Helping Skills for Understanding PDF

## Helping Skills for Understanding ### Aeoner. 5. If writing is difficult for any reason, use a tape recorder (although this may be more time-consuming for the helper to review). 6. Write freely, without fear of criticism for spelling, grammar, and so forth. 7. Helper can give feedback, but caref...

## Helping Skills for Understanding ### Aeoner. 5. If writing is difficult for any reason, use a tape recorder (although this may be more time-consuming for the helper to review). 6. Write freely, without fear of criticism for spelling, grammar, and so forth. 7. Helper can give feedback, but carefully because writing is a very personal activity. ### Skill Cluster 5: Interpreting Interpreting is an active helper process of explaining the meaning of events to helpees so that they are able to see their problems in new ways. The main goal is to teach helpees to interpret events in their lives by themselves. In paraphrasing, the helpee's internal frame of reference is maintained, whereas through interpretation the helper offers a new frame of reference. Interpretation is used more in formal psychotherapy than in simple styles of helping because of therapists' needs to think diagnostically. They must be formulating hunches all the time about what is going on and what might be a logical explanation for their helpees' behaviors. They do not always share these thoughts, since they serve primarily to help them understand what is going on in their helpees. Many helpers feel this kind of thinking hinders the helping process because the helper becomes preoccupied with thinking about or ahead of helpees rather than with them. This shift to an external frame of reference in the helper is one of the main limitations of using interpretive skills. Interpretations often are given in terms of some special theory of personality change held by the helper. Usually these explanations are expressed as hypotheses, or hunches, about what is happening. The best method of becoming familiar with the many styles of interpreting is to watch films or listen to tapes of different helpers. Interpreting is similar to reflecting, but interpreting adds the helper's meanings to the helpee's basic message. When you decide that an interpretation might be helpful, look for the basic message of the helpee (as in reflecting and paraphrasing), restate it in capsule form, then add your understanding of what the helpee has said (the interpreting). If the interpretation makes sense to the helpee, it will accelerate the interview. If the interpretation is not meaningful, try again. You must also be confident that your interpretation was essentially accurate, since it may take some time before its significance to the helpee sinks in. Interpreting means that you are leading helpees to seek wider understandings of their feelings and broader perceptions. You must recognize that occasionally you will be too far removed from the helpee, and then you will need to aim a little closer to the helpee's level of awareness. It should be understood clearly that the goal of all interpretive effort is self-interpretation by the helpee and increasing the helpee's ability to act effectively. Some examples of interpretation at a simple level without an elaborate theoretical rationale are: "You have told me about your family as if you were a disinterested observer. I gather you have no specific feeling about them." "It is possible for people to both love and hate their fathers at the same time." "Perhaps you can see that your feelings of hostility toward men might be at the root of your marital difficulties." ### Interpretive Questions Some interpreting is done in the form of questions such as, “Do you think then that you distrust men because your father treated you so badly?" This questioning form implies a more tentative quality than the declarative statements and makes interpreting less risky for the helper. Interpretive questions have a focusing effect also, such as in the following illustration where the helpee has been avoiding discussion of his self-concerns. HR: When are you going to be concerned about yourself, too? HE: That is a selfish attitude. HR: So, what's wrong with that? HE: I don't like selfish people. HR: Because...? HE: Selfish people aren't very popular. HR: So, popularity is important to you; and if you are too self-centered, people won't like you. Is that getting close to where you are? ### Fantasy and Metaphor Interpretations Another stylized way of introducing an interpretation is to put it in the form of a fantasy (daydream), even using the picture language of a metaphor. An example is, "I have a fantasy about what you have just said. I picture you walking down a path in the woods, coming to a fork in the path, and being undecided which one to choose. You unconcernedly flip a coin and run joyfully down the path chosen by the coin. How does this fit?" If the fantasy is close to the helpees' awareness, it will trigger new ways of perceiving themselves. The limitation is that in using this skill helpers shift into their own frame of reference, thus forcing helpees to deal with them (or their fantasies). Sometimes it is useful just to give one's reaction in the form of a metaphor, such as, "Most of the time I perceive you as a great big soft teddy bear who stays in any position he is placed." A meaningful metaphor for helpees is the “box of life.” It is useful to help them understand the difficult situations in which they find themselves. For example, the helper might say to a helpee who feels restricted, frustrated, or exploited, “It appears to me that you have allowed others to put you in this cramped little box. How long are you going to stay there? What are you going to do to get out?" A second skill in using metaphors is to observe the special action words used by helpees to describe their experiences. They tend to use certain images consistently. Some of these images are visual (“I see the light"), while others are auditory ("That sounds right"), or kinesthetic (“That idea grabs me"). Some helpees use gustatory words (“a sour project"), or olfactory images ("a stinking mess"). Many people have a dominant sensory mode, while others tend to have a mixture of sensory images in their language. The point in helping is to listen for the sensory metaphors used by the person and then match your helping language to the helpee's dominant sensory mode. For example, if the helpee uses primarily visual verbs and images, such as bright, shining, looking, and drawing, then the helper tries to use this modality in his or her own responses. The purpose is to get into helpees' experiences to promote their self-understanding and to put the helper in a position of greater influence