final test info for Relationship Final.docx

Guiding Questions • Instructors might use these or a subset of these as the “agenda” for a specific class Opening Discussion: What questions might relationship scientists studying sexuality ask? • Consider beginning by defining sexuality: A multidimensional term that includes all aspects of human se...

Guiding Questions • Instructors might use these or a subset of these as the “agenda” for a specific class Opening Discussion: What questions might relationship scientists studying sexuality ask? • Consider beginning by defining sexuality: A multidimensional term that includes all aspects of human sex, including sexual desire and drive, attitudes and beliefs, behaviors, and motives • Use a small group or pair-share structure to help engage all voices: What questions might relationship scientists studying sexuality ask? o When you bring this to the larger group, keep notes on the board (e.g., “behaviors” “motives” “consequences to relationships” “gender differences” etc.) o The goal with this activity is to help students see the breadth of the field of relationship science’s focus on sexuality, and ample opportunity for inquiry Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 The Sexual Behavioral System • Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of being human; help students to thinking about sex as an evolved system • the sexual behavioral system is an innate system that… • Promotes reproduction o E.g., generates attraction, sexual desire • Promotes attachment o E.g., generates emotional connection • The sexual behavioral system and the attachment behavioral system are separate, but linked, systems Sexual Desire • Often called sex drive, but is broader • Includes all that compels people towards sexual activity Biological Basis of Sexual Desire • Brain structures (e.g., limbic system) • Hormones, neurotransmitters, neuropeptides • Excitatory system o E.g., Dopaminergic system and sexual arousal - physiological arousal that prepares the body for sex, heightened thoughts and motivations about/towards sex • Inhibitory system o E.g., Serotonin • Sexual desire is delicate, susceptible to influence (e.g., drugs, alcohol), and context dependent Variability in Sexual Desire • Gender o Men > women • This is less extreme than usually believed or even than it appears in the literature (social norms encourage men to report high sexual desire) • Might be less innate and more a result of socialization: gender inequalities (more childcare, objectification) may make women have lower sexual desire rather than an innate difference • Within gender variability greater than between variability o This is a key point to help understand the relation between gender and sex drive • Personality o Linked to extroversion, neurotic, less agreeable, less conscientious Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 o Linked to Dark Triad traits • Age o As older adults age, sex drive is often lower • As they age, women’s sex drive may fluctuate more • Relationship length • Relationship transitions o E.g., entering parenthood o Diverse trajectories: whereas most people experience a drop, it is not necessarily a deficit Sexual Attitudes • People’s beliefs, perspectives, and values pertaining to sex • For example: o Permissiveness: a free and casual approach to casual sex o Views on pre-marital sex Changes in Attitudes on Pre-marital sex • Highlight the sociocultural aspect of sexual attitudes, evident by changes observed since the 1970s in people’s attitudes towards sex outside of marriage • Discussion: What might explain this cultural trend? (answers might include: birth control access, rise in cohabitation, delayed marriage, etc) Sexual Motives • Why do people have sex? • Activity: Encourage student thinking on sexual motives by dividing students into small groups, ideally at blackboards/whiteboards around the classroom. Have students list as many possible reasons as they can for why people have sex (you could have students then try to organize these by casual sex and sex within a committed relationship). After the set period of time, go around the room and read the ideas, making connections across different boards and highlighting original ideas. Highlight any differentiation between short-term and long-term or other factors (e.g., gender) that comes up on the boards. • In post-activity discussion, help students appreciate the common motives that appear, but also that some motives are unique. Encourage students to think critically about how social and situational factors (e.g., SES) might shape motives, along with biological forces • Meston & Buss (2007) received 237 distinct responses to the question of why people have sex; Cooper et al., (1998), researchers received 335! Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Diverse Sexual Motives • This illustration shows a diverse set of motives • (can be connected to the prior slide if students generated their own ideas) • Which are the most common? Four Primary Sexual Motives • People engage in sex… o For pleasure o To achieve specific goals o For emotional reasons o For insecurity reasons Sexual Motives: For Pleasure • A top motivation for men and for women • Explains sex in response to boredom Sexual Motives: To Achieve Goals • Abstract reasons (e.g., social status) • Concrete reasons (e.g., money, drugs, opportunities) • Curiosity’s sake • To start a relationship • To maintain a relationship • Revenge • Experience • Reproduction Sexual Motives: For Emotional Reasons • Expressing love, closeness • Especially in committed contexts Sexual Motives: For Insecurity Reasons • Less prominent but still explanatory • Includes coping