Relationships: Dialectics, Communication, and Stages

• Relational dialectics are tensions between opposing needs in relationships.

Relational Dialectics

• Autonomy vs. Connection: Balancing independence with the need to connect.
• Openness vs. Privacy: Balancing transparency with keeping things private.
• Novelty vs. Predictability: Balancing excitement with the need for stability.

Managing Dialectics

• Selection: Choosing one side of the tension over the other.
• Separation: Meeting different needs in different contexts.
• Neutralization: Finding a compromise or balance.
• Reframing: Changing the perspective on the tension.

Communication Skills for Forming New Relationships

• Active listening, empathy, and clear intentions are important.
• Self-disclosure and non-verbal communication are necessary.
• Vulnerability and demonstrating interests in others are beneficial.
• Creating shared experiences aids relationship formation.

Knapp’s Staircase Model of Relationship Stages

• Initial interaction which is the Initiating stage, filled with introductions.
• Experimenting: Discovering common interests.
• Intensifying: The relationship is deepening.
• Integrating: Lives are merging together.
• Bonding: A Public commitment is made (e.g., marriage).
• Differentiating: Differences increase and become noticeable.
• Circumscribing: Communication decreases.
• Stagnating: The relationship becomes stale.
• Avoiding: Physical and emotional distance develops.
• Terminating: The relationship comes to its end.
• Communication progresses from superficial to intimate or distant, and differs at each stage.

Strengths and Limitations of Stage Models

• Strengths: Provides a framework for understanding development and dissolution of a relationship.
• Limitations: Relationships don't always follow a linear path and can skip stages.

Turning Point Analysis

• Focuses on key events impacting relationships, instead of fixed sequences.
• Turning points can include breakups or major fights.

Hyper-Personal Model

• Online communication can lead to more intimate relationships than face-to-face interactions.
• Selective self-presentation and idealization can lead to intense relationships.

Social Penetration Theory (SPT)

• Relationships develop through gradual sharing of personal information.
• As people self-disclose, they move from superficial to intimate levels.

Stages of Social Penetration Theory

• Orientation: Sharing superficial information.
• Exploratory Affective Exchange: Sharing personal opinions and attitudes.
• Affective Exchange: Sharing more private information.
• Stable Exchange: Deep, highly personal communication.

Self-Disclosure

• Sharing personal information is needed for intimacy, trust, and relationship development.

Disclosure and Liking

• Disclosure leads to liking when perceived as genuine, reciprocal, and builds closeness.

Dyadic Effect

• The tendency for self-disclosure to be reciprocated in two-person relationships.

Reciprocity of Disclosure

• One person's disclosure encourages the other to reciprocate, building trust.

Disclosure and Vulnerability

• Sharing personal information involves vulnerability.
• It can also foster intimacy and trust.

Topics Commonly Kept Secret

• Personal issues, past relationships and financial issues are common.
• Embarrassing experiences.

Risks of Self-Disclosure

• Rejection, judgment, and vulnerability to manipulation are risks.

Reasons for Keeping Secrets

• People keep secrets to protect themselves or others.
• Keeping secrets can also be a tactic to avoid conflict, or out of fear of judgment.

Consequences of Secret Keeping

• Negative consequences: Stress, guilt, emotional burden.
• Positive consequences: Protecting relationships, maintaining privacy.

Difficulty of Keeping Secrets

• Secrets create emotional strain and are difficult to manage.

Types of Closeness

• Emotional closeness: Sharing feelings and emotions.
• Physical closeness: Proximity and physical affection.
• Relational closeness: A deep sense of connection or commitment.

How Closeness is Communicated

• Verbal: Sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
• Non-verbal: Physical touch, eye contact, body language.
• Supportive: Offering help and encouragement.

Dual Process Model of Supportive Communication

• Explains how people process support messages and predict their effectiveness.
• The way support is given impacts its effectiveness.

Giving Advice

• Advice should be offered with empathy, sensitivity, and non-judgment.
• The recipient needs to welcome the advice for it to be effective.

Types of Supportive Communication

• Emotional, informational, and instrumental assistance.

Listening and Psychological Reactance

• Reactance occurs when someone feels their freedom is restricted.
• Effective listening can reduce reactance by showing respect and understanding.

Invisible vs. Visible Support

• Invisible support: Providing help without drawing attention.
• Visible support: Clearly offering assistance.

Sex Differences in Expressing Closeness

• Men may show closeness through shared activities.
• Women might express it through verbal communication and emotional connection.

Types of Friendships

• Platonic: Non-romantic.
• Romantic: Involved in an intimate relationship.

Cognitive Valence Theory

• Explains how people respond to increases in intimacy.
• Liking, culture, and context impact how people respond to closeness.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy: Emotional closeness and connection.
• Passion: Physical attraction and desire.
• Commitment: Decision to maintain the relationship.

Types of Commitment

• Personal commitment: Wanting to stay because of love.
• Moral commitment: Feeling it’s the right thing to do.
• Structural commitment: Feeling obligated to stay due to external factors.

Types of Love (based on Sternberg)

• Liking (intimacy only)
• Infatuation (passion only)
• Empty love (commitment only)
• Romantic love (intimacy + passion)
• Companionate love (intimacy + commitment)
• Fatuous love (passion + commitment)
• Consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment)

Lee’s Styles of Loving

• Eros: Passionate love.
• Ludus: Playful, game-like love.
• Storge: Friendship-based love.
• Mania: Obsessive love.
• Pragma: Practical love.
• Agape: Selfless, altruistic love.

Explore relational dialectics: autonomy vs. connection, openness vs. privacy, and novelty vs. predictability. Learn skills for forming new relationships through active listening and clear communication. Understand Knapp’s Staircase Model of relationship stages.