The Introvert's Edge to Networking PDF

 PRAISE FOR THE INTROVERT’S EDGE TO NETWORKING “This is the networking blueprint that will change your life—a proven approach written by someone who’s actually done it. If you’re looking for an actionable guide to genuine and effective networking, this is it.” —Neil Patel, Cofounde...

 PRAISE FOR THE INTROVERT’S EDGE TO NETWORKING “This is the networking blueprint that will change your life—a proven approach written by someone who’s actually done it. If you’re looking for an actionable guide to genuine and effective networking, this is it.” —Neil Patel, Cofounder of NP Digital, Wall Street Journal Top Influencer, Forbes Top 10 Marketer, and New York Times Bestselling Author “I often say that the secret to winning is helping others win, a philosophy clearly shared by Pollard. For introverts who shudder at the idea of working a room, this refreshing guide is a long-awaited answer. Embrace this practical and proven method for creating powerful, authentic, and mutually beneficial connections.” —Marshall Goldsmith, Thinkers50 Hall of Fame Inductee, and New York Times Bestselling Author of Triggers, MOJO, and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There “As Matthew Pollard so adeptly explains, successful networking isn’t about trying to be someone you’re not but using your natural gifts to become who you were always meant to be. Sage advice for all entrepreneurs!” —Michael E. Gerber, Creator of the New York Times mega-bestselling E-Myth books “As an introvert myself, I founded BNI as a way to add structure to the uncomfortable process of networking. Matthew’s guidance takes this concept of framework and standardization to the next level, offering a meaningful strategy that works in any room, for any introverted business professional.” —Dr. Ivan Misner, Founder of BNI and New York Times Bestselling Author “Step by step, Pollard teaches introverts how to master networking and authentically build a community of mutually supportive contacts. A must-read for anyone looking for an achievable and practical framework for creating productive professional relationships.” —Mark Roberge, Senior Lecturer at Harvard Business School, Managing Director of Stage 2 Capital, and Former CRO of HubSpot “Matthew Pollard provides a winning formula for creating powerful, authentic connections. He masterfully confronts the stigma around the so-called extroverted arena of networking, demonstrating that introverts have exactly what it takes to outshine everyone else in the room.” —Derek Lidow, Chair of the Entrepreneurship Faculty, Princeton University, and Author of Startup Leadership and Building on Bedrock “Matthew Pollard is emerging as America’s #1 introvert converter. Focusing on the value of networking as an introvert, he will give you ideas and strategies to beat the extroverts, every time.” —Jeffrey Gitomer, Author of the Little Red Book of Selling “A smart, motivating, and practical system for getting influential connections excited about promoting you and your work. Using a combination of generosity, authenticity, strategy, and a heartfelt desire to help others, Matthew shows introverts how to turn networking from dreadful and pointless to profitable and valuable. Best of all, I have personally experienced how Matthew lives out the words in this book. I can say wholeheartedly that if you practice what this book teaches, you will grow and serve others like never before.” —Tom Ziglar, CEO of Ziglar, Inc. “Matthew Pollard’s entertaining and clever book on how introverts can network successfully has a hidden bonus. It also offers leaders guidance on how to create truly inclusive teams and cultures— where both extroverts and introverts thrive.” —Michael C. Bush, Global CEO of Great Place to Work® “A must for any professional, The Introvert’s Edge to Networking breaks through long-believed myths and explains exactly why introverts are perfectly suited to mastering the room. Matthew shows you how to develop relationships that will change your life!” —Tom Dekle, Vice President of Digital Sales at IBM, AA-ISP Board Member, and Inside Sales Lifetime Achievement Recipient “Imagine going into a networking room knowing exactly who you’re going to speak to, exactly what you’ll say, and exactly how you’ll follow up. Imagine confidently building a network of supportive, mutually beneficial contacts who love your work and are willing to go to bat for you. Now read this book and make it happen.” —Verne Harnish, Founder of Entrepreneurs’ Organization and Author of Scaling Up “If you have an exceptional offering, yet no one ‘gets it,’ Pollard’s book is for you.” —Mike Michalowicz, Author of Fix This Next and Profit First “As a digital marketer, I know how crucial it is to validate your message in the real world before taking it online. But as an introvert, I also know how unbearable it can be to actually work the room. Pollard’s brilliant system gives you the best of both worlds—a foolproof way to network strategically while getting your message exactly right.” —Ryan Deiss, CEO of DigitalMarketer.com “I always suggest that my students and small business clients focus on strategy in any business endeavor. When it comes to networking, though, there’s a misconception that it’s all about personality; strategy is a distant second, if it’s mentioned at all. Pollard upends this paradigm, showing that win-win networking can be systemized and mastered by even the quietest introverts. This book will help you portray the best, most confident version of yourself in the most important component of personal and business success—effective networking.” —Greg Tucker, State Director of Small Business Development Centers, Missouri “As an introvert myself, I know that many of us struggle to comfortably and authentically develop connections. Pollard provides a clear-eyed, practical guide for introverts who want to network their way to new heights.”  —Dorie Clark, Thinkers50 Top Business Thinker, HBR Contributor and Bestselling Author “Through multiple engaging stories, Matthew Pollard shares practical advice to help introverts use their strengths to build their personal and professional networks. If you find networking a dreadful, but necessary, chore, Matthew will provide you with useful strategies and language to make the process much more accessible.” —Nancy Ancowitz, Author of Self-Promotion for Introverts® “The tactical, practical, and highly actionable advice Pollard provides introverts will not only arm them with science-backed processes and greater networking success but will, dare I say it, leave the extroverts shaking their heads, wondering how they can capture some of this magic.” —Anthony Iannarino, Author of The Only Sales Guide You’ll Ever Need and Cofounder of the OutBound Conference “In this fresh and original book, Matthew challenges all our preconceptions about what makes a successful networker. Destined to be a classic in business and self-help literature.” —Judy Robinett, Author of How to Be a Power Connector (listed as the best business book of 2014 by Inc. and a must-read book by Success magazine) “Being an introvert can be your superpower, especially if you use it to your advantage. Pollard shows you how to channel your networking efforts into actionable steps through a perfect combination of authenticity and ambition.” —Tiffani Bova, Global Growth Evangelist at Salesforce and the Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of Growth IQ “In this highly readable and engaging book, Pollard shares how introverts can painlessly and enjoyably build valuable relationships and business connections. This networking system will change your professional life.” —Jake Tatel, one of the world’s leading technology innovators “As an introverted executive operating in a seemingly extroverted world, I struggle with many of the challenges that Pollard outlines in The Introvert’s Edge to Networking. Using real-world examples and powerful evidence, this book has given me the tools to leverage authenticity and take a smarter approach to optimize my networking ability.” —Donald Thomas, Vice President and General Manager of Bloomberg Government “Introverts know that networking is crucial to career success, yet they are rightly reluctant to morph into extroverts to get it done. This engaging book draws from the author’s own learnings and the struggles and triumphs of others to show us how introverts can use their natural strengths to become superb networkers.” —Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, PhD, CSP, and Bestselling Author of Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces and The Introverted Leader “Thanks to the strategies you’ll discover in this book, my team dramatically increased donations without feeling uncomfortable. If you’re looking for a way to help your team have the right conversations and raise the critical dollars needed to support your cause, this is it.” —Jennifer Stolo, Chapter President and CEO of the Make-A-Wish Foundation OceanofPDF.com OceanofPDF.com  © 2021 Matthew Pollard All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published by HarperCollins Leadership, an imprint of HarperCollins Focus LLC. Any internet addresses, phone numbers, or company or product information printed in this book are offered as a resource and are not intended in any way to be or to imply an endorsement by HarperCollins Leadership, nor does HarperCollins Leadership vouch for the existence, content, or services of these sites, phone numbers, companies, or products beyond the life of this book. ISBN 978-1-4002-1669-7 (eBook) ISBN 978-1-4002-1668-0 (HC) ISBN 978-1-4002-2491-3 (ITPE) Epub Edition November 2020 9781400216697 Library of Congress Control Number: 2020946152 Printed in the United States of America 20 21 22 23 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 OceanofPDF.com To my Rapid Growth Academy and Intensive students, who trust me with their businesses and their lives. It’s been my honor to help you achieve your dreams. OceanofPDF.com Wars are won in the general’s tent. —STEPHEN COVEY OceanofPDF.com  CONTENTS Cover Title Page Copyright Foreword by Jeb Blount 1 Why Introverts Make Better Networkers How Did We Get into This Mess? Stop Copying the Extroverts Changing the Balance You’re Never Too Old to Network Networking Success as a Bank Employee Networking Out of Your Hoodie The Introvert’s Edge® Networking System 2 Channeling Your Superpower Do What You Love, Love What You Do The Bull-Riding Insurance Salesman Put All Your Eggs in One Basket Lighting Your Fire 3 You Can’t Please Everyone Beyond Your Niche The Basics of Niching Making the Tough Call Know Your Difference 4 We All Tell Stories We All Tell Stories The Science of Storytelling Using Stories in Business  The Structure of a Good Story 5 Our Difference Defines Us The Mistake That Changed Everything Get Invited to Share The Fear of Standing Out Crafting Your Own Unified Message Ignore the Ones You Love 6 Speak to the Right People You Never Know Who You’re Going to Meet Avoiding Tunnel Vision Givers, Takers, and Balance-Sheet Makers How I Learned to Network Do Your Research Before You Get in the Room 7 What to Do in the Room Prepare for Networking Success How to Invite Conversations Don’t Try to Land the Deal End with a Plan A Tale of Two Networkers Practice, Practice, Practice 8 The Step Everyone Forgets Follow-Up for Champions Follow-Up for Momentum Partners Follow-Up for Prospects 9 The Feedback Factory Validation The Factory Line 10 The Digital Frontier My Own Fear of Going Online You Have the Elements for Online Success Acknowledgments Index Bonus: Your Exclusive Invitation About the Author OceanofPDF.com  FOREWORD BY JEB BLOUNT When the phone rang, I happened to be the one on my team to answer. The person on the other end of