Scientific Foundations of Health: Healthy Relationships - PDF

Scientific Foundations of Health Module 3 Creation of Healthy and Caring Relationships 1  Creation of Healthy and Caring Relationships Healthy relationships with your friend, partner and family members can enh...

Scientific Foundations of Health Module 3 Creation of Healthy and Caring Relationships 1  Creation of Healthy and Caring Relationships Healthy relationships with your friend, partner and family members can enhance your life and make everyone feel good about themselves. They don’t just happen though; healthy relationships take time to build and need work to keep them healthy. The more positive effort you put into a relationship, the healthier it should be. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/building-and-maintaining-healthy- relationships#:~:text=People%20who%20are%20in%20a,person%20is%20saying%20also%20helps. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/relationships-and-communication 2  What are the signs of a healthy relationship? People in healthy relationships love and support each other. They help each other practically as well as emotionally. They are there for each other in the good times and the bad times. Healthy relationships are commonly based on: respect trust open communication equality both shared and individual interests understanding honesty care emotional support shared values around finances, child raising and other important matters 3  What are the benefits of healthy relationships? People who have healthy relationships are more likely to feel happier and satisfied with their lives. They are less likely to have physical and mental health problems. Healthy relationships can: increase your sense of worth and belonging and help you feel less alone give you confidence support you to try out new things and learn more about yourself 4  Building communication skills (Listening and speaking) Communication in a healthy relationship People who are in a healthy relationship talk to each other regularly and listen to each other too. Misunderstandings can happen, and that can lead to people being upset, hurt or confused. It is best to be clear about what you want to say. Making a real effort to understand what the other person is saying also helps. Double checking that you have understood correctly can avoid misunderstandings. Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you will be able to communicate well or know what the other is thinking. 5  Building communication skills (Listening and speaking) Communication in a healthy relationship To encourage more open communication in your relationship: set aside time to speak to each other, without interruptions put yourself in the other person’s shoes don’t rely on the other person to guess what is going on, or how you are feeling listen to each other, and make sure the other person knows you are listening to them let the other person finish what they are saying talk about things honestly and respectfully try not to be too defensive stay calm and try not to attack Communication is not just talking; non-verbal communication — your posture, tone of voice, facial expressions — can tell the other person how you feel. Non-verbal communication can even undermine what you’re saying if your behaviour doesn’t match your words. 6  How to maintain healthy relationships? Building healthy relationships with partners, friends and family is good for you. It improves your mood, your mental health and your wellbeing. Maintaining them is important. It takes time and commitment. No relationship is perfect, but it is important that it brings you more happiness than stress. Tips for a healthy relationship Be clear about what you want Say sorry when you’re wrong Be affectionate and show appreciation Make the relationship a priority Develop shared interests Work on feeling good about yourself Find solutions that work for both of you Make plans for the future Family time 7  Having relationship issues? It is normal to have ups and downs in a relationship. It is also normal to have different opinions. Relationships, and people, change over time. Your relationship is not healthy if one person has more power than another, or if that person is abusive or violent. When a relationship ends The end of a relationship can be a very painful time. It may take 2 or 3 years for people whose long-term relationship has ended to recover and to put their lives together again. Some people develop serious health and emotional problems during this time. 8  Friends and friendship Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it's not always easy to develop or maintain friendships. Understand the importance of social connection in your life and what you can do to develop and nurture lasting friendships. What are the benefits of friendships? Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose Boost your happiness and reduce your stress Improve your self-confidence and self-worth Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise 9  What are the benefits of friendships? Friends also play a significant role in promoting your overall health. Adults with strong social connections have a reduced risk of many significant health problems, including depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). In fact, studies have found that older adults who have meaningful relationships and social support are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/friendships/art-20044860 10  What's a healthy number of friends? Quality counts more than quantity. While it may be good to cultivate a diverse network of friends and acquaintances, you may feel a greater sense of belonging and well-being by nurturing close, meaningful relationships that will support you through thick and thin. What are some ways to meet new friends? Staying in touch with people with whom you've worked or taken classes Reconnecting with old friends Reaching out to people you've enjoyed chatting with at social gatherings Introducing yourself to neighbors Making time to connect with family members 11  What are some ways to meet new friends? Attend community events. Look for groups or clubs that gather around