Personal Relationships PDF

Lesson 1 Personal Relationship 1. *Relationship* - a relation between people - a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection) 2. *Personal relationships* - relationships between people, especially those between friends, lovers an...

Lesson 1 Personal Relationship 1. *Relationship* - a relation between people - a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection) 2. *Personal relationships* - relationships between people, especially those between friends, lovers and family members 3. *Love* - strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personalities \ - attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers 4. *Commitment* - the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action - a message that makes a pledge 5. *Attraction* - the act, power, or property of attracting - attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement - a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices 6. *Responsibility* - the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force - a form of trustworthiness; the trait of being answerable to someone for **Personal Relationships** - refer to close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from them, we need skills, information, inspiration, practice and social support. Three Kinds of Personal Relationships 1. **FAMILY** - The Bureau of the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one household." 2. **FRIENDS** - A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. - Researchers find that the average person has about six close ties -- though some have more, and may have only one or none. 3. **PARTNERSHIPS** - Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy and romantic love. - We usually experience this kind of relationship with only one person at a time. **Why Personal Relationships are Important?** - Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and well-being. - There is compelling evidence that strong relationships contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. - The health risks from being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable to the risks associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity. #### Reading: WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT - **Live longer**. A review of 148 studies found that people with strong social relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely. Similarly, Dan Buettner's Blue Zones research calculates that committing to a life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy (Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have found that men's life expectancy benefits from marriage more than women's do.) - **Deal with stress**. The support offered by a caring friend can provide a buffer against the [effects of stress](http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/wellbeing/health/stress-mastery). In a study of over 100 people, researchers found that people who completed a stressful task experienced a faster recovery when they were reminded of people with whom they had strong relationships. (Those who were reminded of stressful relationships, on the other hand, experienced even more stress and higher blood pressure.) - **Be healthier**. According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen, college students who reported having strong relationships were half as likely to catch a common cold when exposed to the virus. In addition, 2012 international Gallup poll found - **Feel richer**. A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research of 5,000 people found that doubling your group of friends has the same effect on your wellbeing as a 50% increase in income! - **Depression.** Loneliness has long been commonly associated with depression, and now research is backing this correlation up: a 2012 study of [breast cancer](http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/conditions/cancer) patients found that those with fewer satisfying social connections experienced higher levels of [depression](http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/conditions/anxiety-depression), pain, and fatigue. - **Decreased immune function.** The authors of the same study also found a correlation between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social connections can increase your chances of becoming sick. - 1. **Affairs / infidelity / cheating**. This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships (including 'sexting'), long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity 2. **Sexual Issues**, particularly loss of libido and including questions around your gender, or your partner\'s gender 3. Significant differences in **core values and beliefs** 4. **Life stages** -- you have **'outgrown'** each other or have **'changed'** significantly for whatever reason 5. **Traumatic** and/or Life-Changing Events 6. Responses to prolonged periods of **Stress**, such as **Work-Related Stress**, long- term **illness**, **mental health** issues, **Financial** Problems, problems with 7. **Bored** in or with Your Relationship 8. Dealing with a **jealous** partner 9. Having **\'blended\' family issues** 10. Domestic **violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most serious relationship problem.** 11. Knowing you **should not have got married in the first place!** 12. **Unrealistic Expectations**- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not seeing the \'real\' human being 13. **Addictions** - substance abuse 14. Excessive reliance on **social media**, at the cost of the relationship 15. **Lack of support** during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you 16. **Manipulation** or over-involvement in your relationships with **family or friends** 17. **Lack of communication** about important matters 18. Poor division of and / or **one-sided** lack of responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not always women who complain about this relationship problem! 