with stress, loneliness • To please a partner or keep their interest Sexual Motives: High-Level Structure • Approach motives and avoidance motives o Approach • pursue for rewards (pleasure, to achieve goals, intimacy) Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 • associated with personal and relational well-being, satisfaction with sex life o Avoidance • E.g., Pursuing sex to not disappoint someone, to not be viewed negatively; associated with worse personal and relational outcomes • Self-oriented motives and other-oriented motives o E.g., communal sexual motives – effort to respond to and try to meet another’s needs • Associated with better personal and relational well-being • Intrinsic, autonomous vs extrinsic, non-autonomous motives o Intrinsic related to more satisfying sex lives, positive feelings o Non-autonomous (because they feel like they “should” or feel other outside pressure) related to lower sexual health, worse outcomes Sexual Behavior • How people define “having sex” varies o Consider the role of sex and gender here • Penetrative definitions do not make sense for everyone • What people do when engaging in sexual activity varies • The timing of people’s sexual debut varies o Life history theory: people with “fast strategies” debut sooner • Individual differences o Next slide will show debuts have changed over time • Cultural differences Sexual Debut Over Time • U.S. Data: Fewer adolescents (approximately aged 14–18) have had sexual intercourse today than age-matched cohorts a few decades ago. Why might this be? (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 1991– 2019 High School Youth Risk Behavior Survey Data. Available at http://yrbs-explorer.services.cdc.gov/. Accessed on August 11, 2022) Sexual Frequency by Age and Time: Men • This slide (and the next, which focuses on women), shows responses from people aged 18–44, from the nationally representative General Social Survey to the question “About how often did you have sex during the last 12 months?” • Reveals trend in decreased frequency over time • Shows that married people have more sex than unmarried people (on average) Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Sexual Frequency by Age and Time: Women • Same pattern as men: Reveals trend in decreased frequency over time • Shows that married people have more sex than unmarried people (on average) • Discussion: Why? Invite students to consider reasons (e.g., delayed marriage, social media) why people are having less sex today than in the past. • Prepare students for the transition to the next slide, which shifts focus from thinking about what sex is and why/when it happens, to how sex operates within the context of a relationship trajectory Sexuality in Relationship Trajectories • This is a chance to slowly move through the trajectory shown on the slide, emphasizing how sexuality operates at each stage of relationship development and maintenance (and dissolution). This slide can be used to cover initiation and development – the next couple slides focus on on-going relationships, sex as part of relationship maintenance o Sex drive is like a compass, a “visceral gauge of romantic compatibility” that can encourage efforts to build an attachment (Birnbaum & Finkel, 2015). o Sexuality helps determine suitability and develop pairbonds • Kissing may serve as a bio-marker for immune system compatibility • “Bad” sex as a dealbreaker • Running through this trajectory is the construct of sexual satisfaction (on the next slide) Sexual Satisfaction • How favorably people judge their sex lives • Ratio of rewards to costs in sexual relationships Interpersonal Exchange Model of Sexual Satisfaction • No one exchange determines sexual satisfaction • Rewards and costs of ongoing exchanges form the building blocks of subjective judgements of sexual satisfaction Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Frequency • Frequency is linked to sexual satisfaction o Post-sex period – the time right after sex often includes cuddling, caressing, talking or other intimate pro-relationship behaviors • Afterglow – the sexual satisfaction lingers 48 hours Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 • More sex is linked to better outcomes, to a point • Does not predict well-being beyond once per week Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Satisfaction • Linked cross-culturally, in monogamous and CNM relationships, in samesex and different sex relationships • Which causes which? Sexual Satisfaction and Sexual Communication • Sexual communication o Can be verbal or nonverbal o Often involves self-disclosures • Partners can discuss preferences, birth control, fantasies • Inhibited communication is associated with worse outcomes • Quality matters more than frequency Additional Factors Predicting Sexual Satisfaction • Sexual communal strength o Caring about and working towards the satisfaction of a partner • Personality traits o E.g., neuroticism and narcissism are linked with worse sexual satisfaction • Situational factors o E.g., having a live-in partner predicts greater sexual satisfaction o Transitions, like entering parenthood • Personal factors o E.g., physical health, mental health • Identity pride o Especially important for people with marginalized statuses • Relationship factors o E.g., love, desire, conflict • Sexual compatibility • Partner support o The extent to which a partner expresses support predicts satisfaction How Partners Initiate Sex • Discussion: Why is this important to know? o This is a chance to help students connect the “how” with the implications sexual intimacy have for relationship well-being (answers might include supporting individuals who have