The Comprehensive ENFP Survival Guide PDF

THE COMPREHENSIVE ENFP SURVIVAL GUIDE HEIDI PRIEBE Thought Catalog Books Brooklyn, NY THOUGHT CATALOG BOOKS Copyright © 2015 by The Thought & Expression Co. All rights reserved. Published by Thought Catalog Books, a division of The Thought & Expression Co., Williamsburg, Brooklyn. For general i...

THE COMPREHENSIVE ENFP SURVIVAL GUIDE HEIDI PRIEBE Thought Catalog Books Brooklyn, NY THOUGHT CATALOG BOOKS Copyright © 2015 by The Thought & Expression Co. All rights reserved. Published by Thought Catalog Books, a division of The Thought & Expression Co., Williamsburg, Brooklyn. For general information and submissions: [email protected]. First edition, 2015. ISBN 978-0692532508 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is a website and imprint dedicated to your ideas and stories. We publish fiction and non-fiction from emerging and established writers across all genres. Art direction by Mark Kupasrimonkol Cover photography by © iStock.com/_Vilor Cover design by Nick Kinling  To my ESFJ mother for her endless support. To INFP Hilary, INFJ Heather and ISFP Laura, for the many late night talks about type. To Thought Catalog, for helping me give ENFPs everywhere a voice. And to my high school English teacher, who made me take the Myers-Briggs assessment for the very first time. CONTENTS Foreword Introduction INTRODUCING THE ENFP 1. Understanding The ENFP 2. How The Functions Manifest 3. ENFPs And The Enneagram 4. 25 Struggles Only ENFPs Will Understand GROWING UP ENFP 5. ENFPs Across The Lifespan 6. Growing Up Intuitive In A World Of Sensors ENFPS IN THE WORKPLACE 7. ENFPs At Work 8. ENFP Testimonials 9. Defining Your Core Values 10. ENFPs And Follow-Through UNHEALTHY ENFP BEHAVIORS 11. The Dark Side of the ENFP 12. Times Of Trouble: How The Shadow Functions Manifest 13. Moving Out Of The Shadows 14. Dominant-Tertiary Loops 15. Managing Your Moods 16. Self-Care For ENFPs ENFP RELATIONSHIPS 17. ENFPs As Friends 18. ENFPs As Partners 19. ENFPs As Parents 20. ENFPs And Conflict HOW TO MAKE IT WORK WITH EVERY TYPE 21. Inter-Type Compatibility 22. How To Make It Work With Every Type CELEBRATING THE ENFP 23. Embracing Your Identity As An ENFP About the Author Works Cited FOREWORD September 24, 2015 She told me, “I truly cannot think of anyone who conveys the wild/restless/passionate ENFP spirit better through their work!” and I thought, Oh, I am wild, restless, and passionate, am I? And then I agreed to be a part of this book! I was first introduced to the Jung Myers Briggs personality typology, back in 2003, when my cousin dropped in from New York to visit me. At the time, my cousin was the Student Body President at Notre Dame University, and already pinned down for future positions by leading companies, such as Citigroup and the CIA. Oh wait; did I just mention the CIA (which is not a company, I know)? Yes, my cousin was in fact invited to become a CIA analyst (I really can’t say if he accepted that or not, I just know that he was recruited while at Notre Dame). So, my cousin came over to stay at my condo for a few weeks, and it was during that super fun (but also very contemplative) time we had together, that he introduced the personality test to me. “Take it! It’s used by all the leading companies on their employees, it’s legit!” he said, then he looked it up for me and made sure I took the most credible one available online, at the time. As it turned out, I was a “Champion Idealist” (also known as ENFP), which garnered a few moments of silence from my cousin, as he sat there, looking at me weirdly. I really can’t tell you why he was looking at me like that, because to this day I am still trying to figure that one out, myself! I continued to take the same test every year, just to monitor any changes in myself. The percentages in my results would vary every year; nevertheless, I would still be a strong ENFP, every single time! The most recent test I took was from a more modern and updated testing facility, where my test results came back as a full-blown ENFP (none of my points of individuality came back below 47 percent)! What does it mean to be an ENFP, what does it mean to have an ENFP personality type? To me, when I think of what that means, I think of a person born with wings growing out of her heart and roots growing down into the Earth through her feet! Roots and wings— that’s an ENFP. We can fly high, but at the same time, we are fiercely grounded in our principles and philosophies that we hold dear in life. Now, I’m not saying that every single ENFP is going to share the same philosophy, the same principle, the same virtues; but what I’m saying, is that whatever those virtues and principles and philosophies may be— you can be sure we’ve got each our own set of them! Those are our roots. Our wings are the things that nearly drive us to madness, those things that we do which other people would find illogical and maybe even a bit insane! The distance from the Moon to the Earth, is not too far a distance to traverse in behalf of someone we love! Because there is no greater honor than to love and to be loved! So, we’d probably promise the Moon (that would be us flapping our wings); but then you can be sure we’d do everything in our power to make sure that we do in fact fulfill that exact promise (this would be our roots in action). Yeah, we’ll promise you the Moon— but we’re not going anywhere after we make that promise! We are in fact going to try to steal the Moon for you! I do believe that there are so many other aspects to an individual other than their personality type, and I don’t think that the whole outcome of a person is going to be dictated and pre-formed by their type. I believe that is just one area of our being. But to say that it is a considerable part of our being, would be an understatement. It is a true aspect, not just a considerable one. It may be just one of many aspects; nonetheless; it is a real one. Heidi thinks I am wild, restless, and passionate… am I? Well, wild to me, means to be like the untouched wildflowers out in the unreachable fields; it doesn’t mean being touched all over and being found all over the place in nightclubs and passed out on the streets! Wild, to me, means being unmoved by things like betrayal of trust, discouragements, and really being brave enough to choose the experiences that we allow into our lives. The mighty stag is wild and free— but not just anyone is going to be accepted into his domain! The magnificent eagle is wild and is free— but not just anyone can touch it! So, that’s what wild means, to me. And restless… I suppose I am restless in the way that there is an ocean that moves within me! Sometimes, it moves so strongly and so powerfully, that it can toss me around a bit! That’s what restless means to me; it doesn’t mean not knowing where to go or not knowing what to do! But it is the possession of an internal ocean! The last thing Heidi said is that I am passionate. What does being passionate mean? Does it mean wanting to hold the world in your hand so that you can bite into it like you would bite into a chunk of chocolate cake? Because if that’s what it means, then that’s what I am! Does passionate mean you want to walk the streets of the Sun, live there, and say that you are a child of the Sun? Because if that’s passion, then I have it! Does passionate mean that it’s not alright to just say, “I’m okay,” but instead, you’ve got to feel the need to say, “This is what I dreamt last night” and maybe even, “This is what I dreamt last night, and you were there in my dream, and this is how you felt and I think this is what it means!” Is that what passion means? Because if so, then that’s me! How do we not get tired of all the bursting things that we are? We have laughter spilling out of our pores and tears not yet been born that are ready to surface from our eyes and our ears for so many different reasons— how can we not be tired? Have you ever asked yourself that? Have you ever stood there (or sat there) and asked yourself, “Where did it all begin, and where does it all end? Is there even such a thing as an end? Do endings even exist, are they even real?” I suppose we do get tired, maybe more than others do, but then we also fly higher and we run deeper, and in that light, exhaustion can only be a birthing pain of things so beautiful to come! I know that being an ENFP isn’t going to define my future, my person, and my outcome in life; but I also know that being an ENFP is a pretty damn good thing to be, and it is in this light that I joyfully bring this book into your hands, with full hopes that its positive message will be received and understood, as what was intended for it by the author, during its conception. I welcome you into a greater understanding of yourself, of others like you, and even of those who are not like you whom you will better understand as a result of seeing exactly where you are coming from. Right now, I am thinking about a circus, and I have no idea why I am thinking of a circus as I pen the very last paragraph for this foreword… maybe it’s because it was during those warm Summer evenings back in Florida— at the county fairs and the strawberry festivals, the local circus rides — that I would watch the sun set and the yellow lights turn on along with the street lamps, that I would be met with a sense of wonderment, but at the same time, a heavy feeling born of the desire to have more, to understand more, to go more places! I guess it was in those very places, at twilight, where I would see that I had both wings and roots! I would look up at the rides going around in circles in the sky, and I would realize how far I still had to go! But that didn’t mean I thought I couldn’t get there! I knew that I just needed to dig a little deeper! C. JoyBell C. is an author of philosophy of mind, poetry, fiction, and other things wise and wonderful. She has been quoted by Global Leader and Entrepreneurial Innovations Giant, Mosongo Moukwa; Powerhouse Entrepreneur, Speaker and Author, Guy Kawasaki; Dr. Dale Archer, NY Times bestselling Author, Founder/CEO of The Institute for Neuropsychiatry; Chanel rep., Supermodel Cara Delevingne; Demi Lovato; Amanda Seyfried; and many, many more. She is also member of the Editorial Board of the Polish Scientific Journal, Studia Humanitatis Mrongoviensis. INTRODUCTION First of all, if you are actually beginning this book at the introduction, I fear you may have picked up the wrong book. Perhaps you were looking for “The Well-Ordered ISTJ Survival Guide,” but a ne’er do well ENTP switched the book cover on you as a prank. Or maybe you were on the hunt for, “The ESFJ’s Guide To Being Assertive,” but bought this book because the store employee recommended it and you didn’t want to be impolite. If neither of these scenarios ring true, I can safely assume that you are an ENFP who has returned to the first page of this book after attempting to read it from the middle and realizing you have no idea what all this “Fi” and “Ne” nonsense is about. In this case, welcome back to the beginning, you over- zealous goof. There are a few things you should know before we get started. The first thing you should know is that this book won’t mimic what you’ve read about your personality type thus far. Most of the articles that are currently in circulation about type are ceaselessly positive – they highlight the good and brush over the bad. They examine your triumphs and dispel your disappointments. They celebrate your strengths and forgive all of your weaknesses. This book does not do any of that. This book is about reality. This book is about delving into the deepest, murkiest depths of what it means to be an ENFP. This book is about confronting your bad behaviors. It’s about understanding your infuriating inconsistencies. It’s about stripping the stereotypes that surround your personality and making peace with who you are at your core. This book is about becoming the best possible version of yourself. Through exploring what it means to be an ENFP, I hope you come to understand yourself a little bit better. I hope you find inspiration in the words of other champions. I hope you confront some truths you’d rather keep hidden and rejoice over knowing that you’re far from alone. I hope you learn to celebrate your light and find a better way of wrestling with your darkness. But what I hope, first and foremost, is that by the time you’re done with this book, you feel a little more convinced that it’s okay to be you – in all your zany, unpredictable glory. Because this book isn’t here to tame you. It isn’t here to revise you. It isn’t here to turn you into an ENFJ, ENTP or INTJ. This book is here to help you turn up the volume on yourself. Because if there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s that the world needs more people like you.  