19. **Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness:** feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big one! 20. Significant personal **disappointments** and traumas that lead to a change in relationship dynamics 21. Long term **depression** or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or both 22. Significant differences in opinion on how to **discipline / deal with the children** 23. **Long-term stress**, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it cannot be changed 24. An unsupportive partner during **pregnancy** and / or significant problems after the birth your baby. #### Reading: NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: **ATTRACTION, LOVE AND COMMITMENT** **[ATTRACTION]** - attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement - a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices **INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION** When you have a positive attitude or evaluation regarding a particular person in relation to different components **KEY COMPONENTS OF ATTRACTION** 1. **Physical Attractiveness** 2. **Similarity** 3. **Proximity** 4. **Reciprocity** **[LOVE]** - strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personalities. - attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers - affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. - Robert Strenberg (1988) suggests that there are three main components of love. Love relationships vary and it depends on the presence or absence of each of these components. **Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love** **INTIMACY** is an intimate interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. It is characterized by friendship, familiarity, or romantic love. It involves closeness, connectedness, and bondedness. **PASSION** is an intense emotion, a compelling enthusiasm or desire for something. **COMMITMENT** is the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something. It is an act deciding to consistently fulfil and live by agreements made with another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a guide to one's behaviour and thinking. The easy ways to express your commitment to your relationships is to show love and loyalty, respect and appreciate others, convey honesty and trust, work as a team and compromise, and disagree agreeably. **Love occurs not solely between romantic partners only. Humans can experience different types of love in various relationships, such as with romantic partners, friends, family and even strangers. Ancient Greeks studied love and denote each type by giving each one a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a theory love styles which are derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.** **TYPES OF LOVE** **PHILIA -- Affectionate Love** **It is love that runs deep in true friendships. Love without romantic attraction and occurs between friends and family members. It is called brotherly love when both people share the same values and respect each other.** **Ways to show this love:** - **Engage in deep conversation with a friend.** - **Exchange beliefs and imperfections with close friends.** - **Be open and trustworthy** - **Be supportive in difficult times.** **PRAGMA -- Enduring Love** **Ways to show this love:** - **Continue to strengthen the bond of long term relationships** - **Seek and show effort with your partner.** - **Choose to work with your partner forever** - **Sacrifice your time, self or personal pleasures.** - **Quickly forgive harmful actions.** - **Share memorable and impactful moments.** - **Show gratitude towards the people close to you.** - **Admiring someone's physical body** - **Engage in physical touch such as hugging and kissing but it is not appropriate for you yet.** **Ways to show this love:** - **Spend time together to laugh and have fun** - **Exemplify child like behaviour together.** **MANIA --Obsessive Love** **Obsessiveness or madness over a love partner is mania. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness.** **Ways to avoid this love:** - **Recognize obsessive or possessive behaviour before acting upon it.** - **Focus on yourself more than another person.** - **Put trust into your relationships** **PHILAUTIA --Self Love** **It is having a healthy "self-compassion" love towards one's self.** **It is when you recognize your self-worth and don't ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.** **THE BAD SIDE** **Hubris (/ˈhjuːbrɪs/; from Ancient Greek ὕβρις (húbris) \'pride, insolence, outrage\'), or less frequently hybris (/ˈhaɪbrɪs/), describes a personality quality of extreme or excessive pride or dangerous overconfidence, often in combination with (or synonymous with) arrogance** **Ways to avoid this love:** - **Respect, accept ad appreciate yourself.** - **Create environment that nurtures your well-being.** - **Take care of yourself like a parent would care for a child** - **Spend time around people who supports you.** **AGAPE --Selfless Love, Unconditional Love** **It is an empathetic attitude of love for everyone and anyone. It is the highest love to offer. It is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is considered as unconditional love.** **Agape is a girl\'s name of Greek origin, meaning "love," "affection," and "esteem." Agape is an incredibly prevalent word in Christianity and refers to the fatherly love of God for humans and their reciprocity** - **Dedicate your life to improve the lives of others.** - **Stay conscious of your actions for the good of humankind.** - **Offer your time and charity to someone in need.** - **Express unconditional love in any situation** **[COMMITMENT]** - **the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action** - **Dr. Rajiv Jhangiani and Dr. Hammond Tarry reiterated the Slotter et al., 2011 that "commitment refers to the feelings and action that keep partners working together to maintain the relationship".** **Below are some collected ideas on how to exercise expressing affections and developed into a commitment for any kinds of relationship.** **Stay happy. Happiness gives you the feeling of satisfaction for both abstract and concrete things.