10 Questions
What is the main theme of the narrator's experience of being adopted?
The existential crisis of identity and self
What is the significance of the grandmother's statement in the narrator's life?
It is a turning point in the narrator's understanding of their adoption
Why does the narrator think that stories of adoptee experience are rarely told in the mainstream?
Because they do not fit the typical narrative of misery memoirs
What is the effect of the grandmother's words on the narrator's perception of reality?
They make the narrator feel uncertain and unanchored
What is the significance of the narrator's repression of this memory for decades?
It suggests that the narrator was trying to avoid confronting the existential questions raised by their adoption
What does the concept of adoption imply about the individual's identity?
It is negotiable and can be altered
Why do stories about adoptive parents returning their kids to the system evoke a sense of 'abysmal horror' in adoptees?
Because it highlights the lack of givenness in adoption
What does the author suggest is 'scarily circumstantial'?
Normal family life
What is implied by the concept of 'alienability' in the adoption triangle?
Everything can be negotiated and changed
What is the author's attitude towards custody battles and tough love in bio families?
They are acknowledged, but not dwelled upon
Study Notes
Childhood Memories of Adoption
- The narrator recalls a childhood memory of sitting at a low table, coloring, and being told by her grandmother that she is adopted and has a "real mummy and daddy" somewhere else.
- The narrator represses this memory for decades, wanting to be happy and avoid the uncomfortable truth.
The Unsettling Nature of Adoption
- Adoption raises existential questions about identity and the self, forcing children to ask "Who am I?" and "What does it mean to be me?" at a young age.
- The narrator suggests that this is not typically addressed in mainstream stories about adoptee experiences, as it's not a classic "misery memoir" territory.
- The adoption experience is characterized by a shifty, shifting interplay of alternative narratives, making it difficult for adoptees to establish a sense of identity.
Inalienability and Identity
- The narrator searches for a sense of inalienability, or something that cannot be taken away, but acknowledges that adoption is predicated upon alienability.
- Within the adoption triangle, everything, including name, home, and belonging, can be negotiated away.
- This means that even the individual's identity is not intrinsic, but rather something that can be negotiated or taken away.
The Circumstantial Nature of Family Life
- The narrator notes that even in "normal" family life, where kids grow up in birth families, connections are circumstantial and can be disrupted by various factors, such as divorce, death, or abandonment.
- This highlights the fragility of family relationships and the lack of inalienability in all forms of family life.
A childhood memory of a girl colouring and a conversation with her grandmother about her parents. Explore the themes of identity, family, and childhood.
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