PART 1 INTRODUCING THE ENFP UNDERSTANDING THE ENFP What does it mean to be an ENFP? Chances are, you learned your type via an online questionnaire that was masquerading as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®. Maybe your ENFJ boss made you take it as a team builder exercise. Maybe your INTJ partner forced you into it so that he or she could better understand you. Whatever the case, here’s the first thing you need to know about online type assessment quizzes: They only scratch the surface of personality assessment. These quizzes are almost always based on the most elementary type theory – one that pits introverts against extroverts, intuitives against sensors, thinkers against feelers and judgers against perceivers. The truth about type is that none of those categories are mutually exclusive. In fact, you’re a little bit of everything. You’re an extrovert and an introvert. You’re an intuitive and a sensor. You’re a feeler and a thinker. You’re a perceiver and a judger. But before we delve into the complications of how you embody each of these preferences while still fitting neatly into the four letter acronym of ENFP, let’s do a quick refresher on what each of those terms actually mean.  THE DICHOTOMIES The MBTI® “Letter Dichotomies” refer to the pairs of psychological preferences – represented by letters such as “I” or “E” – that most type tests force you to choose between. The letters and their corresponding explanations are as follows: E is for Extrovert I is for Introvert Extroverts: Introverts: Gain energy or ‘recharge’ through social Gain energy or ‘recharge’ through alone interaction. time. Enjoy having a wide circle of friends Vs. Prefer to maintain a small circle of close and acquaintances. friends. Generally feel comfortable in the Generally feel most comfortable while company of others. alone. Are perceived as ‘outgoing’ or sociable Are perceived as quiet or reserved by by others. others. S is for Sensing N is for iNtuitive Sensors: Intuitives: Prefer dealing with the physical world Are ‘big picture’ thinkers. of objects to the intangible world of Are quick to recognize patterns and ideas. make connections between abstract Vs. Are realistic and down-to-earth in their ideas. observations. Are more concerned with theories than Prefer learning facts first and theory with concrete facts and observations. second. Focus the majority of their attention on Focus the majority of their attention on conceptualizing future possibilities. either the past or the present moment. F is for Feeling Feelers: T is for Thinking Thinkers: Prefer to make decisions based on how they feel. Prefer to make decisions based on logic. Value interpersonal harmony extremely Vs. Value accuracy over harmony. highly. Are not naturally in tune with the Are naturally in tune with the feelings of feelings of others. others. Feel more comfortable dealing with Are more comfortable dealing with hard logic and facts than with emotions. feelings than with ‘cold, hard facts.’ P is for Perceiving J is for Judging Perceivers: Judgers:  Prefer to leave decisions open-ended. Enjoy having decisions made. Work in bursts of energy (often as a Work toward goals steadily and deadline approaches). Vs. consistently. Feel trapped inside of strict plans or Enjoy following specific plans or routines. routines. Prefer exploring various possibilities to Prefer settling on one option to settling on just one option. exploring various possibilities. Of course, if all of these categories were mutually exclusive, the world would be in trouble. Introverts would never leave their homes. Extroverts would never leave parties. Intuitives would lack the ability to see, hear, taste and touch the world around them. Sensors would be helpless to form plans or strategize. The truth about type is that it’s significantly more complicated than sorting people into categories such as “Feeler” or “Thinker.” Personality type, at its core, is a reflection of how you process information and reach decisions. Sometimes you do this by venturing into the world and gathering new information. Sometimes you do this by withdrawing and analyzing what you have available to you. Each of our brains processes thoughts, feelings and experiences a little differently. And those different methods of gathering and processing information are known as our cognitive functions.  THE COGNITIVE FUNCTIONS If you were planning on skimming this chapter in order to reach the more exciting parts of the books, I have some dire news for you. This is the most important chapter in the book. You can skip this chapter if you want – I’m not here to clip your wings – but it provides you with the basis for understanding personality type theory on a deep, comprehensive level. The rest of the book is going to be excessively difficult to understand if you do not first understand how cognitive functions work. So here’s my advice for this chapter: Don’t skip it. Get up now, take a walk around the block, drink a glass of water, take a nap if you need one, call your mother if you haven’t in a while, and then come back to this chapter with a clear mind and a note-taking device. Because this is about to get complicated. Cognitive functions were originally theorized by Carl Jung and written about in greater detail by Isabel Briggs Myers. The “Functions” refer to specific methods of processing information and making decisions, based on your specific personality type. Each type uses four – out of a possible eight – cognitive functions on a regular basis, in a specific order. The eight cognitive functions are: Introverted Intuition (Ni) Extroverted Intuition (Ne) Introverted Sensing (Si) Extroverted Sensing (Se) Introverted Feeling (Fi) Extroverted Feeling (Fe) Introverted Thinking (Ti) Extroverted Thinking (Te)  Whether the function is extroverted or introverted refers to whether it is oriented outward – toward the world of action, or inward, toward the world of introspection. We each use two extroverted functions and two introverted functions. We also each use one intuitive function, one sensing function, one feeling function and one thinking function. We refer to our intuitive and sensing functions as our perceptive functions, since we use them to perceive the world around us. We refer to our thinking and feeling functions as our judging – or decision-making – functions, as we use them to make decisions. We all prefer using one of our perceptive functions over the other. The same goes for our judging function. In the case of ENFPs, we use the following functions in the following order: (1) Extroverted Intuition (or Ne) (2) Introverted Feeling (or Fi) (3) Extroverted Thinking (or Te) (4) Introverted Sensing (or Si) To recap, our perceptive functions are extroverted intuition and introverted sensing. Our judging functions are introverted feeling and extroverted thinking. We are classified as intuitives in our four-letter acronym because we prefer to look at the ‘big picture’ (using Ne) before taking in the specific details (using Si). In the same vein, we are classified as feelers in our four- letter acronym because we process decisions based on how we feel (using Fi) before we consider the logical implications of those decisions (using Te). We are considered extroverts because we prefer using our main outward- oriented function (Ne) to our main introspective function (Fi). We are considered perceivers because our perceptive function is oriented outward, into the world of action. This fact that you have a mix of extroverted and introverted functions – as well as a mix of feeling, thinking, intuitive and sensing functions – explains why you often feel introverted when you’re processing your emotions but extroverted when you’re planning ideas. It explains why you can switch into no-nonsense, get-things-done mode but you also have a soft, deeply compassionate side. Before delving too far into what it means to use your cognitive functions, let’s take a look at exactly what each of them involves.  EXTROVERTED INTUITION (NE) THE ENFP’S DOMINANT (OR FIRST) FUNCTION Extroverted intuition (or Ne) is our idea-generating function. It dwells primarily in the future and gains energy through the exploration of abstract ideas and future possibilities. It enjoys brainstorming, speculating and connecting ideas to each other using abstract reasoning. Ne possesses the unique ability to consider multiple opposing views simultaneously and it does not like to decide firmly upon ideas. It prefers to generate, synthesize and explore them. This function gains the most energy when it is interacting with its external environment – that is, debating ideas with a fellow intuitive type or examining which possibilities exist for the future. Let’s look at Ne in practice. Ne is the reason why you start ten new projects for every one that you finish. Ne is the reason why you often contradict yourself in conversation because you genuinely see multiple sides to a situation. Ne is the reason why conversing with a fellow intuitive makes you feel as though you’ve had fifteen cups of coffee and an upper. Ne accounts for your short bursts of innovative energy that peter out as soon as your inspiration wanes. Ne is the reason why you adore planning for the long-term but can be incredibly impulsive in the short term. Ne is the reason why you can’t properly understand an issue until you’ve taken the devil’s advocate approach to it. Ne is the reason why your eye always wanders toward better, brighter, more exciting opportunities, even when you’re perfectly happy with what you have. Ne is the reason why you find the beginning of everything fifteen times more exciting than the middle or the end. Ne is the reason why you never say no to a challenge. Ne is the tiny thrum of madness in the back of your mind that keeps you constantly moving forward.  