain management, pain medicine, and pain control is a branch of medicine commissioning an interdisciplinary approach for facilitation of pain 104  CHAPTER 8 CCRT control and improving the quality of life for those living with chronic pain. Treating the symptom and not the illness. As a person, I am all for those individuals who are suffering with any chronic or life ending illness to remove any and all pain as needed. lliings (stuff people value) of this world are not more relevant than personal relation- ships. Read this passage of Scripture in light of the concept of what love is and what love is not. I am thankful Paul's words expand the idea of abnormal reality. The popular saying of the 21st-century, "What would Jesus do?" Should expand to include the application "what would (Jesus' call authentic love)?" Paul further stresses genuine, authentic love provides not only a secure and permanent picture of reality, but maturity and emotional stability. In the 21st century, the medical and phylactic community around the world has val- idated the need for emotional reception. In fact, a new barometer for the medical and psychiatric community is emotional equity. A barometer by definition is any instrument which measures pressure. The APA and AMA now recognize Emotional intelligence (EI) is broadly defined as the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. The need for emotional constructs like love to be met in humans' lives is so important it is now recognized as a diagnosable condition. In the 21st century to date, there are two emotional intelligence constructs: ability EI (or cognitive-emotional ability) and trait EI (or trait emotional self-efficacy). They are pri- marily differentiated by the type of measurement used in the operationalization process. EI refers to individual differences in the ability to process and use emotional information to promote effective functioning in everyday life. Trait EI concerns behavioral dispositions and self-perceived abilities and is measured through self-report. Trait EI has stronger relationships with personality and concerns people's perceptions of their emotional abilities (how good we believe we are in under- standing and managing our own and other people's emotions, rather than how good we actually are). Trait EI and ASD: The defining feature ofAutism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is impair- ment in interpersonal relating and communication. This includes difficulty communicating with others, processing and integrating information from the environment, establishing 105 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY and maintaining reciprocal social relationships, taking another person's perspective, infer- ring the interests of others, and transitioning to new learning environments. Even mild degrees of what might be called autistic social impairment can significantly interfere with adaptive behavior. Likewise, a combination of mild autistic symptomatol- ogy and other psychological liabilities (e.g., attention problems, mood problems, aggres- sion) can have an adverse effect on social and emotional adjustment. Unfortunately, the core features ofASD may not diminish with development. Typically, individuals do not "outgrow" their deficits. Distress may actually increase as the social mi- lieu becomes more complex and challenging. These difficulties may then persist well into adulthood and lead to comorbid emotional symptoms. Indeed, high stress, anxiety and depression are regularly present in persons with ASD. Clinical psychologist at Harvard University and author of the 2011 book "What is Mental Illness?" states, "Software Malfunction."When it comes to mental illness, a one- size-fits-all approach does not apply. Some diseases may be more purely physiological in nature. "Certain disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and autism fit the bio- logical model in a very clear-cut sense," says Richard McNally, PhD. "In these diseases," he says, "structural and functional abnormalities are evident in imaging scans or during postmortem dissection." Even the Medical world acknowledges the need to clearly distinguish between be- havioral mental illness which is curable and physiological mental illness. There are also many cases where there are combinations of both. Psychological illness can be caused by physiological illness. Reality Key CCRT: There is a behavioral expectation for Christians. The behavioral expectation is based on God's normal expectations regardless of the individual mental condition. This excludes physical illness or truly diminished capacity. (i.e., a new born baby, pervasive mentally handicapped individual and so on... ) 106  CHAPTER 8 CCRT Reality Key CCRT Idea: Emotional response is neutral, not good or bad. It is always the motivation behind the emotion or the choice makes the emotion normal or abnormal. Crying at a funeral is normal and natural crying to manipulate the cop giving you a ticket is abnormal. Yelling at a football game for your team is normal screaming at your wife be- cause you got a speeding ticket is abnormal. Thus, emotion is neutral; it is the choice that is abnormal or normal. (We control all of our choices.) Paul states, "But now abides faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love." Dr. Glasser did not intend to agree with the Apostle Paul and his definition to the Corinthians, but Paul summed in very few words what Dr. Glasser spent his lifetime try- ing to convey and practice utilizing RealityTherapy. Encoded in all human DNA from the time of creation was the need for love and positive emotions. We are all born to worship God and experience love. Paul to the Corinthians, "1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have NOT love, I am become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have NOT love, I am nothing. And if I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned, but have NOT love, it profits me nothing." I told all of my children it takes no talent to be average, but it does take all our en~ ergy to be negative. Individuals with a positive attitude enjoy life far more, and they live healthier. Optimism and love are kindred spirits. Optimists will overcome life obstacles, pain, loss and adversity. My dear professor Dr. Coleman always said, "Your stomach keeps score of your stress and problems."The body is a geiger-counter of emotions and responds to your thoughts, emotions, and actions. The geiger-counter of emotional self-control is anger and depres- sion. Any individual with a positive environment of love, optimism and expectations is far better emotionally equipped to have their emotional needs met. Intelligence quotient, 107 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY has nothing to do with emotional I. Q The more normal and positive the environment of mental health, the more emotional normal reality will be the outcome. "Yet for other conditions, such as depression or anxiety, the biological foundation is more nebulous. Often," McN ally notes, "mental illnesses are likely to have multiple causes, including genetic, biological and environmental factors. Of course, this is true for many chronic diseases, heart disease and diabetes included. But for mental illnesses, we're a par- ticularly long way from understanding the interplay among those factors." The complexity is one reason, experts such as Jerome Wakefield, PhD, DSW, a pro- fessor of social work and psychiatry at New York University, believe, too much emphasis is being placed on the biology of mental illness at this point in our understanding of the brain. "Decades of effort to understand the biology of mental disorders have uncovered clues, but those clues haven't translated to improvements in diagnosis or treatment," he believes. "We've thrown tens of billions of dollars into trying to identify biomarkers and biological substrates for mental disorders," Wakefield says. "The fact is we've gotten very little out of all of that... " "Call it a mental disorder if you want, but there's no smok- ing-gun malfunction in your brain." The effectiveness of any counseling treatment depends on the expectation of the coun- selor and the client jointly. The "placebo effect" proves this evidenced by the placebo effect. The placebo is a drug or treatment, provides no medical benefit except for the patient's expectation and belief, it will heal. Many patients who receive placebos report relief and even healing from their medical problem, even though they received no actual medication. Positive reality is powerful medicine. Reality Key CCRT: The master designer built into His design a set of needs to be met in order for the design to function properly. Reality Key CCRT Idea: Man is both the creation and design of God's work and the operator of God work. Man should learn as much as possible about how the design should 108  CHAPTER 8 CCRT operate. This is logical but man does this backwards. We start driving long before we read the operation manual and when something goes wrong then we read the book. Reality Key CCRT: God has a master plan which is unchanging and available for all men to follow. This plan will lead to success. Reality Key CCRT: All men have the same problems. Abnormality has created a corrupt and dysfunctional environment, impaired social structure, physiological mutated biological system and a Spiritual bankrupt system of moral absolutes. The concept of a physiological mutated biological system has been sold to the public from the time of Darwin's first publication. Every science fiction tale, from Jules Verne to Stars Wars has promoted evaluation by mutation. In the late 20th century this was aban- doned. It is still thought of as gospel in educational circles but has been abandoned by the learned scientific community. They now stress adaptation not mutation. Why? In scientific genetic fact and concept, ''An allele is a variant form of a gene. Some genes have a variety of different forms, which are located at the same position, or genetic locus, on a chromosome. Humans are called diploid organisms because they have two alleles at each genetic locus, with one allele inherited from each parent. This DNA coding determines distinct traits, can and will be passed on from parents to offspring through sexual reproduction. The process by which alleles are transmitted was discovered by Gregor Mendel and formulated in what is known as Mendel's law of segre- gation. Remember doing the Punnett square in school for dominant and recessive genes? Back to Mutations. Lethal alleles (also referred to as Mutations, lethal genes or le- thal) are alleles, cause the death of the organism which carries them caused by a result of Mutations in Genes which are essential to growth or development. Mutations can occur in the RNA and DNA function of any and all animal life. The reality is it is always deadly. It does not cause adaptation or new life. Some examples 109 CHRIST CENTERED REALITY THERAPY FOR THE 21 ST CENTURY of monogenic disorders include: cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia, Marfan syndrome, Huntington's disease, and hemochromatosis. Single-gene disorders are inherited in recog- nizable patterns: autosomal dominant, autosomal recessive, and X-linked. When the "Reality Key" refers to "mutated biological system," it is describing the fall- en condition of all humans after the exodus from the garden. Mutations really picked up speed after the Noahic Flood- this is, just more to the story. Mutations are a bad thing. God in the original perfect design of man never intended mutations. Abnormality is formed of mutations. Any abnormality is always expressed and begins life as a mutation of original intent. The plant hemp makes wonderful rope and was never intended to be smoked. Reality Key CCRT: All men have the same problems. Abnormality has created a corrupt and dysfunctional environment, impaired social structure, physiological mutated biological system and a Spiritual bankrupt system of moral absolutes. 110  CHAPTER 8 CCRT CHAPTER 8 CCRT Christ Centered Reality Therapy Reality Key Study Questions 1. Define pain in your own words. 2. Define love in your own words. 3. The text states pain is humanity's greatest motivator.