challenges in initiating sex, increase skills of communication by knowing their role in the Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 process, bring awareness to problems of miscommunication/misperception, importance of consent, etc) Initiating Sex: In a Casual Context • Identify a partner o Usually friends or acquaintances • Communicate interest o Subtly or more directly o Sexual overperception bias – women tend to recall more instances when men thought, falsely, that they were sexually interested than men. o Consider discussing a consent • Sexual scripts o Help students realize that there are numerous scripts covering an array of different negotiations between people pursuing sex (e.g., scripts for engaging in a hookup, discussing birth control, leaving the next day, etc) Initiating Sex: In a Committed Context • Partner is already identified o This should make initiating sex easier, but it is only the first step • Communicate interest o Here’s where initiating sex can become challenging o Potential for sexual interdependence dilemmas • Sex is a key area for partner conflict • E.g., when there are sexual desire discrepancies that lend themselves to one person wanting more sex than another • Partners must navigate rejecting sexual advances and being rejected o People and their relationships benefit when rejections lead to perceived responsiveness o Advantages of sexual communal strength and low avoidance o Rejected person has to react, can do so in diverse ways varying from understanding to insecurity Major Take-Aways • Sexuality is a multidimensional construct shaped by biological and social forces. • While common patterns emerge, people experience and approach their sex lives in diverse ways • More sex is generally beneficial, but only to a point. Critically, how often people have sex may be less revealing about the quality of a person’s sex life than their overall judgment of sexual satisfaction • Sexual satisfaction is not tied to one sexual encounter, but is closely linked (in ongoing relationships) to relationship satisfaction. A complicated, difficult task even if you focus only on romantic relationships (not friendships, family relationships, etc) o E.g., When do friends-with-benefits end? • People pursue divorce rates because these are recorded but even they require thoughtful interpretation (diverse calculations, missing data) and a careful critical eye (what about cohabitating partners, are separated individuals divorced?) • Table 12.1 shows a few ways divorce rates are calculated o Crude divorce rate: Number of divorces per 1000 people in a given year (not age adjustment) o Refined divorce rate: Number of divorces per 1000 married women in a given year (excludes same-sex married men) o Cohort approach: The lifetime probability of marriages to end in divorce for a given cohort of individuals (can have missing data) Divorce Rates (e.g., United States) • 2.3 (crude divorce rate; U.S. census, 2021) • 14 women per 1,000 women 15 or older (Westrick-Payne, 2022) • 43 - 46 % of marriages between 2005 and 2010 will end in divorce (Smock & Schwartz, 2020) Divorce Rates Over Time • If students have not read the chapter, ask them if they think the divorce rate has risen or declined since 2010 • Help students see how changes in divorce have occurred over time by reminding them that it rose precipitously after the no-fault divorce laws were put into place in the U.S. in the 1970s, peaking around 1979, then declining since then. • Discussion – How is divorce helpful and how is it harmful? o Student responses might include: easier ways to legally end an unhealthy marriage can benefit personal health and well-being; divorce can be harmful to children; legal ties may encourage people to work on their relationships; divorce can help people live happier, healthier lives divorce can increase loneliness, etc. • Discussion – Why has the divorce rate changed over time? o Student responses might include changes in values, delayed marriage, rise in cohabitation and the decline of marriage in general (perhaps only those highly committed or unlikely to divorce enter marriage) o can increase loneliness, etc. Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Rates of Non-Marital Dissolution • Very hard to estimate o Consider all the situations that are missed when people self-report breakups of casual encounters • Some people experience few, some people experience many o High variability is likely in people’s experiences • Estimates likely ignore predominately sexual relationships Predictors of Relationship Dissolution • Use this figure to lay the framework for discussing breakups o Problems with me or you o Problems with us o Problems with context • Activity: To help students enter a critical mindset about breakups, consider showing a clip or two from a familiar movie that shows a breakup. This one, from the movie “The Breakup” offers an opportunity to have students discuss with another classmate (e.g., in a pair-share format) why they think this relationship is ending, what they notice about their dynamic that could reflect underlying problems, what they notice about the emotions expressed, etc. Problems with “Me” or “You” • Discussion – What breakup reasons might fall under this umbrella? • Personality o Some personalities are associated with more relationship problems o E.g., neuroticism, low agreeableness, low conscientiousness o E.g., dark triad traits • Habits and Behaviors o Self, e.g., personal desires (e.g., more excitement, growth) o Partner, e.g., unfavorable traits, not doing enough chores, harmful behavior Problems with “Us” • Remind students what “us” is: an entity born of the interdependence between