Relational Dialectics Theory PDF

RELATIONAL DIALECTICS THEORY (Normal tensions that exist in relationships) -Although the tensions are bipolar, we typically experience them on a spectrum/in degrees -Autonomy vs Connection (I need my own space vs I want us to be close) *demand-withdraw pattern-one p...

RELATIONAL DIALECTICS THEORY (Normal tensions that exist in relationships) -Although the tensions are bipolar, we typically experience them on a spectrum/in degrees -Autonomy vs Connection (I need my own space vs I want us to be close) *demand-withdraw pattern-one person demands more connection in the hopes the other person will comply, but it causes the second person to withdraw, which makes the first person demand even more -Novelty vs Predictablility (something new vs routine) -Openness vs Closedness (I’ll talk to you about it vs I don’t want to talk about it) *self-disclosure-revealing info about ourselves that others are unlikely to discover in other ways (observation or learning from a third party) NEGOTIATING TENSIONS -Neutralization (balance-little of this, little of that) -Selection (priority to one need, neglect the other-least satisfying) -Separation (one dialectical need to certain areas of relationship, other dialectical need to other areas of relationship) -Reframing (complex and creative- redefining contradictory needs as not in opposition)  SUPPORTIVE VS DEFENSIVE COMMUNICATION CLIMATES -recognition (“You exist”) -acknowledgment (acknowledge what another feels, thinks, says) -endorsement (accepting another’s feelings or thoughts as “valid”—Sometimes, however, we can’t endorse someone if we don’t accept what they feel or think- for example, if they want to do something harmful to themselves or to another) DEFENSIVE (disconfirming) SUPPORTIVE (confirming) -evaluation (judgment) -description (observation) -strategy (manipulation) -spontaneity (honest) -control (imposing your view) -problem orientation (collaboration) -neutrality (apathy) -empathy (relating) -superiority (“I’m better”/”I know better”) -equality (treating others as equals) -certainty (dogmatism) -provisionalism (open-mindedness)  GUIDELINES FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING CONFIRMING CLIMATES -ACTIVELY USE COMMUNICATION TO BUILD CONFIRMING CLIMATES Use what you’ve learned. Remember it. Practice it. -ACCEPT AND CONFIRM OTHERS When appropriate, practice being supportive and confirming others, their feelings, and their ideas. When we don’t agree with others or like what they do, we can still communicate this without disconfirming them. Engage in dual perspective. Monitor your language and nonverbal when you are communicating a problem or issue you have with their behavior or choices. -AFFIRM AND ASSERT YOURSELF You are no less valuable than anyone else. Your needs matter. Your self-esteem matters. Use your voice. Speak up for yourself. In doing this, seek to be assertive rather than aggressive. Your needs are as valid as, rather than superior (or inferior) to, everyone else’s. -RESPECT DIVERSITY IN RELATIONSHIPS It’s okay that people are complex and different. Acknowledge this. -RESPOND CONSTRUCTIVELY TO CRITICISM (This does not include abusive behavior) Seek more info and understanding about the criticism (and remember that others might not have your knowledge of how to communicate effectively). Ask yourself if the criticism is valid. If you believe it is not, express yourself in a way that affirms both you and the other person. If you’re comfortable doing so (or willing to push your comfort zone), thank the other person who offered the criticism for allowing you to see how others might perceive you (this can be difficult to do, I admit).