Managing Anger PDF

Managing Anger As with other intense emotions, it’s the way people express their anger that can be either positive and healthy, or negative and unhealthy. So it’s important to learn to recognize when you or someone else is feeling angry and to have ways to manage that anger to find helpful, construc...

Managing Anger As with other intense emotions, it’s the way people express their anger that can be either positive and healthy, or negative and unhealthy. So it’s important to learn to recognize when you or someone else is feeling angry and to have ways to manage that anger to find helpful, constructive and nonviolent solutions to the issues or situations that have caused it. Both ignoring or repressing anger and expressing it in violent ways can lead to problems with a person’s health and relationships. This is why it’s so important to have appropriate and healthy ways to express anger. Impulsive behaviors are behaviors you do quickly, in the heat of the moment, without thinking about the consequences of your actions. Reacting on impulse can lead to hasty decisions that you later regret. Impulsive behavior usually occurs in response to an event that causes strong emotions. When you practice self-control you don’t let your emotions or impulses drive your behavior. You stop yourself from doing things that might be risky or cause problems. Because anger can be such a powerful emotion, it’s good to plan ahead and practice how to manage it before you’re in a situation that makes you angry. This can help you practice self-control and keep you from reacting impulsively in ways that can lead to problems. These are some things you can do to stay in control and avoid acting impulsively: ​ Notice the impulse. What’s your emotion urging you to say or do? If you start to notice your impulses right when they happen, you’ll get better at controlling them. ​ Stop and think before you act. Consider what the consequences of the impulsive behavior might be. Is there a better way to respond that will be healthier or cause fewer problems?  ​ Count to 10. Keep counting if you have to. Do some deep breathing. Delaying your response can often help you control it better. ​ Walk away. Get away from the person or the situation until you’re able to cool down and think clearly. ​ Don’t give up. It takes time to change behaviors. Becoming aware of your impulses when you have them is a good first step. Keep working on these techniques each time you feel an urge to act impulsively. There are many ways to deal with anger constructively: ​ Minimize triggers. Identifying the kinds of things that trigger an anger response in you can help you either avoid those situations or be more prepared for the strong feelings they create. ​ Delay your response. Use the strategies for controlling impulses to keep from acting out in the moment. Taking time to calm down will allow you to manage your anger responsibly and constructively. ​ Use stress-management techniques to help you relax. Try deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery to help yourself calm down. ​ Express how you feel in healthy ways. Sometimes the best way to deal with anger is to talk to the person with whom you’re angry. Take your anger to the source rather than spreading rumors, gossiping or telling other people how angry you are. ○​ Choose a good time and place. You may want to deal with the situation immediately, but often it’s best to wait until you’ve cooled down and can think more clearly. Choosing a time that works for the other person too will help ensure that they will really listen to what you have to say. ○​ Use I-messages. “I feel really angry about...” “I was hurt when...” Take responsibility for how you’re feeling, without blaming or accusing. ○​ Be assertive. State your view clearly and calmly. You don’t want to add to the problem by acting aggressively.  Keep your tone of voice and body language calm and reasonable. ○​ Focus on solving the problem. At some point, you need to stop expressing your anger and move toward a solution. You might ask: “What can we do so this doesn’t happen again?” or “How can we make this up to each other?” ​ Get support. Talk through your feelings about the situation with someone you trust. Remember to use I-messages and to focus on what you’re feeling, not what the person you’re angry with did or didn’t do. Here are some things you can do if someone is angry with you: ​ Don’t mirror the anger. For example, if the other person is yelling, speak quietly. If the other person is gesturing a lot, keep your body and hands still. Responding in an opposite way like this is a technique that can help calm things down. If you shout or gesture like the other person is doing, it can add to the tension and anger they are feeling. ​ Acknowledge the other person’s anger. Doing this doesn’t mean you’re admitting guilt or necessarily agreeing with their view of the situation. For example, you can say, “I can see that you’re angry with me.” This lets the person feel heard and understood. ​ Focus on solving the problem. Don’t move to this before the person has had a chance to express their feelings. But, at some point after acknowledging how the person is feeling, guide your conversation toward a solution. You might ask, “What can we do so this doesn’t happen again?” or “How can we make this up to each other?” ​ If you feel unsafe, walk away or get help. If the