with helpees. Another goal is to broaden the helpee's sensory language base by asking, for example, how the person's life is going, how the person sees his or her past, and how the future rings. The research base for this work is in psycholinguistics, or the psychological study of language (Bandler & Grinder, 1975, 1982). ### Levels of Interpretation We have mentioned the idea of levels of interpreting several times. Interpreting could be placed on a continuum from reflecting, where you stay at the meaning and feeling level of the helpee, through elaborate theoretical explanation of behavior in depth interpretation. Even in so-called depth interpretation we do not dig deeply into the helpees' psyches and come up with brilliant insights that unfold the mysteries of their personalities. This is a popular view that came from distorted perceptions of psychoanalytic methods. The solution to most psychological problems comes down to understanding the meaning of the problem for the person. Interpreting is explaining or suggesting ways to construe the meaning of a problem or its solution. The basic underlying assumption is that if the meaning is more clear the person will be better able to work through present and future personal problems. The following illustration offers a few of these ways of responding at different levels of meaning. The helpee says, "I was at a party last night where I drank too much. I broke into tears and cried and cried. I acted like a child who wanted to go home to mother. I feel so ashamed." Your response, at different levels, might be one of the following: 1. “You drank to the point where tears came freely. You're ashamed now as you talk about it." (content paraphrase) 2. “You feel very bad about what happened last night." (general feeling reflection) 3. "You feel bad that you lost control of yourself last night." (mild interpreting-adding the idea of control) 4. “You drank until you lost control of your feelings. As you look back on the evening now, you want to punish yourself for acting that childish way." (interpreting-adding the idea of punishing and reverting to childhood patterns) 5. “Your drinking, crying, and mentioning mother makes me wonder if you want to go back to mother-like being dependent on her for comfort and feeling you can't stand on your own two feet." (deeper level interpreting-desire for a comforting mother and dependency) 6. (Interpreting the helpee's statement according to some theoretical framework, like gestalt, which might explain in terms of giving up dependency on others and substituting self-dependency; or the rational-emotive approach for getting rid of self-defeating and self-punishing feelings about behavior, or psychoanalytic interpretations about wishes to go back to the womb. Behaviorally oriented helpers might inquire about the helpees' desires to change their drinking or crying behavior.) The myriad verbal forms for couching interpreting skills are really too complex to cover in detail in this basic helping skills book, but it would be wrong to understate the significance and usefulness of interpreting skill for the average helper. We should know not only the possible uses but also the implications for misuse. Further readings in the Suggestions for Further Study at the end of this chapter will add to your understanding of various styles of interpretation. The main consequences for helpees of being confronted through interpretation are broadened perceptions of meanings of their behaviors and different ways of viewing their problems and possible solutions. Generally speaking, helpees can expect a deeper understanding of their problems as a result of the added perspectives of the helper. If you get the “Suddenly I realized” reaction, you know your interpreting has been successful. Interpreting also has the effect of intensifying the emotional involvement of helpees so that they will take more responsibility for their own interpreting. Guidelines for interpreting are as follows: 1. Look for the basic message(s) of the helpees. 2. Paraphrase these to them. 3. Add your understanding of what their messages mean in terms of your theory or your general explanation of motives, defenses, needs, styles. 4. Keep the language simple and the level close to their messages. Avoid wild speculation and statements in esoteric words. 5. Introduce your ideas with statements that indicate you are offering tentative ideas on what their words or behaviors mean. Examples are "Is this a fair statement?" "The way I see it is,” “I wonder if,” or “Try this one on for size" 6. Solicit helpee reactions to your interpretations. 7. Teach helpees to do their own interpreting. Remember, we can't give insight to others; they must make their own discoveries. When helpees make interpretations that you gave them earlier, but they act as though it is original, pat yourself on the back, but say nothing about the source of the idea. You have done your work as a helper well! ### Skill Cluster 6: Informing ### Giving Information This skill of information giving is so commonplace that it needs little elaboration. It is included here to indicate that sharing simple facts possessed by helpers is sometimes the most helpful thing they could do. Some kinds of information in the expertise category, such as information from test instruments, require special skills for planning and decision making that are beyond the scope of this general helping book. Further information on skills for informing about interests, aptitudes, and personality traits may be obtained from the Suggestions for Further Study section at the end of this chapter. Another category of information about services concerning financial planning, retirement decisions, caregiving resources, career planning, and family planning needs to be handled by specially informed people through referral skills to be described in the next chapter. ### Advice Giving advice is a common type of informing activity by helpers. Helpees, expecting some kind of expert pronouncements in the form of sound advice on what to do, often thrust the helper into the role of expert. Beginning helpers, too, often perceive their function as giving “common sense” advice. Before reading further we suggest you formulate your own ideas about giving and receiving advice. How do you feel when people advise you? Under what conditions in your life has advice been helpful? What were the characteristics of the adviser? Do age or experience make any difference? Conversely, how do you feel about giving advice? Are there differences between giving advice and offering information? There is a long tradition of giving advice in the helping folklore. It is a common occurrence between persons who know and trust one another. This time-honored