an interest or hobby you share. You may find these groups online, or they may be listed in the newspaper or on community bulletin boards. There are also many websites that help you connect with new friends in your neighborhood or city. Do a Google search using terms such as [your city] + social network, or [your neighborhood] + meet ups. Volunteer. Offer your time or talents at a hospital, place of worship, museum, community center, charitable group or other organization. You can form strong connections when you work with people who have mutual interests. Extend and accept invitations. Invite a friend to join you for coffee or lunch. When you're invited to a social gathering, say yes. Contact someone who recently invited you to an activity and return the favor. Take up a new interest. Take a college or community education course to meet people who have similar interests. Join a class at a local gym, senior center or community fitness facility. Join a faith community. Take advantage of special activities and get-to-know-you events for new members. Take a walk. Grab your kids or pet and head outside. Chat with neighbors who are also out and about or head to a popular park and strike up conversations there. 12  How does social media affect friendships? Joining a chat group or online community might help you make or maintain connections and relieve loneliness. However, research suggests that use of social networking sites doesn't necessarily translate to a larger offline network or closer offline relationships with network members. In addition, remember to exercise caution when sharing personal information or arranging an activity with someone you've only met online. 13  How can I nurture my friendships? Developing and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you're the one giving support, and other times you're on the receiving end. Letting friends know you care about them and appreciate them can help strengthen your bond. It's as important for you to be a good friend as it is to surround yourself with good friends. To nurture your friendships: Be kind. This most-basic behavior remains the core of successful relationships. Think of friendship as an emotional bank account. Every act of kindness and every expression of gratitude are deposits into this account, while criticism and negativity draw down the account. Be a good listener. Ask what's going on in your friends' lives. Let the other person know you are paying close attention through eye contact, body language and occasional brief comments such as, "That sounds fun." When friends share details of hard times or difficult experiences, be empathetic, but don't give advice unless your friends ask for it. 14  Open up. Build intimacy with your friends by opening up about yourself. Being willing to disclose personal experiences and concerns shows that your friend holds a special place in your life, and it may deepen your connection. Show that you can be trusted. Being responsible, reliable and dependable is key to forming strong friendships. Keep your engagements and arrive on time. Follow through on commitments you've made to your friends. When your friends share confidential information, keep it private. Make yourself available. Building a close friendship takes time — together. Make an effort to see new friends regularly, and to check in with them in between meet ups. You may feel awkward the first few times you talk on the phone or get together, but this feeling is likely to pass as you get more comfortable with each other. 15  Manage your nerves with mindfulness. You may find yourself imagining the worst of social situations, and you may feel tempted to stay home. Use mindfulness exercises to reshape your thinking. Each time you imagine the worst, pay attention to how often the embarrassing situations you're afraid of actually take place. You may notice that the scenarios you fear usually don't happen. When embarrassing situations do happen, remind yourself that your feelings will pass, and you can handle them until they do. Yoga and other mind-body relaxation practices also may reduce anxiety and help you face situations that make you feel nervous. Remember, it's never too late to develop new friendships or reconnect with old friends. Investing time in making friends and strengthening your friendships can pay off in better health and a brighter outlook for years to come. 16 Relationships for better or worsening of life 17  Understanding of basic instincts of life Humans all have three main survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual, and Social. 18  Understanding of basic instincts of life Humans all have three main survival instincts: Self-Preservation, Sexual, and Social. Self-Preservation The self-preservation survival instinct is the instinct of physical self-protection. As living species, our bodies are the catalyst for our lives. This is the most basic ubiquitous survival instinct. If our bodies fail, we cannot live. This instinct is concerned primarily with one’s own physical body and its health, stability, protection, and ultimately that it continues to live. How does it manifest? 1. Physical Well-Being The self-preservation instinct is primarily focused on the body itself, and its well-being. This includes health, strength, diet, fitness, and endurance. This facet of self-preservation is like a management system for your body. It seeks to find a root cause for problems in the body, and it can seek to test the body’s endurance to harm or stress. 19 Possible examples of thoughts: Is this food healthy? Why do I feel so tired today? When can I get back to the gym so I can feel more energetic? Could I climb to the top of this mountain? Could I survive in the forest for one month? Concrete examples: Buying only organic because it’s better for you, high focus on working out or fitness, health and medicine, diets, fasting, boundaries https://www.enneagrammer.com/the-three- instincts#:~:text=Humans%20all%20have%20three%20main,Preservation%2C%20Sexua l%2C%20and%20Social. 