Relationships Lecture Notes PDF

REVIEW Thursday, February 6, 2025 1:13 PM LECTURE 1: Need to belong - Humans have a fundamental need to belong ○ Desires frequent, non aversive interactions with others ○ Suffer when we are deprived from close contact with others ○ Why we form societies and close/intim...

REVIEW Thursday, February 6, 2025 1:13 PM LECTURE 1: Need to belong - Humans have a fundamental need to belong ○ Desires frequent, non aversive interactions with others ○ Suffer when we are deprived from close contact with others ○ Why we form societies and close/intimate relationships Relationship - Kelley (1983) ○ Defined relationships as the mutual influence of one person's thoughts, feelin behaviour on another person's thoughts, feelings and behaviour ○ Involves strong frequent and diverse interdependence that lasts a considerable time - Mutual influence and interaction Relationship - Defined as the interdependence of people over time Interdependence - Two (or more) people influence one another ○ Can be short term ○ Lack the other qualities of intimate relationships ○ Can have interdependent connection within any interaction § Restaurant, cashier,etc. Intimate relationships - characterized by high levels of knowledge, caring, trust, responsiveness, commitm mutuality Mutuality - Tendency for two partners to think of themselves as a couple instead of two separa individual's - Index of perceived closeness - Seeing couples as one rather than two Knowledge - Intimate partners have extensive personal, and often confidential, information abou other Caring - Intimate partners feel more affection for one another than they do for most others Trust ngs and e period of ment, and ate ut each Knowledge - Intimate partners have extensive personal, and often confidential, information abou other Caring - Intimate partners feel more affection for one another than they do for most others Trust - Intimate partners expect treatment from one another is fair and honorable Responsiveness - Intimate partners are attentive to each others needs, and they support each other mo effectively than they do most others Commitment - Intimate partners expect their relationships to continue - Work to realize their goal to continue Most satisfying relationships - Tend to be high in - interdependence, knowledge, caring, trust, responsiveness, commitment and mutu Attachment theory - Humans are born with fundamental needs for closeness, comfort, and safety - Needs satisfied by bonding successfully with other people who are attentive and re these needs Attachment styles - Attachment related processes are lifelong, influencing people from baby-adulthood Three styles of attachment orientation - Secure ○ High trust ○ Belief they are worthy and appreciated - Anxious-ambivalent ○ Fear that others will not respond to their needs ○ Parents responded inconsistently - Avoidant ○ Suppression or denial of attachment needs Two themes of avoidance - Anxiety of abandonment ○ Worry that others will find us unworthy and leave us - Avoidance of intimacy ○ Difficulties with trust and the acceptance interdependent intimacy with others ut each ore uality esponsive to d s Social comparison theory - Learn about our own and our partners abilities, attitudes, assets, and traits by comp ourselves and partners with other people - Comparing ranks on ○ Intelligence ○ Physical attractiveness ○ Sexual frequency Upward social comparisons - Occur when comparisons are made with a target that is superior to us or our partne - Diminishes our or our partners perceived value but can motivate effort to improve Downward social comparisons - When comparisons are made with a target that is inferior to us or our partners - Increase perceived value Sex differences - Biological distinctions between men, women, and intersex people Gender differences - Social and psychological distinctions created by our cultures and upbringing Socio sexuality - The degree of interest one had in sexual activity without relationship commitment Self esteem - Degree that we likely or value ourselves - Sociometer theory ○ Argues that self esteem is a gauge that measures the quality of our relationshi others ○ When other people like us, we like ourselves - Self determination theory ○ Argues that wellbeing and self esteem are the product of meeting basic needs relatedness, and competence Sexual configurations theory - Gender/sex - Partner number - Sexual parameter n ○ Placeholder for sexual interests that exist, have existed, may not yet be expre paring ers ips with s autonomy, essed Sexual configurations theory - Gender/sex - Partner number - Sexual parameter n ○ Placeholder for sexual interests that exist, have existed, may not yet be expre Natural selection - Forces such as competition, disease and climate tend to eliminate individual's who well adapted to a particular environment - Favor the survival and reproduction of better adapted - Changes the nature of the population - Natural variation exists in many physical and psychological traits Sexual selection - Evolution of anatomical and behavioural differences between males and females ○ Based on mate selection - How nature shapes sex specific traits that help access to mates - Intrasexual ○ Competition among member of one sex - Intersexual ○ Being more attractive to the opposite sex Parental investment - Men invest less than women in the minimum time and effort needed to produce chi ○ Adaptive trait for women to be more selective choosing a mate Paternity uncertainty - Men, but not women, may face doubts about whether a child is theirs or not ○ Adaptive