people, the relationship is the “thing” that breaks • To break a relationship is to weaken the foundations of what a relationship is, namely (or ask students to recall these features from chapter 1): o Breaking intimacy o Breaking interdependence o Breaking commitment • Note that the model here is most closely tied to close relationships Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Problems with “Us”: Breaking Intimacy • Intimacy is closeness and knowing the other person o Low intimacy predicts dissolution • Usually not sudden, can decline slowly (people drifting apart) o Disaffection (romantic disengagement) • Characterized by disillusionment o loss of closeness, affection, and love, feelings of disappointment, and a lack of faith in one’s partner • Can constitute an emotional divorce o Recall that people weave their self-concepts together; low inclusion of other in self is a risk factor for divorce Problems with “Us”: Breaking Interdependence • Incompatibility o Repeatedly having misaligned interests o Nearly 20% of divorces cite incompatibility as part of the problem • Conflict as a often-cited reason for dissolution • But, meta-analysis suggests conflict is a weak predictor of dissolution (Le et al., 2010) Problems with “Us”: Breaking Commitment • Consider drawing the investment model of commitment on the board, remind students of its key components • The investment model of commitment (Rusbult, 1980) ties commitment to: o Investment o Satisfaction o (Fewer) alternatives • This model asserts that satisfaction is only one component of commitment (contrary to many ideas about why people breakup) Problems with “Us”: Breaking Commitment with Infidelity • Infidelity: secret sexual or emotional betrayal • A serious transgression in monogamous relationships – increases divorce odds by 363% according to recent research • Occurs commonly, all types of relationships and all over the globe o More common in less committed relationship structures Problems with “Us”: Why People Engage in Infidelity • Not one reason • Reasons appear relevant for relationship stability • Relationship-based reasons are Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 o Especially toxic to stability o E.g., lack of love, dissatisfaction, anger • Situational reasons include o e.g., vacation, drinking o and could be regretted mistakes Problems with “Us”: Consequences of Infidelity • Strong, but not universal, predictor of dissolution o Forgiveness linked to children, partner assurances o Extra-dyadic partner being a stranger vs friend (friend is worse) o Unsolicited confession (better) vs solicited confession vs learning in another way (worse) Problems with Context • Relationships do not operate in isolation o Even well-matched partners are not immune to breaking up • Highly stressful contexts threaten relationship stability Problems with Context: Financial Stress and Incarceration • Financial Stress o Low income is linked to relationship problems • Why? Consider challenges that are linked to low income o Financial stress is a risk factor for divorce • Incarceration o Remind students that incarceration disproportionally affects Black men o Introduces an array of new problems, including adding financial problems • Disrupts work • Adds expenses (e.g., lawyers) • Reduces access to resources o Prolonged separation harms relationships • Also a problem relevant to other groups (e.g., military families) Problems with Context: Parenting • Parenting introduces an array of problems (e.g., financial, agreeing on parenting styles) • Introduces other challenges o Infertility (a stress, not necessarily problematic, need more research here) o Challenges linked to children with health or developmental problems • E.g., cerebral palsy, Autism Spectrum Disorder • Added financial stress, parenting demands Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 • Variability in effect on relationship stability Problems with Context: Social Network • Discussion: Why might other people matter to the success of another person’s relationship? Responses might include: they can interfere, gossip, they can make things easier (match-making), they can have a stake in the stability of the relationship (e.g., family business, wanting to keep a friend circle intact), they can provide attractive alternatives o Tension with partner’s friends or family • Not liking a partner’s friends or family • Disagreements o Own or partners’ social network approval • Approval linked to stability • Stigmatization and/or marginalization o Social networks can introduce challenges for marginalized relationships (age-gap, same-sex, etc), such as being unwelcoming, distancing, rejecting, encouraging the end of a specific relationship. How Do People Breakup? • Invite students to think specifically about the process of a breakup, by asking them to generate a list (e.g., on the blackboard) of ways people can end relationships. The goal is to help students see that there is both diversity in these methods but also commonalities (e.g., goal-driven behaviors) Breaking Up as a Process • Remind students that most of the research on breakups focuses on divorce, but that much of what is learned can often be applied to other relationships • The divorce-stress-adjustment perspective o Breakups occur over time, not suddenly • The stress and challenge begins before, continues during, and persists after the breakup o Also applies to unmarried partners • Includes commitment uncertainty o People can wonder or feel unsure about whether they want to be in a relationship • Includes dissolution consideration (divorce ideation) o Common, does not necessarily lead to dissolution • People can think about breaking