Social Exchange Theory

Social Exchange

• In successful relationships, individuals mutually exchange desirable rewards.
• People aim to get the best deal at the lowest cost.
• Rewards in relationships are fulfilling and desirable, such as affection, emotional support, and gifts.
• Costs are undesirable aspects like time, money, and dealing with in-laws.
• Outcome is defined as Rewards minus Costs.
• People desire a net positive outcome in the relationship.
• Interdependence Theory explores what one can gain from a relationship, expectations, and potential gains from leaving.

Comparison Level (CL) and Alternatives (CLalt)

• Comparison Level (CL) what one thinks they deserve in a relationship.
• When outcomes exceed CL, the partner goes beyond expectations, leading to greater happiness and satisfaction.
• If outcomes fall below CL, it causes disappointment and unhappiness, because expectations are not being met.
• Happiness level is calculated as Outcomes minus CL.
• A satisfactory happiness rating is not always enough

Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt)

• Comparison level for alternatives (CLalt) reflects how well one could do elsewhere
• CLalt is the lowest level of outcomes that individuals will accept.
• Stability of relationship is determined by subtracting CLalt from Outcomes.
• A CLalt is a complex judgement involving investments.
• Viewing leaving an investment as a loss deters people from leaving.
• Consider what a person would lose if they left: family ties, friends, house, financial stability.

CL and CLalt Over Time

• As a relationship progresses, an individual's comparison level typically increases leading to increased expectations.
• As a relationship progresses, the amount of alternatives decrease
• Both CL and CLalt are currently higher than ever in America.
• Expectations have gone up due to increase in options and social media.

Economies of Relationships

• Costs tend to be more influential, because bad is stronger than good
• Negative events affect people more than positive events.
• A 5:1 ratio of rewards to costs is needed.
• Gottman and Levenson determined you need 5 positive and mitigating factors.
• Only one negative factor or actions is permitted, and the positive must counteract the negative.
• High risk is a low risk and vice versa
• It is important to avoid negative outcomes.
• It is important to gain positive outcomes.
• Appetitive and aversive processes often exist in close relationships.
• Mixed feelings are normal in a relationship: the good and the bad.
• Relationships destined to fail initially do not differ from those destined to succeed regarding rewards.
• Costs increase over time, while rewards do not necessarily increase.
• Increased responsibilities and commitment increase costs.
• In successful relationships, both costs and rewards increase over time.
• Most relationships will encounter a plateau in satisfaction
• Satisfaction decreases as time passes.
• Kids account for time, sleep, stress, and money

Relationship Decline

• Kids can bring joy and fulfillment, but the costs outweigh this
• Relationships often decline due to lack of effort.
• Interdependency acts as a magnifying glass.
• Access to weaponry is a factor in unhappiness.
• Weaponry includes knowledge of partner, blackmail, psychological warfare, knowing what buttons to push
• Unrealistic expectations

Relationship Types: Exchange vs. Communal

• Two types of relationships that have emerged
• Exchange Relationships focus on ensuring everything is even and equal.
• People in exchange relationships do not like to get more than what they put out there.
• People in exchange relationships do not like being in debt to others
• People in exchange relationships keeps mental checklists of exchanges
• Communal Relationships focus on value support.
• People in communal relationships do not want immediate payback
• People in communal relationships don’t keep a mental list.
• People in communal relationships still want it to be even, but it doesn't have to be even right now
• Immediate payback is not valued in communal relationships
• Communal Relationships are more focused on partner’s needs rather than what partners get out of it
• People in communal relationships tend to have more satisfaction and are happier.
• Relationships tend to switch to an exchange style as they deteriorate, leading to greater unhappiness.

Equitable Relationships

• Being a nice partner is not always enough. it is important to be a fair partner
• Partnerships can be inequitable when one partner is either over-benefited or under-benefited
• Restoring actual equity is important and come in the form of pulling back
• Psychological equity relies on convincing yourself that contributions and outcomes are equal.
• Leaving the relationship is the final way to restore equity.
• Equity is restored three ways, actual, psychological and abandoning the relationship

Nature of Commitment

• Commitment is what is viewed as critical for a relationship
• Personal commitment (I want to)
• Constraint commitment (I have to)
• Moral commitment (I ought to)
• Personal commitment is considered the strongest, rooted in a desire to be with the person.
• Commitment is affected by CL, Clalt and Investment.
• Higher satisfaction correlates with greater commitment.
• The more the CL is being met and exceeded, the happier and more committed you will be
• Higher CLalt results in less commitment to the current relationship.
• Greater investment leads to greater commitment.