person is expressing anger in healthy and constructive ways, it’s an opportunity to build your relationship. But if the person is behaving in aggressive, destructive or violent ways, or if you start to feel unsafe for any reason, it’s best to leave the situation. Get help if you feel you’re in immediate danger. ​ Change the relationship. If the problem can’t be solved by talking about the situation and expressing your feelings in healthy ways, you may need to limit the time you spend with this person or modify your expectations of the  relationship to avoid each other’s anger triggers. If the person is always angry with you, even though you’ve tried your best to address it, it may be time to end the relationship. In any relationship, there will be times when the people involved may feel angry with each other. Anger can be a powerful emotion. When it isn’t managed or expressed in healthy ways, it can hurt your relationships with others. But using the strategies you’ve learned today can help you use the misunderstandings and situations that trigger anger as learning opportunities. When people can express their anger in appropriate and constructive ways, and can acknowledge another person’s anger without becoming defensive or angry in turn, it can help strengthen and build their relationship. Skills for Conflict Resolution It can be hard on relationships when people disagree, even about little things. Feelings can be hurt if the people involved feel unheard or misunderstood. Unresolved disagreements can often lead to anger between people or damage their relationship. You’re going to be learning skills to help you find ways to agree again and resolve the strong feelings that can lead to fighting or other problems in relationships. A conflict is a disagreement between people. A conflict may be small, such as when you and a friend have different ideas about what to do after school, or serious, such as a disagreement that ends a relationship or leads to fighting or other forms of violence. To resolve something means to settle a disagreement or handle a situation in a way that works for all people involved. Conflict resolution is a way of managing disagreements in safe and peaceful ways and finding solutions. When conflicts can be resolved peacefully, it can help build relationships and create solutions that will be best for everyone involved. You won’t always agree with other people, and it’s important to know how to be assertive and stand up for yourself. But it’s also important to know how to work things out. Sometimes it’s best to avoid the conflict. For example, if you know you don’t get along with someone, it may be possible to just stop spending time with this person. Another way to avoid the conflict is to walk away from a person or situation when a conflict starts to come up. Sometimes it isn’t possible to just walk away or avoid a conflict. Then you can make the situation less tense or dangerous by trying to defuse the conflict. Defuse literally means to disarm a bomb so it can’t go off. In the case of conflict, it means finding a way to make things less tense and seeking common ground. Sometimes you can defuse conflict simply by taking time to calm down or think carefully about what you want to say before you respond. The strategies you learned for controlling impulsive behaviors can help. You can ask the person if you can continue the discussion later. Using humor can sometimes help defuse a conflict, although it’s important that the other person doesn’t feel that you’re laughing at them. You can also reason with the person to help calm things down. If there’s been a misunderstanding, stop arguing and apologize. Saying “I’m sorry” can often go a long way toward making a conflict situation better. One of the best ways of resolving a conflict with someone you care about is to negotiate. To negotiate means to work together to come up with a solution for the conflict. The first step is to talk out the problem with the other person. It’s very important to try to see the other person’s side of the situation. Once you understand each other’s point of view, you can suggest ways to solve the problem. The final step in negotiating is to agree on a possible solution and try it. Once in a while, a conflict might become dangerous and you might need to get help. Just as you’d do if someone was expressing anger toward you inappropriately or aggressively, if you see signs that a conflict is about to lead to violence that could hurt you or other people, it’s important to leave the situation and find help quickly. When anger, hurt and other strong emotions come up because of a disagreement, it can make resolving the conflict more difficult. You’ve been learning skills for expressing emotions, including anger, in healthy ways that can help as you apply strategies for resolving conflicts. You can’t always know how you’ll react in a real-life conflict situation, but you can practice ahead of time using roleplays. A roleplay gives you a chance to see what you can say and do in response to conflict in a safe and controlled situation. Then you’ll be better able to apply skills in real life when you have conflicts in your Relationships. Sometimes it takes awhile to feel comfortable using the strategies you’ve been learning to resolve conflict. But knowing how to apply these skills will help you stay safe and work things out when you have a conflict with someone.