the line worked at a nonprofit and wanted some sales training for his team. “How much is it?” he immediately asked. “Well, let me ask you a couple of questions first to make sure we’re the right fit for each other,” I said, artfully dodging the question. “Let’s start with this: what is it about the work you do that’s so meaningful for you?” For the next forty-five minutes, I barely said a word. I let him tell me about his passion, his work, and his people. At the end of it, he said, “Look, I have this much money—can you do it for that?” Without me really doing or saying anything, the prospect went from asking, “How much does it cost?” to “Would you take my money, please?” We introverts have a natural ability that gives us the edge over extroverts. And, yes, you read that right. I, Jeb Blount—worldwide sales speaker and trainer, bestselling sales author, and cofounder of the global sales conference OutBound—am an introvert. In a roomful of people, I’m not naturally going around shaking hands. I’m not great in social situations. I don’t like large crowds, and I don’t like small talk. I like being by myself. In fact, when Matthew and I first met, we joked about how we lead such public business lives but, in private, prefer to live quietly. In the entire course of my professional sales career, I may have taken two client lunches. I never went golfing, never went with clients to sporting events. I never did anything all the extroverts were doing, and yet I was always the number one salesperson in every position at every company I worked for, breaking previous records and setting new ones, some of which still stand to this day. What’s the secret advantage we introverts have? The truth is, the most important skill in sales, as in networking, is listening. That’s something introverts are great at. The reason I don’t come across as an introvert to my customers is that instead of being shy and awkward like a typical introvert, I appear relaxed and confident like a typical extrovert. I’m able to control a situation in which so many people, especially introverts, feel out of control. Sales isn’t an extroverted mask I put on. It’s a linear system I follow. This is exactly why I hit it off with Matthew the moment I met him: He takes a systems approach to sales, too, as he showed in his first book, The Introvert’s Edge: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone. While there are more successful introverted salespeople out there than most people suspect, Matthew was the first one who truly championed what many of us believed, that introverts make the best salespeople! It’s about time someone said it: with the right system, introverts can go toe to toe with extroverts and beat them every time. Now, Matthew has done it again with his next book in The Introvert’s Edge series, this time on networking. He’s taken another area in which most introverts feel completely out of control, and mapped out a step-by-step process that channels our natural strengths and provides a process to overcome our shortcomings. It’s a totally different way of networking, created from an introvert’s point of view. It doesn’t force us to be something we’re not. He doesn’t tell us to hide our introverted tendencies or “fake it till you make it.” Instead, he simply gives us a way to be our natural selves and yet totally dominate the networking room. What an inspiring message for the billions of us introverts out there. What I love most about Matthew’s system is that he shows how success doesn’t hinge on the superficial, like speaking more loudly than everyone else, adopting the right body language, or mastering the handshake. Just like he says in his first book, the secret is in the system. You don’t need to be charming or be born with the gift of gab. It’s in the approach, and in the frameworks that surround and support what happens in the room. But as all-important as networking success is, this book goes even further. For me, happiness isn’t a state of being. It’s a state of pursuit. Life is too short to live miserably. The Introvert’s Edge to Networking is one of those rare books that shows you how to align what you believe is important with what you do to actually earn money. It not only makes you a powerful networker but ensures you truly love doing it.  People pay me to teach them about what I love most in the world. I wish everyone could experience the same thing. This book will show you how. Jeb Blount CEO of Sales Gravy and author of Inked: The Ultimate Guide to Powerful Closing and Negotiation Tactics That Unlock YES and Seal the Deal OceanofPDF.com  1 why introverts make better networkers Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. —HENRY FORD You’d rather get a root canal than go to a networking event. But you know you’re supposed to, right? Everyone says how important it is in landing that dream job, securing your next client, or connecting with a high-level contact who could launch you into the stratosphere. You know you should do it... but it’s just agony. Then something happens. Maybe you hear about potential layoffs. Maybe you look up from your work and realize you don’t have any customers in the pipeline. Whatever the precipitating event, it takes something seriously scary enough to make that pain worthwhile, to get you out of your comfort zone and into the networking room. So you decide that, yes, you have to go networking. You go online and find an upcoming event and say, “All right, I can do this.” You put it on your calendar. It hovers there for days. Part of you is freaking out: “No, I don’t want to go!” Then another part yells back, “You have to!” There’s a feeling of dread as you park your car and reluctantly head into the event. As you walk into the room, your eyes desperately dart around for a familiar face; even though you’re trying to expand your network beyond the people you already know, it’s far less daunting than approaching a stranger. All the while, you’re thinking, “What if no one likes me? What if this is a complete waste of my time? What if I say the wrong thing?” It’s like the first day of school all over again.  Failing to see anyone you know, you muster your courage, take a deep breath, and approach the first person you see. Walking toward them, you feel your nervousness take hold. You shake hands and smile courteously. Then you go through the awkward song and dance of introducing yourself: “Hi, I’m Jane Smith. Oh, John Doe? Nice to meet you. What do you do?” You stand there, listening for an indicator that they are the person you’re looking for. You’re desperate for a new lead on a job (any job) or a new client (any client). He responds with, “Nice to meet you, too, Jane. I sell insurance. I would love to talk to you about your insurance needs.” Ugh. You didn’t come to talk about insurance! “Oh, I think I’m good on insurance, but thank you!” Now it’s awkward until John Doe asks what you do. “Thank you for asking. I’m a business coach/accountant/managed service provider.” “Hmm, I already have a coach/accountant/managed service provider I’m happy with.” That’s when you think, “Of course you do, so why did I come to this stupid thing in the first place?” Now what? Do you try to tell him why you are better? Try to hustle him away from the person he just said he’s happy with? You don’t want to feel like you’re shoving something down his throat. Perhaps you take the other path, somewhat desperately asking, “Do you know anybody else who might need a coach/accountant/managed service provider?” John Doe says, “I can’t think of anyone off the top of my head, but I’ll keep my ear to the ground! In the meantime, can I give you my card in case you change your mind about your insurance needs?” You don’t want his card, but you take it to be polite. You know he’s not going to change his mind either, and he wasn’t really who you wanted to connect with in the first place. But you hold out hope that, somehow, this encounter will magically turn into a lead. What do you do now? You’ve both done the song and dance. You both realize there’s no reason to go any further with the conversation. Neither of you wants to look like you’re there only to hunt for your next lead—that would be rude. So you smile, one of you makes up an excuse about going to the bathroom or grabbing something to drink, and the other sighs in relief. Then you have to do the same thing all over again.  Many networking books out there tell you to set a target, such as speaking to five people before you can go home. Perhaps you force yourself to go through the motions four more times. But, of course, those conversations are just like the first. You find yourself wondering, “Why do people say networking is important? I’ve just wasted half my day!” After two hours of sheer torture, you go back to your office to lick your wounds and deposit the stack of business cards received, putting them with all the others you’ve collected over time—all the people you’re supposed to follow up with but never do. You probably can’t even remember what you spoke to them about. The only thing you know is that you didn’t connect with the people you needed to, so why even bother? You get back to work, already behind because you spent half the day networking. I say “spent,” but the real word there is “wasted.” You’re no closer to a good business connection than you were yesterday. You’re actually worse off because you spent money on gas and the admittance fee, gave up your time, and severely drained your mental and emotional energy. You rationalize that your failure is because you’re an introvert. After all, the extroverts you saw around the room looked like they were doing great. They must be locking down deals and promotions all the time. If only you could network like them. But you believe that’s not possible for you. So you convince yourself, at least for now, to endure. Two or three months later, things take a turn for the worse. In desperation you think, “I have no choice; I need to go back and network.” You decide that, this time, you’ll do better. You go online and read some networking tips and strategies. You try one or two of the tips, but networking is still as awkward, painful, and wasteful as before. The experts’ advice doesn’t make it any more bearable. To you, networking feels like trying to be someone you’re not. Sure, it’s easy for the extroverts, but networking makes you feel like an introverted square peg forced into an extroverted round hole. You feel sleazy and inauthentic, and you hate small talk! “I guess I just don’t have what it takes,” you tell yourself. I’ve been there. For introverts like you and me, if we’re willing to push ourselves to do it at all, networking like this is torture. It’s not what we got into our chosen profession to do. We just wanted to earn a great living, doing work we love that revolves around our families and our lives—not spending our days, evenings, and even weekends fake-smiling and engaging in inauthentic, exhausting self-promotion. HOW DID WE GET INTO THIS MESS? In her groundbreaking book for introverts, Quiet, Susan Cain reminds us that in 1790, only 3 percent of Americans lived in cities. By 1840, it was 8 percent, and by 1930 it was a little more than a third. In a sparsely populated rural area where everyone knew everyone else, your reputation was everything. As more and more people moved to the cities, however, those community networks became less and less relevant to daily life. As Cain notes, self-help books went from being about inner virtue to being heavily focused on outer charm. At the same time, due to the Industrial Revolution, factories were producing more goods than their local markets could handle, so they sent salespeople throughout the country peddling their wares. Before this, sales usually happened within the local community. You knew the person you were buying from; merchants, dentists, and others couldn’t afford to be known as dishonest or manipulative. Traveling salesmen didn’t need to worry about their reputations, as Harvard Business Review suggests in the article “Birth of the American Salesman.” They didn’t create meaningful relationships with anyone they met, because they were doing business with complete strangers. These salesmen had a short window of time to introduce themselves, get into the house, present the product, secure the sale, and quickly move on to the next house. They could afford to “churn and burn.” In fact, to meet their quotas, they thought they had to. Salespeople didn’t need to worry about selling inferior goods—or anything else for that matter—because in just a couple of days, they’d be off to the next town, doing it all over again. What does this have to do with networking? The same factors that led to a churn-and-burn mentality were re-created in the networking room, as more and more people moved from sparsely populated rural areas into densely populated cities. After all, even today, in many major cities, you’ll probably never again see the person you’re networking with.  