Intimacy and Attachment: Chapters 5 & 10

• These study notes cover lectures 6, chapters 5 and 10 which are based on intimacy and attachment

Intimacy

• Intimacy refers to emotional attachment through shared personal knowledge, understanding, concern for welfare, and commitment
• Self-disclosure, communicating intimate information about inner experiences or feelings, builds intimacy in relationships
• Intimate information includes personal thoughts, feelings, ambitions, dreams, doubts, and family/peer problems
• Intimate information is shared back-and-forth within intimate relationships such as those with friends, family, or romantic partners
• Sexual relationship without sharing intimate experiences =/= intimate relationship
• The ability for intimacy deepens alongside cognitive development in adolescence
• Complex problems and high expectations needing advice/reflection from others increases the need for intimacy
• An increased capacity for taking another's point of view leads to deeper empathy and problem solving, increasing capacity for intimacy with others
• The purpose of intimate relationships is to:
• Reflect you back
• Serve as a mirror
• Deepen/expand self-love
• Build identity and self-concept
• Complete inner exploration
• Help answer the question "just who do you think you are?"

Developmental Trajectories and Theorists

• A person's "significant other" changes based on the developmental stage
• Primary caregiver → best friend → romantic partner
• Attachment style developed initially carries through unless there is intervention or disruption
• Three major theorists explore how intimacy develops: Sullivan, Erikson, and Bowlby
• Harry Stack Sullivan (50s) viewed development as meeting 6 social needs through interpersonal relationships
• Children who meet social needs at each stage build interpersonal security to tackle the next stage
• Children failing to meet key social needs feel insecure/anxious, hindering their ability to progress.
• In infancy and early childhood (0-6), social needs (tenderness and companionship) are met by parents with the "interest and participation of another in a child's play” from an adult
• In late childhood and early adolescence (6-12), social needs (acceptance and intimacy) are met by friends; same-gender peers are preferred
• During this time a specific same-gender peer becomes a preferred playmate; reciprocity and self-concept develop by “seeing us through their eyes"
• In adolescence (12-16+), social needs (sexuality and integration into adulthood) come from romantic partners
• A romantic partnership combines elements of chumship with sexual attraction
• Romantic relationships fuse the need for intimacy and sexual gratification
• Erik Erikson (late 60s) viewed development as meeting 8 psychosocial needs by resolving opposing "crises"
• Adolescent's most important developmental task (12-20) is identity vs role confusion
• Success in this task leads to a grounded sense of identity
• Failure here results in confusion about one's self and role
• Intimate relationships in adolescence are also used to develop identity
• "Intimacy vs isolation" (ages 20-40) requires forming intimate relationships with friends/partners: failure leads to loneliness
• The challenge is developing intimate relationships that can take on a life of its own without submerging the individual identities of the partners

Intimacy and Identity

• How can you disclose your inner self to another person if you don't have a clear sense of who you are?
• Intimate experiences provide the mirroring necessary for continued identity development
• The challenge of adolescent intimate relationships often makes them more tumultuous than adult relationships
• Identity is still in flux, meaning capacity for intimacy is still expanding
• A clear sense of identity/self-concept provides inner confidence to take risks in intimate relationships through self-disclosure
• Deeper involvement in intimate relationships provides more external validation ("mirroring") required to firm up self-concept and identity

Longevity of Attachment

• Without intervention, infant attachment style is relatively stable through childhood, adolescence, and adulthood
• IWMs (internal working models) for parent/friend relationships relate to IWMs for romantic relationships
• Securely attached infants had more secure IWMs later on
• Securely attached infants showing insecure attitudes later experienced parental divorce, maternal depression, or child maltreatment
• Self-fulfilling prophecies are when people's expectations lead them to act in ways that make what they expect more likely to happen
• People continue to reinforce the original IWM by seeking/supporting evidence for it and dismissing conflicting evidence

Parenting/Attachment and Peer Relationships

• Meta-analytic research (60 studies) links early parental attachment and adolescent friendships
• Attachment security is linked to:
• Stronger social skills, competence/positive friendships
• Better emotional adjustment, higher self-esteem
• Increased school engagement, all 3 predict peer likability
• Securely attached children/teens (Grades 4-8) were less likely to be bullied or to bully others
• Teens with authoritative parents(warm, sensitive, moderately controlling, encourage autonomy) have stronger social skills, are more liked/accepted/competent with peers, and have better peer and romantic relationships
• Teens with parents showing more connectedness/involvement have better peer interactions
• Conversely, insecure teens or teens without authoritative parents were more likely to:
• Take peer advice over parents
• Turn away from parents
• Become more susceptible to peer influence
• Place too much importance on peer relationships
• Show a lack of authenticity and risky decision making