Actions to Protect a Relationship

• Partners exhibit actions to protect and maintain their relationships when committed.
• Accommodative actions involve tolerating behaviors that would originally provoke you
• Accommodative actions includes giving the partner the benefit of the doubt, but its frequency will affect accommodation
• Willingness to Sacrifice comes into play
• The more committed a partner is, the more they are likely to sacrifice for them
• Perceived Superiority is important
• Committed individuals tend to view their relationship as better than others
• This is because they see themselves as superior thanks to their relationship
• Leaving this relationship would bring them down

History of Love

• Different cultures have different views of love
• The Greeks used to view love and passion as a mental illness.
• The Greeks valued platonic relationships in marriage
• Most people in US assume sex is part of marriage
• Some cultures view marriage as purely for procreation
• Marriage between opposite and same sex couples
• Love being an aspect of marriage was only a recent thing.
• Now it is common to question "should we love our spouses?"

Triangular Theory of Love

• The triangular theory of love is comprised of intimacy, passion, and commitment
• Liking involves intimacy alone.
• Liking involves true friendships without passion or long term commitment.
• Infatuation is passion alone, like a crush
• Infatuation involves passionate, obsessive love at first sight without intimacy or commitment
• Empty Love is commitment alone
• Empty love is commitment to remain together without intimacy or passion such as "staying for the sake of the kids"
• As relationships progress, intimacy and commitment go up, but passion goes down
• Romantic Love is intimacy plus passion
• Romance involves lovers physically and emotionally attracted to each other without commitment, exemplified by a summer romance.
• Companionate Love is intimacy plus commitment.
• This love is exemplified by long-term committed friendship, such as a marriage in which the passion has faded.
• Fatuous Love is passion plus commitment.
• This love has commitment based on passion but without time for intimacy to develop.
• Fatuous love is shallow and exemplified by whirlwind courtships.
• Consummate Love involves intimacy, passion, and commitment
• Ideal, but difficult to attain.
• Nonlove is low in all three

Physiology of Love

• Love looks different than lust
• Sex hormones are associated with lust.
• Testosterone is the sex hormone
• Dopamine is associated with love
• The happy hormone is a type of dopamine
• Oxytocin is associated with commitment.
• Oxytocin tends to makes people feel closer to one another and is a bonding hormone

VTA and the Caudate

• The Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA) and Caudate nucleus are also associated with love
• Heightened cortisol, dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin are all linked to romantic love
• Heightened cognitive functions affect body image, self-representation, attention, and social cognition
• Rollercoasters can surprisingly make great first dates
• Strong arousal influences feelings of romantic love
• Excitation transfer is applicable
• High energy influences feelings towards the person attracted to/on a date with

Arousal and Attraction

• High arousal amplifies attraction; high arousal and low attraction equals super low attraction.
• Adrenaline fuels romantic love.
• The source of arousal is less important than the transference of arousal to the attractive person.
• The two-factor theory of romantic love states there is physiological arousal, paired with the belief that another person is the cause of arousal
• Ruben was interested in the distinction between love and liking.
• Ruben's Love and Liking Scale (1973) assesses intimacy and dependence
• Romantic love involves both giving and taking.
• Romantic and platonic relationships are different because romantic is selfish/selfless

Is Love Blind?

• Ignoring the the faults in your partners is being blind
• Companionate Love is a combination of intimacy and commitment
• Companionate Love is less intense as romantic love, due to the absence of passion
• Companionate love is more of a deep friendship
• Oxytocin is associated with companionate love
• There are two major types of love that occur frequently in American marriages they are based off of passion
• Six types of love experiences exist, they are; eros, ludus, storge, mania, agape, and pragma
• Eros involves physical appearance, belief in "love at first sight", is fueled by strong physiological responses, and full passion.
  • Often more present in men.
• Ludus sees love as a game, are fickle, and may try to have several partners and are much less committed.
  • Often more present in men.
• Storge is focused on friendship and commitment while deemphasizing strong emotions.
  • Is similar to companionate love
• Mania is an obsessive type of love
  • Mania is prone to jealousy and fantasy and is obsessed with the concept of love. - Often more present in women
• Agape is altruistic
  • Selfless and a love is a duty, not done to gain something
  • Exemplified as love a parent has for their kids or volunteers
• Pragma is pragmatic and practical
  • Dispassionate about partners while seeking our partners with logic in mind, looking for a good match
  • Historically, is a very common reason for getting married
  • Often more present in women
• Personal love styles are often individual

Attachment Styles

• Bartholomew (1990) discovered different categories in attachment styles
• Secure attachment Styles are commonly used and revolve around a anxiety about abandonment.
  • Secure attachments often tend to be more trusting
  • Tend to have better passion and intimacy
• Attachment Styles often involve insecure or avoidant qualities
  • There may be two different ways that people may seem to be avoidant
• Personal attachment style influence;
• Intimacy
• Passion
• Commitment
• Caring and Caregiving
• The most secure relationships often involve one or 2 attached partners
• The quality of attachment can vary from partner to partner

