Building Healthy Relationships PDF

Building Healthy Relationships What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? The relationships you have with other people affect your mental/emotional and social health. Remember that one of the characteristics of positive emotional health is the ability to build healthy relationships with...

Building Healthy Relationships What does it mean to have a relationship with someone? The relationships you have with other people affect your mental/emotional and social health. Remember that one of the characteristics of positive emotional health is the ability to build healthy relationships with others. People begin to form relationships with their parents and siblings as soon as they’re born. As you get older, friends may become very important to you. You begin to have relationships with adults outside the home, such as teachers and coaches. You might start having romantic or dating relationships. Some people have many different relationships with a wide circle of friends and acquaintances (people they know but not as well as friends). Others prefer to have only a few close friends. Some relationships are with people you talk to or see every day. You may also have relationships with people you talk to or see only once in a while. Relationships change throughout your life. Some relationships you have your whole life, some may last only a short time. But all of the relationships you have can have an effect on your emotional and social health. How do people who have a healthy relationship treat each other and communicate with each other? Honesty and trust Clear communication Acceptance and respect Empathy Showing care and concern Sharing experiences Getting and giving support Ability to work out differences Personal responsibility How might these qualities be slightly different in different types of relationships? A relationship between a parent and child is naturally going to be different in some ways from one between friends who are the same age. Different issues and feelings may arise in different types of relationships. But, overall, these qualities apply and are signs that a relationship is healthy and supportive of both people involved. You have the power to create healthier relationships by paying attention and being willing to give to other people the things you want for yourself, such as acceptance, respect and support. By being honest, listening carefully, sharing your thoughts and feelings in healthy ways, showing care and concern, admitting when you’re wrong, and working to solve problems and resolve conflicts when they come up, you show other people that they’re an important part of your life. You might notice some similarities between this list and the qualities of a healthy relationship. How can having healthy relationships contribute to positive emotional health? It’s easier to accept yourself and feel optimistic when you have people in your life who accept you and treat you with care and respect. Relationships give you a chance to practice resolving conflicts and communicating your thoughts and feelings in healthy ways. They also give you an opportunity to show care and concern for others and take responsibility for your personal choices and actions. Having healthy relationships can help you manage stress and cope with change. Relationships give you people to turn to when you need help or advice, and also provide a chance to give support to others. Ending Relationships Relationships can have unhealthy qualities. Just like people, relationships go through ups and downs. People who feel love and affection for each other may also sometimes experience irritation or even dislike. Nearly every relationship has some healthy or positive qualities. These are the things that people enjoy and value about their relationships. Most of the time, the healthy qualities and benefits people experience from being in a relationship outweigh the problems and motivate them to work on the challenges. These positive aspects are always there in some way, even when people disagree or become annoyed with each other. Nearly every relationship has some unhealthy or negative qualities as well. In a good relationship, the people are able to accept these things or are open to doing the work it will take to change them. What are some unhealthy qualities found in a relationship? Examples include: Lack of trust Jealousy Fights Constantly trying to change the other person Manipulation [tricking the other person into doing things for you] Lack of empathy Lack of respect Poor communication Abuse [physical, emotional, sexual] Remember that communication, trust, respect and taking personal responsibility are some key ingredients for healthy relationships. You can use the skills you’ve been learning to build your relationships and work through the difficulties that arise. Communicating clearly and honestly, listening, showing care and concern, accepting and respecting each other, and taking personal responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions can go a long way toward helping you improve your relationships. Sometimes the unhealthy or negative qualities of a relationship take over or can’t be improved, making both people unhappy. Sometimes people’s interests, priorities and desires change in ways that make the relationship hard to sustain. No longer sharing thoughts and feelings with each other, not listening or paying attention, constant criticism, increases in misunderstandings or unresolved conflicts, or no longer wanting to spend time together are all warning signs that a relationship may be in trouble. Sometimes troubled relationships can be saved if both partners are committed to working on changing the unhealthy qualities. They can try to understand why the problems exist, work on their communication skills and focus on shifting their attitudes and behaviors to help make the relationship better and healthier. But sometimes, even with work, one or both people will decide they no longer want to be in the relationship. If