It’s why networking, as most people do it today, feels more like door-to- door sales, walking from person to person with a focus on selling as much as possible, as quickly as possible. Creating a meaningful, lasting relationship comes in as a distant second, if at all. This standard approach is what I call “transactional networking.” Is it any surprise that it feels inauthentic and even sleazy? Thankfully, there are those who reject this approach and who do want to create true connections. But they practice what I call “aimless networking.” While they may come from a more authentic place, their unstructured approach isn’t any more effective than transactional networking. It still results in a lot of small talk, shallow connections, and few successes. No wonder introverts hate this type of networking so much—me included! This is the exact opposite of how we like to operate. If I had to participate in transactional networking, I couldn’t live with myself. If I were an aimless networker, I’d quickly see that it was a complete waste of time and stop networking altogether. So, how can we compete with extroverts, who seem to have natural charisma, the gift of gab, and the ability to effortlessly form connections? How can we succeed at networking while feeling authentic? I’m here to give you good news. Introverts can outperform their extroverted counterparts by realizing two truths: 1. The introvert’s road map to success doesn’t look like the extrovert’s. We’re different and we need to embrace that. 2. Traditional networking doesn’t work for introverts. We need a smarter approach that leverages our natural strengths. For introverts, effective networking doesn’t look like traditional networking at all. In fact, what I’ve learned, experienced, and taught is that introverts have a natural edge when it comes to the way networking should really be done—not playing a numbers game and talking to as many people as possible but by being strategic, being prepared, practicing, and knowing how to cultivate deeper relationships with just a few of exactly the right people in the room. In other words, by playing a totally different game. This is timely because the old way of networking is quickly becoming obsolete. People can learn all about you, read reviews on the products you sell, see your personal affiliations, learn your employment history, and sometimes even check up on what you did last weekend, all from a phone they carry in their pocket. We’re returning to those days when everybody knew everybody—or at least living in a world where people can get a great synopsis, quickly. It’s almost impossible to be transactional and then return to obscurity. Transparency is becoming the norm, either by choice or necessity, for individuals as well as employers. Authenticity and inner virtue are back on the rise. Finally. STOP COPYING THE EXTROVERTS Instead of trying to show you how to network like an extrovert, I want to show you how to sidestep that self-destructive behavior. I’ve discovered a way of networking that leverages our introverted strengths. It allows us to walk out of every room feeling like we’ve made powerful connections, portrayed the best version of ourselves, and remained authentically “us” the whole time. Before we go any further, you should know that what I’m about to share with you will require a commitment of anywhere from several hours to a few days of planning, preparation, and practice. One thing I know about introverts, though, is that we’re willing to put in the work to obtain a consistently successful outcome, especially when the alternative is more lost time and energy while obtaining near-zero results. The two types of networking we discussed earlier are not only wrong, but harmful. The transactional approach is purely about onetime deals. I’m sure you don’t think of yourself as a selfish person, but this type of networking is inherently self-centered. It’s like speed dating, quickly going through as many people as possible until you find someone who’ll give you a chance. Put another way, you’re trying to get through all the nobodies as quickly as you can until you can find someone you can use to get what you want. To make matters worse, everyone you’re speaking to knows this is what you’re doing! Sure, you might get a few sales or opportunities, but think about the last time someone behaved this way toward you. Didn’t it feel shallow and slimy? That’s not the taste I’d like to leave in anyone’s mouth, and it’s definitely not the path to a higher income and a supportive network. Aimless networkers, on the other hand, generally walk out with a good feeling, having had some friendly conversations that, unfortunately, ultimately lead nowhere. They may have cultivated acquaintances, but they’ve created a network that has very little motivation to help them toward their goals. They drift through networking, hoping that, somehow, something good will come from their efforts. It’s like throwing quarters into a slot machine, hoping one day to win the jackpot. However, there is a third type of networking, “strategic networking.” It’s a smarter and more effective style, one that introverts can dominate. Network strategically, and you will be rewarded with connections to people who value your work and who would love to help you reach your goals faster. It’s your ticket off the hamster wheel. CHANGING THE BALANCE I discovered strategic networking when I moved across the globe to Austin, Texas, where I didn’t know a soul except Brittany, now my wife. While in Australia, I enjoyed a moderately sized network I’d spent a lifetime awkwardly fostering. In my new home, I was confronted with creating a new network totally from scratch. So I set out on a journey of discovery to make networking easy, fun, and profitable. More than that, I set upon discovering a system that would leverage my introverted strengths, allow me to feel authentic, and give me the edge over my extroverted counterparts. Along the way, I learned something profound: networking, just like with sales, is a system that can be learned and improved upon by anyone, anywhere. Better yet, done well, you can change the balance. Instead of feeling like you’re forcing something on people that they didn’t ask for, you can get them asking questions because they’re genuinely interested. Going from push to pull was everything for me. With the right system and process, I don’t need to be funny, competitive, or gregarious. When it comes down to it, 90 percent of networking success (at least the way I do it) happens outside the room. I focus on strategy and preparation, not on trying to be charismatic and energetic. My system ensures that introverts, if they’re willing to do the prep work, easily have an edge over their extroverted counterparts. Naturally outgoing extroverts can walk into a room and just wing it. While it often comes off as transactional, they’re usually unwilling to put in the time and effort my process requires. After all, they’ve made it this far on their own— why fix something that they don’t see as broken? Introverts, on the other hand, love being superprepared and equipped for success before they ever walk into the room. In the long run, my introverted clients far outperform their extroverted peers because they stick to the process—one that allows their natural gifts, such as active listening and empathy, to shine. While what you’re about to learn will require work, if you put in the effort, it can change your life in a matter of weeks, not months or years. In my first book, I talk about how I learned how to systemize my sales process by watching YouTube videos and practicing at home eight hours a day after a full day’s work. I share my journey of going from having no business being in sales—being terrified, really—to becoming the top producer in the nation within just six weeks. I wouldn’t wish that six weeks on anyone, but I’ve carried that training with me the rest of my life. What you’re going to discover in this book won’t require anywhere near that level of intensity, but the idea is the same: put in the work, systemize the process, reap the rewards. It’s hard to get people to stop and spend a few days on strategy and preparation. Either they’re desperate to get instant results, or they feel that activity, no matter how frenzied, equals progress. They believe the hustle will make them successful, that all they need to do is work hard enough and the results will automatically appear. That may work in the short term, but eventually it burns you out. Instead, if you’ll spend just a short time learning and preparing each day for just a few days, you’ll catapult forward. Throughout this book, we’re going to tackle just about every kind of situation you can imagine, including someone on the brink of losing everything, someone who saw herself as too old, people who felt underqualified, people who said, “I have no charisma,” and those who thought they were socially awkward. You’re going to read about people who work in careers or run their own businesses, from marketing and consulting to multimillion-dollar companies and enterprise-level organizations. This system has been tried and tested. It works. But don’t take my word for it. Take Charlene’s. YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO NETWORK After gardening in the Midwest for most of her life, Charlene Westgate moved to Arizona and found herself presented with a new challenge: How do you make the desert bloom? Through a lot of trial and error, talking with locals, and research, Charlene discovered a few truths. One, she couldn’t force her will on her garden. She had to work with her newfound arid climate, not against it. Two, she found the challenge deeply fulfilling. Eventually, she taught herself how to create a thriving garden in the Arizona heat. When she talked to others about her passion, she found that plenty of people wanted to hear about what she’d learned. Realizing she had something special, Charlene quit her fulltime job and opened Westgate Garden Design. After nine months, though, she still hadn’t replaced her full-time income. As a matter of fact, she was struggling to make any money at all. It put a strain on her household, and she grew desperate. When she went into networking events, she found that people didn’t really get the value of what she did. She explained how she helped create beautiful gardens that thrived in the arid landscape of Arizona. When people heard the words garden and landscape, they said, “So you’re a landscape architect?” Charlene would then say that, no, she didn’t hold the required degree. They