Relationships Chapter 9 PDF

Chapter 9: Relationships Professor Katie Bruns Forming Relationships Attractiveness (physical, social, or task) Proximity Similarity Complementary Disclosure Perceived Gain Social Exchange Theory  Rewards – Costs = Outcome  Comparison Level: what you think you deserve  Comparison Le...

Chapter 9: Relationships Professor Katie Bruns Forming Relationships Attractiveness (physical, social, or task) Proximity Similarity Complementary Disclosure Perceived Gain Social Exchange Theory  Rewards – Costs = Outcome  Comparison Level: what you think you deserve  Comparison Level of Alternatives: comparing current to alternatives Why We Form Relationships To serve a purpose: work, task, or social Fundamental need to belong Social support helping others through: 1. Emotional support: empathy and caring 2. Informational support: recommendations, advice, observations 3. Instrumental support: doing a task or favor Personal Relationships Commitment + Interdependence + Investment Defined by: Duration, contact frequency, sharing, support, interaction variability, and goals Dialectical tensions: conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires 1. Separation-Integration 2. Openness-Closedness 3. Predictability-Novelty 4. Similarity-Difference 5. Ideal-Real Dialectical Tensions Developmental Models of Interpersonal Relationships Relational Maintenance 1. Positivity 2. Openness 3. Assurances 4. Sharing tasks 5. Networking 6. Conflict Management 7. Advice Initiating Interacting for the first time Demonstrating that you are a person worth talking to Superficial stage Difficult stage for some people Experimenting Having conversations to learn more about each other Small talk in order to: 1. Find shared interests 2. “Auditioning” Intensifying Personal relationship develops Relational excitement and euphoria Doesn’t last forever Integrating Deep commitment & relationship has its own identity Identity as a social unit Social circles merge Sense of obligation grows Bonding Stage Symbolic public gestures to show the world that the relationship exists Relationships don’t have to be romantic to achieve bonding Important turning point Differentiating Viewing differences as undesirable Re-establishment of individual identities (“Our”  “My”) Normal part of relational maintenance—key is maintaining commitment while creating space for individuality Circumscribing Decreased quality and quantity of communication More separation than integration Stagnating Barely communicating Relationship is hollow shell of its former self Couples are unenthusiastic, have no sense of joy or novelty Avoiding Physical and emotional distance is created Terminating Relationship is over Talk about the desire to dissociate Can be short or drawn out Termination is a learning experience Limits of Developmental Models Don’t always follow this specific pattern Can “come together” and “come apart” at the same time Repairing Damaged Relationships Relational transgressions: when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way Types of relational transgressions:  Minor vs. significant  Social vs. relational  Deliberate vs. unintentional  One-time vs. incremental Strategies for Relational Repair Talk about the violation Ask questions and listen nondefensively to the answers Apologize:  Explicit admission transgression was wrong  Genuine regret  Compensation  Nonverbal behavior must match words Forgiving Transgressions:  Forgiveness has personal and relational benefits.  Forgiveness can be difficult so recall times that you have needed others’ forgiveness