** **Be empathic. Empathizing with another is acting with greater cooperation and overall altruism---the desire to help, even at a potential cost to the self.** ***Keep open communication*. It provides an opportunity to size up the trustworthiness of a person by verbally committing to cooperate with another.** ***Always trust*. Working with others toward a common goal requires a level of faith that others will repay our hard work and generosity. Supporting their interests is also showing your trust.** ***Show respect*. People are likely to give respect to others by being polite, honest, and by showing kindness all the time.** ***Be a helping hand*. In times of trouble (e.g. mentally/ emotionally), make him/her feel that he/she always has you on his/her side.** **[Responsibility]** - **a form of trustworthiness; the trait of being answerable to someone for something or being responsible for one's conduct** #### Reading: TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG-LASTING, 1. **YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST** 2. **PARTNERING IS A CHOICE** 3. **CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS** 4. **RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW** 5. **COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL** 6. **NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED** 7. **YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY CHANGE** 8. **YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE** 9. 10. **YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL IN LOVE** **Lesson 2: Healthy Relationships *for teens* *Relationships are difficult & take time to get right!*** **Why are Healthy Relationships Important?** - **We engage with many people in our daily lives. It is helpful when we can form meaningful relationships with those people.** - **Being in a good relationship helps us:** - **Know ourselves** - **Develop as a person** - **Grow emotionally** - **Communicate & maintain meaningful bonds with other people** - **Enjoy life & have fun!** **What Makes a Healthy Relationship?** - **Respect** - **Trust** - **Honesty** - **Communication** **The Media & Relationships** - **Exposure** - **How are relationships portrayed in the media?** - **Facts** - **Most relationships on TV are superficial, short term & "easy."** - **Out of the TV shows that contain overt sexual content, only 15% discuss risk & responsibility.** **Respect:You have to give it to get it!** - **Everyone deserves respect.** - **Trust & support each other** - **Value each other\'s independence** - **Have the freedom to be yourself** - **Talk honestly** **Being Respectful** - **Respect each person as an individual. A healthy partnership means learning about the other person & valuing what's important to them.** - **Respect in a relationship means that each person values the other & understands -- & would never challenge -- the other person's boundaries.** - **Respect yourself** - **Show respect with your words & actions** ***Activity -- Show Respect or Circle or Respect*** **Trust** - **Trust - Means that you feel that you can count on each other & that the other person will be there for you. Trust needs to be earned over time & can be lost with a broken promise.** - **Proving you are reliable and responsible** - **What happens in a relationship without trust?** - **Second guessing** - **Not believing each other** - **Betrayal by sharing secrets** - **Obsessively checking on the person** - **Being honest helps gain & maintain trust.** - **Trust is essential in a healthy relationship** **Honesty** - **Be Honest about thoughts & feelings. It is the real me" that our partner wants to get to know.** - **Honesty goes hand-in-hand with trust.** - **It's hard to trust or believe someone when they have lied in the past. Once someone has been dishonest, it takes time to regain trust in a relationship.** **Communication** - **Communication - Is how we show our respect, trust & honesty & it requires listening & sharing thoughts & feelings.** - **Being able to talk & listen to each other.** - **It is based on honesty & trust.** **Communicating --** **Body Language and Tone** - **Body language & tone can express more than words!** - **Activity: Using Body Language** **Boundaries** - **It is your responsibility to establish & enforce** **your own boundaries. Tell people your boundaries.** - **Types of boundaries:** - **Physical -- This is your personal space.** - **Sexual - We define our limits on what is safe & appropriate** **sexual behaviour.** - **Emotional -- This is your feelings & reactions & is defined by what you feel is safe & appropriate ways for people to treat you.** - **Relational - Parent, partner, friend, colleague, acquaintance,** **boss, etc. Roles & context define the limits of appropriate interactions. Each relationship has different boundaries.** - **Understand & honor boundaries.** - **Understand when boundaries can/cannot be crossed** **-- duty to report.** **Evaluating Friendships** **Some people we spend time with give us energy while others may be draining.** - **Think about the people in your life, do they energize you or drain you?** - **Is there respect, trust, honesty &** **communication?** - **It this a real friendship?** - **Is the friendship worth it?** - **Is this a healthy friendship?** ***Activity - Ad for a Friend*** **When Something's Wrong...** **Using drugs & alcohol can interfere with building the key components of a healthy relationship:** - **Respect** - **Communication** - **Trust** - **Honesty** **How do you think drugs & alcohol can affect your relationships?** **What is an Unhealthy Relationship?** **An unhealthy relationship may include:** - **Teasing or bullying** - **Power struggles** - **Angry outbursts** - **Withholding love** - **Coercion or peer pressure** - **Unreasonable demands** - **Humiliation** ***A Healthy Relationship NEVER includes these things!*** **Red Lights** **Does the other person...?