trait for men to be vigilant toward the threat of sexual infidelity § Implication for jealousy LECTURE 2: 60s and 70s research - Ellen Bersheid ○ Why people fall in love ○ What love is - Elaine Hatfield ○ Gendered receptivity to sexual offers ○ If someone asks you to have sex are men or women more likely to say yes - Donn Byrne ○ What makes us interested in getting to know others Research - Systematic effort to discover or confirm facts Deductive - Theory first Inductive - Observations lead to theory Relationships are interpersonal essed are less ildren  - Systematic effort to discover or confirm facts Deductive - Theory first Inductive - Observations lead to theory Relationships are interpersonal - Research data requires responses from more than one person ○ Dyadic data for couples ○ Triadic data for families LECTURE 3: Attraction - Interest in and liking of one individual by another Byrne - We like those who reward us either because they provide: ○ Direct rewards by treating us well ○ Indirect rewards § Being associated with things that we like Finkel and Eastwick - Instrumental reasons for liking others ○ Extent to which someone is able to help us achieve our present goals Physical attraction - How people look has immediate impact on the impressions others form about them - Symmetry is important Why certain features are more attractive than others - Divergence from important features may be cues indicating suboptimal genes and/o unfortunate development ○ Lower reproductive success in the future - Environment and social roles play a factor Menstrual cycle - Attraction can be influenced by where a woman is in her cycle - Men should be attuned to peak fertility window so they can pass their genes - When in follicular phase ○ Prefer low pitched voices, masculine features and symmetry, status symbols, dominance and creativity Halo effect - Physically attractive people are perceived to be more ○ Kind, outgoing, strong, nurturant, sociable, sexually warm and responsive, in dateable - Better life outcomes Propinquity (proximity) - More likely to become attracted to and close with people we see and interact with o - Exposure effect ○ Like neutral things more because of repeated exposure Reciprocity m or social nteresting, often  - Better life outcomes Propinquity (proximity) - More likely to become attracted to and close with people we see and interact with o - Exposure effect ○ Like neutral things more because of repeated exposure Reciprocity - Tend to be attracted to people who like us back - Specific liking ○ Specific on one individual ○ Leads to more reciprocal liking - General liking ○ Like many people ○ Leads to less reciprocal liking Similarity - Tend to be more attracted to and become close with people who are like us - Attitudes and values ○ Validates our own beliefs and values ○ Makes the other easier to predict Norm Li (2002) - Budget paradigm - Asked people to construct the ideal companion - Gave each person a certain number of "mate dollars" and asked them to "spend" on they found the most important ○ Limited amount at first to determine essentials ○ When limited was spent they gave them more dollars often n the traits Long term mating - Men More likely to look for moderate attractiveness - Women more likely to look for moderate status First impressions - Formed automatically upon meeting people - Power ○ What you learn about a person guides your subsequent thinking about them Schema - Mental structures we use to organize knowledge about the social world that guide o impression formation - Inform us what types of people are like - Mental basis for prejudice and discrimination Primacy effect - Describes the tendency for the information that we encounter first to have dispropo effect on our decisions and memory - Once first impression are formed people seek preferentially seek confirming over disconfirming evidence (confirmation bias) - Our confidence in opinion tends to grow with time Positive illusions - Portray others in the best possible light - Emphasize their positive qualities and minimize faults Observer bias - Tendency to overlook ones own contribution to problems in the relationship Self serving bias - Take credit when relationship is going good - Avoid blame when it is going poorly Attributional process - We treat our partners like we treat ourselves ○ Only when the relationship is going well our ortionate Destiny beliefs - Assume good relationships are about finding the perfect match Growth beliefs - Assume good beliefs develop gradually Self fulfilling prophecy - Person has expectations how the other will behave based on schemas on previous i Self enhancement motive - Leads us to seek feedback that makes us look good - Most likely to be dominant enhancement motive in dating relationships ○ Praise increases our commitment Self verification motive - Leads us to seek feedback that supports and verifies our existing self concepts - Most likely to be dominant in committed relationship (marriage) ○ Praise from a partner satisfies both motives when self esteem is high ○ BUT praise from a partner can backfire when self-esteem is low Attachment - Attachment styles provide mental models for intimate relationships - People with different attachment orientations ○ Have different beliefs about what relationships are like ○ Expect different behaviour from their partners ○ Form different judgements about their partners behaviour - People with secure attachment are more likely to make relationship-making attribu (Kimmes et al., 2015) than people with insecure attachment Attachment and porn use - Attachment