Online Communication Training - Lesson 23 PDF

COURSE MATERIALS SUMMARY WORKSHEETS QUICK-REFERENCE FLASH CARDS LESSON 23 WWW.ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM  Lesson 23 Lesson Summary This week s lesson focused on...

COURSE MATERIALS SUMMARY WORKSHEETS QUICK-REFERENCE FLASH CARDS LESSON 23 WWW.ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM  Lesson 23 Lesson Summary This week s lesson focused on four things: Dealing with Difficult People Strategy for the Week Danger and Power Phrases for the Week Free-Style Scripting Strategy for theWeek Week Communication Principle of the Week Dealing with Difficult People Strategy for the Week THE MAGIC MIRROR What it is: A strategy used to address passive-aggressive behavior and train the other person that this type of communication does not work with you. What to Do: When someone says something to you that’s aggressive, but the person speaking is not being up-front about it, simply use this three-step process: 1. Backtrack (Repeat what he or she said.) 2. Clarify (State what you believe the intention was.) 3. Ask for confirmation (Ask a yes or no question forcing them to admit their true intention, or forcing them to withdraw.) For Example: “Mart, when you say, “Boy, all that training really paid off,” I sense some sarcasm there, am I reading that correctly?” At this point, Mart is forced to say--"Yes, I was intending to be sarcastic." (He'd probably say: "Ya got that right.") Now his aggressive behavior has been "spotlighted" or revealed for what it is, and you can deal with it. He will clearly see that you won't tolerate sarcasm--which is "passive-aggressive" comments masked as humor. Or Mart will "withdraw" and say "No, I'm serious--the training was worth it," in which case you can accept what he says and "gracefully" allow him off the hook. Danger and Power Phrases for the Week--At Work Danger Phrases: "Strange/Weird/Funny" Power Phrase: "Unusual" Try to be precise and sensitive in your language, and avoid derogatory terms when characterizing something that you don't commonly see or experience- -or that is out of your realm of experience or understanding. "Unusual" carries no negative connotation or judg- ment whereas "weird" does. Compare: "I heard you on the phone, John, and thought your approach to closing out the client was weird. Can you explain what you were doing?" I heard you on the phone, John, and noticed your approach to closing out the client was unusual. Can you explain what you were doing?" Which question might you answer willingly, and which question might you find offensive? Words really do matter. Danger Phrase: "Normal" Power Phrase: "Average/Usual" Again--words matter. "What he does is just not normal." "His behavior is unusual." The first implies a defect; the second carries no judgment, but is simply an observation based on statistics. WWW.ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM  Lesson 23 Lesson Summary Page 2 Danger and Power Phrases for the Week--At Home: Danger Phrase: "Because (something outside of my influence)..." Power Phrase: "Because I..." This goes way beyond simple word choice to mind-set. When asked "why" something "bad" happened, take responsibility, rather than blame someone or something else. "John, why did you lose that deal; I thought it was in the bag?" If John blames others for his life--he'll respond with something like this: "Well, it failed because the buyer didn't get the paperwork to us on time." "Well, it failed because our administrative assistant didn't do her job." If John takes responsibility for his own life, he might say: "It failed because I didn't follow up to make certain the buyer got his paperwork in on time. I should have been on top of that--and the deal wouldn't have fallen through." "It failed because I didn't properly train my own administrative assistant on follow-up procedures." There are definitely things that happen that are beyond our control--and that impact our successes or failures. But there are many many more things that are within our control, and we have to learn to recognize that fact. The result of this recognition? We take responsibility for our mistakes and failures--no more blaming. The flip side? WE GET TO TAKE CREDIT FOR OUR OWN ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESS! Free-Style Scripting Strategy for the Week: THE 10-STEP CONFLICT-RESOLVER: What it is: Use this strategy when communication has broken down and you need to get it back on track. This script is designed for two-way conversations rather than a simple one-way message. How to use it: Use these 10 lead-in lines as a general guide to frame your conversation. Name | When you... | I feel... | Because... | How do you feel about that... | I need... Because... | Or else... | What do you think about that... | How can I help? For example: “Mary, when you tell me you’re dropping out of college to “take a year off” I feel disappointed and frustrated because your father and I saved for years so you could get the education you deserve. How do you feel about that?” Mary will respond in one way or another--and after listening to her, unless she has convinced you of the wisdom of doing what she did--you continue: “Well, I need you to finish your last year of college because that’s what you promised when you started. Or else, I’m afraid your father and I will have to withdraw all further financial support due to the return on this investment. What do you think about that?” Listen carefully to the answer, and sincerely offer to help by asking: How can I help?? You've now made your point, but also are allowing Mary to tell you why she did what she did--and once you understand that, perhaps you can help Mary and help to resolve the situation. WWW.ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM  Lesson 23 Lesson Summary Page 3 COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLE OF THE WEEK Master teachers are all around you. But you have to agree to receive the lesson. HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: I received a question from a student asking me something like this: “Dan, I work in an administrative office, and I deal with patients who don’t listen to a word I say, and don’t care what I have to say. Then, once they must to do something I told them about, they come back and ask me ques- tions that I have already answered, but they weren’t listening, so they didn’t hear me. What am I supposed to do? How can I get them to listen to me the first time around?” The answer is simple--you can’t. People will listen to you in their own good time. In the meantime, these people are your master teachers, helping you practice who you are regardless of who other people are when they are with you. So in truth, these seemingly difficult people are actually helping you be the person you are meant to be--patient, kind, forgiving, etc.-- and what better way to practice than with those who try your patience? They’ll listen when they’re ready to listen. WWW.ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM  DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE DANGER/POWER PHRASES STRATEGY FOR THE WEEK FOR THE WEEK THE MAGIC MIRROR What it is: A strategy used to address passive- AT WORK: aggressive behavior and train the other person that DANGER POWER this type of communication does not work with you. Strange/Weird/Funny Unusual What to Do: When someone says something to you that’s aggressive, but the person speaking is not being up-front about it, simply use this three-step process: Normal Average / Usual 1) Backtrack (Repeat what he or she said.) 2) Clarify (State what you believe the intention was.) 3) Ask for confirmation (Ask a yes or no question forcing them to admit their true intention, or AT HOME: forcing them to withdraw.) DANGER POWER For Example: “Mart, when you say, “Boy, all that training really Because (something Because I... paid off,” I sense some sarcasm there, am I reading outside of my influence)... that correctly?” Possible Follow-Up: “In the future, you don’t have to be afraid to be direct in your communication with me.” ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM FREE-STYLE SCRIPTING COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLE STRATEGY FOR THE WEEK OF THE WEEK THE 10-STEP CONFLICT-RESOLVER: PRINCIPLE: Master teachers are all around you. But you have to agree What it is: Use this strategy when communication has to receive the lesson. broken down and you need to get it back on track. This HOW TO IMPLEMENT THIS PRINCIPLE: script is designed for two-way conversations rather than a I received a question from a student asking me something simple one-way message. like this: How to use it: Us these 10 lead-in lines as a general guide to “Dan, I work in an administrative office, and I deal with frame your conversation. patients who don’t listen to a word I say, and don’t care 1) Name what I have to say. Then, once they must do something I 2) When you... told them about, they come back and ask me questions that 3) I feel... I have already answered, but they weren’t listening, so 4) Because... they didn’t hear me. What am I supposed to do? How can I 5) How do you feel about that... get them to listen to me the first time around?” 6) I need... 7) Because... 8) Or else... The answer is simple--you can’t. People will listen to you 9) What do you think about that... in their own good time. 10) How can I help? In the meantime, these people are your master teachers, For example: helping you practice who you are regardless of who other “Mary, when you tell me you’re dropping out of college to “take people are when they are with you. a year off” I feel disappointed and frustrated because your father and I saved for years so you could get the education you deserve. How do you feel about that?” RESPONSE “Well, I need you to So in truth, these seemingly difficult people are actually finish your last year of college because that’s what you promised helping you be the person you are meant to be--patient, when you started. Or else, I’m afraid your father and I will have kind, forgiving, etc.-- and what better way to practice than to withdraw all further financial support due to the return on this with those who try your patience? They’ll listen when investment. What do you think about that?” RESPONSE “How they’re ready to listen. can I help you finish this last year?” ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM ONLINECOMMUNICATIONTRAINING.COM