Affection Throughout Life

• As your age gets higher, affection tends to decrease in terms of needs as you age
• Love generally can become less intense, and more positive overall
• Gender differences do exist, but they are generally quite small
• Men tend to more more passionate
• Women tend to more more selective
• Men are more likely to say "I love you" first
• Women tend to more more cautious
• Love at least not in the way we idealize
• Love can last, but typically people assume love boils down to just passion
• Arranged marriages have a steady incline in love scale and the pressure is lowered
• Love marriages often plateau and decline over the years.
• Some things change in just 2 years: expression of affection goes down and this lead to divorce (4th year)
• The oddest of bedfellows is relationships, since passion is about fantasy and marriage is about reality
• Novelty: As you lose the newness of something, it takes longer to get aroused
• Arousal may be more difficult in long term relationships

Sexual Attitudes

• It is "acceptable" for individuals to have intercourse
• It is most acceptable for those who are married to have intercourse
• "Permissiveness with affection" standard is in majority with Americas
• 25% of Americans view sex before marriage as taboo
• Men are more permissive
• Women value emotional connection
• A sexual double standard is a stigma that shames
• Men are more likely to be shunned if they have an STI
• Acceptance is increasing among Same-Sex Couples
• Approval is factored by several factors
• Older generations are much more conservative
• Accepting and progressive behaviors are present among younger generations
• Contact is a large factor
• Contact is often a positive act
• Belief in why is the leading factor in acceptance
• Nature
• Nurture
• Choice

Sexual Orientation

• Perspective is a leading key
• Heterosexual vs homosexual: differences in the brain patterns
• X chromosome makes it maternal.
• Sexual orientation is not a matter of choice
• It is discriminatory to deny the legal recognition of the relationship
• Sexual activity is a want or need

Sexual Activity

• In the US, most people is more permissive
• Americans have a permissive attitude due to media and sex but is often shamed to talk about it
• America is the most conservative country when it comes to the idea of sexual expression overall
• Premarital is sexually active
• 97% sexually partake in premarital sex
• 17 is the age range.
• Use safety precaution when it comes to the idea of sexual expression overall
• Teen pregnancy rate
• 1 in 4 women have an STI in the united states.

Love and Sex

• Spouses have more sexual interactions than singles
• Sexual activity with age
• Sexual orientation
• Gay is the most followed by straight Then lesbian and
• Reason is self-explanatory

Monogamy

• Monogamy is a Romantic relationship where you're committed to one and only one partner
• Serial monogamy
• Changing in partner, but only maintaining one at a time
• What most people consider cheating or extramarital affairs is extradyadic sex
• Most will never cheat
• (these are based on self-reports)
• Most will never know either
• Multiple reasons for why, such as social desirability, testosterone, etc.
• It will always rise with people who are gay.
• It will always be less than people who are str8 and that Is how it plays out
• On a scale of 0-6 where people often cheat It is a spectrum with 0-6 placements 0 = Restricted socioamorous orientation 1-3 is somewhat restricted 3-5 is somewhat unrestricted 6 = unrestricted socioamorous orientation Typically pursue sex in casual and uncommitted relationships More likely to have an unsecure attachment style Often more charismatic Tend to be less committed and more likely to partake in extradyadic sex Quality of the relationship impacts the status of monogamy If you feel unbenefited, you are more likely to seek other partners Most cheat for sex Self-esteem boosting Revenge

Sexual Desire

• Men often go through different events and fantasize a lot more

STIs

• There is a bigger fear around STIs
• There is testosterone at play
• There is also societal pressure
• 16% 50% of men
• 16% of women will pleasure their selves
• 50% of men also pleasure their selves College hook up rates 75 of 100 will hook up And most of those events have one thing in common and that is hookups Those events don't take into consideration all event in order to be accurate Most of the time oral sex or intercourse A third is with a stranger

Sex and Alcohol

• 75 of 100 will hook up The numbers don't take into consideration all acts of each encounter And alcohol Because they're are factors that goes into each one And risk happens regardless Often leads to pluralistic ignorance

Health and Relationships

• Hormonal changes will change the body’s hormone levels
• Pregnancy is at play to
• Barrier to
• Health safety is often ignored

Health

• There are often 2 facts about STIs

• You can often get a STI with your first acts

• Don't know it a have a STI

• Sex is the way STIs occurs

• The answer to it is abstinence

• Safer acts

• You will often see females who are pregnant without some form of birth protection will get pregnant in any form

• Get it done and tested often

Romance

• The acts with each sexually and or sexual
• Often have some form of romantic pleasure.
• Often play that roll
• It is a self discovery

Behavior

• Men are more active sexually
• Sexual and or sexual play
• Too many of us are uncomfortable talking about sex
• Is that the nonverbal is there Most of just let it happen Masters
• In 1975 they started their research
• Masters and Johnson
• Often a big discovery on sexuals

Consent

• Always their for sexually safe interactions

Communication

• It takes two

Sexual facts

• Is often a touchy feeling
• Coning somone is not consensual in order to have or has always
• Often just an illusion
• Often manipulation

Rape

• Always a difficult feeling, touchy and there is never some form of right to it
• And that goes for anyone.

Safe Sexual Health Awareness

• In short you can get pregnant or have an STI but it is always better to safe than to live in suffering
• You will know yourself and know your partner and that is what is more important than anything
• Sexual interactions reward basic needs in Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness