bp 91-30.pdf

Section Five Counseling Helps 89 The First Counseling Session The event Genesis 3:6-13 (KJV) And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her hus...

Section Five Counseling Helps 89 The First Counseling Session The event Genesis 3:6-13 (KJV) And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. The result And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. The Session (First, the husband) God seeks his children And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: Because of their sin, they are hiding. and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. God calls out to them The 1st question: Where art thou? And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? The man replies and explains his condition And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. 2nd question: Who told you that? And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? 3rd question – Confrontation: The heart of the matter – Disobedience Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? Man’s response – Blame someone else. And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. 90 2nd – The Wife The question – What have you done. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? Eve’s response – I was tricked And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. The consequence of sin (To Eve) The consequence of sin (To Adam) The Provision Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Genesis 3:17-19 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. Genesis 3:21-24 Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them. And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubim, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life. 91 Analysis: It is important to remind the counselee that God is a perfect and loving God. He is not petty, or spiteful, or ruled by negative thoughts. He is pure light and Love. Everything that He does is a reflection of His Love. Counselees need to be reminded that, “..perfect love casts out fear.” There is a difference between the fear of God and being afraid of him. The fear of God is an acknowledgement of who He is while being afraid of God is a sign that our love is far from perfect, when our doubts, fears, and apprehensions of God, are many. Adam was afraid of God because of his sin. But he did not admit his sin outright, rather he admitted to the symptom. Understand this: The issue is rarely the issue. What the client tells you is the problem is rarely the problem. It is normally only the symptom, or the visible manifestation of the problem (the root cause). Adam said what he was feeling (afraid). He stated his condition (naked) but omitted the part about disobeying God and eating the forbidden fruit. Look at the questions God asks Adam. These three questions are great starting points for any counseling session: x Where are you? – It is important to know “where” a counselee is in the life, their walk with God, and in the midst of their problem. x Who told you that? – Much of the information people have comes from a source other than the Bible. And since their information is wrong, their attitudes, values, beliefs, and behaviors are wrong. Help a counselee identify their source of wrong knowledge is a vital part of the counseling process. Col. 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. x Now God identifies the specific area of disobedience. It is important that a counselee understands the cause and effect relationship between obedience and blessings and disobedience and non-blessings x Notice Adam’s response to God’s direct question – He doesn’t directly lie to God, he simply drops any reference to personal responsibility. He indirectly blames someone else. Modern psychology labels this as a Defense Mechanism. However, it is really nothing more than a fallen nature manifesting itself. The most common reaction to truth is Denial. Denial takes many forms, but it is still an absence of the full truth. God however, acknowledges what Adam says, because He said, “Because thou hast hearkened to the voice of your wife…”. x Notice Eve’s response – She, also, did not lie about what had took place. But there was no admission of the wrongdoing. She only admitted to the behavior. x Remind the counselee that even though there was a consequence attached to their sin, there was also a provision made for them which reflected God’s love. 92 The Second Counseling Session The Event Genesis 4:2-5 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground. And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the Lord. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. The Result [5b] And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. The Session God seeks His children The question – Why are you angry and depressed The problem – Anger and depression resulting from a feeling of rejection The solution – Do well and you’ll be accepted The result of neglected Counsel Genesis 4:6-7 And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him. Genesis 4:8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. Analysis: 1st Session It is important to note that Cain believes in God. Cain worships God. Cain brings his offering to God. However, Cain chooses to bring what he thinks is an acceptable offering and therefore chooses to disobey God. Cain becomes angry and depressed over his rejection. It is important to understand this emotional response correctly. Anger is a feeling one has when he does not get what he wants or expects. Depression is a feeling of powerlessness. So Cain was angry over his rejection. And felt powerless to do anything about it. But, notice, God gives the cure, the solution for anger and depression…If thou doest well… Cain’s rejection was the result of his own disobedience to God. Yet, once again, instead of acknowledging personal sin, someone else is blamed. Cain has become too self centered to listen to God. Instead of asking, “How can I make my ways pleasing to God, like Abel?” Cain says, “If I get rid of Abel, God will have to like me.” So, he kills his brother. 93 Cain’s 2nd Session Genesis 4:9-15 (KJV) The Event God seeks His children The question – Where is Abel? Cain’s response – A lie 2nd question God’s confrontation – The heart of the matter The consequence of sin The Response from a sinner God’s Provision And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the ground. And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand; When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth. And Cain said unto the Lord, My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the earth; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me. 15] And the Lord said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And the Lord set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him. Analysis – 2nd Session: First of all, we note the progressive nature of sin. Although Adam and Eve did not acknowledge their sin directly, they told the truth about what has happened. However, Cain is bold enough (depraved enough?) to lie to God. God asked Where his brother was, and Cain replied, “I don’t know.” The Lie. Then God confronts Cain directly by revealing that He knows what has happened. “What have you done? Your brother’s blood cries to me from the ground. This is a good way of introducing a topic. Many times somebody will be referred to you and you will have some advance information about the purpose of the referral. However, when the counselee arrives, he may be reluctant to tell “the whole truth” to you. By asking a question in such a manner as this, you save time and open the door for honest dialogue. God then pronounces the consequences of his sin. As a Christian counselor, you must be able to help the counselee be aware that there are consequences for sinful behavior. Many times, because of the self centered focus and the accompanying denial of reality people fail to see or even consider possible consequences, therefore you must be able to point them out. Cain does not like this pronouncement and all though of what he did to his brother is gone. Instead, once again he focuses on himself and says the consequences are greater than he can bear. Notice, he does not say they are unfair or underserved. Instead, he says they are greater than he can bear. You will often hear this from somebody caught in sin when they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. They act genuinely surprised when a spouse leaves them or they lose a job, etc. However, a perfect, loving God, always makes provisions for his children. The client must be reminded that there is a difference between chastisement and judgment. 94 BIBLICAL CHANGE God’s word tells us that we must change and that we can change. As Christians we believe that essential Biblical principles can change our life. 2 Chron. 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. Psalm 125:5 As for such as turn aside unto their crooked ways, the Lord shall lead them forth with the workers of iniquity: but peace shall be upon Israel. To overcome problems and to reach spiritual maturity, we must be willing to confront our failures and make the needed changes described in the Bible. Psalm 119:59 I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies. Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 2 Cor. 13:5 Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates? By examining ourselves and turning to God, , we become mature in the Lord Jesus Christ and will be able to help others in an effective and Biblical manner 2 Cor. 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Tim. 2:2 And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. 95 God has promised you help in times of difficulty. 1 Cor. 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. peirasmos, (Greek 3986, Strong’s; from Greek 3985 (peirazo); a putting to proof (by experiment [of good], experience [of evil], solicitation, discipline or provocation); by implication adversity :- temptation, × try. God has promised that he will give you the power to overcome and triumph in this world. Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth. 2 Cor. 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 1 Thes. 1:5 For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake. 2 Tim. 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Note: After the Apostles received the Holy Ghost, they became emboldened and powerful. They x x x x x x x x x x x x Spoke the Word of God with boldness (Acts 4:33) Witnessed with great power (Acts 4:33) Witnessed with great grace (acts 4:33) Spoke in public (Acts 4:19) Worshipped in public (Acts 2:42-47) Rejoiced to suffer for His name (Acts 5:41) Suffered persecution (Acts 8:1-4) Gloried in Tribulations (Romans 5:3) Sang in prison (Acts 16:25) Prayed for their executioners (Acts 7:54-60) Filled Jerusalem with the Gospel (Acts 5:28) Turned the world upside down (Acts 2:41; 17:6) 96 (From The Open Bible (page 1109) this commentary is given) “The Holy Spirit indwells every believer. You may be immature, weak and imperfect, but if you have been “born again” of the Spirit, He dwells in you. It is one thing for you to have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you but does the Holy Spirit have you that He may fill you with the abundant life? The abundant life is not found in the environment or circumstances, or in the things you may possess. It is found in the infilling of the Holy Spirit. “Be filled with the Spirit (in Eph 5:18) is a command. You may be filled many, many times. The Apostles that were filled in Acts 2, were filled again in Acts 4. To be filled with the Holy Spirit is to be Spirit-possessed, Spirit-empowered, Spirit-led, and Spirit-controlled. x x x x x x You are filled with the Spirit that you might have joy (Eph 5:19-20) You are filled with the Spirit for service (Acts 6:3; 11:22-24). You are filled with the Spirit for power to be a witness (Acts 1:18). You are filled with the Spirit for the hour of persecution (Acts 7:54-60). You are filled with the Spirit that you may walk in the Spirit (Gal 5:16-26). You are filled with the Spirit so that you may be led by the Spirit (Romans 8:14). God’s way of solving a problem is different from man’s way of solving problems. Proverbs 16:25 There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Proverbs 30:12 There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness. We are warned about counsel and methods that are not Biblical. Col. 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. Psalm 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. Isaiah 30:1 Woe to the rebellious children, saith the Lord, that take counsel, but not of me; and that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin: 1 Cor. 3:18-20 Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain. 97 God's way provides for your new birth and being changed by 1. Denying your old nature ( Rom. 6:6; Eph. 4:22; Col. 3:9), 2. Accepting your new nature ( Rom. 6:7-8; Eph.4:24; Col. 3:10), and 3. Renewing your spirit and your mind, as a continual process of becoming like Christ ( Rom. 12:2; Eph. 4:23; Col. 3:10). Manmade solutions of problems of the mind, heart and spirit are unacceptable to God. You must be rooted, grounded and established in the Lord Jesus Christ and are not to conform to this world. Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Col. 2:6-10 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: You need to obey the Word of God in order to become mature Matthew 7:24-27 Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. Hebrews 5:12-14 For when for the time ye ought to be teachers, ye have need that one teach you again which be the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of strong meat. For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. James 1:22-25 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, 98 and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed. 1 John 2:5 But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him. Obeying God's Word begins with a critical attitude toward yourself and removal of sinful barriers from your life. Matthew 7:1-5 Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. 1 Cor. 11:28-31 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. For this cause many are weak and sickly among you, and many sleep. For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. Summary: All of man’s problems are the result of the fall, man’s inherent sinful nature, and the violation of God’s Word. Jesus is the answer to all of man’s problems. Matthew 22:29 Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God. Col. 1:20-23 And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled: In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins. Matthew 1:21 99 Two Biblical Models for Development Mental Instructions – Steps in the Change Process Ephes. 5:14-21 Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. [ 15] See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Behavioral Instructions – Areas in the Change Process 2 Peter 1:5-9 (KJV) And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. How change Occurs 1. Change occurs when a counselee desires to change, but unless there is a change of heart, the change will not be permanent. 2. 21 days is the number of days it takes for change to occur 3. Spiritual change must first occur before a physical change can occur permanently 100 How Change Occurs When a person sincerely desires to change, and offers and yields to the Holy Spirit: 1. Changes come from the regeneration of power of the Holy Spirit 2. The word of God produces change 3. Examples of Godly lives produces changes 4. Principle of Prayer x Asking x Believing x Receiving Changes occur when the counselee decides to change. But unless change results from guidance from the Holy Spirit, only one’s behavior is changed – not their life. Most counselors seek only to change behaviors. They need to help the counselee change their attitude and change their life. Ways of implanting change in a counselee 1. People cannot change themselves…they need the Holy Spirit (Rom. 8:13) 2. People must be able to accept that there are Spiritual principles involved 3. Keep in mind that the Bible talks about renewing the mind (Romans 12:1) 4. Keep in mind that the Bible talks about bringing the body under subjection (1 Cor. 9:27) 5. True repentance requires knowledge, understanding, and an acceptance of what the scriptures teach In order to implement change, the counselee must realize it is a spiritual battle. Make sure the following guidelines have been established: 1. Are the issues clearly defined? 2. Has a Biblical goal for the purpose of counseling been established? 3. Does the counselee believe God can help him? 4. Has the counselee accepted responsibility? 5. Has prayer, repentance, and confession been offered? 6. Are the solutions you are recommending Biblical? Note: Change is accomplished through the willingness to submit to God and allow God to work in you. One does not make lasting changes through self-effort. (See Romans 8:13) Too many people think that they need to get “cleaned up” or “straightened out” before they turn their life over to God. However, if they were able to do that, they would not need God. Romans 8:12-14 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 101 Understanding the Change Process Aim & Purpose Knowledge & Motivation & Skill Vision & Direction Knowledge/ Motivation/ Skill Buy-In Aim & Purpose Motivation/ Buy-In Vision & Direction Aim & Purpose Vision & Direction Aim & Purpose Vision & Direction Aim & Purpose Vision & Direction Aim & Purpose Vision & Direction Buy-In Knowledge/ Resources Blueprint Resources Action Plan/ Blueprint Resources Action Plan/ Blueprint Resources Skill Action Plan/ Action Plan/ Blueprint Knowledge/ Motivation/ Skill Buy-In Knowledge/ Motivation/ Skill Buy-In Knowledge/ Motivation/ Skill Buy-In Action Plan/ Blueprint Resources Resources Action Plan/ Blueprint Feedback & Quality/Change Assessment Positive Env. Feedback & Assessment Confusion & Conflict Feedback & Fear of Failure Assessment Anxiety Feedback & Passivity & Compliant Assessment Feedback & Assessment Frustration & Overload Feedback & Fragmentation & Assessment Resentment Illusion of Change Uncertainty 102 Anger What is Anger? Anger is a strong emotion expressing displeasure when a need or expectation is not met. Anger is often characterized by a series of reactions. The reactions include (one or all) emotional, verbal, and physical reactions. However, anger by itself is neither good nor bad. It is an emotion. Your motivation and how you choose to react when angry is what determines the appropriateness or inappropriateness of your anger. Why do people get angry? Many say that anger is a God-given emotion that like all components of man, it was corrupted in the fall. However, how many times did Adam and Eve argue in the Garden before the fall? The Bible seems to acknowledge anger more than condoning it. (This will be discussed later). There is an anger which comes when one sees the principles of God violated or when the weak are oppressed (genuine emotion), and there is an unrighteous anger which is self-serving and manipulative (light-switch emotions). It is necessary to identify anger and deal with it. There are appropriate and inappropriate reasons to be angry. There are also appropriate and inappropriate responses to anger. And since all "feelings" are the result of how one perceives an event (thinks), it is necessary to fully evaluate the reality and the legitimacy of our perceptions. Appropriate - Proverbs 17:27-28 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding. Inappropriate - Proverbs 29:22 aboundeth in transgression. An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man 103 Degrees of Anger The different degrees of anger are reflected in the words used for anger. The degree of anger varies from “irritated” to “infuriated”. The response to anger varies from “withdrawal” to “explosive” Malice Murder Hatred Suicide Bitterness Rage Resentment Beat Up —— 100 —— —— 90 —— —— 80 —— —— 70 —— —— 60 —— —— 50 —— Unforgiving Damage Repulsed —— 40 —— —— 30 —— —— 20 —— —— 10 —— Ostracize Infuriated Disgusted —— 0 —— —— -10 —— —— -20 —— —— -30 —— —— -40—— —— -50 —— —— -60 —— —— -70 —— Incite Provoke Silence Jealous Envious Humiliate Gossip Slander Criticize Sarcasm Ridicule Exasperated Frustrated Irritated Annoyed Passive Anger Active Anger 104 Synonyms for Anger abhor agitated anger annoyed bitter burned cranky criticize cross disdain disgusted enraged exasperated fed up furious grieved grouchy hurt inflamed infuriated irritated loathe mad mean miffed moody offended repulsed resentful resentful ridicule sarcastic scorn sick & tired sore spiteful troubled uptight vexed vicious Understanding Anger from a Biblical Perspective Is Anger always a Sin? The Bible teaches that there is an anger based in righteousness and an anger based in unrighteousness (sin). Again, I believe that this acknowledges the emotion, but does not actually condone it. Righteous anger is not quick, reactive, or self-serving. It is the lawful administration of judgment or consequence. Unrighteous anger is self-serving and punitive. Matthew 5:22 But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: This verse teaches that there may be a reason (a cause) to be angry, but do not sin. Ephes. 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Col. 2:6-7 As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving. 1 Tim. 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. Ephes. 3:17-19 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. 105 Guidelines for Anger Ephes. 4:26-32 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. x Anger can be appropriate v. 26 x You can control yourself when angry v. 26 x Anger should have a duration v. 26 x Anger can give opportunity to the Devil v. 27 x Anger should be put away v. 31 x Bitterness, wrath, anger, etc. all related. v. 31 x Anger is a choice v. 32 x Anger can be conquered through forgiveness v. 32 Why do people get angry and respond un-Biblically? 1. All Anger is a choice. 2. Anger reveals the true nature of a person (Luke 6:45) 3. Unrighteous anger is an emotion of selfishness and self-centeredness 4. Unrighteous anger focuses on the faults of others and ignores the faults of self 5. Unrighteous anger focuses on the damage to self 6. Unrighteous anger wants to control and coerce 7. Unrighteous anger is influenced by many aspects of our life 8. Unrighteous anger is a (lazy) shortcut to a (false) solution 9. Unrighteous anger is reactive instead of planned and thoughtful 10. Unrighteous anger is the influence of our sinful nature 106 Unrighteous Anger Causes 1. Pride. Proverbs 21:24 2. Cruelty. Genesis 49:7; Proverbs 27:3-4 3. Clamour and evil-speaking. Ephes. 4:31 4. Malice and blasphemy. Col. 3:8 5. Strife and contention. Proverbs 21:19; Proverbs 29:22; 6. Jealousy 1 Sam. 18: 7. Frustration Examples Cain. Genesis 4:5-6 Esau. Genesis 27:45 Simeon and Levi. Genesis 49:5-7 Moses. Numbers 20:10-11 Saul. 1 Samuel 20:30 Ahab. 1 Kings 21:4 Naaman. 2 Kings 5:11 Uzziah. 2 Chron. 26:19 Haman. Esther 3:5 Nebuchadnezzar. Daniel 3:13 Jonah. Jonah 4:4 Herod. Matthew 2:16 Jews. Luke 4:28 High Priest. Acts 5:17; Acts 7:54 Paul Acts 23:3 Paul and Barnabus Acts 15:39 Questions To Identify Cause of Anger 1. What are my thoughts about this situation? 2. Why am I choosing to be angry? 3. Am I responding or reacting? 4. Is there an injustice that warrants action? 5. Am I reacting out of Pride or unmet expectation? 6. How does the other person view this situation? 7. What part do I have in contributing to this situation? 8. What am I really angry about? 9. Am I angry because of the situation or because of my current mood? 10. Am I dealing with the issue or with the self? 107 Injunctions against un-righteous anger Psalm 37:8 do evil. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to Eccles. 7:9 of fools. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom Job 5:2 For wrath killeth the foolish man, and envy slayeth the silly one. Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 19:19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again. Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 22:24-25 Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. Proverbs 27:3-4 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool's wrath is heavier than them both. Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? Col. 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. 108 ]Biblical Examples (Righteous Anger) Examples and Causes Moses - Injustice Exodus 11:8 And all these thy servants shall come down unto me, and bow down themselves unto me, saying, Get thee out, and all the people that follow thee: and after that I will go out. And he went out from Pharaoh in a great anger. Jacob – False Accusation Genesis 31:36 And Jacob was wroth, and chode with Laban: and Jacob answered and said to Laban, What is my trespass? what is my sin, that thou hast so hotly pursued after me? Jonathan – Wrong Treatment of Another 1 Samuel 20:33-34 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David. So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger, and did eat no meat the second day of the month: for he was grieved for David, because his father had done him shame. Nehemiah – Wrong Treatment of Another Neh. 5:6-7 And I was very angry when I heard their cry and these words. Then I consulted with myself, and I rebuked the nobles, and the rulers, and said unto them, Ye exact usury, every one of his brother. And I set a great assembly against them. Jesus – Religious Hypocrites Mark 3:5 And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other. Jesus – Preventing Worship Mark 10:13-14 And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Proverbs 16:32 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. Proverbs 19:11 109 Common Responses to Anger 1. Withdrawal – Leaving a room, maintaining silence, physical exercise or distraction, alcohol, drugs, or other behavior to “make one feel better”. This is the easiest and least effective way to deal with anger. 2. Redirect Anger Inward – Suppress or repress anger resulting in physical manifestations (ulcers, high blood pressure, etc.); negative and self-defeating thoughts; physical harm to self. When anger is turned inward, the person may present a calm, smiling exterior. This person is the proverbial “powder keg”. 3. Explosive Behavior – Anger is not the same as aggression, but uncontrolled anger frequently leads to aggression. Three types: x Direct aggression x Passive Aggression x Redirected Aggression 4. Deal with Source of Anger Biblically – Consider the source, your reaction, your motivation before acting. Remember, God asked Jonah, “Doest thou well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4) Counseling Emphasize: 1. Anger can be positive or negative - it is your motivation and your response that decides. 2. Anger can reveal your true nature. 3. Anger can reveal past hurts that are still within you. 4. Anger can reveal your inappropriate ways of meeting your needs. 5. Anger can demonstrate your standing with God. 6. Anger can help you realize areas of your life that need changing. 