INTROVERTED FEELING (FI) THE ENFP’S AUXILIARY (OR SECONDARY) FUNCTION Introverted feeling is our primary decision-making function. Introverted feeling is an analytical function that seeks to discover universal truths about humanity, morality and what it really means to be alive. It looks at everything through a subjective lens and seeks to break down the experience of emotions in order to understand them on a core level. Introverted feeling can perhaps best be described as an ENFP’s digestive system. We take in experiences via our extroverted intuition, then process them and decide how we feel about them using introverted feeling. Fi decides which moral principles we will use to govern our lives and then it fits all new experiences into the framework of those principles. Until we’ve taken time to be alone with our feelings, ENFPs have a difficult time making decisions. Fi demands authenticity, which is at the core of every ENFP’s value system. We need to know that we are staying true to ourselves in all endeavors – and Fi is the judgment function that determines whether or not we are doing so. Let’s look at Fi in practice. Fi is the reason why you need to withdraw and reflect on your feelings after a prolonged period of extroversion. Fi is the reason why you have to assign a deeper meaning to almost everything that happens to you. Fi is the reason why you experienced such intense mood swings growing up. Fi is the reason why you spend so much time daydreaming about an ideal version of yourself.  Fi is the reason why you come out swinging when someone says something that goes against your best moral judgment. Fi is the reason why you feel such intense passion and devotion toward the people and things that you love. Fi is the reason why you’ve considered whether or not you’re an introvert at some point in your life. Fi is the reason why you’ve probably felt misunderstood for the majority of your life.  EXTROVERTED THINKING (TE) THE ENFP’S TERTIARY (OR THIRD) FUNCTION Extroverted thinking is our secondary decision-making function. Extroverted thinking is introverted feelings executive assistant, if you will, and it works to back up introverted feeling in whatever decisions it comes to. Extroverted thinking – as an isolated function – is all about imposing order on its external environment. It looks at everything through a results- based lens and is incredibly efficient at executing plans that yield tangible, beneficial results. Extroverted thinking takes a top-down approach to almost everything – it looks at where it wants to be and then works backwards to figure out how to get there. It has its end goal in mind at all times and tends to believe that the end almost always justify the means. Te is an extroverted function that is skilled at constructing arguments in a logical, indisputable fashion. It is difficult to argue with a Te user because they get right to the point and relate everything back to usefulness – if an idea or a detail does not support a meaningful end, then the extroverted thinker has no interest in it. They argue from the position of what is indisputably logical and immediately apparent – this is why ENFPs are often skilled debaters, despite being introverted feelers at their core. Let’s look at Te in practice. Te is the reason why you are good at accomplishing your goals, even if they are driven by pure emotion. Te is the reason why you argue with cold, detached logic when you’re angry or worked up. Te is the reason why you have a hard time motivating yourself to do basically anything that you can’t see the immediate benefit of. Te is the reason why you are surprisingly resourceful when you want something. Te is the reason why you’re good at phrasing things in a way that people have a difficult time arguing with. Te is the reason why you can sometimes convincingly fake that you’re in touch with the world outside of your own mind.  INTROVERTED SENSING (SI) THE ENFP’S INFERIOR (OR LAST) FUNCTION Introverted sensing is the last function in the ENFP’s stack – also known as our inferior function. It’s important to note here that the traditional definition of introverted sensing does not necessarily relate to the ENFP’s experience of it. Because it is our repressed function, it often manifests itself in unhealthy or counterproductive ways. As an isolated function, Si is focused on routine, tradition and integrating past experiences into the present. It places a high level of trust in authority, institutions and societal norms. Si is highly detail-oriented and is skilled at remembering specific pieces of information. Si users tend to have excellent memories and use their past experiences to plan for the future – they chronically assume that the future will resemble the past. Doesn’t sound like you? That’s because inferior or repressed Si manifests itself through rebellion. Let’s look at Si in practice for the ENFP’s. Underdeveloped Si is the reason why you are impatient with social norms or pleasantries and feel resentment towards ‘The man.’ Underdeveloped Si is the reason why you don’t want to lead a traditional life. Underdeveloped Si is the reason why you often forget to eat, sleep or bathe when you are engrossed in a new project or endeavor. Underdeveloped Si is the reason why your anxiety may manifest itself physically. Underdeveloped Si is the reason why you distrust authority and traditional methods of getting things done.  Healthy Si is the reason why you are able to follow through on your goals and projects even once they’ve grown boring. Healthy Si is the reason why you don’t repeat your big mistakes. Healthy Si is the reason why you make a deliberate effort to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Healthy Si is the reason why you’re comforted by past experiences and use them as a reassurance that if things worked out for you before, they can work out again. Si is the reason why you’re prone to intense bouts of sentimentality. Si is the reason why you’re still alive. HOW THE FUNCTIONS MANIFEST Let’s take a look at how we perceive our own functions. Think of it like this: You are in a swimming pool and your first or “dominant” function (in the ENFP’s case, extroverted intuition) is the water. It’s everywhere. It’s what you do without thinking about it. It’s your natural first impulse to every situation – it comes to you so naturally that you may not even notice yourself using it. Introverted feeling (known as your auxiliary function) is like the ladder, or the waterslide. To an extent, you can choose to use it or not use it. You are very aware of its presence. You can’t make it go away, but you can temporarily ignore it. You have to swim through the water to get there. Your third and fourth functions – or your “tertiary” and “inferior” functions (extroverted thinking and introverted sensing for the ENFP) – are less accessible to you, as you may not fully develop them until you are nearing middle age. When you’re younger, your tertiary and inferior functions are primarily called upon when you are under stress. If you started drowning in the water, your tertiary and inferior functions would be the life raft that you cling to. Eventually, you can integrate them to become pool toys that you use on a regular basis. Once you’ve done this, you will finally have a well- balanced, relaxing pool experience. We can also refer to this as type actualization. Your cognitive functions develop in chronological order, as you age. In the following chapters we will take a look at when each function begins to mature and take on a more significant role in the ENFP’s brain. In the meantime, however, it’s important to examine the unique relationships our functions have with each other.  FUNCTION PAIRS Though extroverted intuition and introverted feeling are the most dominant functions in the ENFP’s brain, they are surprisingly independent of one another. Think of extroverted intuition and introverted feeling as a married couple – they interact a great deal and have learned to complement one another, but there is no inherent blood relationship between them. Where there is a close, mutual relation is between the two perceptive functions and the two judging functions. Introverted sensing is like extroverted intuition’s biological child and extroverted thinking is like introverted feeling’s biological child. Everything extroverted intuition does affects and is noticed by introverted sensing. Everything introverted feeling does affects and is noticed by extroverted thinking. While extroverted intuition is out in the world, discussing ideas and theorizing future plans, introverted sensing is tagging along in the background, making notes and keeping track of extroverted intuition’s perceptions. While introverted feeling is sitting indoors processing the ENFP’s experiences, extroverted thinking is taking note of introverted feeling’s decisions and theorizing ways in which they could be implemented. Eventually, Te and Si will mature and push back against their parent functions. Si might tell Ne, “You tried this before and it didn’t work.” Te might tell Fi, “This decision is impractical and we ought to look at more logical options.” Other times, Si and Te will subtly manipulate their parents into making the decisions they want, without their parents noticing or resisting. The maturation of their tertiary and inferior functions will allow the ENFP to become a well-rounded individual. But at the end of the day, extroverted intuition and introverted feeling will always be the main functions in charge of the ENFP’s brain – and they will consequently always be the functions that you end up trusting the most.  SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE AN ENFP? Now that you know a bit about how your brain takes in information and makes decisions, how does this manifest in the real world? On the surface, ENFPs appear to be bubbly, confident, personable and enthusiastic. They are fiercely engaging personalities who care passionately about the world that surrounds them and the people who make it up. They have a particular knack for riling people up and making those around them feel comfortable, appreciated and loved. What is less apparent about the ENFP is the rich inner world that exists beneath their surface. ENFPs feel and experience life on an incredibly deep level – they are constantly picking apart new experiences to decipher their meaning and determine their significance. This type may seem wildly extroverted to others, but they often feel the most in touch with themselves when they are alone. Their solitary world is where the ENFP goes to make sense of the lives they are living and process what their experiences truly mean. Though they are agreeable on the surface, ENFPs are often extremely driven individuals. This type is compelled by a strong set of ideals that they often conceive at an incredibly young age. They may jump between careers, opportunities and experiences in their adult lives but nonetheless feel as though they’re perfectly on track to becoming the kind of person they want to be. For the ENFP, experiences are not ends in themselves but vessels through which they can uncover deeper, more complex truths about life. Therefore, the more experiences they draw in and process in a meaningful way, the more fulfilled the ENFP feels. Of course, this type is not without its struggles. In their younger years, ENFPs may lack the follow-through they require to get the most out of their experiences. They may give up on new projects prematurely or find themselves constantly getting distracted by more exciting options and engaging in a never-ending chase for the next great ‘high.’ This tendency is likely to even out as they age, but an ENFP who does not learn to apply judgment to their perceptions is at risk of wandering between experiences indefinitely – ultimately leaving them feeling unfulfilled. At their best, ENFPs are passionate, creative, enthusiastic, driven and genuinely inspirational to those around them. This type possesses a unique mixture of emotional intelligence, critical thinking skills and pure mental strength which, when combined, will get them to just about wherever they’d like to be in life.  FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT ENFPS Can my personality type change? The short answer is no. The long answer is also no. If you are using an online test to assess your personality type, it is highly likely that you will test as various different types over the course of your life. This is because most online tests are based on the four-letter dichotomies and not the cognitive functions. This makes the test results highly subjective and prone to variance based on where one is in the development of their cognitive functions. Throughout this book, the development of the ENFP’s dominant, auxiliary, tertiary and inferior cognitive functions will be explored at great length. You will come to understand how your personality presents itself at different stages of your lifespan, and across various stressful situations. Which personality tools you use to interact with the world will depend on where you are in terms of cognitive development as well as which external circumstances you are facing. However, your personality type itself is pervasive across the lifespan. If I’m an ENFP, why do I feel like an introvert? ENFPs are known as the ‘most introverted extroverts’ and mistake themselves for introverts in high frequency. The reason for this is that our dominant extroverted function – extroverted intuition – is significantly more concerned with the external world of possibilities and ideas than it is with the external world of people. We gain energy from brainstorming, theorizing, debating and imagining new possibilities for the future. If this can be done aloud, in the company of likeminded people, we gain maximum energy. If no such people are available, we’ll simply brainstorm, theorize and imagine new possibilities on our own. Either way we are activating our extroverted intuition. Ironically, we can use our dominant extroverted function either alone or around others. It is, in many senses, an ambiverted function. The other reason ENFPs identify highly with introversion is that we require a significant amount of alone time to process new experiences via our auxiliary introverted feeling. ENFPs place a high value on authenticity and we must constantly ‘check in’ with ourselves to ensure that we are living life in accordance with our internal system of morals and ideals. This causes us to require significantly more alone time than almost any other extroverted type. How do I figure out if I’m an INFP or an ENFP? INFPs and ENFPs use all the same cognitive functions, but in a slightly different order. INFPs use introverted feeling first, extroverted intuition second, introverted sensing third and extroverted thinking fourth. A few methods of differentiating between the ENFP and the INFP personality type are as follows: For INFPs, feelings precede actions. They need to determine how they feel about a given situation before jumping into it and have a very difficult time acting on anything if they do not first feel passionately about it. For ENFPs, actions precede feelings. They tend to jump into new situations enthusiastically, as soon as a new idea occurs to them, and then withdraw to process their feelings about the situation after having acted on it. Another method of discerning whether you are an ENFP or an INFP is to determine which function you are less comfortable with: Extroverted thinking or introverted sensing. The ENFP’s inferior function is introverted sensing. This often gives them a “screw the system” mentality and motivates them to seek unconventional methods of going about almost everything. Their tertiary function is extroverted thinking, which means they are often highly resourceful and tend to be adept (though not necessarily preemptive) at solving problems in their external environment. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” is basically the ENFP motto. The INFP’s inferior function is extroverted thinking. This often gives them an, “Individuality above all else” mentality that prevents them from engaging in any action that is not in line with their personal values. Their tertiary function is introverted sensing, which means they are better than ENFPs at remembering facts, have a higher attention to detail and may take more interest in the history or tradition behind their interests (i.e. an INFP is more likely to learn everything about their favorite musical artist than an ENFP, who is more likely to only listen to the songs he or she likes). At the end of the day, the only true way to discern your personality type is to learn about the cognitive functions as thoroughly as possible and determine which ones you use most regularly and in which order.  COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT ENFPS As with any personality system, certain stereotypes are bound to develop. This is particularly true for the ambiverted ENFP – what they reveal to others is often quite different from the way in which they truly experience the world. Here are a few common stereotypes associated with the ENFP personality type and the realities that correspond to them. Perception: ENFPs are incredibly laid back Reality: ENFPs are selectively laid-back. They’re big-picture thinkers, which means that small, everyday concerns don’t always make the radar. But when it comes to their goals and desires, ENFPs are the least chill people imaginable. This type is constantly at work analyzing, evaluating and making connections between everything that happens around them. ENFPs may have messy houses but they have clear visions of the future and they don’t let anything get in the way of what they really want. Perception: ENFPs wear their hearts on their sleeve Reality: ENFPs are warm. They’re welcoming. They’re kind. But what they are not is comfortable with personal disclosure. This type uses extroverted intuition and extroverted thinking to interact with the world around them, which means they’re much more comfortable asking questions and debating ideas than they are proclaiming their feelings. Unless you’re a particularly close friend, anything you know about the ENFP’s inner world is probably just the peak of the iceberg. Perception: ENFPs are commitment-phobes Reality: ENFPs are not always quick to jump into serious relationships but this is more often an issue of compatibility than one of commitment. ENFPs connect relatively quickly with most people. But they want more than a surface-level connection and a few common interests: they are searching for a specific, intense relationship that both challenges and grows them. If they find this, they are all in. If not, the horizons are still being scanned for what else is out there. Perception: ENFPs are always happy Reality: ENFPs hold the pervasive belief that there is always something left to look forward to. This does not at all translate to constant happiness. Though this type gives off a light-hearted, fun-loving air, they actually take life quite seriously. ENFPs feel their lows just as intensely as they feel their highs – they just aren’t as comfortable expressing negative emotions as they are positive ones. Perception: ENFPs are social butterflies Reality: ENFPs love people – that’s no secret. What’s not as obvious is that ENFPs put an incredible amount of stock into their personal relationships. Trying to maintain five hundred surface level friendships would be exhausting for this type. They give off a friendly air, but are really unable to maintain more than a handful of close relationships at a time. Perception: ENFPs are the ultimate free spirits Reality: ENFPs are not the free-spirited hippy types that they are so often made out to be. Though their values are liberal and their methods unconventional, ENFPs are incredibly driven folk who almost always have a clear-cut goal in mind. They don’t want to go wherever the wind blows them – they want to embody the storm. And they’ll take down whatever stands in their way. ENFPS AND THE ENNEAGRAM The ENFP personality type is not mutually exclusive with other personality inventories. Just as we can use our four-letter type as a method of narrowing down our personalities and understanding more about ourselves, we can also combine that knowledge with other personality inventories in order to understand differences that exist within specific types. One personality inventory that combines particularly nicely with the ENFP personality is known as the Enneagram of Personality. This inventory presents nine different types (labeled types One through Nine) and each number represents a collection of basic fears and motivations that drive that particular type (Riso & Hudson, 1997). While the research correlating Myers-Briggs test results with the Enneagram test results is still in its infancy, most ENFPs claim to identify with either Enneagram Type 7 (The Enthusiast), Type 4 (The Individualist) or Type 2 (The Helpers). In order to delve deeper into the basic motivations of different ENFPs, the following chapter will examine the top three most common ENFP Enneagram types. Most ENFPs will find themselves relating to all three types in some regard, but will likely relate best or most fully to one.  TYPE 2 ENFPS: THE HELPERS Type 2 ENFPs are all about pursuing their vision of a kinder world. These ENFPs are particularly in touch with their introverted feeling and may be more comfortable expressing their emotions than their Type 7 or Type 4 counterparts. They place their loved ones at the center of their world and are incredibly nurturing of their personal relationships. This type may come across as warmer and bubblier than other ENFPs. They are the ultimate people-pleasers who will go out of their way to ensure that nobody thinks ill of them. They are often highly invested in their community and tend to channel their extroverted intuition towards visions of a more understanding world, where kindness and connection prevail. They are deeply empathetic towards others and display openness and vulnerability in their own lives, hoping to inspire others to feel comfortable doing the same. At their best, type 2 ENFPs are generous, selfless, compassionate and understanding. At their worst, they are blameful, demanding, self-pitying and desperate for attention. As with any ENFP, Type 2s require a significant amount of external validation – they need regular reminders from others that they’re good people who are worthy of love. As a result, this type may struggle to apply extroverted thinking to their judgments because introverted feeling is set on achieving validation from others at all costs. More so than other ENFP types, type 2s are likely to compromise their own desires in order to please others and receive positive validation. In an unhealthy state, Type 2 ENFPs project blame externally. They place fault on others for behaving immorally, being unappreciative of the ENFP and lacking compassion for others. It is of the utmost importance that the Type 2 ENFP continues to perceive himself or herself as a good and principled individual – they will cling to this belief about themselves at all costs. In a negative spiral, this type may be prone to bouts of intense hypochondria, as a subconscious means of gleaning attention from others and forcing their loved ones to nurture and take care of them, the way the ENFP feels they deserve to be taken care of. The Type 2 ENFP’s route to personal growth is through their extroverted thinking. By learning to temporarily detach from their need for validation, this type will steadily become more assertive, independent and – ironically – more principled.  