would look confused and say, “Okay, if you aren’t the architect, do you do the landscaping work?” Given her age, obviously she wouldn’t be doing the backbreaking labor. Because she didn’t fit into one box or another, people didn’t get why they should hire her. It got to the point that, in Charlene’s words, “I was willing to take money from just about anyone, doing anything, just to make ends meet. I wasn’t even bringing in minimum wage.” “Networking events were awful,” she told me. But she didn’t know how else to get the clientele she needed, so she kept going. Event after event, she felt more devalued, more underestimated, and grew more frustrated with trying. Her confidence was shot. By the time I met Charlene, she had almost done what, sadly, so many introverted professionals have done in the past: convinced herself that she didn’t “have what it takes” to be successful in business. She wasn’t too far away from giving up and closing her business for good. I helped Charlene see that her problem was that she wasn’t articulating her value in a way that made her stand out, that inspired interest, and that made her the only logical choice to hire. The real key was that no one knew how to deal with the Arizona climate as she’d learned to. Charlene finally saw that what she did was something no one else could offer—finding a way to create a beautiful backyard oasis harmonized with the arid terrain that nature had provided. Soon she was back at networking events, armed with well-planned statements, emotionally driven stories, and differentiation-focused messaging (all of which you will learn about in the pages that follow). When asked what she did, Charlene would talk about how she hates seeing people spend fortunes creating an amazing backyard, only to have it die due to a challenging climate that no one, not even the experts, seems to know how to handle. She would then ask if they knew anyone who had a blank backyard because they believed nothing could survive. Or spent money with a contractor, only to have everything die. Of course, this was a quite common issue. She would then share her own gardening struggles when she first moved and how she learned to harmonize everything with the terrain. Then she’d explain how she used to have a full-time job but gave it up to focus on her lifetime mission of helping people have the same backyard oasis she enjoys every day. Finally, she’d tell a preplanned story of someone she’d worked with in the past, the person’s struggles getting anything to grow, and the amazing outcome she delivered. Well, by the end of that, even listeners only partly interested in their backyard couldn’t help thinking, “Oh, wow—I want that!” I know the first time she explained it to me, I sure did! All the previous objections around landscape architects and contractors didn’t even come up. Price also didn’t seem to matter. Soon she found herself being asked to speak at events, and business boomed. Originally, Charlene just hoped to earn a decent income doing what she loved, and to surprise her husband with a trip to the Alamo. Today, she’s far exceeded her income expectations, won two prestigious small-business-of- the-year awards, and received an unsolicited invitation to appear on local television. All this, just about twelve months after getting ready to close her business forever. All because she found an effective, authentic way to network. To use Charlene’s words from a recent interview we did together, “This just proves you’re never too old to create your dream business.” “Okay, Matthew,” I hear you say, “good for her. You love small businesses and you helped a small business. Hooray. But I have a full-time job. How does this apply to me?” Ask yourself, what if Charlene was an employee of a landscaping company, instead of in business for herself? She could have easily applied the same networking process to help her employer bring in new clients. Don’t you think her boss would be ecstatic with that and consider giving her a pay raise? Or what if Charlene weren’t customer facing? What if she were to create a reputation inside the company for specializing in backyard oases that survive the Arizona heat? Do you think that she might be promoted or entrusted with the most high-profile clients’ backyards? How long would it be before other companies were coming to her for advice and even trying to hire her away? But we don’t have to guess what would have happened to Charlene. We can look to Justin’s example. NETWORKING SUCCESS AS A BANK EMPLOYEE When I first met Justin McCullough, he was Capital One’s VP of E- Commerce and National Small Business. He’d been a corporate employee all his life, except for one business that left him horribly in debt. In fact, he’d just finally finished paying it off. At Capital One, he specialized in marketing to small businesses through customer-centric initiatives, just as he had in all his past positions. He loved that he got to help small businesses within his job. The problem was, he didn’t like working for such a big corporate machine, hated that his job took him away from his family for more than half the year, and felt unchallenged by his day-to-day tasks. He was passionate about having a greater impact on a wider number of businesses and was determined to be around more to watch his two boys grow up. He decided it was time to go into business for himself again and launch his own consulting practice. Like many incredibly brilliant people who come to me for help, his biggest problem wasn’t ability but explaining his value in a way that didn’t overcomplicate things. To simplify it, the best Justin could come up with was that he helped people obtain customers and drive loyalty through customer-centric experiences. I first pointed out that “customer-centric experiences” to the average business owner sounded like a cost, not a way to quickly grow their customer base. The verbiage might interest some people, but it wouldn’t prick up ears in a networking room. Plus it spoke to the work—where most people get stuck—as opposed to the true value Justin provided. Instead, I suggested he focus his message on the concepts of growth, speed, quick results, and so on. Then he could further hone his message to being the architect or catalyst of such growth via customer centricity. I then helped him discover three stories from his past experiences, from both employment and from his own small business, to use in networking events to explain the power of what he offered. Armed with that, and the planned networking process we will be sharing in the chapters to come, he was ready to successfully network as an introvert. But before Justin could put all his hard work into action, tragedy struck his home of Orange, Texas, in the form of Hurricane Harvey. The flooding was catastrophic, destroying more than a hundred thousand homes. Justin and his family vividly remember wading out in waist-high water and climbing into the back of a giant, canvas-back truck to be rescued by the National Guard and taken to a local church shelter. They lost everything. And while he had insurance, it didn’t account for the months of cleanup that bled his business-startup fund and personal savings dry. Understandably, he didn’t want to launch a business in a disaster zone while his family picked up the pieces of their lives. What they needed was stability, time to heal, and a new city for a fresh start. He decided that he would put his dreams on hold, leave his family behind, travel to Austin, and do everything he could to obtain employment—quickly, so his family could join him. No one could blame Justin for being in panic mode: the stress of losing all your possessions, the uncertainty of the future, the pressure to provide, tapped out savings, living miles from his family, and no end in sight until he landed a job. No one would fault Justin’s “spray-and-pray,” shotgun approach. He called every recruiter, went to every networking event, and told everyone he met that he was looking for a job. But the way he presented himself put him into the commodity box of being just another “marketing executive.” At networking events, potential employers would ask about his background, which led to a conversation about Hurricane Harvey and losing everything. While people genuinely sympathized with his plight, nobody wanted to hire a guy looking for a job just because he was desperate and had few options. A few weeks into this phase of his life, I called to check on him. He shared his struggles of landing a decent job. I asked him, “Justin, what are you telling them?” After he’d recounted his experiences, I saw that he’d completely put his message, passions, and powerful explanatory stories aside. He said that he didn’t think it would work for getting a job. “How is what you’re doing today working for you?” I asked. “It’s not. It’s time to own who you are, Justin. You are passionate about business growth through customer-centric experiences. Put that on your resume. You also told me that you felt motivated to provide value to a wider number of businesses. Did you know many big corporations are in fact an amalgamation of multiple midsized businesses? Why not also add to your resume that you’d be an ideal fit for an organization needing help across multiple business units? “Next, I want you to understand that networking for a job is exactly the same as networking for new clients. You’re still trying to stand out and establish long-term relationships with people. The only difference is, you’re doing it to land one long-term ‘customer’ instead of several. So when networking, and in your interviews for that matter, make sure to introduce your differentiation-focused messaging and use your stories to show your in-depth knowledge and value.” For anyone who hasn’t gone through this grueling process, an executive-level hire is no small feat. In fact, it’s one of the riskiest things a company can do. But after Justin went back to embracing his uniqueness, he landed three strong offers by networking and interviewing as an interesting outlier instead of someone who just checked the boxes for the job posting. One of those offers was from Facility Solutions Group, an almost $1 billion commercial lighting, electrical, and energy products and services company with multiple small and medium-sized business units operating under its umbrella. At the interview, Justin shared his stories and passion for helping multiple business units grow through customer-centric experiences. Finally, the interviewer said, “You know, Justin, I think you’re overqualified for this position, but man, I just know our CEO would love to meet you and hear your ideas. Can you come in tomorrow to meet him for an hour?” What was supposed to be a one-hour meeting with the CEO lasted for five hours. Then they met for an additional two days, discussing different ways to work together that would make the most of Justin’s skills and passion. In the end, they created a brand-new position for him as the chief innovation and product officer, two levels above the original job he’d interviewed for and at a salary six figures more than the one he’d been applying for. Even better, the role would have him based mostly in Austin, without the crazy travel schedule required of him at Capital One. What if Justin didn’t own his uniqueness, passion, and stories? In truth, he is an intelligent, talented person and would have landed on his feet. But would he have obtained his dream job, one he now tells me he loves more than working for himself and allows him to spend more time with his family? Probably not. I love seeing Justin’s social posts of nights and weekends with his wife and boys. They all look so happy in their new Austin life. That’s the power of being the outlier and knowing exactly how to back it up. It always surprises me when I hear people commoditizing themselves when trying to land a top-shelf job. At those levels, company leaders want to hire someone exceptional who brings a unique perspective to the task. Yet most candidates present themselves the same way, then wonder why they weren’t offered the job. That’s why it’s so important to know how to articulate your difference, inside and outside the networking room. Even for an entry-level position, who wouldn’t want to hire and promote someone who’s really thought about their uniqueness and how it would benefit the right employer versus someone else who just goes through the motions? Employers would much rather work with someone who is passionate and focused. Justin landed a dream job because he had the courage to network in a way congruent with who he was, because he could clearly articulate his value, and because he was willing to trust the process.  NETWORKING OUT OF YOUR HOODIE I hope you’re excited to overhaul the way you network and are ready to transform your business or career as Charlene, Justin, and so many others have. Before we get to that, let me share one last story about why The Introvert’s Edge® to Networking had to be my second book, and why it’s so close to my heart. One day, a fan reached out to share that I’d helped his son, Joel Turner, make friends at school. Joel had always shown an interest in business books and happened to pick up my first book, The Introvert’s Edge®: How the Quiet and Shy Can Outsell Anyone, from the family coffee table. After reading it, he decided that if conversations that resulted in sales could be systemized, then maybe conversations that resulted in friends could too. His dad told me that Joel actually walked around school with my book in hand as he taught himself how to make friends. I was fascinated and delighted by this story and wanted to speak to Joel myself. He told me that he used to hide under his hoodie and hated making eye contact but desperately wanted friends. He felt so lonely and excluded. After putting my book to use, he started a dialogue with some of the popular kids. He began feeling like he was in control of the discussion. He began making friends, then getting into more activities. Now there’s even a girl in the picture! Today, the hoodie is off for good. (I think it goes without saying how proud his father is of him.) Joel had gone from being withdrawn to now confident and excited about going to school. What a change! All from grasping that making new friends and connections could be a system. THE INTROVERT’S EDGE® NETWORKING SYSTEM So how do you go from an awkward and uncomfortable networker to a networking powerhouse like Charlene, Justin, and even Joel? Well, the answer, as I mentioned earlier, lies in the three Ps: planning, preparation, and practice.  We’re going to kick off the steps to this process in chapter 2 by channeling your superpower: your passions. Essentially, we’re going to connect a deep-seated sense of purpose to your professional networking aims. While it may sound too good to be true, this will tap into an endless well of energy that will make you want to network. Shortly before writing this, I saw a Facebook post from Charlene saying she was excited about heading out to a networking event. Wouldn’t you love to feel like that?! Chapter 3 is about niching, which may seem odd to include in a networking book. After all, this is about how to connect with people, not do a market segmentation analysis, right? But, just like Justin, you need to accept that success doesn’t come from being everything to everyone but being the only logical choice to a select few. Chapter 4 is about harnessing the power of story. I’ll talk about the hard science behind why stories are a better vehicle of communication than just reciting facts and why they’re a powerful tool in rapport generation. These aren’t your typical business case studies; you’ll discover how to create emotionally charged stories that articulate your value and that position you as the only logical choice. Chapter 5 shows you how to uncover the secret to instantly evoking interest, setting yourself apart, and changing the balance of networking conversations for good. No more will you feel like you’re shoving what you do down people’s throats. Instead, they’ll be asking for more details because they’re genuinely interested. This is the crown jewel of my networking system and was the turning point in my own networking journey as well as many of my clients’. In chapter 6, I introduce the idea that beyond prospective employers or prospective customers, there are two other, more important types of people you want to network with. I’ll also show you a simple trick I uncovered to identify, categorize, and even start a discussion with attendees before even walking into the networking room. Get ready to feel the pressure dissipate as we transition networking from a series of first-time meetings to a series of preplanned discussions. In chapter 7, I tell you exactly what to say when you get in the room. I show you how to plan your discussions so that the conversation goes just where you need it to. Then I present the three different results you want to have with the three different types of people identified in chapter 6, leaving them wanting more and providing them an easy way to get it.  In chapter 8, we’ll discuss what to do after you leave the room. You’ll put an end to the pile of cards on your desk and, instead, turn them into introductions, deals, and media. No more guessing what to do. No more awkward callbacks. I’ll show you exactly how to get your ideal prospects to chase you. Chapter 9 is about having the right mind-set for the entire process— seeing it as a system to be continually improved upon, rather than a one- and-done effort. I liken it to an assembly line such as Henry Ford’s. His brilliance was in continuous improvement. That’s the key to your networking success too—perfecting the process. In the final chapter, I’ll show you how your hard work in perfecting your networking system locally will become the catalyst to networking globally. All through the power of technology, psychology, and strategy. The entire goal of this book is to help you master the room... so you never have to go back into one (unless you really want to). This book will give you everything you need to implement my system in your networking efforts. And in the bonus material, which I discuss at the back of the book, you’ll find a wealth of information to help you fully cultivate your Introvert’s Edge®. With this book, and the bonus resources at your fingertips, nothing can stop you from becoming the master strategic networker you were always destined to be. Now, let’s discover the first element of the Introvert’s Edge® Networking System: delving into your passion to come up with your mission—a mission that drives everything else. OceanofPDF.com  2 channeling your superpower Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense of mission. —ZIG ZIGLAR Back in 2014, I had the pleasure of experiencing my first American Thanksgiving. An abundance of turkey, sweet potato casserole, and pumpkin pie—what’s not to love? The only problem was, I’d accepted two very early morning TV interviews the following day. So as Thanksgiving Day became late Thanksgiving night, I excused myself. Brittany’s family, having not seen each other for such a long while, stayed up having a good time, as they should... somewhat loudly. After four hours of broken, restless sleep, I got up and headed to the first TV studio for my interview. As soon as that finished, I rushed off to my second. Which I now see as ridiculous in retrospect—I’d also scheduled a full day of back-to-back interviews with previous clients. So, immediately after my last TV appearance, I drove right over for the shoot. If these were basic discussions, I might have been able to phone it in. But they were in-depth case studies with previous clients (people like Whitney Cole, Jim Comer, and many other success stories you’ll meet throughout this book), in front of bright lights and a full video team. It was vital that I asked the right questions, kept them on track, and ensured each interview was fluid and instructive. To do this well, it was of paramount importance I stay focused. This was no small task, even if I was fully rested; at a shoot like this, there are a million distractions behind the scenes. At one point, one of the cameramen was even doing yoga right in my line of sight.  I should have been exhausted, but instead it was me pushing the camera team along, all of whom were running on far more than four hours of broken sleep. By the end of the shoot, you could tell that they couldn’t wait to pack up and go home while I, on the other hand, was still exploding with energy and having the time of my life. Where did my energy come from? Why was I excited while everyone around me couldn’t wait to call it a day? In a word—passion. I am passionate about helping introverted small- business owners get off the everyday hamster wheel of struggling to find interested prospects, set themselves apart, and make the sale, all while competing against more established businesses in their industry, with prospects who seem to care about only one thing—price. I am on a mission to help them understand that if they focus on just a few things outside their functional skill, they really can have rapid growth in a business they love. The early-morning TV interviews provided a way I could further that mission. Even though I was exhausted, I found myself charged up and ready just before we went live. As for my day of client interviews, I knew these videos would provide huge value to struggling small-business owners. I also knew that many people would see themselves in these client stories and know that success was possible for them too. It was my passion that drove me. The result: I had plenty of energy on a day when I should have had none. While this isn’t a networking story, it speaks to channeling my superpower. Before I walk into a networking event, I remind myself of my passion and mission, and bang!—I’m ready and excited to get into the room. French general Ferdinand Foch said, “The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.” Could you imagine if networking were like that for you? Can you see yourself being so excited about sharing your impact that you bubble over with enthusiasm? Being the person so passionate about your work that complete strangers hang on your every word? That your words are infectious and filled with conviction? By the time you work through my process, that’s how networking will be for you—an experience where you seem to have boundless energy, focus, and charisma. Your time in the room will fly. It will be like you uncovered a superpower that’s been lying dormant all this time. When you return home, you’ll be spent but triumphant. That’s what comes from aligning your networking aims to be authentically congruent with who you are and those you want to serve. To adapt the words of American businessman Thomas J. Watson, to be successful, you have to have your heart in your work and your work in your heart. When you speak about something you really care about, you can’t help speaking with passion and excitement. Sadly, few people will ever know passion like this, or the success it can afford them. Not because they don’t have passion. Everyone gets excited about something. It’s because they’ve never taken the time to find it and channel it into what they do. Once we find your passion—the “superpower” that will drive you—we can channel that into your networking efforts. You won’t dread networking, you’ll love it! I’m not saying that you won’t be exhausted afterwards. But it will be a good exhaustion, like the end of a day full of rides and roller coasters at Disney World. These days, that’s how it feels for me. As an introvert, the act of networking tires me out, but I get so excited inspiring others with my passion and mission, I don’t even notice. I’ve also now taken the same rides so many times, thanks to my systematic approach to networking, I know all the drops, twists, and turns. Nothing surprises me. I get to just sit back and enjoy it. DO WHAT YOU LOVE, LOVE WHAT YOU DO I like to think about strategic networking like getting a rocket ship into orbit. Each element of your rocket ship forms a part of your greater networking system. To extend upon this analogy, if your networking system is your rocket, then passion is undoubtedly the fuel. This is why uncovering what you’re truly passionate about and aligning it with what you currently do, or want to be doing, is vital. Without passion, while you will still be able to portray the most authentic version of yourself and likely still skyrocket your results, you’ll always feel incongruent in the networking room. As such, you’ll be missing the explosive force you need to truly get to orbit. I learned this lesson the hard way. Despite my early accomplishments, being responsible for five multimillion-dollar business success stories before the age of thirty, what many people don’t know is that much of my success didn’t make me happy.  