20  2. Self-Regulation and Skills The basic tasks and errands that are required by life to keep one in a healthy routine are a facet of preserving the self. This also includes the skills necessary to take care of oneself such as maintenance, repairs, and the ability to adapt to new circumstances should they arise. These are the most basic and fundamental survival skills according to whatever circumstances a person is in. A person will not necessarily find pleasure in focusing on these things, but they will be a focus nonetheless. The sense of building something also goes along with these skills, whether it be making furniture or building a business. The lack of this skill can make a person see goals without having any patience or knowledge of how to reach them, such as in low SP people. In general, there is sense of practicality in these skills. 21 Possible examples of thoughts: Can I take this apart/fix it? How does this work? What work needs to be done to get what I want? How can I autonomously create my own life? Did we do the laundry? Are my affairs in order? Will I be able to settle in a new place? How do I make this more convenient? Concrete examples: Business savvy, investment skills, home improvement, errands, administration, mechanics, sports, transportation, logistics, craftsmanship, surgery, survivalist skills 22  3. Foundations and Resources This facet of self-preservation focuses on the tangible aspects of life such as a home, earth, food, shelter, etc. Much of this manifest into a focus on money, since we live in a world where in order to gain resources, we need money. There is also a focus on making things permanent and secure. In general, SP people may not like massive changes to their lives or uprooting something that was once a stable anchor. However, people can also test the endurance of their own ability to survive by jumping out of stable situations. Either that, or they will seek “adventure” in terms of lifestyle (ex. travel). What separates this behaviour from SP-blinds is the inner motivation to build endurance and skills, rather than the SP- blind tendency to not register foundations and resources as being something that needs to be worked for specifically. The lifestyles sought after by SP people can vary wildly between frugal and simple to opulent depending on enneagram type and individual scenarios. The idea of foundations also brings the drive to preserve things foundational in general, which can spurn an interest in things that are concrete and old or historical. 23 Possible examples of thoughts: Is owning property better than renting? How much money do I have this month? Where’s the closest grocery store? Why am I stuck here when I really want to travel and see the rest of the world? Why isn’t there enough nature in this city? Do I have any savings? Concrete examples: Finance, eco-friendly initiatives, saving money, mutual funds, property, land, the earth, animal care, monuments, history. 24  SOCIAL The social survival instinct is the instinct of connection. Connection is a gigantic domain and so this instinct is multi-faceted and adaptable, which is part of its innate skill. The prehistoric human brain became larger and larger very quickly, which resulted in offspring being born out of the womb less developed in growth than other species. Many species’ offspring are born almost fully formed, and the period of infancy is much shorter. However, because the human brain is so large, offspring were born early with a long period of helplessness before adulthood. This meant that young sapiens needed a strong bond with a caregiver that could protect them for several years, including the parents and other tribe members. The red-alert response we get when we hear a baby crying is the social protection drive in all of us. 25  This drive to form connections with another human being developed deeply in humans to point where we are able to live in extremely large societies cohesively. Few other species are able to do this. Bees and ants are examples of other very socially cohesive creatures. In humans now, this instinct is an over-identification with relationships with other humans in various ways whether they be deep or cursory. 1. Connection and Care Our brains have built-in mechanisms that register threats to our connections as pain (the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and anterior insula). This facet of Social has a two-way street that begins in childhood and stays with us as an archetypal duality: the parent and the child. Even as adults, we not only long to be cared for, but we instinctively long to care for others. This is the instinct of closeness and “common ground.” All bonds whether they are friendships, relationships, or familial have a common ground space. It is a collection of common-denominator activities, interests, feelings, etc. that two people (or a person and a group) share. The two social stackings will find common ground in different ways, depending on their blind spot. This sense of connection and care leads humans to get a positive feeling reward when they are altruistic without any personal motivations behind it. 26 The darker side to this is registering the people one should not or cannot connect with. SO-doms can be particular about who they do or don’t connect with, and they can have a negative reaction to a person or group that they see as a threat or someone to stay away from. This is nature’s way of protecting us against the “diseased” dangerous person/tribe. Examples of this are: racism, prejudice, exclusion, seeing the other as unclean (ex. hygiene, home cleanliness), seeing differences as a threat, etc. Part of protecting “us” is being a unit that unites against the dangerous “other.” This skill is useful when used against a person who is actually a threat and becomes problematic when turned into prejudices. Possible examples of thoughts: Who are we? What do we have in common? What connects us? Are we an item? How close are we? Are we close enough that I can call them after 9 pm? Will anyone be there for me? Does that person have germs? Why isn’t she responding to my text? Why can’t I find anyone to hang out with? Did my boss get me a birthday card? Why can’t we spend quality time? Do I have these people under control? Concrete examples: Asking a person how they