a relationship turns out to be too unhealthy to improve, or if the unhealthy qualities have become so great that they threaten a person’s physical safety or emotional health, the best option is to end it. If a relationship has become abusive or dangerous, a person may need to get help. Let’s suppose we are talking about a relationship with some warning signs, but one that isn’t dangerous or abusive. One of the people has decided they no longer want to be in the relationship. Relationships of all kinds can come to an end for many different reasons. Sometimes there are serious warning signs. Other times the people involved simply come to realize that a friendship or dating relationship isn’t right for them anymore. More often, one of the people decides the relationship is no longer a good choice. Ending relationships isn’t easy, but there are things you can do both to end a relationship in healthy ways and to cope with the feelings a relationship ending can bring. If you decide you want or need to end a relationship, here are some guidelines: ​ Make the decision. Be sure that ending the relationship is what you really want.  ​ Be prepared to feel uncomfortable. You may feel lonely and unhappy after a relationship ends, even if you’re the one who wanted to end it. You may feel a sense of loss, grief or failure. ​ Do it in person. Communicating face to face, if possible, lets you be sure the other person understands your intentions. It shows respect for your past connection, even if you want something different now. It may feel easier or less awkward to send a text, ignore someone or just change your status on a social media page, but many people would consider this inconsiderate and hurtful. You’ve been learning in-person communication skills that can help you manage ending a relationship face to face. ​ Choose a place. Tell the other person your decision in a place where you can leave if you need to. Be prepared for feeling awkward and uncomfortable. ​ Explain your reasons. Clearly state why you want to end the relationship. Don’t debate the facts with the person. Just explain the reasons for your decision. ​ Use I-messages to avoid blaming the other person. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings about the relationship. Mean it. Be sure your body language and tone of voice match the message you’re sending. ​ Make the end final. Don’t make future plans or promises. You don’t want to give the other person false hope that you might get back together because this will just make the break-up more difficult. Remember that the relationship won’t just magically get better on its own, and you’d probably experience the problems again unless both of you are very serious about and committed to changing the unhealthy qualities and improving the relationship. It’s usually difficult for both people when a relationship is over. It can be particularly hard if you weren’t the one who wanted the relationship to end. So it’s important to think about the feelings that may come up and have some healthy ways to deal with them. Some feelings teens might have when a friendship or dating relationship ends include:  sadness regret anger jealousy guilt confusion It’s natural to have strong feelings when a relationship ends. If someone ends a relationship with you, it’s normal to feel sad and even angry for a while. You might feel hurt or jealous if you see your friend or ex-partner spending time with someone new. You might also have confusing or conflicting feelings—one minute you might be angry and the next minute you might feel sad. The person who ended the relationship can also have strong or confusing feelings—one minute you might feel happy or relieved about your decision and the next you might really miss the person. All of these feelings are normal. Having healthy ways to express and deal with them is very important. You’ve already learned some strategies for dealing with strong emotions in healthy ways, which could also be used to help you cope with a break-up or the ending of a friendship. Here are some other coping strategies to try: ​ Practice thought stopping. When a thought about the former partner or friend comes to mind, tell yourself, “Stop!” and think about something else. Practice whenever thoughts of the ex-partner or friend occur. ​ Think realistically. See the relationship as it truly was, instead of idealizing your former partner or friend. Remember the problems in a realistic, honest way. ​ Build your self-esteem. Focus on your positive traits and successes. If you have negative thoughts about yourself, try thought stopping or change the negative self-talk to positive self-talk. Do things you enjoy and be around people who help you feel good about yourself. ​ Develop other relationships. These can provide support. If the relationship with your former partner or friend made time with other friends scarce, reconnect with old friends or make new friends now. ​ Look ahead. Think about what you can learn from both the positive and negative aspects of the relationship that’s  ended. Apply these lessons in your other friendships or next dating relationship. ​ Spend time with people you trust. This could mean talking and sharing your feelings with a supportive friend or family member. Or you might prefer just hanging out with people you like and doing things you ​ normally enjoy, such as seeing a movie or going to a concert, to take your mind off the hurt feelings. ​ Take good care of yourself. Breaking up can be very stressful, so don’t let the rest of your body get broken too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and be physically active to help reduce the stress and keep yourself healthy. ​ Cry if you need to. Going through a break-up or the ending of a friendship can be really tough. Crying can help relieve the feelings. You can do it in private, such as when you go to sleep at night, in the shower when you’re getting ready for the day, or in any safe place where you can be alone, or cry with someone you trust who can comfort you.