NMT150 PSY Lecture, Wk3 (1) PDF

WEEK 3 ATTACHMENT, ADAPTATION, AND AUTHENTICITY AUTHENTICITY EXPLORING AUTHENTICITY AS A CORE DEVELOPMENTAL NEED AUTHENTICITY What does authenticity mean to you? For our conversation here, how can we best understand authenticity? Some perspectives: Authenticity is about bei...

WEEK 3 ATTACHMENT, ADAPTATION, AND AUTHENTICITY AUTHENTICITY EXPLORING AUTHENTICITY AS A CORE DEVELOPMENTAL NEED AUTHENTICITY What does authenticity mean to you? For our conversation here, how can we best understand authenticity? Some perspectives: Authenticity is about being genuine as yourself, and also being honest with yourself. Its about living you truth, and bringing your real self forward. Being your Self. It is also about attending to your bodily experience and your emotional experience. Literally, being embodied and aware of your experience. Your authentic nature is aligned with the Vis and is reflected in a harmonious physiology, a balanced and dynamic meridian flow, and an intrinsic vitality  “Authenticity Is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice- a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ― Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection “We can only be authentic when we’re connected “I try to make music with with and in touch with our emotion and integrity. body and our feelings” “The privilege of And authenticity. You can feel when (Gabor Mate) a lifetime is to something's authentic, become who you and you can feel when truly are.” it's not: you know when ― Carl Gustav Jung someone's trying to make the club record, or “Authenticity is the trying to make the girl alignment of head, record, or trying to make mouth, heart, and feet - thinking, saying, feeling, the thug record. It's and doing the same thing none of that. It's just my - consistently.” emotions.” (Lance Secretan) (Jay-Z)  To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect—and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just as we are. I've learned that there is no better way to invite more grace, gratitude and joy into our lives than by mindfully practicing authenticity. Even when it's hard, and even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it. It's these moments in life that demand we show up— that we let go of who we think we're supposed to be and embrace who we really are. (Brene Brown) If you don’t remember the Brene Brown TED talk form last semester, or you’re not familiar with her work on authenticity, shame, and belonging– do yourself a favor and check her out AUTHENTICITY VS ATTACHMENT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3bynimi8HQ (4 min video with Dr. Gabor Mate, 2019) What happens when the authenticity need competes with or is in opposition to/in conflict with the need for attachment? à Belief: If I am myself, I will lose the relationships that are important to me (and in fact, are for a child necessary for survival) à Belief: I am not acceptable/loveable/good enough as I am; I should be different What other beliefs about ourselves might arise when we suppress our authenticity to try and meet our attachment needs? AUTHENTICITY VS ATTACHMENT SOME COMMON OUTCOMES OF SUPPRESSING OUR AUTHENTICITY: Minimizing, dismissing, or invalidating our own experience Putting other people’s needs before our own Developing a compulsive need to fulfil duty and responsibility rather meeting our own needs Suppressing strong emotions Disconnecting from our physical experience and bodily sensations Developing a belief that we are responsible for other people’s feelings Developing beliefs that limit our sense of safety, belonging, value, worth, and lovability REFLECTING ON MY OWN AUTHENTICITY: Am I in touch with my bodily experience? Do I honour and meet my own physical needs? Am I in touch with my emotions? Am I able to tolerate and experience my own emotions? Do I believe some emotions are to be avoided? Do I judge myself for certain emotions? Do I honour and meet my emotional needs? Who do I think I am supposed to be? Where did these ideas come from? In what ways do I consistently judge myself? What does this tell me about what I believe I “should” be? In what ways do I invalidate my own experience? What do I believe about myself that tells me my experience is wrong? Do I live my life according to my own deepest truths, or to fulfill someone else’s expectations? How much of what I have believed and done is actually my own? How much has been in service to a self-image I originally created because I believed it was necessary to please my parents? Who am I, at my most essential self? (adapted from Gabor Mate, MD) AUTHENTICITY CAN HEAL TRAUMA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFLS1MTreGU Gabor Mate, MD 18 min video, Nov 11/2022 (if interested, please check out the full 1hr:22 min presentation Dr. Mate offered in London, Nov 2022 + an additional 5 part conversation series. The required video, above, is part 2 of the 5-part conversation series.) ATTACHMENT SECURE – INSECURE: ANXIOUS, AVOIDANT, DISORGANIZED  "Each of us creates a unique worldview shaped by our life’s experiences." Bruce Perry's Reflections: "The human brain is a meaning making machine. It gets information through our senses and as you develop, it starts to integrate and organize sights, and sounds, and smells so that you create a unified image and representation of the world you live in. And that process is very much front loaded. So early in life, the experiences that you have are most influential in shaping that world view. So if you have consistent, predictable, nurturing caregiving, your brain starts to feel that the world is safe—that people are kind and trustworthy. On the other hand, if you have inconsistent, unpredictable, chaotic interactions with the people who are caring for you, your brain starts to view the world as an unsafe place. In that situation, it starts to create a whole set of protective adaptations that will in the moment be