are, active listening, friendships and close bonds, family, power seeking, group leading, group control, teaching, lecturing, imparting, social media, providing, making a difference, making an impact 27  2. Mindreading Humans, unlike other species, are able to interpret the actions of other humans as having not just consequence but also motivation. We can even personify inanimate objects as having their own “minds” or “souls.” For example, “That willow tree looks so sad and the wind seems angry.” Our brains also have built-in mechanisms (the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex and the temporoparietal junction) to essentially make assumptions about not only the feelings of others, but their goals and aims. Seeing other humans as individual minds that have separate thoughts and motivations from us is instrumental in our success in connecting with others, knowing what they need, and reducing the pain of social rejection. This process of mind-reading is called mentalizing, and studies have shown that this region of the brain is active even when when we aren’t doing anything. We mentalize in the background all the time. In order to do this well, humans and animals have all kinds of unspoken rules and contracts for behavioural expectations, and it can be devastating/disorienting when these are broken. These vary depending on location and time period of life. 28 Possible examples of thoughts: Does the cab driver want me to get into the car? Is this person waiting for me to pay? Is that person going to cross the street? Is my mother mad at me? Am I the only one with my windshield wipers on? Is what I’m saying too harsh? Is this polite? If that person is standing up, does that mean I should too? Should we bring a gift? Concrete examples: Knowing how to respond in any human interaction from paying at the grocery store to a job interview in order to create either a positive (or deliberately negative) bond/response 29  3. Harmony & Social Role (You vs. Me) This aspect of the social instinct also has two facets: the self and the other–the “me and you” instinct. We all have a sense of self (the medial prefrontal cortex in the brain) that includes our thoughts, feelings, likes, dislikes, etc. However, this entire sense of self has been heavily shaped by society and our surroundings our entire lives. Many of the things we think or our viewpoints or ideas are shaped heavily by our external circumstances and the influence of others. When we transport ourselves to another social ecosystem elsewhere in the world or into history, we see that a sense of “normalcy” always exists, but it may be completely different than what it currently is for us. Our private sense of self in a sense is also a communal “us.” Self-control (ventrolateral prefrontal cortex) allows us to harmonize with others, the reward being acceptance by others. This means that our ability to shape the way we are to fit what is required of us externally requires a sense of self-control and mediation of what’s inside vs. what’s outside. Our attempt to harmonize our internal “us” with the external “them” is part of where our social “role” comes from. It allows us to put our individual selves forward in a way that will still allow us to be valuable to the group. Included in social role is also pecking order, hierarchy, and social status. These are all ways to measure who we are in comparison to others. 30 Possible examples of thoughts: Who am I? Is this person problematic? Are they using appropriate terminology when describing identities? Am I offending anyone? Should I post this photo? Is this the right thing to wear? How should I say this? How do our political views differ? What makes me me? How do people see me right now? Who’s in charge here? Concrete examples: Getting along with others, forming alliances, living harmoniously with other humans, forming lines, having a sense of self that you consciously present to others, knowing how you come across, knowing how to behave, protesting, unionizing, understanding social protocol (one can reject social protocol, but Social would be aware of this deliberate rebellion, rather than Social blinds not registering the situation), consciously accepting or rejecting what others expect you to be, feeling social humiliation. 31  Changing health behaviours through social engineering Much behavior change occurs not through behavior change programs but through social engineering. Social engineering involves modifying the environment in ways that effect people's ability to practice a particular health behavior. These measures are called passive because they do not require an individual to take personal action. For example, wearing seat belts is an active measure that an individual must take to control possible injury from an automobile accident, whereas airbags, which inflate automatically on impact, represent a passive measure. 32  Changing health behaviours through social engineering Social Engineering refers to modifying the environment in ways that affect an individual’s ability to practice a health behaviour. Social engineering solutions include providing purified water to people or banning smoking in public places and banning drugs like cocaine and heroin, lowering the speed limit, helmet safety laws, preventing advertising of tobacco and alcohol, regulations regarding seat belt use. In this case the individual is left with very little choice or responsibility, the behaviour becomes the default behaviour. 33  Changing health behaviours through social engineering At the level of the nation or the community – legislations can be passed to make the environment healthier and help people lead more healthy lives. The media can be used to influence people towards making healthier choices especially children who are suggestible and vulnerable to advertising. Information resources on health can be made available to all. Facilities that facilitate development of health habits such as open spaces and parks that encourage people to exercise, relatively cheap fruits and vegetables which are organic, minimal marketing of tobacco and alcohol. And most important of all, the provision of good health care for all. 34