Childhood Memory and Identity

What is the main theme of the narrator's experience of being adopted?

What is the significance of the grandmother's statement in the narrator's life?

Why does the narrator think that stories of adoptee experience are rarely told in the mainstream?

What is the effect of the grandmother's words on the narrator's perception of reality?

What is the significance of the narrator's repression of this memory for decades?

What does the concept of adoption imply about the individual's identity?

Why do stories about adoptive parents returning their kids to the system evoke a sense of 'abysmal horror' in adoptees?

What does the author suggest is 'scarily circumstantial'?

What is implied by the concept of 'alienability' in the adoption triangle?

What is the author's attitude towards custody battles and tough love in bio families?

Childhood Memories of Adoption

The narrator recalls a childhood memory of sitting at a low table, coloring, and being told by her grandmother that she is adopted and has a "real mummy and daddy" somewhere else.
The narrator represses this memory for decades, wanting to be happy and avoid the uncomfortable truth.

The Unsettling Nature of Adoption

Adoption raises existential questions about identity and the self, forcing children to ask "Who am I?" and "What does it mean to be me?" at a young age.
The narrator suggests that this is not typically addressed in mainstream stories about adoptee experiences, as it's not a classic "misery memoir" territory.
The adoption experience is characterized by a shifty, shifting interplay of alternative narratives, making it difficult for adoptees to establish a sense of identity.

Inalienability and Identity

The narrator searches for a sense of inalienability, or something that cannot be taken away, but acknowledges that adoption is predicated upon alienability.
Within the adoption triangle, everything, including name, home, and belonging, can be negotiated away.
This means that even the individual's identity is not intrinsic, but rather something that can be negotiated or taken away.

The Circumstantial Nature of Family Life

The narrator notes that even in "normal" family life, where kids grow up in birth families, connections are circumstantial and can be disrupted by various factors, such as divorce, death, or abandonment.
This highlights the fragility of family relationships and the lack of inalienability in all forms of family life.

A childhood memory of a girl colouring and a conversation with her grandmother about her parents. Explore the themes of identity, family, and childhood.