TYPE 4 ENFPS: THE ARTISTS Type 4 ENFPs are all about dwelling in the deep end of their thoughts, feelings and personal truths. This type is particularly focused on authenticity and may be slightly more introverted than their Type 7 or Type 2 counterparts. They enjoy exploring the rich inner world of their introverted feeling and may use extroverted intuition as somewhat of a muse – using it to pull in new experiences to analyze and dissect. This type may come across as more tortured or conflicted than the average ENFP. They can be quite serious in nature and they long for profound connections with deep, intellectual personalities. They are particularly attracted to other artistic individuals – musicians, poets, painters, writers and other creative types, whom they often feel are the only people capable of truly understanding them. Type 4 ENFPs relish in creative expression and have little interest in conforming to societal norms – their authenticity is of the utmost importance to them. At their best, type 4 ENFPs are highly complex, creative, intelligent and in touch with their deepest thoughts and emotions. At their worst, they are spiteful, jealous, insecure and emotionally masochistic. The type 4 ENFP’s deepest fear is being average or insignificant. They wish to give back to the world through the gift of their rich creativity and they feel an intense need to have their true voice be heard. This type is usually incredibly artistically inclined and they bring their unique worldview to light through their art form of choice. They are the ultimate outside-the-box artists who charm and entice their audiences with wildly unique performances or products. In an unhealthy state, Type 4 ENFPs fall victim to the ‘Special Snowflake Syndrome.’ They feel the need to prove that they are deeper and more unique than those around them and they may subtly put down others for exhibiting commonplace or average behavior. They will go searching for external validation that they are interesting, authentic and deep and may lash out at others for failing to understand them. The Type 4 ENFP’s route to personal growth is through their extroverted thinking. This type grows through the realization that the world is not entirely subjective and that a degree of objective judgment can be applied to their thoughts and emotions – helping to keep them grounded in the physical world that surrounds them.  TYPE 7 ENFPS: THE ADVENTURERS Type 7 ENFPs are all about pursuing the next great adventure. These ENFPs are particularly focused on their extroverted intuition and may spend slightly more time engaged in the external realm of ideas and adventures than their type 4 and type 2 counterparts. They are fiercely fascinated by whatever it is that engages them in the moment and will explore new interests with an unrelenting vigor. These types may come across as slightly more aggressive than the average ENFP. They maintain a clear vision of what they want at all times, and are not afraid to step on a few toes to get it. They are kind and caring, but may not show you their soft side until you get to know them well, or until you require some sort of help from them. At their best, Type 7 ENFPs are bold, adventurous, decisive and capable. At their worst, they are avoidant, irresponsible, self-destructive and particularly prone to addiction. Type 7s turn to the outer world of adventures and opportunities to deal with internal problems. As a result, they may lose sync with their introverted feeling while under stress and be particularly prone to falling into dominant- tertiary loops (an unhealthy mental state in which the ENFP moves directly from their extroverted intuition to their extroverted thinking, without consulting their introverted feeling in between). The ENFP Type 7’s fatal flaw is escapism. This type may be particularly prone to flakey behavior as they move quickly between jobs, relationships and situations that do not suit them. They dislike dwelling in negative emotions and avoid them at absolutely all costs. This type of ENFP may have been raised in an environment where emotional expression was not appreciated or encouraged. They experience extreme difficulty processing negative emotions and may be particularly prone to physical manifestations of anxiety or stress. The Type 7 ENFP’s route to personal growth is through their introverted feeling. In order to become a more stable individual, Type 7 ENFPs need to learn to fully process their emotions and decide what they think or feel about a given situation before jumping into action.  APPLYING THE ENNEAGRAM For more information on the Enneagram of Personality, visit The Enneagram Institute Homepage at https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/. CHAPTER 4. 25 STRUGGLES ONLY ENFPS WILL UNDERSTAND ENFPs come in all shapes and sizes. Some of us are expressive and some of us are reserved. Some of us are adventurous and some of us are cautious. Some of us are Enneagram Types 2, 4 and 7 and some of us are Enneagram types 8, 3 and 9. But regardless of which behaviors we embody on the outside, there are a few joys and challenges that all of us inherently share. 1. Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations. Yes, I want to go to a party tonight. But a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life. 2. Being very socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic. This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to do so. 3. The constant tug-of-war between ‘YES, I WANT TO GO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW’ and ‘Wow, I need a lot of time to process these experiences, can I take a breather?’ 4. Having a thousand great ideas that you never follow through on. 5. Regularly forgetting that your physical needs exist. 6. Getting into the perfect job/relationship/groove and hearing that nagging voice in the back of your mind going “But maybe there’s something even BETTER out there…” 7. Constantly contradicting yourself because you genuinely see multiple sides to most situations. 8. Everyone thinking you’re flirting with them, all of the time. 9. Being a HUGE, UNSTOPPABLE FORCE of creativity and productivity… an hour before the deadline.  10. Getting bored 500 times faster than the average human being. 11. Constantly biting off more than you can chew… and then chewing it out of stubbornness. 12. Stressing out friends and acquaintances who don’t like straying from the original plan. 13. Working towards a constantly altering notion of your “ideal self.” 14. When you have to complete a task that you simply cannot find a way to make fun. 15. Begrudgingly identifying Peter Pan as your spirit animal. 16. People underestimating your intelligence because you lead with the fun, upbeat parts of your personality. 17. Needing significantly more alone time than other extraverts. 18. Others being surprised that you hold such strong opinions and beliefs, despite your easy-going nature. 19. Trying to explain to the people closest to you that yes, you love pretty much everyone, but you love them the MOST. 20. People thinking you’re looking for advice when you simply need to process things out loud. 21. Staying in bad relationships because you focus on how things COULD be rather than how they are. 22. Wanting to be alone… but like, with other people nearby. 23. Appearing shallow because of your tendency to flit from topic to topic in conversation, with lightning speed. 24. Having a fiercely independent streak… but getting bored without company. 25. Being a walking contradiction in almost every way, but knowing that you wouldn’t change a thing, even if you could.  PART 2 GROWING UP ENFP ENFPS ACROSS THE LIFESPAN “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” –E.E. Cummings Being an ENFP is a life sentence. Though personality type is theorized to not solidify until one’s teen years, ENFPs often begin showing traits of their unique personality type as young as preschool age. In childhood, ENFPs lead predominantly with extroverted intuition. They make for excitable, energetic children who are insatiably curious about the world around them. This type grows into their introverted feeling in adolescence and their extroverted thinking and introverted sensing follow suit in early to late adulthood (The Myers & Briggs Foundation, 2015). For the first two to three decades of their lives, ENFPs are likely to be most aware of their extroverted intuition and introverted feeling, as they are the primary functions they rely on.  ENFPS IN CHILDHOOD In some ways, childhood fits the ENFP personality immensely. This type is energetic, extroverted, explorative and insatiably curious – all traits that are expected and revered in children. In other ways, childhood has the potential to be a highly stressful experience for ENFPs. This type is both highly individualistic and highly independent. They dislike having limitations placed on their behaviors and may grow quickly frustrated with the lack of autonomy that childhood allows them. They may also experience conflict with family members who do not share the ENFP’s preference for intuition or perception, as their needs will not necessarily align with those of the rest of their family’s. As children, ENFPs are: Highly energetic in early childhood. Eager to see, touch and experience everything for themselves. Quick to question or refute rules and limitations. Independent to a fault. Insatiably curious – constantly probing for the ‘deeper meaning’ behind everything they experience and perceive. Extremely sensitive to criticism of any sort. Openly sensitive and emotional. Usually growing shyer and more reserved as childhood progresses. Wildly fantasy prone. Extremely individualistic. Often distrustful of or defiant towards authority. Occasionally frustrated by their inability to express themselves properly. Resistant to adhering to routines or participating in monotonous activities (such as repetitive chores). Common challenges ENFPs face in childhood: ENFPs are sharp and intelligent children, but they often feel unable to properly communicate their many ideas through the traditional education system. ENFP children may feel deeply misunderstood by their family or peers, who do not seem to think, feel or analyze anything as deeply as the ENFP does. ENFP children crave social interaction intensely but may feel shy and hesitant to initiate it. ENFP children may find themselves passionately interested in many subjects, but lacking the discipline or follow-through to pursue them to fruition. ENFPs learn through experience and may struggle with adhering to rules simply because they were told to do something a certain way. ENFPs have a short attention span and may experience difficulty paying attention in school or when working independently on assignments. ENFP children are highly perceptive of other peoples’ reactions to them. If those around them are unable to make sense of the ENFP’s erratic behavior, the ENFP is quick to pick up on this and may internalize the feeling that they are different or that something is wrong with them. Many ENFP children feel as though they have a deeper, ‘true’ version of themselves hiding beneath the surface that nobody really understands or cares to get to know. This can be a lonely or isolating experience for the ENFP child.  