** - **Put you down** - **Get extremely jealous or possessive** - **Constantly check up on you** - **Tell you how to dress** - **Try to control what you do & who you see** - **Have big mood swings** - **Make you feel nervous (like you are walking on eggshells)** - **Criticize you** - **Threaten to hurt you** ***Activity -- Friendship Spotlight Game*** **Danger Signs** - **Not talking & avoiding problems** - **Lack of trust, respect, honesty & communication** - **Lack of balance/Trying to control you** - **Pressuring you to make the relationship serious** - **Pressuring you to have sex** - **Extreme jealousy & possessiveness** - **Not taking your views or desires seriously** - **Trying to stop you from spending time with friends/family** - **Having abused a previous partner** - **Defending the use of violence by others** **Sexuality** **Is your romantic relationship ready for sex?** **Things to consider:** - **Are you aware of your options & the consequences of being sexual active?** **(ex: STI's, pregnancy)** - **Are you balancing all aspects of your life in your decision, including your present desires & future goals?** - **Make a conscious choice.** **Relationship Violence** - **Females are most often the victims of abuse - 95%of all victims in an abusive relationship are women** - **¼ of high school students experience dating violence** - **40% of females murdered in Canada are killed by their partners** - **Over 70% of pregnant/parenting teens are beaten by their boyfriends** - **Dating violence is an indicator of future abuse** - **Jealousy & possessiveness are tools used to take control** ***Remember...It is not the victim's fault.*** ***Nobody deserves to be abused.*** **Cycle of Violence** - **Tension Building Criticism, yelling, swearing, angry gestures, coercion or threats** - **Explosion/Violence Physical & sexual attacks or threats** - **Calm/Seduction Apologies, promises to change or gifts** **What keeps the cycle in motion?** - **Love for the abuser: Believing that the relationship is not entirely bad** - **Hope: Thinking things will change or it\'s just a phase** - **Fear: Worrying that threats will become a reality & so are afraid to end the relationship** **What exactly is the dating violence cycle? It includes: (read points on the slide)** **Jealousy and possessiveness are two of the most common warning signs of dating abuse. Abusers use them to control the other person's behavior.** **These elements can keep the cycle in motion:** **Love for the abuser: Believing that the relationship is not entirely bad** **Hope: Thinking things will change or it\'s just a phase** **Fear: Worrying that threats will become a reality and so are afraid to end the relationship** **Myths of Dating Violence** - **"He/she will never do it again."** - **"I am not being abused."** - **"I will leave when the time is right."** - **"It only happens to girls."** ***Activity - Myth or Fact Domestic Violence & Teen Relationship Abuse*** **Many people in abusive relationships are in denial. *They cling to the myth...*** **1)...that their partner will never do it again. Saying he or she will never do it again is futile because violence is a pattern of behaviors. Rarely does someone abuse their partner only once.** **2)...that they are not being abused. Dating abuse does include physical and sexual violence. But it also can include emotional and verbal abuse, which includes put-downs, insults, and threats.** **3)...that they will leave when the time is right. People stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons. These include fear of being alone, emotional dependence, confusion, low self-esteem, not realizing that it's abuse, or a belief that the abuser will change.** **4)...that it only happens to girls. Males can also be victims in controlling and abusive relationships. They can be embarrassed to confess that they are being abused because they, the abuser, and other people sometimes have a bias that "only females are abused..."** **Helping a Friend** **-- Warning Signs** - **Is your friend:** - **Becoming more isolated from family & friends?** - **Not participating in activities he/she formerly enjoyed?** - **Spending an excessive amount of time with the other person?** - **Displaying physical & emotional signs of abuse?** - **Constantly canceling plans for reasons that don't sound true?** - **Always worry about making their boy/girlfriend angry?** - **Give up things that are important?** - **Tell you that they get pressured into having sex, or talk about feeling like a sex object?** - **Have a boy/girlfriend that wants them to be available all the time?** **If the answer is "yes" to many of these questions, your friend could** **be in an abusive relationship.** **Deal with an Unhealthy Relationship** - **Help them to recognize that feeling bad about themselves is not \"normal\" & that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.** - **Be a good listener & offer support.** - **Offer to go with them to find a counselor or support group, or to talk to someone they trust like their family, friends, guidance counsellor, teacher or nurse.** - **Encourage them to find strength & be brave.** - **Don't make them feel bad for their choices - even if you think these choices are wrong.** - **Be patient, it can take time for your friend to make changes.** - **Remember that you cannot \"rescue\" them.** **What Should You Do?** - **In an unhealthy relationship, you can:** - **Work it out** - **End the relationship** - **If you are being abused:** - **Tell someone about the abuse.** - **Talk to your partner & explain that** **you will leave if the abuse don't stop.** - **If you are abusing:** - **Talk to a friend, counsellor or someone you trust. Abuse is a learned behaviour & you can change it!** - **If you're in a relationship that you feel you can\'t get out of, try talking to someone you trust & who may be in a position to help!** **What can you do about abusive relationship? If you are being abused, you should consider how much you care about the relationship. If you really care about the relationship, try to work it out before you end it. Maybe you should spend some time apart, and then figure out what went wrong after you have cooled off. Although, if the relationship is violent, it will be better to end it now! Reporting physical abuse can help protect you in case the abuser pursues you after you leave the relationship.