style can affect how a person reacts to their partner using porn without interactions utions t them  ○ Expect different behaviour from their partners ○ Form different judgements about their partners behaviour - People with secure attachment are more likely to make relationship-making attribu (Kimmes et al., 2015) than people with insecure attachment Attachment and porn use - Attachment style can affect how a person reacts to their partner using porn without - Anxiously attached ○ More likely to make negative self-attributions about their partner's porn use ○ Think their partner did this to personally attack them or belittle them ○ If their partner is using porn that must mean they are not good enough Self monitoring - Monitoring our words, actions, clothes, etc. across social interactions to better obta social goals - Varies as a function of the degree that individual's self monitor ○ High self monitors § Pay close attention to social norms and adeptly adjust their behaviour to ○ Low self monitors § Inattentive to social norms and/or less flexible § They make more similar impressions on others from one audience to th - High self monitors ○ Good at small talk ○ Wider circle of more diverse friends ○ Invest less of their time in each relationship § Less committed relationships Intimate partners - We relax our impression management once in a relationship - We know they like us, so we're less motivated to gain their approval - They know us well so there's little we can do to affect what they think about us - Get lazy and work less hard to be polite and charming LECTURE 4: Communication - Consequential process - One person transmits information to another utions t them ain our o fit he next Nonverbal behaviour - Everything that is not words and syntax - Includes ○ Facial expression ○ Tone of voice ○ Gestures ○ Body posture/movement ○ Use of touch Facial expressions - Powerful indicators of mood and emotion - 6 universal facial expressions ○ Fear ○ Happiness ○ Sadness ○ Disgust ○ Anger ○ Surprise Controlling facial expression - They provide so much information, people try to control them  ○ Sadness ○ Disgust ○ Anger ○ Surprise Controlling facial expression - They provide so much information, people try to control them ○ Intensifying or exaggerating ○ Minimizing or lessening ○ Neutralizing or withholding ○ Masking or replacing them with other emotions Differences - People can understand distinctions between smiles ○ Duchenne versus non-Duchenne ○ Authenticity and attraction - People can universally understand the differences between different types of facial expressions Eye gaze - Signals attention and holding someone's gaze suggests attraction - Averting your gaze when your eyes meet someone else's signals disinterest Body movement and posture - Informative - Posture and motion of the body - Body posture can signal confidence and status Cultural differences - Appropriateness of non verbal behaviours differs across settings and cultures Reinforcement - Nonverbal behaviour acts as a reinforcer of our verbal meaning - When there is a discrepancy between peoples words and actions Mimicry - Synchronize their nonverbal behaviours with people around them without doing so consciously - Mimic others behaviour - When this happen both people like the interaction more Relationships - Accuracy with which couples communicate nonverbally predicts how happy their relationships will be ○ Usually the husbands fault ○ When couples non verbal communication is bad they tend to be dissatisfied w relationship - Women work harder at non verbal communication ○ Send clearer, more comprehensible messages ○ Attentively interpret the other persons behaviour more accurately Self-disclosure - Communicating things about yourself to another person l o with the  relationship - Women work harder at non verbal communication ○ Send clearer, more comprehensible messages ○ Attentively interpret the other persons behaviour more accurately Self-disclosure - Communicating things about yourself to another person - Enhance feelings of closeness and satisfaction ○ Increase attraction and liking - Intimacy tends to be characterized by high levels of knowledge about one another Social penetration theory - Two aspect ○ Breadth: variety of topics they discuss ○ Depth: personal significance of the topics they discuss Reciprocity - We tend to match the openness of our disclosures to that of our partners Interpersonal process model of intimacy (Reis & Shaver, 1988) - Suggests that self-disclosure and responsiveness contribute to the experience of int interaction ○ Personal disclosures that make people feel vulnerable invite reciprocal disclo further builds closeness and trust between the two people Secrets - Sensitive matters that partners agree not to discuss - Most common ○ State of the relationship ○ People prefer to keep things private or not communicate how they feel becau scared of how the other will react ○ Create complex tests of a partners interest instead of simply asking if the pers them Topics of communication - Women ○ Discussion of people, relationships and feelings ○ Seek support and counsel - Men ○ Impersonal matters ○ Sport, politics, celebrities ○ Seeks laughs rather than support and counsel Styles of communication - Women tend to speak less forcefully than men ○ More concerned with how the message will be received - Men tend to disclose less to their partners - Men disclose more personal information to women than to other men - Differences stem from socialized differences in expressivity ○ Social norms timacy in osures, use they are son likes  ○ More concerned with how the message will be received - Men tend to disclose less to their partners - Men disclose more personal information to women than to other men - Differences stem from socialized differences in expressivity ○ Social norms Miscommunication - Unhappy partners - Poor job of saying what they mean ○ Kitchen sinking: confuse issues by addressing several/too many topics at onc ○ Off beam conversations: wandering from topic to topic - Poor job of hearing each other ○ Jump to conclusions with mindreading and wrongly assume they understand other feels ○ Interrupt to express their disagreement ○ Yes-butting: find faults with anything their partner says ○ Cross-complaining: responding to a partners complaint with one of their own - Negative affect when they talk to each other ○ Criticism: framing a problem as a deficit in one's partner ○ Contempt: acting superior and mocking or insulting one's partner ○ Defensiveness: replying with excuses or counterattacks ○ Stonewalling: when someone withdraws to avoid conflicts ○ Belligerence: purposefully intent to harm the other Paraphrasing - Repeating a message in our own words and giving the sender a chance to agree tha what he or she really meant Perception checking - We assess the accuracy of our inferences about a partner's feelings by asking for cl and feedback Being polite and staying cool - Staying calm in a disagreement helps the state of the relationship Validation - Acknowledges the legitimacy of our partners opinions and communicates respect f positions even when we disagree with them - Recognition of and respect for a partners point of view can make disagreements mu tolerable LECTURE 5: Interdependence - Exists when we need others and they need us in order to obtain valuable interperso rewards Social exchange theory - Two people give and take desirable rewards from each other - Interdependence theory ○ Family of economic theories that attempt to explain the role of social exchang ce how the n at that's larification for their uch more onal ge in the  - Exists when we need others and they need us in order to obtain valuable interperso rewards Social exchange theory - Two people give and take desirable rewards from each other - Interdependence theory ○ Family of economic theories that attempt to explain the role of social exchang perception, maintenance and terminations of relationships Rewards - Results of an interaction that are gratifying, welcoming and fulfilling Costs - Consequences that are frustrating, distressing and undesirable Outcome - Describes the net profit (or loss) of an interaction − 𝑂𝑢𝑡𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 = 𝑅𝑒𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠 − 𝐶𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑠 Interdependency theory suggests - We judge the outcome of our interpersonal reactions with 2 criteria 1. What we expect from our relationships 2. How well we think we can do without our partners Personal comparison level (CL) - Describes what we expect and feel we deserve in our dealings with others - Outcome − 𝐶𝐿 = 𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑟 𝐷𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 - When outcomes exceed our comparison levels, we're happy - When the outcomes fall below our comparison levels, we're distressed Comparison levels for alternative (CLalt) - Described the outcomes we think we could get elsewhere - Lowest level accepted from current partners - When (Clalt.) is not at least matched by the outcome then we leave - Outcome − 𝐶𝐿𝑎𝑙𝑡 = 𝐷𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝐼𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑝𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 - Complex and subjective - Involves considerations of both profit and loss ○ Switching partners or going solo onal ge in the Power dynamics - Principle of lesser interest ○ Partner with lower dependence (higher CLalt relative to their outcomes ) has m in the relationship - More ability to influence the other persons behaviour Reciprocity - People are inclined to reciprocate the exchange of social goods - Our partners interests are aligned with our self-interests Costs hit harder than rewards - More sensitive to losses than gains - All partners distress, disrupt and distress one another ○ More than strangers - Successful couples ○ Balance negative affective expression with more positive affective expression § 5:1 Ratio Humans are hedonic - Seek to maximize rewards and avoid costs in our relationships - Avoiding costs in a relationship is not the same thing as maximizing rewards in a r more power ns relationship Relationship boredom - Increases relationship dissatisfaction - Important to fulfill approach goals Self-expansion model - Boredom reduction by seeking partners and opportunities that expand the range of interests, skills, experiences Model of relational turbulence - After a rapid rise in satisfaction at the very beginning of the relationship many cou experience a lull as they adjust to their increasing interdependence Unanticipated costs - Effect the satisfaction of long term relationships over time - Lack of effort - Conflict - Unwelcome surprises - Unrealistic expectations Proportional justice - Equity theory ○ Where one partners ratio of outcomes to effort is equal to the other partners ○ Relationships are more satisfying when they are perceived to be fair Over/under benefiting - Should be equal rather than one over exerting their efforts - One person would be benefiting while the others needs are not met Division of labour - Equity matters most in this aspect - Household tasks - Childcare responsibilities' - Women are generally under-benefited Friendships - Based on the same building blocks of romance - Mix of components is different Three themes in friendships 1. Affection: like, trust, and care  our uples  - Women are generally under-benefited Friendships - Based on the same building blocks of romance - Mix of components is different Three themes in friendships 1. Affection: like, trust, and care 2. Communion: self-disclose to one another, provide reliable help and support 3. Companionship: sources of recreation and fun Friendships are intimate - Respect - Trust - Capitalization - Social support - Responsiveness Social support - 4 forms ○ Emotional ○ Physical comfort ○ Advice (informational) support ○ Material (instrumental) support - Sensitive and responsive support from others reduces our stress and can have treme physical and psychological health benefits Invisible support - Support that is provided without notice - Goes unnoticed Friendships as we age - Different needs at each stage - Attachment security in early life can help children meet their needs at each stage Childhood - Acceptance ○ Elementary school - Intimacy ○ Middle school - Sexuality ○ High school Adolescence - Teens spend more time with friends and less time with family - Satisfaction of important needs ○ Proximity seeking ○ Separation protest ○ Safe haven ○ Secure base Young adulthood - According to Erikson endous  ○ Proximity seeking ○ Separation protest ○ Safe haven ○ Secure base Young adulthood - According to Erikson ○ Young adults are in a stage of developing either intimacy or isolation - Early college years ○ Friendships networks transition from old to new peers - After college ○ Tend to interact with fewer friends but have deeper, more interdependent rela Midlife - Pattern of dyadic withdrawal occurs when people settle into romantic relationships ○ Spending more time with SO results in less time with friends Old age - Fewer casual friendships but more close - More motivated to maintain intimate relationships according to socioemotional sel theory Socioemotional selectivity theory - Perceptions of your mortality influence the degree that you pursue knowledge vs em goals - When time is ○ Unlimited : knowledge goals ○ Limited: emotional goals Gender - Women ○ Talk more about personal issues ○ Self-disclose more ○ Provide more emotional support ○ Express more feelings of emotion - Women tend to have more intimate friends outside of their romantic relationships t Sexual orientation - Friendship networks for straight people are less diverse than +2SLGBTQAs ○ Galupo (2009): 17% straights had a close LGB friend while 80% of Bs has a straight friend. 57% for LGs - There is no difference in friendship quality - The more time spent with LGBTQ+ people the more accepting straight people beco Relational self-construal's - People who are high in this think of themselves as more interdependent - Tend to understand others better - Strive to benefit others as well as themselves - Make good friends Dark Triad - 3 traits that promote manipulative behaviour ationships s lectivity motional than men close ome  - People who are high in this think of themselves as more interdependent - Tend to understand others better - Strive to benefit others as well as themselves - Make good friends Dark Triad - 3 traits that promote manipulative behaviour ○ Narcissism: arrogant self importance, entitlement, and selfishness ○ Machiavellianism: cynical, duplicitous, manipulative, readily lying for ones s ○ Psychopathy: impulsivity and callous disregard for others' feelings and well-b Shyness - Syndrome that combines social reticence and inhibited interactive behaviour with n discomfort in social settings - Behave in an inhibited, guarded fashion ○ Look at others less ○ Smile less ○ Speak less ○ Less responsive overall Chronic shyness - Many people get anxious in social settings - Chronically shy 1. Stronger fear of negative evaluations 2. Lower self esteem 3. Poorer social skills Shyness and self-fulfilling prophecy - Timid and reticent behaviour that characterized shyness can come across as unfrien ○ Eliciting less warmth and acceptance from others Shyness and the situation - When shy people have an excuse for an interaction to go badly, they remain relaxe not act as shy self-interest being nervous ndly ed and do Shyness and the situation - When shy people have an excuse for an interaction to go badly, they remain relaxe not act as shy Loneliness - Feeling of deprivation and dissatisfaction - Emerges from a discrepancy between the kind of social relations we want and the k have - Two facts ○ Social loneliness: people are dissatisfied because they actually lack a social n friends and acquaintances ○ Emotional loneliness: people are dissatisfied because they lack affection and support form the social network they have Loneliness is consequential - Has physiological effects that have direct impact on health ○ High blood pressure ○ Weaker immune systems ○ Worse sleep ○ Mortality - Loneliness also contributes to depression and low self esteem Individual differences in chronic loneliness Negative attitudes toward others ed and do kind we network of emotional Negative attitudes toward others - Distress and desperation of lonely people can manifest as such - They mistrust others and dislike the people whom they seek acceptance and positiv - Depression results in passivity and low responsiveness ○ Tends to be unrewarding for others - Excessive reassurance seeking can also be annoying ve regard