function among friends is often beneficial. Issues arise, however, when helpees consult helpers in their larger environments at work, church, or school. These institutions have many natural self-styled advice givers who often have attractive charismatic qualities. As a consequence, they are sought out by confused and troubled people, largely because they are attractive people with a reputation for being helpful. These persons could just as well be bartenders, janitors, or clerks as well as those with helping titles such as ministers or teachers. Helpees without serious emotional disabilities often do not want psychotherapy or counseling, but seek advice mainly on a particular problem. What they often search for is an empathetic listener who will not attempt to "psych them out," "play the therapy game," or treat them like disobedient children. In an informal study of what Korner' called “indigenous counselors" he found that almost all bureaucratic organizations had such an informally appointed advice giver in the small-group structures. This person's function, according to Korner's data, is to become the organization's human behavior lay expert. His data from people who consulted these indigenous advisers indicate that such advisers enjoy talking to people, appreciate the respect and confidence people place in them, appear self-confident and dignified, and are very willing to give of their store of accumulated problem-solving experience in a no-nonsense neutral manner. They had an unusual quality to get to the core of the matter and inspire confidence and trust. The advice was offered in a manner that did not obligate the receiver to follow it or seek subsequent meetings for further help. Receivers were careful to indicate that this adviser did not offer solace and support to reduce psychic discomfort. The main contributions of the indigenous advice givers were to crystallize and focus issues, to clarify decision processes, and to move beyond the impasse. It appears that persons perceived as helpful advice givers use helping skills far beyond sheer conventional advice. These findings suggest also that such indigenous helpers in organizations are performing useful services to people informally and could probably enhance their effectiveness with additional work on helping skills. Unfortunately, Korner's data did not reveal the nature or the consequences of "bad advice." Giving advice in the traditional manner is a controversial topic in helping literature. Some writers claim advising reflects the arrogance of helpers who assume they are so all-knowing that they can advise other persons on a course of action. Critics also claim advice is ineffective and fosters dependency. Yet others assert that advice giving is helpful under some circumstances. Advice can be helpful if it is given by trusted persons with expert opinions based on solid knowledge of a supporting field such as law, medicine, or child rearing. Sometimes helpees need a recommended course of action supported by wide experience and, it is hoped, by facts. There is a place for suggestions that leave the evaluation and the final decision about courses of action completely open to the helpee. You can suggest hypotheses that need checking before acting upon them. Examples are situations in which parents are exploring ways of handling rebellious children or students are weighing choices about courses. The use of considered suggestions is appropriate when the contact is short and the decision relatively inconsequential in the person's life. Advice is often appropriate in crisis situations where several people must cooperate to prepare helpees for major readjustments of their life circumstances. Examples are family reorganization after hospitalization, divorce, imprisonment, unemployment, or financial loss. Advice is wholly inappropriate for dealing with major individual choice questions, such as, "Should I get a divorce?" or "What career should I enter?" Most people object to advice given in the form of "father knows best," or offhand suggestions tempered with strong persuasion. Usually, persons giving advice have a strong stake in the helpee's following that advice, and their persuasive attitude often generates hostility in helpees. Every parent knows this! The principal limitation of advice giving is that helpees usually don't follow it. They often seemingly ask, or even beg, for advice but they are most often asking themselves the rhetorical question, "What shall I do?" They may be expressing dependent feelings, knowing full well what to do. If helpers fall into this trap, they justifiably incur the wrath or contempt of the helpee. A more productive strategy, especially if there is time, is to deal with the feelings involved first. The main task is to distinguish between the honest and direct request for information or suggestions and the expression of indecisive or dependent feelings. When in doubt, it is more productive to try a reflecting approach with the presumed feelings first, and then deal with the request itself. Some other limitations of giving advice are that it reinforces dependence on experts, which shifts responsibility to the helper for solutions. Frequently, helpers who take the "If I were you" approach are projecting their own needs, problems, or values into the advice rather than keeping the helpee's needs foremost. Experience in group forms of helping indicates that often participants begin giving advice because they unconsciously perceive the other person's problems as their own; therefore, they are really speaking to themselves. Another limitation, furthermore, is that the helpee may take the helper's advice and later find that it was invalid. The helper then is blamed when things don't turn out right in the helpee's life. A summary of guidelines for informing skills is as follows: 1. Be informed, or know the sources of information, in your area of advertised expertise. 2. Do not use educational or psychological test instruments without thorough training in their uses and limitations. 3. Don't use advice unless it is in the form of tentative suggestions based on solid expertise. ### Skill Cluster 7: Summarizing Summarizing skills include attention to what the helpee says (content), how it is said (feelings), and the purpose, timing, and effect of the statements (process). Most helping interviews wander widely over many ideas and feelings. This may be part of the helpee's manner of showing discomfort by resisting direct discussion, or of keeping the helper at a safe emotional distance for awhile. It may reflect also the helpee's unwillingness to terminate the interview. Summarizing involves tying together into a statement several ideas and feelings at the end of a discussion unit.