** **If a friend is in an unhealthy relationship, talk to him/her, explain why you think it is harmful, and offer to help him/her get help. There are also hotlines, internet sites and counselors dedicated to offering teens advice and support.** **Here are some suggestions for helping a friend deal with an unhealthy or violent relationship.** - **Help them to recognize that feeling bad about themselves is not \"normal\" and that they deserve a healthy, non-violent relationship.** - **Encourage their strength and courage.** - **Do not make them feel bad for their choices - even if you think these choices are wrong.** - **Offer to go with them to find a counselor or support group, or to talk to their family, friends or teachers.** - **Remember that you cannot \"rescue\" them.** **Have you ever had any of these experiences, such as recognizing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, ending a relationship, helping a friend? What decision did you make?** **Coping with a Break Up** **Understanding & accepting that a relationship is over can be tough. You might feel sad, angry, confused, lonely, embarrassed & like you\'ll never find love again -- That's Normal!** **There's no magic cure for a broken heart, here's ways to help you cope:** - **Keep busy. Get involved in different activities. Focusing on other things can help you move on with your life, meet new people & discover new interests.** - **Focus on your good qualities. It\'s easy to feel discouraged. Be kind to yourself. Remember your good points. Are you a good friend or talented athlete? Do you have nice eyes or a great smile?** - **Give yourself time to heal. It may take a few days, weeks or even take months. It\'s normal to feel like you won\'t ever get over it. Recovering from a break up isn\'t easy so give yourself time.** - **Talk about it. Sharing with others can help you feel like you're not alone.** - **Write about it. Putting your thoughts on paper is a safe & private way to cope with stress.** **Basic Rights in a Relationship** - **The right to emotional support** - **The right to be heard by other and to respond** - **The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's** - **The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real** - **The right to live free from accusations and blame** - **The right to live free from cticicism and judgement** - **The right to live free from emotional and physical threat** - **The right to live free from angry outburst and rage** - **The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered** **The ABC's of Healthy Relationships** **A: Awareness** - **What is awareness?** - **General knowledge** - **Knowing consequences** - **Prevention of violence** **B: Balance** - **What does balance mean?** - **Nothing is one-sided** - **Communication** - **Both people have valuable opinions** - **Having other friends and interests** **C: Choices** - **Make a conscious choice** - **Don't let things "just happen"** **The ABC's in Action: Evaluating a Friendship** **Is the friendship worth it?** - **Are you aware of all the risks?** - **Is there balance in your friendship?** - **What are your choices? Make a conscious choice.** **Is this a healthy friendship?** **Lesson 3: Social Relationships in Middle and Late Adolescence** **What is Social Relationship?** - **Social relations are broadly defined as any relationship or interaction between two or more individuals.** - **The relationships adolescents have with their peers, family, and members of their social sphere play a vital role in their development..** - When children go through puberty , there is often a significant increase in parent-child conflict and a decrease in cohesive familial bonding. Arguments often concern new issues of control, such as curfew, acceptable clothing, and the right to privacy. - Parent-adolescent disagreement also increases as friends demonstrate a greater impact on the child; this is especially true when parents do not approve of new friends\' values or behavior. - As adolescents work to form their identities, they pull away from their parents, and the peer group becomes very important. The level of influence that peers can have over an adolescent makes these relationships particularly important in personal development. - As children begin to create bonds with various people, they start to form friendships; high quality friendships may enhance your development regardless of the particular characteristics of those friends. - Peer groups offer members of the group the opportunity to develop social skills such as empathy, sharing, and leadership. #### Reading: TEENAGERS WHO JOIN YOUTH GROUPS AND OTHER CLUBS ARE HAPPIER AND LESS LIKELY TO DRINK - joining a Youth Club, a scouting group or a local environmental or clean-up group - helping with a primary school play, or coordinating or coaching junior sport - setting up an arts space for the community or getting involved in youth radio - being part of a youth advisory group through the local council - promoting causes -- for example, clean environment, recycling, get active in sports - The concept of servant-leadership is thousands of years old. - Adapted from "The Servant as Leader" written by Robert. K Greenleaf (1970): - The servant-leader is servant first... It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead. That person is sharply different from one who is leader first... -...The best test, and difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society? Will they benefit or at least not be further deprived?\" 1. the moral component, not only in terms of the personal morality and integrity of the servant-leader, but also in terms of the way in which a servant-leader encourages enhanced moral reasoning among his or her followers, who can therefore test the moral basis of the servant-leader\'s visions and organizational goals; 2. the focus on serving followers for their own good, not just the good of the organization, and forming long-term relationships with followers, encouraging their growth and development so that over time they may reach their fullest potential; 3. concern with the success of all stakeholders, broadly defined---employees, customers, business partners, communities, and society as a whole---including those who are the least privileged; and **\ Larry Spears' Ten Characteristics of a Servant Leader (from Greenleaf's work)** **Characteristic Breakout** **Breaking out Spears' characteristics into 3 dimensions...