Conflict Lecture Notes PDF

CONFLICT- exists when individuals who depend upon each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive them as incompatible or oppositional TYPES OF CONFLICT -personal conflict—acting in your own self-interest -nonrealistic conflict—when you are unable to confront the causes of yo...

CONFLICT- exists when individuals who depend upon each other express different views, interests, or goals and perceive them as incompatible or oppositional TYPES OF CONFLICT -personal conflict—acting in your own self-interest -nonrealistic conflict—when you are unable to confront the causes of your frustrations and take your anger out on others -transgressions—rules violations -superindividual conflict—serving the interest of the collectivity (often results in hardened/radicalized positions, greater aggression, and less likelihood of bending) -chilling effect—if your relational alternatives are low, you withhold complaints, but only if you perceive the other’s alternatives to be of higher quality than the current relationship ORIENTATIONS TO CONFLICT (how you “view” conflict) Lose-lose (everyone loses) Win-lose (one person wins but requires other to lose) Win-Win (all parties win) RESPONSES TO CONFLICT  “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” (Gottman & Silver, 2000) -criticism (attacking the core of your partner’s character rather than stating a complaint) -contempt (disrespect, sarcasm, insults—Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce.) -defensiveness (often a response to criticism--focusing on protecting the self rather than dealing with problems or protecting the relationship—making excuses; failing to take responsibility) -stonewalling (usually a response to contempt—withdraws, shuts down, refuses to discuss/respond to problems) Instead: Happy couples revive intimacy, defuse tension, take responsibility, reach out to each other, find/show gratitude for positive characteristics and actions, apologize, and use humor. UNPRODUCTIVE COMM -Disconfirmation of each other (climate) -Poor listening -Preoccupation with self -Not supporting/undercutting each other (climate- disconfirming) -Cross-complaining -Hostile mind reading -Frequent interruptions -Kitchen-sinking -Counterproposals -Self-summarizing by both partners -Excessive metacommunication -Negative affect CONSTRUCTIVE COMM -Validation of each other -Sensitive listening -Dual perspective -Expressed support of each other -Recognition of other’s concerns -Asking for clarification -Infrequent interruptions -Focus on specific issues -Compromises and contracts -Useful metacommunication -Summarizing the concerns -Positive affect