I vividly remember the day I was presented with Melbourne’s Young Achiever Award. I should have been ecstatic. After all, I was a kid who, due to my reading disabilities, had been told many times I’d never amount to anything. And there I was, being recognized with a prestigious award for founding what grew into the largest independent brokerage for business-to- business mobile phones in Australia. But instead, I went home that evening to my gorgeous 270-degree city-view apartment and felt... just awful. I’d spent years pushing myself to do things, pushing myself to succeed. Sure, I’d made some great money, but what was it all for? I was more than unsatisfied. I was deeply unhappy. I’ve been saying for years now that I can create rapid growth out of anything. But there is nothing worse than rapid growth with customers you can’t stand in a business that you hate. The same is true for career professionals. Why would anyone want to spend half their waking hours with a boss they can’t stand in a job they don’t love? If you hate what you do, no amount of networking strategy and insights are going to make up for the fact that you fundamentally don’t want to be doing what you’re doing, working toward a goal you don’t really want, meeting people you don’t really care to know. Networking success starts with finding what sparks excitement in you, then connecting it with what you currently do or want to be doing. If you have that—if you’re networking from a place of passion—you’re already miles ahead of your competition. So many people believe that they can’t have their cake (pursuing their passion) and eat it too (making a great living). Too many people hate where they spend half their waking hours, living for the weekends or finding enjoyment outside their professional lives. In this chapter, we want to peel back the layers to find something that sparks the fire in the core of your being. What surprises me most is, for many, their passion is indeed related to what they’ve been doing all along—they just never spent the time connecting the dots. Let me explain by showing you how Nick found his fire. THE BULL-RIDING INSURANCE SALESMAN Nick Jensen was an ex-bull-rider-turned-insurance salesperson. (You can’t make this stuff up.) When I first met him, he was a mile away from connecting his passion to his day-to-day job. I said to Nick, “Introverts can’t just go to a networking event and say they sell insurance. Not only are insurance salespeople seen as a dime a dozen, but they already have a reputation for being overly direct and pushy. If you introduce yourself this way, they’ll run for the hills. Extroverts play this transactional numbers game, but we can’t. Instead, you need to hook people with your passion and mission.” Nick was such a reserved and logical person that speaking from the heart wasn’t really his thing, as is true for most introverts. That said, I’ve found that while many introverts may struggle to articulate their feelings, inside them lies a river of deep emotion. So I challenged him: “Nick, you are clearly a very bright man. You could have chosen any path in life. Why did you choose insurance?” He said, “Well, I just like to protect people, I guess.” “But why insurance specifically? I mean, you could protect lots of people in lots of ways.” Nick said, “I picked insurance because I see so many people earn good money but never really stop to think through what to do with it. Then, something goes wrong, like they get sick or even die, and their family ends up with nothing.” Then I asked him what kind of people he liked helping. Was it just anyone? He said yes, but I challenged him further. Did he like helping a person who earned $500,000 a year as much as someone earning $50,000 a year? Nick said yes, but that the person earning a half-million could pay him more. We weren’t getting anywhere with trying to find a connection to his passion. I said, “Okay, let’s not focus on income. What about people who study hard every day to get their dream job, then do the hard work to get promoted to the top spot—versus the person who believes in themselves enough to start their own business and hustles every day to create something. Which of these people do you care about protecting more?” “The business owner, I think,” Nick said. When I asked why, he explained, “I feel like they just deserve my help more.” Again, I asked: “Why?”  “Well, I watched my grandpa work tirelessly on his farm to make it a success. He also employed others, allowing them to look after their own families and save for retirement. But my grandpa never prioritized retirement for himself, and he ended up with nothing. After some farming and health hardships, I had to watch my grandpa sell the farm and move into a tiny house in town. I still remember watching as this once incredibly motivated man just withered away in front of his TV—totally depressed.” “But, Nick,” I said, “how could insurance have helped your grandpa? He didn’t die. Would life insurance really have made that much of a difference?” Nick explained that he had spent a chunk of time researching policies to help people like his grandpa. While doing this, he’d discovered a specific type of insurance policy that allowed a business of high cash flow but average profit to leverage that cash into higher-than-average returns. He went on to explain that these policies can allow business owners to propel their gains into real wealth, while still retaining easy access to the cash if and when they needed it. I was blown away by Nick’s detailed knowledge. In short, his grandpa could have easily gone into his golden years with quite a bit of wealth. “I like helping these people leverage high cash-value policies so they don’t end up like my grandpa. I never want to see people get stuck like that,” he said. I asked Nick how it would feel to wake up every day to help these business owners make sure they never wound up depressed and withering away in their own unhappy retirement—and to ensure that their families were never left with nothing. He replied, “Wow, that would be amazing!” “Now let me ask you this: How much easier would it be for you to talk about this passion of yours—this mission of yours—for helping business owners, the hustlers of the world, make sure they end up living the retirement they deserve? How easy would it be to explain that you’ve discovered a specific product that allows them to leverage their high cash flow into real wealth, while ensuring that they could access the cash whenever needed? Wouldn’t that be so much more effective than simply saying you sold insurance?” I asked. “Absolutely!” Today, Nick not only gets in front of more prospects than he ever did before, but they are more often the exact people he wishes to serve. When he meets with people in the networking room, they’re actually excited to be speaking with him. He also makes much higher sales commissions and, because he’s now such a high performer, he lets his family life dictate the hours he works (which he assures me are far fewer than before). Digging down and finding that spark, then connecting it to what he was already doing, set Nick on fire. Today he’s piloting his own rocket ship, right on course. And he loves it. PUT ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET Every now and then, I run into someone who isn’t disconnected from his or her passion and mission but who actually has two. You may think that these people are the lucky ones—that if passion is so vital to success, they must be living financially blessed and fulfilling lives. Unfortunately, this is often not the case, as Jim Comer’s story explains. When Jim was a starving actor in New York in the 1970s, he applied for a job writing sales scripts for Avon’s three thousand district managers. After three or four years, he was tapped to write a speech for the CEO. He told me that it was a great speech but felt that the CEO butchered it... which is why Jim persuaded the executive that he needed coaching on his delivery, likely risking his job to do so. That eventually led to a successful business as a speech writer and coach for more than a decade in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, when Jim was fifty-one years old, his father suffered a massive stroke. Very shortly after that, his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Almost overnight, Jim found himself the caretaker of his parents, forced to give up his life in LA, and to move home to Texas. He was inspired to write a book to help people just like him, When Roles Reverse: A Guide to Parenting Your Parents, that sold more than twenty thousand copies and received rave reviews. He started building a second business around speaking about caregiving, on top of relaunching his speech writing and coaching business. Here was the problem: it was impossible for him to capitalize on a networking opportunity. Sure, he had passion, but his fuel was split between two different rockets, heading in two totally different directions. I gently suggested to him that he had to make a choice. He couldn’t be viewed as one of the world’s best speech coaches and become a recognized expert on caregiving. His social media feed looked like “Do You Need to Nail Your Next Speech?” followed by “Do You Have Aging Parents?” It was a confusing message, just like his networking efforts. Take a second to consider how you reacted to the last person who tried to simultaneously discuss two businesses with you. Regardless of how much passion you felt the person had, you must have left the discussion wondering if he or she was really committed to either one. As you can imagine, Jim didn’t want to abandon either effort. While he was struggling to make any money at all, he’d had a lifetime of experience as a speech writer and coach. He’d also spent a lot of time as a caregiver, along with an exorbitant amount of energy writing a book close to his heart. Jim finally conceded, after going back and forth, that his real passion was as a speech writer and coach. Today, his business is doing better than ever. Not long after he made this tough decision, one bit of focused effort made him $20,000 within just a few hours (more on that later). He absolutely loves his work... all because he reconnected to his true passion and focused all his efforts there. LIGHTING YOUR FIRE To truly succeed in strategic networking, you can’t bend yourself to what others want, or even what you mean to sell; they must bend to you. Everything you do has to be authentic to who you are as a person and a professional. That’s the only way you’ll begin to love networking. But first, as self-proclaimed introvert Simon Sinek outlines in his book Start with Why, you need to understand why you care enough to go out and network in the first place. After all, if you don’t care, why should anyone else? Take a moment to head to YouTube and search “Elon Musk Falcon Heavy launch.” Look at Elon’s reaction. His expression is pure joy. There’s no doubt in his mind as to what he’s doing with SpaceX. He knows his mission: to put a man on Mars. He knows why: it’s the first step toward colonization. He’s also made no secret about the reason behind it: to bring back the seed of human civilization in the event of a global catastrophe. (FYI, Elon’s also an introvert.) Almost a half-century earlier, John F. Kennedy’s mission and passion to put a man on the moon captured the imagination of the entire nation, and even the world. NASA had a mission that superseded everything else. (By the way, JFK was an introvert, too, just like presidents Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, and Barack Obama.) The people at SpaceX and NASA both knew their mission and were inspired deeply by their leaders’ passion. That knowledge, catalyzed by the unwavering conviction of their leaders, propelled them to get out of bed every day and hit the ground running. It still propels the team at SpaceX, who after celebrating the momentous step of Falcon Heavy’s launch, went right back to work on the next big step. Introverts who know their mission, and more specifically their passion behind it, feel exactly the same way. It doesn’t have to be as grand as a space launch. Like Justin, your mission could be providing customer-centric growth experiences, because you believe a large part of an organization’s growth should come from serving current clients. Or like Charlene, whose mission is creating backyard oases that thrive in the Arizona heat because she hates seeing people spend fortunes on backyards that end up dying. Being connected with your passion and mission gets people to give you their time, money, networks, and ideas. They’ll want to follow you, work with you, and help you get where you want to go. This is the kind of stuff that moves mountains. To get to this place, however, it’s time for some introspective thinking. You need to dig deeply into who you are and uncover that spark that has been there all along. You need to explore how you ended up in your chosen profession and how it connects in a way that, like Nick, may not seem totally obvious right away. To find your rocket fuel, you need to be able to answer three important questions: 1. What do you want to see (happen, stop happening, change, or improve) in the world, within the workplace, with customers, with suppliers, with prospects, and so on? 2. Why do you care? 3. What’s the driving passion behind it? For the moment, don’t worry about how you’ll make money from your passion, or even how you’ll convince your boss to let you pursue that mission. I want you to suspend your logical brain’s tendency to cut your dreams off. You’ve closed this door for so long. Let some fresh air blow through. Give yourself the opportunity to imagine “what if?” I’m not asking why you are networking. It’s probably because you need leads, either for new customers or for a new job. What I’m asking is what’s important enough to get you to jump out of bed in the morning, outside of the money you get paid or the worry of making none. Think about leaving your loved ones every morning or being away from them for long periods of time. What’s important enough to make that worth it? Imagine yourself in all kinds of tough business and job situations, well beyond simply networking. What’s important enough to you to get you through these moments with energy and focus? If you’re like many of my past clients, the answers may not come to you right away. You may even be drawing a complete blank. Don’t worry, that’s quite common. Try asking yourself some of these questions to get the juices flowing: I could have done anything—why this (that is, why did I decide on this profession)? Do I have any personal connection to the business or career I’ve chosen? Any personal stories that connect me to it? At work, what do I get my greatest joy from? (Your answer to this question can include previous jobs or businesses.) What are the tasks that I do that make time fly? What do I hate seeing happen to (prospects, customers, suppliers, coworkers, and so on)? What do I love seeing (prospects, customers, suppliers, coworkers, and so on) experience? What are my favorite types of problems to solve at work? What do I get the greatest joy from in my personal life? How can I make that relevant in my business or career? This may be the first time you’ve even asked yourself these types of questions. It didn’t occur to me to ask them of myself until after receiving the Young Achiever Award and realizing I was so unhappy. Until then, I would have seen these questions as totally unnecessary for success. Now, however, I understand that the answers were not only critical to my mental well-being but the catalyst for making great money doing what I love.  So, while you might be tempted to come back to this later, I urge you to pause for a moment and really take the time to answer the above questions —to discover the answers that will change your life for the better. Just as they did for Tarek Morshed. When Tarek first came to me, he was a Sotheby’s real estate agent looking for an edge. He was good at his job—excellent, in fact—but he was competing with tens of thousands of realtors in the area. Originally, his reason for wanting to obtain a higher sales volume was to be afforded the opportunity to take on a greater leadership role, step away from the day-to- day sales grind, and, of course, earn more money. But going into a networking event and saying, “I want to get your business because I’d love to earn more money or grow my team,” doesn’t exactly inspire people to want to work with you. When I originally asked Tarek what he cared about most, it always came down to meeting amazing people and selling homes. “What type?” I asked. “Maybe unique, high-end homes?” But after pushing him, it came out that he took pride in his own home. He loved its central location, making it easy to get to meetings. He loved the way it was set up for work- life balance and how productive it kept him. We went deeper, and soon he was sharing stories about how he had helped senior leaders, CEOs of big companies, and entrepreneurs all find their perfect spaces. He understood that a home’s location was of paramount importance for business owners who worked a significant amount of time from home. He’d point out to these clients that, sure, they could find a bigger or cheaper home farther from the commercial hub, but that the farther out they lived, the harder it would be to network. If an event is forty minutes away instead of ten, you’ll be more likely to skip it, despite it being prospect-rich and full of moneymaking opportunities. Tarek also understood how important the location of their home workspace was. Too close to family areas would bring distractions. Lack of natural light and scenery would kill creativity and productivity. Lastly, Tarek knew how important it was to align the purchase of a home with the business’s needs. For example, if a client’s business was going into growth mode, then the person shouldn’t buy a house that was going to require more care and higher maintenance. Nor should such clients buy a more expensive home just when their business was going to need financial resources too.  Tarek’s passion quickly became obvious. We retooled his entire brand around helping entrepreneurs, founders, and CEOs of highly successful businesses find their true entrepreneurial home. If you’re in Austin and want to buy a house, any realtor can help you. But if you’re a founder or entrepreneur looking for a home that works into your vision for your business instead of detracting from it? There’s only one person to call. Tarek even started The Entrepreneurial Home podcast on which he interviews top CEOs and successful entrepreneurs about their own home workspaces. This has given him access to some exclusive people who might otherwise have been quite hard to connect with. All of this came from realizing his passion, crafting his mission, then sharing both with the world. We’ve all seen people walk into networking events like soldiers of fortune, trading in more and more of their humanity for a quick buck. That’s not the path for you. You can’t evoke authentic engagement if you have a singular focus on obtaining a quick win. Your vision has to be bigger than just getting paid well, bigger than just a onetime deal. It’s time to discover who you really are and what you really care about. Sharing this with others is your path to creating authentic and genuine connections. It’s your path to creating the types of rich and rewarding relationships that will propel you to your ultimate goals. In the next chapter, I’m going to show you why success doesn’t come from being everything to everyone but being the only logical choice to a select few. Then I’m going to help you discover who that select few should be. OceanofPDF.com  3 you can’t please everyone If you try to please all, you please none. —AESOP’S FABLES, “The Miller, His Son, and the Ass” When you’re desperate for clients, any client is a good client, right? Just like when there are layoffs and you’re desperate for a new job, anything sounds better than nothing. So you network with anyone and everyone; after all, you just need one employer or just a few prospects to say yes. But let me ask you this: Do you really want just any job—even one you hate? Do you really want to work with just any client—even a bad one? To truly succeed at networking, you need to stop casting a wide net and instead focus on being the perfect fit for just a select few. This is the group that will be motivated to hire you, buy from you, appreciate your work, and pay you what you’re worth—the group that sees you as the only logical choice, regardless of your competition. To this group, there is something singular about you and what you provide. They see something inside you that, perhaps, you don’t even see for yourself—yet! It’s a mixture of unique personal and professional experiences, the skills you possess (often the ones you take for granted), the way you view the world, how you handle problems, and your passion for getting things done. Let me explain by telling you about Leslie Hill. Leslie was a regional VP at the multilevel marketing company Arbonne, which makes beauty and wellness products to promote healthy living. She’d recently moved from Michigan to North Carolina, leaving her entire network behind. Somewhere along the way, she stumbled across my first book and used my advice to create a systematic sales process. In a recent discussion, she told me she’d been having great success. As an introvert, she loved how in control she felt when it came to something that seemed impossible to plan for. Leslie explained that her biggest epiphany came when she read the last chapter, in which I discuss how much easier sales can be when you first find and focus on a niche. Suddenly, it became clear to Leslie that she’d been going about networking all wrong. Leslie thought about who she wanted to be working with and who would really see value in working with her. She decided that the perfect fit for her would be healthcare providers—more specifically, medical professionals who understood the importance of nutrition for better health. Armed with this new focus, Leslie decided to put it to the test. She headed to a local event, hosted by her chamber of commerce. As she walked into the room, she spied one woman in particular who seemed to know everyone. She walked up to the woman, introduced herself, and asked what kind of client she was looking for. The woman shared her ideal client, then reciprocated by asking Leslie the same. Leslie said, “Medical professionals who ‘get it’—who get that nutrition is part of health.” The woman immediately said, “Oh, I know the perfect person you need to speak to—Dr. Mike!” She then walked Leslie across the room to introduce her to Dr. Mike. After Leslie delivered her prepared remarks (more on that later), Dr. Mike said, “I’ve been hoping to run into someone like you!” Shortly after that, he booked four workshops with Leslie at his clinic. He also introduced her to another healthcare professional who was so excited about what Leslie did that she, in turn, introduced Leslie to a number of other doctors and healthcare professionals, leading to multiple workshops and speaking opportunities. Leslie had frequented that chamber event many times before. But this was the first time that, instead of saying, “I’m looking for anybody interested in beauty and wellness products,” she got ultraspecific by focusing on nutrition-conscious healthcare providers. So specific that, for the niche that she’d decided upon, she became an easy yes. To be exciting to a few, you need to exclude the rest.  