RAISING AN ENFP CHILD Bringing up an ENFP child is no easy feat. While these types are explorative, bright-eyed and sweet on their best days, they are bratty, temperamental and demanding on their worst. In raising an ENFP child, it is important to keep in mind that children of this type have two basic desires: To explore freely and to be understood deeply. The ENFP who feels supported, validated and understood by those around him or her is an ENFP who is likely to thrive. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you are raising an ENFP child: Participate in long conversations with your ENFP child. To you, they may seem to be blabbering aimlessly but to them, they are sharing their thoughts with you in an attempt to make a genuine connection. ENFP children require an excessive amount of positive affirmation. Remind the ENFP on a daily basis that you love and care for them. Take a genuine interest in their hobbies and projects, no matter how short-lived they are. Understand that the ENFP child lacks follow-through, but that this will come with age. Pushing them to continue with activities they have lost interest in will likely be a fruitless endeavor. Help your ENFP child to work backwards from his or her big ideas. If they are working on a project, allow them to complete it out of order and then help them fill in the details as they go. Allow the ENFP to explore each of their wild, fanciful ideas. Wait until their initial excitement has subsided to discuss the concrete realities of their ideas with them. Work with your ENFP child to complete school assignments if he or she is having trouble focusing. This type responds particularly well to positive mentorship. Accept that the ENFP child is going to have to learn most lessons the hard way. Give them the space to (safely) make their mistakes. When they have done something wrong, take the time to explain to the ENFP why the thing they have done is wrong and how it hurts or negatively affects others. Allow a little disorganization in the ENFP’s room. Clutter is psychologically comforting to this type in childhood and it’s important for them to have a physical space they can retreat to and feel comfortable within. Engage the ENFP’s spirit of adventure. Take them exploring to new areas of town or on small trips if you can afford it. This type thrives on exploration and a change in scenery is often all it takes to rejuvenate a distressed ENFP.  ENFPS AS TEENAGERS As ENFPs enter their teen years, their introverted feeling begins to develop in leaps and bounds. While late childhood may have presented a timid, shy version of the ENFP, their teenage years bring about a fiercely individualistic version. ENFP teenagers may feel overwhelmed by their sudden influx of emotion and feel genuinely out of control of their own mood swings. As their introverted feeling develops, the ENFP’s childish curiosity will morph into a philosophical exploration of the world around them. The ENFP teenager may find themselves probing each new experience for the ‘deeper’ meaning behind it. The more they take in, the more they will begin to form definitive thoughts and opinions on moral issues. They may become particularly defensive about their beliefs at this age and develop a keen argumentative streak. In their late teen years, ENFPs will likely become preoccupied by visions of their adult life. They may feel frustrated and constrained by their lack of independence and wish desperately to get their ‘real life’ started. ENFP teens are likely to take an intense interest in the possibilities that exist for them in the future and may change their life plan an exorbitant amount of times, much to the distress of their parents and mentors. Common challenges ENFPs face as teenagers: Experiencing intense emotional ups and downs that they feel largely unable to control. Wanting to be popular with peers but not wanting to compromise their core values or their authenticity. Experiencing difficulty balancing their need for social time with their newfound need for alone time. Feeling incredibly lonely or isolated if they lack intuitive friends or mentors. Growing into the understanding that they are ‘not like’ other people but failing to understand exactly why.  Having a wide range of interests but lacking the follow-through to pursue any of them to fruition. Having a clear vision of what they’d like for the future but lacking the resources to pursue that vision. Possessing the ability to think deeply about complex issues, but lacking the ability to convey their thoughts and opinions through a traditional system of education. Feeling wildly motivated yet intensely disorganized on a mental, physical and emotional level. The majority of issues that plague teenage ENFPs are born from their inability to concretely organize their emotions, visions and dreams. In their late teen years and throughout their twenties, ENFPs finally begin to develop extroverted thinking, which helps them to balance their erratic thoughts and emotions with concrete actions. In the meantime, ENFP teens may benefit from seeking out an older mentor of their same personality type. This will help them to feel less isolated in their way of thinking and will also help them to understand how their wild ideals can be structured and carried out in an organized fashion.  ENFPS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD “You must be the person you have never had the courage to be. Gradually, you will discover that you are that person, but until you can see this clearly, you must pretend and invent.” –Paulo Coelho Early adulthood is usually a time of excitement and vast exploration for the ENFP. They are finally granted the independence they have longed for and they want to waste no time getting out and experiencing the world in full force. Between the ages of 18 and 30, ENFPs develop their tertiary function, extroverted thinking. Extroverted thinking helps the ENFP balance their emotional highs and lows, organizes their visions into concrete actions and helps them to make confident decisions regarding their long-term goals and plans. Of course, extroverted thinking does not develop all at once. The ENFP will likely spend their late teens and early twenties letting their extroverted intuition and introverted feeling run wild. They are likely to experiment with various partners, interests, beliefs, career paths, locations, ideals, identities and plans for the future. They may change their major several times in college. They may work countless different jobs in quick succession. They may fall in and out of love with various different people. The young adult ENFP is inspired by the world that surrounds him or her and wants to experience it all in full force. Ironically, the rampant exploration of different thoughts and feelings is exactly what the ENFP needs in order to properly develop their tertiary extroverted thinking. The more experiences they take in, the greater their frame of experiential reference becomes and the more judgment they are able to apply to future decisions. As the ENFP develops their extroverted thinking function, their behavior becomes steadily more focused and assertive. Rather than floundering from experience to experience, they will develop a clearer vision of what they want and will begin to develop a ‘go-getter’ attitude. The ENFP may find themselves able to make decisions and follow through on their goals for the first time in their lives. Though they will still be highly perceptive of the possibilities that are available to them, ENFPs will find it increasingly easier to make decisions and follow through on ideas as they age. This will likely come as a major relief to both the ENFP and those in their lives. Though it is usually a time of exciting exploration for the ENFP, early adulthood is certainly not without its struggles. Common challenges ENFPs face in early adulthood: Struggling to focus their attention throughout college or University in classes that are taught in a traditional lecture format. Struggling to commit to romantic relationships. Feeling indecisive about which educational or career path to follow. Tiring quickly of new jobs and relationships. Feeling limited by or resistant to the “9-5” workweek that they are expected to adhere to. The majority of the challenges that ENFPs face in their twenties relate back to their inability to narrow down the excess of possibilities that are available to them. Though their extroverted thinking helps them to achieve the visions of what they want, they still have not fully developed their introverted sensing, which keeps them grounded and helps them to stick affirmatively to decisions.  ENFPS IN ADULTHOOD From the age of approximately thirty onwards, ENFPs begin to develop their inferior function, introverted sensing. This function provides balance and direction to their dominant extroverted intuition and helps the ENFP to follow through on decisions and plans. In this phase of their lives, ENFPs may find themselves becoming increasingly able to stick with decisions and see their ideas through to fruition. As they age, ENFPs will become increasingly comfortable with routine and traditional methods of accomplishing tasks. They may finally feel ready to settle down and start a family (if that is what they wish to do) or to pursue a single career path for an extended period of time. The development of introverted sensing will also manifest in the form of health-consciousness – the ENFP will become increasingly perceptive of their physical needs and will likely begin taking significantly better care of their health. The ENFP is likely to feel steadily more at peace with themselves – both mentally and physically – as they age. While adulthood brings about a variety of changes in the ENFP’s erratic nature, this type does not ever grow out of their core personality. ENFPs will always be the passionate, eccentric, idealistic inspirers they were born as. And if they’re being honest with themselves, they wouldn’t have it any other way. GROWING UP INTUITIVE IN A WORLD OF SENSORS “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” –Albert Einstein Because sensing types make up the majority of the population, many young ENFPs find themselves being raised in families made up entirely of sensing types. While contrasts in personality can certainly be beneficial in many ways, young ENFPs often report feeling somewhat ‘crazy’ or out of place in their sensory-oriented families. They may feel similarly out of place at school or around peers – perceiving themselves to be slightly different from the majority of people around them, but not being able to pinpoint exactly how or why.  10 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU’RE AN INTUITIVE IN A FAMILY OF SENSORS 1. Whenever you asked “why” as a kid, you got a completely different answer than what you were expecting. When you asked, “why is the boy on TV sad,” you already knew it was because someone kicked him. What you really wanted to know is why bad things happen to good people and whether or not there’s a karmic balance to the Universe. Unfortunately it’s difficult to phrase those questions when you are four. 2. So. Much. Family. Gossip. It’s not that you don’t want to know about what’s going on with your family. It’s just that you want to know different parts of what’s going on with your family. “Your cousin Sally started working at the nursery!” Is not of great interest to you. What are Sally’s aspirations? Where does she see herself in ten years? What is it about human nature that compels us to nurture our young with a sense of unending compassion? These seem to be more relevant questions. But we’re already onto your cousin Kelly, who is dating someone new. 3. What you are doing will always be of infinitely greater interest to your family than what you are thinking. When your parents call, they want to know three things: Are you keeping warm, are you making enough money to remain alive and have you eaten any vegetables this week? What’s on your mind is not important. It can be frustrating at times but you have to admit… you do occasionally forget to eat your veggies. 4. In order to be taken seriously, you have to show rather than tell. Sensors place more weight on what you do than what you talk about. So if you want your family to appreciate your interest in science, you’re going to have to first achieve distinction from an accredited University and publish several wildly successful scientific papers. Then – and only then – will your family give weight to what you have to say about the scientific theory you’ve had the same opinion on for years. 5. Your definition of ‘family bonding’ is wildly different than your family’s definition. Your definition of ‘bonding time’ involves sharing ideas, discussing theories and coming to deeply understand each other’s core motivations and beliefs. Your family’s definition of ‘bonding time’ is going ice-skating together. Tomato, tomato. 6. Trying to discuss your feelings is a stressful experience for everyone. For sensors, feelings are a matter of cause-and-effect. If you can’t relate a particular feeling you’re having to a specific, tangible experience that necessitated it, your family has a tough time understanding why you’re feeling the way you are. The good news is, feelings are often related to specific, tangible events. And it may just take a conversation with a sensor to make you realize that your problem isn’t quite as complex as you thought it was. 7. If you’re not doing something physical, it’s assumed you’re doing nothing. Reading up on a topic that you’re interested in is considered ‘doing nothing’ with your day. Going to soccer practice is considered doing something. Go figure. 8. You genuinely question your own sanity at times. Because they’re highly in tune with their environments (at least compared to intuitives), sensors usually come off as significantly more levelheaded than intuitives. Intuitives spend their time wrapped up in the world of thoughts and possibilities – and can subsequently work themselves into mind funks that sensors just cannot… well, make sense of. When an intuitive spends enough time around non-intuitives, it becomes incredibly easy to start questioning their own sanity. After all, nobody else seems to be troubled by the sort of theoretical problems that keep you awake at night. Is something deeply wrong with you? 9. You relate so hard to Calvin in Calvin & Hobbes it hurts. Our favorite little ENTP comic-book character offers the perfect depiction of what it’s like to be an N-dominant child growing up in a family of sensors. No wonder he had to imagine himself an intuitive tiger friend. We all could have used a little Hobbes growing up. 10. At the end of the day, you have to admit that you couldn’t have done it without them. If there’s anything we can all agree on, it’s that the world needs a mix of both sensors and intuitives. And in your case, sensors are the reason you’re the person you are today – they made sure you were fed, clothed, well-rested and cared for in a way that does not come naturally to you. And it’s hard to complain about that.  30 ENFPS SHARE WHAT THEY’D TELL THEIR YOUNGER SELVES “Don’t waste your time trying to live an average life. You aren’t average. And that is your greatest advantage.” “Some people are going to like your chipper personality and enthusiasm, some people are going to be really annoyed by it. Don’t let the people who don’t like you change who you are. In order to meet people like yourself, you have to act like yourself.” “The insights your intuition gives you are valid even if others can’t comprehend them and you’re not really aware of how you know them either.” “YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. I promise.” “There are many, many awesome people out there who will get you. They might space out their arrivals but they’re coming.” “Never be ashamed of being passionate about everything. Or getting excited about all of the things. Fall leaves? EXCITED. Animals? EXCITED. My enthusiasm is invigorating. Those who can’t handle it will eventually stay away and that’s 100% okay.” “For some people it IS better to do a hundred things with mediocrity than one thing to an exceptional level.” “The things you naturally excel at cannot be taught in school or tested on an exam.”  “That the reason you can’t plan an essay the way that others do isn’t because your mind goes blank – but because thinks of too much at once and explodes in all directions. Get a sheet of paper (or a blank screen) and write down ALL of it, even the stupid stuff that seems irrelevant. It’s far easier to rearrange from something than nothing. Start in the middle, work backwards, forwards and sideways. Because if you try to start at the beginning, you’ll never write anything.” “You don’t have ADHD, you have ENFP.” “It’s okay, nay, essential to live by who you are instead of conforming to other’s perceptions of what you should be. Being scattered doesn’t mean you’re messed up, being excited about everything doesn’t make you shallow, and wanting to go everywhere doesn’t make you short-sighted. There are strengths in all of these places that you will eventually embrace as some of your greatest talents!” “It’s OK to be a big feeler. You don’t need to learn to ‘feel less’, but rather how to effectively manage feeling everything in life on a big scale.” “You don’t have to be best friends with EVERYBODY. Alone time is both important and necessary to your mental health.” “Trust your gut about what you want to do in life. You will regret listening to those who push you toward a more ‘dependable’ degree.” “Although you are easily distracted and have a short attention span, you have the ability to be incredibly productive when you decide to. You can accomplish all of your goals, as long as you REALLY put yourself up to the  task.” “Something good for the world can come from you, not just in spite of your differences, but because of them.” “Just because your family doesn’t understand you and thinks something is seriously wrong with you, doesn’t mean it’s true. It’s hard, not being able to trust your own parents like that, but don’t let it get you down or keep you shy and silent. Know that you can take your life into your own hands.” “You are not wrong or bad. Your nature isn’t bad. You are not a bad person.” “You will be restless your entire life… and that doesn’t make you crazy. You fit in everywhere but don’t fit in anywhere… and that doesn’t make you crazy. You see the world completely differently than most people, which means most people won’t get you… but that doesn’t make you crazy. Just because you don’t function well in the traditional education system, doesn’t make you unintelligent…nor does it make you crazy.” “It is entirely plausible to be a shy extrovert. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you!” “One day you will find other intuitive people who will love you and accept you for who you are and they will encourage you to be the best and truest you, you can be.” “It’s totally fine to feel joyful one moment, then morose the next. It’s completely fine to crave for some adrenaline or any sense of adventure one day, and seek for solitude and silence the next. No matter how contradicting you feel you are towards your own feelings and emotions, deep down, you truly possess a strong and vibrant personality, while being sensitive and artistic at the same time. Ultimately, you are unique, highly imaginative, inspiring, overwhelming and simply awesome as an ENFP.” “Your definition of success is different than other peoples. For some, it’s about the money in their pay check. For you, it’s about happiness, well-being, morality and passion.” “It’s okay to not want stability and to long for excitement. It’s also okay to crave stability deep down. It is possible to find a balance, it just may take a long time to achieve it.” “The grass is always going to look greener, even when your own lawn is luscious.” “It’s ok to be so much more introverted than other extroverts and to need to crawl into your little cave after intense communication. Fluctuations in mood and energy are natural to your type. You shouldn’t force yourself to enjoy Excel tables and schedules and planned tasks, but focus on your personal strengths instead. Order and predictability are not your cup of tea. You can achieve more by inspiring and supporting your peers and subordinates than by trying to bite off more than you can personally chew.” “It’s okay to get excited and passionate about ALL the things and keep moving through new ideas. The best ideas will stick around.” “Just because your thought process is different doesn’t mean it’s any less valid. You’re smarter than yourself and others think.”  “THERE ISN’T ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Your wanderlust isn’t something that you need to beat down. Your constant need for stimulation doesn’t make you stupid. You’re just a person who needs to be constantly engaged with life.” “It is possible to find peace within the chaos of your mind.”  PART 3 ENFPS IN THE WORKPLACE ENFPS AT WORK “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” –Howard Thurman ENFPs approach work the way they approach everything else – with optimism, enthusiasm and determination. True to the ENFP form, this type is all about variety in the workplace. Many ENFPs find it difficult to choose just one career path and they may elect to change fields various times over the span of their professional lives. Because they are motivated by challenge and authenticity, the ENFP is likely to excel in just about any role that they feel strongly about. ENFPs commonly report being employed in the following fields: Counseling Education Marketing Entrepreneurship Human Resources Journalism Ministry Academia While one’s Myers-Briggs type can certainly reveal a great deal about one’s strengths and weaknesses in the workplace, it doesn’t particularly help discriminate which career path would be best suited for each type. The ENFP in particular may experience a great deal of confusion over which field to choose, as many of them tend to be a “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Luckily, this type possesses a strong drive to excel. Because they are incredibly self-motivated, the single most important aspect for any ENFP to consider while choosing a career path is whether or not their chosen profession excites and inspires them. If so, the ENFP will do whatever it takes to excel in the workplace. If not, they are unlikely to last long in the field. Regardless of which career path they choose, there are a few crucial components that the ENFP requires from their workplace in order to stay engaged and involved day to day.  WHAT EVERY ENFP NEEDS FROM THEIR CAREER 1. Challenge And Variety. It’s no secret that ENFPs bore quickly. In order to thrive professionally, this type is best suited for a role that provides them with a steady stream of novel challenges to rise to. They feel invigorated by taking on new clients, projects and cases. This type never wants to have the same workday twice! 