7. Anger appropriately displayed is used by God to convict others. 8. Anger handled correctly is a powerful witness and testimony. 110 Dealing With Anger in Self 1. Realize that anger is a choice you make - No one makes you angry 2. Pause before speaking 3. Decide what the real issue is before responding 4. Evaluate Your Feelings 5. Determine what is the motivation for your anger 6. Determine if there is a need for anger 7. Address the real issue\object of your anger 8. Acquire information before reacting 9. Be conscious of the presence of God as you respond to an issue 10. Talk to God abut your feelings Dealing With Anger in Others 1. Remain calm - Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. 2. Control Your Response - Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. 3. Avoid sarcasm - Proverbs 29:8 Scornful men bring a city into a snare: but wise men turn away wrath. 4. Choose the right time to respond - Eccles. 3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 5. Be constructive when speaking - Col. 4:6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. 6. Be patient and understanding - Proverbs 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone. 7. Be willing to forgive the offender - Ephes. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. 8. Pay attention to what you say - Psalm 39:1 I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with a bridle, while the wicked is before me. 111 MAN’S WORTH (ADAM AND EVE) Genesis 1:26-28 (KJV) And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Man was made by God. He did not evolve from slime and lower forms of life. Man was made in the image of God. Man was to have dominion over his environment. God made them male and female God Blessed them God commanded them to be fruitful and multiply Even when man erred, God made provision for them. God Loves His Creation (Despite their sin) Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Job 7:17 (KJV) What is man, that thou shouldest magnify him? and that thou shouldest set thine heart upon him? Job 15:14 (KJV) What is man, that he should be clean? and he which is born of a woman, that he should be righteous? Psalm 8:4 (KJV) What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? Psalm 144:3 (KJV) Lord, what is man, that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him! Counseling Points When satan rebelled against God, and one-thrid of the angels joined in his rebellion, God cast them out of Heaven. However, when one man sinned, God sent His Son to redeem him. With only one exception, there is no sin that cannot be repented of, and forgiven. There is no place that one can go and leave the presence of God. God’s love and mercy endures forever. 112 TRUE STRENGTH (DAVID AND GOLIATH) 1 Samuel 17:23-24 And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name… And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid. 1 Samuel 17:32-36 And David said to Saul, Let no man's heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine. And Saul said to David, Thou art not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him: for thou art but a youth, and he a man of war from his youth. And David said unto Saul... Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God. 1 Samuel 17:38-39 And Saul armed David with his armour, and he put an helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail. … And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved them. And David put them off him. 1 Samuel 17:45 Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied. 1 Samuel 17:49-50 And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth. So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David. 1. David acted contrary to other men because of his remembrance of his past. 2. He was able to recount his experiences and apply them to the task at hand. 3. He was not willing to use weapons that he had not tested before just because others used them. 4. Although he was aware that there would be an earthly gain, his attention was kingdom centered and not self centered. 5. His victory lay in the fact that he did what he knew how to do. He did not change his method arbitrarily. 6. He approached Goliath confidently not arrogantly. 7. He did not allow himself to be distracted with the taunts of Goliath. 8. God used a young man and allowed him victory. His age was not an issue. 9. Experience, faith, and opportunity are the ingredients of success. Counseling Points Remind clients that the head does not say to the foot, “I have no need of you”. Remind clients that it takes people of all kinds of different pasts, experiences, and talents to make up the kingdom of God. Awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses is essential for good mental health. 113 KNOWLEDGE OR RELATIONSHIP Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil. This is a great description of a pious man. God himself said that Job was perfect, upright, feared God and eschewed evil. Yet, despite this testimony, something was missing. When the tough times came, Job began to question God. God speaks and then asks Job whether Job will instruct God and reprove God. Job 40:1-2 Moreover the Lord answered Job, and said, Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it. Job answers by saying that he is not worthy to answer. Job 40:3-5 Then Job answered the Lord, and said, Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth. Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further. But, God does not let him off so easily. And after a long series of questions and comparisons, Job finally answers, Job 42:5-6 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. 1. 2. 3. 4. Job knew about God. Job kept the letter of the law. He feared God. He did not have a relationship with God. In the final analysis, Job did not have a living relationship with God. He knew about God. He did not know God. This is why he was able to contend with God, challenge God, and why he did not understand God. But, once he got a vision of God, his opinion about God and himself changed. He now saw the true relationship – God is holy and righteous. Man is not. Counseling Points Remind clients that God is perfect. Everything He does is out of Love. When one does not understand life’s events, it is not God who is wrong. 114 AGONIZING CHOICES Jesus was exceedingly sorrowful as he wrestled with and prayed about the most important decision He was ever going to make. Matthew 26:38-40 Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me. 39And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. 40And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour? Luke 22:42-45 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. 43And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. 44And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground. 