up, and imagine what it would be like to not be in the relationship Phase Model of Dissolution (Duck, 1982; 2005) • Breakups… Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 o Begin in the mind of one person o Then move to an interpersonal space between partners o The news is shared with partners’ social network o Ex-partners engage in meaning making o Ex-partners prepare for new relationships • Stage models help see common, but not necessarily universal patterns of behavior Breakup Strategies • Goal-driven behaviors that vary widely o If students generated ways that people end relationships earlier in the class, bring their variety to light here • Open, honest confrontation is considered ideal • Indirect approaches are also used o E.g., Ghosting is easy for initiator, harder for partner The Breakup Experience • Activity: Encourage students to think about different ways breakups (short and long-term) affect people by pausing class for a music listening moment. Create a medley of short clips from popular breakup songs that you can play for the students in class (students could also submit song ideas in advance). Organize students into small listening groups and have them each create columns to jot down behaviors, emotions, and cognitions that are present in the songs. With art reflecting life, this is an engaging way for students to see how varied people’s emotional reactions, thoughts, and actions are, in response to different breakups. Short-term Consequences of Dissolution • Linked to level of prior commitment o Loss of an attachment figure • Toll on mental health • Increases mortality risk o E.g., the widowhood effect – people are more likely to die after a spouse dies Long-term Consequences of Dissolution • Two alternative pathways are proposed by the divorce-stress-adjustment model • The crisis model of distress o Acute negative outcomes, then people adjust o Aligns with most people’s experience Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 • The chronic strain model of distress o Resource deficits and hardships extend indefinitely o Less common but still reflects people’s experiences Factors Explaining Diverse Post-Dissolution Outcomes • Why does the crisis model help explain so many people’s experience, but the chronic strain model is helpful for others? • Pre-existing vulnerabilities o E.g., mental health challenges, anxious attachment • Personality o E.g., neuroticism, lower extraversion, lower openness predicts worse outcomes o E.g., higher trait resilience predicts better adjustment • Gender o Women tend to initiate more divorces but they are at risk for worse financial outcomes and are often responsible for more of the childcare • Pre-breakup relationship quality o Ending unhealthy relationships can be especially helpful for later wellbeing Post-Dissolution Relationships with Ex-Partner • Many people stay friends with ex-partners o There’s a risk doing this: it can prolong adjustment o Motives vary (e.g., practical – co-parenting, work colleageus etc;, lingering romantic feelings) • Unwanted pursuit behaviors o E.g., annoying behaviors; stalking, cyberstalking • On-again/off-again relationships o Tend to be lower quality than unbroken relationships Forging a New Self, Separate from an Ex-Partner • Remember that close relationships involve linking the self with the partner, forming a representation of the self that includes the partner. o Endings require disentangling one’s ex from one’s self-concept • All the self-expansion that occurred via relationship participation needs to be addressed; Retain some partner-influenced aspects, drop others o Self-expansion residue – the partner aspects that are retained as aspects of the self from prior relationships • Post-dissolution growth o Retrospectively, people report important personal gains offered by a breakup Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 New Romantic Relationships • Rebound relationship o When people shift to a new pairbond quickly, it can be a positive relationship with good outcomes (not necessarily a “bad” move as it is often thought) • New relationships offer new opportunities to gain the benefits of relationships • People who re-partner tend to have better outcomes than those who do not Major Take-aways • Aspects of people’s personalities can predict breakups, but we tend to blame breakups on our partners more than ourselves. • Closeness can dissipate, incompatibility is a key predictor of divorce, and issues of commitment (especially infidelity) can jeopardize relationship stability. • Low income and incarceration are key situational factors predicting dissolution. • People can adopt myriad strategies to end their relationships, and the strategies they choose reflect their own attributes and influence the intensity of the breakup experience. • New relationships offer new opportunities to gain the benefits of relationships • People who re-partner tend to have better outcomes than those who do not • The loss of a relationship is associated with psychological distress and poorer physical health, and while some people experience the strain of dissolution in an acute crisis fashion, others experience chronic challenges tied to the loss of their relationship. • Forming friendships with an ex-partner is common and perhaps especially important in some contexts. The self-concept shrinks in the aftermath of a relationship dissolution and requires rebuilding; people who re-partner tend to have better outcomes than those who do not. 1. Why is the divorce rate declining overall, but rising among older adults? Drawing on social demography research, consider factors that help explain changes in the divorce rate among the general population and among older adults. How do gender, relationship composition (e.g., different-sex, samesex) and racial identity factor into the frequency of divorce? What might we expect over the next 20 years, and why? 2. How does incarceration affect relationship stability? Drawing on recent research, use this paper to examine how and why incarceration is a risk factor for relationship dissolution. Consider the problem from a personal and Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 societal level, paying particular attention to the problem of disproportional incarceration for certain groups over others. 3. Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder often require more from their parents than children not on the spectrum. Integrating examine the costs and benefits of raising children with ASD (or another diagnosis of your choosing) for parents’ relationships and what works (and doesn’t work) to help support romantic relationship stability and thriving while parenting children with diagnosed emotional, behavioral, and/or physical challenges. 4. Why do people engage in ghosting as a breakup strategy? Drawing on recent research, define ghosting within the context of other breakup strategies and use theory, buttressed by evidence, to examine why people choose ghosting to end relationships. Pursue the behavior of ghosting by identifying personal and situational predictors of ghosting and ultimately, the pros and cons of ghosting for both the ghoster and the victim. 5. Should people be friends with their ex-romantic partners? Drawing on evolutionary theory, interdependence theory, and attachment theory, examine the transition from romantic partners to friends. When and how and for what reasons does forming a friendship benefit ex-partners and when/how does it introduce costs? 6. What factors shape people’s experiences entering widowhood? What makes widowhood easier? What makes it harder? Use this paper to investigate how people experience the loss of a romantic partner. Consider diverse relationship structures and composition as you use theory and recent research to shine a spotlight on widowhood. Couple Therapy • Why do we need interventions? A strong minority of marriages are clinically distressed (20-30%) • Distressed relationships are linked to worse personal well-being • Couple therapy is a research-backed intervention that can help Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Who Seeks Couple Therapy? • Not all distressed partners seek therapy o Oklahoma study (Johnson et al., 2002) • Statewide study suggests 35% of divorced individuals tried couple therapy before divorcing • Obstacles to couple therapy o Structural barriers, e.g. low income • Only about 30% of low income partners who consider couple therapy receive it • Time, resources o Gender differences, partner willingness • In different sex partners, women report that their partners are unwilling to try couple therapy (more than men report women are) Partner Distress Prior to Couple Therapy • Use this illustration to show that it can be one partner, or both, who compel partners to enter couple therapy • A solid minority across all groups enter couple therapy without experiencing distress • The percent of self-identified heterosexual (out of 39,251), gay (out of 438), and lesbian (out of 1,022) partners in which one or both partners scored below the distressed cutoff on the global happiness scale (e.g., “I think my partner really cares about me”) prior to starting couple therapy. (Source: Drawn based on data from Gottman et al. [2020]) Common Problems Endorsed During Intake for Couple Therapy • Pair-share activity: Before showing this figure, invite students to work with a neighbor or two to generate as many common reasons as they can think of for why partners enter couple therapy. This will give them a chance to evaluate their general knowledge against evidence (shown in the figure). Help students appreciate the diversity of reasons, with no reason as a “bad” reason to enter couple therapy • Use this illustration to discuss reasons people enter therapy, i.e., the problems that people typically identify during intakes o Note more similarities across sexual orientations than differences Dominant Therapeutic approaches • Two are the most common (to be discussed in more detail on the next slides): • Behavioral couple therapy (and its newer adaptations) • Emotionally focused couple therapy Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 • Both share certain key features: o Based on theory and empirical research o Can be systematically implemented o Have been meta-analytically supported Behavioral Couple Therapy • Based on social exchange theory o Better relationships have more positive exchanges (rewards) and fewer costs (negative exchanges) • Too few positive exchanges → relationship distress Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy • Behavior change used to improve the balance of positive and negative exchanges o Behavioral exchange • Attempts to help increase positive interactions • Increasing positive exchanges introduces more rewards into the relationships o Skills training • Focuses on communication and problem solving skills Speaker-Listener Technique • Agreed-upon speaking structure • Partners take turns as “speaker” and “listener” o Use “I” statements o Reflecting back • Goal is to share and try to understand each other Steps for Communicating Effectively • Activity: After reviewing this slide with steps for communicating effectively (and leaving this slide up for students to see), invite students to practice using the speaker-listener technique in class. Create groups of two. Invite students to talk with