Friendship

• Friendship is defined by qualities such as affection, approval, sympathy, and understanding
• Friendship definition usually includes someone who likes to spend time with you and do the kinds of things you like to do
• Friendship includes someone who has interesting/stimulating/funny things to say, lends a hand when you need help and sticks up for you, and makes you feel more positive about yourself
• Asking about the definition of friendship is a key component of autism assessment in verbal children and teens (ADOS-2)
• Peers originate from Old French pair, meaning "equal"
• Historically, in Britain, it refers to nobility of equal status and in modern social science, peer refers to individuals of similar:
• Age
• Social status
• Level of functioning
• Peer groups are fluid, defined by context
• Family hierarchy is structured where parents and older siblings have authority
• By contrast, peers offer a more equal social dynamic, promoting:
• Experimentation
• Open-mindedness
• Social learning with less criticism
• Peer influence is universal but varies by culture.
• In traditional societies, adolescents shift away from family but still maintain adult connections.
• Boys tend to form larger, activity-based peer groups
• Girls interact more with mixed-age female groups and spend more time with mothers
• Western teens spend most of their time with peers; ages 10-18 see time with family drop from 35% to 14%
• The majority of waking hours are spent with friends or alone (media, music, etc.)
• Factors influencing this shift:
• Smaller families, fewer siblings
• Dual-earner households, less parental supervision
• Urbanization, increased access to same-age peers

Early Childhood Friendships

• Children as young as 2 have “preferred playmates" that they consistently choose in preference to others
• Preschool children are more affectionate, approving, and sympathetic with friends, play together more cognitively/emotionally than with others
• Young children who form “solid friendships” show more social competence, make friends easier later in childhood, show more turn-taking and rule following behaviours, and social reciprocity through following friends' thoughts and understanding their emotions

Adolescent Friendship

• In childhood, a friend is usually someone who is fun to be with and easy to get together with
• As children approach adolescence, more is needed such as shared values, reciprocity, loyalty, mutual trust and support, warmth, and understanding
• These things take on increasing importance
• Sharing intimate information about inner experiences emerges as a key feature of close friendships in adolescence, enhancing the emphasis and importance placed on mutual trust Self-disclosure increases during adolescence due to advanced cognitive complexity, increased expectations for independence in solving one's own problems, and a need for someone to talk to outside of the family
• Increased perspective taking abilities increases capacity for empathy and is important to them developmentally because of intimacy
• Teens have an increased need to share intimate information than children, who have cognitive abilities such as the theory of mind and increased perspective taking "Best Friend” definition include someone who will give you confidence when you are afraid, someone who helps you to have fun while also getting serious, and someone who understands one's feeling
• Traits of best friends:
• Companionship is someone to be with and have fun with
• Intimacy is someone with whom to share personal thoughts and feelings
• Trust is someone who keeps promises and doesn't divulge your secrets
• Loyalty is someone who stands up for you
• Warmth is someone with whom you share emotional closeness
• Assistance is someone who lends a hand when needed
• Acceptance is someone who likes you the way you are
• Support is someone who affirms your competence and worth
• Guidance is someone who gives advice with your best interest in mind

Age Segregation

• Children and adolescents naturally mix with different ages; modern society enforces strict age divisions through schools and extracurriculars
• This reduces cross-age friendships

Opposite Sex Friendships

• Rare amongst pre-adolescents and early adolescents due to gender segregation
• Lessens with age
• Girls are generally more mature (physically, socially, and emotionally) than boys, making equal relationships problematic early on
• Girls are more relation oriented while boys are more activity oriented
• This could increase the likelihood of sexually tinged teasing from peers In some cultures, there might be strong opposition to other-gender friendships
• Cross-gender friendships become more common by middle adolescence, and is the norm by late adolescence
• In middle childhood, having a cross-gender friend is linked to adjustment problems; not true for adolescents
• Confers unique benefits for boys with the boys reporting that their female friends make them feel good about themselves more often than their male friends
• Boys see their friendship with their best female friend as more rewarding than their friendship with their best male friend
• Potential risk is that other-gender friendships can be linked to higher substance use (alcohol, smoking) in girls, or reduce alcohol consumption in boys, and increase the boys' positive self-image

Friendship Quality

• Low-Quality peer relationships include conflict, hostility, rivalry, belittlement, betrayal (negative features outweigh positive features)
• High-Quality friendships may result in:
• Higher self-esteem
• Greater school involvement
• Stronger leadership
• Greater acceptance and adjustment
• Stronger preparation to form other positive relations
• Less victimization via bullying AND fewer emotional problems after being victimized
• Lower anxiety