** **Servant Characteristics** **!. LISTENING** **This communication skill is essential for a servant leader and needs to be developed.** **Verbal: Listen actively to others and support them. Be silent or ask only clarifying questions.** **Body Language: Pay attention to what remains unspoken.** **Seeing: Going to Gemba, sitting with the team, silently observing and acknowledging without trying to influence or judge.** 1. **EMPATHY** **Ability to understand and share the feelings of another.** **3. HEALING** **Ability to heal one's self and others.** - **A servant leader may be able to help heal an individual or system through listening, empathy, understanding, and creativity.** - **A servant leader helps people solve their problems and conflicts in relationships and encourages the personal development of individuals and the creation of trusting teams and cultures.** **Leader Characteristics** **4. AWARENESS** **View situations from an integrated and holistic position** **Based on: Improved general awareness and Self- awareness** **Leads to: an Improved understanding of ethics and values** **Outcome: Aim to increase awareness among all team members.** **5. PERSUASION** **Focus on convincing rather than coercion, be open to the best outcome and other's sides** **Based on: Trust, Honesty, Knowledge** **Not Based on: Emotions, Hierarchy in the Organization, Power (Coercing compliance)** **6. CONCEPTUALIZATION** **Being able to imagine a better future** - **To communicate and spark excitement in this future vision.** - **A servant leader helps others to conceptualize, to encourage the belief in the possibility of change through sustained effort, and by carrying forward and helping to unify a common conceptual vision in a team.** - **Skill and the ability to teach systems thinking, innovation, and accelerated learning are important characteristics of an effective servant leader- stimulating aspiration, and not desperation.** **7. FORESIGHT** **Ability to foresee the likely outcome of a situation** **Based on:** - **Knowledge** - **Insight** - **Experience** - **Ability to identify patterns** **Leads to:** - **Learning about the past to understand the current reality** - **Identifying consequences about the future** - **Translating patterns to achieve outcomes** **Combined Characteristics (SERVANT\_LEADER CHARACTERISTICS** **8. Stewardship** - **Entrusted with resources of others** - **Return on investments** **9. Commitment to the Growth of People** - **"Green and growing or ripe and dying" (Hunter)** - **Not just your favorites** **10. Building Community** - **Effectiveness** - **Camaraderie** **Greenleaf's Model of Servant Leadership** - **Servant leaders are leaders who put other people's needs, aspirations and interest above their own.** - **Servant leaders deliberate choice is to serve others.** - **Servant leader's chief motive is to serve first, as opposed to lead.** **Leading Enough to Serve** - **Focus on the Organization** - **Humble, no ego or pride** - **Emphasize the role of others in success** - **Accept responsibility in failures** - **Constantly seek opportunities for improvement** - **Roll up your sleeves** - **Stress what is best for the organization, not the few** - **360° Support** - **Listen to Stakeholders** - **No job too big, no job too small** - **Participate, listen and build consensus to lead, not manage** **Far more...** **How Does One Become A Servant Leader?** - **From what we can understand, becoming a servant leader is more a state of mind than a set of directions.** - **Becoming a servant leader does not follow a step -by -step process.** - **This style of leadership development is an on-going, life-long learning process.** Lesson 4: Family Structure and Legacies **GENOGRAM/ FAMILY TREE** It is a useful tool for gathering information about a person\'s family. This visual representation of a family can help us to identify patterns or themes within families that may be influencing or driving a person\'s current behavior. - ***Nuclear family:*** A family unit consisting of at most a father, mother and dependent - ***Extended family:*** A family consisting of parents and children, along with grandparents, grandchildren, aunts or uncles, cousins etc. In some circumstances, the extended family comes to live either with or in place of a member of the nuclear family. - ***Step families:*** Two families brought together due to divorce, separation, and remarriage. - ***Single parent family:*** This can be either a father or a mother who is singly responsible for the raising of a child. The child can be by birth or adoption. They may be a single parent by choice or by life circumstances. The other parent may have been part of the family at one time or not at all. - ***Adoptive family*:** A family where one or more of the children has been adopted. Any structure of family may also be an adoptive family. - ***Bi-racial or multi-racial family***: A family where the parents are members of different racial identity groups. - ***Trans-racial adoptive family*:** A family where the adopted child is of a different racial identity group than the parents. - ***Blended family*:** A family that consists of members from two (or more) previous families. - ***Conditionally separated families**:* A family member is separated from the rest of the family. This may be due to employment far away; military service; incarceration; hospitalization. They remain significant members of the family. - ***Foster family***: A family where one or more of the children is legally a temporary member of the household. This "temporary" period may be as short as a few days or as long as the child's entire childhood. - ***Gay or Lesbian family:*** A family where one or