Personal Relationship Module PDF

SHS Personal Development Quarter 2 – Module 3: Building and Maintaining Relationships Department of Education Republic of the Philippines Lesson Personal Development: 9 Personal Relationships Being in a certain kind of relationship is...

SHS Personal Development Quarter 2 – Module 3: Building and Maintaining Relationships Department of Education Republic of the Philippines Lesson Personal Development: 9 Personal Relationships Being in a certain kind of relationship is one of the inevitable things in the world. People indeed find love, concern, compassion, sympathy of other people essential for them to overcome challenges of life. People also find it awesome when they show the same feelings they receive from others. One’s involvement to any kind of relationships definitely adds joy to one’s life. However, it may also bring people to a difficult situation. Thus, learning the art of committing oneself to other people is as essential as learning to know oneself. This lesson aims you to create a more joyful and fruitful relationship with others. You will understand how to deal with problems that people do encounter in a relationship. You are also expected to have a successful relationship with others through a better way of communication and interaction with someone dear to you. What’s In Let us find how well you understand words that contribute to building good and strong relationships between individuals. Explain your thoughts to the facilitator after answering the survey. Circle the thumbs up if you agree with the statement in each item and thumbs down if you disagree. Parent-Child Relationship 1. “Remember that you are loved whoever and whatever you become.” 2. “If you don’t succeed you will not get want you want from us.” 3. “You are such a big dismay to this family.” 4. “Thank you so much for trying to make us proud.” 5. “Sorry If I have disappointed you.” Friendship 6. “Always remember no matter what happens we will always have each other’s back.” 7. “Sorry I did’nt mean what I say.” 8. “Let us go through this together.” 9. “It’s not my fault, it’s all yours.” 2  10. “You don’t need to be so sorry people do really make mistakes.” Couple 11. “You know I’m good at this so let me handle this.” 12. “Let us trust each other and do what we have to do.” 13. “You have exhausted yourself honey, take a rest for a while.” 14. “You have to thank me for I have always saved you from your mess.” 15. “Sorry for my imperfections and thank you for accepting them with all your heart.” What’s New Relationships Any form of relationship is said to be a two-way traffic. This means that both individuals should learn to give and take. However, there are different kinds of relationships and each of us has a precise definition for each form of relationship and absolutely we have our own means of building these relationships and keep them stronger. Let us allow ourselves to learn more about our relationships with others by having a concrete definition. In this lesson you will focus on understanding what indeed is personal relationship. Practically speaking, personal relationship is the kind of relationship we make with our family, friends and partners in life or the our significant other. Personal relationship is the close connection between the people formed by emotional bonds and interaction. https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-do-we- mean-personal-relationships. People in a relationship shared their experiences and feelings that certainly make the relationship grow. However, there are cases that these experiences may tend to break the relationship if people involved failed to triumphantly surpass the tests of their relationships. Thus, people are expected to also take care of the relationship they were able to establish with their loved ones by knowing the doorway and barrier of having strong relationship. Before discussing the components of a strong relationship and common reasons of unsuccessful relationship let us define the three kinds of personal relationship we get into as an individual. Family Family as defined by most books we have read before is composed of people who are connected by what we call blood relation or ancestry which is composed of couples/parents, children and grandparents. However, nowadays, people do not 3 really stick to this kind of definition for some varied issues the present day society have been trying to overcome like separation of couples, death of family member/s, and some other acceptable reasons. The real definition of family as one of the kind of personal relationship may vary from one point of view to another and it is because of how they do interact with themselves. But perhaps, most people may agree that what comprise family is the love, care, support, compassion and affection each member renders to one another. As part of a family who are expected to receive such kind of feelings from one another we barely understand how a family muddled to an unhealthy relationship that might end to ugly separation of the couples. Before we see the tendency of our own family