The Social Self: Understanding Psychology

The Social Self All Eyes on You  Have you ever had the feeling that everyone is looking at you?  All those people are probably feeling the same thing.  This feeling is caused by two things.  Spotlight effect—the feeling that we are center stage  Illusion of transparency—the feeling tha...

The Social Self All Eyes on You  Have you ever had the feeling that everyone is looking at you?  All those people are probably feeling the same thing.  This feeling is caused by two things.  Spotlight effect—the feeling that we are center stage  Illusion of transparency—the feeling that all our inner feelings are obvious Who We Are  Self-concept—what we know and believe about ourselves  Self-schemas—the specific beliefs by which we define ourselves  Are we:  Athletic  Smart  Compassionate  Lazy The Social Self  Other people are crucial to our self-concept.  We define ourselves against them.  Social comparisons—we cannot know where we stand without comparing ourselves to others  However, with social comparisons, remember that you don’t see all of a person’s reality.  We can compare ourselves up or down, depending on how fragile our self-esteem is at the moment. How Does Our Social Self Develop?  Genetics  Culture  Social roles  Social comparisons  Social identities  The looking-glass self—we use other people as a mirror to see ourselves Self and Culture  There are two basic ways to define yourself.  Individualism—your identity is mostly self- contained  “I am me”.  Collectivism—your identity is mostly created by your groups and relationships  “I am a member of these groups.”  Also known as independent and interdependent selves Self and Culture  Westerners (U.S., Canada, Western Europe, Australia, New Zealand) tend to be individualistic.  Self-reliant  Self-contained  Focused on uniqueness  Self-centered  Dependent on maintaining high self-esteem Self and Culture  Natives of Asia, Africa, Central and South America, and Polynesia tend to be collectivistic.  Self-critical  Dependent on social connections  De-center themselves  Focus on what binds them to others Self and Culture  Worldwide, individualism is associated with:  Affluence  Education  Urbanism  High media consumption  An educated Japanese person living in Tokyo could be more individualistic than a less educated American in the Deep South. Collectivists in Individualism- Land  Overall, the U.S. is by far the most individualistic country in the world.  However, the Deep South, Hawaii, and Utah are more collectivistic than other areas.  My own research hints that Appalachia may be, too. Know Thyself  Things we are really bad at:  Knowing what makes us happy or sad.  Knowing why behave the way we do.  Knowing how long it will take us to do something—planning fallacy  Knowing the intensity and duration of our future emotions  Impact bias—We bounce back from negative events more quickly than we think we will, and take less pleasure from positive events. Bottom Line for Self- Knowledge  Self-reports are untrustworthy, no matter how sincere the person may be.  In fact, too much self-analysis makes our judgments less accurate.  When someone else points out something about yourself, listen. Self-Esteem  Our overall self-evaluation  It’s different for everyone.  Specificity matters.  For the most benefit, compliments should be specific and realistic.  Good self-esteem is important for well- being.  When it’s threatened, we compensate or collapse. Staying Positive  Individualists are hurt more by personal attacks.  Collectivists are hurt more by attacks to their groups.  Likewise, individualists feel best after personal achievements…  …collectivists feel best during social engagement Why Have Self-Esteem?  Some feel because it helps maintain our relationships by letting us know when we might be rejected.  Others feel that it helps counter our fear of death and living our lives in vain.  Terror management theory—holds that much of human behavior comes from holding off our fear of death  Your self-esteem should not come from external sources like money, looks or grades. High, but Not Too High  Narcissism—overly high self-esteem  Entitled, aggressive, tyrannical, and don’t care about others.  Collective narcissism—you believe your group is vastly superior to others.  Contrary to popular belief, narcissism is NOT a cover for deep insecurity. High, but Not Too High  Studies show that U.S. rates of narcissism have risen dramatically over time.  Possible causes range from self-esteem programs in school to the rise of social media and personal technology. Assorted Things Starting with Self-  Self-control—our reserves are limited.  When our stores are depleted, our behavior becomes unpredictable.  Self-efficacy—how competent we feel  Those with high self-efficacy are more likely to succeed.  This is particularly true if they feel like they are in control. Locus of Control  Are you in control of your life?  Internal locus of control—you are in control  External LOC—chance or fate is in control  Having an internal LOC has better well- being outcomes.  It is possible to have too strong of an internal LOC.  Positive thinking can only do so much. Increasing Your Self- Control  Learned helplessness—feeling that nothing you do will make a difference  Self-control can be taught.  If regularly given even small amounts of control, people will do better on a number of measures. Too Much Control?  Choice is good for us.  Too much choice is not.  It causes depression and decreased satisfaction.  We also are more satisfied when we can’t take back our choices. Lying to Ourselves  Self-serving bias—the tendency to perceive ourselves favorably  Self-serving attribution—when I succeed, it’s because of my talents, but when I fail, it’s for some external reason  And yes, people have a bias against seeing their own bias.  Collectivists do this less than individualists. More Lying to Ourselves  Humans tend towards optimism, and it appears to be necessary for well-being.  However, those who are slightly pessimistic often judge a situation and their own abilities more accurately.  Those who are too optimistic don’t take proper precautions and suffer negative outcomes. Still More Lying to Ourselves  False consensus effect—we think people agree with us more than they actually do  False uniqueness effect—we see ourselves as unusually talented, moral, etc.  Basically, our failures are normal and our virtues exceptional.  Self-handicapping—setting ourselves up to fail  This helps protect self-esteem in situations where we think we will fail. Impression Management  Self-presentation—presenting our desired image to others  Self-monitoring—constantly managing our self-presentation  People can be high or low on self- monitoring.  Social media amplifies self-monitoring and self-presentation. The Riddle of the Self  Too little self-esteem and self-efficacy is bad.  Too much self-esteem and self-efficacy is bad.  It is bad to have too much internal or too much external LOC.  To prevent incorrect self-esteem, LOC, and unrealistic optimism, we must know ourselves.  We are bad at knowing ourselves.  We also lie to ourselves.