both of the parents' sexual orientation is gay or lesbian. This may be a two-parent family, an adoptive family, a single parent family or an extended family. - ***Immigrant family**:* A family where the parents have immigrated to another country as adults. Their children may or may not be immigrants. Some family members may continue to live in the country of origin, but still be significant figures in the life of the child. - ***Migrant family*:** A family that moves regularly to places where they have employment. The most common form of migrant family is farm workers who move with the crop seasons. Children may have a relatively stable community of people who move at the same time - or the family may know no one in each new setting. Military families may also lead a migrant life, with frequent relocation, often on short notice. - Provides a safe environment in which deep emotional roots can grow. - Fosters confidence through stability. - Conveys a tone of trusting support. - Nurtures a strong sense of positive identity. - Creates a "resting place" for the soul. - Demonstrates unconditional love. - Respect, beginning with themselves and working out to other people. - Responsibility, fostered by respect for themselves, that is cultivated by assigning children duties within the family, making them accountable for their actions, and giving them room to make wrong choices once in a while. - Unconditional love and acceptance by their parents, combined with conditional acceptance when the parents discipline for bad behavior or actions. - The setting of social boundaries concerning how to relate to God, authority, peers, the environment and siblings. - Rules that are given within a loving relationship Lesson 5: PERSONS and Careers #### Reading: TEN MYTHS ABOUT CAREER PLANNING BUSTED! #### Lecturette: CAREER CONCEPTS #### Influence Factors #### Work with your career counselor! ##### *Reading: SUPER'S CAREER DEVELOPMENT THEORY* #### Super's five life and career development stages -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- - Dr. Donald E. Super was born on July 10, 1910, in Honolulu, Hawaii. - His parents were Paul and Margaret Louise (Stump) from Missouri. - Super received his Doctorate of Science degree from Oxford University. - At the beginning of this career, Super began working at the YMCA as an employment counselor from 1930's-1940's (Savickas, 1994). - Super was the founding director of the Cleveland (Ohio) Guidance Services was also later the director of Clark University's Student Personnel Bureau. - Super was well known for his work within the vocational guidance era and later transitioned into counseling psychology which consists of both career counseling and life planning (Savickas, 1994). - Donald Super was also recognized for his theories that he developed within career counseling - **Extroversion (E)** is the personality trait of seeking fulfillment from sources outside the self or in community. High scorers tend to be very social while low scorers prefer to work on their projects alone. - **Agreeableness (A)** reflects much individuals adjust their behavior to suit others. High scorers are typically polite and like people. Low scorers tend to 'tell it like it is'. - **Conscientiousness (C)** is the personality trait of being honest and hardworking. High scorers tend to follow rules and prefer clean homes. Low scorers may be messy and cheat others. - **Neuroticism (N)** is the personality trait of being emotional. - **Openness to Experience (O)** is the personality trait of seeking new experience and intellectual pursuits. High scores may day dream a lot. Low scorers may be very down to earth. **WORK VALUES** - Values are important part in the career decision-making process. - It is important to select career options, which best fit your values - Your work values may change as work situation change - It is important to evaluate your work values often Lesson 6: Career Pathways #### Reading: WORK/OCCUPATIONAL ENVIRONMENTS AND INTERESTS #### Interests Types #### Reading: CHOOSE YOUR CAREER FIRST -- NOT YOUR COLLEGE #### Your College Roadmap #### The Back-Up Plan Lesson 7: INSIGHTS INTO ONE'S PERSONAL DEVELOPMEN **These factors are one of the reasons why we have our own unique personalities.** 1. **Communication Skills** These include [VERBAL & NON-VERBAL]. Cited by the [PEOPLE MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATION of the PHILIPPINES (PMAP)] that both are the best assets that an employee should posses. [ENHANCING communication skills] will greatly prepare one for the world of work, as you will be judged by the impression you give when you communicate. **You need good communication skills to be able to productively work in a team as well as to effectively lead others.** 2\. **Speaking Skills** This factor is a [powerful mechanism] to influence others. It is a tool to let your audience know your thoughts and feelings. [Effective communication] is characterized by sincerity, which happens through good eye contact and consistent explanations. [Rate, pitch, tone, articulation & knowing the audience] are some factors needed for effective speaking. 3\. **Conversation Skills** Is needed to [maintain] a collaborative atmosphere in the group. Demonstrating [sincere openness] to know a person more. [Showing interest] makes one an interesting person. **4. Telephone Skills** When [RECEIVING CALLS:] - First caller is [prioritized] - [Remain] professional - How you answer the call [reflects an image] of the whole family. - If you are taking a message for another person. [Politely] tell that the person is unavailable & inform the person after if he/she has arrived. 5\. **Writing Skills** TIPS! - [Plan] the content - [Write] the ideas & arrange them in order. - [Combine] the ideas together & examine the thought process. - Be [concise.] - Use [proper] Grammar, Spelling, & punctuation. - [Avoid] informal language. 6\. **Listening Skills** Is giving [FULL ATTENTION] to the person one talks to and is willing to understand what is being said. TWO TYPES of LISTENING - [PASSIVE LISTENING] -- listening without understanding the meaning. - [ACTIVE LISTENING] -- listening and understanding the meaning. 