High-Quality Friendship Risks

• Co-rumination, extensively discussing and re-discussing negative situations or feelings
• Linked to less anxiety; also linked to co-rumination = more anxiety
• Magnifying the influence of a peer such as in substance use
• Low-Quality friendships can pose some risks such as behavior problems, disruptive behaviour in school, and poor school performance
• Friends who frequently fight may reinforce negative behaviour patterns, which carry over into other interactions which leads to negative social reactions
• Adolescents then withdraw from others and rely more on the problematic friendship
• Aggressive friendships can increase aggressive behaviour
• Aggression is when friends with an aggressive peer can cause teens to become more aggressive themselves but not if it was a high-quality friendship
• Self-esteem is a major predictor of whether or not the friendships a teen develops will be high or low quality
• High self esteem teens describe their friendships as positive, intimate, and mutually satisfying
• Low self esteem teens dwell on disappointing experiences with friends instead of attributing them to the normal ups and downs of a friendship and expecting the conflicts and betrayals to continue
• Social anxiety also predicts friendship quality:
• Socially anxious teens may lack intimate sharing with best friends, are more likely to be superficial, and worry about being spurned
• Negative emotionality also predicts friendship quality:
• Teens who are easily angered, irritated, or made anxious tend to be negative when interacting with friends which impairs those relationships

Romantic Relationships and Dating

• Dating helps adolescents meet needs, including:
• Recreation
• Socialization
• Companionship
• Sexual experimentation
• Intimacy
• Courtship
• In Gr10 boys, the most important motive for dating "hoping to get to know their partner better”
• While needs met by dating overlap those met by friendship, as teens proceed into late adolescence and adulthood, needs mature (e.g., companionship and intimacy grow in importance over recreation and status)
• Rates of dating have sharply declined with teens who are not dating at all nearly 50% (2019) and rates of actively dating have become low
• Historically, dating followed structured customs where boys initiated, girls decided, parents being involved and boys paying for expenses
• Dating now remains central to adolescent social relationships
• Early dating occurs in social groups with transitional progression to mixed-gender socializing and one-on-one relationships
• Gradual interaction with potential partners allows adolescents control over their level of engagement
• Romantic relationships have three behavioral systems:

1. Attachment - Seeking emotional closeness, security, and distress when apart
2. Romantic passion - Intense attraction, obsession, mood swings, and excitement
3. Sexual desire - Driven by puberty, hormones, and attraction

• The systems emerge at different stages with attachment beginning in infancy and evolving, passion appearing in late childhood and growing, and sexual desire showing at puberty
• High-quality relationships are typified by passion, mutual communication, emotional support, commitment, and feeling appreciated/special
• Low-quality relationships include conflict, bad feelings, and doubts about commitment and have long-term emotional consequences
• Four phases in the development of romantic relationships in adolescence:

1. initial infatuation: passion and physical attraction, but usually lacking intimacy or real interactions
2. affiliative relationship: companionship and status needs added to passion and physical attraction
3. intimate relationship: emotional closeness, sharing, and mutual support, and social status is de-emphasized
4. committed relationship: passion, affiliation, intimacy, and commitment where partners make a conscious decision to maintain the relationship over the long term

Moving From Family To Peers

• Teens transition from spending most of their time with family to most of their time with other teens
• Since teens are not as dependent on family, teens are now able to live at home and access each other the most through schools, and the internet
• In traditional cultures, teen boys spend most of their time with other teen boys but teen girls spend time with women and girls of all ages
• Time spent with female peers increases as access education and other women's rights increases which ends up reflecting on adolescence as a privilege
• Older generations tend to criticize adolescents for new styles, behaviors, and ideas, as well as rejecting adult norms in favor of peer-driven trends
• The 20th-century baby boom increased adolescent visibility and concern about a generational divide.
• Sociologist James Coleman described a youth culture where popularity and athletics mattered more than academics.
• Postfigurative Cultures are where social change is slow and youth rely on older generations for knowledge
• Cofigurative Cultures are where social change is fairly rapid where both younger and older generations attain knowledge and skills
• Prefigurative Cultures arewhere social change is rapid where younger generations attain knowledge that older generations needs to succeed.

Western and Traditional Cultures

• In Western Europe, teens socialize in informal mixed-gender groups rather than structured one-on-one dates
• There is a general decreased amount of pressure on exclusivity and gender-based dating roles.
• Traditional societies have strictly regulated courtship and romantic love is a still debated concept.
• In immigrant families in Western societies, conflicts can arise with parents resisting and being fearful of dating while Peers engage
• Restrictive Cultures can lead to sexual expression forbidden or marriage and severe punishments for transgressions.
• Permissive Cultures include a encouragement of early sexual activity while Semi restrictive cultures enforce the rules when activity becomes public.