their partner about a problem or difficulty that they are having (e.g., semester stress, work-life balance, weekend plans). The students should practice using “I” statements, reflecting back, and understanding each other’s perspectives. At the conclusion of the activity, students can reflect on what was challenging and what was easy about this conversational structure. How would it be different discussing relationship problems? • For the speaker o Describe only your own experience Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 o Make specific statements o Share feelings in addition to thoughts o Balance negatives with positives o Give partner a chance to respond • For the listener o Use nonverbals to show attentiveness o Take your partner’s perspective o Remind yourself your partner has the right to have their thoughts and feelings o Reflect back o Focusing on listening and understanding Steps for Problem Solving Effectively • Remind students that beyond the skill building that enhances perspective taking, TBCT incorporates problem solving, a key skill that partners can use moving forward o State the specific issue o Describe your perspective. Have your partner do the same. o Discuss solutions that would meet both your and your partner’s needs o Select one agreed-upon solution to try o Set a time to try the solution and check in at the end of that time • Reflecting after-the-fact is a critical step in this process Outcomes for TBCT • TBCT is precise, aiming to improve how partners interact with each other, such that they are characterized by more rewards, fewer costs • e.g., participants report: o Less negativity in conversations post-therapy o Less withdrawal shown in conversations post-therapy Cognitive Behavioral Couple Therapy (CBCT) • Adds cognitive restructuring to TBCT o Intended to help partners identify and correct distorted or unhelpful thought patterns • Tends to focus on five thought processes (to be discussed in the following slides): o Selective attention o Attributions o Expectancies o Assumptions o Standards Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 CBCT: Selective Attention • Noticing some things and overlooking others • Yields incomplete information • Distorts judgment CBCT: Attributions • Explanations for behavior • Poor outcomes when negative behavior is attributed to: o internal (vs. external) o stable (vs. unstable) o global (vs. specific) causes CBCT: Expectancies • Believing you know what your partner will do in the future • Predictions about what will happens in the future • Beliefs that a partner will behave in a particular way CTCT: Assumptions • Static beliefs – beliefs about the way people are, e.g.: o “Disagreement is destructive to a relationship.” o “Partners cannot change.” o “Women and men have fundamentally different personalities.” • Implicit relationship beliefs o Destiny beliefs – partners are either meant to be or not, fated, soul mates • If you have to work at it, it isn’t meant to be o Growth beliefs – relationship challenges are expected • If you work at it, you can have a strong relationship CBCT: Standards • How a relationship “should be,” e.g.: o “People who care about us should be able to sense what we need without being told.” o “One should be a perfect sexual partner, always performing well and completely satisfying their partner.” Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy • Supplements TBCT with acceptance-focused interventions • Acceptance - acknowledging core differences and maintaining a positive connection despite them • Three key strategies: Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 o Empathetic joining – therapist encourages partners to share their emotional reactions to their differences, including fears and vulnerabilities related to these differences o Unified detachment – partners learn to “take a step back” and view their differences or specific problems with more objectivity – partners are separate from their problems o Tolerance building – partners learn how to tolerate rather than try to change each other; very helpful for insoluble problems (problems where changes are impractical or impossible) o Note that in this type of therapy (different from TBCT and CBCT) the therapist does not provide partners with explicit instructions to change their behavior or thoughts; rather, the therapist actively models the strategies that can provide an opportunity for partners to naturally become more accepting and tolerant Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT) • Grounded in attachment theory: emotional disconnection and attachment insecurity are the primary underlying problems for distressed partners • Problems arise when partners attachment needs are not being met (responsiveness and sensitivity to proximity bids, offering a safe haven and a secure base) • Goals: o De-escalate cycles of distress o Identify unmet attachment needs o Find ways to have needs met EFCT Stage 1: Cycle De-escalation • The work at this stage focuses on negative interaction cycles (vicious cylces) • Partners work to: o Identify their own vulnerable emotions (e.g., fear, anxiety that drives the behavior); partners might readily express secondary emotions but the vulnerable emotions underlie these secondary emotions o Identifying is not enough: partners must also express their vulnerable emotions to each other o Consider the example of a demand-withdraw pattern EFCT Stage 2: Changing Interactional Positions • Restructuring attachment o Partners link vulnerable emotions to attachment concerns o Partners acknowledge own attachment needs o Partners develop empathy for others’ needs Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 EFCT