45And when he rose up from prayer, and was come to his disciples, he found them sleeping for sorrow, Counseling Points Jesus communicated his feelings to his friends. He did not keep them bottled up inside of him. Even though he shared with His friends, he found a place to be alone with God. He communicated honestly with God and told God what He wanted. He listened to God’s response and accepted it. He prepared for the task ahead by praying first. (See next Counseling Point -Resisting Temptation) Jesus' answer to resolving great conflicts was to pray and then accept the answer of God and submit Himself to the will of God. 115 RESISTING THE WORLD Daniel 1:3-16 (KJV) And the king spake unto Ashpenaz the master of his eunuchs, that he should bring certain of the children of Israel, and of the king's seed, and of the princes; Children in whom was no blemish, but well favoured, and skilful in all wisdom, and cunning in knowledge, and understanding science, and such as had ability in them to stand in the king's palace, and whom they might teach the learning and the tongue of the Chaldeans. And the king appointed them a daily provision of the king's meat, and of the wine which he drank: so nourishing them three years, that at the end thereof they might stand before the king. Now among these were of the children of Judah, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah: But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself. Now God had brought Daniel into favour and tender love with the prince of the eunuchs. And the prince of the eunuchs said unto Daniel, I fear my lord the king, who hath appointed your meat and your drink: for why should he see your faces worse liking than the children which are of your sort? then shall ye make me endanger my head to the king. Then said Daniel to Melzar, whom the prince of the eunuchs had set over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, Prove thy servants, I beseech thee, ten days; and let them give us pulse to eat, and water to drink. Then let our countenances be looked upon before thee, and the countenance of the children that eat of the portion of the king's meat: and as thou seest, deal with thy servants. So he consented to them in this matter, and proved them ten days. And at the end of ten days their countenances appeared fairer and fatter in flesh than all the children which did eat the portion of the king's meat. Thus Melzar took away the portion of their meat, and the wine that they should drink; and gave them pulse. Counseling Points: Daniel purposed in his heart, or decided in advance what his behavior would be. He was not influenced by what others were doing, but by what was right. Instead of open rebellion, he made provisions for his behavior. He explained the rational basis for his belief and behavior. He was willing to be put to the test. 116 GOSSIP OR PRAYER REQUEST The following questions were written in response to many requests for help to know how to stop the wounding and bring healing without piously rejecting the talebearer, and without being drawn by the story into a kindred bitterness. 1. Is this your problem? Proverbs 26:17 2. Will this go away without your involvement? Proverbs 10:19/20:3 3. Since "love covers all sins," would you be willing to forgive and forget this one? Why not? Proverbs 10:12 4. What are your basic assumptions about the problem? I Corinthians 13:15 5. Have you heard all sides of this issue? What about God's side? Proverbs 29:20 6. Is your own heart free of hurt, anger and bitterness? Why are you not avoiding taking up another's cause? Hebrews 12:14-15 7. What is God testing in you through this for your own spiritual growth? James 1:28 8. What do you think Jesus would have done in this situation? I Peter 2:21 9. Do you know what your next step is Biblically? Matthew 18:15-20 10. How can I help you resolve your thoughts and feelings without becoming entrapped with a critical attitude myself? Galatians 6:1 Always end in prayer for cleansing from any attitude which Satan could use as a snare to entrap us in tale bearing, bitterness, or taking up another's cause. Read: Psalm 51 esp. vrs. 10 117 COUNSELING DEPRESSION 1 Kings 19:2-18 Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by to morrow about this time. And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beersheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God. And he came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold, the word of the Lord came to him, and he said unto him, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: for the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away. And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice. And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts… And the Lord said unto him, Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: and when thou comest, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria: And Jehu the son of Nimshi shalt thou anoint to be king over Israel: and Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah shalt thou anoint to be prophet in thy room. And it shall come to pass, that him that escapeth the sword of Hazael shall Jehu slay: and him that escapeth from the sword of Jehu shall Elisha slay. Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal,… Counseling Points: Elijah did not pray about Jezebel’s message. He left the place that God had placed him and he left the person that God had placed him with. He falls into depression with accompanying suicidal thoughts because he did not the reaction that he expected from the King and Queen. (Compare this with Cain’s reaction.) He forgets his previous successes and focuses only on this event. God ministers to his physical needs. Ministers to physical needs and gives a task God sends him to a place where he can hear the Word God confronts Elijah by questioning his motives and understanding. Note Elijah's attitude. God addresses his understanding - not miracles but Himself God again confronts Elijah by questioning his motives and understanding. God strengthens him by assigning a task (purpose restored) God corrects his faulty thinking 118 COUNSELING SIN (INDIRECT APPROACH) 2 Samuel 12:1-14 And the Lord sent Nathan unto David. And he came unto him, and said unto him, There were two men in one city; the one rich, and the other poor. The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds: But the poor man had nothing, save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought and nourished up: and it grew up together with him, and with his children; it did eat of his own meat, and drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. And there came a traveller unto the rich man, and he spared to take of his own flock and of his own herd, to dress for the wayfaring man that was come unto him; but took the poor man's lamb, and dressed it for the man that was come to him. And David's anger was greatly kindled against the man; and he said to Nathan, As the Lord liveth, the man that hath done this thing shall surely die: And he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity. And Nathan said to David, Thou art the man. Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, I anointed thee king over Israel, and I delivered thee out of the hand of Saul; And I gave thee thy master's house, and thy master's wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things. Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife. Thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house, and I will take thy wives before thine eyes, and give them unto thy neighbour, and he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of this sun. For thou didst it secretly: but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun. And David said unto Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. And Nathan said unto David, The Lord also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die. Counseling Points: God set a scenario for David to answer. Even sinful men know what is right and wrong. David's response: Anger God's Response: Confrontation God's blessing promised and abused Sin named exactly Consequences of sin Correct response. Note God's response to confession 119 COUNSELING WORRY There are seven points to point out to a client who is worrying. 1. Worry is Inconsistent (Greater to the Least) Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 2. Worry is Irrational (Least to Greatest) Matthew 6:26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 3. Worry is Ineffective 4. Worry is Illogical (Temporary or Permanent) 5. Worry is Irreligious (Those without God worry) Matthew 6:27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? Matthew 6:28-30 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: … Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Matthew 6:31-32 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. God’s Answer to Worry Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Worry is Inconsequential Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. 120 INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Luke 6:30-46 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. And he spake a parable unto them, Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch? The disciple is not above his master: but every one that is perfect shall be as his master. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye. For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Counseling Points Look at yourself, first. Good fruit comes from good trees…bad fruit from bad trees Man's actions come from the heart Is there an honest relationship with Jesus? God’s standard for conduct is much higher for His people than for people in the world. Important Question: And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? All aspects of the relationship and the problem need to be considered. But each person needs to focus on their actions, not the actions of others. 121 COUNSELING ANGER Problem: Anger leading to severe depression Jonah 4:1-11 But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was very angry. And he prayed unto the Lord, and said, I pray thee, O Lord, was not this my saying, when I was yet in my country? Therefore I fled before unto Tarshish: for I knew that thou art a gracious God, and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repentest thee of the evil. Therefore now, O Lord, take, I beseech thee, my life from me; for it is better for me to die than to live. Then said the Lord, Doest thou well to be angry? So Jonah went out of the city, and sat on the east side of the city, and there made him a booth, and sat under it in the shadow, till he might see what would become of the city. And the Lord God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd. But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd that it withered. And it came to pass, when the sun did arise, that God prepared a vehement east wind; and the sun beat upon the head of Jonah, that he fainted, and wished in himself to die, and said, It is better for me to die than to live. And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said, I do well to be angry, even unto death. Then said the Lord, Thou hast had pity on the gourd, for the which thou hast not laboured, neither madest it grow; which came up in a night, and perished in a night: And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle? Counseling Points God confronts Jonah by making him examine his attitude Notice Jonah's response: He leaves the place that God sent him. God ministers to physical needs. Notice his response. God sets the scene where he can cause Jonah to confront and change his attitude. Important Question: Doest thou well to be angry? God again confronts Jonah. Note Jonah's attitude still. God corrects his faulty thinking Clients need to understand the unspiritual, unBiblical nature of anger so they can work on solving the problem instead of remaining focused on the problem. 122 SUMMARY CHART I. There Are Six Primary Emotional Needs: A. B. C. D. E. F. Love Significance Freedom Discipline Emotional Awareness Need to know God II. Behavior is Chosen to meet one of the six primary needs: A. All behavior is chosen. B. All behavior is purposeful. C. All behavior is chosen to best meet one’s needs. D. All behavior no matter how bizarre is chosen and purposeful. E. All behavior makes sense to the person who chose it. F. All behavior is chosen based upon how one perceives the world. G. All behavior is chosen and therefore counseling works. III. These Primary Emotional Needs Are Universal A. These needs are God given and innate. B. These needs are universal. C. People chose their behavior to meet these needs. D. The chosen behavior is unique to IV. Behavior has four components A. B. C. D. Thoughts Actions Emotions Physiological Response V. Negative behavior has its roots in three categories A. Lust of the Eye B. Lust of the Flesh C. Pride of Life V. Counseling is intended to help the client meet these needs according to Biblical principles and create or restore a right relationship with God. The client must be aware: A. The Bible is the only authoritative guide by which we know truth and behaviors may be judged. B. There is a right and wrong, and the Bible alone provides the standard. C. Since all behavior is chosen, a person is responsible and accountable for behavior. D. Change comes from forsaking selfcentered thoughts and behaviors and adopting Christ-centered thoughts and behaviors. individuals; the needs are universal. 123 Choosing Behavior 1. First there is an event. 