2. External Structure. Though their own work tends to be creative and unstructured, ENFPs actually function best within a system of external order. As long as they are given autonomy, most ENFPs report thriving in workplaces that are predominantly made up of judgers. The structure that judgers create is comforting to the ENFP and it allows them to fully engage their creative side. Additionally, follow-through is not the ENFP’s strong suit. The ideal workplace for this type is one in which they can serve as an idea-generator and their more routine-oriented coworkers can see those ideas to fruition. 3. Autonomy. ENFPs despise feeling constrained or controlled in any way, so having autonomy in the workplace is an absolute must for them. Many ENFPs choose to enter into entrepreneurial fields and work as their own bosses. Others seek out positions that allow them the opportunity to thrive creatively under loose supervision. Because this type is so self-motivated, they often require very little supervision in the workplace. They are best suited with an employer who understands and appreciates this! 4. Connection. The ideal career for an ENFP is one that makes them feel as though they’re making a genuine difference in the lives of others. ENFPs thrive on connection – they seek to form meaningful relationships with their clients and coworkers alike, in order to help them in as significant a manner as possible. Isolated, technical or impersonal work is likely to drain the ENFP over an extended period of time. 5. Authenticity. Above all else, the ENFP needs to feel as though they’re staying true to themselves through their work. This type is governed by a strong set of morals, which urges them to make a difference in the world in whichever way they personally see fit. ENFPs are big-picture people, who need to feel connected to and motivated by their job on a personal level. If they perceive their work to be meaningful, they’ll throw their all into it. Otherwise, they’ll waste no time leaving to pursue a new career.  STRENGTHS OF THE ENFP IN THE WORKPLACE ENFPs make for dedicated, passionate and all-around delightful workers. They are highly inventive individuals who are intrinsically motivated to realize their full potential professionally. Bosses and co-workers alike tend to rave about their ENFP colleagues, who go out of their way to make the workplace an enjoyable place to be for everyone. Some of the key strengths that ENFPs bring to the workplace are as follows: ENFPs are incredibly adaptable and can pick up a wide range of new skills with ease. ENFPs are friendly and charming; possessing the unique ability to make coworkers and clients feel comfortable around them almost instantly. ENFPs love a challenge and will work tirelessly toward absolutely any goal that inspires them. ENFPs are creative thinkers who are skilled at contriving novel solutions to complex problems. ENFPs tend to personally invest themselves in their workplace and they make for loyal and driven employees. ENFPs are highly independent workers who require little instruction or motivation to get a job done well. ENFPs possess the impressive ability to analyze all sides of a given situation and see the ‘bigger picture,’ which helps them get down to the heart of important matters quickly. ENFPs are highly enthusiastic and are particularly adept at riling up and motivating other workers. ENFPs make for confident and enthusiastic presenters, who feel at ease in front of a crowd. ENFPs think best on their feet and work well under pressure. When a job needs to get done quickly, creatively and effectively, you want an ENFP on your team!  CHALLENGES THE ENFP FACES IN THE WORKPLACE Like any other type, ENFPs face a unique set of challenges in the workplace. While they do make for dedicated and enthusiastic workers, this type tends to struggle with diligence and follow-through in the workplace. A few of the challenges ENFPs may face in their professional lives are as follows: ENFPs strongly dislike repetitive tasks and may struggle to continuously perform the mundane aspects of their jobs. ENFPs thrive when they are given autonomy and may feel stifled while working under close supervision. ENFPs may experience difficulty prioritizing tasks, as they tend to gravitate toward the ones that they find the most interesting, regardless of their urgency. ENFPs may get sidetracked while working on long-term projects and experience difficulty following them through to fruition. ENFPs may over-estimate their abilities and bite off more than they can chew in the workplace. ENFPs are highly sensitive to criticism and may struggle with receiving negative feedback in the workplace. ENFPs may experience difficulty adhering to deadlines and fail to complete projects within the expected timeframe. In positions of management, the ENFP may struggle to provide an adequate amount of structure to subordinates who require a high level of instruction and supervision. If they fail to find their career adequately challenging or interesting, the ENFP is likely to leave their job to pursue alternate possibilities. They will do this as many times as necessary and are at risk of spending the majority of their professional lives hopping from job to job.  TIPS FOR WORKPLACE SUCCESS AS AN ENFP Work backwards from your big ideas. ENFPs tend to grasp the big picture with ease, but have trouble narrowing their visions down into smaller, workable doses. Rather than attempting to complete projects in a linear manner (that is, starting at the beginning and following it sequentially to completion), the ENFP may benefit from starting with their biggest, ‘meatiest’ ideas and allowing the details to fall naturally into place as they go. Surround yourself with coworkers whose strengths are your weaknesses. Some of the greatest assets any ENFP has in the workplace are their colleagues. The ENFP is a natural team player and they are likely to benefit immensely from combining their big-picture ideals with the detail-orientation and follow-through of sensing, judging types. By surrounding themselves with those whose strengths are their weakness (and vice versa), the ENFP will set themselves up for professional success. Break long-term tasks down into a series of mini-challenges. ENFPs who are faced with long-term tasks may quickly lose interest and fall victim to intense bouts of procrastination. To avoid this, the ENFP can break long-term tasks down into a series of small challenges – each of which has a strict due date. They will keep themselves inspired by the challenge of rising to each new task and completing it under the pressure of an upcoming deadline. Hold yourself publicly accountable for following through on projects. Since disciplining themselves to follow through on long-term goals may be difficult for the ENFP, they may elect to hold themselves publicly accountable for completing mini-tasks. Because the ENFP hates letting others down, he or she is likely to feel particularly motivated to complete a task if others are holding them accountable for it. Learn to embrace and grow from criticism. When receiving constructive criticism from colleagues or bosses, keep in mind that they are providing you with feedback because they value your work and see opportunities for growth within you. They are harnessing your positive potential! Try to momentarily detach from criticism when you receive it – look at the objective facts that are being presented to you and visualize the opportunities for advancement that exist within them. If you are able to turn feedback into a challenge to rise to, it may help you feel inspired rather than offended by it. Play from your strengths. While setting deadlines, receiving criticism and surrounding oneself with judging types are likely to aid the ENFP throughout the course of their career, the most important thing to keep in mind is that in order to flourish professionally, the ENFP needs to choose a role that maximizes their strengths. This type feeds off positive energy, so the more they are able to accomplish from a place of authenticity, the better they will be at dealing with the mundane aspects of their job. When they throw their heart fully into work, the ENFP is capable of excelling at just about any career they choose. CHAPTER 8. ENFP TESTIMONIALS “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.” –Robert A. Heinlein Rather than compiling a list of possible career choices for the ENFP (because the list would be endless), I decided to go straight to the horse’s mouth and ask other ENFPs what they’re currently doing for work. Unsurprisingly, the jobs were incredibly varied – ENFPs seem to be represented in almost every field imaginable. What most of the responses did have in common was this – almost every ENFP was happy with the career they’d chosen. Many reported a history of changing jobs before finding the one that worked best for them. ENFPs are willing to attempt, experiment and move from job to job until they eventually find what works. And once they do, they hit their stride with ease. ENFPs make for passionate workers who consider their jobs to be an extension of themselves. “I’m currently working as a social worker in addictions counseling. I’m very happy to see such intimate sides of people and support them in their growth. I draw a sense of meaning out of being that close to life – all of its beauty and its ugliness. After all, my greatest aspiration is to make my community a better place to be in.” –Salome, 26 “I’m a property developer! I love spotting opportunities, designing floor plans and doing interior design – these components engage my extroverted intuition and introverted feeling. The camaraderie on site is fun and things can progress very quickly! I have a great team of guys who do the skilled labor and co-ordination. Every day is different and I love running spontaneous errands, designing, creative problem solving and being adaptable. I also manage the budget, which is challenging but rewarding. It engages my extroverted thinking and introverted sensing.” –Sarah, 40 “I’m a grad student in music, but I also work as a career advisor for undergrad students in the College of Arts and Humanities at my university. I work with students to find them internships and I critique resumes and cover letters. I love the job because it is constantly changing and there’s always something new to do! I’m still just finishing my training, but already I’ve sat in on student appointments with my boss and started editing stuff myself. I’ve also gotten to write promo tweets for our upcoming events, and done some Internet sleuthing to compile contact info for arts directors from local colleges. There’s enough variety to keep me from getting bored and I thrive on all the people interaction. It also helps that everyone in my office is SUPER friendly and fun to work with! I’m fairly certain that my job is ENFP heaven.” -Devon, 25 “I started my career as a radio DJ and loved it. Being live on air allowed me to be very spontaneous – I had no set playlist and could play whatever I felt like on any particular day. I then continued on with music journalism. But eventually bills needed paying and music journalism alone wasn’t an option as a career, so I did “classical” newsroom journalism for several years, eventually ascending to the managing editor position. I didn’t fully enjoy newsroom work. Producing a daily paper is boring – it’s a routine like factory work or accounting. Finally I switched to PR – doing agency work, which is almost never boring – and have been doing it for 8 years now. This work always encouraged me to hop from one subject to the next in no time at all – like giving a lecture on media and public performance for Estonian Bar  Association in the