15 Questions
What was Rob's occupation?
Lawyer
What was Rob's attitude towards his family?
Unavailable and unpleasant
How did Rob initially react to the therapist's empathetic tone?
He became angrier and more defensive
What was the unexpected outcome of the therapist's blunt response to Rob?
Rob was relieved and grateful
What was the source of the therapist's inspiration for responding bluntly to Rob?
A movie character
What was the main reason why Rob's law firm was having trouble attracting high-quality candidates?
Rob's firm was not growing as quickly as his competitors'
Why did Rob react well to the author's dressing-down?
Because he was looking for honest, direct input from a parent figure
What is the main barrier that prevents people from receiving valuable input from others?
Letting the authoritarian figures from the past block input from authoritative figures in the present
What is the recommended action when someone at work offers input?
Pause, listen, and say thank you for the suggestion
What is the consequence of shutting off input from others?
You will miss out on great accomplishments in your work and personal life
Rob's family was afraid of him.
True
Rob's law firm was growing rapidly compared to its competitors.
False
Rob's behavior was a result of his upbringing by a supportive and loving father.
False
The author recommends immediately rejecting input from others in the workplace.
False
The author's approach was to be overly critical and controlling with Rob.
False
Study Notes
Dealing with Criticism and Input
- Ardent clinging to one's opinion is a sign of stupidity, as stated by Michel de Montaigne.
- Rob, a 6-foot-4 senior partner in a law firm, exhibited a controlling and dictatorial behavior, making him hard to deal with.
Rob's Behavior and Background
- Rob was unavailable and unpleasant as a husband and father, and was arrested for drunk driving.
- He was raised by a critical, controlling, and judgmental father, and a mother who colluded with his father's behavior.
- Rob believed that being a man meant acting like his dad, and he "heard" all input as critical and controlling, even if it wasn't.
Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Figures
- Teenagers often crave honest, direct input from authoritative figures, but may act out in self-destructive ways if they can't find them.
- If you're stuck in a resentment from your teen years, you may be missing out on valuable input from people who are trying to connect with you in your present life.
The Importance of Listening to Input
- If you let the authoritarian figures from the past block input from authoritative figures in your life now, your future will die for the sins of your past.
- Usable Insight: Listening to input from authoritative figures can lead to great accomplishments in both your work and personal life.
Action Steps
- When someone close to you offers a suggestion, listen to it and thank them for their input.
- When someone at work offers input, pause, listen, and say thank you for the suggestion.
- Rethink situations where you shut off input, and ask yourself how someone you respect would handle it.
- Seek input from people you respect, and remember their words when faced with a situation.
- Counter self-righteousness by thinking of three things about you that make you difficult to deal with.
Dealing with Criticism and Input
- Ardent clinging to one's opinion is a sign of stupidity, as stated by Michel de Montaigne.
- Rob, a 6-foot-4 senior partner in a law firm, exhibited a controlling and dictatorial behavior, making him hard to deal with.
Rob's Behavior and Background
- Rob was unavailable and unpleasant as a husband and father, and was arrested for drunk driving.
- He was raised by a critical, controlling, and judgmental father, and a mother who colluded with his father's behavior.
- Rob believed that being a man meant acting like his dad, and he "heard" all input as critical and controlling, even if it wasn't.
Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Figures
- Teenagers often crave honest, direct input from authoritative figures, but may act out in self-destructive ways if they can't find them.
- If you're stuck in a resentment from your teen years, you may be missing out on valuable input from people who are trying to connect with you in your present life.
The Importance of Listening to Input
- If you let the authoritarian figures from the past block input from authoritative figures in your life now, your future will die for the sins of your past.
- Usable Insight: Listening to input from authoritative figures can lead to great accomplishments in both your work and personal life.
Action Steps
- When someone close to you offers a suggestion, listen to it and thank them for their input.
- When someone at work offers input, pause, listen, and say thank you for the suggestion.
- Rethink situations where you shut off input, and ask yourself how someone you respect would handle it.
- Seek input from people you respect, and remember their words when faced with a situation.
- Counter self-righteousness by thinking of three things about you that make you difficult to deal with.
A case study of Rob, a senior law firm partner, who exhibits imposing and unpleasant behavior, and explores his personality traits. Analyze Rob's behavior and personality through the lens of psychology.
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