Stage 3: Consolidation and Integration • Offers partners a narrative of how the relationship became distressed and how partners reconnected • Partners work on ongoing issues Five Strategies Used in Each Stage • EFCT is like a “tango” and these strategies are the basic “moves” o Reflect patterns of emotional processing and interpersonal responses o Affect assembly and deepening o Choreographing engaged encounters o Processing the encounter o Integrating and validating The Effectiveness of Couple Therapy • Activity: Students could benefit from exposure to what couple therapy looks and feels like; consider selecting a segment from Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin. Select a segment appropriate for your specific class, and engage the students in active listening, where they take notes to make connections between what they hear and the strategies and approaches they are learning about in this chapter. The listening activity can conclude with a full class discussion that brings forth student observations and supports their ability to make connections between theory and instructional best practices and actual therapy. • Use this figure to discuss people’s self-reported relationship well-being, immediately after, 2 years after, and 5 years out. • Note that cross approach comparisons are only appropriate for TBCT and IBCT assessed in the same study • Highlight that most people do experience improvements • Improvements tend to be greatest immediately after intervention, not over time • Some people stay the same or worsen • Couple therapy is no guarantee of stability Effectiveness Insight from Randomized Controlled Trials • Highlight how researchers obtain useful information about the effectiveness of couple therapy o Randomized controlled trials: Experiments in which the independent variable is a clinical treatment condition • Observed effects likely weaker outside of research • Generalizability concerns • Sometimes, dissolution is a favorable outcome Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Couple Relationship Education (CRE) Programs • Remind students that people often wait far too long to enter couple therapy, enduring years of distress: what if partners could know and use helpful strategies from early in their relationships? • CRE programs are specifically designed for non-distressed partners • Often include strategies for: o Managing conflicts o Enhancing relationships o Strengthening commitment • Shorter duration than therapy (12 – 18 hours over a few sessions or a weekend compared to months of couple therapy) • Delivered in group setting o Can include some individualized attention CREs: Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Programs (PREP) • Most common • Focuses on communication skills training • Approach consistent with CBCT CREs: Couple Commitment and Relationship Enhancement (CARE) Program • Focuses on same skills as PREP • Is unique because it adds attention to self-regulation and self-reflection • Modules include: o Effective communication o Intimacy and caring o Managing conflict o Sexuality o Adapting to change/stress CREs: Couple Coping Enhancement Training (CCET) • Focuses on teaching skills that make a relationship resilient • Partners learn to communicate about stress, support each other, and work together to manage stressors Effectiveness of Relationship Education Programs • Meta-analytic data show that relationship education programs do benefit non-distressed relationships o Particularly short-term o Partners report better relationship quality, better communication skills o May reduce risk for future divorce • Benefits are greater for partners are higher risk for distress Instructor Manual to DiDonato & Jakubiak, The Science of Romantic Relationships © Theresa DiDonato and Brett Jakubiak 2023 Enhancing Interventions for Partners: Increasing Accessibility • The field is not static: improvements are needed, especially around access. Discussion: What limits access to couple therapy? If students have not had a chance yet to think about challenges to accessing couple therapy, this would be a good opportunity to have them work together to create a list of access hurdles • Helpful alternatives (evidence supports their effectiveness): o Relationship Check-up • Involves two 90-minutes sessions • A trained facilitator evaluates and provides recommendations and action plan • No skill training • Designed to be done repeatedly (i.e., a yearly checkup) o Moving interventions online (e.g., ePrep, OurRelationship) Enhancing Interventions for Partners: Programs Tailored for Sexual Minorities • Modifications that are sensitive to stressors and challenges unique to sexual minorities • Removing heteronormative biases • E.g., Rainbow CoupleCare and Better Together Program Major Take-Aways • Each prominent therapeutic intervention has a unique focus. • Traditional behavioral couple therapy focuses on behavior change; cognitive behavioral couple therapy incorporates behavior change and cognitive restructuring; integrative behavioral couple therapy emphasizes acceptance; and emotionally focused couple therapy prioritizes fostering connection and increasing attachment security. • Therapeutic interventions produce moderate, though relatively short-lived, improvements in relationship satisfaction. • Couple relationship education programs for non-distressed partners are briefer, address similar topics, show benefits most for at risk partners • To address inaccessibility challenges, there are now short interventions and online interventions • To better address the needs of sexual minorities, there are now programs tailored to the specific stressors and challenges of sexual minorities