7\. **Body Language** Communication through [FACIAL EXPRESSION], [POISE], [POSTURE], & [MANNERISMS] is called [Non-Verbal Communication]. People around us get clues as to how we feel or think through body language. 8\. **Time & Stress Management Skills** If one is able to manage time accordingly then the person is [able to reduce stress and stays focused] more to the activity. If one is able to manage stress properly then the person can [easily cope with difficult times & not put him/herself into stressful times.] Career success involves DETERMINING WHEN TO SAY "NO" and focusing on the things that are really essential in realizing your goals. Learn how to be kind to yourself, set goals which are realistic but not less than your innate abilities. Go the extra mile but accept the things that you cannot do and be honest about it. Be wise to plan ahead and prepare yourself for possible challenges you might encounter. **Remember that you are a problem solver!** 9\. **Personal Care & Personal Appearance** Both of these factors are very important in [ones workplace.] A [professional appearance] is an image depicting confidence and reliability [Personal hygiene] is part and parcel of career success Avoid vices. Have a balanced diet and good exercise. Staying healthy plays a critical role in realizing your goals. 10\. **Personal Finances** Knowing how to manage personal finances [determines priorities], [values], & [motivation to realize one's goal]. **Improving Personal Weaknesses** Allows one to assess his or her personal status in deciding on their career. It will serve as a [gauge to know] where one is right now, so that he or she will [know the direction] that they are able to take. As SHS students, a wide range of emotions, expectations and career planning will come your way. The personal development that every person goes through is like a journey. The decisions should be long- term to enable you to finish the goals. Personal Development is a series of stages that is experienced by an individual to achieve one's full potential. As the famous quote by George Bernard Shaw says, **"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."** Based on **Randal Hansen,** the following are **seven tips** will help lead you to success from high school to college -- and beyond 1\. **Do Not Stop High School** Continues education is one of the key to success, whether it is a four (4) year course or two (2) 2\. **Finalize College Plan** Discuss this with family and friends and match it with your interests. Choose the school, college or university that best suits your needs 3\. **Avoid the Senior Slump** Grades matter in Senior high school, so it's better to give your best and aim for high grades 4\. **Challenge Yourself** Keep challenging yourself to make you better. Advance courses that may be beneficial for your career choice are offered by some schools and universities 5\. **Stay Involved** Active participation in extra-curricular activities will help develop your skills and potentials. It can also increase self-confidence and boost morale 6\. **Strive for Balance** Try to balance your academics and your extra- curricular activities. Time management is also important to make it work for you. 7\. **Set Life & Career Goals** The road to success is not an easy path to take. Setting goals is important to keep you on the right track **Personality Development & It's Importance in Making Career Decision as Adolescent** **It is of utmost importance the value of life- long learning as an essential part in one's own personal development.** **The different stages in one's life will prepare the individual in one of the most crucial decisions they will make -- the is choosing a career path.** **According to Katherine Bradley, before a student finishes Highschool, they need to accomplish the following Goals** **1. Becoming a Lifelong Learner** **One of the major goals of some schools is for their students to develop lifelong learning.** **Teachers give necessary ideas that could help students understand the value of becoming a lifelong learner.** **2. Become Disciplined** **Enhancing self-discipline is an aim of public education.** **Being able to monitor one's own behavior is called self-discipline.** **3. Develop Positive Attitude** **The ability to see the maintaining value of the positive attitude, regardless of the situations** **4. Know their Limitations** **Every student possesses limitations in different school aspects. If those limitations were recognized as physical in nature, it should not be allowed to grow into something that can be a factor to block the student's abilities.** **Kuther & Morgan (2013)'s 7 Factors in Personal Development that may guide in making important career decisions as Adolescents** - **Critical Thinking Skills** - **Information Gathering Skills** - **Speaking & Writing Skills** - **Research Methodology & Statistical Analysis** - **Computer Literacy** - **Interpersonal & Intrapersonal Skills** - **Adaptability** **The personal development of the individual may be affected by different factors like stress, influences and decision making processes.** **Stressors of the individual may include:** - **Peer pressure** - **Geographical Location** - **Responsibilities** - **School** - **Environmental concerns** - **Financial constraints** - **Health concerns** **Factors In Personal Development Important in Career Decisions** **Do you see the values that represent these noble heroes?** - **Honesty** - **Dedication** - **Excellence** - **Love** - **Responsibility** - **Patience** - **Selflessness** **Making Your Career Plan** - **Goals** - **Values** - **Personality** - **Aptitude** - **Skills** - **Integration of life** #### Reading: YOUR PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT: YOU'RE NEVER TOO ##### *What is a personal mission statement?* - Education - Career - Personal attributes, such as honesty, loyalty and dedication - Family and personal relationships - How you want to live your life - Sports - Faith and spirituality - Community service