2. The event produces a thought, based upon the perception, or understanding, of the event. It is at this point that we are commanded to bring our thoughts captive to Christ. 3. Based upon the thought we finally end up with, we now have a corresponding emotion. 4. At this point we chose our response: According to the Spirit or according to the flesh. Now words appropriate to our perception and decision are selected. 5. We now select the action to accompany our thoughts and words. 124 Causes of Pride - SELF S - Success Many people seek after success and achievement. Psalm 52:7 Lo, this is the man that made not God his strength; but trusted in the abundance of his riches, and strengthened himself in his wickedness. x Achievement x Acceptance x Affluence x Ability E - External Gratification Many people seek after the things of the world… Philip. 2:21 For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's. 1 John 2:15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. x Money x Power x Property x Assets x Sex x Drugs, Alcohol x Experiences x Outward Adorning L - Labor Many people trust their own works rather than God’s mercy. Galatians 2:16 Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified. F - Focus on Self People place themselves at the center, rather than putting God in the center. 2 Tim. 3:2-4 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; x x x x x Self-interest Self-reliance Self-indulgent Self-satisfying Self-fulfillment For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. 2 Cor. 10:12 125 Godship or Sonship? This is important for you to understand. God made man to be His children. It was not God’s intention that Adam should be like God, it was God’s intention that Adam should be a son. Let’s compare the areas and the result of the fall and mans changed nature with that of Jesus Christ. God (the Father) Is Sovereign Does His own Will Owns everything Is to be served Lawgiver and Judge Seeks fellowship God is Light Exercises vengeance Seeks worshippers Everlasting Is too glorious to behold Judging GOD’S LAWS ABSOLUTE MAN’S LAWS RELATIVE Fallen Man Seeks to Establish own laws Exercises his own will Wanted what God forbade Wants to rule Judgmental & unforgiving Separated from God & man Walks in Darkness Becomes Angry Acts out of Pride Spiritual & Physical death Vain Good Whatever God, out of His infinite goodness, justice, and love, states to be ultimately for man’s blessing and God’s own glory. Whatever is personally thought at present to be beneficial to the greatest number or persons or to the persons of greatest importance. Jesus (The Son) Kept all of the Law Did His Father’s will Had nothing Came to serve Came not to judge Had perfect fellowship Had no darkness Forgave and interceded Became of no reputation Alive forevermore No beauty in Him Evil Whatever God rejects as being inconsistent with His perfect righteousness and therefore against His good purposes in the world. Whatever is rejected by the present consensus and therefore is perceived as being bad to society or an infringement on individual rights. Judges 21:25 (KJV) In those days there was no king in Israel: every man did that which was right in his own eyes. 126 Grace Christian Counseling Ministries & Houston Bible College Alan Kitay, Ph.D., LPCT Licensed Professional Christian Therapist Congratulations! You have now completed Biblical Principles of Counseling. It is our hope that this class has helped you to pursue your individual ministry calling within the Body of Christ. We encourage you to consider taking the other classes in the Christian Counseling Training Series that will help you to add to your faith “knowledge”. Each of these courses are designed to be taken individually, but are intended to work together to help the counselors broaden their understanding of human nature and counseling principles so they can counsel and minister more effectively. For more information on the classes, call 832-419-0673 or visit our web site at www.graceccm.com. Thank you and God Bless you, Dr. Alan Kitay Director, Grace Christian Counseling Ministries Office: 1906 Treble Dr. – Suite 22 Humble, Texas 77338 Phone: 832-419-0673 E-mail: [email protected] Website: www.graceccm.com 127 BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES OF COUNSELING A Resource and Training Manual for Pastors and Counselors Volume III of the Certified Christian Counselors Training Program Think About This… You counsel others every day, whether you realize it or not, and other people counsel you. Whether you are sitting in an office or talking at a restaurant – you answer questions and help people solve their problems. This course will teach you identify, define, and understand more clearly the issues that others face and will help you in preparing answers from a Biblical viewpoint in various settings: friendships, family life, discipleship, prayer groups, and counseling. In this volume, Biblical Principles of Counseling, you will learn: x The Biblical Foundations of Counseling x Counseling Presuppositions x Understanding the Model of Man x How to Apply Biblical Principles In Counseling About the Authors Alan Kitay holds a Doctorate degree (PhD) in Psychology from International Christian University and a Masters degree in Counseling from Prairie View A&M. He is a Licensed Professional Christian Therapist and a Board-Certified Christian Counselor. His experience includes over 25 years as an educator and almost 30 years as a minister. He has served as an Evangelist, Assistant Pastor, and is now the Director of Grace Christian Counseling Ministries. In addition to his counseling and writing, Dr. Kitay is the Dean of Psychology and Senior Instructor for Houston Bible College. As a permanent member of the American Association of Christian Therapists, Dr Kitay serves as Regional VicePresident on the Administrative Advisory School Board, and Teaching Center Professor. Carrie Kitay holds a Doctorate degree in Psychology from The Institute of Theology and Christian Therapy with a minor in Human Services. She is also a Certified Christian Counselor and a BoardCertified Christian Therapist. Carrie is also certified by the American Association of Christian Therapists as a Board-Certified Academic Educator. Over the last 17 years Carrie has served in a variety of positions in her local Church. She has taught Sunday school, been active in women's ministry, and as an intercessor / prayer partner. In addition to her counseling and ministry, she has worked as a Manager and Counselor at a local battered women's shelter. Carrie is also co-author and Senior Instructor of the Certified Christian Counselor courses and the Depression and Anger Management mini-courses offered through Houston Bible College. Grace Christian Counseling Ministries 1906 Treble Dr. – Suite 22 Humble, Texas 77338 Phone: 832-419-0673 E-Mail: [email protected] Web site: www.graceccm.com 128