As another example, take Blackbaud. In the world of online bookkeeping, there is massive competition from the likes of QuickBooks, Xero, MYOB (Australia’s largest), Sage, and FreshBooks. They all spend fortunes on new features, marketing, and customer acquisition. Meanwhile, Blackbaud enjoys incredible growth, year over year, fairly uncontested in an otherwise saturated market. How? By understanding that everyone is not their customer and focusing on becoming the gold standard for nonprofits. They don’t have to spend a fortune on research and development. They can wait to see what the giants do and adopt best practices into their own products. Because they know their niche inside and out, and their niche knows them, marketing is simple. BEYOND YOUR NICHE Of course, I’m not suggesting that you go and fire all your current clients, quit your current job, or turn down opportunities that come your way just because they aren’t in your niche. So often, when discussing the importance of an ideal niche, I’m met with a reply like, “Yes, Matthew, that group would be perfect for me, and I’d love to work with them. But what if I get the opportunity to work with someone outside this niche? Do I have to turn them down?” I always answer in the same way: “Of course not! You should never turn down any opportunity without at least some consideration. People get niching all wrong. Just because you pick a niche doesn’t mean you can’t do anything else. It especially doesn’t mean you can’t work with the people that already know, like, and trust you, or are referred to you by those that do. Our focus with niching is purely on obtaining new prospects and employment opportunities from outside your current customer base or referral network. To focus your energies on being the perfect fit for that select few. That’s it!” As soon as niching is explained to them in this way, their fears subside, and they are ready to jump into their newly discovered niche with both feet. Another niching misconception is that you must continue to focus only on your niche for all eternity. This feels like a daunting commitment. Let me put your fears to rest: not only have I personally moved from niche to niche but so have many of my clients. As you build momentum within your current niche, you leverage that momentum to expand. For instance, in the education space, I grew a business to thirty-five hundred business-owner students in just three years. Initially we focused on a specific trade, electricians. Then we grew to serve all tradespeople on a worksite. Then we grew into serving florists and hairdressers. Before we knew it, we were working with doctors and lawyers. This level of growth would likely not have happened if we’d started by offering business education to everyone. It likely wouldn’t have even happened if we started with a focus just on trades. It was that we started with just electricians, and we leveraged that momentum to grow step by step. That’s what led us to rapid growth. The final objection that comes up with niching is this: What if you go to a networking event and share your passion, mission, and niche, and that person doesn’t work in that space? What do you do then? Do you quickly hustle to remain relevant or stick to your guns? You stick to your guns, and here’s why: you’re about to take networking to a place you’ve never taken it before. Soon you’ll be prepared with a well- structured way of articulating your mission and niche, and you’ll be armed with a whole lot of strategic networking gems. You’ll find yourself with an infectious charisma that you’ve likely never experienced before. This newfound enthusiasm means that others get excited about your mission, just like Leslie’s new contact. They’ll have a colleague, a friend, a coworker, or somebody else who is in your perfect niche, and they’ll walk you right up for an introduction. In fact, I’ve also found that many people will actually try to bend themselves or their problem to your niche. They often respond with, “Well, I’m not exactly the type of person you described, but we have a lot of the same problems. I think you’d be really helpful in getting us past them. Would you consider doing some work for us?” Think about what a role reversal in networking that is, to go from trying to pitch someone to having them trying to mold themselves to you. I’ve had product companies, extroverts, and even billion-dollar tech corporations—all groups outside my target niche—explain to me how my systems and processes could work for them too; they just need someone like me with the passion and skill to make it happen. It all starts with one small niche. Let’s get to work finding yours.  THE BASICS OF NICHING Discovering your perfect niche is easier than you think. We can find it in just three simple steps. Before we get started, if you’re literally right out of uni (you Americans would say college) or just starting out in a new and vastly different industry, this is your official get-out-of-step-one-free card. Please proceed directly to step two, read that to the end, and at the bottom you’ll find customized advice just for you. Also, this process is slightly different for business owners and career professionals, which is why I’ve broken step one into two parts. Don’t worry, the outcome will be the same. Step One for Business Owners First, get out a pen and paper. You’re going to make two lists. On the first list, write down the names of people who, when your phone rings with their number in the caller ID, you hear “cha-ching!” These are high-paying customers who pay you what you’re worth and never haggle on price. Or they may be people you’ve worked with only once, but they were clients who were happy to pay you well for it. This doesn’t necessarily mean you enjoyed working with them, only that you made great money for the work you did. You can think of this as your “cha-ching!” list. For the second list, write down the names of people who sing your praises. This may mean raving to others about your work or products. It could be people who consistently send referrals your way. They’re the people who, when you ask for a short testimonial, write you a page. Think of these people as being on your “evangelists” list. Don’t write down just a few names. These need to be exhaustive lists. Put down everyone who’s ever paid you well or had a positive interaction with you professionally. (And notice these are all people, not companies. We don’t do business with organizations; we do business with the individuals inside them.) Step One for Employees You’ll still have a cha-ching! list and an evangelists list. The only difference is in the way we define the people who go on them. For your cha-ching! list, you need to think in terms of both your internal customers and your employer’s external customers. (Again, individuals, not companies.) Think of your current and former bosses, direct or indirect managers, and even coworkers as customers. Which of them ensured you were paid your bonuses, gave you generous raises, or otherwise financially rewarded you? Who gave you opportunities that either directly or indirectly led to a monetary benefit? What external customers always wanted to work with you—and when the phone rang with their number on it, your employer heard cha-ching! These people love paying your employer because they get to work with you. On your evangelists list will be the people always telling others about you and your outstanding work. They recommended you for special projects or awards. They constantly encouraged and supported you in seeking promotions. They worked with you in the past and are very happy to serve as references. Or they know you and your work well through an association or group you’re both part of. These are the people who appreciate you, trust you, and go to bat for you. Step Two All right, have your cha-ching! and your evangelists lists? From here on out, the process is the same whether you own a business or are a career professional. Now you need to sort these lists. Look at all the names you’ve written down across both lists. You’ll start to notice some similarities. Whatever you notice, sort them into groups according to those characteristics. This might include wanting help with a specific outcome, like veterans needing career guidance as they reenter civilian life, or CEOs wanting to win an award like Great Place to Work. Maybe they’re old-school retailers who want more of a digital presence on social media. It might be bringing systems and processes to their chaotic workday. Perhaps they are partially deaf and want to hear sound clearly when watching TV, or they want to rebuild their strength after pregnancy (yes, these are real niches my clients have uncovered). Or these groups might be sorted by one or more of the following:  Demographics: age, gender, marital status, religion, nationality, education, income Psychographics: beliefs, attitudes, and guiding principles that prevail when determining how they think and behave Geographic: physical location, country, state, city, county, postcode, subdivision Behaviors: why people do what they do, the patterns of their lives It could be that they have specific wants, needs, fears, or problems in common. These might be competing business demands, leadership problems, an unusual plateau in what would normally be a long history of growth, or a particular life event that led to a shift in priorities. I have one client whose niche is all alumni of the same school. Another one’s niche is empty nesters looking to build their forever home. Maybe your niche loves musicals or orchestras. Maybe they’re working moms or stay-at-home dads. Just as you got exhaustive with the names on your two lists, get exhaustive about coming up with every kind of conceivable way to sort your lists into multiple groups that share characteristics. Finally, before we move to the next step, a word of warning. Don’t make the mistake of disregarding groups with just a few names within them. In the final chapter of my previous book, I introduced Wendy and explained how we discovered her niche based on just two clients. If you’ve read my first book, you already know her story, but let me recap. Wendy was a struggling Mandarin-language coach. Like many other markets where there is fierce local and global competition, there were competitors willing to provide the