Solitary and Partnered Sex

• Masturbation is more common in boys, historically, but is still stigmatized
• Sexual Progression can cause a typical pattern to Kissing to Intercourse while girls reporting later than boys due to gender norms
• Self-Reporting can cause teens alter responses based on societal challenges which can can be improved with the anonymous methods
• Transition from adolescence that can lead to engaging in intercourse age 19.
• Sexual activity is typically found in the more sexually experience individuals but may show infrequent activity.
• Development of Sexual Orientation can result in:
• Genetical factors with the Twins suggesting shared Gender.
• Prenatal Factors exposure androgons.
• Early childhood showing minority orientation

Challenges for Sexual Minority Teens

• Social and emotional Support that often bully or harass and can be fixed with support
• Adolescent are very likely to get Sexually Transmitted infections.
• Various pregnancy risk
• Conformity, following the rules to see a general action in public.
• A research assistant would tell all of the test subjects that they are shorter making the individual confused about their real height.
• The next point of interest would be to follow the most people to feel important.

Social Conformity

• Thomas Berndt made the discovery that in Highschool people conform the most and decrease in age
• Antisocial is at the peak and the parents start to come down with conformity
• You rely on friends in a bad situation to increase self-esteem and decrease social anxiety
• Teens with low intelligence are more likely to do what others do
• Normative Social influence is liking or acting like others
• Informational social information relies on facts to be themselves

Influence

• We have a strong desire to belong
• A survival pattern that is to not fight in groups
• Identity formation, what we think of our identity being the same as the group
• Social identity and the thoughts others have on the group
• Reference group is who you refer to for help

Adolescent Reference and Assessment

• The normal reference is not something a teen would use
• Normative is the right actions people take to make and individual a reference group
• In a athletic reference group the top tennis star would be the best individual.
• Other groups would be friends and family, who are the support
• There's no way to know ones sociatmic because there's no way to measure social interaction
• But there is for relationships
• Being popular has pros and cons
• They did show a celebrity paradox with the same individuals
• Development has some issues from kindergarten where thoughts and perceptions stay for kindergarten.
• Adolescence realizes this and see things differently from others.
• Middle school shows a wide perspective for different understanding

Social Problems and Procedures

• In these situations adolescence interpret cues, setting a goal to follow along and deciding what needs to be done with this information
• Then it will come back and do it again
• The process is called Nomination studies that measures the tallness of and individual based on likeness and dislikes
• You can determine someones preference with a complex amount
• Impact is not measureable with people being unable to complete test
• With that you will still get 5 people who can complete it but they will have categories that make the test inaccurate
• Liked vs popular will show different social classes of individuals
• Socially the most preferred individual had many traits compared to an individual they are not
• To come out on top of this the most preferred individual was labeled as the cheerleaders
• A person that is likeable might be an individual who has done well
• Girls on the other hand or models while boys are generally out to bully the individual

Rejection, Sensitivities and Hostile Attribution

• When they are rejected they tend to stay rejected
• Have low social cues and are more likely to have poor communication
• This creates doubt as time progresses
• The tendency to alert the most individuals through others to be hurt
• Hostile is showing alertness

Breakups: Emotional Distress

• Causes feeling of anger and despair
• More often in girls over boys
• Amplifies bad actions and the loss of shared moments
• Loss of affection and peer validation
• High levels of focus more more to have a high amount of depression
• High levels of focus more more to have a high amount of depression

Bullying

• Bullying is being the constant target for someone
• Usually forced because of area
• Many are bullied because 10 percent are bullied with great value
• One is a bully because they have a tendency to have poor behaviour on their own
• It's not about the victim but the person who bullies
• People with high tendencies to be verbal attacks are weak when someone shows interest
• Kids with physical disabilities have a high tendency to get bullied
• Rejection will most likely mean more verbal attacks over time
• 38 is not the cause it is the amount of years it needs to occur

Bully and Victim Characteristics

• The kids are going to be the individual that is withdrawn
• Often the bully will tend to find and carry weapons so they don't get hurt
• More likely to carry a weapon
• Tend to avoid violence

Group of Peers

• As well as have them take sides
• Spend more time with peers over children who often segregate
• The social interaction causes inner struggles
• They start to be mean depending on what is occurring
• It's important because this doesn't happen in adulthood

Cliques

• Generally stay with individuals they commonly know
• All clique members put emphasis of staying together
• Can have high pressure which causes low self esteem
• Canadian cliques that have certain rules that one individual must follow
• There can a an E.g who is trying

Groups and Individuals

• The different structure of each type of group
• Generally follow double headed orders to ensure each is protected
• Group 1 there will most likely have one person come or leave at anytime
• Clique makes for the better for those reasons
• Those who were isolated often tested to show a great amount of depression
• Social status comes with their reputation

Crowd and Social Structures

• Provides a good identity and shows potential
• It's very abstract because they are known to just meet
• It has been linked to esteem and delusion
• You can determine where a kid comes from Here are the different types
• Jocks
• Trendis
• Geeks
• Normaly
• Druggy

Emotions and Social Structure

• Many just stay quiet
• The cognitive is always evolving
• Can range to 2 different aspects to have 3 where individuals can mix
• The two groups end up staying the same