ending into this kind of atmosphere there are elements of strong relationship that we must learn. Shady Oak Primary School discusses the four pillars of any relationships which may be very much applicable to building strong family ties such as mutual respect, time for fun, constant encouragement and communicated love. 1. Mutual Respect Lack of respect absolutely brings people to unpleasant environment and pushes people from respecting one another and themselves too. According to the article adults in the family should also be reminded that talking in very humiliating way like consistent nagging, scolding, embarrassing may is a form of dispiriting someone and may lead to losing the reverence of a child to a parent or a spouse to his/her partner. Establishing mutual respect is easier when one is guided by the virtue of the Golden Rule once uttered by Jesus of Nazareth explicitly stated in Mathew 7:12 which has direct English Translation “Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you.” This may simple be interpreted by the famous line “Respect begets respect”. This line means a person shall not trespass in his rights or putting someone down when he/she is wrong. https://ezinearticles.com/?Respect-Begets- Respect&id=501076 2. Time for Fun Having quality time with your parents or kids may mean learning to love them more. The article emphasized that it is not the quantity of time that you spend with each of the member of your family that matters but the quality you spend with them. It is better to have an hour of a heart-warming talk or making fond memories with your kids that is more valuable than having five hours of arguing with them. Each member of the family should learn to take serious matters in a separate occasion and spend precious moment with one another creating good memories together. These memories will serve as their investment for the future. When time comes that each of them is exhausted by their family 4  issues these precious moments will work to keep them strong and hold on to one another. 3. Constant Encouragement Every kid deserves to be trusted first and foremost by their parents/family. Encouragement gives a child a sense of belongingness and the feeling of being loved. If this what encouragement offer to a child how would you imagine constant encouragement should give him/her? A child will definitely grow trusting him/herself based on how you trusted him/her. Positive encouragement may create positive outlook in life. 4. Communicated Love Love we felt may certainly start any form of relationship. However, it is not the thing that can keep it. Love is just a feeling, what really keeps any relationship is the love that is well-communicated. A tap on a shoulder, a kiss on a cheek, a simple hug may just be some of the common ways to express parents love to their kids or kids to their parents but these could also be the most genuine and sincerest way of expressing your love towards one another. The article reminds us all that the effort we have exerted in building strong family relationship will benefit every member of the family and will help each of them to be fruitful in all aspects of life. Friends A friend is defined by most of us by someone who is not a kin to you but very much happy and willing to be part of your life. Similar to your family members your friends are all dear to you. They become one of the special people in your lives for you both have shared good and bad experiences that you are able to build strong connection with each other. Just the way you pray hard to keep your strong family connections you also desire to build strong bond with your friend/s. Friendship just like any other kind of personal relationship is not static it keeps on growing. Keep it is not doing a “magic trick”. There are also means to work for good friendship to materialize. Based on the article entitled: “4 Key Elements of Friendships that Inspire Us” reliability, deep listening/nonjudgmental presence, optimism and service are what makes up a quality friendship that will definitely inspire everybody. 1. Reliability The article explains that maintaining a sense of connection and consistency is essential in creating and maintaining trust. Trust is the heart of all relationship. This virtue teaches everyone the value of recognizing someone’s imperfections and thus he/she is ready to extend him/herself to a friend. 5 This act of kindness will definitely foster a sense of connection, security and relief. A hand that is ready to help will definitely make someone feel he/she is well-taken care of by someone and would not need to worry if he/she messed-up again. This feeling would also develop a sense of responsibility to do the same thing for somehow it uplifts his/her feeling rather than being corrected or questioned about his/her failure to do his/her thing appropriately. As this affection consistently and mutually exists in both parties stronger relationship will start to be developed. 2. Deep Listening or Non-judgmental Presence Listening is of the key factor that makes communication to prosper. Sincerest way of listening is also a kind of expressing how genuine you communicate your love and affection to someone special to you like your friends. Listening with a high value of integrity is indicates your presence which is non-judgmental and not discriminatory. The article mentioned that people may have notice that there are people who certainly give up in a relationship for the reason of having a difficult kind of feeling because of being judged for whatever they did. Who among us would like to be in a company of people who do not have the heart to listen and give chance for us to explain our sides first. Most people would find this situation totally unfair. If we desire to have a stronger relationship with our friends we should be have the characteristic of a good listener. Being a good listener also entails to be a good adviser. After sharing your thoughts and experience to a friend you will definitely love him/her to give his/her intelligent point of view of how he/she see things and would take the initiative to suggest something or give his/her honest comment for you to arrive with a possible resort that would somehow ease your anxieties over things. 4. Optimism Jolly personality is always and obviously appreciated by most of the people. Optimistic point of view is really captivating and can drive someone be a better person too. Being a better individual means having a good perspective and that is able to make sound decisions. Optimism may be a simple virtue that everybody claims to have however, it is not easy to meet people with this kind of disposition. Hence, meeting a friend with this kind of personality is surely to nurture anyone’s friendship with others. Positive atmosphere will a friendship a chance to have a joyful way of living life and cherish the kind of friendship two or more people have with one another. 6  3. Partnerships Among the three kinds of relationship this kind is more serious, sensitive and complicated. Thus, it also requires people who are involved in this kind of relationship to have the ability to make a better and stronger relationship. Sheridan, Center for Elder Research has enumerated top five elements of romantic relationships as reported by adults. The study pointed out five elements to make a romantic relationship lasts. Older adults rated the following as the top five most highly rated elements of successful romantic relationships. 1. Honesty 2. Communication 3. Companionship 4. Respect 5. Positive Attitude Meanwhile, younger adults rated the following as the top five most highly rated elements to keep romantic relationships successful. 1. Love 2. Communication 3. Trust 4. Attraction 5. Compatibility Honesty is still the best policy for adults. According to the study they define honesty as “able to confide with one another in a truthful way” While adult believe that honesty is the most important element in romantic relationship Love as supported by Communication and Trust is the most essential element for younger adult to keep their relationship stronger. No matter what words we use to express the key factors that will make a healthy relationship, do not forget that it always take two to tango. For a relationship to grow and become successful parties involved should take their own sets of responsibility. Remember that being and choosing to be part of any relationship by any circumstance it may be is a commitment. Committing oneself means offering the best version of yourself while still learning to accept and wait till the other party will be able to do same unto you. Understanding the Acceptable and Unacceptable Means of Expressing Attractions Toward The Opposite Sex 7  You have well understood the essential qualities to make a good relationship. This time allow yourself to open your mind to see the difference of acceptable and unacceptable means of expressing attractions toward the opposite sex. In this way you will also give yourself a chance to unlearn the bad practices you have in showing how attracted you are to someone. Filipino society had set norms for awfully unacceptable means of displaying ones attractions to someone against the practically acceptable ones. Maybe you are asking why is it important to be acquainted and realize these things. Filipino culture is bound to the belief that decent display of someone’s feeling is indeed a must to be accepted by the society. It is big disappointment if someone fails to follow this standard for he/she will be labelled maleducated by the society or community or his/her parents did not raise him/her well. Aside from this, Republic of the Philippines had seriously take issues concerning people’s means of expressing attractions to the opposite sex or gender. One law that purposefully pushes this unlawful acts of expressions be punished by the Republic Act (RA) 11313 otherwise known as Safe Space Act. This RA expands the scope of the RA 7877 or Anti-Harassment Act of 1995. This law recognizes that sexual harassment occurs in work, education, and training environments, and penalizes persons who have authority, influence and moral ascendancy in such institutions who commit prohibited acts of sexual harassment. While, Safe Space Act addresses these gaps in our legal framework by recognizing that sexual harassment can be committed between peers or by a subordinate to a superior, by a student to a teacher or by a trainee to a trainer. (https://www.pcw.gov.ph/article/safe- spaces-act-irr-signed). In order to avoid conflict with other people it is rightful and indeed timely for us to discuss some of the improper way of expressing admiration to our peers or colleagues. Below are some of the most common unacceptable means of complimenting opposite sex. 1. Cat-Calling as defined by Merriam Webster is the act of shouting harassing and often sexually suggestive, threatening, or derisive comments at someone publicly. Instead of doing this, a guy may just formally introduce himself to the woman and express his integrity in case there is intention of courting the girl. Though, this must take place only if the lady permits the man. If the lady is a complete stranger and if you find her gorgeously attractive who must learn to pay respect and wait for the right time that the two of you will be introduced. This case obviously falls to the principle of “Patience is a Virtue.” 2. Wolf-Whistling, is a distinctive two-note glissando whistled sound made to show high interest in or approval of something or someone, especially a woman viewed as physically or sexually attractive. Other may find it as a form of flattery but similar to cat calling it can also be penalized by the law for it is taken by many as a form of harassment. 8  3. Leering is defined as looking (especially men) at someone in a sexually interested way 4. Groping in a sexual context, Wikipedia states that groping also called fondling is touching another person in an unwelcome sexual way. This has gained negative connotation in different societies and this activity is considered a form of sexual assault by our law which makes it unacceptable. 5. Stalking as defined by the National Center for Crime Victims Stalking is a pattern of behavior that makes you feel afraid, nervous, harassed, or in danger. It is when someone repeatedly contacts you, follows you, sends you things, talks to you when you don’t want them to, or threatens you. Stalking behaviors may include activities like 1. ) Knowing your schedule; 2.) Showing up at places you go; 3. Sending mail, e-mail, and pictures; 4.) Calling or texting repeatedly; 5.) Contacting you or posting about you on social networking sites; 6.) Writing letters; 7.) Damaging your property; 8.) Creating a Web site about you; 9. Sending gifts; 10.) Stealing things that belong to you and Any other actions to contact, harass, track, or frighten you. Among all these kinds of unacceptable forms of expressing attractions persistent requests for name and contact details after clear refusal is also included and is also penalized by the law specifically Senate Bill 13266 otherwise known as Safe Streets and Public Spaces Act of 2017. The said law seeks to penalize the unacceptable forms of expressing attractions mentioned above and other forms of offensive display of attraction to others. (https://www.rappler.com/nation/213812-senate-approves-bill-vs- catcalling-street-harassment) If our culture and laws clearly identify the unacceptable form or expressing attraction the Filipino culture itself evidently approves some means of expressing admiration between individuals like the following: 1. Pag-agkyat ng Ligaw or Dating 2. Harana 3. Offering Gifts or Bouquet of Flower Although, these practices are not commonly observed by teenagers nowadays we cannot deny the fact that these forms of expressing admiration by a man to a lady are still preferred by Filipino Family. Among the three activities Harana or serenading a woman has evolved into different forms. Before it is usually done at night before the young lady prepares herself to bed. The gentleman would play a song with any musical instrument most prominently a guitar and begin singing a love song to intentionally captivate the heart of the young woman. Now, this can be done on a stage in a certain public or private place which makes it more fascinating for a man shows that his confidence courting the special to him. 9  Having the knowledge of the most common unacceptable and acceptable behaviour of expressing ones endearment toward someone permits you to gain the respect of the people whose beauty and personality brings joy to your life. What’s More Activity 1.1. Being Familiar With The Science of Attraction Before getting into a romantic relationship attractions becomes the prominent signal that we are being fascinated and delighted by someone’s looks, gestures and personality. At your age you may get so excited to express your feelings thinking that it may easily be accepted by the person you adore so much. In this part of this module you are to do the following activities to enable you to understand better how our society define acceptable and unacceptable way of expressing attractions. Learning the Skill: Reading and Viewing Activities 1. Read the article written by Times Reporter entitled: “Public Display of Affection: How much is too much?” in https://www.newtimes.co.rw/section/read/193525 2. Try to state your agreement on the issue raised the writer regarding the topic - Public Display of Affection or PDA. 3. Watch the video “The Science of Attraction” by Dawn Maslar in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=169N81xAffQ 4. After watching the video, explain the science why do we get attracted to opposite sex/other people? Briefly discuss the following: 1. Watch the video in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcm0LTuQUiEWhat is psychology of attraction? 2. How does it helps us to practice acceptable and unacceptable way of expressing attraction toward opposite sex? Learning the Skill: Understanding Conceptual Paradigm 1. Study the diagram below and explain how can one make a stronger relationship with his/her partner. 10  ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ ____________________________________ What I Have Learned 1. Personal relationship is the close connection between the people formed by emotional bonds and interaction 2. Family is comprised by the love, care, support, compassion and affection each member renders to one another. 3. The four essential elements that makes a stronger Family Relatlionship are 1.)Mutual Respect; 2.) Time for Fun; 3.) Constant Encouragement; and 4.) Communicated Love 4. A friend is defined by most of us by someone who is not a kin to you but very much happy and willing to be part of your life.5. 5. The Four Key Elements of Friendships that Inspire Us are 1.) reliability, 2.) deep listening/nonjudgmental presence, 3.) optimism and 4.) service. 6. Top five most highly rated elements of successful romantic relationships for older adults are 1.) Honesty; 2.) Communication; 3.) Companionship; 4.) Respect and 5.) Positive Attitude. 7. The top five most highly rated elements for younger adults to keep romantic relationships successful are 1.) Love; 2.) Communication; 3.) Trust; 4.) Attraction and 5.) Compatibility. 8. Republic Act (RA) 11313 is otherwise known as Safe Space Act. This RA expands the scope of the RA 7877 or Anti-Harassment Act of 1995. 9. RA 7877 recognizes that sexual harassment occurs in work, education, and training environments, and penalizes persons who 11  have authority, influence and moral ascendancy in such institutions who commit prohibited acts of sexual harassment while Safe Space Act addresses these gaps in our legal framework by recognizing that sexual harassment can be committed between peers or by a subordinate to a superior, by a student to a teacher or by a trainee to a trainer. 10. Senate Bill 13266 otherwise known as Safe Streets and Public Spaces Act of 2017. It penalizes unacceptable forms of expressing attractions such as cat calling, wolf whistling, leering, groping, stalking and other forms of offensive display of attraction to others. What I Can Do Let us try to examine how you are as a person in a certain relationship. Seek the help of your parent, friend or boy/girlfriend. Conduct an interview for you to see how well you did you partake in making your relationship stronger. Use all the information you gathered constructively as you build a stronger relationship with your interviewee. Kindly use the interview sheet provided below. Name of Interviewee: Relationship: 1. What word best describe me as a child/friend/boy/girlfriend in terms of my relationship with you? 2. What makes you feel blessed to have me? 3. In what situations I am too weak to accept your suggestions or make decisions? 4. How do I cope up challenges of our relationship? 5. What advice would you give me so that I can overcome my weaknesses? 12 6. What thing do most of the time I failed to understand you as a person/your decisions? 7. What shall I do to extend myself to you during these times? 8. What should I expect from you as I try to start changing myself to meet your expectations so we could both achieved our goals for this relationship to prosper? Additional Activities You absolutely look forward to having a good and harmonious relationship with your family, friends and significant other. Remember to do that you must have open communication with each other. Now, since you have understood the essentials of building strong relationship with others you are encourage to express your apology and appreciation towards someone who are dearest to you. He/she may be your parent, best friend or boy/girlfriend. You are to specifically write a three-paragraph expression of your feelings towards your relationship or his/her way of dealing with you for the past years you have been together as a family/friend/special someone. In your letter describe your thoughts on how he/she help you to become a better person you are now or how he/she guided you to make your relationship stronger as it is right now. Also, include a statement/s of apology to the things you have done wrong and expressions of gratitude to things or times you were so delighted by him/her. 13  A Letter to My Dearest…. _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ 14