appropriate for the infant. But as you get older will be maladaptive for the developing child and adult." ATTACHMENT A connection between humans is necessary for survival, and is hard-wired into our mammalian biology Attachment is a survival need (and a high value survival need – much as oxygen and water are high-value survival needs) We will naturally gravitate towards adaptations that promote attachment and/or a positive response from attachment figures These adaptations are necessary for our survival in childhood, but may lead to negative outcomes later in life Remember: interpersonal neurobiology. Our brains and bodies, our emotions and thought patterns, our beliefs, expectations, and assumptions our relational positions, and our sense of self are all influenced by our early attachment experiences Attachment provides a perceptual template that (although permeable to intentional change) stays with us for the rest of our lives SECURE VS INSECURE ATTACHMENT AND ADAPTATIONS OF SELF attachment as the foundation of subconscious perceptual systems attachment = meeting discomfort and distress with reliable, loving care so as to soothe the baby/young child and establish CNS patterns of trust, security, and comfort. It's not about just one behaviour (eg: responding in 1 second when a baby cries) but about providing consistent and kind response that regulates and entrains emotional health and a healthy stress system. A securely attached relationship completes the natural stress cycle, alleviates toxic cortisol, and is a predictor of lifelong health outcomes (biological, social, psychological). 2 PATHWAYS, SAME END-GOAL 1. healthy attachment = secure attachment = positive relational experience = good for your brain = adaptive coping = resilient to life challenges = better physical and mental health outcomes 2. healthy attachment = trust and security in self/other = healthy sense of self, emotional regulation, assertive behavior = resilience to life challenges = better physical and mental health outcomes Attachment is the perceptual foundation of our experience of our self and forms the basis for our life narrative. it helps us to understand default patterns re: behaviour, stress, physiology, and relationship. It is NOT just about parents and kids-- it applies to every relationship, including the dr-pt relationship. It is malleable with experience and intention, and either acts as a resiliency factor to be drawn upon or a risk factor to be aware of. Understanding attachment in another requires that we are aware of our own experience, and invites us into a process of pattern recognition.  THE MAIN PATTERNS OF RELATIONAL EXPERIENCE: Secure style: approx. 60% of people; safety within themselves and in relation; an internalized sense of security; people feel comfortable with intimacy and with independence; I’m ok, you’re ok 3 insecure styles: Anxious style: template is safety in the presence of another; people are often preoccupied with their relationships; they find safety in the immediate presence of another; they may pursue the other and tend to worry about the other person's ability to love them back; I'm not ok you’re ok: high dependence + low avoidance (poor internal model for self creates great need for relationship) Avoidant style: template is safety in disconnection from others; people learned that emotions are not safe; they tend to equate intimacy with a loss of independence and may subconsciously try to protect themselves from meaningful connection; I'm ok, you’re not ok: low dependence + high avoidance Disorganized style: there was no template for safety, resulting in chronic tension between connection and disconnection; I’m not ok, you’re not ok, but I want you anyway: high dependence + high avoidance  I’m OK I am not ok High proximity You are ok Low anxiety High anxiety You are not ok High avoidance THE COMMON DENOMINATOR The common denominator in insecure styles of attachment is an insecure sense of self, rooted in shame. SHAME à a belief that I am flawed; there is something inherently wrong with me that is not fixable; if others knew the real me they would reject me YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE CAN INFLUENCE: Your adult relationships and behaviours in relationships Your beliefs about yourself The way you explain the events of your life Your physical health Your subconscious triggers How you perceive stress, adversity, and challenge How you react to and recover from adversity The strategies you use to cope with and adapt to adversity The role that people and relationships play in your efforts to cope with stress AND YES…. You may lean into different relational patterns in different ages/stages of life and- or different roles in life For example: you may have been raised with an anxious attachment to a primary caregiver but secure attachments to secondary caregivers. You may have had an anxious attachment with best friends in middle and high school and evolved into a secure romantic relationship as an adult For example: you may experience a tendency towards one relational style with regards to your professional relationships (for example, avoidant) and another style with regards to intimate relationships (for example, disorganized) However, most of us have a dominant style, wired in as our first perceptual system in early childhood, that we return to as a default. This was an essential adaptation to our lived experience. The good news is that we can consciously change these patterns if they no longer suit us. We can shift from relational tensions to relational security. Relational Tensions vs Relational Security FOR MORE ON ATTACHMENT Please see the document on moodle for more on different attachment styles. I’ve tried to offer you a number of ways of understanding these patterns and how they show up in different contexts.  Fear of abandonment is pervasive Preoccupied/anxious: hypervigilance to nuances combined with negative interpretations is pervasive